When a marriage comes to an end, it is a devastating realization that the person with whom you've exchanged vows is not the same person anymore.
There are many unpredictable factors contributing to the demise of a marriage.
Maybe there were red flags that were ignored. Maybe there had been an ongoing affair. Or maybe a couple rushed to the altar—blinded by lust—and later realized they were not compatible.
Unfortunately, the opportunities to salvage a marriage on the rocks are usually undetectable until far too much emotional damage is done.
Curious to hear from those who've moved on from their marriages, Redditor ItzFruity asked:
"Divorced people of Reddit, what could have saved your marriage?"
These Redditors realized hindsight was 20/20 in 2021.
"Being aware that marriage should be us as a unit, not me vs them. It took me awhile to process the lesson, but I did better the second time around."
"Marriage is not 50/50 it's 100/100."
"I used to travel 150-200 days a year for my international recruitment job. I would be gone to Asia or Latin America for a few weeks and then come back for a week, but I was never really present when I was at home because I was so tired. I never cheated on her when I was on the road (like a lot of my colleagues did), but that really wasn't enough to keep the marriage going. She developed interests outside of the marriage and it ended."
"I think i should have turned down a few of the travel opportunities with my job to balance things out and be more present. But the money was so good, I thought that would ultimately make us happy."
Growing Up To Do
"Should have been more aware of them. I was a selfish prick. Emphasis on the was, as it's been nearly 20 years and I have grown up a lot."
"Better communication. I worked too much and didn't really listen to her when she indirectly said not to work so hard. She got fed up and left for someone else."
Pressure, whether from peers or self-imposed, inevitably contributed to the demise of the following marriages.
Controlling The Relationship
"My first husband's friends told him never to compromise or let me have what I wanted, because then he would have 'lost' control of the relationship. That...went about as well as you'd expect, if the 'first' in husband wasn't a hint."
People Explain Which Expensive Purchases Paid For Itself In The Long Run | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Not A Race
"Him hitting me and cheating on me less? I should have never married him. I thought I was 'behind' other people my age in life, didn't realize then that it's not a race and people hit milestones differently. I learned from my mistakes and made a much better choice the 2nd time around."
The Other Child
"If he hadn't had an affair with my 'best friend' that I've known since the 2nd grade. Her youngest daughter is definitely his, and their daughter is 7 months younger than our daughter. The only time we are all together the was at my Mom's house at Christmas time for a couple of days."
"I found out 8 years later that my God baby was my husband's child.. we had been married 17 years then. We tried to make it work as roommates for the kids and we had just bought our first house, but it didn't work and we had a bitter divorce."
Therapy can sometimes save a failing marriage. But both parties have to be willing to put in the work, unlike in one of the examples, below.
A Late Revelation
"I was married to the sweetest man. He was just.. always trying to prove himself to the world, always unhappy with his achievements, thinking he was not masculine enough, quite a nervous demeanour.. I can't really explain. He also drank more and more over the years. By the time we turned 40 we decided to divorce. We chose to not have children, so we felt it was fine to just let each other be. We're still friends, although over the past 4 years since the divorce we did grow apart of course. But we see each other regularly still. Then.. a few months ago, he told me he went into therapy. Because as a child he had been sexually abused by a 'friend' of the family."
"So there it is. I wonder ever since he told me that if he had confided in me or had gotten therapy earlier, in any way let this 'secret' out, we would've stayed together. It makes me sad, all of it."
"if my ex didn't give up in therapy, once we identified my personal issues and I started working on it, and things didn't magically get better. it became apparent that she had issues to work on as well. her response was, and these words are burned into my heart forever 'no... I dont want to work on it anymore... I'm done.'"
Avoid Focusing On Pettiness
"These are the things I've learned in 26 years, still married but almost divorced twice. Don't sweat the small sh*t, it's absolutely not worth it to either of you. Be willing to make compromises and look at the things from your partner's perspective, or simply in a way that doesn't place your views and feelings on a pedestal. Try your hardest not to be an uncompromising a**hole, that's also not worth it and both your lives will be much happier and more laid back. Be honest about your feelings and concerns etc. Try your hardest to support each other and work as a team through the difficulties in your relationship and your life and you will be able to conquer anything together."
