When are we ever going to learn? Don't keep naughty photos! Stop taking them! Or take them on a polaroid, polaroids are unhackable. We can't just leave these images on our devices (devices that are all connected by the way) all willy nilly.
And never mind the hacking, half the time we're our own worst enemies. We constantly end up flashing the wrong photos, videos, and images at the most inappropriate times. Besides being outrageously embarrassing, some of those wrong moments could be illegal.
Just when we think we're about to show the latest family Christmas photo at an innocent baby shower/BAM... a video from the one-nighter with your best friend's husband pops up. That's a Pandora's Box you can't close.
Redditor u/PeterChai wanted to hear about the most scandalous images and messages we've let slip on our devices, by asking:
What's the most NSFW thing you've accidentally shown someone while using your phone or computer?
I am obsessed with the security of my devices. I take my phone and sometimes my computer into the bathroom, just in case. And they are fingerprint protected. Mainly because you never know who could break in but also, I know I have content that is not for my mama to stumble across.
Damn Explorer
scared parents GIF
Giphy
"Doing a group project at university, in front of the whole group I went to open a file in Explorer and it opened straight to my porn folder. Which was set to thumbnail mode."
"the secret"
"I was showing a new hire at work how to log into the app we used to track attendance/schedules and after your login it showed you a QR code you could use to punch in. I then told him "the secret" which was to screenshot the QR code and that way you didn't have to log in every time to punch, just scan your QR code. I then opened my gallery and showed him... a lot more of me than anyone at work should see. Remember what apps you've left open!"
Sorry Rabbi...
"As a young 12yo boy I was practicing for my bar mitzfah with my rabbi. He took my phone to show me something related to Judaism, and low and behold he found the porn I accidentally left on my browser. The rest of that religious lesson was a lecture about how porn isn't real sex and I shouldn't get the wrong idea. Super embarrassing but at least he was cool about it and didn't tell my parents."
- veggainz
Meatus...
"I sent a Wikipedia link of a penis to my in-laws as a risqué joke but it backfired when the text link turned into a full color image of an actual person's penis and testicles with labels. It was far more explicit than intended but now I can say I sent a penis pic to my wife's parents and lived... And that's how I learned the word Meatus."
Is that me?
Cringe Look Away GIF by Night Drive
Giphy
"Well my mother accidentally showed me the home video of my own birth. It was on a VHS tape and it was of my parents wedding and boom half way through it just cuts to my mother spread eagle and me crowning. I've never been right since."
Oof, so much porn. Why do we save so much of it? It's free and always easy to access. I've had mine set off in my pocket, on my bluetooth. Imagine how that went?
Sorry Dad
Drew Barrymore Oops GIF by NETFLIX
Giphy
"Was showing my dad's friend pictures of me and my friends on my phone while he was visiting one day. Accidentally swiped onto a close up picture of my boobs that I had taken for my boyfriend a few days earlier. That was real awkward."
"nothing"
"One time I was watching an anime and this one scene had a guy in a small towel thrusting his hips and shouting "We're going to take the plunge deeper and deeper!" come on, just as my brother walked in. The fact that I jumped, immediately closed the browser and said "nothing" when he asked what I was watching did not help."
"DADADADAAD COME OVER HERE!!!"
"I went to boarding school in the earlyish 2000s, the go to prank was making someone's laptop background porn. One day I got a good grade and I wanted to show my dad. I got home, excited and told him "DADADADAAD COME OVER HERE", opened my laptop, and boom, a close up of two very fit bros mid coitus was set as my background. My father is a very stern, emotionally vacant stereotype of a midwestern father. He paused for a while. It felt like an hour but couldn't have been more than a few seconds. I was so panicked that I kinda locked up."
"He put his hand on my shoulder in an oddly tender way. "I love you no matter what, but you could've come out in a more subtle way probably." Explaining to him that it was in fact a prank and not me coming out was quite complicated. And that is how I accidentally showed my father gay porn."
Say Cheese!
