Former 'Gifted' Students Explain Where They Ended Up In Life
Here is where I am.

Image by Nguyen Dinh Lich from Pixabay |
When I was moving on from middle school to high school my parents had me tested for the "gifted" program. By some miracle I passed and was accepted. And then I turned it down. Everyone was irritated. "This will pave the way for any college you want! You'll learn so much!" this path will set you up for life!" Every adult tried valiantly to sell me this merchandise, but in my gut I just wasn't buying it. So I "settled" a level below, merely advanced classes. And upon reflection... it was the best choice I ever made.
Redditor u/dauntlessdaisy was wondering how far some in life got by asking... For those of you who were considered "gifted" in school, what are you doing with your life now?"Sounds Nuts"
The rigid routine for the gifted kids is just too much for people that age. It almost feels like it's built to make you fail. So that if you succeed, even with a C/D average, at least you're alive. Like, how in the world does 4-5 hours of homework a night sound reasonable? All while engaging in extracurriculars for college and having some kind of life. And what really is the payoff?
Average People
I was "gifted" in elementary school. Looking back, I realize that I was just average in a below average school district lmao.
I think that's what it really boils down to. How are you compared to your immediate peers? Then the school can round up a few, put them in a faster class, and justify their jobs.
Meow Meow
After a long battle with depression and burnout at university, I've found repairing electronics to be quite soothing/rewarding. I think mostly, because it's very clear when a project is done (it was broken, now it's not), which really removes the pressure and anxiety of failing to live up to people's expectations.
I also have a wonderful partner and a very handsome cat.
Edit:cat tax.
Say Ahhhh
I'm a doctor, been aiming for this since I was 10! Finally succeeded 18 months ago.
Useless
I was praised for my intelligence, not my work ethic.
I got lazy as heeeell.
I'm trying to instill into my children that hard work and practice is more important than being able to figure it out first try. I praise the effort, not the end result. I hope this works out better for them.
You totally nailed it. I excelled in high school, then dropped out of college because I actually had to apply myself. I'm finally finishing my undergrad 20 years after I started it. What's funny is that now I'm that a**hole student who stresses about getting an A-.
See so far, it's all more stress than education. And of course they skim over the workload part of the situation when you're signing up. How much of real life does this prepare you for? And why aren't these kids seeing counselors on the regular? This group of people did a lot heavy lifting with no payoff. Let's see if anyone else had a better outcome.
Days with the Dead
I went into a profession that is less about being "gifted" and more about being personable. I studied Funeral Science and all my peers and high school students thought it would be a waste of my time and talents, yet 27 years later, here I am. I actually own my own Funeral Home where we provide affordable funerals and cremations and enjoy helping others through the rough times in their lives.
I Object!
Went to law school, which I stupidly thought would be a breeze because high school and college were. Quickly discovered that everyone there was "gifted" and the professors didn't give a crap about our prior achievements or LSAT scores, etc. Had to really work hard for the first time in my academic life and definitely did not breeze through with As.
The first year absolutely sucked since I had to develop actual study skills and couldn't procrastinate all the time. It was really good for me. Got through, I'm a partner in my (tiny) firm and I have two "gifted" kids I'm trying to raise to have a better work ethic and study skills than I had.
I wanna Care
I work my 40 in logistics to keep the lights on. Its a low-stress gig that pays enough that I can focus on the crap I actually care about.
Deep Breathes...
Panic attacks over the idea of failing. "Gifted" children more often than not weren't taught to work hard because they just 'naturally got it', so they grow up not knowing how to problem solve and tackle difficulties in healthy ways and thus are extremely paranoid over the idea of not being the best.
Slackers
Procrastinating.
The thing about those "gifted" classes is they don't provide you with any work ethic. As a kids we were just expected to meet the criteria, and we expected it too. now as crap gets harder in life, a lot of us procrastinate and slack off.
3 Degrees Down...
Failed out of 3 different degrees, went to work at an IT Help Desk from the bottom up and didn't go back to school until I hit the promotional ceiling.
