Life moves fast and chaos comes flying at us at warp speed. So it's a minor miracle when we look back at our life and see all of the craziness we've avoided. Like being struck by lightning. It happens more often than you'd think. So avoiding a strike here and there is a major feat.
Disasters and basic run of the mill stresses run amok, so be grateful when you can stand and say... "Never have I ever."
Who can relate?
Redditor u/poopcornkernelswanted to hear about people's strokes of general luck in life, by asking:
What have you managed to avoid your whole life?
I've never been to a Vanilla Ice concert. That's harder to avoid than you'd think, when all of your friends were obsessed fans. I'm a child of the 90's. It's a miracle I could pull that off, trust me.
Cuffs Away
Episode 1 Police GIF by BBCGiphy"Being arrested."
"One of my favorite stories in recent years was that 99 year old lady who asked to be arrested as part of her bucket list."
When you gotta go...
"Pooping outside. Not much of an accomplishment but during my employment for the US forest service I came upon the realization that I've never pooped in the woods and I'd like to keep that streak going."
"As a lifelong IBS sufferer I can say if you haven't pooped while looking out over majestic scenery you are missing out. Also having a group of people waiting for you to finish is very embarrassing."
PAIN!
"Kidney stones. I had problems getting on the right medication. Found one 5 years where the biggest side effect is kidney stones. Thank the lord it hasn't happened... yet."
- cboy6_9
"It is freaking HORRIBLE. Not to scare you, but I was in pain for about 3 months. It was insane. It's literally the most painful thing that's happened to me. I even had a mother of 2 with cancer say "I don't envy you, they're so painful it's horrible" which made me feel even worse."
"Apparently there's a high chance that once you have one another will come along fairly quickly due to... y'know... they're still being plaque in there and man, I am NOT looking forward to that. The moment I feel it I'm running to the doc and begging them for one of those fancy sound wave pulveriser things.
Health
"Cancer."
"Quite a few of my professors (biotech degree) worked in cancer research. They've all said that basically if you live a long enough, healthy enough life, cancer will get you in the end. The only way you don't get cancer is if something else gets you first. They also all agreed the only two things you should really, really concern yourself about in regards to avoiding cancer are - don't smoke/chew/use tobacco and don't tan."
"Everything else is negligible, so don't sweat all those sensational news stories about studies that say hot beverages cause throat cancer or using dryer sheets causes cancer. As one of them liked to say, "Life causes cancer."
"Edit: Of course, this is not to say that if you are healthy and avoid those two things, you will NOT get cancer, just that those are the two things that almost definitely WILL get you cancer. As well all know, sometimes cancer gets you anyway."
The Verdict
Sue Me Jury Duty GIF by Sabrina CarpenterGiphy"Jury duty."
"Aaaaand... just pop back in and let us know when your summons shows up. It should be within about a week."
I'm grateful to be able to say "Never have I ever" on a few of the big ones here, thus far. Fingers crossed that trend continues. I can attest, pooping al fresco isn't that traumatizing.
Cat Meow GIF by Cats MovieCoin Counting
"Wealth."
"Funny enough i was thinking the other direction: Debt. I've managed to avoid all long term debt up to this point. Dumpster diving to closed equity investments."
"It did mean there were times when we literally sold everything we owned and lived in our car... Starting out your life with debt is a handicap, and despite the struggles not having our future mortgaged has made it possible for us to survive."
- Oriumpor
Stung
"Getting stung by a bee or wasp."
"I was walking with a friend in high school down this wooded hill full of brush and debris. At one point, my friend (about 10' in front of me) turns around and goes "Whoa!" He doesn't say anything else, I follow suit, turn around, and there's a huge nest of Yellowjackets. Well, they didn't mind my friend, but he apparently put them on guard because me stepping over them enraged them."
"I ended up sprinting down this wooded hill, lucky my foot didn't catch on a branch or something. I ended up getting stung 9x I believe it was; Three times on my back, one on each ear (so much heat radiates from an ear sting), two on one arm, one on the other, and one on my legs. I couldn't sleep well for a few days, everything hurt."
- Gashnor
No Joke
"Addiction and pregnancy so far."
