Can I Get a Witness?

"Last year, I had a 7th grader who went to the bathroom every day for about 10-15 minutes. I talked to her other teachers, she also went for 10 minutes in their classes every day. She was also late every day. Often by 10-15 min. She always claimed she had IBS/Chrons."

"It came to a head when one day she claimed 'my stomach hurts and I'm about to crap myself. I just have to take a poop.' In front of the whole class. So I called her parents, the school nurse, and the school psych for a meeting. The girl had no medical issues. She just liked to cut class and get attention."

"Near the end of the year, that same 12 year old girl asked me, 'Mr. IAmTheDamnDoctor, are you single? because my sister be tryin' to talk to that right now.'" I had to call another conference and basically ban her and all her friends from ever being in my room without at least a dozen other students/adults as witnesses. That was not a fun class."

IAmTheDamnDoctor

Got Receipts?

"One of the first graders was so constipated he was screaming and crying uncontrollably, pacing with his pants around his ankles in the bathroom. It started almost immediately after drop off, so we called the mother maybe 15 minutes after she left. She did not pick up or return any calls until 5 hours later, because she was 'lol, shopping.'"

generichumancontent

Hands Off....

"Maybe more shocking than embarrassing. Parents of a third grader had to be called, because their son tried to strangle another kid on the schoolyard in the break after a fight."

JohannaArtzJohannaArtz

"My dad used to get bullied a lot as a kid and he always told me that if i get bullied i have to fight back hard cause that isn't gonna stop any other way. Luckily i live in a country where fighting back is actually an option and you wont get punished or expelled for it like in the US."

Reddit

Crap! 

"My very first year, of course... and they called ME. I had a sophomore who was basically trouble from the start. In my class he was making a presentation, and he decided to say 'crap' several times (not after making mistakes--it was intentional). So, I docked him for the word usage, and he blew up--I told him it was the same as if he'd used it in a written essay. So....."

"The next day, I get a phone call from his mother--and I knew something was wrong, because everyone in the office was looking at me, and grinning. I introduced myself, and she asked why her son's grade had been docked. After I explained why, she responded, in a pleasant, 'concerned mom' voice: 'Well, I don't think 'crap' is that bad a word... it wasn't like he said 'the F words' or...' and she went on and on offering choice examples and combinations, as the blood drained from my face."

"When the phone call was over, EVERYONE in the office started laughing--seems she was the local 'insane mom.' and these phone calls were common with her."

gremashlo

LOLOLOL....

"Not a teacher but someone was caught watching pornography on his school computer and his parents had to come pick him up. After he came back he told us what happened and what his parents did as a punishment and he told us that they just laughed at him because nothing is more embarrassing than that."

Boi420-69x

SPLOOSH!

"My teacher had to call and apologize to my mom after she told me she wouldn't let me go to the nurse because I was always asking. So I threw up on her desk in front of the whole class."

melli72

"power move..."

Reddit

The 3rd....

"My parents were called when I was in 8th grade because I would only talk in 3rd person. It went on for like, 5 weeks."

AntarcticanJam

"Terry loves talking about terry in the third person!"

flamaniax

The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Use Words Carefully. 

"My wife was about 30 seconds away from calling not just the kids parents, but also child welfare because she thought a kid wanted to be the 'park w***e' when they grew up. Turns out they wanted to do Parkour."

billbapapa

"Reminds me of when I was a kid. Someone called someone a "lady of the night" in class and I thought that sounded SO cool- like an assassin or a spy or a superhero!! So I very excitedly said I wanted to be a lady of the night!! Could nooot understand why all the other kids were laughing at me."

warpstrikes

Oh Stewie...

"I had to explain to a parent that although family guy is a cartoon, it was not appropriate for an 11 year old. He was quoting the pervy old character to other kids in his art lesson and creeping them out."

lalatconpenny

"I had to tell my mom that family guy is not appropriate for my then 9 and 11 year old daughters to watch when they're at her house. She didn't realize what it was and assumed it was fine because it's a cartoon. I only found out about it because my 9 year old quoted something from it one day. They'd been watching it for months at that point. 🤦♀️"

Talyra_SC

A puddle....

"A kid, 5th grader, peed himself in class and left a puddle under his chair. he was was to into the movie we were watching and he didn't want to ask to use the restroom."

rohttn13

"Went to elementary school with a kid who peed under his desk at least once a year. He also would stuff all his snotty/bloody tissues into his desk and refuse to take them out. When the teachers would eventually put on gloves and do it for him he had to be restrained, and would scream and cry for the rest of the day."

JudgeGusBus

No Change. 

"Obligatory not a teacher, but I once had my preschool or kindergarten (all I know is I was young) call my parents because I got my head stuck in a hole while playing on the playground structures. I don't recall how they got me out, but I do know that I haven't changed. Not even a week ago, I got stuck on a kiddie ride in a mall and ended up with huge bruises on my legs. My impulses are still difficult to control."

angelofchaos9800

Testies....

"It wasn't embarrassing, it was funny, but in response to the question 'What comes in pairs?' Her son, with total sincerity and enthusiasm said, 'testicles!' I emailed to let them know he was a little upset that I didn't write down his suggestion on the board. His mom said she printed the email and planned to pull it out again on some thanksgiving to read aloud when he was a teenager."

AlvinTacoAlvinTaco

No Wang. 

"I had to call a single dad to inform him that his six-year-old son perfectly described an explicit porn scene to his friends. This was before internet porn so the kid must have found Daddy's special movies."

good_sandlapper

HE DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB.

