Anyone who's spent time in bars knows how rowdy things can sometimes get. No one knows this better than your friendly neighborhood bartenders, who have sometimes had to intervene. We were reminded this after Redditor Mehariel asked the online community: "Bar staff of Reddit, have you ever had a man use the "safeword drink" escape, and how often does it happen?"
"I used to..."
I used to bartend for a gay bar. One night I had a group of guys who seemed to be having a great time. After another round of shots, one sticks behind at the bar and asks for an angel shot. I bring him behind the bar and into the office. He was with a couple coworkers and their friends. He knew the coworkers were gay, and would be taking him to a gay bar, but apparently things started to get out of hand when they started trying to grope him. I tell him he can chill in the back room for as long as he needed, he hands me a handful of crumpled 1s and asks for a burger.
We didn't really serve food besides bar snacks, so I hand him back his money and give him a couple bags of chips. About half an hour later I go to check on him, and notice that he's really messed up. To the point where he can't even talk. Luckily all his a-hole friends were still there drinking, so I called the cops. He's rushed away in an ambulance immediately. I shut the bar down so the cops and I can co through the security footage. We managed to catch two of the guys he's with putting some powder into his beer. Both of them were arrested, the other two were somewhere else at the time, and were let go.
"One of my regulars..."
I used to bartend and do front desk at a hotel. One of my regulars was in for the week, real nice guy, very friendly and happily married. We also had a cuckoo bird lady staying with us that week. She was good looking but def had something crazy in those eyes. They were both at the bar and they were talking for a while. Him being a nice guy, he didn't want to outright blow her off I guess. He stops at the front desk to say what's up and we talk for a bit while the girl is just standing behind him.
He shoots me a look that says get me out of this situation as he starts walking towards the elevator. Once she gets in the elevator I called him back to ask a question about Detroit because "I was going there next week." He got off the elevator but so did she. Then I told the lady there was a problem with the card she had on file (there wasn't) and he slipped away. He called me thanking me a few minutes later.
"I worked in a nightclub..."
I worked in a nightclub that was popular with the gay community for a couple of years, we didn't have a safe word but one night there were two guys clearly hitting it off they were flirting and having a great time. After a couple of drinks one of the guys was clearly being very forward and touchy, the other was not enjoying this and had withdrawn. He attempted to walk back to his friends but the first guy wasn't having this and pulled him back. In an attempt to get out the guy started vigorously shaking his head anytime one of the bar staff walked by.
After this happened a few times we realised something needed to be done and spoke to the guy that was being all forward and explained that we didn't think the other guy wanted to stay at the bar with him. He got aggressive then and started screaming at us because how would we know what the guy wanted; although it was blatantly obvious. Eventually we got security down to escort the guy out of the place so that the guy who had been trying to get away could go back to his friends, have a good night and not have to leave.
"There were never..."
I used to work in a high quality seafood restaurant as a chucker. There were never any safewords but there were a lot of telling looks. People behind the bar hear a lot of your conversations, they usually know whats going on before you do. I've had to escort more people than my job required off of the premises. Look at the bar staff in the eyes and slightly shake your head and we know.
"Turned out the girl..."
Yup, had exactly this happen to me years back in a nightclub I managed l, only time I've ever experienced it so I wouldn't say it happens often.
Turned out the girl he was with was an escort and she had threatened him saying guys were waiting outside to beat the him unless he paid up so many hundreds more than what they had agreed earlier. We immediately got the police involved instead of just escorting him out, It spiraled out of control briefly but all was well in the end.
Ahh had some good times working in the cub industry.
"He came up to me..."Giphy
Am a bouncer, had a regular dude meeting a tinder date. She was pretty hot and I gave him a thumbs up. She was very polite and nice, 2 drinks later she became an utter loon. I walked up to him to see how it was going and he explained while she was in the toilet how much a of a loon she was being to everyone.
He came up to me, said how good the whisky was he just had and I knew straight away (he's a beer man through and through) he wanted to bail. I asked him if he would stay if he didn't meet her, he nodded. So I kicked the girl out and told her she was too drunk.
He met his girlfriend of now 3 years 2 hours later after I kicked her out.
"Only had one incident..."
