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People Share Their Creepiest Haunted House Stories

People Share Their Creepiest Haunted House Stories
Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

I hate haunted houses. I've even skipped the Haunted House ride in Disney World.

Our homes are suppose to be sanctuaries. Not some afterlife hot spot for spirits run amok.

You wanna haunt a place in afterlife, find a nice cemetery. Or at least chase down the people who did you wrong when you were here.

Leave me and my little space alone. I have enough issues with living, breathing psychos.

I am not a bump in the night person. I already have enough issues falling asleep, so I will not be living in or visiting any haunted places. And if I find out it is a spiritual vortex, I'm out!

Redditor u/scarymovie77 wanted to hear about real estate that leaves people unnerved, by asking:

What is your "my house is haunted" story?

Maybe it's PTSD. When I was a kid, there was a haunted house across the street from my apartment in Queens. Some murder had taken place there so of course nobody would buy it. And the owners let it fall into decay...

Bless Me Father

max von sydow priest GIF Giphy

"A pastor died of a heart attack in the house I grew up in (before we owned it)."

"When I was a baby, I was sick with Croup. Apparently in the night I was having trouble breathing and was beginning to suffocate. The ceiling light fixture in my nursery fell out of the ceiling and smashed on the floor, waking my parents who found me choking. Parents are absolutely convinced the pastor's ghost had intervened and saved my life."

- Mekrikulous

"shave and a haircut"

"When I was little, I had a loft bed with a desk underneath. I've always been a pretty heavy sleeper, I could fall asleep at a concert, so it was strange when I began waking up at 3 in the morning every morning. What was even more strange were the noises coming from the attic. Shuffling, knocking, boxes moving. My 9 year old brain rationalized it as an animal or bird that had gotten in."

"After a few weeks of crap sleep, I decided to knock back on my ceiling the "shave and a haircut" pattern because I was bored and hadn't interacted with whatever was in the attic. I waited in silence for a few minutes until I was about to fall back asleep, and then I heard it. From the ceiling a foot from my face, it knocked back the pattern. Every night when I woke up, I'd knock and sometimes get a response."

"It gradually stopped over the years but I still wake up at 3 am every night. It's weird but it only happens in my room, I sleep fine in hotels and other houses. 13 years later and I've just been getting weird vibes around my house. I feel like I'm being watched. I sometimes hear someone saying my name, most notably before bed and whatever said it is VERY close to my ear. I can feel their breath as they whisper, and it freaks me out so much that it takes hours to get back to sleep."

"The shuffling in the attic also started up again but I don't want to knock back anymore. There's a lot of weird sh*t that happens, things get moved, my dogs and cat stare at the same blank spot, but these are just what's been currently happening. I just don't know what to do anymore."

- almost_a_person

"don't be scared'

"I was a kid outside playing in the middle of the day. We lived in a 2-story apartment complex and I was located underneath a set of stairs and between two apartments so the air was very calm. My childhood friend and my sis were a bit farther from me by a locked storage room and my friend stopped and swore she saw the doorknob move. The door was usually open if it was in use but it was locked shut."

"They both stood there staring at the doorknob trying to see if it moved again but I was spooked and turned around to book it when halfway through my turn, a whisper in my ear stopped me in my tracks. It was the voice of a young girl. I stood there listening to her and I could feel her breath tickling my ear."

"I don't recall much but I do remember that she said "don't be scared." I think the gist was that she was trying to be encouraging. After she was done I turned around to see who was talking to me but no one was there. I was completely surprised to see that there was no girl so I finally booked it out of there lol."

- sumichica

"AWEEEE"

"My house is super haunted, but its too many little instances to put into one story. I guess I'll just go with the most recent one. A few nights ago I heard running upstairs, despite being home alone. I thought it was my cat, but then he came downstairs, and the running continued. I was a little spooked, but its not the worst thing that's happened in this house. The running lasted for quite a while, plus a few knocks."

"The next morning I was cleaning upstairs in that room and my cat crawled into a box of fabric. I thought he was being cute so I said "AWEEEE" and started to pull out my phone to take a picture. While I was still reaching for my phone, I heard a mocking "AWEEE" right behind me. I completely froze and just let myself process it for a few seconds before checking the room. Obviously I was still alone. That one spooked me a little."

- ghostthingz

People Share The Craziest Lies They've Told That Came True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Spinning

Librarian Ghost GIF by Ghostbusters Giphy

"When I was younger I set up the camera on my PSP to spy on my brother, later on, I watched the video just to see the office chair spinning around on its own, wish I was joking."

- Mosey04

And the neighborhood kids, we were all idiots who thought it would be fun to take turns daring one another to go inside, at night. If you didn't go in, you were ridiculed and laughed at. I should've said go ahead laugh, I don't care, I'm not going in. But I didn't say that...

Carl's House

Horror Reaction GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

"My friend Carl's last apartment had 2 ghosts. One was a little girl who would play with your hair while you were hanging out in the living room as well as running along the vertical blinds making them swing back and forth. The second I never saw or heard but I did feel him. One night, I locked myself out of my apartment (we lived in the same complex one building over from each other) so I asked to crash Carl's place for the night while he went to work."

