Redditor Optillard needs some advice. Apparently she is having some "boyfriend mama" issues. As if relationships are arduous enough, nobody needs to be brought to task over things that bring others pleasure. Case in point....
I'm very into kinky BDSM sexual stuff and really enjoy it. My boyfriend wasn't into it at first but he was open to it and now he's also like me, very much interested. I have turned the basement of my house into a BDSM dungeon with a lot of equipments, latex outfits, cuffs, chains, spreaders, bondage equipment, swings, dildos, strap-ons, benches, etc.
My boyfriend's mom is visiting from the other side of the country and is staying with us for a few days. This is fine. She's been wanting to visit his son and get to know me better and I think it's lovely.
She is a rather devout Christian and believes in things like modesty, traditional gender roles and even abstinence before marriage. I don't have a problem with her if that's how she wants to live her life. It's not for someone like me who's basically the opposite of those things.
I always lock the door to the basement. It's a private room and I don't think it's unreasonable to lock one of your rooms when you have guests. It should be clear that a locked room is supposed to be left alone. Apparently she does not understand this. Yesterday she asked where door leads to and I told her that it's the basement and it's just full of stuff and it's always locked because I don't want my niece and nephew who visit often go down there (not a lie, it is the truth).
This morning I went out for a run when she was still sleeping. My boyfriend has a night shift at the hospital so he was away. When I came back I noticed that she has broken into the basement (took the key from the drawer in my room) and she asked me to "answer for this." I didn't, just kept asking her why is she down here and how she got here and she explained that she thinks I was disrespectful for locking a room to a guest and she had to find out what I'm hiding down there because she thought it could be something illegal but instead she found, as she called it, "evil material of a shameless slut." She then went on a rant about how ungodly these things are, that I have corrupted her son, how I'm of the devil and going to hell and she's not going to allow me to take her son with her, and things like that.
I just asked her to get out of the basement, stay in her room until his son arrives and she can deal with him as I don't think I need to justify my lifestyle or my belongings to her. She called me a whore and went out of the house. That was 30 minutes ago.
I texted my boyfriend and he hasn't responded yet. Not sure what I should do now. I really don't want her in my house ever again.
And the internet has some thoughts...
As a guest... act accordingly!
GiphyI agree with everything said in this thread, you're 100% in the right. Being a guest somewhere doesn't give you unlimited access to everything in that home, that's stupid. Do you think guests to the White House are allowed to run around going into every room because "they're guests?"
This really gets me though.
she had to find out what I'm hiding down there because she thought it could be something illegal
So her response to a locked basement - basements are often used as storage, they're out of the way, nobody needs to be in a basement - is to go into your bedroom, snoop for a key that she doesn't know the appearance of, take any key she sees to use on the basement door, and then...what. What if you had a meth lab down there? Was Mighty Mom just going to stand there proudly "I FOUND THE METH LAB, THIS IS ILLEGAL, I'M VICTORIOUS!" And then your evil empire will just crumble because one nosy Christian lady in her 50s saw your setup.
That excuse is so hilariously lame that I think we need to send it to the glue factory. She's a nosy snoop that doesn't respect boundaries and she did this because she can't handle being told no. I guess in a way it's good that she showed these colors now rather than testing your boundaries in smaller ways over several years. Now you know she's an invasive prima-donna, and knowing is half the battle!
Best of luck navigating the fallout, OP.
Mama is coming for you...
The fall out is going to be the WORST.
She is going to tell everyone in his family and everyone who will listen about what she has in her basement. The mailman in his home town will know. I'm sure if she has a facebook she has made a status about it and called all her biddy friends at the church to come pay the devil away.
I cringe to think about what she is going to do next.
Flip out on her son, I think. This is just the first explosion and she went in there looking for a reason to hate OP. Hence the break in. Even if she didn't have a sex dungeon down there, she would have gone through boxes like "THIS NAKED BARBIE DOLL FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? YOU DEVIL PEDOPHILE!" She's an all star Olympian at mental gymnastics.
Can we take bets now on if Ma is going to demand he dumb OP? OH and do absolutely everything to sabotage their relationship in an all out war?
Shame on you lady!
she had to find out what I'm hiding down there because she thought it could be something illegal...
Devout Christian here, in my 60s. And I agree 100%...why in the world would she automatically think this? It's such a ridiculous leap it makes me question whats going on with her own life. We have locked rooms in our house. One is a very old root cellar that with ridiculously steep steps (I store canning stuff there), another has all my husbands old military uniforms/trunks etc. My community is ridiculously conservative (we aren't political) and I have never had anyone question locked rooms. With a lot of children etc. it's a given. Everyone I know has locked rooms. OPs bf's mom shouldn't have did what she did. She violated hospitality, stole from her and broke into her property. The mother is using Christianity as a shield for her own sinful life and clouded ethics. She ought to be ashamed.