Only had one incident of a man using Ask For Angela (UK safeword scheme). Gay kid on a bad date. His date had been extremely overbearing and even having to witness it from the bar was extremely uncomfortable. We smuggled him into the kitchen and out the side door while his date went to the bathroom and called him a taxi. Date came back from the bathroom, asked where the kid was, I just went "dunno". Date started getting aggro with me, so supervisor ended up throwing this guy out by the collar.
It honestly doesn't get used enough, by either men or women, especially here in the UK. It absolutely sucks, especially when you as a bartender can't really legally do much or you risk not only your job, but the bar's reputation.
"I knew about..."
Yep, I work in a nightclub in a small city in England in Lincolnshire. I once had a guy who seemed to only recently turned 18, ask if Angela was working (Ask for Angela is a UK scheme that helps prevent violence and assaults). I knew about the Ask for Angela scheme and immediately I brought him into the glass wash room. Turns out there were a bunch of lasses encouraging this one lass into seducing him, grinding up on him, trying to kiss him and groping him. This apparently continued even after the man had walked away into other parts of the nightclub after showing and saying he wasn't interested.
I had reported this to my supervisor who was a little hesitant at first but eventually called the bouncers into the back room too. We explained the situation to them. Now these guys are basically 200-300 pound tanks who you would expect to joke about this and tell this guy to man up and enjoy it but to my suprise, they took it seriously as well.
They managed to track down this group (5 women including the one who was doing the grinding) and they escorted all of them out of the building. Meanwhile, a taxi had already been prepared by my supervisor and the taxi firm was literally down the road, so it didn't take long for it to arrive. I escorted the man through the back stairs that continues down to the stock cellar but leads off to the side exit of the building near the bins. A taxi was parked just outside.
It would be a rare occasion when someone uses "AskAngela" where I work, let alone a man so I'm really glad that all of the staff took it seriously and helped as much as they could.
"I have been..."
I have been manager of a night club in Holland for 1.5 years. We got good night out trainings. This is a training that helps you recognize when someone is getting sexual harassment and/or assaulted and how to react to the situation. We would put up the good night out posters all over the venue. So if we miss it, people know they can trust the staff and tell us.
Because it is hard to really recognize this in a night club we had more people that would go to the bar and ask for help. They would just tell us, we had no safe word. If this happened I was called and I stopped with everything I did and started helping this person.
A LOT can feel as harassment. So we would always take it seriously. First I would try to take them off the dance floor and backstage so I could sit down and hear their story. After that I would always ask them if they want to press charges. If not they could point the person that was harassing them to me and I would kick them out. If they want to press charges I had to call the police and also try to find the harasser and hold them until the cops arrived.
This would not happen a lot, maybe once every 1/2 months. Still to much but for a night club it could be a lot worse.
If someone tells you they are getting harassed always take it serious. He/she already feels ashamed and had the balls to tell you about it.
I work occasional shifts at a gay bar, where they don't really have a safeword drink because where would they advertise that without the other party knowing? But there are still other ways that people surreptitiously ask for help, like writing something on the receipt or on a napkin. One guy, probably 19 or so, walked up to the bar and asked if he could charge his phone. When he handed it to me, he had already dialed in 911 (or, well, our equivalent).
And I'd say we get someone walking up to the guards or to the bar to complain about a creep at least once a week. Especially when they're pretty young.
"I haven't done it personally..."
I haven't done it personally, but a friend had it happen to him who is a bartender.
He was finishing up his shift when a man walks up to him, asking for a safe word drink (I forget what he said it was called) and said he wanted it on the rocks.
Friend just said "Yeah, sure," and helped him to the taxi. Just as the man got in the taxi, the woman he had been there with came running out towards the taxi and yelled profanities, calling the man she had been with "fucking white trash" and "he'll never amount to anything" and some shit like that.
Last I heard, she was banned from that bar (and several others) while the man who got help became a bit of a regular.
"I used to work..."
I used to work in a bar in Orlando and one Friday night were pretty heavy and have a guy (regular) and a lady on a date at the bar and it looks pretty well until he asks for 2 stomach shots A.K.A. "Please help me, I really really don't want to be here with them" and he excuses himself as our manager calls him a taxicab and explain to the lady and she gets mad and tries to leave saying that a man should pay for the bill no matter what
"In our bathrooms..."
