Everybody wants to be thought of as special. Every parent believes their child is special and gifted beyond measure and the rest of the world needs to bask in the glory of their offspring. That can be a lot of pressure for children to battle. Their is no ONE definition that makes anyone special. What is special? Or gifted? Having the I.Q. of Einstein doesn't make you accomplished or define your humanity. So when we discover our brain power is just as good as anybody's we learn that other things can be far more important to survival.
Redditor u/JayTheFearless wanted to hear the truth from those who have discovered they aren't quite as brilliant as they were lead to believe by wondering.... People who were told they were "gifted" growing up, how did you deal with realizing that you were pretty average?
Bless the Mediocrity!Giphy
To be honest, it was a massive relief. I'd gone through school as The Clever One and when I went to Uni, finding out that I was solidly mediocre was a blessing. All of a sudden, I could be myself - I didn't need to worry about doing the best in exams or getting a first. I enjoyed my time, got a very average 2:1 and now have a fun job where there's no pressure to be 'gifted.' With_Difficulty
It doesn't matter how smart you are; you always hit the level where you meet people who are equally smart. Or good looking, or athletic, or savvy. And when you measure up the competition and see that they're as good as you or better, you'll come to realize: being smart just gets you a seat at the table.
Raw talent, no matter how little or how much, can only accomplish so much. At some point, you will be forced to ask the question 'what can I do, and what do I want to do with that?' The answers can lead you to a fulfilling life, at pushing your capabilities and achieving things you've fought for - but you have to find the answers first. ReplicatedPenguin
The Truth will out!
Haha I didn't deal with it very well at all. I went to a private school, I was in the gifted class all through high school. Always told I was smart and creative.
I was shocked when just showing up and winging it wasn't good enough anymore. I had a breakdown at University, dropped out and was depressed doing as little as possible with my life for years.
Instead of realizing that everyone needs to make mistakes and work hard on things to grow I was like "Oh I guess I was wrong and I'm actually stupid, guess I'll figure out how to live life as a dumb idiot."
I think telling someone their value is their intelligence is a really unhealthy mindset to encourage, especially in a kid. It's not how I choose friends, it's not what makes someone good to work with, it's not gonna mean someone is well adjusted or happy. Bitter-root
I Got This!
I didn't try at all in high school and I was 3rd in my grade. The few times I studied I would always get the top mark.
I didn't study for most of my finals and got into engineering at the best uni in my country.
I was told that it's difficult but my dumb @ss was like, "I got this." Didn't go to class, didn't do homework, didn't study for tests. Barely passed the first tests, still didn't study. Completely failed the 2nd test (I got 9% for my one test).
I was like, "well I guess I'm stupid." Didn't study for exams, because I'm too dumb, failed 2 courses. Got really suicidal.
Continued with my same stuff. Was sure I'd get kicked out. Idk how I've made it this far.
I have zero work ethic, I just failed a maths test because I started "studying" the day of the test. Accepting you're stupid is so much easier than actually trying. AwkwardSpacePotato
Deal with it Snowflake!Giphy
It was kind of an "I told you so" moment too.
"Wow you learned how to divide! So talented"
"Well that was the assignment so.."
"You read Shakespeare! Gifted child!"
"Again I'm just doing what you tell me and doing it in the timeframe you ask.."
"You're reading for fun! You're not like other kids your age!"
"I'm just re-reading Hatchet for the seventh time. Most of my friends read too."
Then I'm in college and it's like "Ha! You're average! Bet nobody ever told you that huh?? Well tough crap snowflake! You have to deal with it!" TimerForOldest
Keep the motivation!