That's the professional story, the personal story is a 10+ year battle with varying degrees of depression for the same reason. Honestly the most damning one is reviewing all of this crap and thinking to myself "so many other people have succeeded with much less, what kind of mess up gets handed these opportunities and still fails?"
When I Grow Up
In high school I was really focused on biology. Then I got to college and the world of humanities existed. I completely forgot about biology and after trying A LOT of other options ended up with a degree in linguistic anthropology. I went back to school and got a masters in HR (because money), but while I was in school I got a job in a legal department as a contract admin. I HATED that job, but contracts are pretty fun. So I briefly thought about going back to school to become a paralegal.
Now I'm working with my dad and sister to teach patients about pharmaceutical r&d, but we had to put the business on hold for covid. In the meantime I'm getting back into art...
I'm moving back to the area where I went to school and seriously considering a PhD in medical anthropology. I'm pretty sure I'll never figure out what I want to be when I grow up (I'm 35).
Passions
I'm a librarian. One commonality I've noticed across gifted young people is they tend to follow their passions somewhat more than others. That means going after careers based on what they love to do, more than the pursuit of money.
Black Sheep
Being the family disappointment. High school left me with severe anxiety and depression from bullying and I dropped out because stress was killing me.
But on the bright side I'm in a very loving relationship for the first time in my life and we're about to move into an actual house together and start a new life, and I never thought I would be here.
Edit: Thank you for my first ever award by the way!
Staying Alive
I never went to college and got a factory job right out of HS. I worked as an assembler for 7 months and was promoted to team leader. I had been dealing with hip problems since I was a kid. 4 years after my promotion I had my 2nd surgery, and could no longer continue working. We had twin sons, and since I had been home for a couple years at that point, we decided I would be a stay-at-home dad.
When the boys were 3 I had a 3rd surgery that finally fixed me.Two years later I was severely burned in a brush fire and spent the next year having 4 more surgeries for the burn. A year and a week after the fire I developed headaches that led to my brain cancer diagnosis.
So now I'm still raising my kids and trying to stay alive.
Doing my Best
I started school early, went to a private school for gifted kids for two years, went back to public school and was put into an accelerated learning program, skipped a grade.
I barely graduated high school, and dropped out of college with a 1.9 GPA.
I'm currently managing a department of 10-12 people in an industry I love, in a country I didn't think I'd ever live in. I've gotten treatment for my depression/anxiety and a diagnosis for my autism. I have two kids, an amazing spouse, and a very patient therapist.
Before COVID I'd occasionally take lessons in things I loved— metalworking, glassblowing, that kind of thing— just because it was so good for my mental health to have a couple hours a week where it was perfectly okay to fail at something. It's one of the things I look forward to most once the pandemic is under control.
Weighing Options
Med school, but I'd say I spend at least half of my current time wondering if the stress/mental health strain is worth it. Still happy though thanks to my wife and son who do everything to support me.
Early On...
Was considered gifted from an early age. Coasted and still did well through middle school and fine (not great) in high school. Got into a decent college, but still didn't really know how to work off of anything other than raw intelligence.
Went to a good law school and it kicked my tail, but did fine.
It was in law school that I realized that although I was considered gifted when I was young, I was not exceptional. The world had caught up to me. I'm currently a practicing attorney with a fulfilling career, but otherwise just another face in the crowd.
I have a child who is currently considered gifted and is off the charts on all things academic. I'm constantly reminding him that hard work mixed with his intelligence is an unassailable combination, while simultaneously trying to remember to let him just be a kid. I hope he gets it.
All over the place...
I have a BA in Art History, an MBA in Information Systems, I spent the better part of my 30s working at Home Depot, and I currently work as a nurse.
It's not the trajectory I might have taken, but I'm generally satisfied with the outcome.
Useless...
Unemployed after college with a useless degree and no direction. I honestly think if I left school at 16 and got an apprenticeship my life would be infinitely better.
