Being a parent is hard, it can be even harder is you are totally clueless about major aspects of your child's life.
Reddit user @dogidoga asked:
For tons of people out there, the Daddy/Daughter dynamic comes with a few speed bumps. The question was initially posed to the women of Reddit, but a surprising number of men chimed in as well - turning the whole thread into more of a conversation than an endless list. The responses actually turned out pretty enlightening. And, it shows that you can raise a child without the blue or pink stereotypes.
Treat Them Right
The way you treat your wife/girlfriend can teach how I'm supposed to expect men to treat me.
- Elodea
This is why I have changed tactics with my youngest daughter. Instead of being the father that cleaned his gun, or sharpened his knife when the boyfriend came over, I decided that the best way to help my daughter make smarter decisions about boys is to treat her mother with love and respect.
Sure, my wife annoys me at times, but I don't lash out at her, I don't insult her, I have never raised a hand towards her in anger. I raise my voice, but that's more because I am going deaf and don't realize that I am raising my voice, I have never raised it in anger.
We need to teach our daughters how men should be treating women. Not making threats against guys that want to date them. It doesn't look good for us as fathers and teaches them that violence is an acceptable path.
"Boys Don't Like Fat Girls"
How much what he said (or didn't say) mattered. It still bothers me that he didn't tell me I looked pretty either time I was all dressed up as bridesmaid in my friends' weddings and I still remember him saying "boys don't like fat girls," or words to that effect a few times.
Never Embarrass Me
GiphyMy dad was a high school teacher that taught at a really good school. As a teen, I wanted to attend the school my dad taught at but he and my mother insisted I attended a different one that was apparently "of a better standard". It wasn't until years later my mother admitted to me that the reason I was put in a different school was because my dad didn't want me to get teased by other students about him or feel embarrassed by him.
I wish my dad knew he could never embarrass me.
Love you daddy. R.I.P
As a teacher I'm at the cusp of the same thing with my oldest. While the majority wouldn't tease her for who her father is as I'm well liked enough by my students, it would affect her social and school life.
I wouldn't be able to let her friends over if they're from the same school because we're required to do a heap of formwork for that. Can't take her friends home with us for sleepovers etc. No parties at my house because I'm a mandatory reporter for underage drinking (that will exist regardless unfortunately for her). Her teachers can just call my staff room right after a lesson if there's a problem.
She's a good kid and I don't want her ability to grow and make friends and engage respectfully with her teachers to be compromised by the fact that Daddy is the crazy science teacher at the other end of the school.
- Xuanwu
Gender And Interests
I liked trains. He apparently was really sad when my gender was revealed and I was a girl. He wanted a boy to play trains with and I was the last kid they were going to have. Youngest of 3 girls. I liked trains. My mom would buy toy trains and train movies for me to play with, and I would play with them for hours, but my dad never saw me playing with them because when he got home from work, all I wanted to do was play with my dad, and he didn't typically use toys to play with me. He would just teach me cool stuff, or tell me jokes and stories. He played using his voice. If I had known he wanted to play with trains, we would've had a blast.
- Avbitten
As a father of 5 (two girls three boys) I've learned gender bias is generally wrong. My oldest two, girl/boy, were pretty typical but the younger three not so much. My youngest daughter collects hot wheels just like her brothers even if most of them are pink or purple. However she's the first to be in the mud, on the tractor or under the hood of a car with me- Usually asking me to paint a car pink or purple. She's her mother's princess - but she also seeks opportunity on any challenge, any day, and doesn't see the world as pink or blue.
My second son loves Unicorns and pink. My youngest son loves dance class which is 95% female and started his Littlest Pet Shop fascination this year.
Today's chore is to haul firewood from the big stack to the smaller porch stack. Usually about a Rick of wood when we re-stack closer to home in prep for storms later this week. I've got $20 says she earns it alone first before her other two male siblings charged with the task this afternoon... before her double dance classes tonight.
These kids earn cash for every "extra" non-daily chore around here and she earns 7/1 to her brothers on tasks some who consider outside of normal gender bias all the time. 12 yr old wants a new video game and here she is "I could buy it but..."