Posting thing because honestly, coming to terms that I wasn't some super intelligent genius sucked. I always thought I'd be able to do complex computer stuff or maybe build a spaceship, but I'm nowhere near that level. I've found my own strengths now, and I'm actually much happier now that my ego isn't super inflated by adults commenting on how "mature" and "gifted" I was. That kind of praise killed my motivation to study, because I thought I would just know things automatically. I'm in Uni now, but it's because I worked really hard for it, and learning those study habits I didn't develop as a kid really kicked my butt for a while. JayTheFearless
It keeps going down hill ever since elementary school. I haven't been able to deal with it. It's my depression and lack of motivation that's been stopping me from being my best. It's a hard spiral to get out of. XMED
Forget smart... don't be lazy!
This is what I struggle with. I was never identified as gifted, but I was always smart enough that being ahead of the group didn't require any studying. As a result, I didn't develop a work ethic at a young age and, if I'm not careful, I have a tendency to slip into laziness.
What I told my niece years ago rings true. Dumb people who don't work hard will be failures. Smart people who don't work hard will do OK. Dumb people who work hard will do OK, too, and maybe even get farther than the lazy smart people. But the people who really go places are smart people who know how to work hard. Brains and a work ethic are an important combination.
But, even though I know that, it's pretty darn hard not to fall back into old habits... Sean_Ornery
Honestly telling a kid that they're gifted/mature is one the worst things you can do, I didn't like hanging out with people my age when I was young because they were into "kid stuff" but now all I feel like is that I wasted my childhood and didn't develop proper social skills, I'm at university now and I still get compliments from my peers for being "well read" but I'm envious of every single one of the other people, I'd much rather struggle academically and have a group of people to have lunch with and go out, the only reason I still am reading so much is because it is the only thing that makes spending so much time alone not utterly humiliating. C_T_Robinson
Nothing special IS special....Giphy
Since childhood my parents encouraged me to exercise, so I tried a lot of sports and in most of the places I went to, I'd hear that I was talented or that I was an "easy-learner." Turns out, I'm nothing special, the thing that I noticed was that when I started something, I would dive heads deep in it. I would go to practice, come back home and watch videos about whatever I was doing. My world and total attention would become that one thing. furiouspride
Do you 'Get It?'
Absolutely, I've always been told that I was a genius for understanding things so fast and being cultivated (relatively and that has nothing to do with being smart either but eh) despite not working/listening.
But when I started studying at higher levels and I realized I wasn't able to get good grades anymore because people around me were way better and expectations were much higher. I tried to start studying but despite trying a good number of working environments and getting better habits I could never manage to 'get it' and focus.
It felt really bad because I thought that I only had my intellect and I was put with several at least as 'smart' as me and way better working.
After failing I went studying in another school where the level is much lower and people are calling me a genius again which kinda feels bad now that I've experienced that being smart is relative and that understand fast doesn't make you competent. Sensonin
Everyone was First place!
I gradated from high school as valedictorian and got into a great college. I got to college and turns out, my new peers were valedictorians too! All of the sudden I was average, and the material only got more difficult. I was always a hard worker, but this hammered home that being smart does not negate the need to push yourself. sullyonthemove
Just being YOU is a success....Giphy
Although it sucks being that guy, it depends on your personality; I took it well because it helped me realize that I don't need 3 PhD's to prove my potential. golden-sauce
It's just a label...
Looking back, I'm not sure how I made it into the group. I always knew I was the least gifted out of the group of us who were in the "gifted and talented" program. When we got into high school, I had the lowest grades in the group. Yea, low 90s were my thing, but that's not anything special, especially in a school renowned for its academic program. I never made it into the top 10 for grades. However, I'd always score in the 97th to 99th percentile for the standardized testing.
Unlike others in the group, I didn't possess any natural talents or any drive for extra knowledge. I liked extracurricular activities and being a leader, but that's also because I was a big fish in a small pond. I suppose I demonstrated analytical and leadership skills.
I've done well in life in terms of get degrees and professional job(s). I don't earn as much money as I could since I don't like enjoy the stress that comes with the money.