In the end being deemed "gifted" doesn't seem to get you any further than "advanced." Heck, I know plenty of successful people who needed remedial math. I feel like we throw around that turn gifted loosely, like the word love. Define it before you use it as a label.
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People Break Down The Absolute Worst Parts About Having A Child
While starting a family and having children is a goal that many people have, some do not realize that it's not easy, fun, and loving one-hundred percent of the time. Rather, it's expensive, exhausting, and hard, though it might be worth it in the end.
With this in mind, people shared what they felt were the hardest hurdles of their parenting.
Redditor ApprehensiveShock655 asked:
"What's the worst part of having a child?"
Fear of Not Doing Enough
"The constant anxiety that you’re doing enough to shape them to make good choices, a good life, be a good person and for them to have the life they deserve."
- nakedreturnsthe1st
Like the Energizer Bunny
"It's incessant. It never stops. You never get a day off."
"Going from having two days per week to relax and do whatever to literally never having a moment free from responsibility."
- mrbuh
No Break In Sight
"I’ve always wanted kids and still do, but this is the only thing that has come close to giving me pause."
"Both my siblings have young kids and I cannot get over how CONSTANT it is."
"From the second the kids wake up to when they finally shut their eyes, it’s non-stop. Then they get maybe an hour or two to themselves, which is mostly spent tidying up, etc., before the nighttime stuff starts with the baby crying, the toddler coming into bed, nightmares, etc."
"It requires years of not getting a full night's rest. You can never just go out whenever you want. No sleeping in, even on weekends because someone has to be up with them at 6 AM."
"Raising human children is an insane task."
- GirlisNo1
Mom's Body After Baby and Dad Bods
"The weight gain is the worst! During the pregnancy, I gained 35 pounds. My belly has stretch marks. My boobs are all saggy."
"And it’s not even fair because my wife only gained like 15."
- Wise-Reaction-7526
The Meal Planning
"Coming up with three meals to eat per day EVERY DAY stresses me out so bad."
"This sounds like such a small thing, but it really wears on you over time. You can’t just make something for yourself or something you and your spouse feel like eating: You have to constantly be thinking about if the kid is hungry and what they might be willing to eat."
- Ravenclaw79
Keeping Them Safe
"When people ask me this I say, 'do you know those video games where you have to escort a character to a destination without them being attacked?' That's parenting. Those missions are a pain in the a**."
- Infiniski_Gaming
Seriously, Keep Them Safe
"Having to deal with their total lack of self-preservation. They are creative and come up with all kinds of ways to try and kill themselves. Keeping ahead of the game is exhausting."
- Quizzical_Chimp
Constant Contact
"They’re just always there. On you, behind you, in front of you, just a little speed bump impeding every task."
- Tangboy500000
Letting Them Live Their Life Their Way
"Having a kid is like having a little piece of your heart running around in the world. When they're sick or get disappointed or just feel sad, it's worse than having it happen to you."
"Yet at the same time, you need to let your kids work through those things to learn to handle them. If you give into the worry and try to shield them from everything, you risk creating harmful co-dependence."
"So it's a constant struggle. But worth it!"
- um_chili
What Is "Sleep" Again?
"I'm only nine years in, but so far, it's been the sleep deprivation. Hands down."
- tessiegamgee
And What Are These "Sick Days" You Speak Of?
"Having to take care of a sick child when you are also sick. For me that has been the most challenging part so far."
- MrsLouisaMercury
Another Full-Time Job
"It's like taking a second job that lasts 18+ years with a 24/7 schedule with no holidays or sick days."
"…And no second paycheck. It's actually like YOU are paying your second salary instead of getting one."
- mouse_rat
Personal Freedom
"The loss of freedom. I can't just... go somewhere. Even with older kids, there's so much planning and thinking and getting ready."
"I miss being able to just decide to go somewhere, and go there."
- poetris
The Time Flies
"The best advice I got was from an ancient hospital security guard in an elevator. 'The days are long, the years are short, cherish them while you can.'"
