Trigger Warning: This article will mention rape, though not graphically.
There are few things in the world worse than attempting to guilt someone into sex - and I'm zero percent about to list them. One Reddit user's boyfriend of just SIX WEEKS tried to guilt her into sex by claiming that he was suffering from his virginity, she owed him, and that his favorite artist had died that day and his favorite sports team had won a game that day do it was special. Then, when she refused, he sent her pictures of himself crying to prove how much he was "suffering."
She went to Reddit for advice after they talked, he apologized, but she still couldn't let go of how disrespected and disgusted she felt.
Here's her initial post:
We've been together for 6 weeks and we're both still virgins. I'm his first girlfriend and he seems to be suffering from the fact that he's a virgin a lot more than me.
A week ago he texted me and asked if we could meet up for sex for the first time. When I told him that I wasn't ready for sex yet, he started to beg and say that he was suffering from the fact that we haven't had sex and that „a man needs sex". When I wouldn't give in, he sent me photos of him (fake?)-crying to show me how much he's suffering and told me about all the things he has done for me and that now it was my turn to do something for him, meaning having sex with him. I was shocked by his sense of entitlement and disregard for my feelings. I got really weirded out and texted him multiple times that I wasn't ready. He was clearly trying to guilt trip me into having sex with him by acting like he's suffering and I „owe" him.
I finally had enough and told him that I needed more time and if he can't accept that, we need to break up. It was only then that he changed his approach. He told me he was an idiot and didn't want to lose me and apologized for acting the way he did. We then met in person to talk about it, he again apologized repeatedly for what he did and told me that he doesn't care how long he has to wait for sex, it could be one week, month or even year. Apparently, that day was an important date to him, because his favorite musician died and his favorite sports team won a game, and that's why he wanted to lose his virginity on that exact date. What bothers me is that he tried to emotionally manipulate me into have sex with him, and I don't know if I was wrong for accepting his apology. He hasn't mentioned sex since then and asked if we could go on a „normal" date again but what he did is still bothering me. Am I overthinking? Is it just his inexperience with girls and rejection that made him act that way?
tl;dr
Boyfriend is a virgin and started begging for sex
When I wouldn't give in, he tried guilt tripping me into having sex by sending me photos of him crying, implying that I owe him sex.
He then apologized a lot for acting that way but it's still bothering me quite a lot and I don't know if I'm overreacting...
So ... you know how sometimes people are really nice and understanding when they respond to threads? Yeah, this isn't one of those times. They laid into him HARD. Heh. Pun.
Here are some of my favorite responses, edited for language 'cause WOW language. Understandably.
Dry As The Sahara
GiphyIf your vagina isn't as dry as the Sahara by the point he sends you a pic of himself fake crying to get what he wants, surely that reason would destroy any possible attraction.
Personally I'm sure mine would detach if I was told that to my face.
- Madrid53
Time To Manipulate My Girlfriend
He was coercing you into sex and had you given in, he wouldn't mind having sex with you even though you're clearly very unenthusiastic... I'd break up just because of this.
Imagine how selfish he would be in bed, since he clearly thinks that sex is a favor that you owe him, rather than a mutually pleasurable act. Coming from someone who's slightly more sexually experienced than you: Never date a guy that doesn't try to make the sex as awesome for you as it is for him, or make sure that you're 100% enthusiastic about it. Enthusiastic consent is a thing.
Btw, it's important to lose your virginity on the same day as your favorite musician dying?? Do you even believe his excuse?? "I experienced some emotions - time to manipulate my girlfriend into having sex with me even though she's very unwilling." What's next?
Run
Run, run far away.
No one should try to pressure you into sex, that he went to these extremes shows this isn't just someone who made a mistake without realizing, he was intentionally manipulative - this is a HUGE RED FLAG. This is abusive behavior, there is no excuse for this, not his being a guy with needs or his past dating experiences, nor does his apology make it okay.
You accepted his apology but that doesn't mean you've now got to continue the relationship.
A Contact Lens
GiphyHopefully he'll learn from this and not do it again. The good news is, you are under no, and I mean zero obligation to stick around to see how it turns out. Six weeks is such a short amount of time and I personally wouldn't want to lose a contact lens in bed with someone like this, let alone my virginity.
A Dead Musician
He wanted to lose his virginity because of a dead musician and a sports team...not because he wanted to experience the highest intimacy two people can have.
Gotta Take A Selfie First
GiphyA 22yo adult virgin male saying a man needs sex is the most ironic thing I've ever heard. I'm pretty sure your (hopefully soon to be ex) boyfriend ticked every box in the emotionally manipulative check list.
Also the fake crying? Who thinks "oh man I'm so upset but hold up, gotta take a selfie first" He's a certified dill.
