My family has a history that includes the mafia, the FBI, murder in an asylum, alcohol, drugs... the list is endless. And I'd rather just watch Days of Our Lives.
Family Issues
Stephen Colbert Love GIF by The Late Show With Stephen ColbertGiphy"My mother told me that my dad, wasn't my real dad, drunk one night when I was 16. That was 31 years ago. To this day his side of the family still thinks I'm his."
- Traiz3r
Show me the $$$
"One of my uncles borrowed $20,000 from my other more successful Uncle to start a business and refuses to pay his more successful brother back because he's "got so much money already". The more successful uncle refuses to sue him because that's not what family does, but they are no longer on speaking terms."
- mikenyle
Mum is crazy...
"My great-grandmother helped cover up a murder. Claimed the guy was a psychopath and attacked her daughter and granddaughter for no reason. In actuality, my mum was going through a phase where she would try to get men turned on by rubbing her arse on them. This guy pushed her off and told her to screw off."
"My mum took offence to this and claimed the guy was trying to take her clothes off. My grandmother, who was on all the drugs, came out of her room and stabbed the guy to death to protect her daughter. My mum told the truth after the guy was dead and they came up with a cover up story so that they wouldn't get in trouble."
We were on a BREAK!!!
"My grandpa and grandma broke up for a few weeks in August 1962. In that one week my grandpa got drunk one night and got the woman living across the hall from my grandma pregnant, and my grandma had a fling with a married man while on the late shift as a bartender and got pregnant herself. My grandparents got married and my grandma passed my aunt barb off as my grandpas child."
"The other woman gave my aunt Joyce up for adoption. Both were born exactly a week apart. 30 years later my mom was getting married and visited my Grandmas sister to hand out wedding invitations. My Grandmas sister decided that was the perfect occasion to tell my mother out of nowhere that my Aunt Barb was not my grandpas biological daughter. My mom was shocked and confronted my Grandma after the visit and who denied it."
"My mom then decided stupidly to keep it secret. It was kept a secret from my Aunt Barb for 40 years until my aunt Joyce found my grandpa and looked exactly like him. That is when my aunt Barb had a DNA test done and confirmed she wasn't his daughter. It took my aunt barb 17 years to find her real fathers family and she finally found them last year. They all accepted her into the family."
WTF
Steve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy"My Dad lives in his car and is only given enough money for basic food and is only allowed in the house to clean it. He's more of a household servant than anything."
- Catctus
Yeah, that is a whole lotta mess. That's why sometimes you just have to change your name, or fake your death. These people are crazy.
Captor
Frustrated Skip Bayless GIFGiphy"I have done extensive genealogical research and found that my maternal family enslaved over 700 human beings."
Dirty Grandpa...
"My grandad had sex with everyone of my grandma's 5 sisters, over about 40 years, 3 he had long term affairs with. It all came out at my grandma's 60th birthday party when everyone had too much to drink. Fun times, trying to get between several old women, trying to prevent them from punching one another."
Parents Explain Which Things Surprised Them Most When Their Child Moved Out | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Most Wanted
"While cleaning out a relative's house after his funeral, we discovered that the family member was virtually on a first name basis with every major law enforcement department (city, state and federal) within a 100 mile radius. Among other things, he had consulted on FBI cases."
"He wore his disdain for all politicians openly. So, imagine our surprise to discover that he'd been invited to almost every Presidential inauguration within the last forty'ish years. I never had any illusions that I ever truly knew this family member. But if I had, they would've gone away after discovering all that stuff."
Boxed In
"My great grandfather would lock my uncle in one of those big metal toolboxes you sometimes see in the back of trucks for hours as a form of punishment when he was a kid. I can't even imagine how hot it must have been being locked up outside in one of those during the summer. He must have been terrified. I see now why my uncle's a drug addict with a crap ton of mental health issues. And that's not even the worst thing my great grandfather did but that's not my story to tell."
