Every family has a past.
Try as we might to hide, bury and whitewash, the mess is there.
Secrets and lies may be hidden, but only for so long.
Redditor fuzzyloulouasked:
"What family secret do you know, that you're not supposed to know?"
I have a small family. Not much to report.
Or so I've been told...
The Extra
"I have another sibling that is unknown except to me and my father."
Mac_nocheeze
Evil Granny
"My paternal grandmother hated my mother. One day she called my mom and asked her to come over and pick up a casserole my grandma had made for us."
"When she got there, my grandmother had shot herself and left a note saying (among other things) that she wanted my mom to find her that way. She was, shall we say, a f**ked up lady and one of the meanest people I've ever known."
"My mom didn't want people to know b/c she didn't want that kind of attention. My dad didn't want people to know b/c he didn't want to give my grandma any level of satisfaction."
"So, it's just me, them and maybe one other person who knows. Everyone else thinks she was just an old lady who was depressed about her recently deceased husband."
haroldtitus425
Forgiveness
"My mom lied to a man and told him I was his son and frequently extorted money from him by telling him she needed it to raise me."
"I found out when he showed up with gifts shortly after I had moved out on my own. He had hired a PI after my mom refused to give him my contact info."
"He apologized for not being in my life and cried while telling me he was dying of pancreatic cancer and he didn't want to go without meeting me."
"I asked my mom about it and she told me she told him that so she could get money for drugs after she left my dad."
"DNA tests confirmed he was not my dad. (tested myself against the man I was always told was my bio dad) I only ever met him the one time."
"I took the gifts because it was such a surreal experience I didn't know how to tell him anything other than that I forgave him. My mom is the only other person that knows this happened."
Brilliant_Succotash1
1912
"My welsh great-grandmother had passage booked on the Titanic in 1912. She ended up not going because she 'fell ill'."
"Turns out it was actually an out-of-wedlock pregnancy that gave her such bad morning sickness, she couldn't go. She lost the baby."
"She came the following year in 1913 and met my great-grandfather. She only told my mom (who she helped raise during the summers) who then told me."
"Great-grandma getting knocked up saved an entire branch of our family tree!"
sassy_steph_
Animosity
"My Great grandmother had a stepson the same age as her. He was the biological father of one of my great uncles.
"My cousins don't know. Always heard my Great uncle knew and had animosity towards my grandad because of it."
Secure-Particular286
The family tree of mess is big.
The Blow Up
"My mother had an affair on my father that he doesn’t know about way before he had an affair on her that blew up the family."
Alternative_Shame_73
The Lost
"My grandma was raised in a Catholic orphanage under the pretext that she lost both her parents and siblings during the Spanish Influenza."
"Turns out her and her dad survived, but her dad didn’t want to take care of her so he left her at an orphanage in Brooklyn and moved to Europe and started a new family."
Human_Commercial_406
The Others
"I had an uncle who was a railroad engineer and worked the Terre Haute, Indiana to Danville, Illinois line. Never took a day off from his one day there, one day back route."
"At his funeral, (I was a kid and didn’t go) a strange woman came into the funeral home with some older children. No one knew who she was and finally my grandma introduced herself to the woman and asked who she was."
"The woman said, 'I’m Mrs.so and so I’m here for my husband’s funeral.' Turns out my uncle had two families, one in Terre Haute and one in Danville."
"I didn’t find out about this until I was an adult. My mom, grandma, aunt and sister kept this a secret for decades."
mildlysceptical22
Broken Heart
"My great grandma told my grandpa that the jewish girl he liked was taken to a concentration camp when in truth they fled (it is said she knew they were safe)."
"Grandpa meets my Grandma shortly after, they get married but apparently he still talked about the other girl from time to time and that she was the one who got away and how awful it all was."
"Many years go by, my aunt and dad are born."
"Grandpa walks around town and meets the girl from back then, is totally shocked and finds out he has been lied to all this time."
"Grandpa got sick pretty soon after that and died when my dad was only 5 years old. My grandma later once said she believes he died of a broken heart."
Aur3lya_175
So, there goes that...
"My great grandparents were high school sweethearts and the only role models I'd ever had for a relationship since my grandparents and parents are divorced and hate each other."
"Then my mom tells me that my great grandma had an affair and that's why one of my grandma's sisters isn't like the others. So, there goes that."
Symnestra
Wow. Some families really need deep therapy.
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Even if you weren't alive, chances are, you know about Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin being the first two people to ever walk on the moon. In fact, you may know someone who was alive when it happened and watched it on TV.