Not Turn Ons
He doesn't understand that to have sex, you also need to feel sexy and be aroused. Fake crying, whining and begging aren't turn ons for MOST people.
Which is probably why he's still a virgin.
Pulling Up The Drawbridge
Aaaaaaaaand that's the sound of my vagina clanging shut and pulling up the drawbridge.
Seriously, f^ck this guy, or rather don't. That is the most over-the-top manipulative bullsh!t I have ever heard of when it comes to sex. Absolutely disgusting. You listen to me, if he will go to these lengths once, he WILL do it again. He'll look for arguments and tactics you can't resist. If you stay with him, you will either give in and have sex you're not ready for, or quite likely, he will rape you. This guy is a VERY high rape risk because he feels entitled to sex and doesn't care if you want it.
Dump him. You gave him an honest chance and he showed you who he was. Use that information and get out.
Hey, Guy Here...
GiphyHey, guy here... you, as a girl, should recognize this as bullsh!t. He cares about the sex more than a relationship with you. If you feel the same, go for it. The pictures of him crying is so f^cking weird. Kind of indicative of someone that still has some growing up to do, and needs to learn to not put sex on a pedestal. This definitely seems like someone that would tell you whatever you need to hear, so they can get into your pants. If you want him to get into your pants, go for it. Otherwise, recognize that this is someone that will be manipulative with you. Not exactly long-term relationship material. At least not now, let someone else deal with his bull.
- karth
H/T: Reddit
Curious about what constituted low points, Reddit user beesechugersports asked:
"What was the worst year of your life?"
Childhood Trauma
"1987. I was 13."
My dad was killed when he was hit by a car. Total accident."
"I think about the driver sometimes. I hope he forgave himself."
"I honestly don't recall ever feeling anything toward that guy. I think I was more upset with the neighbor who came to our door to tell us he thought my dad was in an accident."
"My mom piled us in the car and we drove down the street to the scene. My dad's body was under a sheet.
"That night I was numb until my mom hugged me and I bawled in her arms. After that I pretty much shut down emotionally for a couple decades."
"Took me a long time to get help for my own PTSD."
~ surfingonmars
Losses
"2011 - Lost my job, girlfriend, friends, had to move back in with my folks where I fell into a deep depression."
"That went on on until 2014 when I was able to turn the ship around."
~ max-peck
"People underestimate how horrible those 2-3 yrs of depression feel."
"I was in rock bottom depression for 2 yrs and it felt like a decade passing by."
~ secondhand_bra
Future Derailed
"2012. The year started out great. I met and befriended an adult film actress on my birthday and had an active sex life for the first time ever."
"I was finally off the night shift at my job. I applied for grad school. I was accepted into a program for veterans at the Writer's Guild of America."
"I had finally arrived."
"But by September it was all over. My relationship with 'Nadia' had turned toxic and ended in a huge fight."
"I was rejected from grad school. The WGA program didn't pan out for me."
"Worst of all, I was fired from my good job. I nearly became homeless and had to go back to working the night shift guarding a gated community in Beverly Hills."
"By the year's end, I was alone and broke (I would declare bankruptcy early the next year) with no hope for the future."
~ SgtSharki
Economic Downturn
"2014. My business suffered a 4 million dollar loss."
"Then my fiancée who I was with for 6 years left me for her boss just 3 months before our wedding."
"I wasn't able to find another partner but I did recover from the absolute shambles I was in."
"Just the fact that I'm able to function normally and interact with people again without breaking down is a big win for me."
~ S_MZ
Post College Struggles
"2014—the year I graduated college and was looking for work and had bad acne and unrelenting pressure from my parents and a poor social life and I worked Uber while studying for the Chartered Financial Analyst exam that I ended up failing."
~ Damerman
Friends Lost
"2017. I lost my best friend that year.. we met during our first year of university and immediately hit it off and became close."
"We were inseparable for 7 years. I’ve never been the same since then.. I died with him."
"I wish I could’ve helped him.. I wish I could just take one last drive and smoke one last cigarette with him ,and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me."
"Please tell your friends that you love them whenever you get the chance.. you never know when will be the last time you hang out together."
~ Syouf
Seeing the Light
"2018. Realized I was part of a cult."
"It was called the Great Commission Churches when I attended though they’ve changed their name multiple times over the years when they’ve been accused of abusive practices."
~ Consistent-Way-2018
Long Road to Recovery
"2019. Last straw at my job, where the management team turned on me, resulting in me putting in my 2 weeks after my complaint against a lying supervisor was dismissed."
"Had no more income, so I couldn't pay rent, and thus had to move out of the shared house I had with a friend and his fiancée (wasn't on lease, had no obligation to stay, and the fiancée even told me "you know, you don't have to live here" during an argument)."
"Said fiancée convinced him to turn on me and drop me as a friend, which resulted in him going off and convincing the only other friend I had to do the same."