Smh GIFNo Memory
"Apparently when I was a kid to get me to calm down my dad took me to the bathroom and told me to shut up and quiet down or he was gonna start burning me with a lighter he had in his hand. My sister told me she saw it when she was a kid. I personally have no memory of it. I guess other stuff happened too that I'm not aware of since I was so young. Idk what to think since my dad now like a more normal guy."
He had it Coming...
"My great grandfather was a nasty, abusive man, and possibly schizophrenic. My great grandmother finally shot him dead, in self defense. Great grandma was a strong, strong woman to endure what she did. Our family didn't find out until many years had passed, because the elders just didn't talk about it. We think that there are still undiscovered skeletons on that side, too, but too much time has passed to figure out the details."
Dear Lord...
"My father had been married during WWII while he was in the Navy, before he married my mother. I was told that his wife and infant son were both killed in a car crash. I only recently found out what really happened: while he was at sea, she sent him a "Dear John" letter, asking for a divorce. It seems she had found another man. My father was distraught but did not know what else to do, so he signed the divorce papers she sent to him."
"Once the divorce was filed, the other guy decided he did not want anything to do with her. So she killed their baby and committed suicide. Oh, also she was living with my father's sister and brother-in-law back home in Indiana while he was in the Pacific."
"Wait, I have another one! A first cousin of mine, also dad's side of the family, was adopted when he was maybe 2 years old. I always knew this, so did he. What I did not know (and dk if he knew) was that he was adopted from another of my father's brothers who had repeatedly abused him. So his last name was not an adopted name, he was born with that name."
- codece
My Dad, the Hero
"My grandfather was a classic psycho/sociopath who abused and manipulated my grandmother and his children while maintaining a reputation as a highly intelligent, extremely charming gentleman. My father as the eldest son was his primary target of abuse including things like showing up at his school, drag him out of class while beating him and making him walk barefoot on asphalt all the way home in front of his car on a day where you could literally fry an egg on the surface."
"Once he was home he was forced to dig up the huge garden every day from sunrise to sunset without food or water for a whole month. My dad was 7 years old at the time. And he chased my dad all the way to the border to Afghanistan when my dad finally ran away and hitchhiked to Europe as a teen. I love my wonderful kind and softhearted father because he was able to break the cycle of violence. He has never once in my 40 years raised his hands on any of his children or been anything other than the most supportive dad you could imagine."
"Once he got his life sorted he went back to Pakistan with my mother and got his younger siblings educated, married and set them up for life. He was never able to get an education (grandfather refused to pay his fees) but 3 of his 5 siblings are successful doctors and 1 is a geologist."
"Only his elder sister never got an education, but my dad got her out of an abusive marriage and supported her in building a good life for herself. And he was the shield that protected them for as long as my lunatic grandfather was alive. So yes my grandfather was messed up and most of the stories of his horrific abuse remain untold but it made my dad the heroic backbone of a successful family, and that is the real story to tell."
Accidents
Viola Davis Smh GIF by HULUGiphy"My parents told me about some distant relatives who were playing around with a loaded gun and one accidentally shot himself in the head."
Oh Girl...
"My heroin addicted cousin stole so much money from my grandparents that they legitimately struggled during retirement. My grandfather was a teacher so they didn't have too much to begin with. This cousin is also my godmother but I no longer want to associate with her at all. Also her husband is a white supremacist."
"the backwoods"
"My mother, who is from "the backwoods" of Maine, told me one of her cousins turned out to be a hermaphrodite. When "she" hit puberty, her voice changed and she grew facial hair but no breasts. She was taken to a doctor where they figured out she had internal testicles. I don't remember what the outcome was. This was in the early 50's."
So much tea...
Jon Stewart Popcorn GIFGiphy"Great uncle was a multi millionaire but also a Nazi sympathiser (straight up Nazi is probably more accurate), his brother (my grandpa) worked for the mob."
Adversaries...
