People Confess The Worst Things They've Ever Done While Drunk
Reddit user S4phire34 asked: 'People who have been really drunk, whats the worst thing that you have done?'
It's no secret alcohol lowers inhibitions and sometimes messes with people's self-control.
Since I never saw the appeal of passing out, losing my memories of a party, or waking up in a strange place the next morning with nothing but the clothes on my back, I never drank myself past tipsy. That policy, however, enabled me to bear witness and remember the crazy things my friends did while drunk.
When I was in college, my roommate and I liked to cut across the woods to get to places faster. This was before every smartphone came with a built-in flashlight, and when flashlight apps were basically jokes. In order to get through the woods safely at night, we bought small, powerful flashlights at the start of the year.
We cut across those woods to get to a party one night, and my roommate got extremely drunk. There was an unexpected blackout during the party, so in addition to candles and battery-powered lanterns, my roommate turned on her flashlight. She was so drunk, she thought it was a person and fell in love with it. Every time the light shone on her, the flashlight was telling her it loved her too, but every time it shone on someone else, it was cheating on her.
By the end of the night, she was drunk that she dropped and broke the flashlight, and cried because she thought she killed it. I had to surrepticiously throw her flashlight out and replace it with mine, pretending that it had passed out, but wasn't dead. By the time we got back to our dorm, she broke mine too, but had fallen asleep right after, so there was no more crying.
Looking back, maybe it was a good thing this happened when smartphones didn't have built-in flashlights...
I'm not the only one who has witnessed someone doing something ridiculous when they were drunk. Redditors have both done stupid -- and in some cases, really bad -- things, and seen stupid or really bad things, and are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor S4phire34 asked:
"People who have been really drunk, whats the worst thing that you have done?"
Classic
"Had a Christmas party and there was a different party next door that was having an awards type event, I got up on stage and starting singing Jessie’s Girl. Even to this day I am mortified."
– princesssmurfet
"If it makes you feel any better, at least a handful of people at that awards show probably thought it was hysterical."
– TheMilkmanHathCome
"I was in a bar, thought it was open mic. Went on stage with the band (it wasn’t open mic) and sang ‘Brown eyed Girl.’"
– judgymom
Away From Home
"Fell asleep in the alleyway. It was dumb and dangerous. Friend found me."
– hotoatcereal
"Yup! Slept in a parking garage one time."
– Moneyshot_ITF
Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM
"It was a birthday and my friends brought me a shot for every year."
"Unfortunately I got sick on the side of a major highway in Rochester, NY @ 2:00 in the morning. Even worse I wanted them to leave me there to sleep…did I mention that it was in the middle of winter?? Lucky to be typing this post."
"I lost a lot of self respect and the moral high ground in any substance abuse conversation I will ever have with those friends."
– nytocarolina
Speech!
"Telling my girlfriends mother that i couldn't [sleep with] her daughter that evening cause i was too drunk to get a condom on."
– Various-Ostrich-5664
"This would keep me up at night for decades."
– Lukealove
"Wedding toast stuff. Obviously not directly but that deserves an inside joke nod."
– commitpushdrink
Ick!
"Went out drinking with fellow booksellers and got very drunk indeed. Had the brilliant idea to sleep close to the bookshop rather than go home. Walked around and eventually found a little hut near the car park for the attendant to work in during the day. Climbed through the window and slept in his chair."
"At some point in the night I felt very ill and rather than make a mess, I puked in the little drawer in his little desk. Filled it completely to the top, closed it, and went back to sleep. Woke up with a terrible hangover and went straight back to work. Remembered halfway through the day about the puke and have felt terrible about it ever since. Still find it hard to read Goldilocks and the Three Bears with the kids."
– MikeSizemore
Liar, Liar?
"Got arrested after puking on a cops shoes swearing i wasn’t drunk."
– BrushNo1369
"I'm thinking if he already had to have the conversation with a cop that he wasn't drunk, it was probably for whatever started the conversation."
– garbagedisposalpasta
Awkward
"My buddy told me he'd take me home after a night out. He got too drunk and didn't want to drive (good choice), so he called me a cab and got me a hoagie from Wawa."
"The last thing I remember was climbing into the cab. I really wish I could recall the events of the night after that."
"The next morning I woke up in someone's gravel driveway, no hoagie and no phone, I only had my wallet."
"I just hope I didn't ruin that cabbies night but I can almost be assured that I did."
– LeviathanIsI
That's Unfortunate
"I was too drunk to drive so I drove my RC car to the liquor store while walking behind it and it got ran over by a drunk driver. Rip SCX10."