In our bathrooms, there's an option to ask for "Angela" at the bar however these posters are only up in the women's bathrooms. This has backfired on me once in the past because I found a guy in a situation he probably didn't want to be in.
I was doing a walk through, collecting glasses (we don't have barbacks in the club I work in) and keeping an eye on things. I noticed this group sat down, one girl with her shoes off all over this guy who was staring forward and tense. Clearly uncomfortable. She was very drunk so I managed to ask if he was okay without her noticing, he shook his head, I radioed for a bouncer and she was removed from the venue.
Even if someone is unaware of the safe word or knows that the person they're trying to get away from knows the safe word, most bartenders and bouncers will try and keep an eye on people and make sure everyone is having a good time.
"This happened to me."
This happened to me. A man came up to the bar and said: "Hi there, do you know where Angela is?". I wasn't sure I heard him right, so I replied: "Sorry, what was that?". He then repeated "Do you know where Angela is?" whilst giving me a funny look with his eyes.
We had just had a new starter at the company called Angela who was working in the kitchen (the bar I worked at is in a restaurant). The fact he referred to her by name and his facial expression made me think he was a friend/spouse of hers, but he was unsure if she was working today or that he was at the right restaurant.
I told him I'd check the back for her. She was in the kitchen, so I went back to the bar and told him to follow me. I then pointed him towards Angela and he glanced over to her and said "Oh, right. Cheers." and then ran out of the fire escape next to her (one of those ones with a bar to open), setting a loud alarm off.
My manager came running in asking what was wrong, and I told him what had happened. My manager stopped the alarm and informed me that 'Where's Angela?' is a new scheme the police have brought in, but he hadn't got round to telling us. I told my manager that it would have been nice to have been informed.
"Was in a night club..."
Was in a night club, working instead of a friend who had an exams next day. I took his two shifts since i had whole week free. There was a date where the guy was definitely afraid of a girl. Asked for permission to "engage" and decided to calm two down.
I took the man to our security booth where you have camera control, who was literally shaking out of fear. I had him calm down, paid for cold soda myself and gave one to the guy and i drank one myself (instead of cigarettes - i hate smoking).
After it, and nice talk (turned out he was a businessman) i called him a taxi. Wanted to give me equivalent of 300 dollars.... I said "no its my job" but he insisted... damn its a lot when you paycheck equals 800USDs. Taxi arrived and took that guy to his home. He thank me once again and gave me his number. Sadly i don't have it anymore. But still nice thing to happen.
I worked in a pub/club in Glasgow and there was this night I was the victim of a crazy drunk woman.
It happened shortly after the smoking ban. This woman started smoking inside the place and I happened to be walking by with some glasses. I informed her that she had to either put it out or be escorted out by the bouncer.
Unlucky me had that woman wanting me to escort her out. But I couldn't do it because she actually put her cigarette out and I didn't have any reason put her out of the pub/club.
Even though I was behind the bar, she kept on hitting on me. Bouncer didn't do anything about it, other staff were mocking me and even the manager was taking the piss, teasing and instigating the woman.
She started asking me for a kiss and the manager said he'd only interfere if I gave her a kiss.
It was my first job in Glasgow, as I had just moved from Brazil. I felt humiliated, anxiety kicked in, and, fearing being fired, I had to kiss her to have some peace.
After that, depression took over and I didn't last longer in the place. Ended up being fired, but for other reason, but related to bad management nonetheless.
"The lady in question..."
Yes. I have had this happen in a venue I managed in Melbourne.
The lady in question became very forward, slightly abusive and threatening. The gentleman was obviously concerned for himself and did not like the way the date had progressed, we booked him a taxi and walked him out a back exit whilst he was going to he toilet. I spoke to the lady and covered his half of the bill. She became hysterical, paid and then left.
There was a huge power imbalance.
People Explain Which Strange Things Are Considered Normal In Their Home Country But Weird Everywhere Else
What is in the water in the United States that compels people to walk around in their homes with their shoes on? Try doing that in South Korea––people would be so mortified. I have a sibling whose apartment is carpeted from wall to wall and who walks around inside with his shoes on all the time, tracking in any manner of dirt and dust from outside. Egad! I get chills just thinking about it. And as an American, it's something I've noticed people from other countries love to comment on.
We learned a lot more about things that are considered normal in other countries after Redditor monitonik asked the online community,
"What's normal in your country that's considered weird in others?"