The fact is, an estimated 530 million people watched the moon landing on TV, and yet, some people still think its fake.
There is a conspiracy theory out there that says we faked the moon landing to convince the Russians that the United States had won the space race! It's crazy, strange, and most of all, stupid. The proof is in the pudding (or in the American flag Armstrong planted on the moon).
Redditors know of lots of stupid conspiracy theories, and they are only too eager to share!
It all started when Redditor willywonkerbonker asked:
"What is the stupidest conspiracy theory?"
Flat, Flatter, Flattest
"That the earth is flat"
"Edit: I have come to the conclusion that the earth is in fact the shape of a doughnut."
"Second edit: I have come to my second conclusion to the fact that mars is indeed a chocolate bar"
– CivilVolume
Tracker
"Microchip in vaccines. If the government wanted to spy on you, they could do it a thousand times easier by tapping your phone."
– Nikola_Turing
"Anybody with a smart phone voluntarily agreed to be tracked and followed 24/7 the moment they turned it on haha"
"lol people are so silly.."
– BeginningCap2333
It's A Bird, It's A Plane!
"That planes can't actually fly because the claimed weight of fuel cannot fit into the size of the tanks and even if it did, it would make the plane too heavy to fly."
– teefau
"If planes aren't flying... How do people fly in planes and get out the other side....."
– ftmtxyz
They've Already Won
"I'm from the UK and the theories about this alarm system the government are putting on the phones is wild."
– _Rare_Smoke_
"“They’re doing it to control us!!!” They’re the government. They govern you. They are the law makers. They already control you. They don’t need to make a big conspiracy to do that."
– Mushroomc0wz
6 Continents
"That Australia does not exist"
– germany_science_1
"They say that everyone in Australia are payed actors. If that’s true then where is my bloody check?!"
– Drunky_the_Snowman
"Still waiting on mine"
– willywonkerbonker
My Cat, My Choice
"A former friend and mentor called me up one day and said that she read somewhere that pets in America consume more meat than the entire country of France. And since raising livestock is bad for the environment, the article said liberals want all pets destroyed. That's why she lives in a red state and has so many guns, to protect her cats from the liberals. I asked her to send me that article but she never did."
– Squatchopotamus
"Pretty sure pets are loved by liberals and conservatives alike lol. At least, all the ppl I know in both sides have at least a goldfish."
– Jessiefrance89
Famous Clones
"That Avril Lavigne was replaced with a look alike, as if aging and plastic surgery aren’t things."
– babythrottlepop
"This has been going on since Paul McCartney was accused of being cloned. Look up the Paul Is Dead theory"
"After that it was Eminem"
"Now Avril"
"Soon will probably be Justin Beiber or Kid Laroi or something."
– Fun-Adhesiveness9219
True Freedom
"The idea that "walkable cities" is some NWO/WEF plot to "control" people and keep them confined to small areas."
"Walkable cities is how most cities, and even many suburbs and small towns, used to be. My mother grew up in South Boston in the 60s and 70s, and she points out how she had almost everything her family needed within a 5-10 walk of her house: grocery stores, delis, banks, pharmacies, corner stores, schools (two on her block and one across the street), liquor store, boutique, shoe store, toy store, post office, candy and ice cream, barbers and hairstylists, playgrounds and parks, bars and restaurants, repair shop, hardware store, a family doctor, a dentist, laundromat, coffee and donuts, and pizza."
"More was reachable by bike, the rest of Boston by public transportation, and her father and friends had cars to go elsewhere...they just didn't need to use their cars to go everywhere, because the basics were readily accessible to them. But sure, being wholly reliant on cars and having to shell over tens of thousands of dollars to auto makers and oil CEOs to spend time idling in traffic just for the basic necessities and daily services of life, that's Freedom™."
– Dahhhkness
"I lived for a year in the city centre of Munich, I had every type of shop and restaurant within walking distance, everything else was connected by a super cheap and reliable tram, bus and subway system. Parking was a premium and people with cars tended to only really use them to go out to the countryside or if they worked in a space outside the city slightly too far from a train station."
"It was expensive but nowhere near London levels for example. And not needing a car frees up a lot of income."
–Wind_Yer_Neck_In
Gone But Not Forgotten
"All the “dead celebrity is secretly alive” crap."
"2Pac and Biggie were both peppered with bullets with multiple witnesses and you think they faked it?"
"Michael Jackson, the biggest singles artist in modern music and arguably the most famous person alive at the time, is still going somewhere and left his family in mourning?"