"But he had told me don't go in to his room. There is a male ghost who will tell you that you don't belong in there. His previous roommate had let several friends crash his room and a tall black shadow opened the door and said get out to all of them. Freaked them the hell out. So here I am on the couch in the living room. Head on the end of the couch that looks down the hall to the bedrooms and bathroom. I swear I was being watched. Then it hit me. I needed to pee. And the bathroom is right across the hall from Carl's bedroom. Fan. Tastic."

"So I slowly creep down the hall and about 5 feet from my goal I said hey man I just need to use the bathroom. Then it felt like a cloud of energy got pulled back into the bedroom despite the door being closed. So I did my thing and hauled @ss back to the couch but I put my head on the other end of the couch. Nothing outstanding but just a really creepy vibe. On the positive side at least Carl had someone looking out for him."

- SouthPaw7896

On Camera

"I connected a webcam to my computer way back when I was a kid. Middle of the night the camera was trained in the hallway. All of a sudden hallway lights flicker on and you see a dark figure run into my brothers room. 30 minutes later you see my brother walk down the hallway himself going towards his room. He had been playing on the family desktop all night. Really freaked me out in the morning when we reviewed I'm the footage. I believe it's still saved to the laptop not that I know where it is lol."

- throwawayyyayahah112

finally morning...

"I used to live in a basement apartment when I was in grad school. The landlady lived in the main house and while she herself was super nice and cool, her house always felt really off to me. However, she charged a reasonable amount of rent and I was only 2 miles from school. About a week or two after I moved in, I had gone to bed and the apartment was pitch black at night."

"If my landlady ever wanted to speak to me, I would hear the doors above the stairs unlock and she would call out to me. One night, I heard movement on the steps but I didn't hear her unlock the doors and it was probably 2 in the morning. She certainly didn't call me saying she needed to talk to me."

"I hear these heavy steps descending the stairs but I'm so scared that I shrink further in my bed to hide. The floor begins to creak towards my door and then nothing for a few seconds. I'm not sure if it is safe to relax and go back to bed. Then I hear the door knob start to turn. My fear makes me so scared that I pull the covers over my head to hide."

"I prayed the whole time under the covers. The next thing I know it's finally morning. I stayed in that apartment for two years. When it was my graduation, I slept in a hotel because there was no room for my family to sleep. That night in the hotel was the first restful sleep I had in what felt like forever."

- juventina11

"fire monster"

"Growing up our house was blessed 3 times before it became... Normal. Stuff would fly off shelves and countertops. The dog would constantly bark at the attic entry as my brother screamed "fire monster." And 1 night it sounded like someone broke in and was stomping down the stairs so my dad got his gun ready... And nothing was there. As a child I would see shadows around but probably had no idea what to think of it. Me and my brother would go to the basement together cause we were both too scared to go alone. Lol."

- Lime-Original

I didn't do it.

Neon Flickering GIF by Samm Henshaw Giphy

"Found random crucifixes on door knobs. We aren't Catholic."

"One morning, my sister woke up and everything that was in the attic was in her bedroom. She had attic access in her bedroom. Mom was shocked, sister was lazy, dad was out of the country. I didn't do it. Explain that."

- CaptainAwesome06

Didn't hear a door open...

"My parents bought a (at this point) 110 year old house about 10 years ago and it feels everybody but me has had a paranormal experience in the house. My parents said they've seen a short, kinda chubby ginger kid appear at random spots in the house. Sometimes just standing in the washer/dryer room and vanishing, sometimes they'd see him at the top of the stairs and he'd walk towards my room (hooray) and disappear. Eventually, my parents were tired of it so they had my grandfather (very Christian guy) come and bless the house, and the appearances stopped."

"My brother has talked about staying up late and night and hearing someone walk up the stairs (they're very old so they are VERY squeaky), walk to his closed door, jiggle the door knob (original doors, so there was a quarter turn of play in the knobs) a bunch, stop, and walk back down the steps and stop. Didn't hear a door open or close, they just stopped at the bottom of the steps."

"My mom has also described seeing something peek out from around corners at her as she's sitting watching TV at night, she thinks it's probably just her slowly falling asleep and seeing things, but is still unsettling for her. There was a period of time where the mudroom door would kinda flex randomly like a change of air pressure. This usually happens whenever someone opens an outside door and closes it, but nobody ever was near a door, or the doors were locked."

"Probably just some weird phenomena caused by an old house, but still creepy. And yet here I am, who probably spent the most time up and alone in the middle of the night in that house, not seeing or hearing anything that wasn't explainable from night terrors and sleep paralysis (which I've always had, at multiple houses)."

- FoxxyPantz

I didn't flinch or look over...

"I lived in this big pre-war building in NYC and every night after I put my daughter to sleep in her room, I would lay in my bed and watch tv. The way my bed was angled I could see a sliver of the hallway out of the corner of my eye. I would always see this tall shadow pass by the door and it would jar me! I would always look over but see nothing after that. After a few years, I got so used to it- I didn't even flinch anymore."

