Most of the time we think of our high school years when we think of them - like our emo phase or our jock phase etc. But phases are more than the way you dress or your tragic eye makeup.
Phases are just seasons and themes in our lives. Sometimes they're purposefully constructed (Yes, you can do that! I'm almost 40 and just decided 2 days ago that I want to start a sexy phase!)
Sometimes Illness/injury, death, financial gain or loss, etc. trigger your life or personality to take a sudden and unexpected turn.
If you win the lottery, for example, that turn is going to be an upgrade - at least temporarily. Don't @ me with a bunch of stories about the lottery curse. I know, fam. I know.
Reddit users wanted to talk about the worst phases people have had, and this era I'm recently moving away from immediately came to mind.
People have really gone through it. There are mentions of abuse, death, and childhood trauma.
What's amazing, though, is that every single one of these stories is being shared by a person who survived it. A person for whom things got better.
These responses suck, I'm not even going to try to lie. But they're also reminders that things can be incredibly dark - but that darkness probably won't last forever.
Having said that, these responses aren't all quite so heavy. Sometimes you just gotta laugh at your MySpace emo-bangs phase.
No Mom, No Job, No Money
Right now. My mom passed away from bone cancer; I left a high paying job to be her full time caretaker over the final two years. That left me living in her house, with only a struggling consulting business. Covid killed that. Right now I'm waiting for my unemployment to be approved, but its been a month and no money yet. No mom, no job, no money. My vehicles alternator died this morning. Sunday is Mothers day. I'm a mess.
Worse Than War
2016-2018.
My wife and I were thinking of separating after moving two states away for her job. Then she got diagnosed with cancer. I couldn't divorce her in those circumstances. I felt like I was essentially losing her twice, while working 56 hour weeks to keep us afloat when she couldn't.
I was alone except for her, struggling not to resent her and repair our marriage, and exhausted and anxious all the time. I dropped 30 pounds without intent and was at some points selling my plasma to make rent.
But she survived, so far cancer-free, and so did our marriage. We moved back home, and now I have custody of my son from my first marriage and we each have better jobs. We've forgiven each other and built a comfortable, stable life for our family. I would do it all again if I had to.
This was worse than boot camp, worse than divorce, worse than my mom dying, and worse than my year deployed to Afghanistan.
Now I Have Hope
GiphyJanuary 18 - February 5, 2020.
On January 18 my husband was killed in a car accident. For 2.5 weeks I had no hope for the future. Then I found out I was pregnant. Our first and only child.
It's still fcking hard, but now I have hope and many moments of genuine excitement and joy.
High School Poetry
If we're going by cringiness I would say my "tortured writer/poet phase" junior year of high school where I had an emo look and wrote terrible poetry that I posted on my Xanga.
The funny thing was that even though I looked emo, the closest thing to emo music I listened to was like Bright Eyes' Fevers and Mirrors album. I was more into punk/indie rock. Luckily, I grew out of that phase by my senior year, so it didn't last long.
- -eDgAR-
Three Lost Years
2008-2011
I was misdiagnosed with a certain mental illness rather than the mental illnesses I actually have. I was put on some strong drugs to control the condition they thought I had. They hurt much more than they helped.
I don't remember three entire years of my daughter's lives because those meds f'ed with my brain. I feel like a horrible mother for not being able to answer questions about this time period. I'm better now but it sucks that I lost those years.
No Concept Of Self Worth
Throughout my teens I had no concept of self worth. I have been overweight for almost my entire life and never viewed myself as anything except a 1/10. I made some terrible choices that I wish I could change due to having such low self esteem. I put myself in danger and was just straight up stupid. I didn't feel that I deserved any better though.
As an adult, things have gotten better and I have a loving husband that helps build me up. It has been a continual journey towards improving my health both mentally and physically, but I feel much better for it.
Also, I had many friends with this same mindset. Friends that were absolutely gorgeous to me felt worthless and made some of the same choices that I did. I never understood how there were so many of us. As a teacher, I always keep that in mind as I try to build my students up.
Horse Girls
GiphyI was a horse girl from 2nd to 5th grade. I didn't just like horses, I galloped around like a horse too! I wondered why nobody wanted to be my friend...
Oh, see I was lucky. My weird horse girl phase as a kid coincided with my neighbour's weird horse girl phase, so we were just blissfully unaware of how fcking weird and uncool we were.