"Also try to make time at least every couple of days to do something together that you both enjoy, even if it's only for an hour or two. eg: watch tv/movie, go for a walk, eat out. paint Warhammer, listen to music.....whatever, just something. you will cherish those times later and it will bring you closer together."
Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, takes work.
If couples are in it for the long haul, they can't expect the spark that brought them together would remain steady.
It was too late for many of the Redditors above who shared their stories, but we could learn a lot of valuable lessons through their experiences that would help us keep the relationships that are worth fighting for.
As if being a mom isn't hard enough, why does society want to heap on more stress. Women who can breastfeed need to be able to breastfeed. They need to do it whenever and wherever.
This has been a contentious, dramatic issue for generations. Some people just can't handle a boob out in public. A boob that is nourishing a child, I might add. When you're hungry, you don't want to wait, so why should a mom, make her baby wait until a more "appropriate" time?
God grow up.
Redditor u/Brace4Landing wanted to chat about what women have to do what they do, by asking:
What are your thoughts about women breastfeeding openly in restaurants?
Ok!Cartoon Yes GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"Breastfeeding, sure no problem. Changing diapers on the table/booth/chair, no freaking way. There's a reason most bathrooms have a change table."
"As long as you don't leave your dirty flip-flops on the table that's disgusting."
"Last week I was at a cafe terrace and I saw a woman breastfeeding her baby and afterwards changing the diaper on the table (which was a tad odd since they have a nice changing room there). After she left I noticed she left the dirty diaper on her plate, didn't even bother to close it up."
"A baby can't scream with a mouthful, so I'd say it's a win-win."
"My son used to do the same. The thing is his twin would get right to feeding and would stimulate the let down on his boob too, so it would be 20 seconds of screaming and 30 seconds of vague drowning noises before he clicked that food was happening."
"The baby's gotta eat. Plus I don't even pay enough attention to other people to even notice or give a crap either way."
"I agree lol!! I've noticed moms breastfeeding their babies at a restaurant maybe a grand total of TWO times in my whole life, and I go out to eat all the time. However, I ALWAYS notice when a baby is screeching so loud nobody can enjoy their meal."
"I don't even mean just crying, I mean that SCREECH they do sometimes where if you're anywhere close to them you can't even continue talking, you just have to stop and WAIT for the kid to finish. (I promise I don't hate kids LOL this is just my opinion)."
No AdultsOh No You Didnt GIF by happydogGiphy
"Acceptable if she's breastfeeding her baby, weird if she's doing so with her husband."
So far, so normal. Stay in your own conversation. If you're that interested about another person, you're sounding like a stalker.
WhatevesLet It Go Whatever GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"The more it happens the less people will care."
"I was once breastfeeding my daughter on the beach, aside from my boob being *kind of* out (mostly blocked by the baby) I was wearing shorts and a shirt, more covered than most of the people on the beach. Apparently a dude started watching me that I didn't notice and his girlfriend took offense to it."
"She started to approach me, but my mom was with us and gave her the stink eye to end all stink eyes. I have to think if they had been just a little more exposed to breast feeding this wouldn't have been anything. I'm also 99% sure that incident resulted in the couple fighting."
When in Public
"I walked with my head down the majority of my life because I felt like everyone was staring at me as I'm a very tall female. Started looking up a few years ago and realized how very wrong I was. I cared WAY more about this made up scenario in my head while assuming the worst and causing MYSELF to feel shame over it- than anyone else ever cared about my height. We're all busy doing our own thing and I don't think MOST people care about women breastfeeding in public as people think they do."
In the UK...
"I went to a mall in London, England once with a room dedicated for baby care. There were comfortable chairs and a microwave and sink. There were also little rooms with rocking chairs and low light floor lamps. Now, I would feed my baby wherever the hell I needed to, but this was luxury."
Free!Mothers Day Mama GIF by reactionseditorGiphy
"I'd rather a happy baby having a meal than a hungry miserable baby screaming and crying for nourishment. I am however against the restaurant charging an opening fee."
It is what it is. Be free ladies. Whatever keeps the kid quiet, works for most of us. Do as you need.
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Our society has a lot of strange ideas about masculinity. In fact, we have such a string of contradicting and misleading pieces of information on how a man "should" act that it has created a very emotionally stunted pool of men in the United States.