My life is consistently above average. I do pretty well at things I try but never amazing. I cannot say I've ever excelled at anything. While I'm happy where I am, I do wonder if it's because I don't apply myself enough or if it's because I just never found my "thing." flabbergastedpanda
Reality hit me like a ton of bricks when I finished college. All through school, I was top of the class, valedictorian, summa cum laude, etc. Turns out I wasn't really 'gifted' at all, I was just really good at jumping through all the hoops of the education system. Give me an assignment, and exam, I will ace it. When it came to forging my own path out in the real world, where there is no syllabus and no one cares about your GPA I got overwhelmed with how clueless I actually was about everything. Struggled with that "imposter syndrome" for many years and stayed pretty stagnant (although a still a classic "good employee") while I watched my peers move way ahead of me in their careers. I eventually figured out my workplace was pretty toxic and things have improved with a new job, and setting career goals for myself. But yeah, I'm average. snarkbitten
Have you ever heard the phrase, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room?" I think for me, when I was in K-12, it's hard to find the right room. But when you get to college or choose a career, there are suddenly a lot more options for rooms to choose from. One of my goals in life is to always be moving forward, constantly improving in some way; frequently, this means increasing my knowledge or technical skill level, especially since I'm in my mid-20's. So although it's been difficult to find "the right room," it's much more gratifying, since that means that I'm surrounded by people I can learn from and with.
I guess what it comes down to in the end is your attitude. Sure, it sucks not being handed things because you're viewed as some sort of elite. But I enjoy feeling like I earned something through effort and determination, so it's worth those occasional moments of doubt. Lucky_Asian
I eventually grew out of that too and realized I'm not just average. I got through high school and college without ever learning to study or focus, so once I started my first real job and had to deal with failing for the first time, it made me feel like I was stupid and everyone had been lying to me my whole life to make me feel better. Eventually though, I realized that wasn't true either. If you're identified as gifted as a kid, you probably are, but rather than having to overcome difficulty learning things, you have to overcome difficulty with actually doing things instead of skating by despite being a lazy fuck.
He said, while on reddit at work... ElToberino
The Dumb Guy....
I knew from the start. I've always been a gifted speaker and fairly logical so people thought I was intelligent. It's actually really annoying because I have never gotten the help I needed in life. People always assume I have motivational issues or distractions because I'm a "smart guy." My intelligence and ability has NEVER been questioned.
I didn't deal with this well at all. I gave up in school because I got too far behind without getting help. So I straight up quit after 9th grade and started working. I wasn't going to waste my time anymore. But I sometimes wonder if I had gotten the help I needed then perhaps I would have been able to make a better life for myself. Jauxerous
The Dream will come....
I had a teacher-parent growing up. I was frequently told that I had an above average IQ and I should go study and stuff. I was a lazy person and didn't study a lot. I dropped out of no less than three higher education courses/schools that would have been my ticket to studying at an university.
Why didn't I study? Because I was sure I wouldn't need any degrees in my dream job. Guess what? I was right. wildfoxtattoo
It's odd honestly.
I was told I was gifted because I pick things up really quickly, and I still do. But I've always lacked the motivation to stick with one thing long enough to be excellent at it.
I typically change jobs every 18 months, and I'll stick with a hobby for 6 months or so before getting bored. I'm average-above average at a whole lot of different things, but I'm not truly exceptional at anything. TheRealGunn
- How bad should we feel for burnt-out gifted kids? | The Outline ›
- Not All Children Are Gifted ›
- Is Your Child Gifted? What to Look for, Why You Should Know ... ›
- Signs your child is gifted ›
- The Trouble With Bright Kids ›
- Do children need to know they're gifted? - Chicago Tribune ›
- Teachers' Expectations Can Influence How Students Perform : Shots ... ›
- Pros and Cons of Telling Children They Are Gifted ›
- Should we tell them they're gifted? Should we tell them how gifted? ›
No two people react the same way to a pungent odor, gratuitous violence in film and television, or unruly, off-putting behavior.
As some people have a fairly high tolerance for gore, aren't bothered by taste and smell, and are so patient that they simply aren't bothered by anyone.
Although, everyone has their limits.
