People Who Were Suspected Of A Crime They Didn't Commit Reveal What It Was Like
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked:
Redditors who were once considered suspect of a crime they did not commit, what's it like being held under suspicion and how did it affect your life?
It Feels Like Your Life Is Taken From You
I was prosecuted in 2014 having been charged with conspiracy to commit criminal damage over a 2 year period, to a value of about £200k. I was on bail for 9 months during which I couldn't speak to 8 of my best mates, I had to find time to attend court without it affecting my work, and I had to fork over £5k in legal aid contributions.
My home was raided, I was arrested, I suffered from anxiety and it put me and my family under an awful lot of stress. I knew I wasn't guilty and it felt like my life was on hold for ages.
After two weeks of trial, the prosecution offered no evidence and I was, therefore, found not guilty. It felt like the world was lifted from my shoulders.
Hard To Getaway With A Baby
My ex was accused of robbing a house, and I was accused of being the get away driver. The cops came to my house, and questioned me. My ex had been out of town working, and you'd think that would've been an airtight alibi, but it wasn't. They figured where he was he could have robbed the house, and been where he was to start work. He came home early to deal with this despite my protesting. They arrested him visiting his terminally ill mom.
I had our baby with me, and they told me to follow them to the station where they would have cps waiting to take custody of our baby. I ran to my mom's house. They tried to arrest me as a get away driver, but I had an absolute airtight alibi, and they had to let me go. They kept him for the charges of home invasion.
Our relationship suffered after that. Said I cast too much suspicion when I ran with the baby, and it looked like I was stashing the stolen property. He lost his job because of it. They printed it in the local paper that he was arrested for the crime. After further investigation we were implicated by the actual robbers. They knew I was a stay at home mom, and didn't figure I'd have an alibi, and they didn't know that he had been working out if time. They gave the police our name, and the plates off my car.
The police never printed a retraction saying he wasn't the robber. There wasn't a retraction saying that I was no longer a suspect. Our names were ran through the mud. It completely ruined our relationship because he said I hung him out to dry. I had to move away and start over because people wouldn't hire me.
Trust A Better Friend Next Time
Not me, but a friend of mine was arrested on charges of downloading child pornography. The whole thing took two years to come to court.. which was instantly dismissed due to him being able to prove he was on vacation and had left a friend housesitting during the time of the downloads. Those two years destroyed his life though... local paper released his arrest details, he lost his job, his house was attacked by a mob (he had to pick up and leave in the middle of the night with nothing....he's never been back so he lost the house he owned and all of his possessions)... he ended up living in a tent in a field. It's been probably 5 years since he was totally acquitted and he's just now got his life back to normal.
Sometimes It's Too Late To Fix The Problem
I was falsely accused of domestic violence. Every horror story and legend about this you've heard is actually not bad enough to capture what actually happens to you as a male when this occurs.
She was kept anonymous, but my identity was public. My family shunned me, my friends abandoned me, lost my job, my car, my house, the legal bills ruined me. She suffered no consequences either.
Not only was I found Not Guilty, but I also received a "Finding of Innocence" which basically means, "This could not have happened, there is no way the accused did this."
Didn't matter though, the damage was done. In the end, I found out who really cares about the truth, and me. That liar died an early, painful death of cancer though.
It Wasn't Me, It Was The Other Me!
I almost went to jail and had my identity frozen because some guy had the same first name and last name as me, born on the same day, same month, SAME YEAR.
This guy was on parole and I think had a warrant out for him too. The only thing that saved me was that we lived in different counties, which happen to be right next to each other. The DMV had to contact the hall of records and compare our social security numbers to make sure that I wasn't the one on parole.
I dealt with it for several years, multiple police logs about my mistaken identity, multiple times being put in the back of a squad car because they thought I was him. I hope he got his sh-t together.
Sir, Are You Also 'John Smith'?
Ah, it's been fun. I was once brought to the Military Comissariat (that's the place in Russia where all the stuff about the military forces in the region is done). That was some time ago, I wasn't 18 yet and I had to bring my father too. They told me that there was a guy in Crimea who tried to purchase a place in FBI. He called somebody that he was making a deal with using a phone that he borrowed from a man on the street.
When he got caught, he told the authorities the name of phone's owner... which matches with my name completely (consider that the patronymic (father's name) is a part of a name too in Russia).
I asked all of their questions, told them I never was in Crimea, they copied some stuff from my phone's AC and I left. They never bothered me again. It was the oddest experience I had in my life.
Just Call Me "BomberMan"
When I was in 8th grade someone set off a homemade explosive near my house. They made a huge deal about it even though it was equivalent to a big firework.