And it's usually traits that differ from this path of "most masculine" that, ironically, make us appealing to potential mates. When people look for a partner, they usually look for some preliminary signs of who that person is, and these are some of the traits that most stuck out upon first impression.
"What instantly makes a guy hot?"
Here were some of those answers.
To Make Others Feel Heard
"Learning how to actively listen is a wonderful skill to learn. Restating or affirming a statement or comment made really makes people feel heard. Great for developing rapport especially with coworkers, doubly so for the quiet ones."-Psychadous
It Must Be That Sweet Sweet Tire
"Blew a tire on the way back from a trip last weekend. Still had a couple of hours to go on the drive. Pulled over and changed it in about 15-20 minutes."
"Wife kept taking pictures of me while I was making the tire change. The remainder of the drive home, I kept catching her staring at me out of the corner of my eye."
"Fast forward 2 days later… walk up behind her in the kitchen and she's zooming in on a couple of those pics she took. I think she was into my basic tire changing skills."-bonediggler69
Just Simple Things
"Nice smile and eyes. Voice is also important too it can affect my entire attraction to him."
"Edit: by voice I don't mean stereotypical manly voice. I like different types, and so do other women. It's not a type per se it's just a voice. I can't say 'yeah I like all voices that sound like X' cause that's not how it works."-proncesshambarghers
Just noticing these things in a guy can really change your focus.
"He's funny. Not in a 'prank' way but in a clever word-play manner."
"He doesn't have to like what I like, but he allows me to like it without being demeaning or belittling."
"I dated a guy once who was very different physically from my type - but he was so damn hot because he was clever, funny and caring."-bunniesandacat
All He Had To Do
"Listening. My husband listened to me, listened to what I like and went on wooing me from there."
"Brought me my favorite foods and deserts, took me to my favorite movies, bought me tickets to my favorite concerts."--user deleted
"All she wanted was a day where she could do anything she wanted without hearing mom mom mom. Also at night on sundays I would draw her a nice hot bath and light some candles."
"The kids new on Sunday nights leave mom alone and I made sure she was able to decompress a bit. She was a stay-at-home mom and she needed to have that alone time now and then."
"She was my everything and I treated her like she was. Damn I miss her so much...."-StraightSho
"When he talks about something that he's knowledgeable and excited about without talking down on you for not knowing about it."-AllDogsGoToReddit
"So all the years of learning about animals, prehistory and biology weren't wasted..."-bigfatcarp93
Let's Play "Who Has Trust Issues?"!
"I'm a guy, but I've heard from women that being good with kids instantly makes a guy hot. I've heard from other women that it instantly makes him look like a creep. Idk. Lol"-IMeasureFromTheTaint
Yes, really just one of these things is enough to turn heads and generate some whispers about yourself.
It's That Calm Stuff
"Self awareness. Which translates into empathy for himself and others, kindness, honesty, deep conversations, A CALM ENERGY."
"Basically, a REAL nice genuine man not the ones who pretend to be nice guys just to get in your pants. Oh, and being a good dog dad or good dad in general."-yewcant_seeme
All The Kindness
"Being kind to people when he didn't have to be."
"Favorite quote from my favorite movie:"
"'I'd only give one piece of advice to someone marrying. We're all quite similar in the end. We all get old and tell the same tales too many times. But try and marry someone kind.'"
- "About Time"-Deviolist
Security In Masculinity
"Self-assuredness / a quiet confidence. It's incredibly unattractive when I see guys saying things like 'that's gay/ that will make me look gay/ men don't do ___.' Being confident of yourself and your masculinity is very attractive."
"(I have a friend who kept flirting with me in the past. He kept saying guys without facial hair look gay, and guys who wear short pants or anything remotely 'feminine' look like women. how fragile is that?)"-zanylife
It's not all of these things, but just one of these things that can move a guy up from a 1 to a 10 at the speed of light with no extra things needed.
Being kind goes a long way, as does clarity and self-confidence. Invest in yourself, and others will also invest in you.
Have you ever found yourself handing over some hard-earned money while wondering "why am I even paying for this?"