– Car_loapher
"Hold on just the first half of this alone is f**king hilarious. “I’m too drunk to drive, so I’ll walk there. I just need to find a car to take…”"
– IronLusk
"Let me find my keys...er...remote."
– lightningspider97
All By Myself
"Trying to walk in higher heels than usual I fell into a swimming pool at a party where I didn't know the hosts very well. Nobody wanted to fish me out as I was wearing a long maxi dress it was hard to climb out on my own."
– tinkblueyez209
"So, people just straight up watched you struggle to get out while sneaking pics?"
– NottaPattaPoopa
Sound The Alarms
"Walked away from a party, went to my friends garage and slept. Woke up, went back. They had called police and coastal guard becuase they thought I had drowned or went missing."
– Den_dar_Alex
"Nobody checked the garage? Your friends sound like the bust."
– flacobronco
"Well everyone was drunk so no one thought about it. The garage was 2000 metres and owned by his dad. So would've thought to check there."
– Den_dar_Alex
Yikes!
"I came home very drunk one time and my roommate had baked this chocolate lava cake thing with a Betty Crocker mix. I took one look at it and started f**king devouring it with a spoon. He came into the kitchen the next morning and found half of it missing with very obvious spoon marks. I don't even think he got to eat any of it. Needless to say he was pissed."
– disgruntled-capybara
"Did you bake him one in repayment?"
– Beavur
"No, but I bought a replacement box for him."
– disgruntled-capybara
""Here, more work!""
– Tshirt_Addict
"duuuuude this is where you had to buy him a nice cake or give him the box plus his labor so like $20."
– ixlovextoxkiss
Woof, Woof!
"Stole the hosts lunch in their fridge, ate it, then threw it up all over their deck and it froze over in the -30°C weather and they had to hack it off with a shovel."
– HalfChineseJesus
"This is funny because if I didn't know the question I would guess a dog wrote this."
– mro777
"I threw a chicken into a swimming pool once, and then dived in to rescue it. According to my friend, I was so distraught that I took it to bed with me to keep it warm."
"When I woke up the next morning I had no memory of the night before and found a chicken in my shower."
– massive-bafe
"I was hesitant to hit this thread cause I figured it could be really dark but this has to be one the greatest stories I’ve ever heard in my life 😂"
– capnsmirks
"Was it a live chicken?"
– SentientRock123
"Yes. It was my cleaner's pet chicken, who lived in a small pen near the pool (the chicken, not the cleaner)."
– massive-bafe
A Lucky Break
"I was 21, maybe 22. Just transferred to UW-Milwaukee. Every weekend I was going out to the bars/clubs with a bunch of international students I befriended. One weekend, we all went to a frat party where some of the guys asked me to join. I wasn’t interested at the time so politely declined."
"Fast forward a couple of weekends later, me and my buddies are at a club and I got so drunk I realized I just needed to go home. I called a cab (Uber and Lyft wasn’t a thing back then) and (in my drunken stupor) realized I didn’t have any cash on me. The cab driver was so pissed he took me all the way back to the club that he picked me up at and dropped me off."
"I started walking home, fell down and broke my cell phone so I couldn’t call anyone for a ride. While I was walking, a policeman pulled up beside me probably realizing I was completely hammered and maybe needed help."
"Not sure why, but I told the cop I was part of the fraternity that had asked me to join a couple of weeks ago. He said “wait really? I’m an alumni from there. Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Brought me right back to my dorm lol."
– niemzi
If only we were all that lucky!
The Absolute Worst Things Someone Can Say After Sex
Reddit user AMGBOI69420 asked: 'What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?'
Who knows the perfect thing to utter after a night of carnal passion?
It's especially vexing after a first time together.
All that anticipation and wonder can be surpassed or completely destroyed.
So often, every syllable can count.
But there is certainly a list of what not to do in these situations.
And... they're pretty basic.
Redditor AMGBOI69420 wanted to discuss all the best ways to ruin the moment, so they asked:
"What’s the worst thing you can say right after having sex?"
The worst I have ever said to someone is, "Morning. Sorry, I forgot your name."
Oh BOO!!
Friends Tv GIFGiphy"My ex-husband was a virgin when we met. After his first time, he said, 'I don't know why people seem to enjoy that so much.'"
"THANKS, BOO."
StrangersWithAndi
Wow Really?!
"True story..."
