We have all been there. Had that thought in the back of our mind. You know the passcode, so it'd be easy right? Just to confirm your suspicions or set your mind at ease. But you resist because it would violate your loved one's trust and not to mention the terms of service agreement. But that's exactly what happened to Redditor u/bruisedidmein1234.
I (20F) think my boyfriend (20M) may have been signing in to my social media accounts for more than a year.
I have been dating my boyfriend (20m) since September 2017, but we have been seeing each other since June 2016. We are long distance (~6hrs apart by car) and see each other about once a month if we're lucky. We have had a lot of ups and downs, but ultimately we care about each other and just want each other to be our happiest and healthiest.
I posted earlier this week about an incident that happened this past weekend where an old friend of mine tried to kiss me. He was drunk and initially tried to kiss me on the mouth. I pulled away, and he again tried to kiss my neck, leaving a bruise (I bruise incredibly easily as I have very fair skin and poor circulation; the entire incident lasted no more than a few seconds). I did not expect or want this to happen, and I thought the friend in question knew I had a boyfriend (I actually thought he also had a girlfriend up until he kissed me, so it definitely caught me off guard). Once I firmly expressed to him I wasn't interested and had a boyfriend, he backed off, and the rest of the night went normally. I don't have any plans to hang out with this friend again. The next day, my boyfriend was already at work when I woke up, where he has limited access to this phone. I planned to facetime him and tell him when happened when he got off work, however, he noticed the bruise on my neck in a snapchat before I could tell him myself (I hadn't even noticed it was there because as I said it was no more than a few seconds and it didn't occur to me that there could even be a bruise there from so short a time). He called me when he finished work, and I explained what had happened, but by that point he had been stewing over it for over 5 hours, and was furious with me. I understand that I shouldn't have put myself in a position where someone thought I would be receptive to a kiss, but I also can't control other people's actions or the past, and I have been trying to earn his trust back since. However, he remains absolutely livid.
In other news, for the past few years, my snapchat account has signed me out constantly on my phone (forcing me to log back in to the account sometimes as frequently as multiple times a day). I submitted several maintenance requests to the app, and Monday they notified me that they had sent a customer service email to my spam email account (which I seldom use, and hadn't looked at in years). When I signed in to the account to view the email, I noticed several other emails from the app over the past year. Most notably, there were a series of emails from August 3-6, 2017 informing me that someone had connected to my account on those specific dates from a specific location in a neighboring country. My boyfriend and a few of our mutual friends happened to be on vacation in that exact place on those exact dates. We were not dating at that time. I have confirmed the dates of that trip with someone else who was there. Nobody else on that trip goes to college with my boyfriend, or within 75 miles of there.
Getting fearful, I went on the snapchat website and downloaded my data (which basically gives you all the data the company has stored about your account over a certain period). This data included the location history of where my account has been accessed for the last ~2 months, with each data point consisting of a date, time, latitude, and longitude of where the account was used. It revealed that dozens of times over the last two months (sometimes as often as multiple times in the same day), my account was accessed from where my boyfriend lives. These data points are very specific (3 decimal points), and correspond to directly over his house, various buildings on his campus, and other places in his college town that he frequents. They all are on dates that I was definitively in my own college town, 400 miles away. You can actually watch me and whomever "fight" for control of the account, with me signing in one hour, then it signing in from his town the next hour, and us going back and forth for a while. The data only goes back two months, but the emails and pattern of snapchat logging me out (which is their attempt at security, when you log in to an account on one device it force logs it out on all others) indicate that it has been going on with this level of regularity for over a year.
I confronted my boyfriend about this as soon as I found out. He was initially indignant, then horrified once I presented him with all the evidence. He empathically maintains that it isn't him doing it. He can't provide any other explanations, and his best guess is that he is being framed, although he has no idea by whom. He has said a few times that if I need to find an explanation, he'll let his reputation take the hit, because he loves me that much and hates to see how this is hurting me. He has now also shifted the conversation back to the incident from this weekend, and is saying that what point would he have to lie, because he thinks I fucked someone else anyways (which he had not told me before that he thought)?
This is an especially sensitive subject for me because two years ago, I was most likely hurt by a very close friend, but I have only been able to put together what happened after the fact based on other knowledge. Not having a clear answer or knowing for sure about what happened then absolutely tore me apart, and still f***s with me immensely. My boyfriend knows all this, and helped me through all the fallout of that. I don't want to believe he would lie to me after seeing how much not knowing what happened there destroyed me. Snapchat is my main method of communication for a lot of my friends, and I save all my direct messages on the app so that I can reference them later.
For over a year, someone has been going through my photos, my messages, seeing who I talk to, and watching me without my knowing, and I can't find any other explanations for all the info besides that it was my boyfriend. To not know what happened here will absolutely destroy me, and he knows this. I so desperately want to believe it's anything else, and I want to trust him (like I want him to trust that I didn't sleep with my friend), but I just can't find any answers.