"You're lucky, for many people and myself including, it only takes a week to become physically addicted to opioids. A week on kratom and I'd get withdrawals even. It's so messed up. Opioid withdrawal is by far the worst out of anything. I can kick alcohol and power through the withdrawal a dozen times now, but not once have I been able to withstand any opioid withdrawal."
- user deleted
Love
Happy Four Weddings GIF by TLCGiphy"Divorce."
"Never been in a relationship so I'm steps ahead (or behind) haha."
I'd rather eat bees than watch "CATS." That movie nearly ruined movies. Talk about being traumatized.
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You've undoubtedly come across phrases like, "Kill two birds with one stone" or "it's raining cats and dogs."
While those are used to describe actions, like the state of the weather, there are other phrases that are dispensed as words of wisdom to help individuals through a challenging situation.
But the endeavor to console someone by using this tactic is not always effective.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Braca5 asked:
"What popular sayings are bullsh*t?"
These sound familiar?
The Survivor Mentality
"whatever doesn't kill you just makes you stronger."
– WhenTardigradesFly
Vanity
"Looks aren't important."
"It's true. They don't always or entirely matter, but they do. That's kind of how superficial humans are."
– Ok_Chain821
Not Every Pain Heals
"Time heals all wounds."
– sweetechoes2008
"There's another one that goes like this 'time heals nothing, it just replaces memories.'"
– Fulcinnamonroll
The stigma around this is so foul, the guilty will lie about their offensive crime.
The Gas-Leaker
"He who smelt it dealt it"
– MrGeekman
"Whoever said the rhyme did the crime."
– Neoptolemus85
Psychology Around The Guilt
"The irony is it's almost always the opposite that's true. Most people would rather just be quiet about a fart than try to put it on somebody else and as it is you usually become pretty accustomed to your own and probably don't even smell half of the ones that slip out so likely the person who dealt it is going to be one of the last to actually consciously smell it."
– Vanilla_Neko
Playing by the rules doesn't always get you places.
Playing Dirty
"Cheaters never win."
– MadAsH3ll
"A better saying:"
'Treason doth never prosper, what's the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.' John Harington (1561 - 1612)
– Suibian_ni
Comeuppance Never Comes
"What goes around, comes around."
"Bullsh*t. I've seen people be jerks my entire life (I'm 57 y/o) and they never got what should have come around to them."
– Feels2old
Thing About Karma
"Worse, it's an excuse to not take responsibility. A few years back, I had discovered a nasty person who was fooling the public by buying dogs from Amish auctions of out of state, bringing them, unvaccinated, across state lines, and pawning them off on the public as 'rescues' but also taking loads of donations when she was not registered as a charity. She was not using the funds for medical care. The gal was a flashy blonde in designer clothes and knew how to fool people."
"The county authorities were investigating and needed more evidence. I approached the owner of a local pet supply store where she operated her scam and asked him to cooperate. He banned her from the store but completely refused to cooperate with the investigation. Excuse, 'Karma will get her.'"
"B*tch got off with just a fine when she would have faced animal cruelty charges."
"Karma? No, it's not a thing."
– ShowMeTheTrees
Those who adopt a passive way of thinking end up making up for lost time.
Turning A Blind Eye
"Out of sight, out of mind."
"Ever lost track of a spider?"
– Samuelabra
How Much Time Do You Have?
"Good things come to those who wait."
– P13r15
Lond Distance Relationships Aren't For Everyone
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”
– Quirky_Mongoose_401
I think those who say "if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life," is debatable.
Depending on the situation, being forced to do something you once loved so you could earn a living can potentially breed resentment.
I'm a former dancer who absolutely lived off the adrenaline of performing on a stage. But when the cast I was performing with at a theme park was forced to do the same rigorous show five times a day–sometimes in intense heat–I was miserable.
Once, I severely twisted my ankle mid-performance simply because I was physically exhausted but continued giving it my 100% when my body was ready to give out. That's when most performance-based injuries occur.
That phrase certainly got a second hard look from me back then.
You've got me all tied up in knots!
"I love untangling things."
"Your Christmas lights end up in a ball and there’s no telling where it starts or ends?"
"Give."
"Got a necklace that got rolled up into a total mess?"
"I’m your de-tangler."
"Headphones come out of your pocket looking like a Tangela? "
"No problem!"
"Total zen for me."