"I grew up in Australia..."
"I grew up in Australia and migrated to Ireland about ten years ago. First thing I noticed was people in Ireland really like to talk about death in everyday conversation: Who died. When the mass is. The removal of the body and the anniversaries of their death. It's so normal in conversation."
"Leaving a baby..."
"Leaving a baby bundled up outside to sleep. When my previous neighbours had a baby, sometimes I would pass it on the porch, just sleeping. Including in winter as long as it wasn't too cold."
And in the United States, rest assured that child services would be called ASAP.
"In Japan, there are public toilets in a few places where after urinating, you can opt to view a general health assessment report."
Sounds like a privacy issue, no?
"I live in Malaysia..."
"I live in Malaysia and nearly everyone here uses at least three languages in a sentence."
Spend some time in Miami. The official language of the city is Spanglish.
"There's this sport..."
"There's this sport in Finland called eukonkanto, where men participate in running a specific distance, all while carrying their wife or girlfriend. Winner gets their woman's weight in beer."
"It's a small country..."
"Probably talking to people so that no one else can hear you except the person you are directly talking to.
It's a skill almost all Dutch people have, I have found, but it can be very unnerving for other people because you can be sitting pretty close to two people having a conversation and have no idea what they are saying.
It's a small country and very densely populated with people who value their privacy. It's a survival skill, really."
Can we bring this to the United States? Why are people so LOUD here?
"Some areas in the country..."
"Saying "hi" or waving to strangers. Some areas in the country take it even further and you're considered rude if you drive through a residential street and don't wave to anyone walking as you pass them."
"If you're walking with a dog..."
"Walking all over the countryside along ancient footpaths (as well as bridleways and byways, and a lot of disused railway tracks that have been designated as footpaths). These paths often go across privately owned land; the landowners are required by law to keep the paths clear, and if they put up a fence to provide a gate.
If you're walking with a dog, you're expected to keep it under control around livestock and when the path crosses a road, but otherwise it's just accepted that dogs are going to run around sniffing everything."
"We have robots..."
"We have robots at busy intersections and crossing points to assist and control traffic flow."
Nice to see Chappie is getting some work.
"The other day..."
"I teach in Japan but grew up in America. The other day my students asked me wide-eyed if Americans really wear their shoes inside. I told them yes and that sometimes my dad would cross his legs like this while we sat on the sofa and I could touch the bottom of his shoes. They were super grossed out. "Eew, why would you wear shoes inside! That's so dirty!" These kids are 2nd graders so it starts pretty young."
It never hurts to travel––you'll broaden your horizons and learn more about other cultures! When the pandemic's over––I mean actually over––and it's safe enough to travel, I might just hire someone to play my wife and take part in that Finnish wife-carrying contest. Some beer sounds great.
Have some observations of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments section below!
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The brain a fascinating part of the body. No, its the most fascinating.
Scientists have said for years that we'll never know all about the brain and its functions.
So if it is so fascinating and so capable and awesome... why does it stall? Why does it overload?
Why aren't we all gifted with photographic memory? The brain definitely has a full storage issue. And we all suffer.
Redditor u/MABAMA45 wanted everyone to fess up to and just embrace all the things the brain can't handle by asking:
What can your brain just not comprehend?
I'm a smart person. I read, I study, I comprehend. But certain types of math can send me to the funny farm. I tried trigonometry in high school. I needed a therapist after a week. My brain hates math. It is what it is. I give up trying.
Louder!Meme Reaction GIF by reactionseditorGiphy
"I can't comprehend why any company would think I'm more likely to buy their product if they make their commercial 20db louder than all other commercials. Instant boycott."
"The sheer size and scale of the universe. Like the fact that you can fit all the planets of the Solar System between the Earth and the Moon. Now realise how far apart all the planets are in the Solar System. This is practically next door compared to the distance between our Sun and the nearest star."
"There are billions of stars in our Milky Way (with the majority having planets of their own). The sheer scale of the vast emptiness involved means that even when our galaxy merges with the Andromeda galaxy in 4.5 billion years' time, there will be very, very few actual collisions between stars."
"Then there is the void between galaxies, and that it takes billions of years for light, at its speed (massless, and the fastest speed possible), to travel between galaxies, speaks of the sheer emptiness and distance in that void. I can't quite fathom it."