"Don’t even get me started on the Elvis gang…"
– International_Ant217
Truly Real
"Thinking that "global warming" was just invented to raise taxes, or whatever. It is so massively stupid to think that all governments and serious scientists, scientific institutions, etc - worldwide - is in on some conspiracy, to what.. raise your taxes? They could do that anyway..."
"The flat earth, no moon landings, etc - that's all for people who simply aren't all that bright to begin with - but the fake global warming conspiracy is widely believed, and accepted in mainstream politics even. Doesn't get much more stupid than that."
– normalguy_AMA
"I love how global warming deniers think that climate scientists are all swimming in piles of research grant money like Scrooge McDuck, but fossil fuel CEOs are honest, salt-of-the-earth people whose only passion in life is making sure people have jobs."
– Dahhhkness
We Are Needed
"That vaccines are an intentional plot to kill people. This isn't a Marvel movie. We don't need to get rid of large segments of the population. The 1% need us alive, buying things, and providing the services they depend on, like cheeseburgers and trash removal and truck driving."
– notreallylucy
All Aboout Lizards
"The “meteor” that hit earth was actually a spaceship that the dinosaurs left on so they could avoid the ice age. They sent back lizard people to purposely control industries and warm up the earth back to the dinosaur’s ideal temperature. The lizard people are purposely trying to invoke nuclear wars to clear the landscape again for dinosaurs."
– Element202
Uh...Where Did This One Even Come From?
"Birds aren’t real. The US government systematically eradicated and replaced all birds with surveillance drones in the FIFTIES."
– w0lfn0ise
People don't actually believe that...do they?
Money makes the world go round.
It contributes to the betterment of society.
Well, that is what we're led to believe, right?
That is why so many of these big billion-dollar companies get fabulous tax breaks.
But sadly so many big-money jobs only help themselves.
In fact, a lot of fancy, money careers only focus on the green and not the people.
Redditor ThurnisHailey wanted to discuss the careers that leave little to help the world, so they asked:
"What high-paying jobs contribute very little to society/humanity?"
Anti-Robinhood
Real Estate Realtor GIF by South ParkGiphy"My sister makes a lot of money in real estate. She helps rich people get even richer."
Ieatalot2004
"To be fair, most jobs are helping rich people get richer."
nBrainwashed
Useless
"As a marketing manager, I can tell you I have one of the most useless jobs in the world."
erose994
"What do you actually do as a marketing manager? I'm just curious."
bertolintus
"Mostly wrangle the opinions of 8,000 people who all think a project should be executed differently and all feel like it needs to be done yesterday. And pass that project through a complicated and overly bureaucratic system of approvals until it inevitably stalls out in a VP's inbox, and you have to send them 3 reminder emails just to get it done."
"Other than that... Talking to agencies (at least where I work, we outsource our graphic design, social media, and advertising work to third parties), building annual strategies, planning social media and email content, and occasionally getting to do something fun like writing a blog post."
"Oh, and managing budgets. But it's budgeting season right now so that's a touchy subject."
erose994
Data Collection
"Some of the best-paid people are figuring out how to collect as much data about you as possible to show you the best adverts. Or how to shave off milliseconds off a trading decision and build better arbitrage strategies to buy and sell the same thing millions of times."
Weak_Commercial_7124
The Middle
"IT middle management. I always thought they did nothing, then I was promoted to one and now I can actually confirm it."
"Do nothing, contribute nothing. Worthless."
RedditWhileImWorking
"I honestly think middle management is all about what you make it. If you're motivated and WANT to make things happen for the better, I think you generally can, but it's also very easy as a middle manager to just maintain the status quo and literally do nothing but collect a paycheck."
TinaBelchersBF
Complicated
people love GIFGiphy"Hospital administration. Obviously, hospitals are important and are complicated systems that need proper management, but any doctor, nurse, etc. can tell you that hospital admins aren't exactly looking out for your health and safety."
dancingbanana123
It's sad to learn hospitals are a scam. Tragic.
Office Time
Staring Episode 2 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Administrators who spend a lot of time inside an office in calls or meetings but have very little to do with the hands-on work that actually advances stuff."
Ukhupa
Dirt
"I'm using a burner account. I'm a political strategy advisor which is code for opposition researcher. I work for a federal government party in my country. I research for gossip or dirt on our political opponents and feed stories to the media to disparage them and have us win elections. I feel all I do is make people more disenchanted with politics."