There are some things that absolutely should be "free" - or at least not an extra fee on top of some already-paid money. So let's talk about them.
Reddit user QadeerRay asked:
The responses were honestly a lot more varied than I expected. I was positive I'd see someone mention the places that charge you for using rain water - the literal water that falls freely from the sky - but there's a lot here that I hadn't even thought about and honestly, I'm kind of salty now.
Come, be salty with me.
Notifying People Is Expensivecreepy grim reaper GIFGiphy
"Death certificates." - redrivverrunning
"For me they were $16 each - and every single company that the deceased has an account for needs a copy."
"I learned to go in person to places like banks as much as I possibly can. They make a copy and give it back to me, that way I can avoid mailing it for them to keep forever so I have to buy even more official copies." - classic_elle
"In the state where I live, they charge you $20 for the first certificate and $3 for each additional one so the funeral homes generally suggest you go ahead and order 5-6 more than you think you'll need after figuring out their accounts and stuff because it's still cheaper than getting a single extra at a later time." - SilverDarner
"The UK government does have a service where you inform them of a death, provide them with the certificate, and they'll make a best effort to inform all of the person's banks and pension providers. It doesn't have nearly the number of companies being informed that I would've liked, but it's a good start."
"What confuses me is that other companies aren't jumping at the chance to be on the notification list... you'd think it would be in their best interest to be notified if one of their customers died so they can clean stuff up on their end. But oh well." - SweatyOctopussy
"Not really, (at least in the US) they would really only need to stop billing/autopay once they are informed of the death and it is confirmed. The longer they can go without that confirmation, the better it is for their bottom line."
"Source: Work in corporate America" - TheLastFartan
Looking At You, Nestle3D Loop GIF by Pi-SlicesGiphy
"Drinkable water. Looking at you, Nestle. The company has a history of taking over water sources and that whole formula thing was gross." - Whit-Batmobil
"Nestle financially pushed for hospitals in 3rd world countries to start new born babies on 'free trials' of formula feeds so the mother's weren't feeding & their milk would dry up. Essentially forcing them to buy & continue using the formula forever."
"To make matters worse, this was done in areas with no safe drinking water so babies that were only a few days old were giving formula mixed with unsafe water & many got sick/died as a direct result when their mothers could have just breastfed them safely and for free."
"Even when Nestle was alerted to this (as if they didn't already know) they refused to change their tactics. The company is scum." - now_you_see
In Publicbathroom GIFGiphy
"Using public toilets in Europe." - pretty_pumpkin
"Personally, here in Germany I find it is counter-intuitive. I think people resent having to pay for a toilet, and treat it like 'Alright, you're going to charge me €.50 for a pee, I'm going to get my money's worth then and just piss everywhere, because f--- you for making me pay to pee.' "
"This I find is especially true with toilets where the cleaning is 'automated.' On the other hand, you go into a lot of department stores, or a mall, etc, the toilets are often attended to by a person sitting just outside the entrance. Payment is usually optional (i.e. there is no turnstyle you have to unlock by putting money in), but it is typical to put €.50 or so in the dish on your way out... and in those cases I find the bathrooms very clean."
"Other bathrooms, particularly those along the autobahn, are actively serviced, but have a payment turnstile thing you have to go through. You can then use the receipt from the turnstile at the fast food and snack shops which are a part of the building, and you'll get the amount you paid at the bathroom deducted from your purchase."
"But overall public bathrooms are just terribly hard to find (paid or otherwise). Public pissing is common and basically unavoidable. You see it and smell it regularly." - Mozambique-Ready
Insulinmichael douglas greed GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
"Insulin industry is actually hijacked by three companies and they're doing all they can to keep it's price high."
"It's not a luxury. It keeps people alive! Show some humanity."
"• Eli Lilly, Novo Nordisk and Sanofi are the three companies that dominate more than 90% of the world insulin market by value. This means that they can set prices as they wish."
"• Production cost of insulin is about 2% of it's market price."
"• Unlike any other medicine, there is no generic insulin. Insulin is still under patent after 37 years. 'Big three' producers are abusing legal loophole for over 4 decades. (Known as Patent evergreening)."
"• These companies make profit of worth billions. Not to mention they're spending millions on lobbying politicians and donating to other decision makers to keep quiet."