She's 10, Tiny, Blonde Barbie/Cheerleader, almost flighty at first impression fun loving 1000% typical A-Crowd girl in school but she'd change a college boys tire on the side of a highway faster than he can call Road Service.
It helps to pay attention to what your kids love regardless of gender. I'm old, I don't want to stack firewood anymore LOL.
Hormones
We can be angry without it being hormones.
Honestly, as a guy, I will NEVER treat any emotion or opinion as, "She's just hormonal"
You deal with everything with sincerity and reason, because anything else demeans the person you're talking to. It is the other person's responsibility to identify when they are being unreasonable and "just hormonal", if that is indeed the case, and let you know how severe this issue is.
I don't know if this has a word for it, but in the legal-world, this is called 'negotiating in good-faith'.
The Boy You Wanted
That I'm not a boy, and it hurts immensely when you spend more time with the neighbor's son than you own daughter because I'm not the boy you wanted.
I just wanted healthy kids.. and I got that. Now, i did make them do Ninja Warrior stuff and we played war with water guns, so I got to play as well. My youngest likes dolls, so i show her some cool WWE moves with them.
Raise Her Strong
Tell her she's strong and raise her to be it, treat her like she's the strongest person you've ever met. It will make her believe it, and there's no better way you could protect her from the world, when you're not around, than by making her believe in herself. Nothing meant more to me than the day my dad, the strongest man I know, said he admired my strength.
Accept It
Accept the fact that your daughter will eventually need OBGYN visits, birth control, and will participate in dating and sex at some point. You don't have to be happy about it but please don't shame me or make me feel ashamed that I enjoy being human. I have to leave the room or wait for dad to leave in order to call my OBGYN office and I'm 23 years old.
See, as a dad to a little girl, it's just hard to accept that all of that will happen. Not because of "norms" or sanctity or some antiquated way of thinking - it's just that they're all signs that my little girl isn't so little anymore.
For most dads, it's just hard to accept - not something we willingly fight, but something we willingly don't want to admit to ourselves. Sure there are others that have very antiquated ways of thinking but not all - hell, not the majority.
I dreaded the day my daughter (six years old now) would tell me she had a crush at school, and I jokingly acted like I was not happy at first, but I let her know immediately after that having a crush is normal and acceptable.
I dread the day that she has her first period, but I know I'll start packing pads in her backpack when she turns 10 just in case it happens when she's in school.
I dread the day I have to take her to an OBGYN or fill a script for birth control for her, but I know that day will come. Same as the day she tells me she's sexually active. But I know the one thing I have to do is accept it, as hard as it is when that day comes - because I know as hard as it is for me, it's doubly hard and embarrassing for her.
But if there is anything threads like these that pop up every so often have taught me, is that communication is key - and having open lines of communication with her, where nothing is off limits, will allow her to have a better life and make better life choices (where she can learn from my and my wife's mistakes and observation (wisdom?) without having to make the same mistakes herself).
So for all the fellow dads out there - don't be afraid to communicate with your princesses. And for all the princesses out there, don't be afraid to communicate with your dads - these things are new to us too, and we're always going to be afraid of accepting the fact that the little girl we held in our arms for years is growing up.
- Jsanc623
Some Vagina To Guard
I'm jealous of all that time and money you spent on my brother and getting to know him as a person. I wish you'd just treat me like a person, not some vagina you felt the need to creepily guard until I got married.
- Zombombaby
Fathers have a strong instinct to protect the family, especially the women. It's just something you can never truly understand as a woman.
We Notice
That we notice when he would do some semi-creepy things like stare women down on the street (he was married to my mom for 40 years.) I wish he knew how I internalized a whole bunch of stuff from it. It was creepy on a general level...but to do it in front of your daughter like she doesn't see you just made it worse. Maybe that's lame, but it is genuine.
- durachok
Brushing Hair
How to brush hair. When I was little I remember crying every morning before school because my dad would just take the brush and practically rip my scalp off. All he would say was "sorry I don't know how to do girl hair"..ouch.