My question is, does anyone have any other possible explanations for what could've happened besides the obvious? What should I do now? And how can I convince my boyfriend I didn't sleep with my friend without compromising my feelings here?
tl;dr: I found an overwhelming amount of evidence showing that my boyfriend of one year has been accessing my snapchat account from his phone since August 2017 (possibly earlier), he denies it's him and is now saying he believes I slept with someone else. What do I do?
Cut And Run
I can't imagine any other explanation. I would cut my losses and not give a damn whether he believes you or not - he's just deflecting and/or gaslighting you. This person has violated your privacy and your boundaries, and profoundly disrespected you. He doesn't deserve to be in your life a moment longer. I would also talk to a counsellor to help me process all of this in the aftermath. I'm so sorry he's done this to you.
But She Had Her Doubts He Could Do That To Her
Thanks for the response. I wish I could feel that way, and be so sure about it. It's just so hard to believe that the person I've trusted the most for this long has been doing something so fundamentally invasive and violating, for almost two years. And yet, I still care a lot about what he thinks of me. I care about my reputation, and I don't want people thinking I'm a cheater when that's not at all what happened.
But Doubt Really Began To Set In
I actually realized that another email from snapchat shows that someone from an IP address registered to his college signed in to my account in February of 2017 (7 months before we started dating). I didn't initially clock it because the town is my hometown, and I figured I had been home at the time, until I realized I was actually in another country for a conference on the date the email was sent. It seems like there's too much evidence for it to all be coincidence, huh?
Then Things Took A Dark Turn
Y'all were right, he did it. It was even crazier than I thought, but it's over now.
I posted a few days ago about finding an overwhelming amount of evidence that my boyfriend of 1 year had been signing into my snapchat account off his phone for over a year, yet when I confronted him about it, he claimed he was being framed. He also accused me of sleeping with a friend who made a move on me that past weekend. I asked here for any other possible explanations for what might've happened besides the obvious, and for advice on how to prove to him that I didn't have sex with that kid. Everyone here told me I was out of my mind to think it was anything else, and that it didn't matter what he thought of me, that he was violating my privacy, and that there were no other possibilities. I realized y'all were right, and I came up with a plan.
I met my boyfriend in a diner, and got there early and told the waitress what was about to go down. I then set my laptop up with all the evidence I had amassed, and waited for him to show up. When he got there, he was combative, and initially tried to accuse me of sleeping with that kid again, but I effectively took over the conversation pretty quickly, and set in to my speech. I took him through every piece of evidence that incriminated him (of which there is a Lot), asked him if he still thought that he was being framed, and he denied it a few more times. At that point, I told him that in our state, what was happening constitutes fourth degree felony stalking. There was too much evidence for it to all be technical glitches at this point, so either he was stalking me, or someone else was stalking the both of us. I told him this was his last chance to come clean to me, or if he still said it wasn't him, we were going to go get in my car, drive to the police station, and turn the case over to a detective, at which point it will be investigated, and whoever did it will be charged. I told him that once I turn it over to the police, however, it's out of my hands how it gets handled, and there will be consequences for whoever did it. He said that he wasn't going to the police station, and said again that he didn't do it. So, I stood up, put on my coat, and said we were going to see a detective and file a report right there because those were his only options left. He pulled me back down to the table, and finally, confessed. It was him.
It started two years ago, 7 months before we even started dating (we were casually involved at that point, and friends, but not dating or exclusive). He said it started because he wanted to know whether I liked him, and it (and I) became an obsession for him. He has checked it multiple times a day, every day, for our entire relationship, including when I was with him. He read all my messages (which I save through the app, as I use it as my main form of communication for a lot of friends), gone through my photos, and kept tabs on who I was talking to.
The conversation was terrifying. It was like I didn't know him. He was cold, cruel, and didn't seem even the smallest bit remorseful. He tried to blame it on me quite a few times, then blamed it on his 'trust issues,' then blamed it on himself being 'f**ked in the head.' It was so unbelievably out of character for him that I would've thought this was his crappy audition tape for an episode of SVU and said was a bad performance if I hadn't lived it myself. He also tried to manipulate me into not going to the police or any of our mutual friends, citing that he 'had nothing' in his life (except me, but I guess that didn't matter so much). He said that I could just move on from this, whereas he would have to 'live with this' for the rest of his life, which should already be punishment enough.
He then tried to tell me that I owed him not to tell anyone else, because I ruined his life when I gave him an STD (which I got when I was attacked by a former friend, which was easily cured, and which we discussed at length where he reassured me that it wasn't my fault). Oh, and he knew that I didn't sleep with that guy, because he read my conversation with him wherein he said "hey, I'm sorry about last night, I didn't know you had a boyfriend and I never would've tried to make a move on you if I had known." He just said that to try to make me defensive and so flustered about something else that I dropped my investigation into the snapchat thing. He even quoted my own conversations back at me. I made him sign a paper where he wrote out what he did, just in case he wants to go back on his word later. Then, I left.
So, it's over now. I've blocked him on everything (I actually cried when I blocked his number, sad as that is). All that's left is to move on. I'm debating on whether to tell our mutual friends or not, because honestly, I'm resentful that he tried to manipulate me into not doing so, and I don't feel like I owe him anything at this point. Anyways, thanks for all your help.