Someone at my school submitted an anonymous tip that said "110_percent_THC knows how to make bombs." I had a detective put the screws on me at school soon after. They tried really hard to get me to admit to something I didn't do. I don't know if it mattered, but they interrogated me at school without my parents knowledge and before they were ever made aware I was a potential suspect. The detective told me "You're the mastermind of this complex and I'm going to prove it." He then showed up at my house after school that day and interviewed my parents. I told my parents in front of him that he straight up accused me of doing it and quoted his little line. He denied it which was such a sh*t thing to do.
It didn't really affect my life long term. It sucked when it happened and then I forgot about it.
The Unfortunate Problem Of Being The Last Person To See Her
When I was in high school one of my friends disappeared. We had a normal day at school, afterwards she asked me to drive her a couple of places for yearbook ad sales. I did and dropped her off back at school. She never made it home. That night I got a call from her mother asking if I knew where she was. I didn't. I rallied some friends, we made some flyers and hit all the obvious spots--airport, bus station and even called the local hospitals.
A couple of days later some detectives showed up at school and questioned me. Like someone else noted in this thread, I was not read my rights nor were my parents asked to be with me while I was questioned. Since I was the last person known to have seen her I was the prime suspect. I told them for hours I had no clue where she was.
Several days later I retraced our stops. At one place, the cops showed up and questioned me again. I was just looking for my friend.
My parents got involved at this point and the detectives backed off a little bit. But I ended up getting followed and I even got a ticket for something dumb, like going over a double yellow line, just so the cops could search my car. It was classic harassment and to this day I don't have a high regard for cops.
A few months later, my phone would ring at odd hours in the middle of the night. I would answer but whomever was on the other end of the phone wouldn't say a peep. Finally one night the call came, and she said hello. She told me what happened and where she was. I couldn't believe it, I thought she was dead. She had sh-tty reasons for running away but I respected why she did it. I didn't know what to do.
I went into school the next day and asked a trusted teacher what I should do. He told me I had to tell the authorities so I could give her family some peace and also to raise the cloud of suspicion I was under. So I did, I betrayed her confidence and called her family and the cops. Her family retrieved her from where she fled to and put her in private school. I tried calling her a few times but she refused to take my call. I wrote her off.
Some years later I Googled her and found out she was a bigwig at an Ivy League institution. I ended up sending her and email and she called me. She graduated HS, went to a great school and began her career. We chatted a couple of times but not once did she apologize. She did tell me life was bad for her after her family got her back.
She was sort of resentful that I told on her I think. We never did connect in person. While I think she has some resentment. I am happy she turned out ok. Yeah, it was a few months of hell and I didn't deserve it. I just simply moved on. I Google her every now and then, she's sort of a local celebrity where she lives, she involved with the arts so her name is published quite frequently.
Cops can really make your life hell if they want to.
A Cousin By Any Other Name
Not me, but my cousin.
He lives near San Francisco, and he was coming out of a movie one night when some cops stopped him. Apparently, someone stole one of those rented bikes, and a witness have a description that matched my cousin.
They didn't take him in, but they did grill him about where the bike was, got the witness to come and say it was him, and stuck him in the back of their car for a while. They told him he was a good liar but a dumb thief because all the bikes have GPS tracking.
Spoiler alert, he didn't steal the bike, and they found it with someone else who matched the description. They showed the witness, who confirmed it was the other guy, and they let my cousin go.
Neither the cops nor the witness apologized about the whole thing, but from what I gather, that's par for the course. My cousin was shaken up about it, but nothing else happened.
Dead Giveaway Was The Braces
This is a mild one.
When I was 16, my parents got a notice of a warrant out for my arrest. This 4'11" teenage girl with braces. Cue our confusion.
We contact the police and find out that some woman from a vintage store I frequented had accused me of a hit and run in their parking lot. The police officer handling the case was awful. Never contacted me. Looked at my car and saw no damage, but since the woman could pick my photo out of a line up (I went to this store all the time, of course she would recognize me) the cop decided that I did the crime and that I needed to be arrested.
My parents had to hire a lawyer and we went to court. We were able to get the case dropped, unless more evidence were to come up.
None ever did.
It was scary, and my parents were pissed at me for months (even though I didn't do anything).
Cheating The System
Worked as a cashier while in college at a well known big box wholesaler. The system has clerks and assistants with a pretty big pay difference. I worked the crappy shifts and got more "clerk time" so higher pay and quicker raises because others wanted to go home early all the time.
I was accused of cheating to get raises. Several times they looked at the time cards and all they saw was the I worked late crappy shifts and always covered for people that wanted to go party.
Money ended up missing from a register that I was on while covering for a break. Everyone on the register was put on the "watch" list.