- Cornsilk
Hey one of my best friends in elementary school was a horse girl.. but then again I was a dinosaur kid so I guess it balanced out.
- 11wishes
8th Grade Breakdown
Middle school. Parents just got divorced. Mom was going back to school and working two jobs, so I never saw her. We lived in a bad part of town and I was a morbidly obese, pale nerd.
Kids literally punched me in the stomach as hard as they could when we changed classes. They'd take my back pack and throw it in the shower and turned the water on. They'd grab my stomach and my chest when I would change in Phys. Ed.
One day in 8th grade, I finally snapped and got into a huge fight. Mom got called into the school, and when she gets there, I broke down hysterically crying about what had happened to me for years and how I couldn't take it anymore. She called my father (whom hated) and I spent the next two years living with him until she finished school. In those 2 years I grew over half a foot and was the star offensive lineman on the football team, so it worked out okay. :)
Cameraphones Weren't A Thing Back Then
I had a Wiggah phase when I was 13-14 years old. I was talking ghetto, wearing Wutang jeans that was hanging on for dear life off of my butt cheeks, a shirt longer than my pants and a red bandana. But I grew up in that kind of neighborhood. You had to fit in somehow.
Thinking back on it, damn, embarrassing stuff. I'm so happy cameras on phones weren't a thing back then.
"Nice Guy"
I went through a Nice Guy phase when I was like 19 or 20. But that's not the most shameful part. The most shameful part was the righteous indignation that came along with it. The girl I was fawning over was an assault survivor, and she might have been in an abusive relationship at the time I was friends with her - though perhaps I only perceived it as abusive because I had Nice Guy goggles on.
In any case, her whole sad story sent me to a dark place. I started having gruesome fantasies about torturing the guy, and I lashed out at her boyfriend publicly on Facebook (oh yea, he and I had been friends, which was how I met her). I was an absolute mess. And it finally came to a tipping point when, under circumstances I can't remember, I said something or other to her expressing disapproval of her relationship, and she accused me of only wanting her for myself (which was obviously true), and after that I had to step back and reevaluate what I had become.
I call that part of my life the Dark Period, and I look back on it often to remind myself of the terrible things I'm capable of, so that I never go back to that place.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "
" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
A good friend is not always the one with whom you share laughs and fun experiences.
The friendships you want to keep include those who won't abandon you in a time of need or someone who supports you in a variety of complicated situations where not even a family member can be relied upon.
Unfortunately, many of us have experienced a time when a person's true colors revealed to us that the so-called "friend" we've always trusted wasn't one at all.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor Aesthetik_1 asked:
"What made you instantly realize This 'friend' is not a real friend?"
These Redditors didn't realized at the time that they were being used.
Recurring Favor
"When he only called me when he needed something. It didn't hit me until much later."
– Queasy-Location-9303
"I have one of those 'friends'. She always gushes about how we're friends but she never initiates contact unless she wants me to do something for her."
– StiffAssedBrit
The Errand Girl
"Several years back, I had a friend who introduced me to this new boy she was seeing. Maybe a year later, their relationship blew up in a fury of bs (whole other story), but by the time they split, I was equally friends with both of them. He and I were both photographers at the time, so the friendship was instantaneous."
"One day we started talking about her, neither positively nor in poor taste, just kind of in general."
"He then asked me 'when she texts to hang out, what does she usually want to do?'"
"I paused. I thought. Holy sh*t, she'd either be asking for a favour or for help with some kind of errand. I was her f'king errand girl."
"She texted me a month or two later, just a 'hey'. I never responded. She never texted again."
"I'm still friends with her ex, though. That dude is genuine as heck."
– ChamomileBrownies
Testing The Friendship
"When you decide to let them be the one to reach out. And you never hear from them again."
– plzdontgetmad
"Yup. Made plans with a friend three times, she cancelled each time. I finally told her to let me know when she was free, we haven’t hung out since."
"She was a good friend for the season, but not a lifetime."
– NoMrBond3
People were shocked to discover the moment they realized they didn't really know who their "friend" was anymore.
The Chaperon
"I had been giving rides to a girl I thought was my friend. To and from school in high school. She wasn’t really suppose to ride with other teens but due to her mothers work hours we could easily pull this off. I thought we were close."
"One day while on the way home my brakes went out. We were about 2 blocks from her gated neighborhood. I managed to roll in safely and parked at her house to call a tow truck."