I went to bed last night and work today expecting to see a few responses, I mostly just updated because I hate when people don't update. Thank you so much to everyone for all the support.
I've taken the advice of most people here and told a few trusted friends. Their response has been kinda disappointing, sort of a boys will be boys mentality of "well now you know you're better apart than together, just give it time." I'm hoping they'll come around, I understand that it's really hard to reconcile such a psycho thing with someone you care about, and like I said this was so out of character for my ex. For now I am not going to go to the police, because I don't think I could handle that right now. I go to school 400 miles away from my hometown, I wouldn't be able to come back and forth often to deal with an investigation, and I just don't think I could deal with the emotional strain of having aggressive strangers tear my life the rest of the way apart. But I have changed all my passwords, done force logout where applicable, and saved all the evidence against my ex on a few different locations. My ex got my password because he saw me sign into something once when we were hanging out and remembered the password I used. Once he had it, he had it forever.
To all the people who called me out or had questions about the std (shoutout to the guy who said I belonged in prison), I'll tell the story. Mods, sorry if this violates rules? Over two years ago, I had only been with my ex (he's actually the only person I've ever been with). We weren't dating at the time, just casually hooking up. One night over a break home from school, I went to my former best friends house to catch up. I had two drinks and passed out, which I had thought I was just tired but now I suspect I was drugged. I slept on his couch that night, just the two of us. I woke up the next morning kinda sore but didn't really think anything of it, went home, and didn't think of it again. Two months later, another friend came to me and told me that she had fallen asleep at that friends house just days before I did, that he had spiked her drink, and she had woken up in the middle of the night to him having sex with her. She froze, left when he went back to sleep, went to the hospital, got a kit done, and tried to move on with her life. She never went to the police because this friend's family is very involved with the police in our area, and police response to $exu@l @ss@ult is a joke anyways. She told me because I was going to visit him and she wanted me to be safe. I tried to support her as best I could, and cut that friend off, but it didn't occur to me that anything could've happened to me. Months later, I came up positive for chlamydia on a routine std check by my obgyn. That's when I put all the facts together, and realized what happened (although I never got closure or a sure answer). I always used protection with my ex, but that doesn't guarantee anything. I didn't knowingly give him an std, or even know that I had it. Chlamydia is curable with a single antibiotic, and there were no lasting physical effects on either of our lives.
Anyways, thanks so much to everyone who expressed support, this has been an overwhelming and difficult time, and the reassurance from folks here has really made the difference on how I've been able to wrap my head around this. 💕
Thoughts all around?
Sound the Alarm...
That's insane :( please tell your friends. they deserve to know how creepy he is. i wish you all the best in your healing. please don't feel weird about crying, it's normal to hurt when you think you knew someone in spite of learning everything they did. take care. rosewhine
He also invaded their privacy when he read what they thought were conversations with only you, OP. Yourwtfismyftw
He cray girl!
I would consider filing a police report so that everything is on record in case his behavior continues. The fact that he showed no remorse with his overall demeanor change, makes me concerned that he could be a very scary person in the future if cornered or truly grasps that you are gone. This was a multi-year act of deception, these are not the actions of an entirely sane or morally upright person.
At the very least, please make sure some close people are aware of the extent of his deceptions. Keep your proof backed up online, on a USB stick, on paper. Cover yourself in all areas.
I would also do a complete wipe of your laptop after saving necessary stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if he has some keylogger program on your computer, which tracks every key you press.
At the very least, I would go through all of your electronics with someone who is savvy to tech spying. I would also set up 2-factor Authentication wherever it's available.
I would consider talking with a therapist if you are starting to question or doubt yourself on how this could have happened.
I wish you the best in this upcoming transition. Please protect yourself and be very safe. I think you handled this in the perfect way, and it sounds like you've got a great head on your shoulders. Be prepared for full repentance and begging to be incoming. Stay strong. You've got this!!! ScionOfSekhmet
Go rent 'Fatal Attraction!'
100%. He explicitly described his "obsession," and the odds that this obsession will suddenly stop with a clean break when you dump him are incredible small. His stalking could get worse. If you file a police report now, it will save you major headaches down the road if he keeps stalking you, but it won't hurt anything if he doesn't. thisiswhyifeedmyshoe
He had no remorse and acted in a hostile manor. Even if you don't want to press charges right now, having a police report on file or a back up for the evidence is a good plan. Just in case something comes from it.
It may be hard to break up but just try to keep thinking, he did this not you. He crossed lines. He f**ked up not you. He is the one in the wrong, not you. You are protecting yourself and making a good decision to end the relationship.
I'd confided telling your mutual friends some of it, if not all the details at least the broad strokes so they can help you if needed. They may notice things you don't, see an aspect of his behavior that you don't. It's always good to have some people on your side. Immifish
No kidding around....