I never once stole from them, but co-workers were really pissed. They took time off to party while I worked crappy shifts and saved. They bought new cars while I drove an old clunker and saved money. I had money while they were broke and they didn't like that.
I was setup several times and this was a union shop, after quite a while, the union finally stepped in and realized what was going on.
They never found any evidence of anything. Managers and co-workers made a different set of rules to harass me, even thou I was the guy picking up the crappy late nite shifts and working when others just wanted to party.
Not the first time these kinds of things happen. Seems people just don't like to see others that don't fit in with what they are or do. Seen it many times, people can be really sh-tty.
Unfortunate Car Damage
I was driving my buddies car that matched the description to a T of another car that has just hit a girl on a skateboard. This happened in a small town, so the whole town was looking for the car. I had a police officer damn near leap or in front of me as I was pulling away from a stop sign and berated me left and right.
They brought some witnesses over and said the car I was driving was the car. I understand that because the car that hit the girl had a smashed up front right corner and the side mirror got ripped off when the car hit the girl. The car I was driving had a smashed right front and no side mirror. They were ready to haul me in until another cop came over and noticed the car I was driving was covered in dust, whereas the car that hit the girl wasn't dusty per witnesses.
A few phone calls to my buddies house from the police verifying that I had just come from there saved me and they reluctantly let me go. They found the real culprit a few hours later.
It didn't really affect me much because nothing came of it, but it was terrifying at the time. It almost felt like a movie, like it's this really happening, am I seriously going to jail for something I didn't do?
These Are Your Formative Years
Some friends and I were surrounded by rifle wielding cops while walking home from taco bell one day when I was 14 or 15. The arrested us, and took us to the station. They kept asking us to confess, that they know what we did, and that they had witnesses.
To this day I have no idea what they suspected us of. They let us go that night. I don't trust cops.
Just Another Good Story
My husband was a murder/missing person suspect for a day or two, as he and his friend gave the guy a ride home and were the last to see him. I'm sure at first it was stressful since they didn't know what happened to the man, but once his body was found, he was cleared of suspicion right away (it was obvious the guy died naturally outside in the winter.)
He told me the story over one of our first dates, and I went wild looking online to make sure I could corroborate the story and I wasn't getting involved in something fishy.
Now it's just a sad/slightly ironic story (since he's the nicest, most trustworthy guy you could hope to meet) that he'll bring up when drinking occasionally.
Military Lock-Up
Confusing, mostly, since I wasn't being told what I was accused of.
I was in the army on a foreign post, when I was ordered to CID. I had to sign something acknowledging that I was being accused of a crime, but then I just sat around for hours waiting for someone to talk to me, wondering wtf this was all about.
Finally, someone showed up to interrogate me about the crime, which was a laptop stolen from a barracks room. Since I and 2 other soldiers had performed an inventory of the barracks furniture (and thus had access to every room for a day), we were the (only, I assume) suspects. Fortunately for me, the victim of the crime was a very good friend of mine, so I was able to tell the investigator that the laptop was stolen (and reported to CID) well before we went through the barracks.
He left the room to make a phone call, came back, and said we were free to go. Took less than 5 minutes.
What Happens When You're Younger Affects You Later On
I was 11 and was accused of busting the neighbors window. It sucked because I was friends with their son. The cops came and questioned me a bunch and I was nervous because I was being accused of something I'd never even consider doing. It didn't help that the cop was a dick. He was basically telling me I did it. It all turned out fine. I didn't get charged or have to buy a new window.
It just made me no longer be friends with the neighbor, and I lost a lot of respect for cops.
Now, On A Slightly Lighter Note
I was a suspect of tripping one of my friends on the playground back in 3rd grade. The school bully was the one who did it, but they knew to get out of sight fast and I was the first one blamed because I was walking next to the victim. I guess the significant impact on my life is that me and the accuser stopped being friends after that because I got detention.
A Young Life Torn Apart
I was once accused of setting my room on fire by the police. I wasn't home at the time and a 16 year old teenager who just lost my father to a heart attack 75 days before hand. My aunt had moved in several months before and had been having her birthday party.
I had asked to go to a friend's house after being there for a little while. While playing computer games at my friend's house I got a phone call that my room was on fire so I rushed on my bike back to see the fire department finishing up and the police investigating. The police told me they didn't believe that it was an accident, so they asked me to come to the station to answer some questions so we could figure out who did it. Being naive I agreed of course I will. We will definitely find out who did it, ask me anything.
I was not read my rights at all including that as a minor I have the right to a guardian present. It started out as a friendly sort of interview and I had no idea they suspected me, but it became clear that they did when they started yelling at me and accusing me.