- WayOfTheHouseHusband
So Unexpected
"The phrase I hate is, 'You don't know it, but one day you pick your kid up for the last time.'"
- 3_pac
There are all kinds of troubles that come from being a parent, many of which people don't necessarily think about until they already have a baby in the house.
But reassuringly, many people in the subReddit pointed out that no matter how hard some of these hurdles are to get over, it's still worth it in the end, and it goes by far too fast.
Married People Explain How They Tactfully Initiate Sex With Their Partner
Positive emotions are high among people in the blossoming phase of relationships.
Everything seems more romanticized for people in love due to the amorous joy in their hearts–which also influences their desire to frequently get it on under the sheets–or any other daring location in the heat of the moment.
But for those who've declared "'til death do us part," devoted couples may find that they are not always on the same wavelength sexually compared to when they first met.
Curious to hear how people keep their passion alive, Redditor Rude_Phone6841 asked:
"Married people, how do you initiate sex with your partner?"
When verbally articulating isn't enough...
Let The Book Dictate When
"There is a book called 'How to Subtly Tell Your Partner You Want More Sex.' If you sleep on the right side of the bed, you can casually open it up and your spouse will see the giant printed title on the front. Sometimes, I’ll just get the book out and leave it on his side of the bed. Once he was messing with me and acting like he was oblivious to my not-so-subtle hints, so I threw the book at him. The book is effective and hilarious."
"ETA: Sadly, we haven’t found the book since we moved. Fortunately, we’ve started communicating with our words instead. Words are just as effective."
– Flaky_Finding_3902
Save The Date
"I send her an outlook calendar event and if she accepts, IT'S ON."
– Dawn_Piano
The Signal
"You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business."
– SEA___BEAR
These couples find that verbal cues are best.
Now's The Time
"Honestly when we have the time one of us usually bluntly says 'let's go have sex right f'king now before we can't' and we go do it. Lol"
– brie1305
Option A Or B
"I have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. Some of the best sex we had was because I said 'after 2 year old goes down and if 2month decides to sleep do you want to meet in the basement' well she decided to sleep and damn that was good."
– Ahkmedjubar
End Of Day Reward
"We just ask each other tbh. We’ll bring it up earlier in the day so we build up the anticipation with each other throughout the day, flirt with each other, gas each other up. All that. Then when it’s finally time at the end of the day, we usually fall asleep cause we’re so tired."
"But the cycle continues the next day!"
– supermariobruhh
People continued offering their wisdom.
Afternoon Hanky Panky
"The trick is to initiate sex during the day. We are both too tired at the end. Plus hanging out all day after is somehow more rewarding."
"Same goes for dates. Have sex at the beginning the date, then go enjoy your time together without any pressure."
– drneeley
Kids In The Equation
"This literally happened today with my wife and me. We have two toddlers so we’re extra exhausted. Earlier today we had the sexy initiation of 'hey, we both showered today, want to have sex after the babies are asleep?' 'Sure.'"
"Then when the kids were asleep, and my wife and I were getting settled into bed, she asked if I still wanted to. I said if she wants to I’m down, but I’m pretty tired and would be fine without it. She said she was also tired and could do without it. So we kissed each other good night and she went to sleep. I’m just winding down on Reddit for a few minutes before I also fall asleep."
"I know this is boring. I didn’t write this to tell an exciting story. Just to share what married life is like for me and probably the large majority of married couples, especially parents of young kids."
– MolotovCollective
Shadow Puppet Technique
"Use my phones torch to shine a shadow of my member up against the bedroom wall."
"Kinda like a bat signal of sorts."
– SchoonerOclock
Mood Lighting
"Turn off the lights and switch on the red lamp beside the bed."
– SuvenPan
Reliable Visual
"Walk by him while taking my top off. He follows me wherever I go and it's been 30 years and counting."
– LisaBooHigh
Every couple is different, and usually establishing a strong communication bond makes everything else in the relationship–including sexy time–falls in line effortlessly.