"She flipped. Told me I couldn’t stay. She knew my brakes were not working as she had also been terrified when we couldn’t stop. She said she wanted to go to a movie that weekend with other friends and her mom would ground her if she saw me at the house. I offered to lie and say I only stopped there as my car malfunctioned on my way home. I had to pass her neighborhood on my way home anyways."
"She refused. Started to scream at me. She didn’t care what happened I had to go. Started to call the guard at the front gate to tell them I had broken in and was threatening her."
"I left her and that friendship that moment. I managed to roll my car slowly to a mechanic not too far away but never forgot the shi* feeling of knowing I could have been seriously hurt and she wouldn’t have cared. She wanted to see a movie. She had the nerve to sheepishly call and ask me a couple days later if I could give her a ride to school. Told her I was too busy and no longer had time… after all I wanted to help her obey her mom's rules. She rode the bus til she graduated."
– Duffarum
Unwilling Companion
"I had this friend in school. Each year there was a funfair in our city, all students received vouchers for a drink and something to eat. This friend complained the whole day that she had no one to accompany her to the funfair. So, stupid me offered to go with her."
"Once we arrived we met another friend of hers. And another, and another... until we were a group of 5 or 6 people. I didn't know anyone and was basically just walking behind them. This friend took me aside and said, 'My friends think you are annoying, and we would like you to leave.'"
"It was a pleasure to see that she failed her exams a year later."
– Auldale
There's the spirit of competition, but when it's taken seriously, we're no longer game for these friendships.
I Can Do It Better
"Constantly 'one ups' me. A real friend is happy for you."
– Complex-Half8338
"That one time I got a fake bag but she doesn’t know and then 2 weeks later messaged me that she also bought a luxury bag… Then when I got a bf, she also went to get a bf within 3 months which is TOTALLY fine but she constantly messages me for us to go on a double date. Anyways, sadly they didn’t last long :( I mentioned that I wanted to go to Cuba, she went ahead and bought herself a ticket to Cuba but I didn’t end up going lol"
– Hot-Coffee-8465
Never Steal The Spotlight
"When they loved the idea of me shining, but behind their shadow, I could never do or achieve anything above them, and when I did, they would get jealous."
– Jasssin23
"Yes! I recently ghosted a friend because of this kind of behavior. She was trying to compete about EVERYTHING. Like she bragged about how her mom’s car accident was more traumatic than my elderly MIL’s - which is not even an appropriate thing to compare. She would also try to 'outshine' celebrations of my milestones and was mean to several of my friends for no apparent reason. She was a loose cannon at best."
– thefifthtrilogy
All About Me
"ALL she talks about it herself and her problems. Granted she has a a lot but never asks about me or my life until she realizes she just bypassed my attempt to want to talk about something in my life bothering me and continued to talk about herself."
– PokemomOnTheGo
People can just be so rude.
"When I got really sick. Very few came to help."
– Tofflus1
"Same here. I got cancer and everyone I knew was over the top supportive for the first six months and then all but three of my friends just vanished. I saw one of them at a Halloween party while I was going through chemo and she told me that my bald head made people uncomfortable. I was dressed as Captain Picard, it was awesome and she ruined it."
– CatGoNoTail
Not Missing High School
"At lunch, she was sitting with her boyfriend, I was sitting with our friend circle. She came up to me, guilted me into sitting with her and her boyfriend, and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of lunch."
"She didn't care about me, she just didn't want me talking to the friend circle that she had abandoned for her boyfriend. When I pointed this out to her, she called me a jealous b*tch."
"Ah, high school. How I don't miss thee."
– Symnestra
These examples actually served as a good reminder for me to take a moment and assess my friendships.
Not so much about how I've been treated but more about checking myself to see if I'm respecting the people I call my friends.
We've all been guilty of casually mentioning future plans to get together. I embarrassingly wait for people to initiate something, which is terrible.
Show up for your friends. Make them feel important like the individuals they are.
There are few moments in life more momentous than buying your first home.
Of course, as is the case with any big decision, after going through with it, your mind begins to spiral down into a series of doubts.
Most of the time, once you've moved in and lived there for a while, all these doubts begin to slowly disappear.
In some cases, though, those doubts quickly turn into regrets.
Particularly when you notice more and more elements of what you thought was your "dream" home that is more reminiscent of a nightmare.