They believed I set my room on fire because I wanted to hurt my family to which I responded if I wanted to hurt them why wouldn't I set a fire on the stairs so they couldn't escape? Their reply was that it was a cry for help and it was not too late for me. I responded that why would I set a fire in my room it has all my things in it... why wouldn't I set a fire somewhere else in the house.
I asked them for any evidence or proof because they were just blaming the teenager for something that happened when he wasn't even home. When I asked the fire investigator what he thought he said he thought I did it too, and the reason the fire started when I wasn't home was because I had been making bombs. I was shocked in disbelief.
The police then kept yelling at me to sign a confession and that everything would go easier for me once I signed it. I told them I've seen plenty of movies and the police always try to strong-arm confessions to the innocent just so they can get a conviction. It was almost humorous when they said this isn't a movie kid, except I had been crying my eyes out by this point.
After several hours of making a little boy cry without him cracking they'd let me go. I was a very good and boring kid who completely trusted authority figures before then... now I realize that anyone can be a liar, idiot, or a--hole. I never smoked, didn't have a drink until I was 21, worked full time, and for fun rode my bike and played with my pets. (Also I loved my pets... why would I endanger them?)
The fallout from this was that my aunt and uncle treated me like a monster until I moved out. It was only years later until after my aunt and uncle divorced that my aunt told me that my former Uncle knew that his friend had started the fire by doing drugs in my room while I wasn't home. The friend already had a record and would have gone away for a long long time so my uncle told him to get out of there and told the police he thought I started it to protect his friend. while I hate my aunt for many reasons it did sort of show why she never treated me nicely.
That friend later fell asleep while smoking or doing drugs, which started a fire. His stepson died, his daughter was crippled, cats and dogs dead, and he himself is bedridden in a care home unable to speak. If he hadnt been such a wimpy loser who could take responsibility for his actions he would be out of prison and able to walk, and those children would be alive.
My life was changed, and not for the better. Im fine now, but this event made some struggles come back to bite me as a younger man. The only good adult out of all the friends and family and cops there was my old tae kwon do instructor. He fought the fire with extinguishers and saved my two cats hiding in my room. When I got there on my bike he was outside holding them both. He was a great man.
Ever had a crime pinned on you? Let us know below!
H/T: Reddit
Until we're in a situation, we'll never really know how we'll react.
I have been in this scenario, though.
Sex matters. And people rarely want to admit how much.
But sex isn't a lifetime guarantee.
It fades, as does love.
It's important to speak about it.
It can be a fixable situation.
A relationship without sex may not be the end of the world, but it's definitely a sign that something is off.
Redditor Deviant55 wanted to talk about physical intimacy in relationships, so they asked:
"How important is sex to you in a relationship? Could you be with someone you love even if sex was off the table indefinitely?"
I learned how much sex matters in my last relationship.
Once I wasn't interested, it kind of killed everything.
Forever
"When my wife of 30+ years became too ill for sex to be even remotely interesting for her, I certainly did not end the relationship. I loved her and I took care of her until she died. No other course even occurred to me."
fvillion
Frustration
"When I met my wife we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. This lasted a few years. I was in my mid-twenties when we married. She developed a chronic medical issue. I’ve gone twenty years being sexually frustrated. There are stages and phases to this."
"What I came to realize is that I love my wife. Yes, sex is important in our relationship. But I would rather have her in my life with no sex than have sex without her."
"The thing is, I love her. She can’t help her situation. I can’t help it. One deals with it. Marriage is more than sex. It is building a life and memories, raising a family, and loving each other regardless of the challenges life throws our way. But sex is very important. It helps keep the closeness and the emotional bond. But it isn’t the only thing that does that."
QuietusNoctis
I Love Her
"It is complicated. I am in a near-sexless marriage. The wife needs antidepressants to function. And it kills her libido. So usually it is four to six times a year. My libido rages. And yeah, it sucks. I dream of more sex."
"But I love the chick. She loves me to the moon and back. I’m not willing to sacrifice her love so I can try dating again. Divorce rates these days? And I found a woman who more than tolerates me, she loves me. I’ll stay. And not to be crude but yeah I masturbate. A lot. She doesn’t begrudge me that. Occasionally she even encourages it."
"She went off her meds for a while. And man did we do it. But she was a mess. I need her healthy more than I need a shag. We travel together. We enjoy each other’s company. We actually like each other. I could claim that it is hell, but I choose to see all of the good I am blessed with."
painthawg_goose
Heartless
"Quite important. But I think it depends on where you are in the relationship. I've been married for 10 years. I have kids. If my wife suddenly couldn't have sex with me for some reason -- illness or injury or something -- I'm not divorcing her over it. That's heartless."
"Now, if she just decided we weren't ever having sex again because she didn't feel like it, that'd be different. Or if I was just starting to date someone and they told me they'd never have sex, I probably just wouldn't keep pursuing the relationship. Plenty of people out there who will."
