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Til Disaster Do Us Part: Weddings Gone Wild

Til Disaster Do Us Part: Weddings Gone Wild

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The Wittiest Things People Have Ever Heard Someone Say

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

Incredibly Satisfying Revenge Stories

Incredibly Satisfying Revenge Stories

The Most Ungrateful Jerks

The Most Ungrateful Jerks

Self-Described Scumbags Reveal The Worst Things They've Ever Done

People Share The Funniest Thing They've Ever Seen That They Weren't Allowed To Laugh At

People Share The Funniest Thing They've Ever Seen That They Weren't Allowed To Laugh At
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Hilarious moments are blind to timing. They seem to strike at the absolute worst times, when laughing would be completely inappropriate.

But when hilarity strikes--maybe because someone misspoke or some Three Stooges-esque physical comedy erupted out of nowhere--us humans are defenseless.

We cackle and guffaw with the same sudden impulse of a sneeze or blinking.

Only after that initial chuckle do we have the wherewithal to suppress it under a covered mouth, rocking shoulders, and even tears.

Redditor rockosmodernbttpug asked:

"What's the funniest thing you've seen someone do that you weren't allowed to laugh at?"

Thankfully, Crying Can Look Like Laughing

"Great Uncle's funeral.

"The vicar was doing his thing, but when he said 'our soul,' in his posh-ish accent it sounds just like 'arsehole' and it got me. I managed to keep it together the first time, but after the second one I could barely hold it back...."

"It was something like, 'our soul is something we should cherish, it defines who we are...'"

"I was stifling laughter to the point of tears, my mum said after she thought I was crying."

-- F***TheseNewPlastics

One Man Show

"A guy was acting as his own attorney. He was questioning himself in court by standing up, asking a question, then sitting down to answer it."

"The judge finally looked at him and said, 'Sit down, Mr. X.' I almost lost it, but managed to hold my court demeanor."

-- Hellabore

A D*ck Manifesto

"At my friend's grandfather's funeral. The first sentence of the pastor's speech was 'We are all here because we love Dick so much.' His name was Richard."

"This holy man gave a 15 minute speech about his love of Dick and how Dick changed his life. My wife and I did not make eye contact through the entire thing for fear of busting out laughing in a quiet crowded church."

"It took me about a year to ask my friend his thoughts about it and apparently he was close to losing it too."

-- TigerGuitarist

Til the Very End

"A friend of mine who was always late to work died after an epileptic fit. The undertakers and vicar got delayed and he was late to his own funeral and it was the most fitting and hilarious moment and he'd have loved it."

"But obviously you can't burst out laughing when the staff at a funeral tell you that he's not there yet."

-- Miraclefish

Corpse Slapped

"I was in a cadaver lab for an anatomy class, and that week we were learning hip and upper leg muscles. My group were at the table and one of the guys proceeded to roll the cadaver leg over, from looking at the hamstring to study the quads."

"We didn't realise that the leg belonged to a male until its manhood slapped him straight on the back of his hand."

"Entire group was breathing super hard trying not to laugh and appear disrespectful in the eyes of the tutors, but I honestly reckon the guy would've been laughing with us."

-- code1520

Taking It in Stride 

"Paramedic here, watched a drunk falling down a bunch of stairs."

"He then just screamed at his friend to get him a new beer because he dropped his. Nearly pissed myself."

-- Sir_f***_off

She Knows Not What She Doesn't Know 

"Just two nights ago my picky daughter was telling us that she didn't like meat loaf, no way, no how."

"Then she described a Japanese hamburger steak that she wanted to make: hamburger, bread crumbs, egg, ketchup, soy sauce, etc."

"When she was done, I said that she described the exact thing sitting on her plate, and she got really mad. Laughing only made her madder. Couldn't stop laughing though."

-- GooberMcNutly

Nothing Else to Say 

"I was watching hunger games in theaters and the Rue death scene caused a reaction from the person behind me that left me laughing so hard I thought the people who didn't hear her would think I was a horrible person."

"Right when the spear hits her I heard this 'O DAMN' from behind me like the most stereotypical dumb reaction gif sound effect of a dude getting kicked in the nads."