"My partner and I of 8 years lost our virginities to each other. He grew up in a very sex-sheltered home and I grew up in a sex-positive one. We waited until our second-year anniversary, as we wanted to make sure he was ready before we started."
"We had sex and I thought it was great, but he gets up and puts his underwear back on, muttering."
"'That wasn't worth it.'"
"God d**n it hurt, but he was referring to the anxiety he had over sex, not the sex itself. We laugh about it now."
Eas_Mackenzie
I Tried
"I think I'll go back to being gay."
AlertWar2945
"Reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill where Hank finds out Peggy lost her virginity to her friend to see if he was really gay."
"I just remember Peggy talking about how unsure he was about it but after doing the deed with her how extremely sure he was that he was gay."
No-Significance2113
Check
"Now let’s go over your performance review."
repwin1
"You joke but I had a guy send me a Google form after sex so I could give him feedback on how he did."
single-left-sock
"Honestly though that would be hilarious. Like after you're done you reach under the bed and pull out a clipboard with a bunch of things in a checklist and a review section, then sign and stamp it and give it to them."
yamanamawa
I wish I could say I believe that no person could say these things, but... I know people.
Why cheat? Why?
No Touching
"From a former FWB who never cuddled after sex and when I asked him once he said he had to leave to 'defrost some hot dogs for a party tomorrow' …a party that I wasn’t even invited to."
FishyBricky
"I mean, if he communicated with you that he did not want to cuddle and did not want anything deeper than just sex, I don't see why you'd be upset. It's really important to communicate each other's intentions before doing it."
DrizzlyEarth175
"To be fair, cuddling after sex releases oxytocin, which can increase bonding in ‘couples.’ FWB was probably scared of catching feelings."
"F**king hot dogs though!? 😆 that’s funny (now)."
ScumBunny
Keep it in the Family
"Pretty good but your mom was better."
tempestae
"I have said this. Or close. Got into a relationship with a girl whose mum, ten years previously I had hooked up with orally. She knew and thought it was funny. In fact one Xmas she was doing Xmas Dinner. Said 'Dan, mum will be here in an hour... help me in the kitchen. I'm not leaving you two in a room together.'"
rumbunkshus
Introductions
Big Brother What GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"What's your name again?"
Leocut78
"I had a girl ask me what HER name was right before. I had no idea. She didn’t leave (or tell me her name)."
PredictBaseballBot
I’ll never forget...
"Not sure if it’s the worst but I know it hurt. I was dating this guy is hs, a varsity jock, and really cute. I could’ve sworn he had women, anyways we start dating. The first time we hooked up it sucked so bad, I looked him dead in the eye and asked him if he was a virgin. I swear the look on his face is something I’ll never forget."
AuraRiver
Well that is a whole lot of therapy bills.
I get that sometimes words just fall out of our mouths, but Lord show a little decorum.
It doesn't take much to ruin the party mood.
Anything can tank a good time.
Usually, it's a guest who has decided to act a fool who brings down the atmosphere.
But it can also be the menu, the music, the neighbors... the list is endless.
A party is a fragile experiment.
Play it fun.
Redditor Joeyniles9 wanted to discuss all the things people have done that destroy the good time, so they asked:
"What instantly kills the vibe at a party?"
Anything. Anything can kill a vibe at a party.
Especially with perfect timing.
Lights Out
"Someone putting the big light on."
templewater
"Used to work at a bowling alley. On the weekends we had cosmic bowling (dark, black lights, fog machine, disco lights). At midnight we would turn the music off and the big fluorescent lights on so people would go home. The vibe kill was instantaneous."
roguescience
GiphyElden RIng
"If the hosts are a couple, and they get into a fight."
MightyMCY
"For real, I was at a couple of friend's places for a chill party once and the guy started getting angry at his GF for asking him something while we took turns playing Elden Ring. It became increasingly awkward and they moved their argument into the kitchen, then it turned into a real fight with screaming and dishes thrown on the floor."
"Eventually when someone suggested that they calmed down and the guy became hysterical, threw everyone out including his GF, and said it was her fault the party was ruined. I took pity on her so I drove her to her place, and ended up consoling her until 3 AM. Turns out they'd been fighting before about cheating on one another.
"They're due to get married at the end of the year but I'd be surprised their relationship lasts that long."
SaliktheCruel
Nesting
"I was at a staff party with an open bar, and it reached the time when the first clusters of guests were leaving. When they went to get their coats from the closet, they discovered a young new team member who we thought had left hours ago. He had stripped off all his clothes, made a nest of jackets, soiled everything, and passed out. Killed the vibe for sure."