"Wish I could make a few bucks with it tho."- Not_Jo_Mama
I'm all ears!
"People that talk a lot so I don’t need to."
"I like listening to them & I find their energy refreshing."- krasavetsa
Jet setter!
"Everything about the airport."
"Idk why but it’s so fascinating."
"Honestly I like it more than the trip sometimes lol."- abigailgwhitney
airport GIFGiphy"The cold never bothered me anyway"
"A Winnipeg winter day where there's not a cloud in the sky or a breath of wind, but it's so f*cking cold out your nose hairs freeze together every time you breathe."- FakeLordFarquaad
When life gives you lemons...
"Apparently a lot of people don't like the lemon/yellow starburst candy, and that's the one I prefer."- mermaid_with_pants
Sudsy, soapy dreams...
"Doing the dishes."
"I find it so calming."- shakensunshine
Season 5 Episode 10 GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphyThe gift that keeps on giving.
"Wrapping presents!"
"It's super therapeutic and relaxing to me."
"I'll wrap everyone's presents in the house, even the ones they have to give to other people!"- happygoose2022
Sweeet and sparkly!
"Fruit flavored sparkling water."- suitcaseinherhand
rainy day GIFCan't dive too deep!
"Writing essays."
"I got addicted to research when I was in college and something about putting everything together to present a coherent argument is just exciting for me."- ILoveFoodALotMore
It's always interesting to hear the thing which would make some people groan with misery that would make others cheer with glee.
Nor should always look down on someone for loving something you absolutely hate, as they could help you wrap those presents you've been putting off because you hate it so much.
And who knows, maybe Cats wasn't as bad as you remembered...
A mighty heart indeed
"Scars on my heart."
"I have about 30, I think."
"On my 4th heart procedure, I had 24 cardiac ablations."
"They use radio waves to kill tissue to create scarring so that effectively signals can't travel through that way."
"During one procedure, epicardial, meaning both inside and outside the heart. by the top electrophysiologist on the east coast."
"He said only one other patient of his had more done in one procedure."
"Took 10 hours."
"I could hear the nurses gossiping about me in the hallway."
"This was 7 years ago, and now my heart is working great!"- pearlie_girl·
Extremely comfortable in my skin
"Half of my body is a birthmark of tan skin, and the other half is pale white."
"It's right down the middle of my stomach and same with my back."
"I've only ever seen 1 person online with it saying 'chimerism' but idk if that's same with me."
"Idk but it's uncommon." - User Deleted
Still standing!
"Still living with stage IV lung cancer for 13 yrs."- Flashy-Cattle-8086
Big shoes to fill indeed...
"Shoe size."
"I wear a size 18."- wearegoodthings
Love your job!
"Don't know if it's less cool because I do it for work, but I 'photograph' atoms and crystalline atomic structures most days."
"I get to see the world in a way few ever do which is kinda neat."- RayseBraize
Animation Loop GIF by xponentialdesignGiphyAn exclusive club no one wants to be part of...
"I have this condition called Miyoshi Myopathy, which, thankfully, affects only my calves and hence my walking capabilities."
"My doctor told me it is rare, but tbh statistically rare does not really mean anything, everyone might have it but they either did not get out of their way to test it, via taking blood and had it examined in a lab, or they just never realized there was something wrong at all."
"If you are wondering why I said 'Thankfully it only affected the legs', it is because it is a muscle disorder, and some disorders affect Cardiac, heart, and Pulmonary, lungs, muscles that will obviously not be pretty."
"I have to get tested every year to make sure all my vital functions are normal and as of now nothing significant is noted and I should be living a long and healthy life."- 1123Icantthinkofname
Just one?
"Apparently only 0.1% of people become mechanical engineers in the US and an even smaller percentage are women, so maybe that?"
"I was also less than 2 lbs when I was born, and I think the percentage is probably similar."
"I somehow have no lasting physical issues from that, though my sister has cerebral palsy."- s_p_o_c_k
Plenty to go around!
"I have 3 functional kidneys."
"No it doesn't mean I pee more."
"No it doesn't mean I can drink more alcohol, thats the liver."
"No I won't sell it for under $71,241." - User Deleted
While some wouldn't necessarily consider some of these things an accomplishment, all of them certainly make for fascinating conversation starters.
Seriously, where would the third kidney even go...?