"My great Grandfather was a pilot in the Luftwaffe in WWII and took part in the bombing of England. The funny part is my other Great Grandfather flew for the RAF at the same time so there is a good chance that they had tried to shoot each other down at some point in time. They met later in life when they both moved to Australia, apparently they had one conversation about it and agreed to never talk about it ever again, and apparently became really good friends before they died."
Lord DNA can be messy. And now I want to know even less of my family's past. I'm going to cancel my Ancestry DNA package. Let's be strangers.
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Chucky had to based on a real life kid. Don't you think so? Every character ever written has a muse. And it's not always Child's Play. I have seen with my own eyes children who you can sense are slightly... off.
"sleep walking"
"My 12 year old will occasionally scream while sleeping. It makes your hair stand up when you get woke from a deep sleep. I have also woken up in the middle of the night to see him standing right next to my bed. Sometimes just facing the wall or staring at me. He is always "sleep walking" and I can escort him back to bed. Trouble is, I never know how long he has been up. He never remembers any of it."
Crazy Repeat
Giphy"Put a very hot pepper in his mouth. Cry. Wheeze. Cry again. Exclaim that he hates it. Then proceed to do it again. Didn't cry the second time. The hell?!"
Knives Out
"Woke up to my Mom's house mates kid (5 years old?) Sneaking through the house with a 10" chef knife at like 2am. He gave me the knife and I asked him what he was doing. He said he was afraid of "the man who walks around in the yard at night" and said he was out there now."
"I hyped up both my dogs and we searched EVERYWHERE. Yard, shed, barn, under the house, etc. Didn't find anyone. Super worrisome. The next morning I told his mom and she was like "oh yeah, he just does that sometimes. It's like his monster under the bed or whatever." She just put the knives on a shelf he couldn't reach."
Velcro Scares
"Perhaps not disturbing, but terrifying as a parent. We were on a vacation in Chicago staying at a random Fairfield Inn or something downtown. Our bed was separated by a divider in the room and two of our kids were sleeping in a pull out couch on the other side. Around 3am awoke to sounds of velcro and it sounded like my kid was putting his shoes on (he was)."
"Next thing I know I hear the hotel room door opening. I leaped further than I thought possible across the entire suite and was able to grab him just as the door was about to close and pulled him back into the room. He was sleepwalking, but I shudder to think what might've happened if I wasn't roused by the sound of him putting on shoes."
Sicko
puke GIFGiphyPuked on the stairs "go back to bed I'll sort it out" Sob "I can't, I was sick in my bed" "OK, well, you can get into mum and dad bed while I sort that out as well" Sob sob "I was sick in there as well."
Yeah, now I'm never even going to babysit. I'm not putting my life on the line by watching little Johnny for the evening while you run out to see a Marvel movie. And drink bad wine.
DYE!
Easter Bunny GIF by Omer GalGiphy"When my daughter was about 4 and it was approaching Easter, she said "I want to kill all the Easter eggs."
"My wife and I were, like, "uh... what?"
"She said "I want to kill all the Easter eggs."
I said "What do you mean?"
"She replied "You know, dip them and make them all different colors."
"I said "You mean DYE the Easter eggs."
"She shrugged and looked at me like "Yeah, duh ya moron."
People Share The Dumbest Purchases They Have Ever Made | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"Oh no, he's here! Run!"
"Was having a house party a few months ago. My friends came over and brought their kids. My wife got a bouncy house for them to play on. All the adults were inside eating food and chatting. Some of the kids were outside playing on the bouncy house. I realized that at least one adult should be out there with them, so I left the adults and wandered outside."
"As I was getting closer to where the kids were playing, I started hearing some rhythmic chanting coming from their direction. I got suspicious, so I decided to sneak up on them and see what they were doing. Four of the children were holding hands and bouncing in a circle in the middle of the bouncy house chanting "Evil rules! Evil rules! Evil rules!"
