It is called fast food. It is not called hasty food.
And yet, hasty is so often the experience.
We have all been there. First, we politely greet a metal rectangle that bears a mesh speaker face. It responds to the timid hello with fierce, garbed gibberish.
That puts us on our heels. So we escalate to a violent, aggressive scream about the kind of sandwich and drink we'd like. The robot tube remains loud and terrifying.
We're herded through the drive-thru lane alongside the brick wall until we arrive at the window: our only glimpse of the faceless void that we've given the reigns to for our lunch.
Finally, a hand flies out of the portal, we, panicked, absorb it into the vehicle and simply hope that the screaming rectangle did us good.
So often, as a recent Reddit thread illustrated, it did not do us good. It did us very very bad.
Fazi_Snaxxx asked, "What's the most wrong your fast food order has ever been?"
Third Time's the Charm
"My mom ordered a plain cheeseburger and it came with everything on it. I bring it up to the counter and let them know. A couple minutes later I get new one."
"Bring it to my mom, she opens it, it's a plain McChicken. I brought it back up and the manager went bug eyed and demanded 'What's wrong with it now?!'"
"I proceeded to show her and she went back and lost her sh** on the cooks. The third time was perfect, thankfully."
Right Order, Wrong Mouth
"What we ordered was burgers and fried pickles from the local pub. What the Uber guy brought us was nothing, because he took our food and went home." -- alltherobots
"Happened to me before too. Uber girl marked my food as delivered right outside the restaurant. I hope she enjoyed my lunch." -- payvavraishkuf
Watch Your Tongue at the Counter
"i was joking that i wanted a ton of sauce at mconalds, like a bowl of sauce. I got this container that was literally like 2 pints of sauce with my burger inside it. i was like 'well i got what i f***ing asked for didn't i'" -- demonardvark
"I see you enjoy the burger boat off the secret menu as well ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" -- Pm-Me_Ur-Ti**ies_Plz
Ice Cream 101
"I went through Burger King cause they had a new Oreo sundae I wanted to try. Ordered a burger, fries and the Ice cream"
"They asked me to pull around to the front cause the food wasn't ready. Annoys the f*** out of me, but fine ok."
"After about 4-5 minutes A worker comes out with just the Oreo Sunday. Or what was supposed to be the Oreo Sunday but was a half melted bowl of soup."
"'Uhhh sir, this is really melted, what's going on?'"
"'Well when food isn't ready we take the food that is and put it under the heat lamp to keep it warm.'"
"Sigh......Yeah that took a couple minutes of convincing to get him to remake it without putting it under the heat lamp......"
VERY Well Done
"I was a kid and my dad decided on a McDonald's for tea. I went with him and ordered a chicken sandwich. I was looking forward to it the whole way home."
"Finally get him open the box and find a DIRTY OLD DISHCLOTH between the bun."
"Still remember my dad hitting the roof driving back and shouting at the manager, apparently one of the staff were due to go on break and it was made as a prank for them."
"I ordered a mcchicken with cheese once, I got the bun and cheese but no chicken patty" -- WhyBee92
"I ordered a Big Mac and it came without the bun at the bottom, only realised when I tried taking it out. When I went back to the till a guy was holding the bun and was looking around, confused, not knowing what was up with it." -- thestrikr
"I ordered a chicken burrito and all I got was chicken wrapped in a tortilla. No other filling." -- broken_bones2012
"It was probably someone's last day and they just didn't give a f*** anymore." -- mr_sto0pid
"It meets the requirements, I don't see the problem" -- MyBigRed
When it Goes the Other Way
"I ordered 2 burrito bowls (Meat + stuff) from Chipolte. I got:"
"3 meat/guac bowls"
"3 meat/guac burritos"
"2 chips + side of guac"
"Thanks to the magic of Uber Eats, I got my 2 bowls refunded and kept the mountain of food."
"Went to Popeyes and got a big family meal type order. When I got home and started setting everything out, I got to the big container of mashed potatoes. It was actually a big container of mayonnaise. We all had a good laugh, and plenty of mayo."
"We did not have mashed potatoes though, which was sad."
A Short-Lived Scheme
"I once ate at a Burger King. I go in, everything appears to be the same except the owner is there serving food and working the register. Thinking nothing of it I order the usual."
"I get my burger and it's Medium Rare, the bun is different, the fries are in a checkered paper basket and the receipt said SouthSide Burgers. He basically was just hustling food after being told by corporate to shut it down."
"He made a bunch of money that week running a fake Burger King and skipped town."
The Lucky Ones
"I got this huge bag of delivery Chinese... and I ordered nothing."
"I took it because I was confused and I feel terrible about it." -- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
"Didn't even order anything. Came home to whole Thai dinner in my doorstep. No receipt, some name I didn't recognize on the bag. Left it there from nine until midnight just in case anyone claimed it but no one came."
"Had spicy fried chicken wings and pad Thai for lunch the next day." -- Jerry_Curlan_Alt
The Perfect Crime!
"I once went to taco bell and just ordered some nachos. They gave me the bag, and I waited to eat until I got home. Opened up the bag, and turns out they forgot the chips. I got a tiny container of cheese, though."
"So they basically gave me an empty bag and charged."
The Distributive Property
"Not fast food, but a buddy and I went to a bar/grill to have a night of drinking beer. They had a 2-for-1 special that night. We told the waitress we wanted 12 beers, thinking she would keep 'em coming until we had hit 12."
"After a long wait, she came out with a massive tray with 24 beers all together! We felt like a**holes, so we powered through them even when they started getting warm."
Little Extra Somethin' In Your Drink
"One time my sister and I were eating at out of all the places Dairy Queen a few years back and she found over 12 hairs in her burger. Needless to say, you don't duck with my sister."
"Another one: my local McDonald's to this day still has soda that tastes like it has fruit in it. Which is weird because they don't HAVE fruit flavored soft drinks at McDonald's."
It wasn't that it was super wrong, but the frequency of them getting it wrong. When I was in uni, I would go to taco bell a lot. I would get a five layer burrito, with no sour cream. Literally every single time, it had sour cream. I hate sour cream."
"I would take it back, they would make it again, and I would leave. This happened like a dozen times over the course of two months, and then it stopped. They started making it right. I let my guard down."
"After two or three times, I get a burrito, go out to my car, take a bite, and get a mouthful of a burrito that was like half sour cream. I was so sick of it that I got out of my car and spiked it into the ground in the parking lot."
"Then I went to the waffle house next door."