I knew a couple who made a game out of foreplay and agreed that whoever got home first from getting off work at the same time got to choose the sexual position that night.
They may no longer be together, but I remember them recalling how that technique was fun for them at the beginning stage and it took the pressure off of establishing when they were going to have sex.
Don't take get too anxious about it. It's just sex, and it's fun.
There are a number of things people partake in spite of the known possible ramifications they have on their health and safety.
Up to and including smoking, bungee-jumping, recreational drug use, or simply bike riding without a helmet.
Indeed, even though they know that doing any or all of these things could possibly lead to their death, they do it anyway.
Sadly, even though many people go out of their way to avoid doing these things for that very reason, that still doesn't mean they keep themselves completely out of danger.
Sadly, there are a surprisingly large number of things that lead to an even more surprising number of deaths each year.
Frighteningly, these are things that the majority of the world's population does on an almost daily basis.
"What causes death more than people realize?"
When In Doubt, Call Your Doctor!
"Untreated infections."
"Your body will become septic, in which it essentially kills itself trying to kill off whatever infection one has."- cacarrizales
"Infections that are left untreated."- raptor-99
Tread Carefully. Seriously.
"Tripping."
"On average around 17k people a year in the US die from injuries incurred after tripping and falling."- EdithWhartonsFarts
When In Doubt, Don't Drive.
"Driving while sleepy."- latchkey_adult
The Handrail Is There For A Reason.
"Stairs."
"20 million severe injuries each year and at least 200,000 death from consequences of the fall."
"Both my grandparents died because of a fall."- OnTheGoodSideofLife
They Happen To The Best Of Us
"Fall accidents."
"Especially among the elderly, a fall can create a cascade of events that results in death, even if it seems minor at first."-AdmiralBofa
Never Rush Chewing
"Mozzarella sticks."
"Statistically the most choked on food."- SpecSanders
Never Skip A Check-Up
"High Blood Pressure."
"It sneaks up on you and you don't know about it or don't care but it's the underlying cause of so many deaths."- Fear51
Never Underestimate The Importance Of Self Care
"Stress."
"Your body can only handle so much of it and it’s labeled the 'silent killer' for that reason."
"With your high blood pressure and the 5 hours of sleep a night because of the stress, It will creep up on you sooner than you think."- DroppedDonut
Don't Forget To Floss!
"Untreated dental problems."
"A cavity left untreated can lead to heart attacks and strokes."- Lastalmark
Flu Season
"Influenza."
"Just regular old flu."
"Many people ignore it thinking it'll go away on its own."
"Globally the number per year is usually between 300k and 500k."
"In the US it can be anywhere from 12k to 50k per year."- PhreedomPhighter
Don't Feel Ashamed If You Need A Break
"Shoveling snow."
"I have two family friends pass from heart attacks associated to shoveling the snow."- JD054
There Are People Who Will Help You
"Alcoholism causing liver failure and it's on the rise in the USA."- Interesting_Drop8236
"Peruse your County ME’s records."
"The amount of people who die from alcohol is astounding."- hockenduke
Sometimes, It's Just Best To Mind Your Own Business
"Street fights."
"You watch some Hollywood blockbusters and some MMA fights and you think you can do it too."
"I've seen stories of a guy minding his own business and gets rocked on the side of his head. It disconnected his spine and he was dead before he hit the ground."
"There was another story maybe a year ago of a scuffle where a guy was stabbed in the neck and bled out to the point of being unable to stand within 10 seconds."
"Stop f*cking around, it's not worth your life."- Choiceofart
We never know when our number is up or how we'll end our days.
However, with a little bit of care and good judgment, we can at least likely avoid falling victim to all of the above.
When Americans visit a foreign country, they tend to notice immediate cultural differences from the minute they step off the plane.
Unique bathroom designs, how you might have to be more specific when ordering coffee in Australia, how many businesses in Spain tend to shut down for a few hours to take a siesta.
Needless to say, this goes both ways, as when people from all over the world visit the United States, they tend to be surprised and amazed by a number of things.