"It clashed with the scene so much and was the only time the person ever spoke it just cracked me up"

-- nightbrother42

Committed Revenge 

"Helping a Grade 2 class (~8 year olds) and one of the kids was just so loud. He was running around the class when one of the girls held out her arm and clotheslined him."

"I was able to keep a straight face for that but she kneeled down and yelled, 'Boom!' at him."

"He started crying, they both got a detention, and I almost bit through my tongue."

-- asolitarycandle

Growing Into It 

"My step Dad was an Italian from Manhattan. He had the classic Italian mobster accent. We all live in Minnesota, born and raised. So his accent was definitely different from what we're used to."

"My brother loved to playfully make fun of him by imitating him by saying classic Italian mobster exclamations along with the hand mannerisms. Stepdad was a laid back guy and found it funny and the banter between those two was very light hearted."

"So, one day, we were having a small get together at our house with my mom, stepdad, my brother and a few friends. We were all hanging out outside when my 4 year old daughter excited started saying 'Uncle Pauly, Uncle Pauly! Watch this!'"

"As everyone watched, she went over to a piece of dog poop, pointed at it by shaking her open palmed hands, and exclaimed in the most perfect Italian Mobster accent 'What the f*** is thiiiis?!' She even did the head bob perfectly."

"We all stifled laughter."

-- Spookyredd

The New Paint Job

"My mom had us all over at her house."

"She had just gotten the walls painted and my 4 year old picked the greenest, slimiest, most disgusting, massive, stringy booger out of his nose - and then wiped it on her new walls."

"So funny."

- [Reddit]

Saluting The General

"I was at a funeral once, and one of the attendees was this highly decorated general. As soon as he steps in people stood up to salute or honor or whatever."

"Guy takes a couple of steps, flips over, and lands on his butt."

"I swear I saw the whole thing in slow motion and I kept snickering until I went into the bathroom and burst in tears laughing."

- Anon-Rhiannon

Praise Dancer

"My wife and I were in church one Sunday, as the choir is singing this older lady stood up and started praising and dancing to the music."

"All of a sudden her dress fell off right down to her ankles. She didn't notice and kept on praising and dancing in just her slip for a good 30 to 40 seconds until her husband tapped her and made her aware."

"I had my face in my hands trying not to laugh and my wife next to me has tears streaming down her face as she was fighting the laughter so hard."

"It didn't help that the people behind us were laughing in our ears."

- kr3841

Cropdusting

"Me and my daughter were walking behind a old gentleman and he started to fart with every step he took."

"I looked at my daughter and we both had tears in our eyes trying to stop ourselves from laughing. We ended up turning the other way because we couldn’t take it anymore."

"I’m giggling as I write this."

- tinaanjonny

Full Frontal Nudity

"When I was in high school my drama class was invited to go on a field trip to tour the theatre department and watch a play at a nearby university."

"A lot of people took the class because it was an easy credit."

"A lot of the guys specifically were saying how they weren’t interested in going on the trip... until the teacher mentioned that we needed our parents to sign permission slips because the play had full frontal nudity."

"The day of the play comes and literally the whole class showed up to see some boobs."

"Turns out the nudity didn’t include women, so about half way through the play this guy comes out fully naked except for a blindfold and a pair of angel wings."

"Nearly every guy in the class shrieked which caused every girl to burst out laughing."

"I still feel bad thinking about how nervous that guy must have been to literally get on stage naked in front of everyone only to have half the audience scream and the other half roar with laughter."

- MagickanWing

Largest Living Orgasm?

"I’m a teacher and one of my high school students got up and gave a full speech about how the Great Barrier Reef was the world largest living Orgasm."

"I let her go on until I had my mirth under control, by which time she had said it at least five times. I would just be about under control when she would say it again and I would have to wait till I could get a straight face on again."

"20 years later and it still has the ability to crack me up."

- debdeman

Off Key

"Sat on the front row at a wedding. Music starts for the bride to walk down the aisle and it's painfully off key."

"I cracked up before I could help it, until my partner nudged me and pointed to the singer directly in front of me. Just about held it together for the rest of the ceremony."

"All round weirdest wedding I've been to."

