Woman Wonders If She's In The Wrong For Going Out Of Her Way To Deny Sexist Car Salesman His Commission After Infuriating Interaction

Woman Wonders If She's In The Wrong For Going Out Of Her Way To Deny Sexist Car Salesman His Commission After Infuriating Interaction
Don Mason via Getty Images

A recent car-buying woman quickly found herself at the dealership watching two dudes discuss cars.

If she wanted that, she could've just stayed home and watched Pimp My Ride.

But as it's 2020, she expected a little less sexism. Not to mention, Pimp My Ride is no longer on television.

Redditor Delicious_Cancel is the proud new owner of an "upper end luxury car," as she informed in a recent post on Reddit's, Am I The A**Hole subreddit.


But the journey to the driver seat was far from smooth. Along the way she encountered an hour's worth of microaggressions, two trips to the dealership, a subsequent shaming from her friend, and a little guilt.

The guilt ultimately drove her to post the tale and ask Redditors for their moral judgment.

All this came about when u/Delicious_Cancel *finally* decided to pull the trigger and upgrade from her "35-year-old" Volvo.

Obvious question: how has she been driving this thing around since 1985?


Only one explanation is possible. That thing was all the rage, then became ugly and u/Delicious_Cancel stuck out the hard years, and then it turned cool all over again with the Normcore fashion movement.

She begins the story with the key variable, betraying some slightly internalized, car-based gender associations.

"I took my boyfriend with me to the dealership as you do as a couple."

Very quickly, even though she was the one paying for the car and would be the one driving it, Delicious_Cancel found herself on the sidelines in a palpable fashion.

"A salesman approached us and the entire time, from the start to finish, kept talking to my boyfriend even though I clearly introduced myself and told him the car was for me and that I would be paying outright for it."

Ms. Delicious could even count on her boyfriend noticing the biased dynamic, and calling attention to it, in his own subtle way.

"My boyfriend was off put by thing and kept referring the salesman to me when he asked my boyfriend a question and even pointedly said at some point " I don't know, it's Delicious_Cancel's car, ask her."

**It's difficult not to laugh at the image of her boyfriend actually calling her that in public but Reddit's rules require anonymity.

The man-to-man activism did not do the job.

"The salesmen would then look at me, I'd answer and then the next question, back to my boyfriend."
"The only question I was asked was around colour preference and leather vs fabric interior."

Ouch. That plays like a cartoon training video you'd watch at work to learn how not to be sexist.

When Delicious_Cancel decided she wanted the car despite the rotten sales experience, the sales guy proposed they begin the paperwork.


She wanted to proceed on her terms.

"I interjected and said I wanted to think about it. I had already decided on the car but I didn't want to commission to go to him."

She was adamant enough to make a second trip to exact some revenge.

"So we left and came back the next morning, a different salesperson greeted us and this one was much better, ridiculously charming."
"I told him we'd driven the car yesterday and decided to buy it and we did, no hassles."

And that, folks, is how you manipulate the income of strangers.


Now, though, Delicious_Cancel is having some second thoughts after a friend empathized with the first salesman.

"I was recounting this story to a friend of mine yesterday who is sales (but in IT) told me I was a bit of an a**hole because the previous salesman had done all the work and I gave the sale to someone else when I was wanting to buy the car anyway."

Cue unanimous support from Redditors. Plenty got very real about why she shouldn't feel any guilt at all.

"Typical for car salesmen to ignore the women and talk to the man, but you made it more than clear it was all on you."
"Your money you get to choose how to spend it and who gets it. At the end of the day the dealership still got your cash." u/Netflixandzzz


"Everyone in commission sales knows "spoils go to the closer". Don't feel guilty, not in the slightest." u/starlabsdropout
"FYI, he most likely got a "half deal". The commission was probably split in half by both salesmen."
"If you are helped by two salesmen, the sale was most likely split because they both did the work." u/creepy_lil_lady

Some gave advice about how to help future women car buyers dealing with the guy.

"Personally I'd make sure to let him or his boss know why he didn't get the sale, maybe then he might reconsider how he treats potential customers." u/Whisky-Toad


"I'd leave a review along the lines of, 'we went and spoke to X sales person but he was really rude, dismissive, and sexist toward me during my visit. So we left but after meeting Y sales person we decided we made the right decision. I would happy work with Y sales person again.'" u/LindaFrmPortia

Others cut through and evaluated the guy on a pure sales technique basis. They still considered him a dingus.

"He doesn't deserve the sale. Any good salesperson knows you get to the one making the decision and deal with them." u/Stup2plending
"He did a crappy job because he did not identify (or choose to) and deal with the one making the actual purchase decision."

One was no stranger to this kind of thing.

"A lot of salespeople have this ingrained misogyny. My wife and I notice it, too."
"We were recently looking at properties with an agent (a woman). The agent would not stop looking at me and asking me questions." u/arbitrage75

Finally, there were those that possessed the wisdom of simplicity.

"You get sales by gasp being a good salesperson! He was not." u/MarrissaCooper
"The previous salesman didn't do all the work... Part of his job is not being an a**hole to clients. He failed to do that." u/godrestsinreason
"I thought sales people are supposed to be good at talking to others." u/Era555

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Toxic people are crafty.

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