Wow that is terrifying. I WOULD tell your friends, because I think there's a very good chance that he will stalk or hack them to keep tabs on you. I would also make a police report. herp_derp_hag
Seriously, this guy may be trying to spin it like he's some put-upon victim but it's OP who has to deal with the ghost of this creepy, unnerving violation for the rest of her life. eastward1526
Happening too often...
This happened to me too. It ended in violence since he didn't know that I took martial arts in high school but I am still scared of what I might have had to do to stop him again. Especially if I had never came clean to everyone we knew about what had happened and why it ended in such a cluster f**k. Would anyone believe it was self defense if I didn't make noise? I started a paper trail and he magically disappeared from my life. Tofutits_Macgee
It's like a horror movie...
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. He's crazy. He's gaslighting you for shit he knows is f**ked up and crossing to many lines. You did great though. Tell your friends and go to the police. He's got serious problems. He read all your conversations with your friends, I think it's a good thing to let them know about that. HapppyMealFace
Dry them tears!
"As sad as that is."
Girl, nothing about you is sad in this story. You are a warrior bada**! It is okay to mourn the passing of a relationship, and mourn the fact that a person you cared about is not who you thought he was.
Focus on the fact that you stood your ground and backed yourself! Even when being gaslit (gaslighted?) Bravo!
I'm sorry that you went through that and hope that your future is filled with genuine people!
I agree with other posters. Tell your friends what happened. You owe this guy nothing. If nothing else, save the evidence and change your passwords. It may not be the last of this guy. Remember that you are strong, and you are right! cbackification
Make a completely new email address on a computer/device that he would never have had access to; a school computer lab/library, device of friend/family he never came in any contact with (including online correspondence).
Once you have a new email with a new password that isn't something he will be able to easily figure out, change the email address for every single account you have AND change the passwords to those accounts as well... but only make the changes on a safe computer/device to avoid any possible software your ex make have installed (or had you or someone else unknowingly install).
As for a password, do not use dates, names, places that he would be familiar with. I usually do a short little sentence, with a random uppercase letter, at least two numbers and one symbols. For example, something like, "L1amasareF1uffy!" This way it makes it difficult to guess, because it is a weird random phrase that has nothing to do with anything related to your life (unless you have fluffy llamas...lol).
And of course, you need to have your devices and computers reformatted (or whatever the proper technical term is). If you don't know how to do that, you can consult a friend/family member...but it might even better to just contact professional or manufacturer FAQ for each device.
I also suggest making brand new social media accounts that are set to the highest private security settings immediately. Just because you blocked the accounts you know, doesn't mean he can't make new ones. And I wouldn't use your real name or any screen names he would be familiar with; or use your real picture for any account that may show it publicly.
I know this can be a pain in the butt, but making sure he doesn't know where you are or what you are doing on a daily basis is for the best.
Also, since he likely knows your friends social accounts, and could possible have access to those as well, make sure anyone he met or corresponded with knows to change their password, just in case.
I may sound paranoid. And I likely am a little bit. I have some experience with this sort of thing, and it is amazing the depths people will go through to gain access to information about you. I had to make sure family and friends stopped tagging me and posting pictures of me, as well as make their privacy settings stronger. It became just easier to get off social media for awhile, and then return slowly under an anonymous account, adding only friends and family who were willing to follow the necessary rules for my safety... and it sucks to ask people to have to follow them. Not only does this effect your life, but others close to you.
Hopefully your ex will leave you alone, especially if you do decide to go to the police. While I agree you should for your own safety, I completely understand not wanting to.
Also, none of this was fault, in anyway. Even if he hadn't violated your trust and safety by stalking your social media, from just the few sentences you said explaining things, he was WAY out of line and red flags were waving brightly all over.
u/bruisedidmein1234, I honestly hope you are able to see a therapist to process this situation, and the other situation you alluded to. There isn't anything wrong with YOU. Processing what happened will help your brain get through everything, make sense of it, and help you move past it in healthy way. iputmytrustinyou
For all the crime or mystery shows people watch perhaps the scariest instances are the tragedies that happen in real life. The most startling thing is while many murderers display red flags, a large amount tend to be seemingly nice people. Criminologists have found that in domestic-violence-related homicide in particular the perpetrator tends to employ an outwardly charming, charisma-filled act as part of their method.
Have you ever met a murderer? It leaves you feeling gross. There was one murderer in our small wooded town that I met a few different times. He was a business owner of a run down pawn shop and the apartments above it since I could remember. Also since I could remember-dude was creepy.
As even teens if mom needed to run in to grab something like a cheap small appliance or movies we had to wait in the car. When older and working teens my sister had to deliver pizza there once. When she walked in the owner and a couple of guys hanging out there just stopped, then went "oh a wo-man!" and blank stared at her until she left.
We always heard the town rumor mill how he would rent to women in exchange for "favors" etc and he was on the state offender registry. You could just tell there was something wrong there. I personally only went inside the shop twice in my life and left quickly because of the odd atmosphere.
Years go by, the now old man is still running his increasingly rundown pawnshop and rentals and then BOOM police tape everywhere, scanners going crazy, his name is all over the news. Apparently after a conflict his older son went and confessed to helping his father clean up the crime scene.