"What was there before the universe, what was there before that, and that and that and (you get the idea)."
"Before" implies that time exists on both sides of an event, but that is not true when we are talking about the universe. Like how there are no positive numbers less than 0, there are no times before the beginning of the universe."
In the Words...
"Language, the fact that we all collectively decided separately and divertingly that certain sounds have meanings and that other sound mixed with those can change the meaning."
"Thanks for all of the upvotes and the award :3."
"Adding onto what I said, sounds are just vibrations in the air that out brains interpret into the sensation of hearing. Really we're vibrating the air at each-other and those air vibrations to your brain contain meaning. When you think about it like this language is not too dissimilar to the internet in a way. Makes you realize how crazy and unique of a skill language really is, with-ought it we wouldn't have a civilization."
"Another interesting thing related to this is when people call your name. Even if your in a crowded area with hundreds of people talking around you and you think your tuning them out if you hear your name you immediately notice, Some part of your brain must be constantly listening."
"Here are some other things my mind can't quite grasp:
- Computers, the fact that my phone is performing countless mathematical operations constantly.
- the plank length, if I understand it right it's the smallest distance anything can move, like a pixel of space.
- the human body and animals in general, were a collection of (large number but idk how large) cells all working together in various systems some how sustaining a brain that is able to be conscious, it's a miracle animals work at all let alone what they're capable of.
- why my ankles crack when I walk.
- what the future will be like, the world is changing so fast it's likely the future will be nothing like we think and it's coming." - Flaer15
I'm EmptyFun Floating GIF by Tomas BrunsdonGiphy
"My little brain can't comprehend the vast emptiness of space and the fact it supposedly just stretches on forever and never has an end. Kind of wild when you try imagine it."
Like any other muscle or organ in the body, we have to listen when pain is inflicted. We have to recognize discomfort and deal. Why don't we allow the same respect to our brain? It will tell us when enough is enough.
Simplicity...Work Working GIFGiphy
"How a simple calculator works. I can do math. I'm actually very good at it. How does a little plastic box do it though? Always boggled my mind."
"Dates. I am considered a historian by my family due to my knowledge on most world history, but God dang dates... I could be talking about WWII and say it happened the same date as WWI."
Billions of People
"That all the others persons I talk to or see, have their own thoughts, own inner dialogue and own life. For gaming analogy sometimes I just feel like others are NPC and I just can't comprehend that there are more than 7 billions person just like me."
The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
Now That's Too Much!
"I have a PhD in astronomy and MSc in Physics, and had to take ~2 years worth of quantum mechanics courses. It's one of those things where you can take solace that even with all that education on it all I can say is no one else really understands it either."
And the Dark?
"Light isn't affected by time. So... other things could just exist outside of time? Like, if you were a photon that traveled at light speed for a million years and then hit an alien's third butt, you'd experience it as instantly being a million light years away."
"A photon moves at the speed of light through space, but is standing still in time."
"A person at rest moves at the speed of light through time, but is standing still in space. When you accelerate through space, you're simultaneously decelerating through time. That's why observers will see your clock slow down when you begin accelerating at relativistic speeds. It's referred to as time and space dilation. Makes more sense once you realize that."
"There are people who don't have an internal dialogue with themselves. So, they never question if they are right or wrong. They never wonder if they are treating someone fairly, or if they are nice or mean."
"They can change their minds with no information, but it doesn't involve the process most of us go through when confronted with an opinion, or new data. It's not common, but it's not entirely rare. When I learned about this, I just couldn't understand how it was even possible."
The EndSeason 2 Episode 10 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy
"Death, obviously I understand why people die and all that but just thinking what happens afterwards. What's it like for the said person that died, is it just blackness? Is it like they're dreaming??? Reincarnation?? This probably sounds very stupid but I don't care 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️"
There is so much to learn, and even more that we'll never know. And that's ok. When the brain is full, it's full. Seems like just a part of life. The mysteries will sometimes stay illusive.
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It's okay to hate things.
Some things deserve to be hated. Internet trolls, people who mistreat animals, and individuals who talk during the movie are most definitely worthy of the scorn they gain. However, there are some items and topics which could do with a bit of rebranding. Instead of being "Hate Me," they instead deserve a sign that says, "I'm Really Not That Bad."