"Covid hit."
"My cat developed a genetic illness that paralyzed her and my step-father put her down behind my back. My childhood dog developed cancer and was suffering so she was also put down, but I was able to hold her while she passed."
"Great aunt died of cancer, great uncle (other side of family) died of cancer."
"That was the lowest I've ever been, and I haven't even recovered 20% yet."
~ Whatsa-Throwaway
Pandemic Pandemonium
"2021 was the year when my mental health was worse than ever."
"Looking back I'm proud of myself that I just survived."
~ Master-Mood1816
"Well done on that and also, same."
"2021 can go straight in the bin."
~ sicklything
GiphyAftermath
"On the flip side 2021 was probably one of the best years of mine as an adult."
"My girlfriend and I were able to spend so much time together because she was only working maybe 1 day a week and I worked at an empty warehouse from 7 to 3 Monday to Friday."
"When everything went back to normal we both were working so much we ended up splitting up, so I guess 2022 sucked pretty bad."
~ ofTHEbattle
"2023. By far the worst year of my life.
"Got laid off, took forever to find a new job, fiancée got pregnant then lost it then she got cancer, hated my new job, went heavily into debt to survive, fiancée beats cancer, she gets a life insurance payout from her father's passing, she gets pregnant again."
"Then I find out after she up and vanishes suddenly that every single thing was a lie. She faked it all from top to bottom for two years and pulled the rug out from under me, suddenly running off with our dogs."
"Since then I guess she needs some sick gratification that she’s not getting from just all that and continues to stalk me on social media/Reddit as well as spoof her phone number to text me sh*t with purely the intent of trying to hurt me."
"Losing the dogs hurt and still hurts, won’t lie, but being rid of her has been nothing short of a blessing."
~ Ok_Outside_4650
"This year—2023."
"My dog died in June."
"My wife died in July."
"My cat died in August."
"I have 5 kids."
~ MichaelHoncho
Dear whatever doesn't kill me, I'm strong enough now.
"Every year seems to beat the previous."
~ BenChodABQ
Oof, that's a lot to take.
While some are still going through it, many have already come out on the other side.
Here's hoping better days are ahead soon for everyone.
Giphy
The Final Destination movies are not good for those who have any phobias, as the franchise taps into all your fears.
In spite of the films making audiences paranoid about cheating death, it does make you think about our mortality and of the many times we may have had brushes with death.
No matter how hard the characters tried to avoid it, they could never change their fate because any attempt to do so would only result in death striking back with an unforgiving vengeance.
However, there are exceptions.
Strangers online reflected on their evasiveness when Redditor yuckyduckph asked:
"How did you almost die?"
Beauty grows in nature.
But don't be fooled, for risks abound.
Potent Bloom
"Got lost in the Bolivian rainforest for three days after consuming tea made from angel trumpets."
– Leftsuitcase
"I have Angel's Trumpets (Datura) in my back yard, and everywhere in my neighborhood / around town. I don't know how many people realize how toxic they are. In some areas in S America, people refuse to even stand near them. They're quite beautiful in full bloom, tho. NS if all the species (inc hybrids) are dangerous. Cue: botanist."
"I've never understood you people who go drink random plant potions in the jungle, far from hospitals, with 'shamans' 'n' sh*t. Half of my friends have done that. But another friend of mine recently died that way. He was super smart and cautious, too. Had a family. Always be skeptical, wary, and weigh out risks.""
– manlypanda
Warning Ignored
"I was leaving a restaurant with my boyfriend one night and saw a couple in the parking lot messing around."
"She was dancing seductively with a big bunch of Oleander flowers gripped in her teeth."
"For those that don’t know, Oleanders are very popular for hedges, hard to kill, but are extremely toxic. You’re not supposed to trim them without gloves."
"I stopped in a panic screaming at her to spit it out while telling her boyfriend they were toxic and she should go to the ER immediately."
"They thought I was kidding and told me to basically f'k off. My boyfriend dragged me away and said we should get out of there because we didn’t want to see how it ended..."
– flavius_lacivious
Rare Respiratory Attack
"Caught an incredibly rare fungus that attacked my lungs and would have attacked my other internal organs. Took two years to diagnose because it’s so rare. Only patient my respirologist has ever seen with it. Dropped to almost 80 pounds. I could literally feel myself slowly dying."
"Infectious aspergillosis. Extremely rare. Almost everyone has some aspergillis in their system because it’s everywhere."
– KathAlMyPal
The ocean holds many secrets.
Dangerous Stunt
"In the fall of '91 I was in Hawaii and dove into this blow hole in Hanauma Bay. (That's not me in the video, but it's the blow hole.)"
"My buddies were doing it and it was no problem for them."
"The problem for me was that I was a lot bigger than them, so my lats got stuck as I was face down in the hole."