What's the secret. [6 and 3 yr old girls] Lol. I've tried wet brushes. Detangles. Best I can do is hold it and brush is small sections. About 2 more days away from going and grabbing one of those toy hair dressing heads for practice.
- DJToca
Periods Can Be Bad
GiphyHow bad periods can be.
My dad thinks that a period is all about blood, but never understands that I go through an awful pain while on my period.
- mehgrill
I learned this from my first girl friend (16) and she was blowing chunks in my bathroom sink. I asked what the hell was wrong, and she explained to me her period started. I was blown the away. I ended up going to the store to get Mydol which I learned came in several different types and I bought them all. I don't recall if I had to buy pads, but since we're married now I have done so. Having an older sister who I was close with I knew it caused problems, but I was not aware of the extreme levels of pain that can occur.
Because You're Family
I love my dad, he's really great, but I wish he hadn't compared my relationship with my brother to his relationship with his own brothers. It's awesome that my dad and his brothers got along, but my brother bullied me relentlessly, and having my dad constantly telling us that we were supposed to get along because we were family made me think that something was wrong with me.
This List
Kids aren't action figures. You don't get to mold them to be whatever you want them to be, and you don't get to vicariously live your fantasies through them.
PMS is a real thing that affects some women, but it only occurs for a few days at a very specific point in the menstrual cycle and it's more likely to produce feelings of fatigue/depression/anxiety than feelings of anger/irritability. When you blame all female emotions on PMS, it's both scientifically inaccurate and tremendously invalidating.
Pay attention to the media your kid consumes, and don't dismiss or ridicule girl-oriented media. Girls crave female role models, so make sure your daughter gets exposed to female characters in something other than love interest/princess/celebrity/caretaker roles. Seek out media where female characters are problem solvers, adventurers, and leaders.
Don't act like feminine things are shameful or boring. Don't be the dad who stays out in his car during his daughter's ballet class because sitting with the dance moms is too embarrassing. Don't be the dad who refuses to buy pads/tampons at the grocery store. Don't be the dad who says that women's sports are low action. Don't be the dad who lavishes time and attention on sons while ignoring daughters. Kids are smarter than you think, and they pick up on stuff like that.
F*ck that sh*t. I was in there every week, every single week. I hemmed recital dresses, did hair, etc etc etc. I'd do it again tomorrow. This whole thread is so frustrating to read...no wonder women are always feeling less than enough and second guessing everything. Sorry for the rant but every single person who has posted at feeling less than good enough, I'm sorry for you that your father wasn't up to the job.
Hair Ties
Not to use plain rubber bands as hair ties. F*ck that hurt!
Ouch... As a guy with mid-back hair I don't even like the hair ties with the metal bit in them as they catch in my hair.. Rubber bands are... Umm.. No....
Can't Control It
That we cannot control our periods.
I came home from school when I was ten with one of those fevers from the flu where all you do is sleep someone has to wake you up to remind you to eat and drink and use the bathroom.
Well all of this was about 3 months after having my first period and most women at least, I'm sure a few men might too, know how irregular they can be during that. Well while I was asleep I started. And (TMI WARNING but it is important to the story) I tend to bleed somewhere in the Oh My-God-I've-Been-Shot range. Now I wasn't expecting to start obviously so I had no pad on or anything. I'd been asleep for a couple of hours Dad woke me up to give me some more meds and I got up to use the bathroom, in there I quickly realized that I had started as most of the crotch area of my jeans was soaked in blood. A few seconds after that dad started yelling at me from the living room. About half the blue couch cushion is now dark purple.
I can barely stand I'm already very sick and now I'm crying, so he makes me change pants get in the truck drives me to the country store down the road and go in and buy myself pads or tampons. He doesn't want to go buy them because he thinks they are gross and he doesn't want to even be seen accompanying his daughter to buy them.