And despite what they might say, there are very few people who don't have one thing which even the very thought of will make them gag, just a little bit.
"What genuinely disgusts you?"
Do They Think It Will Just Vanish?
"People not flushing their poop or pee in public toilets."- Acceptable_Fee_1280
"It was that hard to pull the little lever down?"- Scotsgit73
Always Carry Mints...
"Another person's hot breath in my face."
"For any reason."- MaryEstradaGTNickelodeon Bad Breath GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"People who abuse their pets."- roseteaXx
Being Tricked Into Purchases...
"Ads with a fake close button that just redirect you to the link, particularly pop-up ads."
"I forgot about the mobile game ads with fake mini games that redirect you to the App Store."
"Those might be even worse."- Tyler_Martin1
Cleaning Comes At A Price...
"The goo in the sink drain once you’ve done the dishes."
"Touching this to clean the sink is always a gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing moment."- meiliraijow
Men Marking Their Territory...
"Sitting on a toilet seat with pee on it."- KAWAiiANGXL
We All Do It... Doesn't Make It Any Less Gross...
I Mean, COME ON!
"Just hang onto your sh*t for two minutes and put it in a bin instead of just throwing it on the ground."- ElmerWolfeLOdriving eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
No Matter The Package, Always Bad For You!
"Carrying around a bottle of your own brown cloudy spit that smells like absolute death just skeeves me out on a level I can barely even describe."
"Bonus points if you're the douche who leaves the spit bottles or cups for other people to clean up."- Porn_is_my_bae
We all have our limits.
But even if you aren't wholeheartedly repulsed by any or all of these things, that still doesn't mean you should tolerate it!
How else will people learn to stop?
It's rare for a day to go by where women don't, quite understandably, complain about the annoying, even misogynistic behavior of men.
Addiction to video games, poor hygiene, too much excitement over a football or basketball game, bad table manners.
The list goes on and on.
But men don't only annoy women with their behavior.
Indeed, plenty of other men get equally annoyed or revolted by certain stereotypically "male" behavior, and wish it would come to an end.
"Men of Reddit, what is something you wish other men would stop doing?"
Taking Others Down To Bring Themselves Up
"Insulting their friends to look cool in front of a girl."- SuvenPan
Always Needing To Be The "Tough Guy"
"I wish y’all would stop trying to be Mr. tough arrogant guy when an attractive women is in your presence."- Relevant-Quality2196·
It's Just Basic Hygeine!
"Not washing hands after using public bathrooms."- truetrusterWash Hands Reaction GIF by Leroy PattersonGiphy
Women Are Not Property!
"Stop hitting on other dudes' girlfriend."
"Some guys take it as a challenge and it’s pretty f*cked up."- Blowmansalad·
"Being overly horny and hitting on women non stop who clearly are uncomfortable."
"It’s hard to watch."- cgollin34
Learn Some Manners!
"That thing where a girl turns you down so you suddenly call her an ugly b*tch."
"It’s really not hard to NOT be a rude piece of sh*t, and it makes you sound pathetic."
"Have some respect and imagine your grandmother could hear you."- leastlyharmfulSeason 3 Episode 13 GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy
What Are You Trying To Prove, Exactly?
"Acting overly manly and not smiling, like chill man I’m not trying to pee on your territory."- incognitoburrito2022
"Stop approaching women in grocery store parking lots! "
"My girlfriend mentions that guys, often way older guys, will try to talk to her and ask her out while she’s carrying groceries."
"She’s had to stop wearing headphones because guys will follow her trying to get her attention."
"The worst was a guy who knocked on her window when she was sitting in her car."
"Nobody taught me, a normal dude, how not to be creepy."
"Where the hell did you guys learn to do this?"- UptownShenanigans
Not Fooling Anyone
"Joining MLMs and being really vague about what they do."
"I don’t want an exclusive chance to gain you as a mentor, I sat next to you in pre-algebra and know that the concept of math escapes you."