What doesnt need the hate it gets?
They say you hate what you don't understand. Clearly, they were thinking of things like the entries below when they came up with that expression as all of these fit the bill of being hated for not being understood.
It Cycles Past Judgement Into Comfort
"Sleeping with stuffed animals. You're never too old for that."
"Somewhat mature: Not needing a stuffed animal in order to sleep.
Very mature: Sleeping with one anyway because you don't give a f-ck what other people think."
Long Live The King
Most unfairly villainized and maligned animal in the world all because of some stupid Disney movie. They are not scavengers at all they hunt 90% of their prey and lions steal food off of them far more than they steal off lions. They are highly intelligent predators with an equally important role to play in the ecosystem."
They Go Through More Than Anyone Will Realize
I can personally confirm that I was a piece of work in grade school--then high school. And it wasn't because of teachers--it was because of me."
"As someone in high school rn, I agree with this. They get paid too little to deal with my laziness and bullsh-t"
You might have been told, either by a friend or a family member or some misguided news source, that the following topics are deserving of your hate. That their mere existence is something to shun and hate.
That's not the case.
It Tastes Soooo Good
"MSG. It's like salt but on crack and exploding with flavor."
This was a pretty racist phenomenon that got built up around Asian restaurants in the 70s and 80s.
"Essentially some study came out that MSG was bad for you and caused headaches, racing heart and basically anything else that might be considered bad. They even came up with a diagnosis for it "Chinese Restaurant Syndrome" and it was recognized as a legit medical diagnosis.
However, the FDA had already tested it and on retest found that it was still basically as safe as anything else you put in your food. .
The original studies were really flawed in that they weren't blind and there was already this perception that MSG was bad because they were racists/xenophobic."
You Know Bananas Don't Normally Look Like That, Right?
"GMOs. Humans have been slowly doing that since we started cultivating crops, now we can just do it quicker. And there are millions of people who rely on GMO crops to not starve to death."
It's important to be cautious about your own safety and well-being. No one is trying to convince you to take unnecessary risks.
However, sometimes that thing you were worried about might not be as deadly as you imagined.
They're Not All Chernobyl
"People freak out because of the radiation but almost everyone is oblivious to the amount of crap a coal or oil powerplant dumps in the atmosphere."
"Nuclear waste is relatively easy to store and modern nuceal powerplants have good safety records."
They're Just Words
Chemist here. The word "chemicals"
Toxicologist here. "Chemical free" ugggggg makes me so mad. Anything can be toxic at the right dose
Seriously. Don't Be That Parent.
"TV shows made specifically for toddlers. They are toddlers. It's all colors and shapes and being excited over simple things. That's what toddlers are about. YOU don't need to watch the show. It's not for you."
Do certain things and people deserved to be scorned? A look at Twitter will say a resounding, "Yes." But with a keener eye, and a closer look, you'll see that misinformation or misunderstanding can guide misguided to hate.
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Going to college is an exciting experience. You meet new people, learn about the world and the inner workings of society, and make lasting friendships. As fun (and expensive *cough, cough*) as higher education can be there is a reason that only one-third of the US population 25 and older have been able to complete a four-year degree program. It is hard and burnout is real.
Going through university was filled with both happiness and sometimes tears for me. I loved school and found my classes interesting, dove into extracurriculars, and had that perfectionist drive to get all A's... totally not sustainable. It hit me I was totally burnt out about two years in while enrolled in an algebra class.
I wanted to give up, I was flustered and spent way too much time trying to get a great grade in a class that just wasn't clicking for me. What did I do? I had to take a step back and reflect on what I would tell a friend in the same shoes. I would tell them they don't need to be perfect, that getting a C+ in one class wasn't going to wreck their whole GPA, and for the love of God drink water too won't just coffee.
Self-care and stealing extra sleep, even just an hour nap, can go a long way to refreshing your drive. The takeaway really was just to show me the same love and support I'd been putting out to those around me. You deserve it, too!
Redditor peachyjams asked:
"What are some tips for a burnt out student?"
The Reddit community gave this user some wonderful tips and tricks to help with student burnout.
Go at your own pace.
“Don't pressure yourself into 4 years. It's OK to take it slower. Balance out your schedule with more enjoyable elective credits if you can, or just take less courses in a semester if possible.”
