Have you ever looked around at your life and suddenly wondered "Holy crap, what did I get myself into?" Most of us had that moment about a friends-with-benefits situation that got a little too comfortable, or that math class you totally weren't ready to take ... then there are these people.
Reddit user jhossuah asked:
People who were part of a cult, when did guy realize "oh, I'm in a cult"?
These folks all came to the realization that were in WAY over their heads. For some it was a literal religious cult, for other people the "cult" took other forms. For at least one person the cult took some weird left turn and ended up with people "writhing" together to the Prince Of Egypt soundtrack.
No, we're not joking.
Things are about to get weird, real weird - the kind of weird that only happens when you start talking about cults. Essentially, we're telling you to brace for a hard-hitting awesome/awful combo pack.
Standing Ovation
GiphyWhen I went to some Scientology event was told I would really enjoy and there's a standing ovation for the founder literally every 5 minutes.
The Evil Other
When they said,"Don't hangout with non-Jehova's Witness people, they are evil." I was in that organization for a long time I was clueless about everything.
I hope it falls down one day.
Middle Aged Ladies In Tie Dye
When I was 17-18 my friends and I (guys and girls) were big hippie stoners, and we would go to this active meditation dance event with the hippie crowd in our city. Then this one time we attended a "private event" called an "intensive" where all these new-agers kind of broke us down and got us to talk a lot about our sexuality and everybody was crying and whatnot.
I left feeling like "that was weird" and then a few kids in my crew went to another one. They reported that it was different in that there were more adults, everybody wore all white, and that at one point they rolled out a TV with a video of Sri Bagavan Osho Rajneesh talking. They were long dead by then, and everyone started yelling, "we love you Osho!!! We love you!"
At that point I was like yeah, probably weird that I'd been spending so much time with middle age ladies in tie dye tights trying to bang me. Taught me how to like dancing, though.
- TerH2
No Photography
I was a part of Sogga Gokkai International, they never really followed Buddhist philosophy, and were quite materialistic. I realized it was a cult when we were to all watch a video from our "president " and we were not allowed to record it or film anything. That's when I realized I was in a cult. Look them up.
Amway Strikes Again
I accepted an invitation to a seminar at the local convention center to learn about how to add some financial stability to my life. It was an Amway recruitment meeting. And I was very ashamed because this was the second time in my life that I got tricked into attending an Amway recruitment meeting. There were obvious ringers in the crowd, even though everyone sitting were supposedly newcomers. I could identify the ringers by their irrationally enthusiastic clapping, and by their frequent use of Amway GlisterMint (tm) Refresher Spray.
- panzan
The Whole Shin-Dig
Grew up Mormon. Did the whole shin-dig:
-Mormon missionary
-Married in the HOLY temple
-Only dated members
-Went to BYU
-Had kids immediately to fulfill my holy gender and didn't finish my career at the behest of church leaders telling me that motherhood is the "holiest calling on earth."
Then when I was around 28 yrs old I found a video about polyandry (men marrying already married women) and I was taken aback. It got me to actually research my religion for the first time.
That was a bomb to my faith and I spent hours upon hours reading the history of the "Spaceballs of Christianity." Basically, I found out the church was founded on pedophilia and adultery.
Left the church. Took my kids out. Marriage suffered a lot and luckily my husband ended up doing his own research and he left as well.
We lost all our friends, community and it destroyed our business that was dependent on other members since we live in Utah. Where we live, it's 80% Mormon and we endured a lot of slander and harassment, even from our own families. It's been hell but it's heaven on the other side.
But let me tell you that it was a learning curve to see how to navigate life outside the cult. I had to learn to order coffee. I had to spend a few hours shopping for clothes since I didn't know my own style out of "Holy underwear." My political views changed 180 and we are now fully tattooed, raising our kids to be unique individuals and made friends with those that love us for us. Marriage was suffering and dying when in the church and we managed to recover and start anew. I'd like to renew our vows since we were robbed of a real ceremony.
You follow a strict list of rules your entire life and then you leave. You discover yourself outside the cult propaganda of who they tell you to be. Living life now is a deep breathe of fresh air.
100 Rounds With Rocky
GiphyI was at the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and they told everyone to stand up like usual at the beginning of a show, and they said "anyone who has seen the show 100 times, sit down," and I did, and that's when I knew I was in a cult.
Owned By The School
I recently enrolled at a "private school" which ended up being more of an elitist cult than a school. We were given an orientation lecture and had to listen to the dean speak. I knew it was a cult or cult-like when the dean said to us,
"When someone asks you who you are, say to them... I come from (school name), I am (school name), (School name) is me."
and then he said "say it with me,"
And then we had to repeat his words saying that our school was our identity. When utilizing career services, we also were required to include the school's logo on the top of our resumé, as if they owned us or something.
Wow, They Really Liked That Soundtrack
I didn't realize I was in a cult until years after I left. I was heavily involved for about a year from ages 15 to 16. The group claimed to be an offshoot of a local Assemblies of God church, but they had no oversight from the church as far as I could tell. The offshoot itself was called "Revive", which sounded innocent enough to me, and there was no literal attempt to raise the dead.
I'm almost certain the group disbanded after a few years, especially since the AoG church vacated town too.
My parents stopped me from attending their cult meetings when they realized that one of our practices was akin to a clothed orgy, not even knowing that weirder things were afoot.