"No idea why we were sat at the front since my partner is only the groom's cousin and hadn't seen him in at least ten years. When we arrived we realized we didn't actually know what he looked like."

"The groom's parents had to sit in separate rows for the ceremony, neither at the front, apparently just because they faffed around and got distracted while everyone else sat down."

"His mum seemed to have come dressed as a 70s carpet. The groom, a man in his forties, spent the rest of the day slowly drinking Smirnoff Ice in the bar on his own."

"His wife has since divorced him for domestic violence."

- Foxxio

The Marker Debacle

"In high school, the principal was going over the morning announcements over the loud speaker, which I was paying no attention to at all because it was always the same sh*t."

The girl behind me- we weren’t really 'friends' because she was typically pretty quiet and mostly kept to herself - taps me on the shoulder, and says 'look.' "

"I turn around to find this usually quiet, reserved girl sitting straight faced with two crayola markers shoved up her nose. She got me completely off guard with that, and I let out a loud snort and some stifled giggles."

"I turn back around to find the teacher and entire class staring and me in disgust."

"Turns out the principal was telling us that some student’s mother had lost her battle with cancer, right at the exact moment of the markers in nose debacle."

- dyam

Interpretive Paramore

"When I was in middle school, like 8th grade (so around 13/14) I was in choir."

"For one of our last shows, we learned 'You Are The Only Exception' by Paramore. Cheesy, but fine."

"If you don't know it, the song is about the girl's parents divorcing or something she never trust anyone again and stops believing in love. That is until she finds someone who is, obviously, the exception."

"It's a nice song."

"We had a girl volunteer to do interpretive dance during the song. She would practice dancing in front of us but she never danced while we sang that I can remember."

"So on the night of the show, we're at a local high school, showcasing the choir. So all the parents, staff, teachers and high school choir teachers are in the audience."

"We get to the song and the girl comes out on stage."

"She starts doing all these crazy dances that are meant to convey sorrow and perseverance."

"I. Could. Not. Stop."

"I had to look down and stop singing because I was laughing so much and so hard that there were tears in my eyes. Everyone else kept going."

"There was just something SO f*cking funny to me about THIS being the song that got an interpretive dance."

"I wish I could put into words how I felt and why."

"Little did I know, my parents, who later would GET divorced, were in the crowd, also stifling their laughter, right next to the girl's mom."

"When they saw me laughing they said they could barely keep it together. It still cracks me up and it's been like 11 years now lol"

- JudeFlower97

What strikes us as funny and when is often uncontrollable.

From Your Site Articles
funniest

Infamous Internet Rumors That Ended Up Being True

Reddit user strakerak asked: 'What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?'

boy playing at laptop inside room
Photo by Ludovic Toinel on Unsplash

In 2017, I returned to my office after my lunch break to hear my supervisors discussing Tom Petty. This seemed like a random topic to me until one of my supervisors told me Tom Petty had passed away. He was a huge fan of Petty and spent the next hour or so combing through the internet to get more information.

He came back into the room my other supervisor and I were working in and announced that Tom Petty wasn't dead after all. News outlets had jumped the gun to announce his death, but he was actually still alive.

The next day, I came in to find out that Tom Petty was dead; the news may have been premature, but true.

This is a classic example of the rumor being started on the internet. Sometimes, like with the news of Tom Petty's death, the rumor can run wild and appear everywhere. Other times, the rumor can be seen by just a few people and dismissed. However, a lot of times, these rumors turn out to be true.

Redditors know a lot of internet rumors that turned out to be true, and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor strakerak asked:

"What started out as an internet rumor that ended up being infamously true?"

The King Of Pop

"Michael Jackson writing the music for Sonic 3."

"He actually did, but was never credited on the game because it would breach his contract with his record label."

– -WigglyLine-

"He did the same when he appeared on The Simpsons. He appeared under a pseudonym, and the Producers said it was an impersonator."

"Only years later they confirmed it really was Michael."

"His singing voice was actually done by an impersonator, though."