"Cheese bikini… and I tried to play it off like it's explainable. Kid's mom at my nephews bday party, I was showing her cakes cause my mom makes cool cakes for the kids parties so was showing prior parties cakes. Whatsapp auto saves to roll, friend sent a picture of a plump woman, lovely lady no judgement, wearing Velveeta slices as a bikini… cheese bikini."
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Bad Stool
little girl good job GIF
Giphy
"I didn't know that pepto bismol turned your stools very dark. Thought I had cancer. Took a pic to show my doctor. Forgot that everything went straight to Amazon photos. The call from my wife was interesting."
- harag888
WICKEDWHIMS
"My WickedWhims Sims 4 mods…"
"Oh God. I can relate to this. I remember my friends crowded around my laptop to look at some specific file in my downloads folder (forgot which one) and of course the file right below it was some WickedWhims add-on with some title like "PENIS WICKEDWHIMS" or something. I was mortified. Thankfully my friends didn't say anything, so either they truly didn't notice or decided to spare me from the embarrassment."
dodged a bullet...
"Wasn't me but a co worker for some reason was trying to show this girl his search history and prove that he doesn't watch porn to her (he was trying to get in her pants) and me and my bud were there watching as he's showing this and all we saw on the history was "symptoms of chlamydia" and we proceeded to burst out laughing. Turns out he actually did have it. She dodged a bullet if she was ever gonna do anything with the guy."
Good enough...
"My mum, sister and I went to see the UK tour of Rock Of Ages and we met one of the actors and we had a selfie with him and he jokingly clicked on the photo to "check if it was good enough." And he swiped by accident on my sister's phone and we all saw her full naked body 🤦🏻."
Fail Search
Oh My Wow GIF by TV Land
Giphy
"My cousin wanted to search BJ's Wholesale Club but she just typed in BJs."
"Is that your wife?"
"I have an artful black and white nude picture I took of my wife as my home screen on my phone. It's one of those tasteful types with no "sensitive" parts showing but it's still clearly a nude. I had to replace the protective screen on my phone so I took it in to the AT&T store to get one and the lady behind the counter offers to change it for me."
"Without even thinking I thumb the button and throw my unlocked phone on the counter. She looks at the phone, then at my wedding ring, back at the phone, and says "Is that your wife?" I could barely mumble a yes as I realized what just happened and she was nice enough to say "She's very pretty and you two make a great couple."
"I don't think I said anything else except thank you and I am quite sure I turned about forty seven shades of red before I could scurry out of there. I went home and told my wife about it and she left a very sweet five star review for the lady."
(insert name here)
"I was scrolling through Twitter in my history class as I usually did when I had completed all of my schoolwork, but one of the tweets was the pornhub intro. I panicked and scrolled away as someone would do in that situation, and at first no one really responded so I began to think no one noticed."
"Then out of no where one of the girls in the back of my class said "Hey (insert name here) are you watching porn!?!" So obviously I went into full panic mode and tried my best to explain it was some meme on Twitter, but before I could finish my sentence the girl said "Hey don't worry about it. We all watch porn there's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"At this point the whole class including my teacher was just staring me down. I didn't know how to respond. I couldn't respond, so I just kinda put my head down and started "working on some home work" also known as me writing something down in my notebook."
Sorry Boss
"My wife sent random nudes while I was trying to show my female boss a picture of my kid that my wife had previously sent me. The message thread scrolled all the way down when the photo came through flashing her boobs to my boss."
- roll_hog
Say Cheese!
Mariah Carey Pictures GIF
Giphy
"My brother was looking through my camera to look at a car show I was at and I forgot I took a bunch of pictures of the girl I was dating. He just stopped was like "nice" it took me a minute to realize he got to the pictures of her."
Yay Vin!
"When I was a teacher, I usually had my computer screen displayed on the smartboard so I could reference online material. One lunch hour, a student who knew I was an action movie fan told me that there was a new XXX (Triple X, those Vin Diesel movies) coming out. I was excited, and without really thinking about it I typed in XXX into my search bar and hit 'enter'. I meant to type 'XXX trailer', but yeah. A giant list of porn websites showed up on the computer and the class started laughing."