Ranging from the amusing, such as portion sizes and ineffective tea brewing (at least for the Brits) to the truly baffling (HEALTHCARE).
"Non-American people, what’s a thing that you don’t understand about America?"
You Mean, People DON'T File Their Own Taxes Elsewhere?!?!
"Does every worker have to file their own taxes or am I just confused?"- ThePencil67
"Why they make you calculate your own taxes, if they know what you owe."- redder2023
Flagrant Commercialism...
"So, why do you buy politicians' merchandise? "
"Shirts, caps, banners, stickers, etc."
"They're public servants, not rockstars."
"Also, usually the more boring they are, the better."- akashyy
Work/Life Balance
"Scottish person here but the work/always available for work culture."
"Minimal vacation time, minimal maternity/paternity leave and the fact you can pretty much just be let go."
"It makes me sad to think about it!"
"But I do love that you guys cram so much into your time off - you guys love a road trip!"- Frosty_Dragonfly_682
Definitely Something To Consider...
"What is up with Homeowner Associations?"
"Why would you pay to let a nosy neighbor dictate what you can and can not do on your own property?"
"I understand living in an apartment block and paying maintenance fees etc, but in a suburban home?"- Skoodledoo
There Are Some Good Observations
"The amount of National Parks!"
"My dream came true in 2017 to make an RV trip southwest off USA."
"Yosemite blew my mind away."- Independent-Ad9787
HAHAHA
"How you can say the word 'mirror' without the use of any vowels."
"Mrrrrrr."- Otto1968
I Ordered A Small!
"Why everything is just SO damn supersized."
"My first time in America I went to get ice coffee from Dunkin Donuts, I ordered a large and my friend is like, 'are you sure you want large'?"
"Yeah no biggie, in the UK a large is not overwhelming I feel so I was expecting the same kinda thing."
"Oh my god it was like a god damn bucket of coffee."
"I think maybe a small would have been equivalent to a UK large, lesson swiftly learnt."
Some People Are Lucky To Just Have One Roommate...
"How you have to share a room with some complete rando when you go to college."- ChoppingOnionsForYou
Some People Just Can't Stop Talking
"The culture of just talking to people, strangers you don't know and just up and start a conversation with them or join a conversation."
"I'm British, and we go through great lengths to not talk to people, let alone open up and pour our hearts out to a random person."- MrGlayden
In Other Words: Severs Deserve to Be Paid More!
"The tipping culture is so foreign to me, I would be so scared to make a mistake or not tipping enough if I ever go to America because it's not something which is common here in Denmark."- Cupsuu
The Commercials, Maybe?
"I’m American but I’ve worked with a lot of people who aren’t."
"The one thing they always wonder is why Americans are so obsessed with the NFL."
"They think it’s a boring sport."
"They explained 'you wait for 30 seconds, they hike the ball, you get about 5-10 seconds of action, then you wait another 30 seconds, another 5-10 seconds of action, then commercial break'."- yougotthesilver12
School Is No Place To Have Fun!
"My mom is from Moscow during the Soviet Era, and she is confused why there is no teacher-student hierarchy."
'She thinks it's weird when teachers participate in school plays or speak to students informally."
"She also DOES NOT GET pajama day."
"To her, it's just the weirdest thing in the world."
"In Russia, there is an important distinction between 'clothes for home' and 'clothes for outside'."
"They have a concept of 'home clothes', like your cozy or ugly clothes, that you are supposed to change into after school or work."
"At bedtime, you change out of your 'home clothes' into pajamas."
"As a result, pajamas, for both adults and children, are considered extra-extra private in Russia."
"My mom perceives pajama day as something extreme like wearing only undergarments to school."
"That's how private pajamas are considered to be in Russia!"- racheltolmach2022
A Debate Which Will Likely Never End
"MM/DD/YYYY"- SuvenPan
Living in America comes with a number of advantages and a number of detriments.
Speaking personally though, had I known I wouldn't have to file my own taxes in Australia, I would have expatriated long ago...