"Also stop renting luxury vehicles for a weekend and pretending you 'made it'."
"Maybe I’m just a hater but if your whole plan is to not just fake it till you make it but to 'flex' till you make it then I’m not interested in whatever opportunity you’re trying to sell me."- Exact_Thought_185
Its Sexual Assault. STOP IT!
"The unwarranted peen pics need to stop."- Ratakoa
When other "bros" are so openly put off by "bro" culture, maybe that means it's time has passed?
But seriously, did anyone find "bro" culture attractive?
After all, were we laughing with the boys of the American Pie films, or laughing at them...
Successful people who come from humble beginnings usually don't forget where they came from.
But some of those who were already born into privilege and wealth may claim to be compassionate towards people who are financially disadvantaged.
But unless they've lived the experience as someone from the lower class or have a deep understanding of what life is like on the other side, the wealthy will never understand what it's like to be poor.
Curious to hear about interactinos with the affluent from strangers online, Redditor Salazard260 asked:
"Poor people of reddit, what's the most comically out of touch 'advice' you've been given by someone wealthier?"
When it comes to working normal jobs, rich people just don't understand.
Easier Said Than Done
"A mom to my mom, a single mother with three kids: 'you should just stop working if you are so stressed about it.'"
"Sounds like a psychologist I went and saw once, spent the hour talking about how much pressure I felt being the sole source of income in the house, to be told 'sounds like your job is stressing you out, you should quit!' When I asked how I’d pay the bills his response was 'I can help you apply for a new job, I’m really good at job applications, I’ve got every job I applied for! - yeah mate I don’t think that’s going to help. Never went back."
"Not really advice, but one of my high school friends came from a rich family. But because he wasn't really that motivated in life, his parents encouraged him to find a summer job."
"He was going to go job-hunting at the mall, working in retail. I asked him how much he wanted to earn. He said, 'Not too much. $40 per hour should be a good start.' This was in the early 2000s."
"It reminds me of the Arrested Development scene where Lucille thinks a banana costs $10."
When it comes to renting an apartment, these are not the people who should be weighing in with their thoughts to help.
Clueless About Rent
"I had a boss at the time tell me it cant be more than 800 bucks for rent in the DC area when I asked for a pay raise. The minimum rent I could find at the time was closer to 1800."
Let's Start With Step 1
"That I need to buy several apartments and rent them out. Unfortunately, he did not tell me where to get money to buy several apartments."
When it comes to family and financials, we're all not the same.
That's Not How That Works
"I remember when I was at high school and I mentioned to someone that I'd like a gaming PC but couldn't afford it, he said 'can you not just ask your parents for the money?'"
"I said no because there was nothing left over after bills and groceries."
"Yeah, but if you ask realllllyyyyy nicely, couldn't they give you the money?"
"Like what goddamn money? The money for the food we eat? The money for our electricity bill? Sure, no doubt my family are happy to suffer just so I can have a piece of tech I don't need."
Ignorance Is Bliss
"I had a friend like that and one time pulled out a pen and paper and did my family's financials roughly in front of them. I showed income, taxes, utilities, insurance, groceries, gas, car payments, loan payments, etc and then showed how little was left over and then said that some of that needs to go into savings/retirement just in case. I then asked them 'so where is that money I ask my parents for coming from?'"
"He sat there dumbfounded for a bit, I think one: that I knew all this off the top of my head (the recession made me hyper aware of financials) and two: it started sink in how ignorant he was about money in general, and how good he had it. He wasn't a bad dude, and wasn't one of those who thinks money was infinite, but I guess didn't realize how much 100 bucks was to a lot of people."
The Other Way Around
"'Just have your parents give you the money'.... B*tch, I support my parents."
Going Nowhere Fast
"I had a buddy in college that asked me to drive him to the next town over. He had a car but his parents said he was spending to much in the gas card. His solution was to bum a ride but told me it wasn’t fair for him to pay me for gas out of his allowance because I had a job."
