Being drunk is never an excuse. But it certainly is the driving force behind most of the dumbest things people have ever done.


When one is drunk, a couple things change. Besides all the physical impairment, some important mental properties give way to an entire new landscape of new and urgent priorities.

Drunk people are unbelievably determined. They will stop at nothing to get what they want. And they want the weirdest, most illogical things.

These drunk stories often involve a journey, a long and convoluted adventure to some end goal that, once achieved, makes no sense and leaves the person only confused and more screwed than they were before.

Doodle_Dragon asked, "What is the stupidest thing you have ever done while drunk?"

So Close

"I was making mini ravioli. I went to the sink to drain out the pasta water but I forgot to put the strainer in the sink, so all of my ravioli just went down the drain like a slip n slide." -- ssseawa

"The first time I made mac and cheese for myself I added the all the ingredients before I drained the water. The second time I made mac and cheese for myself I did the exact same damn thing." -- BandOfDonkeys

Double Vision Sight Seeing

"Caught a train to Budapest from Prague but left my stuff in Prague because i forgot to check out of my hostel..."

"I messaged the hostel on Facebook and asked them to hang on to my stuff. I caught the train back the next day and walked in a bit sheepishly. I didn't own anything worth stealing as id already been robbed in Paris so i was fine apart from a bruised ego."

-- honest-aussie

We'll Never Know if it Worked

"I ordered bubble wrap off Amazon just to see if they would wrap it in more bubble wrap, then promptly forgot that I had done so. Imagine my confusion 5 business days later." -- falconfetus8

"My environmentally conscious friend got drunk and ordered 400 bamboo toothbrushes off Amazon, good times." -- unclear_warfare

"I did the same thing and they sent me a blender." -- GrilledCheesePizza

Disco Dumbness 

"As a bet, I sat bare a** on a searchlight in front of a discotheque. You know the ones that shoot beams of light into the clouds?"

"Yeah. Turns out they get pretty hot. Got 3rd degree burns on my a**. Couldn't sit down for 2 weeks. Had to wear a diaper bandage. Lucky it didn't get my balls."

-- KingFelcroftV

All That Beer and Nobody to Drink it. Time for Another Party.

"Once during an alcohol blackout I left a party to take a 5 hour roundtrip by train from Denmark to the German border to buy more beer since I was about to run out of beer and beer was cheaper in Germany."

"I sobered up on the way home with 3 cases of beer under my seat and a fine for riding the train without a ticket."

"The total cost of getting that beer was twice what it had cost to buy it at home, and of course the party was long over by the time I was home."

-- DeadPendulum

A Good Idea Until it wasn't an Idea Anymore

"I was drunk up on a mountain which was known to have a decent sized population of black bears. Black bears are generally not aggressive and, being drunk, I decided I would go outside to find one to pet."

"After a few minutes of stumbling around outside, I encountered a black bear scavenging in a garbage can. I realized in that moment that I in fact did NOT want to pet a black bear."

-- Brekt_

Ultimate Counter Attack

"While I was on holidays with my mates I was bet €25 that I couldn't balance on the taps at a bar. It didn't end well. I balanced for about 6 seconds then fell into the bar side knocked over a lot of bottles."

"The bartender had an interesting response, he said I could fight him, if I won, I didn't have to pay for all the sh*t I broke, if I lost, I had to pay for all the sh*t I broke and I would be beaten to sh*t."

"I won because I got hit with a solid gut punch and threw up into the bartender's mouth while he was trash talking me. Walked out with a ban from the bar but, didn't have to pay."

-- crappyredux-1

Lost Track of Time

"This particular night, I headed out to the patio for a smoke, and asked a girl for a light. She was by herself, and it was crowded, so I asked if I could join her. We started talking, and we actually hit it off pretty well."

"I finished my drink, and she was close to finishing hers, so I asked the server to bring us each a drink. She gave me another smoke to say thanks, and we continued talking. We talked about work, life, and had amazing chemistry."

"This is the point where my girlfriend came out to the patio to find out what had happened to me for the last hour - to find me in the middle of a date that was going very well until I introduced this new angry girl as my current girlfriend."

"It was at that point she dragged me back in - to the table we were sharing with her parents. Her dad never offered me hard liquor again."

-- The_Town_of_Canada

Tourists

"Went to University of Wisconsin Madison to party on Halloween. It was a 2 hour drive and was drinking on the way. Got there at 5 pm and started chugging Goldschlager and Vodka. Last thing I remember it was 7pm so it was time to go to the house parties. Don't remember anything until 10am the next day when I woke up."

"Apparently I puked in 3 randoms peoples houses, and not in the bathroom. I didn't know any of them. I called and texted my exes that were in town as well, then got super pissed off when they wouldn't meet up with me. I got my best friend jumped by a group of guys. I broke someone's toilet and someone else's door."

"The whole night was stupid and was so embarrassed."

-- WunderXl

A True Competitor

"Joined a hot wing competition out of a dare from my ex-gf, who knows I can't handle spicy/hot foods real well. We were both drunk out of our minds and she promised to do some real dirty stuff in our hotel room later that night if I ended up eating at least 15 wings."

"What was supposed to be a fun filled 4 day weekend ended up being an ER visit and a 3 day stay at the hospital for capsaicin poisoning."

-- going-on-empty

Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "🤐" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.

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