This man had been involved with a woman and she had gone missing in 1998. No leads ever come about and people decided she must have runaway. It turns out that after a conflict the owner had murdered her cold blood. He then called his son to help him. He had dismembered her and burned her body in the furnace of the pawn shop.
He then continued to stay and work right there every day until he was convicted in 2013 of the henious crime.
While many red flags were noticed many of his oddities seemed to get brushed under the rug following the "poor people are crazy but people with money are just eccentric" rule while enjoying the privileges being a business owner in a tiny town offer.
Wanting to hear others encounter with real life monsters Rediitor White-cherries asked the online community:
"People who knew murders before they killed someone, what are some red flags you didn't notice at the time?"
The answers were plentiful and disturbing.
"He never had a sense of right/wrong.”
“My childhood friend killed his parents. His dad was my dad's best friend. Red flags? Drinking at an extremely young age, like 9."
“He never had a sense of right/wrong. Cruelty to animals. It reads like a profile of a future murderer. Heavy drug use did the rest of the work and he killed both of them for oxy."
“Since he was my friend, I guess I missed it all at the time. But my parents got me away from him with a quickness once I mentioned some things to them.“ andrewfnluck
The school bully...
“I went to school with three eventual murderers, but only one showed red flags to me. He was an extremely violent bully. He'd just attack people in the halls.”
“Trying to punch guys in the balls. Grab your nipple and twist. Punch kids in the arm or back. Typical bully stuff except he put everything into it. You wouldn't know he was even around and suddenly he was attacking you.”
“He murdered a classmate of ours who I really liked. It was in 7th grade and he beat him to death over a bag of pot. He was convicted of 2nd degree murder and was released 6 years later and has a long rap sheet.” GrandUnhappy9211
“So I went to a big university that had a weird close knit feel. There was this girl that I knew but I wasn't friends with. She was nice but very over the top bubbly, enthusiastic about EVERYTHING and super extroverted. She was just a little much for me. Good in very, very small doses.”
“She started dating this guy who was the opposite of her, shy, quiet, followed her around like a little puppy. I can't remember now if it was over a holiday break, like thanksgiving or Christmas or if it was just a weekend but we all found out that his parents, younger brother and dog were all killed in a house fire.”
“Everyone felt so bad for him. Her family took him in. Support poured out from everywhere. Then we find out he killed all of them and then set the house on fire to cover it up. Shocked everyone.” Mom-tired_send-wine
“Nothing. I would have told you he was truly one of the nicest, kindest guys I'd ever met. He was a regular customer at a place my SIL bartended at. He was always nice, friendly, funny, a genuinely good guy."
“When the Husband and I would visit SIL at work he'd chat with us like we were old friends. He obviously had a bit of a crush on SIL but she was involved and had a small child and he respected that. Never even hit on her."
“There were many nights he'd stay past close to help her clean up, take trash out, lug kegs for her. Sometimes they'd go over to the after hours bar with a couple other people. They got to know each other quite well over several years (or so we thought)."
“Then one night SIL' s friend was at the bar and had too much so she couldn't drive. He offered to drive her home. SIL would never watch an impaired friend go out alone with just any customer but she never thought twice about this."
“In fact, she even thought it was so like him to offer... Such a nice guy!! She was happy her friend would get home safe ... They found her friend's body the next day."
“She had been strangled to death. He apparently drove around with her body until almost sun up not sure what to do with her when he decided to return to the bar."
“He dumped her body in the back alley next to the dumpster. SIL had to testify against him. In court it was brought to light that he had a history of violence against women (no murders, but several assaults). We were all absolutely shocked. BTW - He got Life." Kteefish
When a dv victim decides to leave they are at the greatest risk of fatal attack.
“My cousin's husband. When they first got married, he was a decent guy though I had only met him after they got married. I thought it was weird that she had a kid that wasn't living with them, but I was young and brushed it off. Over a decade later, I find out he was abusive and she was divorcing him. He shot her outside her workplace. It was on thr news. Thankfully he was caught not long after.” KosherWitch
“I always think about that one interaction.”
“So I worked with a guy, and one day he seemed upset. He got married young and he feared his wife, who separated from him, was starting to date his ex best friend. I said, "that's tough, sorry to hear it, you're young, next…"…..he immediately got this intense look and said he'd kill them.”
“I told him you don't want to say that, and blew it off. It seemed like blowing off steam kind of comment, but I was surprised at the Intensity…normally an extremely laid back guy. However, I felt it strange enough that I wanted to walk away.”
“Six months later he went to his old apartment at 6am, and the two were in bed. He entered their bedroom, put them on their knees and shot each in the head. He then put the gun to his head and ended it. The girl flinched at the shot, and survived a head shot. The new boyfriend died. I always think about that one interaction.” CLO54
“They were just shady a** people...”
“My friends husband killed her after they broke up by bludgeoning her to death and then took the car and her body and burned it in the woods. Big red flags from this guy was, he was still with his ex wife and they were in a polyamorous relationship with extreme jealousy, he was a total douche, didn't work, very possessive and jealous, and had hit her a few times before that I knew of.”
