Besties Reveal How They Saved Their Friends' Life[rebelmouse-image 18346519 is_animated_gif=
Speaking as someone who was in denial about a chronic illness, it's easier to hide pain than to admit it to others. But friends who know you best often come through, and they are owed immense gratitude.
ZibernianHusky asked, [Serious] When did you realize your friend wasn't doing so well mentally?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
All too often, friends never have the chance to help.[rebelmouse-image 18344875 is_animated_gif=
Real answer: When I saw the obituary.
People don't pay very much attention to each other, even their supposed friends and loved ones.
Drinking excessively is sometimes a cry for help. Be careful though, sometimes offering assistance can backfire.[rebelmouse-image 18346520 is_animated_gif=
When every weekend ended with her getting drunk and fighting with someone. She was so angry all the time but still fragile like glass.
Ok so basically all of the internet is in agony. Yeah, sounds about right.[rebelmouse-image 18346521 is_animated_gif=
This is not a joke.
When he started posting edgy Facebook memes. It was so out of character, that I knew something was up...
He overdosed on Heroin the next week. Survived, and I'm not sure what he's doing now.???????
Furiously posting about your ex? Definitely not normal.[rebelmouse-image 18346522 is_animated_gif=
My BIL never posts on Facebook. Suddenly he was posting every couple hours about his ex. I responded, "please call me if you need help taking this down." He didn't. He also ignored my husband's calls for a few days. Then my SIL texted to have my husband call him. She was on her way to see BIL who was in the middle of a breakdown. Husband called, BIL is SOBBING. Tells husband "not now, brother, I don't want to talk to you! You'll just make fun of me!" Now husband can be gruff and sarcastic, so it's not uncalled for. But the husband was also battling cancer at the time (contributing to BIL's depression? Maybe. We live a thousand miles away), so he's gotten in touch with his softer side. Talked to BIL until SIL arrived to hug him. He's better now. Has started smoking pot. I THINK it's ok and probably better than the cases of beer. But I'm on alert.
Self-denial can become quite obvious when it's strong enough.[rebelmouse-image 18346523 is_animated_gif=
I'm telling you how I realized people noticed - a few random people were asking me "is everything OK?" and a random bartender was like "hey are you ok mate?" I was like s*, I must be so depressed that it is seeping out into my skin and everyone can notice. I have never felt worse.
It's difficult to measure other people's pain, until they attempt the unthinkable.[rebelmouse-image 18346525 is_animated_gif=
Not until after the suicide attempt. They hid it well, or I didn't look hard enough.
Recognizing warning signs within yourself can make the difference.[rebelmouse-image 18346526 is_animated_gif=
I used to have a job I hated so much that eventually, trying to die, while talking to my managers and coworkers. They either didn't notice or didn't say anything, and told me to smile more in front of the customers. That was when I realized I had to quit for my mental health. I think sometimes you have to be your own person who notices and gets worried about you.
Paranoia is a big red flag for schizophrenia.[rebelmouse-image 18346527 is_animated_gif=
When he started telling me that Rihanna was stalking him, that was a bit of a red flag. Fast forward 3 months and he was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Reclusive behavior coupled with rash decisions? Something may be amiss.[rebelmouse-image 18346528 is_animated_gif=
When he couldn't leave the house even to grocery shop or keep plans he made with friends. He recuses himself or jumps headfirst into a new hobby spending absurd amounts of money on it. He is bipolar type.
At least he asked for help...[rebelmouse-image 18346529 is_animated_gif=
When he showed up on my back porch crying and telling me that he needed help or he was going to kill himself.
You never know what goes on in private. People's lives can be dark.[rebelmouse-image 18346532 is_animated_gif=
She overdosed, hours after we had been hanging out together and she seemed her usual happy self. Fortunately, she was okay and is much happier now. But that really taught me you really never know what is happening behind the scenes, it's scary!
This level of self-doubt must be really painful.[rebelmouse-image 18346534 is_animated_gif=
My best friend from middle school through High School came to visit me when I was in college and told me that he knew that my dad had been paying me to be his friend.
Every. Day.[rebelmouse-image 18346535 is_animated_gif=
Wait till the old "they're not really my friend, they just hang around me cos their too polite to tell me to f_ck off" hits you. Been fighting that for a good 30 years now.
Can't blame yourself... and kudos to the roommate for still wanting her homework.[rebelmouse-image 18346536 is_animated_gif=
She called me from the mental ward at the hospital asking me to bring her homework. She was my roommate at the time so that tells you how observant I am.
She's a really good friend for noticing a problem.[rebelmouse-image 18346537 is_animated_gif=
When she started to have panic attacks and breakdowns in class. I had noticed she was restricting her food and when she started having these meltdowns I realized in what state she actually was in. I made her go to the school psychologist and she's now working on getting better and beating her anorexia but she really isn't in a good place right now. I just hope she'll be alright this summer.
Acclimating back to civilian life must be enormously difficult. It deserves more attention.[rebelmouse-image 18346538 is_animated_gif=
When he had difficulties adjusting back into society after his time in the military. I know the transition being difficult is common to many members of the military, but it was especially hard for him. He found little comradery back home. His dad wrote him off when he married his stepmom. His mom moved halfway around the world for god knows what. We were sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette and he just started breaking down. He kept telling me how he needed to go back to the military because nobody understood what it was like coming back to our hometown and being unwanted. It's sobering seeing one of your toughest friends break down in front of you. I just gave him a hug and let him cry. Told him I would help him however I could. So I went with him to the VA the following week so he could get therapy. He's in a better place now, but it was rough for a second there.
Talk about your extreme panic attacks... for those who have never had them, they SUCK.[rebelmouse-image 18346539 is_animated_gif=
My friend had a panic attack on an airplane and jumped out the emergency door without using the stairs (luckily the airplane had already landed). He even continued running in the landing zone with his broken ankle while being chased around. It's been difficult defending the guy since he appeared in the newspaper and everyone is so goddamn judgemental. He is ok now, he's taken his meds and I doubt he'll do anything similar anytime soon.
Snapchatting your suicide attempt screams "I need help." Good thing someone intervened.[rebelmouse-image 18346540 is_animated_gif=
When he posted a photo on his snap story with two empty pill bottles captioned, " peace out world ????? see you on the other side."
Pain makes us do irrational things.[rebelmouse-image 18346541 is_animated_gif=
When he stopped speaking to everyone, started dating someone old enough to be his Father, and lost 70 lbs doing hard drugs that he thinks no one knows about.
I miss him every day. I'm heartbroken.???????
Close friends can't always offer the help you need. It's okay to seek help.[rebelmouse-image 18346542 is_animated_gif=
I know this is going to sound pathetic. But I kinda keep hoping one of my friends will realize.
During the day I'm kinda doing okay, I feel like I seem happy. In a weird way, I just kind hope someone will see through it, and actually listen.
I'm afraid because whenever I mention something that seems kinda negative, everyone just seems to get quiet like I'm bringing the mood down. I hate being that guy, and I feel pretty embarrassed that I'm feeling this way. Even the reasons for it are embarrassing to me.
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.