Arkhangelzk
Necessity
"It depends on the circumstances. I LOVE doing it with my man but I love his heart and soul more. If we had to stop having sex for medical reasons or something I’d definitely stay with him and stay faithful. If I was single, I think it’s unlikely I’d start a new relationship knowing it would be sex free."
Fit_Technology8240
Heart and soul is just as necessary and hot and sweaty.
At least a lot of people recognize that.
Percentages
"Sex life is 10% of a relationship when it’s good and 90% of a relationship when it’s bad."
jakovichontwitch
"The other way I've heard it put is that sex is like the bathroom in your house. It's not the only reason you bought the house, but if it's not working it's a big problem."
molten_dragon
Age Related
"50-year-old here married for 27 years. It’s not important. It was important when we were younger but honestly, if sex wasn’t possible I would still love my wife and really nothing about our day would really change."
Kantforall
"I’ve been reading these comments and wishing that everyone’s age was flared on their post because I sense that there are a lot of under-60-year-olds. I am older than my wife but she is starting menopause and I can see the writing on the wall. Not super thrilled but I love her completely and understand. The real intimacy is in how we still (and will always) want to sleep touching each other and waking up next to each other."
caffeinated-hijinx
Kiss Me
"I honestly considered this before. I absolutely adored this guy. It was like a child relationship; we'd kiss and cuddle and hold hands and things, but he wouldn't have sex with me, nor would he commit properly. Any time we came close to sex, he'd go soft or back off."
"I couldn't understand it, wondered if I could keep doing that. My sex drive was wild. Why kiss and the rest but not sex?"
"Then one day he told me he was in love with me and asked me out properly. I said yes there and then, had a wonderful day with him, but when I went home, I was left questioning if I could possibly live without sex. I decided that yeah, I loved him but it would be tough."
"We had sex the next day. So yes, I think I probably could."
Adventurous_Train_48
Touchy/affectionate...
"It's very important. I'm a very affectionate and physical person and touch/caresses and anything physical is one of my love languages. I couldn't function with someone who is the opposite of me or who's uncomfortable with how I am. I already was in a relationship with someone who wasn't that touchy/affectionate and it created frustration for both of us."
Borboleta77
Don't Look at Me
"I am in a sexless relationship. He has erectile dysfunction and I really don't like sex in general. I'm really uncomfortable naked or even vulnerable. I'm shy around him despite the relationship being 10 years nearly, I'm even shy around my family and friends. Everything about sex makes me feel so embarrassed, and I feel nothing but negative feelings when I used to be sexually active. Not through choice of partner, I just hate that sort of attention."
NucularOrchid
Definitive!
"10/10. Sexual incompatibility is a deal breaker!"
oeeiae
Sex is important but not everything.
Until it is everything if it becomes an issue.
Good luck couples. Open and honest communication is key.
An important contributor to our overall health and happiness is the quality of our friendships.
We may not have a lot of friends, but the more important factor is the depth of those relationships.
But we've all had one of those friends who turned out not to be a very good friend at all.
Redditor Both-Support-7110 asked:
"When did you realize your 'friends' were just a**holes?"
Putting Them Down
"After I realized that other people don't s**t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."
- fobopi9445
"I luckily made a couple of friends that would just be supportive about stuff. So I slowly started talking to them more than my older friends as I saw the disparity between their responses."
"One side purely would be purely judgmental and try and bring me down, and the other would just be excited for me or be there to listen or whatever. Who wants to talk to the former when you have the latter?"
- Universeintheflesh
Using Them as a Convenience
"They only bothered with me when it suited them. I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."
- fobopi9445
Trying to Keep Them Small
"When they were nice at first but then cut me out of conversations, telling me not to 'butt in.' A friend doesn't dictate when you're allowed to speak."
- leatherwolf89
"Total a**hole move to have conversations in front of you only to tell you it doesn’t concern you and mean it. . . Like making plans and giving details about how someone like you could be included but specifically telling you not to invite yourself; making plans in front of someone and not inviting them is awful."
- dearlysacredherosoul
Using Them as Entertainment
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions (telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc), and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly. One night, I was crying on the phone because I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bulls**t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day, they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call because I didn't get it and I was so upset. I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."
- vixayib976
Using Them to Feel Superior
"I didn't have many friends in grade school, but the times the kids actually gave me the time of day, it was to make me 'it' when we'd play tag. That's what I was there for. To continuously be 'it' so they could run away and feel superior. Because they knew I would agree to it no matter what."
- lunayoshi
Having Questionable Morals
"I had a friend that was a very promiscuous girl, I had no issue with that, until I found out she was using me and my innocent personality then, to distract her mom and make her think she was like me."