Now I'm ten, I have no idea what I'm supposed to really buy because I've only had 2 periods at this point and I'd just been using moms pads from home. But we were out of them at home and she went a couple towns over for groceries and other things. I don't have a phone to call her I'm crying I'm bleeding through the second set of pants and I feel so weak I'm holding on to the shelf to stay up. Thankfully a really nice lady who worked there helped me and helped me back to the truck.
He was yelling at me the whole time saying if I was going to start I should have been more prepared and put a pad on or used a tampon or something. How I should have known better than to bleed on the couch and how I should have gotten up and used the bathroom when I felt the bleeding. Mom got home and absolutely tore him a new one and gave him some menstruation knowledge while she was at it.
You found me! Let me know here.
When studying or learning about different countries and cultures, many Americans find themselves fascinated and/or perplexed by some of their customs and traditions.
Up to and including Canada having their Thanksgiving celebrations in October, Guy Fawkes night in England, or spitting on the bride for good luck at Greek weddings.
Many of these same Americans who scoff at the very idea of these customs might not stop to think that the tables can be easily turned, and visitors from abroad often find themselves in an equal state of confusion at some of our customs and traditions.
Redditor thunderpower1999 was eager to hear which American customs foreigners found to be the most baffling, leading them to ask:
"Non- Americans, what is an American custom that you find unusual or odd?"
The Only Thing More Ridiculous, Are Most Of The Candidats
"I find the length of your election campaigns so crazy."- Olivia123321
Presidential elections seem to be some sort of two year affair. It's out of control.
Most Meteorologists Would Agree
"My friend from India once asked me (an American) to explain Groundhog Day to her."
"I had no explanation- it’s just weird."- marmosetohmarmoset
Groundhog Day Winter GIFGiphySlowly Becoming Extinct Though...
"The waiter taking your card away to pay."- Vlakob
Trick Or Treat!
"I’ll never forget when a college schoolmate from China asked me 'is it true that you have a holiday where children dress up and go around asking for candy?'"
"I had never thought about it before but all I could say was 'yes, I guess we do…'"- EverLong0
They Think That's Strange, Ask Them What They Think About Our Health Care System...
"The Canadians I worked with in the oilfield were blown away by all of the television commercials for medicines."- rufneck-420
Happy Mental Health GIF by Jimmy ArcaGiphyGobble Gobble!
"Pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving."
"Cracks me up every time, and I've lived here 20 years now!"- sandithepirate
Strange Isn't Always Bad
"Let me pull the Uno reverse card on this."
"I am an immigrant, living in the US for a very long time."
"Getting your leftovers to go at the restaurants was a surprise to me."
"But my reaction was, 'yeah, why is that not the norm?'"
"Rather than “Americans are strange'."- BobTheInept
When You Think You Have Exact Change...
"Not including tax in the price tag."- klc81
The Simpsons Animation GIF by FOX TVGiphySo Much For Camaraderie...
"The obsession with college sports…and in some places even high school or middle school!"
"I just came back from a work trip to Texas and one of my colleagues told me the football stadium for his daughter’s middle school held 20,000 people!"- Speedbird223
Valuing Children? The Very Thought!
"That new parents, especially fathers, are expected to show up to work within days of having a newborn."- kellygrrrl328
How Long Have You Got?
"Some things I found strange in America:"
"Lack of recycling bins everywhere."
"That homeless people have tents everywhere like streets (Washington really surprised me)."
"Ice filled to the brim of the cup."
"Anything and everything having a tipping option."
"Tipping in general."
"Tax not included in the price."
"Massive lawyer billboards on every highway."- effypom
The Office Yes GIFGiphyCivic Duty, But No Civic Holiday.
You have holidays for everything but a day off for election is too much
Just Plain Gross
"Child beauty pageants."
"Just stop it."- LoadedGull
It should be said that most Americans are equally confused, if not downright horrified, by many of the abovementioned customs.
Which begs the question, what keeps us living here?
Perhaps Americans desire to stay put, in spite of a heavily flawed electoral process, a convoluted healthcare system, and winter being dictated by a groundhog's shadow is the strangest American custom of them all...
Who among us hasn't wondered about how our rich buddies have made their fortunes?