Practices of the cult:
- The aforementioned "clothed orgy" - where we would stand or crouch together, sometimes in a "human furniture" type position, and writhe against each other to the Prince of Egypt soundtrack
- A "new bible", that didn't include too much blasphemous content, but contained such gems as "why God never intended for us to have fun"
- To prove our collective devotion to God, some members would voluntarily "sacrifice" their comfort in the form of setting their clothes on fire or making themselves vomit
- Glossolalia, hypnotism, and the occasional bit of physical violence (i.e. wrestling someone to the ground) when the hypnotism didn't work
- Exhortation from the adults involved that we were not to tell our parents about what was happening
Why I stayed in the cult:
- Peer pressure, mostly
- A huge crush on one of the auxiliary youth pastors, a man who now runs a polyamorous "intentional community"
- It honestly didn't feel too different from the various fundie churches I'd been carted around to as a kid
The Cult Of AA
AA can be pretty culty depending on the meetings you go to.
I went to one meeting regularly where they didn't want me to interact with anyone outside the program. They also wanted me to devote all my free time to AA by doing service commitments and going to multiple meetings a day. They also told me to use the program as my higher power if I couldn't find my own conception of a higher power.
I thought it was weird to think of the program as basically being God.
Everyone also wanted to know my life story down to the nitty gritty details, and I would get criticized if I didn't want to share something. I ended up feeling worse about myself as a person because I constantly had to re-live all the bad stuff I had done.
I ended up leaving AA and going to different recovery group that was a lot more relaxed. I have nothing against AA as a whole, it has helped millions of people. Also like I said, it depends on the meeting, but the one I was going to seemed a lot like a cult and it made me not want any part of the program.
- Deezax19
When Jesus Buys A Jet
I was briefly in a "prosperity gospel" cult.
I was at a really low place in my life, gnarly alcoholism, and everyone was SO kind! Everyone was my brother, sister, aunt; they always bought me lunch after church!
The "bishop" who was in charge was not actually a bishop, he just called himself that. he started his own church after the old one asked him to leave when he got his side chick pregnant. There was all the theatrics of a black church- people fainting from the holy ghost, him anointing/healing people, etc. all of the services were recorded and streamed on his subscription website. he briefly had a show on Oxygen.
There came a point where I was going to Bible study Tuesday & Wednesday night and two (4 hr each) services on Sunday.
The church was in an unfinished warehouse in South Central LA, bathrooms were Porta potties outside. Everyone I saw was putting at least $20-50 in the envelope every time AND most were tithing. I started putting $1 in envelopes beforehand so they didn't guilt me. A lot of them didn't even have money to take the bus (he very kindly gave out tokens). He has 5 bodyguards, a Jaguar, and a Maserati.
I thought there was something really fishy about that! A woman told me I had to get rid of a Buddha keychain or God wouldn't love me. The absolute last straw for me was when the "bishop" got a private jet for his birthday. I asked who it was from and they were adamant that Jesus Christ bought it for him. No one could grasp the concept that it is all a HUGE scam!
Gaudy Ads Plastered Everywhere
I kind of realized it operated like a business. You can't advance if you don't shell out cash. We constant meet so the clergy can beg for money. We have gaudy ads plastered everywhere. Most churches don't operate like this. I slowly dissociated myself from the cult after that.
Yoga, Anorexia and Piercings - Oh My...
GiphyI was really into yoga during the summer of 8th grade. I tried a bunch of classes but none of them were a good fit, so instead I started going to this very weird yoga studio sort of far into the suburbs, because I was very weird. There was always just one big group class going on and everyone knew each other. Everyone was older than me but they treated me like an adult so that was cool. I started going to class every single day and eventually they were inviting me to these after-hours (like 7pm) parties they'd have. There was no alcohol or dancing or anything, we'd just sit around listening to the guy that owned the studio talking. He just read passages from different new-agey faux Buddhist books and go off on long tangents in the middle of sentences. Sometimes he'd pick out a word that he thought "resonated with the room" and had us repeat it over and over, or pass it around the circle. So we'd be saying, "Green, green, green," or "health, health, health," or "awesome, awesome, awesome," over and over again.
They also had really shitty food. It reminded me of the oily food my family would make for Hanukkah, but really gross and "healthy". The leader's girlfriend told me that when she first joined she always made an effort only to eat food when she was with the leader. That got into my head, so I stopped eating at home and only ever ate the awful food at the studio when he was around. At one point I was there almost eight hours a day. (My parents thought that I was just with friends or swimming at the YWCA, probably because that's what I told them I was doing.) I watched the group turn more and more cult-like before my eyes. No one ever tried to touch me or anything, but some of the other members would do these "couples yoga" things in front of me, and when I told the leader I was uncomfortable, he got super mad and threatened to kick me out. I was scared because I thought that the studio was the only place I had friends, so I apologized and never said another word against him. We started wearing matching necklaces and earrings, and one of the other members pierced my tongue so I could wear her old ring while she was on vacation. (Gross.)
I came home and my mom saw it and she was like, "What in the hell have you been doing?" And I tried lying to her because I was embarrassed at how creepy the yoga classes had gotten and how stupid I had been for staying that long. That's actually when I realized I was in a kinda-cult, when I saw how disturbed she was by the things I told her. Obviously she made sure I never went back there. My parents were actually really compassionate and nice, but I still ended up with an eating disorder and mild agoraphobia, which I can partly attribute to my time at the yoga studio.
But I can also do a hand-stand and I'm hella flexible, so at least something good came out of it all.
In the end, I was only going there for a couple months. I'm not sure if it even qualified as a cult. I don't think they were doing anything illegal. It's not as if I was brainwashed, I was just immersed in a really weird, unnerving environment for a brief period during those formative years.
Soooo that's my cult story. Not very interesting. I think I'm gonna start telling more people about it though, because it felt pretty good getting it out.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
get out GIFGiphyIt's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
of montreal dancing GIF by Polyvinyl RecordsGiphyEveryone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
Shocked Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
Frosty The Snowman Winter GIF by filmeditorGiphy"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
Blown Away Wow GIF by AminéGiphy"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
Tell Me More To Do List GIF by Disney ChannelGiphy"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.