Clean-Elephant9363
Moochers
"During the pandemic, didn't you notice that the 'essential workers' were often paid minimum wage? Seems like the important jobs that actually keep everything running are not being paid much at all, most of the time. All the value of their labor is being sucked out of them by the wealthy moochers who just happen to own the company but never do any work."
Pipboypipboycheerio
Liars
dominic cooper preacher GIF by Amazon Prime Video UKGiphy"Megachurch preachers are evil AF."
MpVpRb
"The fleecing of gullible sheep is a story as old as humanity."
wittie2
Well, people certainly had some feeling about these career paths. What do you think? Do you have anything to add?
While we may not all want to admit it, most of us would really like to be remembered for something.
It might be something as simple as being remembered as an excellent friend or it might be something as big as winning the Nobel Prize.
No matter what it is we want to be remembered for, we all have a unique story to share, but only a select few will choose to share that story through writing a book.
Redditor Caseated_Omentum asked:
"If you were writing an autobiography, what would your opening sentence be?"
The Unreliable Narrator
"I am not a reliable narrator of my own life."
- profanearcane
"I wrote my autobiography a couple of years ago because I have bad memory issues… and this was pretty much my first line, as well."
- solargalaxy6
Good Start
"When I was born, I briefly held the record for being the youngest person alive. It was all downhill from there."
- peon47
Charles Dickens, Is That You?
"My birth was announced with notices in two English local newspapers: It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times."
- BobBobBobBobBobDave
In Hindsight
"Looking back, I realize that I brought it all upon myself."
- Keefer1970
Something Out of a Douglas Adams Novel
"…I saw a portal. The portal was called, 'Earth, the Suckiest of all Realms.'"
"There was a neon flashing arrow with the words, 'You will regret coming here.'"
"And I said, 'Well, what the f**k. How bad could it be?'"
"And so I entered…"
- Louise-the-Peas
The Big Disclaimer
"Do not under any circumstances attempt to replicate or reenact any experiences in this book."
- Spirited-Reaction257
"Put a big red DISCLAIMER on the front."
- NidzoKamikaza
"These stunts were not done by professionals or under the supervision of professionals. Please do not attempt to replicate or copy anything I recount in these texts."
- GuyNamedWhatever
Solo from the Beginning
"Neither of my parents showed up for my own birth."
- TheBoldHold
"'I was born an orphan' is actually possible and would be an epic, tragic way to start an autobiography."
- Arild11
Repressed Memories
"Most of what I remember didn't happen, and most of what I don't remember did."
- ElHoser
No Refunds
"You made a mistake buying this book."
"EDITED TO ADD: I know it's supposed to be the first sentence, but since you guys REALLY liked it, I’ll extend it a bit:"
"Seriously, you could have spent your money on anything else, yet you spent it on this. There is nothing interesting about my life. But oh well, there are no refunds, so you might as well just read it."
"This might be a fan favorite, or that one book you read a couple of pages of, then put in the drawer where it lies for the rest of eternity. But I got my money anyways so I don’t care. Good luck with the rest of your life, and good luck on maybe reading this book."
- Brotastic29
Very Meta
"In the beginning, [Anonymous] was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
- Cultural_Bison_6306
Run, Forest, Run!
"Despite what Forrest Gump said, life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates."
"EDITED TO ADD the second sentence:"
"It is more like a box on Minesweeper: you pick a blue tile and you never know if you're safe or if your f**king brains are gonna be blown out."
- radioactiveteacup
So Unfair
"Just because my parents wanted to f**k back in 1964, I'm stuck here cleaning up everyone's f**k-ups."
- TrailerParkPrepper
"Your username seems intriguingly relevant."
- WillieFast
"Ask yourself this, is he a prepper living in a trailer park, or does he prep said trailer park?"
- nxnphatdaddy
"I want to read the book about a person who preps trailer parks."
- hp640us
What a Journey
"So I was chilling out in this super comfortable uterus when suddenly..."
- Viking_Hippie
"…I was evicted. My tenancy agreement wasn’t even up for two more weeks!"
- yoursextape
"Actually, I was supposed to have gotten out on my dad's birthday, but I was so precocious that I knew then and there that staying a couple of weeks longer was the better play."
- Viking_Hippie
"I mean, it was really nice. For nine months, I didn't have a single problem or care in the world. I had a private, heated swimming pool, could sleep whenever I wanted to for as long as I wanted to, and I could daydream for hours."
"I never felt hungry, cold, sad, worried, or bored. I was constantly waited on and didn't have to do menial work (like breathing on my own)."