Some people work really hard actually.
They're in an office or in the field all day and night.
They have their noses to the grind.
And yes some people just collect an inheritance.
That's ok too, but how do you make it bigger?
Redditor h3llofaRide wanted to hear about how the rich make a living, so they asked:
"What does the wealthiest person you know do for work?"
My rich friends are all investment people.
They know when to buy and sell.
It's a gift.
Fancy Services
Coding Looney Tunes GIF by Looney Tunes World of MayhemGiphy"The wealthiest person I know (and hang out with regularly) built a company (IT services) and then sold it for several hundred million dollars."
"He now runs a company that does the same kind of IT services in a different field. (He figured out a winning business formula and is just repeating it in a different market)."
omniumoptimus
Name It
"A family friend retired after being a COBOL programmer for 30 years. About 2 years after his retirement, a company came to him and said 'Name your salary' and he requested around $1.5 million/year. He was hired on the spot and still works there."
bbbbbthatsfivebees
"A family member worked at various companies, he told me this is very common. It's not obscure programming languages, just that they know what's going on. And don't let anyone else near it or something."
chabybaloo
Oink Oink
"Pig farmer. I kid you not. He's my father's old friend. I visited him once when my father and I were passing through the state. He lives in a modest classic farmhouse with his wife, both in their seventies. I mentioned I was starting a school in West Africa as we were catching up."
"A few weeks later I got a text asking how much it would cost. I told him 40k, thinking it was really nice of him if he wanted to send a few dollars."
"I got a check for 40k. I thought it would take me years to raise that. I'm typing this from Sierra Leone because he also paid for the house I thought would take years to raise funds for."
LadyCordeliaStuart
That Dude
"It's a guy I work with. He started with one Jimmy John's franchise and turned it into 10 franchises. Ran them for 10 years then sold them all and dumped the money into the stock market and real estate. He did this all while working as an airline pilot, currently still working at the airline. This dude owns and flies his own private jet on top of all that."
OT-35
Every day...
Proliferate Charlie Chaplin GIF by nounish ⌐◨-◨Giphy"Inherited a small factory from his father. Developed it into a huge nationwide company. Still goes to work there everyday despite being worth hundreds of millions."
ShipJust
Factory work. That is where so much greatness begins.
On the Road
Happy Go Crazy GIF by DAF Trucks NVGiphy"Truck driver. Starting his own trucking company."
Apprehensive-Crow-96
"Tons of money in the trucking business. An owner of one in my city drives a Porsche 918."
ForgottenPercentage
In the End
"Own their own conveyor belt business. Makes almost 2 mil a year after it’s all said and done."
TakeMe_To_Eisengard
"I was a control systems engineer who started contracting on the side. Now I build out crazy manufacturing systems like this. All it takes is getting one project to build a conveyor system and if you end up good at it then boom, you build conveyor systems for the rest of your life. Conveyor systems are actually really expensive and complex in the manufacturing world."
PleasantProgram7572
Life-Changing
"Both in tech. A friend is in a company about to IPO and is VP level so will do well there. Her husband just sold his company (gaming company) to the biggest gaming company in China for, as she put it 'life-changing money.' Both are very intelligent, super nice, and crazy hard-working. They worked for it, and it couldn't happen to nicer people."
BonePGH
The Little Things
"I was a fly fishing guide for many years, and one of my regular clients year after year owned a factory on the East Coast that is one of the top suppliers of O-rings and small plastic machine parts in the world. I never asked how much they made obviously out of respect. But they always tipped absurd amounts ($1500 was my biggest tip for 3 days) they flew private and drank and shared $600 bottles of wine like they were nothing."
The_Kinetic_Esthetic
Let's Play
gamer GIF by TotorialGiphy"He's the founder and CEO of a very successful games company. I met him over a decade ago when the company was successful but nowhere near what it is now. He's also one of the most approachable and friendly people I've ever met, to the extent that it sometimes feels like an act."
Lauantaina
Games and gaming.
Who knew?
Can I count all of my hours of Nintendo for tax exemptions?