MistaLuvcraft
Damn Kids
"When someone gets extremely wasted and too out of control (starts to pick fights, has drunk fits, will sprawl on the ground, needs 100% supervision, has to be carried around). You just wanna chill and enjoy the party but you can't cuz you're stuck babysitting them."
Akai_Sakita
"Uggggh yeah been there, had to babysit a drunk Belgium kid (he was like 18/19) and watch half my group make out with each other in Amsterdam, killed my night hard."
NevrAsk
"I think the S is needed. A single, aggressive drunk can be headed off. The party can pinball them around the place and make them feel special...and, if not, push them into a ditch."
"Multiple aggressive drunks? GTFO. Now."
fishsticklovematters
Time for some coffee darlings.
Song Killer
"When someone changes a song before the best part... I've done this and got my dumba** ex-communicated... rightfully."
Employee-Number-9
Golden Girls Dancing GIF by TV LandGiphyThe Pooper
"A friend of mine announced she had to fart to the entire kitchen while she was intoxicated. She proceeded to sh*t liquid diarrhea on herself. It hit the floor, and it smelled terrible. Party ended before it really ever began. Guess she had some stomach bug or IBS or something. She ended up getting diapers for any gift-giving occasion after. No clue where she ended up, we lost touch a year or so later."
Guerrin_TR
It was Him
"One time, my brother (14 at the time) wanted to see how hard it would be to dig out a 1 meter x 1-meter square hole out of the ground (Minecraft inspired.) He spent a good amount of time over a weekend digging, until he got bored. It was mostly finished."
"Fast forward a couple of months. I throw a party at my dad's house and we're having a blast. A bonfire out back and everything."
"A kind-hearted attendee noticed the pit in the ground and made it his duty to guard the pit, for he did not want anyone to get hurt."
"Someone got hurt. Spoiler alert: it was him. HE fell into the pit - our brave guard. Thankfully, we had a sober person there and they drove him to the hospital, but that instantly killed the vibe at the party."
coolbrys
But Damn
"An overdose."
eatafetus632"
I witnessed this. The host and two friends went to a room to do a little booger sugar, but it must have been laced with fentanyl or something. They were found unresponsive - Party over, paramedics, cops, etc. Narcan definitely saved them and they made a full recovery, but damn. What a horrible night."
KurzBadger
Bar Fail
"Shortage of drinks when everything is closed."
ads5531
"Ah yes, time for the Adventure (gathers the folks for the quest to the closest gas station to buy more alcohol, gets lost twice, changes destination several times, 3 people go missing, somebody passes out, drink entire booze before they make their way back home)."
CatOfCosmos
Season 6 Trailer GIFGiphyAlways have the bar stocked!
That is party 101!!
It's a known fact, that after having one too many drinks, our judgment and multiple abilities become severely impaired.
And as a result, we should probably avoid doing important work, calling exes or unrequited crushes, and, of course, driving.
But, have you ever surprised yourself, by realizing that you're actually good at something after having a few drinks.
That maybe one thing an excess of alcohol cured was your self-consciousness, and may have improved your confidence?
Redditor 1bottleofwineb was curious to hear what hidden talents the Reddit community unearthed after having one too many, leading them to ask:
"What are you strangely good at when drunk?"
Who told you that? Oh...
"I start oversharing pretty quickly."
"It's a problem when hanging out with colleagues."- tanej86312
I'm not usually this outgoing!
"Making friends lol."- Illustrious_Big_8485
"Talkative, being able to hold a conversation about almost anything."- D-Rez
GiphyWhere did my inhibitions go?
"Oddly enough, most anything that relies on reaction speed."
"My best guess is that I second guess myself too much when I'm sober, so I wind up waiting too long."
"If I actively try to counteract that, I jump the gun."
"When alcohol gets involved, I just stop thinking about it and nail it."
"Literally the only time I've managed to beat several textbook examples of incredibly difficult video game bosses, ie. 'Hollow Knight's Absolute Radiance', 'Malenia in Elden Ring', was when I was riding that edge between tipsy and drunk.- orein123
Strike!
"Bowling."- PorkInfestedWater
8 ball left corner...
"Pool."
"I normally suck ,and when I'm trashed I really suck."
"But there's a sweet tipsy spot in the middle I'm freaking great."
"I don't keep drinking to be drunk I do it to keep the pool juice flowing."- Niznack
time shot GIFGiphyA skill no one wants
"Ruining friendships and relationships."
"F*ckin masterclass."- KatatoniK94
I'm bilingual? Who knew!