"Then she used my house as a literal hotel once, with my family here and everything... I knew that was it."
- luffve
Making Fun of Them
"When I made new friends and realized that it's not normal for friends to constantly beat on me and make fun of me."
- vatonef494
Prioritizing Money Over Them
"When they stopped being my friends after I went through a rough financial patch."
- fobopi9445
Becoming Flaky
"I had a group that I was in from 2019-2021. They became a**holes over time, and it took me longer to see that. It was when I failed my psych 101 class (I'm not the best with online classes and tried the best I could) and when they heard about that, they laughed to my face, called me stupid and a failure."
"Early 2022, I met up with them again thinking it would just be a 'listen to this concert for someone we all know and go on our ways' thing."
"My one closer friend offered to drive me and I accepted, and then afterward she joined the group, made eye contact after the concert was done and said, 'bye,' and left with them to the doors. They doubled back and said, 'You can come with us to another town to a friend's place or I can get my mom to drive you home.'"
"I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed that I just went with them to the other town. I called my brother to come to pick me up after an hour, and when he was on his way out, everyone else left. Haven't been into contact with them again after that."
- shortedgyasain
Disappearing When It Counts
"They pretty much abandoned me in a time of pretty intense need. It solidified my decision to leave the area and go do something worthwhile."
- verisimilitu
No Reciprocation Allowed
"When he does s**t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, but then I do the same back, and he gets offended."
- vatonef494
Excluding Them From Plans
"I've got two examples here. One from childhood and one from adulthood. Pick your favorite."
"Childhood: Kid I knew when I was 8 or so. We used to hang out a lot of the time and often played together, doing the usual kid stuff. Then one day, he has to move away because of a change in his parent's financial situation and I was pretty bummed out about it."
"On the last day we were supposed to see each other, he hung out with someone else instead and when tried to join them, he physically shoved me away and told me I wasn't welcome. That one stung."
"Adulthood: When they keep telling me about plans they made and things they did together or wanted to do together, but never bother to invite or include me in any of it. There's one of them I get along with and he'll invite me to things as long as it's just with him, but when he's with the group, he excludes me."
"I remember one example in particular where they were discussing a new site to do some photography and they fell short a man. One of them looks at me like I'm the spare tire in his car and goes: 'I guess you can come with us this one time.', to which another replies: 'Nah, he doesn't want to go. He doesn't like photography.'"
"I told him I was perfectly capable of answering for myself and didn't need him to act as my answering machine, but it lost a lot of impact because he was right. I don't like photography and didn't want to go. I just didn't like being talked about that way."
"Good luck making that clear to them, though. All they heard was: 'If he was right anyway, then why are you b*tching about it?'"
"I no longer hang out with them. I eventually got sick of being treated like the spare guy they can use in case none of the 'main crew' was attending, so I dropped them."
- Kuliari
Terrible Priorities
"In 2006, my then-best friend wanted to go to a big German metal festival. I did not want to go because my Dad had end-stage cancer."
"Dad died on August 8th, a couple of days after my friend returned from the festival. I called him because I needed someone to talk to."
"He very bluntly stated that he had no interest in my Dad's passing but wanted to tell me how great the festival was."
"You can't imagine how disappointed I was. For years, I'd been there for him whenever he got dumped, and the one time I needed a friend, he wasn't there for me. I told him to shut my door from the outside and lose my number."
- fobopi9445
Undesirable Behaviors
"I was 15, we were hanging out in the alleyway behind my friend’s house as we did almost every day after school."
"One girl was there from the year above us and they started prank calling the child protective services emergency line, pretending to be a child in distress, and they all laughed."
"After a few rounds of this, I felt queasy and left. Never hung out with them again. I still feel bad for not saying something or putting a stop to it, but the girl was older and 'cool.'"
- Brasscogs
Taking Advantage of Them
"I've been posting on him recently, he was my former neighbor and friend. We didn't immediately hit it off but after a while, we became good friends."
"I tried helping him out (he's an unemployed single dad of two special needs kids). He eventually saw my kindness as something to take advantage of, so late last fall, he either broke into my house (or enabled someone else to do it for him) and stole money from me."
"When I confronted him about this, he physically attacked me."
"I can't say it doesn't hurt."
- llcucf80
Friendships are incredibly important, but we're unfortunately not meant to be friends with everyone. Some people simply do not turn out to be the friends we thought they were.
We may know that this happens, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
No one wants to be alone.
But that doesn't mean we should settle when it comes to choosing a romantic partner.
When people rush into things without letting love flourish, it could lead to problems down the line that can inevitably lead to difficult breakups.
Those who've learned this the hard way shared their experiences with love when Redditorlastknownstar asked:
"What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?"
Communication is key.