"I had to explain to a 6 year old's parents that I wouldn't be wiping his butt for him. They seemed surprised that a 6 year old would have to wipe his own."

"Edit 1: Here's some more context: We had bathrooms attached to the classroom so you didn't have to go very far. When he did this the first time he calls out 'I'm ready!!!' I had an E.A who went and investigated, then came back and very sheepishly explained the situation."

"I told him through the door to just do the best job he could, and to wash his hands a lot. HE DID NOT DO A GOOD JOB. So i ran and found an administrator who took it from there. We had the meeting with his parents that afternoon. The family were recent immigrants from India so i wanted to be sensitive to cultural differences but so far every person from the sub continent gives me the same WTF?! response when i tell them this story."

OneHatOnly

 "HECK YEAH!"

"Hi is that Armin's mum? Great. Ummm... could you please teach him not to respond with 'HECK YEAH!' when I hand him a toy? Okay but... look... I didn't say it wasn't funny... I was teaching English at a Vietnamese kindergarten."

Miss_Cegenation

Youth wasted on the Young....

"This happened to a colleague when I worked in elementary school. A kindergartener had asked at the beginning of gym class to go to the bathroom. He intentionally didn't wipe himself. When he came back to the gym, he backed up so that his butt was right in line with another kid's face who was sitting crisscross applesauce on the floor, dropped his pants, and put his crappy butt on that poor kid's face."

"My colleague had to escort them both to the office and call in a district interpreter to call the unfortunate child's parents and tell them that their son might have hepatitis."

SailorVenus23

The kid was like 15.

"Actually had a parent call me and apologize. Threw a kid out of class for licking highlighters. Gave him a warning, took the highlighters away, somehow he got another one and did it again. Told him to go to detention. He protested, but eventually went. Got a call that night on my personal phone (I have no idea how mom got my number), the mom profusely apologizing and straight up admitting that her son was being an idiot."

"Then she put him on the phone and made him apologize too. It was really hard not to laugh, because you could tell this kid had been getting reamed out by his parents over the incident and was not interested in talking to me. The kid was like 15. Teaching was a fun time in my life. Not sure if I'll go back but it sure was an adventure."

Petrol_in_my_eyes

Feeling Bad. 

"High school Deaf SPED teacher here. My student had contracted a bad stomach virus in his freshman year. He started off the day perfectly fine, had no symptoms and it suddenly hits him. He suddenly asked if he could go to the bathroom and I could see on his face that something was wrong, so I let him go. He came back almost 30 minutes later in tears because he'd lost complete control of his bowels on the way to the bathroom... in front of an entire lunch crowd."

"Thankfully his dad was less than ten minutes away to help with a clean change of clothes, I happen to keep baby wipes in stock and gave him a full pack to clean himself in a teachers bathroom (where I brought him when he'd finally come back so he'd have privacy to clean himself with dad's help). It was awful and I felt so bad for him."

defguysezhuh

Toilet issues. 

"Just today I had to phone parents because their child refuses to use the toilet at school and TODAY, during recess, this kid pulled his snow pants down and proceeded to take the fattest poop on the snow covered playground. I'll never forget today."

Grizzmo1

"Ms. Megan, what the heck?"

"I'll never forget when my kids preschool teacher texted me to tell me that he had said a bad word in class. Thankfully, she was more entertained than mad. Apparently, she had put the children's lunchboxes in a different spot than usual. My then 3yo went to grab his lunchbox from his cubby and when it wasn't there he went to his teacher and said 'Ms. Megan, what the heck?'"

purpleghostdance

It's Weak

"To me it’s embarrassing because I hate my weaknesses. My mom had just packed up and left for the first time and this was second grade. I was emotional and had cried so my teacher had called my dad and put me in school therapy to help me with my emotions."

OstrichClown

With Cognac

"On the opposite end of that, my parents told me when I was in first grade, my teacher asked for examples of liquids. I raised my hand and answered with Cognac. Probably made my teacher a little curious as to what was going on at home."

samkte

7th Grade Girls

"I wasn’t a teacher, but I was the school nurse for one year. I once had to call a kid’s parents because she stabbed another girl in the hand with a pen. I also had to call the other girl’s parents. In both calls the parents were in disbelief of what happened and I had to reassure them that yes it did in fact happen. The girl who did the stabbing had even tried to suck on the other girl’s wound because she was afraid the girl would get sick as if it was snake venom or something."

"In the end the girl who did the stabbing did not face any consequences she did not even get suspended, everyone was willing to let bygones be bygones. Both girls were in 7th grade and they weren’t even fighting over anything, the one of the girls just decided to stab the other girl in the hand during art class for no reason."

bigcrybabyqqqq

Young girls...

"I had 2 4 year olds telling me they were going to kill me. The one said he would kick me really hard and the other said he will drive over me or cut my throat. I played it cool and told them that they may not say things like that, it's nasty and hurts my feelings. The parents were notified about their kids behavior. They brought me a letter, picture and chocolate each and both of them apologized. Im always happy if parents take these things seriously, not all do."

pashaah

'Corn Hub'

"Ok, I actually decided not to make the call, but I caught a kid on a parody site called 'Corn Hub.' Here's the thing, I teach 6th grade so either the kid knew it was a parody site of Porn Hub or the kid just thought a site devoted to corn was hilarious. If I called the parents, I would basically be saying I know what Porn Hub is (BTW, I had to explain it to my principal – that was embarrassing). So, all in all, I decided to basically let it go. There was no way to make that phone call and win."

estrogyn

Teaching is certainly never boring.