Florida Trip
"A few years ago, I was showing a friend/co-worker some pictures I had shot while on vacation in Florida. I was just swiping through, telling him the story of the picture, where it was, etc... and then hit a picture of me and my (at the time) wife in the hotel."
"You couldn't see much of me, but, was an amazing view of my wife, fully naked, in cowgirl position, straddling me, and leaning back. I just said, "That's Sammie, obviously. We were at the hotel in bed in this shot...", He laughed, I laughed, and I never told my wife that one of my co-workers had seen her naked and with me."
Followers
"Back when I had Twitter I used to follow a few pornstars I'm a fan of, anyway in addition I followed a few political figure accounts as well. Anyway on day I had seen a tweet from a political commentator I thought my parents should see since they didn't have Twitter so I bring up my Twitter on their laptop and in a brief moment of realization it dawned on me there's a decent chance they may see something they're not at all expecting. Sure enough there's a pic of Jenaveve Jolie spread eagle. Horrified describes my reaction Best."
Be careful and precise with your phones. They have minds of their own sometimes. And keep your less... wholesome images, on a separate drive. Private love making and bowel movements should stay that way.
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Curious to hear about some of the more creepy indiscretions people get away with, Redditor Flytechofficial asked:
"What is perfectly legal, but creepy as hell?"
These things that happen in public restrooms can be considered criminal.
Respecting Splash Zones
"Using the urinal next to me when there were plenty of other choices."
Nightmare For The Pee-Shy
"hanging out in a public bathroom timing how long people pee."
Bad Timing
"I swear to God. I did a lot of work in hospitals for a while, big f'king hospitals with tons of bathrooms all over the place. For some God damned reason, regardless of what time or bathroom I selected to take a sh*t in not 30 seconds after I sat down a janitor would knock on the door to clean the bathroom. It's not as if it was one janitor, just some random janitor would inevitably need to clean whatever bathroom I was in as soon as I got comfy. It's like I was being stalked by the janitors."
"So now I'm trying to take a sh*t knowing full well there's somebody out there actively timing how long it takes."
Looky-Loo
"I was drunk in a casino and went to use the washroom. The floors in there were a polished marble or something. Sitting on the toilet, pants down, my stall neighbour made eye contact with me on the reflective floor tile."
The following examples involving minors have no legal repercussions.
Outside Watchers
"Technically, you can stand on the sidewalk and stare into someone's house through a window. It's not illegal as long as you stay off of their property, but it's really freaking creepy."
Keeping Tabs On Someone's Age
"A national newspaper having a countdown for when a child actress becomes 'legal' for sex."
"Answers to questions that will surely come. ....Yes. The Sun (UK). Emma Watson."
– pdirth
The Young Subjects
"When I was a child, we had a creepy horrible neighbor that would harass my family constantly. One of the things he did was stand at the corner of his yard and videotape me playing in a pool with my friends (we were around 8). My parents called the police but were told that it's legal if he's on his property."
These perfectly harmless examples can give you goosebumps.
Macabre
"Hanging your doll collection from the trees in your yard using string made from human hair."
People's Taste
"I believe the act of cannibalism itself is legal so long as you didn't murder anyone to do it. If your homie gives you his arm to gnaw on, it's fair game."
I recently treated myself by going to a movie theater after what seemed like a long hiatus for much of the year.
Streaming blockbuster movies from home, while convenient, has never made as much of an impact when compared to the moviegoing experience.
But after my recent trip to our local AMC, I'm beginning to think watching entertainment from the comfort of my quiet home is a much better option.
I forgot that a good majority of audience members are disrespectful and pretty much ignore all the rules—including no texting or talking during the movie.
The normal volume conversations and the number of lit screens from people's smartphone's in my peripheral vision throughout the movie were huge distractions.
Maybe as I'm getting older, my patience has worn thin, or I happened to have a particularly unpleasant experience. But seriously, how can anyone enjoy going to the movies when people are constantly updating their status inside a darkened auditorium?
It should illegal. Rant over.