"• They pay another companies not to enter the market. Or they sue them. That's what happened to company called Merck. Sanofi sued them." - DogDisguisedAsHooman
Standard Bathroom Caretampons ugh men GIF by DiggGiphy
"Uhm tampons and pads in public restrooms, schools, etc. Freak I'm a penis carrier and even I think that sh*t should be free."
"You would be mad if you went in to a public restroom and there was a coin slot for the f*cking toilet paper."
"I don't think they should be free off the shelf. Everything requires money to make so in reality nothing is free, but this should be standard care in every bathroom just in case." - TripleThickBacon
We're Not Here For Funseason 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy
"Hospital parking. Oh, dad's dying? Doesn't matter. 5 bucks." - bdd4
"Where I live you go in for free, but they do charge to leave. If you get your parking validated, (pretty much just saying you had a reason to be there as a patient or visitor) you get to leave for free."
"They had a huge issue with people parking there for free, but not even being there for the hospital. Just a place to park as they did business or shopping downtown where the hospital is located." - Howling_Fang
"You're gonna love this. We as hospital staff have to pay to park the hospital as well!"
"I am close to graduating from a medical program and some area hospitals hire from graduates of our school's program over other applicants so they have meetings at our campus about working there and benefits, etc"
"the cheapest parking package they offered, which is still a MASSIVE hike to the door is $50 a week, the most expensive being $100 a week."
"They made it a point to highlight that their staff ride all the city buses for free with our ID cards and they bring you to the front door, so that's something at least." - xBlackx_xDahliax
The Dreaded PaywallPay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy
"Scientific articles. They're mostly behind a paywall."
"You can either subscribe to certain journals so that you have access year-round ($ depends on the specific journal), or you can pay for access to one article at a time. The latter is usually about $30-$50."
"As a scientist, this has always irritated me. People on social media everywhere reference blogs and other non-scientific articles, which are, of course, ill-informed and non-scientific."
"We should be linked to science journals when we Google - but then every time we're interested in some topic, pay $50 to read about it?? That's ridiculous."
"Even news media reporting on interesting results from science pubs get the results mucked up. You really can't trust anything but the peer-reviewed paper itself." - BrahmTheImpaler
"I firmly believe this is one (of many!) reasons why the US is full of anti-science/anti-intellectualism rhetoric."
"We keep information locked behind paywalls, creating yet another socioeconomic barrier for attaining knowledge. Even if the desire to learn is there, it means incredibly little without the ability to access the information." - sayhellotojenn
Buying My Info BackConfused Always Sunny GIF by It's Always Sunny in PhiladelphiaGiphy
"This private company in Germany just collects all your information (like a credit score) without your consent and the you have to buy all that info back from them because otherwise no landlord will ever accept you."
"There is a free Schufa you can request that once a year (so bad luck if your search for a home takes over a month) and it's also not the full one. Some landlords still demand the full one." - GreenKangaroo3
Seeing Is A Luxury?Glasses Seinfeld GIFGiphy
"I have insurance and I still have to pay (in my opinion) too much to just be able to see."
"It's not a luxury, it's a basic need. Also, my sight changes all the time so I can't even get a nice pair and be set for the next few years. If I'm lucky I'll get to keep a pair for 1,5 to 2 years before I absolutely need new glasses." - Proper-Literature173
"I think it's weird that vision and dental are separate from health insurance. Like seeing and chewing are just vanity." - FistedTate
"I can't believe how far I had to scroll to find this, I passed 3 waters and chicken nuggets. Why does it cost money to see? And I have 20/20 vision so this doesn't affect me." - Tian_Lord23
So tell us, what you YOU make free for everyone if you could?
Generations are sometimes a little confusing. What makes up a generation? Is it their ages or year they were born? Is it what was happening politically during the formative years? Is it the economic landscape that either afforded or denied certain life expectations? Maybe it's the technology that they had access to.
According to the Pew Research Center, it's all of these things and more. All of these factors can influence a generations understanding of the world and ultimately their thoughts as the move through it.
Depending on what generation you're from, you might have seen the drastic shift from records to CDs to Spotify, from payphones and landlines to cellphones.