"But in the end, the living space felt kind of cramped and I just went with the flow."
- karayna
Let's Be Real
"I am not the type of person who writes autobiographies, and if you're interesting you likely don't read many; I will endeavor to make this entertaining for both of us."
- Organic-Roof-8311
Multi-Genre Crossover
"This book may seem like a work of fiction; a horror story, a Shakespearean tragedy, a heartwarming tale of hope; but I assure you, everything within the confines of these pages actually happened. The good and the bad."
- Frostbyte525
While not everyone is destined to write a book, or more specifically an autobiography, there were certainly some interesting starts here that we'd love to see more of.
It's a great reminder that there are more of us out there who could write a good story if we only gave ourselves the time to do it.
When it comes to possessions, everyone is different depending on the individual's tastes and demands.
After all, one man's trash is is another man's treasure, or so they say.
Possessions can also include intangible assets like ideas, talent, trademarks, and intellectual property.
While the list of these items is endless, there are some things people shouldn't go through life without having.
This was explored specifically applying to one gender when Redditorsimmer5523 asked:
"What is something every man should own?"
Listen up, gents.
Claiming Responsibility
"His f'kups."
– lrbiester
"Hi, Proud owner of many f'kups here, trying to be better."
– ghoul_legion
Staying Humble
"A self-awareness based sense of humor. I define this as a man understanding that it's okay to be the butt end of a joke. Don't hang your pride on being untouchable... if you lean into a joke, it passes you faster and nobody at all really cares. I have found that people think I'm more confident and charismatic than I actually feel."
– ManyThat9040
Stay Confident
"Self Respect."
– ChairmanSaab
"Sorry bro I lost that years ago along with any confidence in myself."
– danktt1
"You can always get it again."
– CharimanSaab
These can be practical necessities, regardless of gender.
This Holds
"A good quality bucket. You never know when you'll need it. This applies to everyone, not just men."
– Dhampyre-supreme
"And something in the larger size range."
– cCitationX
"Hey man, it’s not about size, it’s about how you use it."
– Christmas_Panda
Odds And Ends
"Add a flashlight with spare batteries, condom and Plan B, car jack, plunger, tire iron and weapon to the list of 'it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.'"
– 1vertical
These can definitely come in handy.
Dental Requirement
"A toothbrush."
– EnvironmentalMoney87
"I had a roommate once who didn't own a toothbrush. He just chewed gum and figured that was good enough. Some of the worst breath I've ever encountered."
– Nooples
Can't Live Without Them
"Tools, and a willingness to learn how to use them. Long term, there is practically no better investment."
– AdamOas
"The first rule of home repair and improvement : The one tool you do not yet own is the tool the next project will require."
– Proud-Wrongdoer5053
Cooking Essential
"A decent set of kitchen knives. Everyone, regardless of their gender should know how to cook."
– WhiskeysDead
"Chef’s knife, pairing knife, kitchen shears and a bread knife. Maybe a cleaver, that’s 95% of stabby/slicey/choppy kitchen related tasks."
– gratusin
These suggestions would help improve men's image.
Manner Of Dress
"Professional clothes."
"A suit is well and good, but a freshly ironed buttoned shirt and chinos with a belt will work too. A watch is also of benefit."
"As much as people say looks don't matter, it's a lie. The first thing you can possibly be judeged on is your appearance, second is how you carry yourself. Take care of your appearance, stand up straight, look forward, shoulders squared, look people in the eyes, and speak clearly."
"You don't need to always be looking or acting professional, but the ability to when necessary is invaluable. It's a great way to make a good first impression, which can open a lot of doors for you."
"You don't even need to be in good shape to do so. My brother is a heftier gent, and even still he has the ability to look very professional and carry himself in a way that draws both attention and respect."
– Nath_davies98
Stay Organized
"A good quality wallet. No velcro, football badge/camo effect effort. A nice wallet made of good quality material neatly containing all your important cards etc."
"Ladies spot these things."
– Specialist-Cake-9919
A handkerchief is something I like to carry when most guys don't.
They can easily go in men's pockets, and are not at all cumbersome to have on his person.
What's it good for?
To wipe off a moistened forehead, preventing runny noses, and wiping off armpit sweat before it appears on the expensive shirt he's wearing during a job interview.
The whole point is to never let them see you sweat–whether it's for a business meeting, giving presentations, or a first date.
Men can at least look classy on the outside under potentially intimidating scenarios with a hankie.
You're welcome.