Public marriage proposals are such emotional events, even passersby stop what they are doing to applaud the presumably happy couple.
But not all proposals are the romantic milestone everyone expects them to be, especially when "yes" is not the answer.
When a woman ultimately says, "no," the courage it takes for her to turn down a proposal is better in the long run for both people involved.
Wondering about how life resumed for women post-proposal, Redditor Interesting-Cod478 asked:
"Women who got proposed to but rejected it, why and how did your life change afterwards?"
The Ring
"I was dating a guy for two or three weeks (yes, weeks) and he proposed to me. With a ring he had bought for another woman. Which he told me as he was proposing. I said no and kind of slowly ghosted him because YIKES."
Wasn't A Joke
"I guy a went on one date proposed to me because he wanted a green card. I thought he was joking at first. He wasn't. I said no and then goodbye forever"
– azick545
"It was honestly hilarious. I was like at least put in some more effort, string me along, etc. But at least he made his feelings apparent quickly and I didn't have to worry anymore."
– azick545
"I was proposed to in a pretty nonchalant manner by a fellow student at my local community college. I had just turned 21 and he was in his mid 40's. The class was scuba diving."
"He has some really good reasons for me to marry him. He was completely deaf, so his proposal was witnessed by an interpreter and most of the class. He spoke well but was a little hard to understand at times so he signed and spoke the whole thing while the interpreter stood by to make sure I understood what he was saying and had to repeat a couple things that I didn't catch."
If It Weren't For The Age Gap
"The class was pretty laid back so we were all mostly comfortable with each other. Hanging out chatting after class one day and he gets my attention and says, very matter of fact 'we should get married, here's why' and proceeds to list several reasons why. Some of his reasons were- I could drive his Jeep any time I wanted. It was a brand new Rubicon and I had an older grand cherokee so obviously I love jeeps. I could play music as loud as I wanted any time of day, wouldn't bother him. We would never fight because he couldn't hear me anyway. He had a job, collected disability pay, and had his own home so I would never have to work. I always looked so interested in what he had to say. That one was him picking on me because he knew I didn't know sign language."
"He said it would be perfect. I agreed with him that it did sound pretty great, except for the fact that he was the same age as my dad and that was weird."
"I kindly declined his proposal and he joked about me crushing his spirits and how I was the only girl for him. He pretty much dropped it but he would ask me occasionally throughout the rest of the class 'change your mind yet?' Then we'd have a good laugh."
"He was the nicest guy, I think just a little lonely. Always kind hearted and loved helping everyone out. He loved that he was on an even playing field while scuba diving, no one can hear under water. He was fun to be around. Too bad he was twice my age."
"Jerry, if you're out there and remember this interaction, I dated a few guys that were sh*t compared to how you'd treat a lady and I thought about your proposal often. I'm incredibly happy with the boy that I hope to marry someday and I genuinely hope you've found someone that makes you happy and treats you well."
– S-Crumby
The Senior Player
"92 yr old man at a nursing home used to ask me and every other woman to Marry him daily. Had this whole sweet old man line 'your the most beautiful woman I've ever seen' , I would reply 'I just heard you say the same thing to that nurse,' 'but you're prettier.' Made me smile everytime. He had forgotten he was already married."
White Water Rafting Followed By A Proposal
"A friend of mine in another city, had been trying to set me up with her male roommate. He, whom I had never met, had won tickets for white water rafting in BC... about 6 hours away for me, and 3 for him... we decided to do a weekend trip to meet (my friend insisted that he was cool... otherwise I never would have gone without knowing him for a while.
Anyways... I was *very* clear that we wouldn't be having sex, since we had just met, and he agreed, pointing out that he was strict Roman Catholic and would not have sex until married."
"First night we fooled around a bit, but nothing much.... went white water rafting the next day, had dinner and back to the room."
"He very excitedly tells me that he met a priest who was also staying at the hotel, and PROPOSES!!!! With complete seriousness!!"
"WTF!! Everything after that went rather poorly. He didn't understand why I wouldn't see him again after dropping him off at home."
"Did not change my life, other than have a good story...."