“He killed her because she broke up with them and was taking the house they had bought. He fought chickens and dogs also. He was using her for a free ride for insurance and financial support. His ex wife and son (17) were also in on the murder and helped to plan it.”
“They were just shady a** people and the world would have been a better place if they had never existed and had a child. We reported her missing an hour after she did not show from work and her daughter had found evidence that something had happened at the end of their driveway, she wasn't found for a few weeks but we all knew who was behind it as soon as she went missing.” AeBS1978
Creepy red flags...
“I worked with Edward Paul Morris right up until the point he murdered his pregnant wife and their children. Can't say it was so much missed signs as much as signs that are even more disturbing in hindsight.”
“On the surface he seemed like a polite, friendly guy if a little awkward. He would make small talk with me in the office breakroom, almost always complaining about his wife and stress at home. He treated it like chit-chat but it was clear he couldn't stop thinking about it.”
“When a mutual co-worker and I moved into a rental house together he offered to come mow the lawn (he did some yard maintenence work on the side). We didn't have curtains up yet and I was in my new bedroom putting clothes away when I realized he was outside, lawn mower running but just standing there and staring at me through the window. Creeped me right the f**k out.” serenidade
“A guy I knew from HS stalked an ex GF, ran through her sliding glass door, shot and killed her then killed himself. He had evidently been stalkerish with some other exes as well but because it was in another county it wasn't easy to find. There was a push to create a central register of people with protective orders like they do sex offenders in Texas because of him.”
“He hid it very well. I knew he had some substance abuse issues but he had stopped drinking and started going to church. Turns out that was even BS, he was going to the church his ex went to so he could talk to her. Edit: Monica's Law” TheProle
Remember that if you think you or someone you know is or could be experiencing domestic violence you can get ahold of the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime by calling 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) or by texting START to 88788. If you see something say something by calling either a hotline to local law enforcement.
Many people would rather focus on the scandals associated with celebrities notorious for bad behavior.
This is a shame since many of their phenomenal talents are overlooked in favor of a juicy tabloid.
But what about the genuinely well-behaved celebrities? Well, they are not without haters too, unfortunately.
For instance, stars like Taylor Swift – who has been a positive role model and ally of the LGBTQ community – still has her share of critics no matter how hard she tries to shake it off.
"Who's that one celebrity that has like no haters?"
These Canadian comics were found to be simply irresistible.
The Actor From 'Honey I Shrunk The Kids"
"Rick Moranis. The guy stopped acting to take care of his kids after his wife's death."
Aspiring Football Player
"My favorite John Candy story: Joe Montana was playing for the 49ers in an important game, may have even been the Super Bowl. His team is down, they've got a lot of ground to cover and not a lot of time to do it."
"Montana comes into the huddle and starts calling the play, then stops and points to the stands and says:"
"Hey, isn't that John Candy?"
"Teammates look over, and it is, indeed, John Candy. Turns out he was a big football fan."
"Montana returned his focus to the game and went on to lead a game-winning drive down the field."
These European personalities won the hearts of many people from around the world.
The Dowager Countess of Grantham
"Professor McGonagall is the most underrated Harry Potter character in the series."
"She is so funny, even when she is strictly serious! But I mostly praise Maggie Smith for her line delivery in general."
"I effing LOVE her story about how Walt Disney waited for her to give birth before filming Mary Poppins. Keep in mind at that stage Julie Andrews was nothing more than a mildly successful West End/Broadway actress. The fact that one of the biggest film producers at the time wanted her specifically to play Mary Poppins AND he was happy to wait until after her pregnancy is a true testament to her phenomenal acting and singing ability."
"It paid off too: Julie Andrews won the Oscar for Best Actress for her role as Mary Poppins, her feature film debut too!"
A.K.A. André René Roussimoff
"Andre the Giant."
"i was fortunate enough to catch a screening of The Princess Bride in Nashville a couple years ago; Cary Elwes (who plays the love interest) was there after the show and told some stories about working with different cast members. when he got to Andre, he recounted how he was the 'mood maker' of the cast and always had a smile on his face. he even broke his foot during one of the last scenes but powered through it because the other actors had been filming all day and wanted to go home."
"a real shame that he passed away so prematurely."
These real American idols are truly adored.
The Good Neighbor
Viggo Wherever He Goes
"He once gave my mom some chocolates, she still talks about it haha. In an industry rife with ego and jerks, he's a great guy."
"She had me at, 'It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!' She does plenty of good in this world."
"Google her variety show. A ton of people hated her because she wouldn't fire her black costar. She pretty much told those people to f*** off for lack of a better term and it makes me love her even more!"
I can confidently assume Dick Van Dyke has no haters.
How could he? He's a lovable icon and is a very affable person to work with.
I would know. Although it was a brief blip in my performing career, I had the honor to share the stage with the Disney legend known for playing Bert in Mary Poppins.