Redditor californiabred was curious to hear the biggest regrets from people who recently purchased a home, leading them to ask:
"Homeowners who bought recently, what’s your biggest regret?"
Not The What, But The When
"Not buying 4 years ago."- 3rdPartyArbitor
Location, Location, Location!
"The situation when you bought a house where it was possible and a month later they sell a house in the area where you wanted"- BenefitOk3952
"Not knowing enough about the area/town."
"I hate where we live."
"Hoping we can move by the time my oldest starts kindergarten."- MP1087
jason patric fox GIF by Wayward PinesGiphyUpon Closer Inspection...
"The inspector told us the main drain in the basement was clogged."
"We thought it was clogged with something normal."
"It was, in fact, 'clogged' with cement from when our basement floor was redone."
"So now our basement regularly gets standing water on one side."- doctorpotterhead
"Hiring the wrong home inspector they missed so much, I really have to wonder if all those reviews were bought and paid for."- CaptainQuoth
Landscaping Decisions
"Not planting the fruit trees sooner."
"It’s a long wait."- SageLeaf1
Plant Hope GIF by The Seed of Life FoundationGiphyHow Long Have You Got...
"Be shameless enough to perform your own base level of inspection of a house so you don’t have to rely on what an inspector finds or get in a situation where you have to make an offer regardless of what the inspection finds."
"Turn all the faucets on and run the dishwasher."
"Start the washer machine for a second."
"Figure out if there is any water pressure issue."
"Bring a multi line laser and a tape measure."
"Check for any significant changes in slope on the foundation for some settling issues."
"Pay attention to the downspouts."
"Do they terminate right at the house or do they have longer pipes that lead the water away?"
"Pay attention to the flooring and create a rough estimate of what it will cost to immediately replace the flooring."
"Way easier to do when you don’t have a house full of furniture and can do it right before you move in."
"On the financial side you need to talk with multiple lenders at all times and make sure they continue to give you the most up to date closing costs."
"There were a lot of sneaky numbers that made there way in that I was unaware of as a first time home buyer."
"Until that mortgage lender gives you the locked in rate don’t trust them as to what number they are currently telling you."
"Discover your maximum mortgage rate + escrow and work backwards as to the maximum house you can afford."
"Don’t buy based on the pipe dream of refinancing."- from_the_Luft
GIF by BlindspotGiphyProcrastination...
"Not recent, but I still regret not refinishing the floors before I moved in."
"I'll never do it now."- WinterFilmAwards
"I regret not having the inside painted and the carpet replaced before we moved in."
"Been here two years and it never felt like 'my home' until I got rid of the stains of those who came before."- DaisyRage7
Consider A Test Drive...
"Not particularly recent, but we did not pull out cars in the driveway or attempt to park them."
"So we didn't realize that my car could only enter the driveway from one direction, so I had to turn around half a block up every time I needed to park."
"And we just BARELY got two cars in the driveway."
"So my regret is that I took for granted that the driveway met our needs."- gtizzz
homer simpson episode 24 GIFGiphyAlways Read The Fine Print
"I bought a few years ago."
"So many things have gone sideways."
"One thing I regret is not being educated about permits."
"Contractors/handymen/ anyone who works on your house really, never mentions a permit may be needed."
"Learned that it’s up to me and me alone to do the research and phone calls."
"Currently have a job on hold because they needed a permit."
"The company blamed me and now I’m not sure they’re even going to do the work."
"Watch the movie 'The Money Pit'."
"It’s not that far off."
"Some days I wish I’d just be a renter."- MissPeppingtosh
Simply Not Worth The Effort
"Don't bother childproofing your home."
"They still get in."- Blueblackzinc
season 9 friends GIFGiphyIt's easy to question whether or not buying a home was the right decision.
But rather than live a life full of regret, why not make the most out of what you have, and turn your not-quite-dream home into a temporary dream home?
Who knows, it might even increase the resale value.
In an instant, anything can change in life.
Deciding to turn left instead of right at a traffic light can save your life -- and you may never know it.
That's why the movie "Sliding Doors" is so great.
Small choices and seemingly minor chances can shift things massively.
Redditor Lexie_Mark wanted to hear about how life can change drastically by the smallest influences, so they asked:
"What's a seemingly minor decision you made that ended up having a massive impact on your life?"
I had dinner with a guy once.
I told him a joke and let him read 5 pages of my writing.