Worry about what else...
GiphyPretty sure she's gone through everything in your house.
No doubt about it. medicine cabinets, pantry, under the bed. you have been 100% invaded.
How would she like it?
I bet if you pulled out her purse, dumped it out, and started going through all her crap she'd understand why people like privacy.
It's her not you.
GiphyWhen I'm a guest somewhere I do my best to stick to what the people who leave there would consider acceptable. To begin with, I always consider the bedrooms, other than those for guests of course, of limits and obviously, if somewhere's locked, I have no business there.
People like her bf's mother don't have any respect for people's privacy and clearly said she didn't want their hospitality by going through their stuff.
You're a Saint...
GiphyHonestly I would have straight up kicked her out of my house. OP is a saint for even letting her stay in her room.
Don't be a Mama's boy son...
You can't control people. Stand back and watch where the chips fall. Good insight in the guy to be gained.
If the guy meekly obeys his mom as an adult male, then that's a bullet dodged because now you have a good reason to drop the guy. Or otherwise you'll be dealing with the shallowly judgmental crone meddling in your shit constantly.
If the guy goes "I love you ma but go f**k yourself" he's a keeper.
Get her a reservation...
GiphyIf she can afford to be so rude and disrespectful she can afford a hotel for the rest of her stay.
Her justification for her actions shows that she likely never had any respect for you and was just snooping for something to get self-righteous about.
Jesus take the crowbar?
GiphySo she stole, and broke into a room of your house, for jesus? Huh.
Honestly, sounds like you handled it right, I think the next step is in your boyfriend's court.
Makes me wonder if this type of behavior is why her son lives on the other side of the country.
It is obvious that she don't have any respect for you or for her son. The best thing you did is just telling her to wait for her son to come. I don't mean anything but you should put yourself in her place. If this man was your son and you never realized for his life-time when he used to live with you that he have an intendancy for such a lifestyle, you may be a little freaked out, right? I don't mea any offense to you. I totally respect you and you choice. I'm telling you that for when your boyfriend call (he will call you, don't worry. But he must had a lot to deal with now) you should be reasonable. Don't start blaming his mum because she broke into a private part in your house. Just tell him to stay with her till she comedown. He already know that, but trust he don't wanna hear what he already know about his mum.for now you can just try to call one of his friends who could know where is he now.
God bless her...
GiphyI never understand why, the people who are most "Christian"... Don't even follow the stuff the Lord said. Like love everyone. And don't judge. And don't open locked doors. It's simple.
I think BF's mom has a personality disorder. I'm serious.
I think it's a common one that's often talked about. She has no boundaries, her children are an extension of herself, and when she is alone, she experiences super-anxiety and is propelled into action. It's almost mindless action, but in a place where Extenstion-of-Self lives (otherwise known as Her Son), she feels entitled to do whatever she wants.
As opposed to a fairly normal person.
It disturbs me how people assume that having a "guest" status somehow allows full-range use of someone's house. Unfortunately, devout-religious folks like that are often into dogmatic shaming if they find something out of the norm, especially when dealing with a female. Mother Dearest should probably realize that her sonny-boy is big enough to make decisions on his own and isn't "corruptible." In her head, you're the scapegoat. That's her issue.
Going through your house is a violation of basic privacy. Period.
If she can't own up to that being her fault, then she's got some serious internalized issues with boundaries. There's nothing wrong with you having full control over your sexuality -- she, however, doesn't need to make it any of her business. If she does, she needs to get some therapy.
I have to agree with the others here, you handled this beautifully. She has absolutely no right to be shaming you when she should've minded her own business. It's not you, it's her. Mommy Dearest needs to fix her boundary issues.
Hopefully, your bf will show her some boundaries, have her gtfo, or get her a lobotomy.
The truth hurts...
I'd probably point out to her that her son has a hard time keeping his pants on around you. Rub it in her face.
Hide the key...
GiphyI need to know - how did she find the key to the basement? Was it obvious which key goes with which lock? I can't imagine someone rummaging through personal items in a house, quickly coming upon a key, and trying the basement door. If it really happened like that, she must have been really determined and really tearing through your stuff to find that key. F**k that lady.
You're out!!
I would kick her the hell out. You were trying to be thoughtful and not shove what you do in her face, and she was a disrespectful ass to break into the room and then call you the one with the problem.
Also, I'm mad jealous of your basement. That sounds like fun.
Check and Mate.
GiphyMan, she really checks all the boxes on the crazy scale:
Snoops around? Check
Opens a locked door in a house that's not hers because she believes she's entitled to? Check
Shames you for your sexual preferences? Check
Babbles about Heaven and Hell? Check
Your BF has one crazy mother
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.