"My second language comes out easier."- Grapegoop
Making decisions... I'll definitely regret...
"Sending my friends stupid 'I'm drunk haha' texts."
"Someone take my f*cking phone away please."- existential-mystery
drunk parks and recreation GIFGiphyReady, Steady, Go!
"Running."
"I guess not so much anymore but in my early twenties, when I lived in San Diego, I'd get drunk and run for like 12 miles, sometimes by the beach."
"When I would wake up the next morning I'd be like.... how did I do that?"- helltothenoyo
Amazing the things we can do after a few too many glasses of wine.
Though, best to just enjoy it in the moment, rather than try to replicate it...
People Describe The 'Genius Idea' They Had While In An Altered State That Was Actually Really Terrible
Why do all of our best ideas happen when under the influence? Or is that a thought we just believe to be true?
I will say some of my best ideas spring forth with a nip of Grey Goose, but all the ideas at the bottom of the bottle never seem to pan out.
I can't be alone here.
I know that there has to be people who acted upon ideas born when smoking the Mary J. (do the kids say that anymore?) that when put into action thought... "Well that was a mistake."
Or are we tapping into the brilliant and it just needs a little nurturing? So many thoughts. Let's discuss... sober.
Redditorsfish27wanted to hear about all the best thoughts people had, but maybe while not on the best of terms mentally, they asked:
"Have you ever written down a 'genius idea' while drunk/tired/otherwise confused, then gone back to it later to find it was complete nonsense? What was your genius idea?"
I swear I have had the best workout ideas after margaritas.
But after I sober up I realize... one really shouldn't hang from a ceiling fan for ab support.
Carbs
"They should make a 'low carb' pasta salad, that just has vegetables in it. I looked at it later and realized that's just a salad." ~ crap_whats_not_taken
GiphyShovel It
"I used to think that I would get these amazing ideas before I would fall asleep and then I forget them in the morning. So I started keeping a journal next to my bed to write down these ideas. The only one I ever wrote down was 'pogo stick with a shovelhead on the end."' ~ High_Stream
Pizza
"I once woke up in the middle of the night with an idea that I desperately needed to jot down. Managed to key it into my phone before dozing off again. Went to check it the next morning to find a note that simply read 'Better a pizza cake than none.'" ~ Itrade
Cereal
"I was drunk and went to eat a bowl of cereal. Then started thinking about how great it would be if we invented deeper bowls with a handle, to make eating stuff while drunk and sitting on the couch easier. Got so excited about my idea and was genuinely baffled how nobody had seemingly thought of this genius idea before. Woke up the next morning and realized I had, in fact, invented the mug." ~ _MaddAddam
Hot Air
"I wanted to make my own hot air balloon by inflating an air mattress with helium. Didn't have a helium tank though." ~ KapitanKraken
GiphyHot air balloons are dangerous in general.
You'd have to be high just to try.
That is a death defying experience.
Yoda
"One time I had the idea to write something down when I was almost blacked out to see what it was in the morning and it turned out I wrote, ‘Yoda is the best time traveler.'" ~ ytubejammer
Giphy(???)
"I once dreamed that I was in a song contest and came up with a rap song with the chorus... 'White boy, black boy, gay boy, gameboy,' and when I woke up I thought it was the most wholesome thing ever. Black people, white people and even gay people can come together and be friends if they just put their differences aside and play Gameboy together. (???) To be fair, I was a kid. but still. I remember being excited about it FOR DAYS." ~ TurnstileT
"Wrote"
"I wrote a best selling novel in my sleep. 'Wrote' some ideas down on a pad next to the bed. Woke up excited about it and then realized I never clicked the pen to expose the tip. No book this year." ~ Harvard-23
"Bruh, you gotta rub the paper with the side of a pencil and expose the indentations. You were leaving yourself a coded message!" ~ pterrorgrine
My Blades
"I wanted to start a business that would increase efficiency of ceiling fans. I would travel to people's homes and sharpen their ceiling fan blades until they were razor sharp. The decreased resistance would make the blades faster and use less energy. Since literally no one has ever sharpened their ceiling fan blades, everyone was a potential customer." ~ chowderpouch
Sober...
"I wrote down some jokes that were funny and thought I should do stand-up. they were so funny that I couldn't stop laughing. Sober, they weren't even jokes. just some thoughts written down that made little to no sense." ~ BirdGuy64
GiphyWhat have we learned?
Just enjoy the high.
Don't overthink.
And also... you never know, it might work.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.