"I stood there in amazement for a minute trying to figure out what game they were playing. One of the girls in the group suddenly looked in my direction and screamed "Oh no, he's here! Run!" All the children scattered and ran away. To this day, my son still won't tell me what they were doing."
- ToyDingo
Bad Brother
"3.5 year old threw literal rocks at his helpless newborn sister in her car seat because he was mad that we were leaving the park. Kids do some messed up stuff. She had a couple of small scratches and was crying but nothing serious. Stuff like this happens so quickly that it's unavoidable when you need to do things like go to the bathroom or put a bag in the trunk of the car."
"Young kids usually just really don't understand the consequences of actions like these and it's impossible to foresee every weird impulse they will get to say a preemptive no. Like maybe your sister saw your mom cracking eggs earlier that day and thought the baby's head look like an egg or some other random whatever. Parenting often feels like a series of near misses and choosing the least bad of many not good options."
a demon circle...
"The other day, my 6 year old daughter and I were sitting on a bench and she started drawing shapes in the air with her fingers. I guessed the shapes and we laughed. Then she got serious and drew: a circle, a triangle, and a ???? I laughed and asked what they were and she responded, "it was a circle with a triangle and eye inside... it's a demon circle." Then she laughed maniacally. I was a little creeped out by the randomness, but I love my demon-summoning monster."
Hitch
season 3 thumbs up GIF by PortlandiaGiphy"My 3 year old stuck her thumb out on the main road as if to hitchhike I was shocked and I asked where she learnt that from, she said she used to do that to get around when she was a big girl. That was creepy well for me anyway."
The Grinch
"I came here in hopes of feeling better about myself and my son (4yrs)... But here we go. My son, for over a year has been afraid of something green in the same spot on the ceiling. He continues to tell me, "shh, don't wake the Grinch." At day care, he has face stomped a kid at nap time, because he took a toy horse from my son on day one at the day care."
"Used a toy stethoscope to choke a kid ( because he wanted the toy) when I tried to explain how it hurt the kid, my son told me, well he didn't say anything. No child, he didn't say anything because he couldn't breathe. Yes, we are in therapy."
"Who told you that?"
"Back at the turn of the century my wife and I were sitting downstairs watching a movie. Our daughter who was about 4 was playing upstairs. We hear her come down stairs and she walks up to the couch and tells us something weird. I don't remember what she said but it made one of us ask "Who told you that?" She replies with "The little boy up in my room." She is an only child and there was no friends visiting."
- MrJim911
Flames...
scary movie burn GIF by UsGiphy"I'm not a parent. But when I was younger I set my room on fire and tried to get my grandparents to lie."
A Touch Off...
"I'm thirteen years older than my sister, so I basically functioned as a third parent, and I've always thought she was a touch off. When she was about four or five, she had a phase where she kept tying her toys together. I'd come in a room she had been playing in, and she'd have a string wrapped around a toy horse's neck, then wrapped around a lamp, then wrapped around a doll's neck, then wrapped around a chair leg--and there'd be several strings and ropes tied in this way."
"Literally the entire room would be a web of toys and strings. It looked like a child's version of a SAW movie, and it was a pain in the butt to help her clean up. One day when I was watching her I told her not to do it, she agreed, and then I came back in not too long after and she had somehow done it anyway."
"She was sitting in a chair looking at me indirectly, like she was nervous. I was irritated and asked her why she did it after she said she wouldn't, and she said the most future-serial-killer sentence I have ever heard: "Sometimes I just do things and I don't really understand why I'm doing them."
"Among us"
"My kids all talk in their sleep. One of them (14) can be pretty distressing because it almost always sounds like he's crying. Recently though, for some reason him and his brother (13) just go around saying "Among us" for no reason… constantly. One night last week, the 14 year old and my 6 year old talked in their sleep and just simply said "among us" and nothing else. I guess that's progress though."
Below...