“Obviously things like financial aid, living costs (if not living at home) and others may play a factor in how many courses you need to take or how quickly you need to complete college, so if you can't take less courses, talk to your advisor or counselor and work with them to carefully plan out each semester so that your coursework is balanced IE: You don't end up accidentally taking Calculus + "Fun," art class that was 1000x more work than you thought it would be in the same semester.”~zachtheperson
“Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it.”
“I feel very qualified to answer this. I have been in college continuously since I was 18, and I'm now 32. I have 2 years to go before finishing my doctorate. I currently have an associate's, bachelor's, and master's. I have also worked the entire time. Burnt out doesn't begin to cover it. Here is how I stay sane:
- Give school as little bandwidth in your life as possible. "Good enough" are the two most beautiful words in the English language. Get Bs on things. Write your assignments and due dates on a master calendar, block off times to get them done, and try to avoid thoughts of school outside of those blocks.
- To increase productivity during your work blocks, use Freedom or something similar. I paid for a lifetime subscription and in one class alone it paid for itself. It just blocks access to your distractions on the phone and computer while you get stuff done.
- Tackle other hobbies in life that you see progress in outside of school. Even if it feels like school will never ever end and you're on a treadmill of misery going nowhere, you can go somewhere in other areas of your life. I'm currently training for a marathon, just started learning cello, I mentor first gen college students, and I'm in a book club. Pick your poison, but try to put away the laptop and push yourself in a non-academic area.
- Your social needs may vary, but try getting together with other people not in your circle of school misery. Join a sports league (yuck for me but maybe not for you). I host regular dinner parties. Volunteer. Now that vaccines are out, make sure you get one then connect with other people.
- DO NOT TAKE A BREAK. When you stop school even for a semester you know what it's like to be happy and not have the weight of misery pulling you down. You won't want to go back. Slog through and just do it.
- Don't reward yourself with damaging things. Don't eat or drink your rewards for school or you will be unhealthy and unhappy when you're done. Reward yourself with something positive instead."
If I had to recommend one book, it would be 'Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle'. Basically, it goes into the science of feeling burned out, why it's bad for you, and how to fix it on a physiological level."
“If you don't want to read the whole thing, if I could distill the most useful information it would be: exercise. The author digs deep into the science (which I love) behind why it works SO DAMN GOOD, but if you hate science and reading, trust me. Go for a run a few times a week, lift weights, dance a lot, just get your heart rate up. Good luck. School sucks."~bicycle_mice
You don’t have to be perfect.walking dead love GIFGiphy
“If you're an A student I would suggest lowering your personal bar. Being constantly burnt out isn't worth the 0.2 difference in your GPA and if you're worried about career prospects there are always comparable fields that aren't quite as competitive.”
“Trying to get an A in every class takes disproportionally more work. If you can get A's and a few more B's while getting to chill every once and a while and not stressing, do that.”~SlightlyOvertuned
Lists are seriously underrated.
If your sensation is of being overwhelmed (i.e. you have an impossible amount of work to do with no end in sight) more than burnt out (you are exhausted and becoming detached from the work), then two tips:
- Realise that it's not infinite. If you stick it out until graduation (and I hope you do!), then many of the problems you're accumulating will be wiped clear. Perhaps your GPA/final grade won't be as good as you want, but remember that whatever you're facing now - this too shall pass. Knowning that there is an inevitable light at the end of the tunnel is useful for me.
- Make a list. If you are the under-organised type, making a list of things to do each morning on a sheet of paper dramatically reduces the stress level that those items cause you. You can implement some fancy to-do software if you prefer but tbh a daily todo is simpler and more effective...”~alexandicity
A book and a blanket? Make it so.read new york GIFGiphy
“When I was a burnt out student I took solace in a comfort zone activity. Something unrelated to my school work that I could dive into for a little while when I needed a break. For me, this was reading the Lord of the Rings.”
“What works for you depends one what's in your comfort zone, but it should be something that you can easily pick up and put down again when it is time to get back to work.”
“To this day, I still read the Lord of the Rings when I get stressed or overworked. In fact, I am reading it now, for the 48th time.”~khendron
“Lots of things you could try! Sleep. 8 hours a day, wake up spontaneously without an alarm and if you feel the need do a 30-90 minute power nap in the afternoon.”