– given2fly_

The Truth Comes Out

"In 1998, US Men’s National Team captain John Harkes was shockingly cut from the team right before the World Cup. The coach claimed it was because Harkes wouldn’t fit into his new preferred formation, but rumors flew on the early internet that it was actually because he had slept with his teammate Eric Wynalda’s wife. The rumor was so well-known in soccer circles that Harkes expressly denied it in his autobiography the next year."

"Fast forward 12 years to 2010 and Wynalda admits it’s true. The coach then came out and admitted it was why he dropped Harkes, but that he’d planned to keep the secret as long as Wynalda did."

– guyfromsoccer

Video Evidence

"The Tim Burton Hansel and Gretel that aired once on halloween in the 80's."

"I heard for years that it was fake but I knew it was real because my dad recorded everything in the 80s and he recorded that. We let a good friend of ours borrow it and switch it over from VHS to DVD and soon after that it made its way on to the internet , and there it is now. I know it's our copy because the tracking in the beginning is screwed up. Still have the VHS."

– Frozenthickness

"There was a similar story with a Nickelodeon movie called Cry Baby Lane. It was supposed to be so scary that Nickelodeon got complaints and denied its existence for years. Someone uploaded a taped copy to youtube about a decade ago."

– PattiAllen

The Movie Business

"That North Korea hacked Sony Pictures because of The Interview movie."

"I worked in the movie business at the time and the account managers at Sony all basically needed to get new identities as all of their personal information got leaked online."

– OldMastodon5363

"My partner worked on that movie and the production bought all the crew 1 year of an identity theft tracking service."

– CMV_Viremia

Keep Away From The Ears Of Kids

"Some banned episodes or scenes of cartoons."

"For example, I remember there was a Dexter’s Lab cartoon where he clones evil versions of DeDe and himself and they swear like every other word (censored of course), and people debated whether it even existed cause they only aired it like once. Now it’s pretty accessible online."

– Spledidlife

Yes, It's True

"Echelon, a massive electronic espionage system by the US and allies to intercept all electronic messages, especially emails."

"In the mid-nineties it was a topic on conspiracy BBS boards. A lot of people in my bubble at the time (mainly uni students in Europe) were including fake threats to the US in the their email signatures as a way to "protest" and "fill the system with false alarms" (obviously useless)."

"Then, in 1999-2000 came out to be true and a lot of security service agencies from UK and other US allies started to admit they were part of the espionage network."

– latflickr

How The Mighty Fell

"John Edward’s love child."

– ACam574

"A reminder that he was cheating on his wife while she was hospitalized for cancer treatment."

– Fanclock314

Ugh...

"Carrie Fisher's heart attack. Some a**hole who was on the same flight was livetweeting the whole medical emergency and justified it by insisting she was just making sure the family was informed."

– everylastlight

It Actually Happened

"Every year around her birthday there was a rumor that Betty White died. When I heard she died, I scoffed, saying that dumb rumor is back.... then saw it on the news. I was in shock."

– Known-Committee8679

"The fact that Betty died literally right before she turned 100 is such a Betty White way to go out."

– Paganigsegg

Big Actor, Small Roles

"I distinctly remember some rumors about the reason why Bruce Willis was taking so many roles in sh*tty movies before it was announced he has dementia."

– KampferMann

"RedLetterMedia did a deep dive on his recent movie activity to try and work out why exactly he was taking part in basically scam-movies. They noticed he had an earpiece in one of the scenes and joked that the director was feeding him lines. I remember they even disclaimed over the rumours at the time, and possible made a follow-up vid when it was revealed to the public."

– CardinalCreepia

What To Do Next?

"That the writer of LOST were making it up as they went."

"Turned out to be absolutely true."

– homarjr

That last one was kind of obvious!

Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comment below.

internet rumors

People Share Their Best 'Don't Ask How I Know That' Fun Facts

Person holding large stack of books
Photo by Jay Lamm on Unsplash

Whether you're naturally interested in fun facts and trivia or not, it's always nice to know a few that you can pull out of your pocket at a moment's notice as a nice conversation starter.

But there are some fun facts out there that are so weird, people become more preoccupied with how the teller found out that information rather than the information itself.

Redditor Dry_Bus_935 asked:

"What is your 'don't ask me how I know' random fact?"

Nuclear Fail Safe

"You have quite a lot of time, certainly more than ten seconds, to turn back on the main pumps of a nuclear reactor once you have accidentally turned them off."