"My son used to sleepwalk occasionally when he was little (6-8). One night he came over while his dad and I were sitting on the couch and told us "I dont like the people in the basement. They're too loud." Good thing the couch was brown because someone may have pooped in my pants right then."
Let's Streak?
"Not a parent. Older cousin who lives with younger cousin. He's a sweetheart and lovely. He was 4 at the time, he's now 5. He said at breakfast, out of the blue, "Today is a good day to go on a murder streak." No one here is allowed to watch that stuff."
"He showed me a drawing of him looking in a mirror and in the reflection a demon was there. He pointed to the demon and said "That's me." He ended up getting a mental evaluation. He's fine, just creepy. I don't have a picture. I can redraw it and post it if you wanna see it."
Asleep...
"My daughter has what I can only assume are nightmares. She doesn't recall them at all, and is still sound asleep when it's happening, but when it started I would hear her little voice getting louder and louder "no... No! Help [mom or dad]" Daddy rolled in hot the first time it happened, I was ready to ventilate someone. She was sound asleep."
- WoWLaw
Poor Bob
"My son 4 yrs. Old loved watching the price is right, this was when Bob Barker was the host, anyway my son would clap, yell with excitement along with the audience. When someone would lose he would be so disappointed for them. Until one day he got so pissed off, I was in another room, he's yelling throw the old man in the dryer. I came out asking what wrong. The lady didn't win the washer and dryer, my son is mad and wants to burn poor Bob in the dryer."
Mr. Howdy?
The Exorcist GIF by filmeditorGiphy"My son makes this funny noise with his voice every once in awhile. When my daughter tries to imitate the noise she sounds like Reagan from "The Exorcist." The creepy part is she does it when she's in her crib, talking herself to sleep at night. 😳"
Demon circles? What is this "The Exorcist?" How much you want to bet the little girl in that movie was in on it with the devil? Now I'll be side eyeing and ready to mace any kid that even sneezes in my direction. Trust no one.
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My brother and I have an entire decade between us. There is not much that we can relate to when it comes to our daily lives. What we can agree on are the things that drive one another most crazy. I mainly can't stand his music, his clothes, and his hair. And I know best, because I'm perfect.
Shut Up!
Giphy"He's always loud, and whenever something doesn't go his way he screams bloody murder."
Sounds like Pop
"One-upmanship. No matter the topic, she knows better and needs to make sure I feel like an idiot."
- mkatwh
"That is exactly my father. So frustrating. Makes it impossible to have a non-surface level conversation, and then he gets annoyed that we don't talk that much. When I veer the conversation into topics where I definitively know more than him, he either tries to one up me again or just stops talking entirely."
Special Names
"When my wife and I were expecting twins my sister was jealous of the attention. She doctor shopped until she found someone who would prescribe a specific fertility drug that increased the likelihood of twins."
"We lost our twins about halfway through the pregnancy. But my sister took the names we had intended to name ours, and used that name for her twins."
Memories...
"You know that slightly embarrassing thing that happened 30+ years ago? Let's bring that up Every. Single. Time. Family. Gets. Together... for 30+years. We're all in our 40s and the annoying sibling thing never really ends. lol I still see my Mom and her siblings squabble from time to time."
"Edited to add: I feel like I should make it very clear that I dearly love my siblings. Every one has annoying siblings. I'm sure I annoy them as well. Lol."
- WW76kh
Bad Mom
a bad moms christmas GIF by Bad MomsGiphy"Screams at her kids because they dared to breathe in her presence."
- Bluellan
See these people get it. Sometimes you have to let family know when they are too much. Siblings can be the most self centered and obnoxious. And why do they have to be so loud? Ever heard of an inside voice? Damn...
The Bond
siblings fighting GIF by sam maurerGiphy"Care. If she didn't I'd most likely not be alive right now. It annoys me but she the only reason I feel too bad to go back to my old life style, even when things get bad."
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
Cheater!
"I have a younger sibling (around 10 years old) and all they do, all day, is zoom or play mine craft with friends, now this would be fine if they didn't constantly yell at each other."