“Meditate daily, 5-30 minutes to start in the morning or whenever you feel comfortable. Limit the consume of caffeine.”
“Plan a healthy diet you can stick to, reducing the amount of junk food first to focus later on the composition of your main meals, snacks and so on. Eat plenty of greens, fruit, nuts and drink mainly water or sugar free drinks.”
“Take cold showers. Those are a huge boost, especially in the morning. Decompress. As someone said, take the days you need to just do nothing during your week. Last but not least, workout! Start small, build the habit and stick to it!“~Tha_Sin
“...it's pretty normal in our over worked society.”
“Burnout is real. It means you have given too much of yourself to something, and you need to recover. While deadlines don't wait, professors often will. “
“You have to communicate with them if you are struggling. If they are worth their pay, they will do their best to accommodate you. It's unhealthy to continue under so much stress. Be kind to yourself.”
“Nearly everyone experiences this at some point in life, and it's pretty normal in our over worked society. Do what you can to clear your mind. Assign yourself a certain number of hours to completely shift gears away from all these responsibilities.”
“Set an alarm if you have to, but give yourself enough time to reach a stage of full body relaxation. You can try walking, meditating, sleeping, whatever your body needs. Just listen to it! There is no shame here. You must care for yourself and keep a balance. Deep breaths, often.”~VaginaWarrior
“Yes to this advice!! Let teachers know ASAP that you are struggling and often they will be able to make accommodations or offer help. Also, looking into counseling services that are offered through the school is definitely worth taking advantage of while that stuff is accessible and free.”~shannonbta
“because a b*tch needs water...”
“My bad day thing is I have to get up, eat (even if it's takeout), put on fresh bedsheets because if I'm having a bad day in bed it might as well be comfortable and smell good, have a shower (even just shoulders down) and go for even a small walk, even if it's to the shop or to get myself that takeout."
“They're not huge things to do but they're very difficult on some days. And I don't always do them all, maybe I just eat and shower, or go for a walk, or just change my bedsheets. But all of them are small tasks that feel like mountains but once I do one or two of them they're so so easy, and I benefit from them all mentally or physically or both."
“And I have a litre bottle of water and cup of tea at my side at all times because a b!tch needs water and there are few things as comforting as a good cup of tea in a warm mug to me."~thisisausername-2021
“I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad.”
- “Don't listen to your fellow classmates who boast about study 60+ hours a week, they're either exaggerating, straight-up lying, or have an incredibly inefficient study method. There will be times where you really need to be studying hard for extended amounts of time (ex. finals week), but for the vast majority of the semester it is completely unnecessary to do that in order to get a good grade.”
- “If you do find that you need excessive study in order to do okay in a course then you need to reach out to your TA(s) and professor. Most universities have free tutoring services, use them.”
- “Seriously just take more breaks and get more sleep. I didn't pull a single all-nighter in my 4 years of undergrad and now that I'm in med school I don't have any need for that either. Without real breaks and sleep your brain's ability to actually store and organize all the information you've studied goes out the window. This is harder to do if you need to work to support yourself but you need to find some semblance of healthy sleeping habits if you want to be able to make it through all 4 years.”
- “Eat real food. Don't just live off of snack foods and coffee, your brain isn't going to work properly if you don't fuel it. It's generally cheaper to buy canned and frozen fruit and veg so if you're on a budget try those aisles. Additionally, most places have some sort of charity or community pantry/soup kitchen, use it if you need to.You don't need to be completely destitute in order to reach out for help from these places, if you are struggling to make ends meet get help from your community. It is not weak, it is not shameful, it's being smart enough to accept that everyone needs help now and then.”
- “I mean it, don't pay attention to classmates and social media influencers who say they spend all their time studying. They almost definitely aren't and if they are they have an unsustainable view towards work/school that will bite them in the butt later on.”~JSD12345
Treat yourself to a mini-vacation.
“If you have any extra money (I know, easier said than done) book the cheapest AirBNB you can find within the area you can get to with the transportation you have available. Go alone or bring a friend, and have a mini-vacation, just for a night or weekend. It's very refreshing to have a change of scenery, even if it's in your same city.”~goshawkgirl
These are some great ideas to help cope with the all to real burnout. Remember to show yourself the grace you give to others because your best is all you can do.