"I’m still stunned by the mental gymnastics that dude went through to justify his behavior."
"After dumping me my long-tine girlfriend would occasionally reach out with her crazy rants."
"One of them was I should just dump my parents somewhere, as in literally dropping them off on some corner, and let them fend for themselves."
"I dodged a rocket not marrying her."
The rich could afford many luxuries that are unattainable for the rest of us, and good for them.
But when it comes to offering any kind of wisdom or suggestion to improve our financial standing in life, money can't buy them respect when they are completely out of touch.
There's a fairly common formula in movies geared toward a teenage audience.
A group of teenagers face one central conflict, to varying degrees of importance and severity, but manage to solve it in a surprisingly short manner of time.
The heroes of these films are usually a hodgepodge of traditional high school archetypes (star athlete, math nerd, girl whose beauty is disguised by a pair of glasses), all of whom the intended audience can completely relate to and root for.
And then we have the adult characters, who are often buffoonish stereotypes, or the outright villain, whose sole mission is to ensure the protagonist will not achieve their ultimate goal.
As teenagers, we often find ourselves ready to boo these grown-ups from the minute they appear on the screen.
But when we revisit these movies as adults, we find ourselves noticing that their behavior isn't quite as bad as we remembered.
Or, more shockingly, we actually find ourselves rooting for them!
"What teen movie is the epitome of 'the older I get, the more I agree with the adult?'"
The Teacher Was Right All Along...
"Rewatching 'Scrubs', I realize I’m no longer a JD., I’ve become a Cox."- RenegadeRinker
They Were Just Being Protective!
"I watched 'Sixteen Candles' recently and I now do not approve of Samantha going anywhere near Jake Ryan."-goblininstigator
All It Takes Is A Little Perspective
"Sadly, 'The Wonder Years'."
"I always couldn’t believe the dad was real, with his pissed off attitude from work."
"Now I understand."- hashnThe Wonder Years Thumbs Down GIFGiphy
Nothing Wrong With A Little Precision And Order!
"The movie 'Juno'."
"Jennifer Garner's character is at first portrayed as a 'square', then you realize she's a mature adult and her husband is a man-baby."- DaveFarted
Add It Up, The Wedding Cost Nearly $150,00!
"Not a teen movie, but 'Father of the Bride'."
"Watching it as a kid, Steve Martin seemed like an old grump."
"Rewatching it as an adult, holy sh*t he is the only sane person in that movie."- DrOctopusMD
It Was Literally His Job To Protect Them!
"'The Lion King'."
"Oh I thought Zazu was just an old fun-killer."
"What do you mean, Simba can't be king?"
"Why would you prevent the kids from going where they want?"
"As an adult and father, I'm 100% Team Zazu."- Oneiric86the lion king GIF by DisneyGiphy
Seriously, Would Your Dad Have Been So Cool About It?...
"As a new father, I hope to be like Jim’s dad when my little one is a teenager."
"Caring, loving and a complete embarrassment to them."- BanjoPhatterson
It's A Parent's Job To Worry.
"The mom in 'Ice Princess'."
"So you have a daughter who has a talent for and seems to like physics and has a shot of getting into Harvard."
"This girl throws it away for ice skating where she has only been competing for less than a year, where if she gets injured she's done and when she reaches 30 she's pretty much done."
"There is no way she is at an olympic level at that point she would need years of training! "
"Hell yes I would advise against it to!"- testmonkey254
Always Be Respectful Of Your Roommate!
"Goob, 'Meet the Robinsons'."- beepboop232Meet The Robinsons Google GIFGiphy
People Are Complicated
"He’s just trying to do something right and being a good dad."- LukeLJS123
As teens we're inclined to revolt from our parents and teachers, or even be revolted by them.
But the older we get, the more we understand that nine times out of ten, they were just looking out for us.
Just as we realize that Mr. Hall of Clueless was being pretty generous giving a C to a student who didn't seem to know how to pronounce "Haitian"...