Now I write for this website. BOOM!
Right Turn
Never Mind Baby GIFGiphy"Turned up to a military recruiting day on the wrong weekend as a youngster. Walked into a BBQ for traumatized veterans accidentally. That changed my mind."
flecknoe
Moving on...
"I had moved countries and decided to go back home after initial plans didn't work out. Had a ticket booked, was in a hotel near the airport, and got an invite to stay with online friends for a week or so before going back. Deferred my ticket, took them up on the offer."
"Met the love of my life there- moved to his city, have a new job, new friends, new life completely."
Severn6
Hey Teach
"While I was experiencing a period of career ennui, I treated myself to taking some college classes in biology, which I had always been interested in."
"While walking in the neighborhood close to the university one day, I saw one of the professors walking down the street, contentedly eating some ice cream. I don't know what possessed me, but I actually stopped him, said hello, that I was in one of his classes, and how much I liked the course."
"I have come across many professors in such casual circumstances before and since and never had the inclination or the guts to talk to them, particularly when they are clearly just having an enjoyable moment and likely don't want to be annoyed by a random student they don't even know."
"But I talked to him, and we had such a nice chat that he invited me to come to his lab and potentially do some work there. I came by a few days later, and he asked me a few questions and then asked one of his postdocs if he'd like to have me give him some help on a project. The postdoc said yes, and within 2.5 years I had my MS in biology (advised by Dr. Professor and helped greatly by that postdoc), and I was on my way to getting my PhD.
"Now I'm the prof."
zazzlekdazzle
On the Vespa
"4 months ago I was riding my Vespa to the gym on a Saturday morning, and I was T-boned by a car pulling out of a side street. She was looking the other way to make sure the traffic was clear and didn’t see me."
"I was coming from her right (in Australia, left-hand drive) and the front left of her car hit the back of my Vespa. If I had been half a second faster, I wouldn’t have been hit."
"I ended up with a crushed lower left leg and foot, permanent nerve damage, and 2 weeks in hospital. Fast forward to now, and I still can’t walk or move my leg and foot, I’m in unimaginable pain, and I (just today) lost my job."
"The recovery timeline is looking like 18-24 months and there’s no guarantee I’ll walk again."
"I was just trying to be healthy and go to the gym on a Saturday, and now my life has totally turned upside down. lol. Sigh."
ShoeAccomplished119
Swipe Right
tinder GIFGiphy"Matched with a guy on Tinder and complained about my current job. Encouraged (and walked me through) the recruitment process for a government job and 5 years later I’ve had 4 promotions, earned almost twice my old salary, and have much higher job satisfaction."
misssofifi
Maybe Tinder isn't so bad after all.
Key Strokes
Jim Carrey Reaction GIFGiphy"Taking a typing class in 1974. Almost no guys took typing at my school. Made life with computers a lot easier."
A20Havoc
"Same here, it was the main reason I got a job in IT, I was able to have a lifelong career."
MyIpodStillWorks
Run
"Started running because I heard it helps with chronic tinnitus, now run 5 days a week, lost 20 kg, stopped drinking, and can sleep. It doesn't cure the tinnitus, there is no cure and probably never will be, but it made it more manageable, lowered the volume in my head, and let me sleep easier. I still have it and struggle with it sometimes, but running/exercise for me is the best way to mitigate the stress chronic tinnitus causes."
rickdangerous85
Brisbane
"Buying tickets to Guns 'N Roses. I'm from Northern Australia and went to the Brisbane show. Ended up going with an old friend who was looking for an extra roommate, moved to Brisbane, did an audio course cause I needed something to do, and ended up working in the music industry full-time. Just got off tour with Suicidal Tendencies as their backline tech and have had an incredible career so far."
Acquiesce95
No Regrets
"My current job was a throwaway application I submitted purely for interview practice. It was one of two listings I saw at once, one was quite detailed and looked really good, and the other one was a handful of vague bullet points that seemed interesting enough. The one I was hoping for never replied, the other one offered me more than the maximum salary on the ad. No regrets."
PM_me_ur_navel_girl
Forever
Smooch Love GIF by molehillGiphy"I decided to have my first ever one-night stand."
"We've been together for 12 years!"
CrabbiestAsp
"So you still haven't had a one-night stand!"
NickyDeeM
Ah, the curse of the one-night stand gone wrong.
Love is all around.