"In fact, I had honestly started to believe I just had some sort of vision problem that caused me to see the shadow in my peripheral vision. Eventually we moved out but a week before we did- my daughter and I were just hanging out on my bed one night watching tv. All our boxes were pretty much packed, the whole apartment was ready to go. I was laying on my bed in my usual spot and my daughter was laying at the foot of the bed playing with her dolls."

"Again, my vision problem acted up and I saw the shadow out of the corner of my eye. I didn't flinch or look over, I hadn't in years- I was so used to it. But all the sudden my 8 year old child goes "Who was that?" Hoe. Lee. Heck. I jumped up out of the bed. "You saw that?!?!!!"

- meowatthemoons

"raccoons in the attic"

"Moved into a new apartment about a year ago, and shortly thereafter, I heard kids stomping around on the floor above. "Oh great," I thought, "noisy upstairs neighbors." And then it hit me: I don't HAVE upstairs neighbors. Or downstairs neighbors. The whole joint is mine from ground to roof. Some friends suggested that maybe I have raccoons or other critters in the attic, but I've had those before, they don't sound anything like that..."

"And a week or two later, the "raccoons in the attic" were vacuuming the carpets. Must be g-g-g-ghosts! Actually, what it is is some bizarre architectural quirk that makes stomping around on the floors next door propagate horizontally and sound like they're coming from over my head. Been living in apartments since 1978, have never experienced this kinda thing before."

- DrColdReality

"I'm home"

"We knew a guy named Mr. Weltzheimer had died in our house, and when anything weird would happen—things falling off shelves or foreign coins appearing on the stairs—we'd joke it was him. One day my mom and a neighbor were replacing the toilet in our bathroom, and were busily working away upstairs when my mom heard the door open and close and a deep, booming voice say "I'm home." She thought it was me (at the time, a teenage girl) joking around. But it wasn't. I was over at a friend's house. When she came down to investigate, all she found were the locked front and back doors."

- justamie

Falling

place cockroaches GIF Giphy

"Cockroaches falling out of the ceiling."

- Luxray209

Pinocchio

"I've posted about this before but it wasn't the house it was the freaking Pinocchio puppet. The thing was made of wood and looked like someone tried to convert the Disney version to polygons. The cheeks and all had sharp corners and points. One day the AC was off (it was hung under a fan) and it turned to me and started reaching out. Then the air kicked on and it went limp. We gave it back to the gifter and one of their walls burned down. Never saw it again."

- Abby-N0rma1

No Zoom

"Okay I was in my bedroom at my desk on Zoom for school, and I always keep the door closed so there aren't any distractions. My room has a lot of empty space, especially at the entrance. And my desk chair faces the window so I can't see the rest of my room while at my desk. Well one day I'm on Zoom for my English class and I hear my door stopper go off."

"You know those spring door stoppers on the bottom of the wall behind doors? I turn around and this thing is flicking back and forth, full speed and everything, and mine is pretty stiff too. My door never opened and there was no one else in the room with me. I was scared to do my classes in my room for a whole month but it never happened again."

- bloomedtomb

Giggles

"I was sitting in the living room watching TV with just me and my mom. The hallway had her and my Dad's room at the end. As we're watching we heard someone talking that didn't sound like it came from the TV. We muted it and heard it coming from the bedroom. The TV wasn't on in there. We both cautiously walked towards the bedroom and heard giggling which freaked us the heck out."

"It was coming from the closet which was open but we couldn't see anything in there. There was clearly a child's voice talking but it was... weird. Like words were spoken but they weren't words. It was almost like something the sims where it sounded like words but was not. Thank God it was in her room and not mine!"

- MC_Knight24

Go away Alice!

alice in wonderland GIF Giphy

"We live in an old farmhouse that used to be a boarding house for farm laborers. My four-year-old son was upstairs in his room and my wife could hear him talking to someone. She asked him who he was talking to. He said "Alice. She used to work here and feed the men but she died because she couldn't breathe."

- PutnamPete

In the Yard...

"Moved into a hundred year old house. Anytime I went downstairs while my daughter was napping, I would hear it running through the house, several times I thought it was my cheeky toddler that had woken up. Figured out it only happened when I left her alone upstairs sleeping & firmly believed it was just a small child spirit checking on her. Still creeped me the heck out. Came back upstairs one day & told it how I knew it was worrying about her, and checking in on her but that I would never go further away than the yard."

"That I appreciated that it cared, but it was actually making me really scared. I said that if she was ever in actual danger that I would absolutely appreciate it's help if I didn't realise but otherwise it was only making me worried. I only ever heard those footsteps once more: in the first few days I bought my second baby home from the hospital. I think my little friend was just reminding me that it would watch this baby for me too."

- Maid_of_Mischeif

When I went in, I swear I heard screams. So I screamed and turned to run and fell through the floorboards. That did not go well. I hate haunted houses.

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People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.