He was extremely gracious and he shook hands with all of us in the ensemble of our show while looking at us individually with a glimmer in his eye.
He loves people. You could tell. And we love him.
Everybody loves to hate a villain.
Usually, we think of villains in relation to novels, television shows, comic books, and movies. But history books and popular culture have a knack for drawing lines between good and evil too.
But, as we know, history is full of bias and injected with human emotion. Subtle exaggerations or scapegoating ploys add on to one another over years and years.
And eventually, even good people can be labeled as the scourges of our past.
Redditor blackwraythbutimpink asked:
"Who is seen as a 'bad guy' in history but was actually ok?"
Of course, Hollywood has a lot to do with it. A good script needs conflict and a villain, even if that means stretching the truth a bit.
Full of Heart, In Fact
"More so sports history, but the film Cinderella Man portrayed boxer Max Baer as a murderous psychopath who gladly killed two fighters in the ring."
"In reality, he was personally devastated by these deaths. In the one he was most directly responsible for, he ended up giving his winnings from his next few fights to the fighters family."
"William Murdoch was the guy who shoots two passengers and then himself in 'Titanic.' "
"In reality, while there were reports of an officer shooting two passengers and then committing suicide, there was nothing confirming it to have been Murdoch."
"In fact, Murdoch was in charge of launching life boats on the starboard side and had launched more than half of his fully loaded lifeboats before anyone else launched any. No one knows for sure what happened to him aside that he was lost with the ship."
Not All Rivals Are Evil
"The play Mozart and Salieri (and later the film Amadeus) popularized the idea that Mozart's rival, Antonio Salieri, was a huge jerk who ultimately killed Mozart..."
"...but in reality there's no indication that Mozart was poisoned, or that Salieri had anything to do with his death. Also Salieri was a philanthropist and probably a lot more decent than theater/film made him out to be when they needed an antagonist for Mozart."
An Impressive Navigator
"Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty. Portrayed as a monster in novels and films. He was actually a well thought of Naval Officer who when forced off his ship sailed a small craft 4000 miles with minimal provisions."
"When there was no suitable craft available he and his crew then built their own and sailed from East Timor back to England. He was exonerated by the courts, and had a successful career as Governor of New South Wales."
Other people set their sights on the historical figures who were cast in the wrong light by the inaccurate, prevailing narratives about them.
"Khrushchev was actually the bigger man during the Cuban missile crisis. He initiated the negotiations and even let Kennedy look like the hero by keeping America's side of the bargain secret."
"Not to mention all the measures he took afterwards to prevent something like it from happening again."
A Man of Principles
"Brutus. He's gone down as committing one of history's greatest betrayals, but what he actually did was choose his Republican ideals over a man he personally loved (who had sparked a civil war with an illegal invasion of Italy, and was unquestionably acting like an autocrat)."
Ousted, But a Good Leader
"Thomas Sankara. When he lead Burkina Faso it was probably the most progressive African nation at the time, and even by todays standards it would be up there when compared to them."
"He was also responsible for not only making it less reliant on France, but also it's name (which used to be 'Upper Volta'), and interestingly since he was a guitarist he also wrote the new national anthem."
"He was assassinated in 1987 after a coup."
And others set their sights on the figures who found themselves in the tabloids and discussions of popular culture.
It Was Actually Terrible
"The lady who sued McDonald's for giving her third degree burns." -- skittlkiller57
"Dude, yes. She got fucking third degree burns."
"She was burned so badly it fused her labia. All she wanted was for them to pay for her medical bills due to their obscenely hot flesh searing coffee, which had already been the subject of numerous complaints." -- ARabidDingo
"Monica Lewinski. Gonna leave it at that." -- PetiteSymphony
"Pretty fu**ed up how the world blamed the young intern for the sex scandal instead of the powerful, much older president..." -- AkechiJubeiMitsuhide
Smearing Pee Wee
"Paul Reubens. For decades of my life I was under the impression that Pee Wee Herman was guilty of some child-predator sh**."
"But no, dude was just spotted in a porn theater. I don't think the masturbation claims were ever even substantiated. Meaning he lost his career because he legally watched porn in his personal free time."
It's a list that may drive you to check twice when you hear everyone bashing a historical figure. Perhaps some enemy of theirs began all that bashing.
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People can't function sometimes without being a magnet for drama. The good thing is, these people are also usually extremely bad at hiding their propensity for being involved in said drama.
People who put things on their social media like "I probably hate you," or something of the kind. You know immediately to run in the other direction.
Here were some of those answers.
Soyyy Drama Free
"'Drama free!! F**k the haters! I'm so real everyone else just can't handle it, people are just soooo fake.'"
"Usually embroiled in drama nonstop and their personality is about as deep as an inflatable toddler pool."-inducedjoy
Def The Kid Who Said "DIDNT WE HAVE HOMEWORK?!"
"Calls all mandatory meetings at 4:30 on Fridays."
"She will also push those meetings last minute to 5:30 because she's on client calls and regularly schedules stuff at noon because 'that's when everyone is available, you can just have lunch later.'"