"The concept is you time the waves and dive in just as the water recedes and the flow pulls you through."
"Well, I got stuck and had to wiggle my way down, ripping up the skin on my lats and ribs."
"So I finally get down and I have to swim like a mofo, but it's too late...the next flow is coming in."
"I'm at the edge, almost there, so I have to grab onto the edge with both hands like a kidnapping victim holds the doorframe so as not to be abducted."
"The wave cycle is not very long, but when you're doing something new and panicking, it feels like an eternity."
"I've heard they have closed off this portion of the bay."
"I know I don't need to do that again!"
– saleswhisperer
Massive Rip Tide
"I swam under the diving rock at Waimea Bay and almost didn't make it to other side (smoker). Same day they dug out the lagoon channel to make the endless wave. My 'friend' took me out to learn bodysurfing the shorebreak and it was about 8 foot sets which were HUGE and heavy. We go to swim out and get absolutely pummeled and pulled out. Then trying to get back in we got sucked into that lagoon river outflow and it was basically a massive rip tide. In about five minutes we were 400 yards out in the bay with out a boogie/surf board. We had to swim east towards sunset Bay to get to shore. I still can't believe we made it."
– Brutusmatic
Place To Avoid
"Exploring tidal cliffs, accidentally slipped into the water. Went in sideways, narrowly missed hitting my head. Just barely clawed my way out of the rough tidal zone; it was way over my head & was so choppy I was being slammed against rock. Please be careful around tidal cliff zones!"
– beachblanketparty
Grateful For Jellyfish
"When I was about 14 I slipped on a tidal cliff hit my head and went into the water, luckily I didn’t go unconscious but I was caught in the under current and couldn’t see which way was up because it was so f'king cold and dark (Oregon coast, pacific ocean), and just as I was about to give up I saw all these tiny jellyfish above me and swam towards them, got me to the surface and I was able to make it back to shore because I was a pretty strong swimmer at the time."
"Thank you Jellyfish"
"Several years later two people I know were hit by a sneaker wave very close to the same spot and they both died being crushed up against those rocks."
– CurseofLono88
Things don't get any better on terra firma.
Nearly Skewered
"T-boned by a cement truck. Guy at the tow yard couldn’t believe I was still alive."
– psharp203
"I can't believe you are still alive either, I've watched two of those cave a road and heard horror stories about them tipping. You good? Got all ya bits n pieces?"
– FlyerOfTheSkys
The Major Rescue Operation
"Went on a high elevation alpine hike on Mt. Rainier with an out of town friend. At around 10,000 feet we decided it was time to head back down the mountain. About five minutes into the descent I was in an uncontrolled glissade across a snow field."
"Even though I knew better, after I was unable to slow myself I put my feet down. That's when my crampons bit into the snow and stopped me, sending all of the force into my legs. I heard an unsettling pop and felt excruciating pain. As soon as I stopped I looked down and saw that the heel of my left boot was where the toe should have been."
"I had severely broken my leg and I was at least a 3 hour hike down with sunlight (and warmth) declining. We were not equipped to be there after dark. Within a couple of minutes I could feel my extremities beginning to tingle. Was going into shock. Fortunately, I had some glucose gel packs which I began to suck on. And that seemed to keep the shock at bay."
"Which was a good thing because the radiating pain was quite enough. Our cell phones weren't working well but another stroke of luck was that I had put a GMRS radio in the bottom of my pack and as such we were able to get word out on the radio that we were in trouble and needed help."
"Ham radio operators heard us and relayed our position and the details to the rangers. The National Park Service couldn't get a helicopter that was willing to fly to that elevation so late in the day (on a Sunday in early October). So they had to gather a party of climbing rangers to come get me."
"A couple of other climbers on the way up the mountain really saved me by giving up their climb and assisting me, covering me with sleeping bags and making tea while one of them went back down the mountain to meet the rangers coming up. Shock and hypothermia very likely would have done me in that night if they hadn't happened upon us and helped."
"It was pitch dark and freezing cold by the time the rangers arrived four hours later. They strapped me into a litter and had to carry me off the mountain. Unfortunately, the climbing rangers are not EMTs and do not dispense meds. So even though they were doing all of the work on the climb down it was absolutely excruciating for me. It was almost 9 hours between the time of the accident and the time I checked in to the emergency room."
– cjboffoli
The one time I casually got certified as a scuba driver was when I was in Cozumel, Mexico, I almost drowned.
I went exploring in an underwater cave, where I probably shouldn't have gone as an amateur diver. I remember swimming upwards and smacking my head pretty hard on some rock work. I felt like I was about to pass out.
I tried my best not to panic, which probably saved my life. I slowly found my way out of the darkness and eventually out of the waters. I felt dizzy the rest of the day.
Yeah, I haven't gone scuba diving since.