Discussing Life Issues
"Not discussing big life issues: your preference for having kids, parenting styles, deep religious beliefs, career aspirations, significant traumas…anything that may affect how you make decisions together later on."
– AwkwardFortuneCookie
Outdated Notions
"My parents were like this. Dad grew up in a standard midcentury 'men run the house, women stay in the kitchen' family, but Mom came from a long line of domineering southern matriarchs who had their husbands whipped. Dad was naturally a good cook and Mom hated cooking, but once they got married, Dad insisted she make all the food because that's what wives are supposed to do. No warning, total 180 on their relationship up to that point."
"He's learned his lesson and now happily cooks for my stepmom, but man... That's not something you can just spring on your new spouse overnight!"
– shebbsquids
What About Kids
"Having kids is a really big question that absolutely needs to be communicated. I've also heard that it's a topic that would make the man a big red flag if asked early into the 'relationship' as in first date and/or texts are off limits."
"Wouldnt it be a lot nicer to 'speed date' these big topics early on?"
– Leaping_Turtle
These Redditors realized ignorance of financial responsibility in a relationship came at a cost.
Finances
"Finance is the number 1 leading cause of divorce."
"Edit: this popped up in my YouTube recommendation (Is your relationship struggling because of finance? - Dave Ramsey https://youtu.be/XuU7oabGqjk). Google is not monitoring us or anything"
– strangemanornot
Spending Habits
"This is such a big issue in relationships. Knowing each other's spending habits is equally important. My ex would be extremely judgmental when it came to my 'fun money', but when he bought a new TV or a new gaming console, he was not to be questioned on it."
– RewardNo3000
You can't change people.
Fixing Their Flaws
"Thinking, 'I know this person has flaws, but when we're married I can help fix them.'"
– DoctorExtra9060
"Ok marriage isn’t working but if we have kids things will change because it will bring us closer."
– Mrepman81
Parasitic Love
"I personally had this issue dating someone who was as sweet as could be, but not the brightest bulb in the socket, and they relied on me for knowledge on everything from health to history to housework. All perfectly googleable or troubleshootable questions, but always defaulted to giving up and asking mommy the girlfriend for help. Admittedly it was kind of an ego boost to have someone always telling me how smart I was and deferring to my judgement on everything, but that's not what a healthy romantic relationship should be like."
"I thought I could nudge them gently into being slightly more self sufficient, but it only got worse as they grew accustomed to relying on me for every little thing. And of course the flip side was I felt like I could never rely on them when I needed help... I knew I was SOL if I couldn't do everything myself, because I was dragging around a parasite instead of a partner."
"Next time I want to spend years working on a fixer-upper, I'm just going to buy a crumbling Victorian house. It'll cause me less stress in the long run."
– shebbsquids
Taking An Emotional Toll
"I was in a similar boat with an ex, wasn't so much her fault as she had a learning disability and epilepsy."
"Every other weekend we also looked after her kids from past relationships, one of which had autism, and due to my ex's condition she wasn't allowed to be on her own with the kids meaning I had to be there as the capable, responsible adult."
"We were together for just shy of 4 years."
"After she broke things off it took a good few months for me to get used to the fact that I could actually let my guard down, switch my brain off and relax. Without needing to constantly worry that someone would need my help or that I needed to ensure her safety."
"She didn't quite realise the toll it was having on me or the amount of responsibility was on my shoulders. She would constantly suggest things like holidays abroad with just us two and the kids, and all I could think was that it would be far from a relaxing holiday for me as I'd have her and two kids to look after and be responsible for the entire time."
– ShadowSurgeGaming
Managing expectations is key.
Never Settle
"Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they're actually compatible with."
"I feel a lot of people have a picture in their head of who they think they'll end up with and chase that ideal, instead of acknowledging their own personality and aiming for someone compatible with that. Easier said than done, but yeah."
– Viminia7 ·
Importance Of Value
"I talk with my partner about this all the time. We think its important to have shared values not shared interests."
"Yes it’s important to share things you both like to do, but just because your partner likes One Punch Man, like you do, doesn’t mean they are on the same page as you with resolving conflicts."
– scsm
Elvis Presley reminded us that only fools rush in, despite his intense romantic feelings towards his object of affection.
But the wise men he was referring to were on to something.
It's best to ease into things and let love grow, and not force relationships without really getting to know the person with whom you plan to devote yourself to.
If it's meant to be, it'll be worth taking things slow by getting to know a prospective significant other's dreams, what makes them, and their values to see if there is enough chemistry to develop meaningful relationships.
Among the many reasons people watch, and rewatch, sitcoms is to imagine your life was more like the one you were watching.