"No, we can't... The one hour we're all available is lunch is because we're busy the other working hours of the day. The lack of respect for the team's time is wild."
"When we suggested maybe noon and 5:30 weren't great times for all hands meetings that should have been an email, she started scheduling them for 7:30am to respect our time. So considerate."-A_giant_dog
This Is Just Rude
"I was hanging out with the cute co-worker in the dining room between service. I guess the sunlight was shining on me, and she says, 'Y'know Bokb, I really love how you have such bright blue eyes and brown hair!'"
"I simply nodded and smiled really big, and she continues: 'I bet you were really handsome when you were younger.'"
"Yeah, big oof."-Bokb3o
Like, when someone does or says these things, you can't help but think about how much you'd rather they just sink into the void of oblivion.
Not Worthy Of Accolades
"If a person makes a big deal out of doing something that they should be doing anyway."
"EG: 'I take care of my kids,' 'I always tell the truth,' 'I'm always on time for work,' 'I shower regularly' etc etc that person is best avoided. They're usually anything but what they claim to be."-Johhnymaddog316
Run Away! Run Far Far Away!
"I have a co-worker that will cut your story off mid sentence to one up you with their own story that's barely even related to the topic at hand."
"They are so self involved (and long winded) that people will see him in the break room, and decide to take the elevator to one of the other break rooms on another floor. Lmao..."
"To clarify; Most of his stories are about how awesome New Jersey/New York is and how stupid Washington Staters are."
"After a while of being made fun of by him, I just wanna scream 'If you love Jersey so much, then MOVE BACK TO JERSEY!'"-conflictmuffin
Yeah, Don't Be A Jerk To Retail Workers
"Yelling at a checkout clerk at Walmart."
"I mean like seriously what could they have done to you to make you that upset. Maybe you need some anger management training."
"This happened at the self check out lane so I don't know what the Walmart check out clerk could have even done. I was in the next lane and my back was to this woman so I didn't see what happened."
"But this women kept yelling at the clerk 'I want to talk to your manager right now !!!'"
"Eventually they both walked up to the service desk together to get a manager. I felt sorry for the clerk ( and the manager !)"-Tuesday2017
You Really Need A New Outlet, Bro
"I know a guy that radiates insecurity about his masculinity."
"Any times he sees a person park slightly too close to his car, he starts going off about hypotheticals where if they scratched his paint, he'd slash their tires or he'd pull out his collapsible baton from his trunk and beat them up."
"He generally lies about anything and wants everyone to know that he is the strongest person in the room. He once told us that he did 100 lb arm curls with his shoulder dislocated."
"And how he has to constantly fight his sister every time he goes home because she is always trying to stab him, and that's how he learned hot to knife fight."
"Of course he also get really angry any time you even hint that he is exaggerating. He no kidding once punched himself in the face 5 times and spent the rest of the day pouting when someone told him that they didn't believe his stories.
Needless to say, no one enjoys talking to him."-ExplosiveMel
A moment around these people is enough to want to spend a lifetime avoiding them.
Just The Worst Person Ever
"Overly competitive for no reason, even on co-op games. If you win they get butthurt, if they win they throw it in your face. Makes jokes at other people's expense. Also can't ever take a joke back."
"Never grew out of the middle school days of bulling (wet willies, bean dips, wedgies, etc). Yells in arguments of any sort in order to 'win' the argument or not letting the other person talk."
"Pretends like they have never done anything wrong, even if they just did 10 mins beforehand. Finds the most low self esteem person in a group and puts them down to make themselves feel better about themselves."
"Will literally say something along the lines of: 'Yeah I know I'm an a**hole, you can ask any of my friends.'"-AskinggAlesana
Always The Victim, Never The Perpetrator
"Had a boyfriend for years who's ex wife was constantly making 'new best friends' with everyone. I finally met her, she seemed nice enough. Next thing you know she's inviting me over, wants me to do all kinds of stuff with her."
"My bfs mom called me and said don't trust her. His brother said don't trust her. My stupid self trusted her."
"Our 'friendship' posted about two weeks before she called CPS on my kid for mooning her kid. They were both 7. She said 'What about the trauma my child and I suffered because of you and your child?'"
Leave It In High School Bub
"There was a guy I went to school with up until the end of high school, and everyone (even teachers) hated him. He would constantly annoy everyone."
"He'd start sh*t with people for absolutely no reason. He'd interrupt the class regularly. He tried to act tough but when someone stepped up to him, he'd run away. He was nearly universally disliked everywhere he went."
"I had the misfortune of running into him a few months ago and he's still the same sh*t disturber he always was."
"He hasn't grown up, and he tried dragging me into petty drama that I frankly don't have the time nor patience for anymore. I told him not to speak to me again, and blocked him on everything I could think of."-yeetgodmcnechass
These people are peppered throughout the world and thankfully, are walking red flags that people can spot from miles away. However, that doesn't mean you can't start with caution in case one of them is hiding amongst the "normal" people.
The victims, the drama stirrers, the jerks, the bullies-they aren't worth your time or space. Don't give it to them.