People Describe Their Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plans
Nathan Wright on Unsplash

The likelihood of a zombie apocalypse is realistically pretty low.

But it's still something many people have thought about in great detail.

Let's be honest—most of us have at least a basic zombie apocalypse survival plan.


Redditor Spiritual_Put_838 asked:

"You switch on a news channel and it shows news of a zombie outbreak on the other side of the world. What are the steps you take to ensure safety for when it hits your area?"

Before The Pandemic We'd Laugh At This

"Buy all the toilet paper." ~ pigeon323

"First response to any crisis." ~ shoephone7

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Can Zombies Climb?

"Remove the stairs in my house and outside my house. It's all about rope ladders from now on." ~ FranksRedWorkAccount

"Bruh, thats like text book zombie survival 101. Ive had a zombie survival plan for my area for over 10 years and thats the key thing you are looking for in a safe house." ~ Bahnd

Unlimited Power

"Surround the house with treadmills." ~ Strange_Rutabaga_826

"Use zombies walking to power your house." ~ Dragon_Magician

"That's genius!" ~ FranksRedWorkAccount

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Are Zombears Real?

"Put air in my bike tires and get some bite proof body armor."

"Put a wagon on my bike and fill it up with cans of baked beans."

"Ride into the woods and build a tree house."

"Cans of baked beans provide sustenance and are a projectile."

"If I have time set up a bunch of bear traps."

"I don't want any bears to get me." ~ ac1084

Know Your Zombies

"It really depends on the temperament of the zombies."

"Are these 28 Days Later zombies or Walking Dead zombies?" ~ Surveymonkee

"Honestly I'd rather The Walking Dead zombies."

"Even though we're all already infected, I totally would rather that than those psychotic scary 28 Days Later ones."

"Also it's easy to trick The Walking Dead zombies by just wearing zombie skin and blood."

"So I'd definitely pick them." ~ TheHippoIsPink

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"I stopped watching The Walking Dead after discovering this…"

"Why doesn’t everybody just have a zombie suit or zombie blood that they put on, go about their business?"

"Although, nowadays, I get it."

"If we can’t even be bothered to put on a mask during a pandemic, who the Hell is going to put on the zombie suit?" ~ Bangbangsmashsmash

Ain't Nobody Got Time For Zombies

"I would just peace out. I'm not dealing with zombies." ~ DimensionalLynx169

"I’ve had this convo with my fiancé and I say the same thing. If it gets to the point where we’re in danger, just put me to sleep."

"I won’t survive and I don’t want to be a zombie, either. He doesn’t like that I wouldn’t attempt to survive, lol." ~ sn0wgh0ul13

"My answer as well. We have young kids that would make it way too hard to survive."

"I absolutely despise thinking that way, but I would rather we all go out together (something peaceful, like in the garage with the car running, listening to our favorite music) than live in fear everyday, or live with the absolute despair of losing each other one at a time." ~ iakonu_hale

"That's what my take on it is. I'd rather just take myself outta the equation. I don't see the purpose of needlessly putting myself through all of that."

"Especially when realistically nobody I love or care about will be around, and all there is to look forward to is more fear and an apocalyptic Earth." ~ DimensionalLynx169

Alternate Food Sources

"Get the Shovel. Time to eat some freaking worms." ~ dragonpolic3

"That's one point I simply don't understand in zombie movies. Insects are a solid food source, and yet every movie, people are hunting for canned food, animals and so on. Make a garden, have some livestock and eat insects if need be." ~ Mizzen_Twixietrap

"I'm not saying you're wrong, but if I had to choose between eating insects or a can of beans I found, I would choose the beans everytime." ~ pulseout

"Humans can also eat over three hundred thousand types of plants. We've just forgotten. Birds rats mice lizards small animals make good meals as well."

"If you're going to eat worms wash out the dirt first. A lot of insects taste terrible by the way." ~ keyboardstatic

"It all depends for me. I'll eat ants and whatnot but anything like grubs, centipedes, or spiders... I'll just let myself starve." ~ ThatAltAccount99

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Who Decided To Use Logic?

"In a realistic scenario, wouldn't Zombies be unable to move because their muscles would be rotting and sh*t??"

"So realistically wouldn't this problem solve itself by dying out in the country of origin?" ~ SubsforLunch

It Worked For Shaun—Sort Of

"Take car."

"Grab Liz"

"Go to mum's."

"Kill Phil."

"Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over." ~ GekoXV

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Barricade

"Probably run to the store and buy as much barbed wire, posts and other fencing material I can. Then maybe grab some gun care stuff. Some toilet paper."

"If I can’t do that, just grab my partner and our loved ones, pack up and head over to my parent's house." ~ BcrackWithTeeth

"Unless these zombies are magical the outbreak won't last more than a couple months as

  1. They wouldn't be consuming nutrients vital to the upkeep of their bodies.
  2. Unless the virus keeps almost all of your organs functioning decay is going to set in real real fast. And
  3. Zombies dont give a damn about their bodies and would destroy their limbs pretty fast."

"So bunker down as best I can, and if the zombies have a mechanism for keeping their bodies running probably kill myself as I'm intelligent enough to understand that I'm too stupid and under equipped to give myself a good chance at survival in that kind of world."

"And my attempt at survival would probably just mean another zombie coming at the people that CAN survive." ~ doktarlooney

Convoy

"Tell truckers that the zombies will force them to wear masks." ~ powdereddog

Nope

"Nice try, I’m not risking you turning into a zombie and knowing what I’m up to." ~ Kalsor

Pandemic Lessons

"All you need is good body armour."

"Human teeth aren't that good." ~ keyboardstatic

"If this pandemic has done anything, it's reinforced the trope that there will always be someone who is 'infected' in your group who won't say anything and keep quiet until the last possible moment and end up being a danger."

"Also, infected people have sudden urges to head to the nearest airport." ~ PanzerBiscuit

"Pfft. If the pandemic taught me anything, it's that people are stupid and selfish (which I probably should have known already, but...) and if they're reporting on a zombie outbreak on the other side of the planet, some a**hole just got off a plane in my area with an active, festering bite."

"I mean, I'd try to fortify the house, but like... the zombies are already here, man." ~ Kaertos

"That’s why one of the requirements for survival groups should be a complete strip search for any new arrivals (to find hidden bites/scratches), and a quarantine for however long it takes for symptoms to manifest, the quarantine facility should be as pleasant as possible, to minimize resistance."

"For exploratory crews returning from runs, same thing, full body screen for exposure, if they pass, no quarantine as they’ve already passed, if there’s even the slightest suspicion of contamination or exposure, quarantine would be required." ~ MacTechG4

"We can't get idiots to wear masks when it would save their own families lives, you think they're gonna be willing to strip down in front of Jesus?"

"Humanity is f'king doomed. We're never going to get off this rock as a species and that's a damn good thing for the rest of the universe." ~ DildoDouchBaggins

"And there'd be a ton of people screaming 'I won't live in fear' marching right into the zombies." ~ DMercenary

"All the people denying that zombies are real even as one is chewing off their arm." ~ DreamCyclone84

"I’d invest in ‘Zombies aren’t real’ and ‘Who are the real zombies?’ signs and sell them to Republicans." ~ Hill_Reps_For_Jesus

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As for me, I'd just stay put.

I live in Maine where there are plenty of trees, plenty of homes with wood stoves or fireplaces, lots of guns, subzero temperatures and several feet of snow.

Have you ever seen a zombie on skis or snowshoes?

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