"DID YOU CHEAT IN DIAMONDS?!"
"NOOOOOOOO"
"YOU BLEW UP MY HOUSE insert no proof other than that kid eating a donut at 3pm or soothing idk "
"I'm so done."
She's a Problem...
"She has absolutely no regard for other people."
"Example: I'm moving to Nashville at the end of the month. After she and my cousin volunteered to help me move, she immediately jumped into planning a "girls' trip". We'd stop in Santa Rosa to visit some famous swimming hole, stop in Cadillac Ranch, spend an entire day in Memphis, etc."
"When I told her I didn't want to do those things, especially because I have a cat and can't just leave her in a hotel room by herself, her response was that I'm "the one who wanted to do this trip". False, sister - it was you from the get-go. When my cousin agreed with me, my sister bailed because it wasn't going to be any "fun."
"Then, she decided she was going to drive up to Nashville from Orlando instead. Then she wasn't and would maybe come visit in July. I told her July wouldn't be a great time because I'll be out of town for a little while and training for teachers usually starts in mid-July. Then she was. Then wasn't. Then it was a maybe as of last week, but she wouldn't know until "like the weekend before."
"I texted her the next day wanting to know if she'd do me a favor if she came up on moving day and she replies that she isn't after all, but is coming up in July with her friend. And when I reminded her about why coming up in July wasn't good, she got mad at me."
Anger Issues
"My older sister gets angry and cannot control it, leading her to say some pretty messed up stuff to me or family members. I wish she'd be more self aware and change."
"I struggled with this for a long time. I'd get super angry for no reason and say horrible things. I hated it so much. Turns out I'm hypoglycemic and that's how I act when my blood sugar gets too low. Still not great, but it means I have a way to fix it when it starts to happen."
Bathroom Problems
toilet paper help GIFGiphy"He refuses to use regular toilet paper to wipe his butt, instead opting to use wash cloths and then just leaving his crap rags wherever he pleases. he also takes enormous poops and then doesn't flush."
Feeling a Grudge...
"They're all kind of selfish. I'm the exact middle of 5 kids, and they all really only care about themselves. I feel like I'm the only one to ever check in, and ask how they're doing. I've had conversations lasting hours and very rarely does anyone ever ask how I'm doing. We're all really close, but I've gone through a few major life changes and a pretty big trauma in the last two years, and not one of them called to make sure I was OK. I try not to hold a grudge or make it a fight, but I find it pretty irritating."
Young and Immature
"He's the epitome of a 'younger sibling' mentality. I'll admit, I have a temper, but it doesn't excuse him antagonizing me half the time. I used to get punished all the time when I was younger because he'd provoke me and go crying to our mother. As we've gotten older (we're in our teens now), our family has begun to realize this, and things have gotten more fair. I still get grounded occasionally, but it beats getting punished for things I'd never even done half the time. But now when he doesn't get his way he whines to our mom about how "You NEVER take my side!."
Get Out!
"My little sister will stand right outside my door (open it if closed) and when told to leave goes "but I'm not in your room" but if I walk by minding my own business she's scream "GET OUTTA MY ROOM" every. Damn. Time."
"I just moved in to my own room, and my sister did the exact same thing, I was setting up my pc, and she kept stepping in and out for 5 minutes straight, pissed the hell out of me. On top of that, later in the same day my sister told my mom" (my name) was screaming at me when I was doing nothing."
T. M. I.
"One of my sisters has no damn filter. I know way too much about her sex life. The first thing she said when I told my family my new boyfriend was in a wheelchair was "does his penis work?". Her smarta** comments have gotten her into trouble way too many freaking times. She needs to pipe the hell down."
- rlw0312
Calm Down Yo
Over It Reaction GIF by Women's History MonthGiphy"One of my siblings is always dramatic and intrusive. Always fighting or making comments. We are opposites and it kills my mellow."