- egorf

"I'm not surprised. The amount of fail safes, redundancies, and emergency scenario planning for nuclear power plants is insane."

"I toured a nuclear plant and wrote my high school senior thesis on the plans put in place to ensure the Fukushima disaster would not happen at that plant."

"I'm sure the secondary pumps are plenty capable of handling the reactor until the main pumps are repaired or just turned back on."

- Borderlandsman

Happy Cat

"If your cat chews on fresh eucalyptus, they might start hallucinating and fall over repeatedly, leading to a $400 emergency vet bill just to be told she’s just kinda high."

- oddidealstronghold

"And, that's part of why koalas love it. Little stoners."

- littlebluefoxy

Archaeology: Do Not Lick

"Old human bones are very porous, so if you lick them, they’ll stick to your tongue."

- clanculcarius

Sharing is Caring

"A pigeon will only eat a Starburst if you chew it up a little bit first. Just to clarify: chew the Starburst, not the pigeon."

- OhTheHueManatee

"Instructions unclear. Pigeon unhappy."

- Wild-Lychee-3312

Intriguing Anatomy

"Everyone is here with the creepy crime stuff, and I'm just like, 'A soft fur rat has 22 nipples.'"

- horroscoblue

"Okay, so either they have really small nipples, their nipples overlap, or they have nipples in places where there shouldn't be nipples."

"(I've never written the word 'nipples' so many times in a singular sentence before.)"

- GdeGraaf

'Don't Ask Me,' Indeed!

"Turmeric can be used as clothes dye. It is capable of permanently dyeing cotton cloth even after it has passed through the digestive tract of an adult male."

- SlefeMcDichael

"You s**t your pants, didn't you?"

- PMmecrossstitch

"I'd prefer not to answer that question."

- SlefeMcDichael

High-Risk Survival Skills

"If you ever trying to survive in the Arctic, don’t eat polar bear liver. It is so high in vitamin A, it will kill you."

- WrongWayCorrigan-361

"It's also surrounded by a lethal amount of angry polar bear."

- horanc2

Real-Life Spies

"TV shows and movies go out of their way to make military/intelligence officers look bada**."

"But real-life 'spies,' by design and training, are boring. They have regular houses and standard second-hand cars, they dress down, and they have vague, boring job titles (accounts receivable) as cover, and they do not draw attention to themselves. Most come from specialized academia."

- Ok_Worth_1093

Haunting Reality

"Your muscles can keep twitching for several hours after you die."

- JustDave62

"Also, beards can appear to grow. This is however not because the beard itself grows but because the skin shrinks."

- RRautamaa

"I worked at a morgue for over eight years. If you grasp the hand of a dead body to move the arm, the hand will grasp back, but that's just muscles and tendons reacting to the tension."

- goneferalinid

The Sneakiness of Drowning

"When a drowning victim is revived, get them to a hospital as soon as possible. Drowning is the leading cause of death of kids from the age of one to seven and is ruled as accidental drowning when it comes to secondary drowning or dry drowning."

"Basically, your lungs are full of water despite being revived. Your lungs will absorb the liquid, but not before your body acidifies from high levels of carbon dioxide. The only chance to survive is to have the lungs pumped with oxygen via CPAP machine and time."

"Also, drowning is extremely quiet. You don’t hear the victim go under. And if you see flailing, do not attempt to save the victim otherwise you’ll become another drowning victim. Throw them a lifeline and hope their amygdala realizes that a rope or something is floating near them and grabs on it."

- Dfiggsmeister

Not Everyone's Favorite Chocolate

"Hershey’s chocolate has the strong smell of vomit or feces to some people (me), and that’s because they use butyric acid as a preservative. Butyric acid is the compound that makes vomit smell so bad."

"Edit: Digging further into it, there are some claims that they may not be “adding” the butyric acid, but rather it is occurring from essentially spoiling the milk in their milk chocolate. Either way, the butyric acid and putrid smell remains a part of their product."

- hefewiseman1

"That explains the weird aftertaste I always get! I don’t smell it but their chocolate always has this super unpleasant sharp/acidic aftertaste that I find repulsive. I assume this is why!!"