Being able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village on a line cook's salary, somehow always having the comfortable sofa available at your favorite coffee shop whenever you pop in, or having your best friends always available at your beck and call whenever you need them.
For the romantics, however, it's wishing you could have a romance like you've seen on television.
True not all sitcom romances are exactly the sort that makes you go all aflutter (Were Ross and Rachel actually on a break? And don't even get me started about Ted and Robin.)
Other sitcom couples are so captivating, though, that we would have given anything to be at their wedding... or at the very least go to their home for dinner every Friday.
And this includes plutonic couples, as there is nothing more heartwarming than a lasting friendship.
"What is the best couple in sitcom history?"
Creating An Even More Welcoming Community
"Troy and Abed. A couple of friends."- aghzombies
"They did grace the cover of Best Friends Weekly."- DwightsEgo
Sorry Amy...
"Peralta and Doug Judy."- DavosLostFingers
"Reunited and it feels so good 🎶."- Ghostenx
"PSYCH"!... No, Seriously...
"Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster."- dazedcap
"'I'm Black, he's Tan'."- CrueGuyRob
"Snap, Snap."
"The correct answer is Gomez and Morticia Addams."- Reddit
"They loved each other dearly. "
"They were completely enamored with each other, spent time with their kids, their family."
"Accepted everyone as they were."
"It wasn't til I was an adult That I realized married couples weren't meant to hate each other."
"My mother had many partners in my childhood, she's toxic and things were always chaotic."
"And watching 90s sitcoms, I thought married people were meant to hate each other, and I always wondered what the point was."- MissMurder8666
Overshadowed By Their Middle Child...
"Hal and Lois."- MrRocketman999
"As a husband, I don't think I can live up to Hal."
"He sort of sets a really high standard lol."
"He loves her like they are still in the honeymoon phase."
"So infatuated with her lol."- treathugger
A Better Couple? Many Would Say, "Knope"...
"Ben and Leslie."
"I' love you and I like you.'"
"Simple line, yet so powerful."- Radkeyoo
"Gruesome", But Adorable
"Frank and Charlie from Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
"The gruesome twosome."- Herr_Poopypants
The Parents Everyone Wished Were Theirs...
"Bob and Linda from 'Bobs burgers'."- shashybaws
"All of the Belchers have such great relationships with each other. "
"They're wholly accepting and supportive (even if they disagree)."
"They really love each other, and it shows."- SummerOfMayhem
UK Version Only, Of Course...
"Moss and Roy (The IT Crowd)."- pentapotamia
"'I'm your wife, Roy!'"- Summerof5ft6andahalf
"'If anything, I’m the husband!'"- pentapotamia
Afterlife Be Damned... Or not, Actually...
"Eleanor and Chidi from 'The Good Place.'"
"How can you beat two deeply flawed people who together make each other better over and over again?"- hotbimess
Ruining All Food For Viewers, One Food Group At A Time...
"The only correct answer is - Scully and Hitchcock."- Prestigious-Net-2236
"Back off! It's our microwave! Ours! GRRRRRRR!"- Lvcivs2311
Nostalgic And Wonderful
"Kitty and Red from That 70s/90s Show."- saginator5000
"I like how Red on the surface seems like a mean parent who doesn’t let his kids have fun."
"But he’s watching out for his kids."
"And he’s a good man."
"He has a hard and stressful time supporting his family and he is grumpy sometimes but he would do anything for his family and he really loves them."
"What he does for Hyde is amazing."
"He just doesn’t put up with BS."- themanfromvulcan
It Seems Everyone Is Better With Turk At Their Side
"Turk and Carla."
"Or Turk and JD. (Scrubs)."- JCBAwesomist
"Turk and JD all the way."- nunyabidnez76
Can't We Get Back What We Once Had?...
"Homer and Marge had a lot of beautiful moments back in the older seasons."
"Sadly, seasonal rot has ruined a lot of that."
"I miss a lot of how the characters used to be."
"Like, Homer was an oaf and a brute, but he loved his family immensely and deeply and would (and DID) do any and everything for them."
"He'd catch details like in that episode about the streetcar play that you wouldn't think he would."
"He gave up beer for a month for Marge and we got to see that, for him, it wasn't just a minor thing."
'Lisa might have been intelligent but she not only had ample 'dumb/shallow' moments, she also was very close to Bart and, likewise, Bart was close to her."
"He might struggle in school but he also showed he wasn't dumb either."- Snowtwo
Be they married in the first episode or on and off again for an insufferable amount of time (looking at you, Jeanine and Gregory in Abbott Elementry!), sitcom couples give us people to root for and fill our own hearts with hope.
So much so that we don't mind following the arc of their love stories over and over again.
And yes, the episode where David meets Patrick's parents remains a tearjerker, no matter how many times you watch it.