Sweet Little Suitors
"I worked as a pre-k teaching assistant for a year. The head teacher was married so they called her Mrs. while I was not so they called me Ms. Eventually some of the kids noticed this difference and started asking why head teacher was Mrs. and I wasn't. We explained that she was married and I didn't have a husband. Upon hearing that one little boy loudly stated 'I will marry you! I want to be your husband!' I got 3 other proposals from 3 different 4 year olds that day. Definitely not a serious story, but one that always makes me smile :)"
The Deadbeat
"Okay, my first boyfriend. Started dating in high school, my end of 9th grade year, he was a senior. So he went off to college, lived 2 hours away. Cool, everything was cool. My junior year, he moves back to our hometown. Didn't talked about, I asked him about college. He just said he didn't want to go anymore, then I realize this guy can't commit to a job, like in high school I understood the slack. I ended things with him that summer before I went for my senior year."
"Years pass, I moved to a different city 3 hours away from our hometown. We get in contact again because I was getting over a bad break up. After 2ish years we start dating again. I think he finally has good things going for him, like his future. Well, after dating for like 3 months he moved in with me, I didn't want this, yet his mother was being kicked out of the house they were renting. ( due to non_payment )
About 6 months into him living with me, he's jobless, demanding I pay his car payments, won't clean up anything, and just plays games all day. He asked me to marry him, I said yeah cause people were watching but I promise you, and soon as we get back to my apartment, I give him $40, tell him to go back to his mom's so she could take care of him for the rest of her life!!"
I am out of options. Unless all of my prior fail safes current relationships don't pan out, I'm going to the grave alone. I'm too tired to look, or too lazy. Potato/potatoe... let's see who has better luck.
Decades Later
just married love GIFGiphy"Yep, worked out pretty well. We've known each other for close to 30 years now and jokingly said something similar years ago. Anyway, we got married almost 6 years ago and pretty happy with the situation."
BFF
"We were best friends for a long time in high school, I was really into her but the feeling wasn't mutual. I told her if we were single 5 years from now I could see us getting together and getting married. I moved across the country and we mostly lost touch for a couple years, but then almost exactly five years after I'd said that, we reconnected and I told here I was miserable where I was."
"She had just moved to a new city, I moved in with her, and we got together pretty quick. In two weeks, that'll have been six years ago. We just bought a house and our daughter's first birthday is next month. It was rocky at first, since we were both escaping miserable situations and living in a studio apartment, but everything worked out and I live with my best friend."
- drmwve
She said yes...
"Funny enough, there was a girl I liked in High School, but I was 17 and she was 15. She asked me out but I said no because I just got a girlfriend, but I was interested in her and I told her. She said if I'm single by the time I'm 25, can we get married? I was like yeah sure. I asked her when she was 25 if she was single. She said yes. Reminded her about our agreement and she said "I'm only really dating girls right now." So yeah."
Jumped the gun a little...
"I made this arrangement with my best friend from college. We spent so much time together, people thought we were dating and it led to some strife in many of my possible relationships because they saw her as a threat. But that wasn't the nature of our relationship. Strictly friends, I had interest in her one time but was quickly friendzoned and didn't try to make any advances. She never held interest in me."
"One night, close to the end of college, we went out and grabbed some beer at a local place and were transparent that we could see ourselves getting married to one another. We made an agreement that if, by the age of 30 pr 35 (I can't remember now), we were both single, we would get married. After college, we went our separate ways—I continued with school, she got a job."
"We talked inconsistently (maybe once every few months?) for about 2 years. I happened to be in her city one day in 2020 and we grabbed coffee. We talked a little more after that, then things REALLY picked up here in the last few months. We're engaged, getting married in March. Jumped the gun a little, but dammit this is the best decision and relationship I've ever been in."
In the End...
This Is Absolutely Ridiculous Mandy Moore GIF by This Is UsGiphy"Couple I knew both thought very highly of themselves and thought they could do better than the other person. They're now together and miserable."
- PCB4lyfe
Well those sound pleasant enough. Well, most of them do. But hey, when you gotta go with what's in front of you, you can't beg. Maybe others had it better.
Cheers to Us...
Season 17 Cheers GIF by The BacheloretteGiphy"Had an agreement. Both were married far before the date. Did however go out for drinks to celebrate the fact that we were both happily married!"