- PomegranateNo975

Do Not Lick the Asbestos

"Asbestos tastes like chalk. And if you lick it, it has the texture of extremely gritty sandpaper. Which is actually the feeling of microscopic asbestos needles piercing your flesh!"

- TooYoungToBeThisOld1

Mapping Out the War

"Beginning in 1911 in anticipation of the outbreak of WW1 in 1914, two statesmen, one from England and one from France, began visiting locations in France that they believed would be the settings for a number of major battles that would occur during the great war."

"Long bike rides through these future battle zones in the countryside and weeks spent building a foundation for a French-Anglo codebook that would later prove important in helping win the war."

- fjordperfect123

Avoiding Lawsuits > Protecting Patients

"Doctors, or surgeons more specifically, that make too many mistakes during surgery, ie, leaving instruments in patients, frequently gets ‘quietly traded’ to other hospitals where they continue their path of destruction with the patients not being aware of their past record. Hospitals tend to keep quiet about the matter to avoid lawsuits."

- Kittytigris

Bonus Points: Do This While Having Lunch in Your Car

"If you overfill a fast food gravy cup and then put a lid on, it will create a pressurized gravy stream that sprays all over your face and uniform while your coworker looks on in horror."

- thechaosjester776

This subReddit thread was so a roller-coaster of random facts, we've surely all walked away learning something.

But the biggest takeaway might just be: Maybe don't lick so many things.

dont ask

People Break Down The Times They Had To Sober Up Real Fast

Shocked woman covering her mouth
vaitheeswaran Nataraj/Unsplash

When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.

But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.

Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.

It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.

Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:

"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"

These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.

Bleeding Out

"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."

"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."

– DongLaiCha

Tragic News

"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."

– accountnameredacted

Bottom Of The Barrel

"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."

– Crotch-Monster

A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.

Like Father, Like Son

"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."

– psycospaz

Busted

"Flashing blue lights."

– FiddleOfGold

"This sobered me up just thinking about it."

– redmaple_syrup

Losing Sight

"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."

– MissHibernia

Quitting The Bottle

"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."

– omgtater

These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.

Unplanned House Guests

"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."

– Oneinsevenbillion75

Serious Health Warning

"Elevated liver enzymes."

"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."

"So I opted for recovery, instead."

"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."

– Far_Meal8674

The Joyride

"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."

– foxfood9116

The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?

How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.

But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.

Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.

The Most Ridiculous 'First World Problems' People Have Heard Someone Complain About

Woman holding multiple shopping bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.

Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.

These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.

From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.

Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:

"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"

"Tale As Old As Time..."

"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","

"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."

"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."

"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."

"Lol!"

"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom

"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."

"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."

"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."

"I think he was a germaphobe."

"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."

"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."

"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.

"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."

"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."

"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000

Money Burn GIF by nog Giphy

Who Wore It Better?

"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."

"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."

"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."

"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'

"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"

"No."- mertsey627

Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...

"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."

"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."

"It was very low key."

"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."

"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."

"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."

"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."

"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa

south park wedding GIF Giphy

See You In Court!

"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."

'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."

"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."

"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."

"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."

"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin

It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!

"I work in a public library."

"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."

"A popular book that just came out."

"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."

"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten

A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!

"My own."

"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"

"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."

"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"

"Unacceptable!"

"This shall not stand!"

"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."

"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."

"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."

"I got over it."- DeathGrover

homer simpson episode 23 GIF Giphy

Holy Matrimony!

"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."

"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."

"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."

"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."

"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."

"It's just a party."

"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree

When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...

"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore

In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...

"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."

"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."

"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."

"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."

"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."

"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."

"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."

"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."

"We don’t offer wrapping services."

"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."

'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae

Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso Giphy

Happiest Place On Earth!

"I used to work for Disney."

"That in itself should tell you everything."

"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."

"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."

"Suddenly got worse huh?"

"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."

"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."

"I'm not kidding."

"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."

"My wife worked booking."

"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."

"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."

"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."

"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."

"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."

"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong

Disney World GIF Giphy

The horror!

Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!

It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...

Said absolutely no one.


problems