So Lazy
"My younger brother always asks me to do things when he is perfectly capable of doing them himself. "Can you make me a snack?" "Can you get my phone from the other room?" Usually I'm pretty good about people asking me favors, but he does it out of laziness and it really grinds my gears."
Chores...
fx networks toilet GIF by Better ThingsGiphy"Whenever there is a chore to be done that we both have to do is he is suddenly taking a 10 hour crap. So annoying."
He's Gross...
"Leaves his hair in the shower drain, leaves his butt lint on the toilet seat when he takes a crap, leaves a mess on the kitchen counter when he cooks, leaves garbage near the pail when he misses a free throw, leaves his dishes in the sink, doesn't spray nearly enough when he takes a crap, slams the dog gate every time he walks through it."
"He doesn't freaking respect any of my belongings, puts his dirty feet up on my desk when I repeatedly tell him not to, and recently he broke my monitor for my windows vista computer because he was watching anime and then he tried to turn it off and he slapped it really hard several times and now it doesn't stay on for more then 2 seconds every time I power it on."
"He also throws around my switch controllers, and has broken one, made the a button stop working on another, and has no sense of respect for me, like not letting me sit on his bed when I come in his room, and usually ushers me out very aggressively yet he comes into my room freely, and without permission. He is 17, about to turn 18, I am 15, about to turn 16. You would expect him to be freaking mature by now but he's not."
Must You?
paper bag GIFGiphy"She breathes.... That's not saying I hate her, I literally mean that she breathes louder than a normal person should, and I'm lowkey worried about her health."
In the end I do love my sibling. But if there was a prize for burning my last nerve? He'd win all of the time. And clearly I'm not alone in this issue. You gotta love family. I suppose...
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Remember when you were a kid, and you had that one top secret thing that you never told your parents? Well trust me, they knew what was up. Like, I may have told my dad that I was going out for a “midnight walk” when I was 17, but I was actually going out to hook up with someone from my drama class. He found out the truth really quick.
Parents always know, my friends. They may act like they don’t to avoid your embarrassment, but they see everything. Keep that in mind next time you think you’ve successfully covered up that hickey with concealer.
U/BinaryPeach asked: Parents of reddit, what secret do your kids think they've kept hidden from you for years, but you actually know the truth?
When you’re a little kid, sometimes covering up the truth can be a cute attempt at being a good kid. That changes real quick when you get older.
Imaginary friends are real!
My poor sweet kindergartener confessed with tears in his eyes that his imaginary friend wasn't real. That he'd never been real. That he'd been lying.
I had a hard time keeping a straight face as he poured his heart out about the guilt that had been eating him alive for being a "lying liar who lied to his mom." Then I hugged him and fessed up that I knew.
We talked about his friend's baby brother who was almost 3 and had an imaginary friend Mickey Mouse.
Did he really think this baby was playing with Mickey Mouse when he had to go grocery shopping with his dad while his big brother played on the trampoline with my son? Did he think this little guy was a bad person for saying he and Mickey Mouse had ice cream and played games in his magic house just because he was jealous about not being able to stay and play?
We talked about how he created his imaginary friend when he was only 2. How he uses his imaginary friend to talk about things that were bothering him. Like when his dad went out of town for 3 weeks and he was scared he wasn't coming back and afraid his dad left because he broke some stuff while playing.
Oh how he squirmed to realize I knew he had been talkimg about himself and not his imaginary friend's family!
Anyways, it was a good talk. He seemed to realize it was okay to talk about uncomfortable or scary things using an imaginary friend and that I wasn't deceived or mad about it.
Since then, the imaginary friend has shown up a few times. Like when it got a love letter from a girl at school the same age and didn't love her back. Or when the "purple cat" saw another kid eat a bug on the playground and wasn't sure if he wanted to still be friends anymore.
Definitely didn’t know that at all.
Detective Pikachu Reaction GIF
Giphy
Good to see my mum didn't know about me playing Pokemon when I was supposed to be asleep.