- Zulias
Finally
"I know a couple who were best friends but dating other people for about 15 years. No one was surprised when they finally started dating and got married, but they didn't have an agreement like you mention. They just finally got over the idea that love had to start with romance rather than friendship."
What happens... happens...
"My best friend dated this chick through high school. They broke up to go to separate colleges, dated other people obviously. Got back in town after graduating, got back together, got married. That was like 19 years and 3 kids ago. He was telling me they never would've lasted a year if they didn't separate for the 4 years of college."
- meh35m
This is a date?!
"My husband and I were friends. I said ,"if you don't have a date on Valentine's Day, why don't you come over and we can drink/ hang out." ( it was senior year of college… this was everyone's past time on non football days or club nights) Valentines came, and we both had nothing to do. He came over with beer AND yellow/red flowers."
"He offered to take me to dinner. I turned around and looked at my roommate like," huh?! Ooohhhhh... This is a date?!" I accepted the flowers and the 6 pack, got changed and 3 days later I just knew he was the one I wanted to annoy for a lifetime. We were swimming in the Jupiter inlet and I said "I think we should get married" he said "Yep. Sounds like a plan."
"That's all it took… friends + valentines + trajectory change = 2 kids, 2 careers, 6 moves, 1 serous illness. We survived together as a team, and It will be 25 years together in February. Man, I got it right and I couldn't even think of anyone better a fit for me. It's been AWESOME!!!"
Let's Party...
Marriage Love GIFGiphy"In my case i had good friend studying together abroad who had boyfriend."
"I told her to call me when she's free. Two years later she came to work to my city she was already free. She called me and we went to a party where after an hour or two we decided to be together and we are for 10 years."
I'm comforted by a lot of this. Maybe I'll meet some new back ups. And then love will overcome. Anybody free for a chat? ;)
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But in a stressful work environment, many of us are inclined to drop the f-bomb but choose not to for the sake of professionalism.
Is there a way to professionally tell someone to F off without actually using those exact words?
This is something that was explored on an Ask Reddit thread when user daniabear asked:
"How can someone say 'f'k you' in a professional situation?"
Getting a supervisor involved was mentioned as an intimidation tactic.
Using A Superior
"I spoke with your supervisor about the matter and they agree with me."
"*just CCing the supervisor*"
Backfiring
"My favorite is when a co-worker sends me an email and CCs all pertinent supervisors under the guise of 'I've told you repeatedly about X not working and months later it's still not working."'
"And then I go dig up my original, professional reply that explained how they were doing it wrong and that X is in fact working just fine, please just follow procedure. I forward that original reply with no explanation to the whole thread as a response to the very unprofessional tantrum they're currently throwing."
"Then I sit back, sip my coffee and wait. I typically turn on my read receipt for these types of communications so I can sense the disturbance in the force in real time."
– eimmac
Read The Email
"When someone asks in an email for something you already sent them, you just forward the original email."
– wxguy215
"It pisses me off that I have to keep track of what's been said and when, just to be able to find it and point to it - while it's easy for the a**hole who's not paying attention to just ask again, and again."
If read between the lines, these statements is like flipping the bird.
Being Heard
"I've taken your idea/feedback/POV under advisement. Thank you for your contribution."
Finding The Tone
"There's nuance in context. If I'm in a meeting (in person or remote) and I say 'let's talk about that offline'. That might be neutral as something is another topic or concern or the flow or time constraints are such that, that's more ideal. It can also mean other things. I think most people know the difference."
There was room for some creativity.
I Hear You
"With all DUE respect."
"'With all due respect.... f'k you' and then push send"
A Slight Misinterpretation
Say to the person 'You should go f'k off eh!'"
"They will to the predicable thing, act shocked/offended and say something like 'Excuse Me?!' or 'Pardon me?!?!' or "WHAAAT?!!!"
"Then you 'repeat' yourself 'I said, You should go for coffee."
The responses varied depending on the work situation.
I work in entertainment. Many people in the industry are very passionate and they are not limited to those we see on stage and screen.
A production team is comprised of individuals who have integrity and have no problem mincing words when things go awry.
In my experience, when the occasional f-bomb is dropped in a non-combative situation, no one bats an eye.
What immediately follows is a collective, unspoken understanding that something didn't go over well, and everyone goes about their business.
We leave the drama for the stage.