Marked by technology and pop culture references, the older generations might actually look to Gen Z, the iGen, with pitty for never truly understanding the struggle of walking to school up hill both ways.
What are the struggles of the past that young people today really won't understand unless they were there to experience it? We went to Ask Reddit to find out.
Redditor Bagolyvagymi asked:
"What's something that newer generations will never understand?"
Let's see how much things have changed in just a few decades.
Hoping the plans didn't change.
"Meeting up with a friend at the movies and having no way to communicate once you've left the house—your friend doesn't show: is he coming? Should I continue to wait, standing at the precise spot we agreed on? Has he died? Did he forget? I'll call home using a pay phone and hope my mom is there to tell me whether he left a message on the answering machine."
"So much anxiety. But I feel like people kept plans more then. They weren't checking their phone to bail for a 'better' option. In general people met at the agreed upon time and place."
"They also bothered to actually make plans and had to stick to them instead of flaking out or faffing about with 'I'll just call you.'"
"I remember the first time someone stood me up because we hadn't texted same-day to confirm we were actually doing the thing. I was baffled."
"Now I would never plan something a week out and just expect the other person to remember and show up."
"I hate that this is a thing we have to do now."
"Worst still is when it happens and somehow you're at fault because you didn't text them to say your plans was still happening. I showed up. Why didn't you text to make sure if you questioned it?"
Parents trusted their kids would be safe.
"Parents not knowing where their kids are and trusting them not to get into trouble."
"My kids watched Stranger Things with me and they thought it was unrealistic how the kids would just go ride their bikes wherever late at night. I told them we used to do that all the time."
"One time I broke my collar bone in a pick up football game and had to ride my bike home. I was like 10 miles away. (That sucked.)"
"Come to think about it, it seems rare to have enough kids playing outside to have a pickup football game nowadays."
"And trusting other adults in the community to assist, snitch, etc."
"The busybodies do suck when you arent doing anything wrong, and when they breach trust. But it is also good when the general community does not turn a blind eye to crap stuff going down, nipping bad trends in the bud."
You couldn't just download or stream your favorite song.
"Having to buy the entire album to get one song you liked or wait for it to come on the radio and record it. Missing any part of the song was unacceptable and you had to wait until it was played again."
"Than the DJ would talk at the end of the song and ruined it."
"Or hearing a cool song for 10 seconds in a movie and not knowing its name and buying the soundtrack so you can have the whole song and it's not even on there."
Which made road trips need a whole lot more preparation.
"Having a 3 ring binder of CD's for road trips."
"The binder was for the ok music... The real good stuff was in a holder on your sun visor."
"One major tragedy I remember was when I took a sudden hard right turn and all my favorite CDs on the sun visor flew out my open window."
Patience wasn't as hard to come by.
"Taking pictures, then waiting for them to be developed to see if they turned out okay."
"Then finding the while roll of film is someone's thumb, cause they didn't know how to hold the camera."
"Or when you're on the other side of the country on a road trip with a friend, having taken some of the coolest pics ever. And then...the counter on the camera goes one number higher than the film should. To your horror you learn there was no film in the damn camera and the pics you've taken over the last week of your road trip don't exist."
"And you took one or two pictures, not a dozen. Film was expensive, man."
"It was a HUGE DEAL about twice a year to take a roll of film in to be processed, then wait. And wait. And wait. Until FINALLY! Oh god I look horrible. And no do-overs! God, the advent of the cell phone camera has CHANGED MY LIFE like no other invention, obviously I am old enough to remember 110 film (shudders) but medical advances aside, what a game-changer."
The satisfying phone slam.
"Slamming down the receiver on a landline telephone. Pushing the red button is not nearly as satisfying."
"Is you slam hard enough you'd get that little ding to let everyone know sh*t went down."
"I have an office phone at my desk that I slam daily after dealing with our incompetent sales department."
The VCR rewind.
"Having to rewind the tape before returning it to the video store or incur a fee."
"We had a dedicated video rewinder."
"Or video stores in general."
It seems like quite a lot has changed over the years. Maybe because of technology life has becomes easier, but seems like there may be some pitfalls to convenience.
Have we gone to far with our societal advances? Or does it seem like we are heading into a bright future that so many have dreamed of?
Only one way to find out.
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