How else are we gonna catch those night-only Pokémon like Hoothoot?!
Three year olds, man.
My three year old tells me she washed her hands after going to the bathroom... She can't reach the faucet on her stool.
Right? My 3 year old clearly thinks I know nothing. My favorite is when he poops his pants and then denies it....
I think every person who has ever been a teenager has lied about something at some point. And typically they aren’t so lucky in getting away with it.
At least he confessed....eight years later.
Our son stole money from our wallets when he was 14. We had two other kids old enough to be able to do that, but we knew it was him. He's 22 now and asked him recently. He confessed and was shocked that we knew.
Nana stayed quiet.
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When my mom was 16, she had a night job and a boyfriend. She would sometimes say she was going to work when she'd actually go to her boyfriends house. Her mom knew. Nana sat on that for 40 years.
My grandmother still enjoys pulling stuff like this on my mom and her siblings.
It's always fun to watch a 60 something do the "MOM!" with the shocked-teenage face on.
Every teen has snuck out.
Not a parent but I am one of 10 kids. My younger brother got busted for sneaking out of the house. And hard core (by my parents standard) punished. Mom made him check in with location tags every hour and he wasn't allowed out past a certain time. He was 17 or so.
I had to sit my parents down and tell them that all 6 of us older siblings had also snuck out and they were being completely unreasonable. They'd had no idea.
This ended up being wholesome.
When I started dating my now wife. We were not at the age to legally drink, I worked at a liquor store and my friends older brothers may have accidentally left some liquor around. Well my GF had never had anything other than a small dixie cup of champagne at new years ago I happened to have a half bottle of Burnett's grape vodka that I "snuck" into her house when we thought her parents were sleeping. Like 10 years later we find out they happened to look out the window to see if it was snowing and saw me grab it out of my trunk. We thought we got away with it 100% and just became a good laugh.
Ironically though, both of my wife's siblings had their first alcoholic drink because of me and my wife, mainly because they trusted us to not let them go over board when they were going to college age.
There are those special, well thought out lies that are so creative, that sometimes parents will just go along with it due to being impressed. I hope my kids are this smart.
I would do it too for a cute cat.
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I was the kid. I have always loved cats, and couldn't stand to see unloved cats. I brought home a lot of kittens and cats over time, to the point that my mom told me I wasn't allowed to bring any more home, no joking.
So one day, many moons ago, I at about 10 yo went to the Pike Place Market in Seattle and was wandering around when I came across a guy with a box of kittens. I knew I couldn't bring home a kitten, but I fell HARD for this little black and white kitten. I think I spent an hour trying to figure out how to convince my mom I HAD to have this kitten, and came up with... as I was walking home from the bus stop, a car drove by and someone tossed a box out in front of me. I of course checked it out, and lo and behold, a helpless kitten! Obviously I couldn't leave it on the side of this busy road, so I had to bring her home!
Mom let me keep her after interrogating me for a while, and I loved my Bootsie so much while she was with us ( she had a seizure disorder and didn't live long).
About 15 years later, my mom told me she knew I was lying the whole time, but it was such a creative lie, she felt I should be rewarded for.
Well, not all of them can be as clever....
When I was a kid I used to keep a pretty elegant glass bong on my night stand and I would place fake flowers in it to make it just look like a vase because I just underestimated my parents that much. It's crazy how great you think you are as a teenager. lol. But my parents totally knew and just thought I was an idiot for thinking I was so clever.
That sounds really tasty actually.
My son thinks he is slick and got away with drinking some of my salted caramel moonshine. I know he snuck a shot or three. I'm okay with it. He's 17 and responsible, smart and an amazing kid. A smidge of moonshine isn't a huge deal.
Remember kids, if you think you’re getting away with something, nine times out of ten, your parents are twelve steps ahead of you. Just a heads-up, thank me later.
But thank goodness for the parents who love us anyway, no matter what stupid hijinks we get into.