I feel like if there is nothing after life, it just invalidates life. But maybe I'm just dramatic. I hope there is peace. Thoughts?
black and white two funerals GIFTogether...
"When we die, the whole world as seen by us, dies together with us."
"Yes it does. As does the entire universe. Only when we are alive can we experience the passage of time. The instant we die the entire universe will experience heat death and cease to be. It my take a million eons but since we can no longer experience time it will be relatively instantaneous."
- OkEbb749
Thanks Alan
"It's one of the great wonders of life: What will it be like to go to sleep and never wake up? And if you think long enough about that, something will happen to you. You will find out, among other things, that it will pose the next question to you: What was it like to wake up after never having gone to sleep? That was when you were born. You see, you can't have an experience of nothing. Nature abhors a vacuum. ~Alan Watts"
So Romantic...
"When I was much younger, I had a dream where I died. Not a typical dream, not a romanticized dream. It was a dream where I was an archer in a medieval battle. About 5 minutes into the battle, chaos was all around me, and I watched an opposing archer aim and loose an arrow straight into my left eye."
"I remember the sensation of impact, ringing in my ears, and falling to the ground. I remember the warmth of the blood on my face. The feeling of life leaving my body, and the sense of worry evaporating into warmth and peace as the world left behind me."
"I remember waking up shortly after thinking that the feeling and reality of that experience was so vivid and so detailed that it must have been an experience from a previous incarnation hundreds of years ago. From that moment on, I've never feared the actual process of death. I feel like I've experienced it many times before."
Erase
Computer Reaction GIFGiphy"I think one of your best friends delete's your browsing history."
"Take the hard drive out of my computer at home… Put it in the bath… And make sure it's completely wiped. -Tensai Slime"
If you love me... rule number one... HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! Let that be heard far and wide. And dreams, always so intertwined aren't they?
Before & After
Happy Baby GIFGiphy"Exactly the same as before you were born."
- whumoon
"I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. -Mark Twain"
Moving On...
"We clean the bed and assign it to another patient."
"The REAL reason why nurses are so dark. 90 year old man in hospice got hit by a car on his way to get fitted for his funeral tuxedo, and didn't have a DNR. Kept him alive for four hours, and now it's time to document everything that was done to save his life because there will inevitably be a lawsuit from a family member who has had four years to say goodbye but somehow didn't get to."
Again...
"Play again?
Yes
[No]
I don't know what they mean or how to utilize them. I'm a Buddhist (but a gamer first and foremost) so it's cool you guys made those connections This totally makes up for r/movies continuously banning me."
Oblivion...
"I've answered this one before but here it is again. Either two things happen after you die: you either go somewhere or it's oblivion. If it is oblivion, then we're just going back to the same place before we were born and there's nothing wrong with that. We were there for billions or trillions of years, possibly infinity."
"You lose that concept of time since your brain doesn't work anymore so you don't even know it's over. It's not nothing because nothing would be something and that means that you are aware, which you can not be if you're dead. If we do go somewhere, then that's something no one understands because no one has ever come back to tell us."
"Those stories of people coming back after they "died" and "saw stuff" weren't really dead. Their hearts stopped but their brains were still working. If the Universe continues to recycle itself infinitely, then there's a chance we will be reborn or continuously reborn but have no memory of our previous selves."
- jamoh20
On Holiday
"When I was a kid I drowned while on holiday with my family, a giant fat man jumped in the pool on top of me and no one noticed till I was on the bottom of the pool. I remember the feeling of my lungs being on fire, then shivering then as everything was going dark a strange sense of peace and I was ok with it, No panic or terror then it went black."
"I was resuscitated at the side of the pool a few minutes later. I remember nothing from the black to being "alive" again. I was around 7 when it happened and since then I've been strangely at peace with the fact that one day I will die and slip into the dark void of nothingness. Hope that helps."
Popcorn?
500 days of summer cinema GIFGiphy"You wake up in a chair in a cinema and learn that the other are past lives of you and you're about to watch your next life very soon on the big screen."
The truth is none of us know the truth. We live everyday with the afterlife being a gamble. And that seems like it's going to have to be enough.
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