Guys listen, my man is dumb. Not unintelligent - but straight out dumb. I had a thing for him for ages and he was completely oblivious. I was a singer in a band when we met and would sing the whole set straight to him every single time. Like not even slickly at him, like I would sometimes sit right on the edge of the stage, grab his face in my hands and sing directly to him and only him. I even kissed him from the stage once. He still didn't get it. HOW DID HE NOT GET IT!?!
He laughs about it now that he can see it; mostly because I'm really not subtle. I have no poker face - and no idea how the hell he didn't catch it! Neither does he. Sometimes he'll catch me staring and just laugh and apologize for missing it for so long.
Reddit user xmobius0ne asked:
Women of reddit, what's the most obvious hint you gave to a guy that he didn't pick up on?
Women were quick to answer, and some men spoke up about hints they'd missed. I'm seriously concerned for the future of humanity, guys. Some of you are a little too oblivious; like, it can't be safe for you out here without supervision. Here are some of the more popular responses.
Floors And Belts
"That's a really nice belt. It would look better on my floor" while tugging at it and biting my lip. He looked at me totally confused before saying "Floors don't wear belts."
Must've Been A Prank
I literally wrapped my arms around him from behind and told him how cute I though the was. 5 years later we reconnected and started dating, he told me "I thought you were joking because you are too pretty to want to be with me"
Being insecure back then he convinced himself that he wasn't good enough and that it must have been a prank.
- paige120
The Discount
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Not a woman but was on the other end.
Worked at Kroger, super super cutie pie comes in with some friends they grab like 3 items and go through my line. I ring up the items and ask if they have a Kroger card (discount savings card.) She said no, she doesn't have a card.
I responded "That's ok you can enter your number." she looks at me with her super cute face and said "Can I have your number?"
I literally said: "I apologize, it's policy that I can't let you use my number for the Kroger discount."
She walked out very upset and the older guy that was bagging called me a f*ckin idiot. It was at that moment I understood I was a worthless virgin.
Liquid Courage
He was my best friend and I liked him for years. I'd shyly drop hints and flirt sometimes when he was single, but was never brave enough to say anything outright. I got drunk with him alone one night and the liquid courage kicked in. I literally told him I was attracted to him and the alcohol was making me a want to be a "bad friend." He laughed and said that It was "sweet of me to say."
I thought at the time he was turning me down.
Fast forward months later and we're hanging out again with more liquid courage and I just flat out said that sexual tension was making thing weird for me and asked if we could hook up and I'd promise not to be a weirdo about it. He was shocked that I had these feels about him. I was stunned that he didn't know. Really dude?
Long story short he actually like me from day one as well and didn't think I was interested. So he happily friend zoned himself. Wtf! Now we've been married for 6 year and he still can't tell when I wanna bone without me clearly saying it. Love him.
Tangible
A girl in the dorms texted me "Come down to my place so we can do something tangible." I didn't know what tangible meant then. Needless to say, I didn't do anything tangible that night.
The Type Of Hint
I told my husband on my way out that the house sure was messy. Came back home to a messy house.
Is this not the type of hint we are talking about?
- Zer_0
Those Cheesy Pornos
Laying in bed at night with my then-best friend/now husband, I was squirming around and complaining about how hot it was. I was uncertain because he wasn't throwing out hints, so I did the next best thing and I literally tried to act out one of those cheesy pornos.
"Ohhhhh, it's sooooooo warm, let me just get topless and throw off the covers and squirm around a little, moaning and groaning, in the hopes you might catch a glimpse and jump my bones!" Kind of like that. I took off my top so I was only wearing panties and HE STILL DIDN'T GET THE HINT.
Had to literally tell him I was interested before he made a move.
Serious About The Date
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He and I had been flirting for weeks. I asked him when he was planning on taking me out on a date. He laughed it off and I moved on. Years later, we happened to be at the same bar where he admitted having a huge crush on me for years. He didn't realize I had been serious about the date until I told him.
- CozyMeg
Mega Best Friends
I hugged and told him that I liked him. He responded by asking:
"So what are we? Best friends?"
"No, more than that!"
"Mega best friends?"
I never felt the need to smack my face against the concrete hard until that very day. Welp, I still love him and still together for almost 7 years now!
- meowrii_
Play Time
We've been living together for half a year, and dating for much longer.
Just finished a video game together.
Me: "I'm gonna go play with myself in bed." I walk towards the bed room whilst keeping eye contact with him.
Him: makes an acknowledging nod and says, "I won't disturb you then." He smiles and opens up Reddit to read the front page.
- MinamiQ
Oblivious
I'm a guy, but one time a girl had to literally tell me "I'm flirting with you now" because I'm oblivious to everything.
Happy New Year
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I'm the guy. After an evening in the pub a small group of us went back to her place to keep on drinking, about 2am I decide to leave and she is standing in front of me blocking the door, begging me to stay. "Sorry, I've got work tomorrow".
We ended up hooking up about a month later on new years eve when she called me a f*cking idiot.
Anti-Story
I have an anti-story of sorts..
Went to a place, met a woman, we flirted a bit. I asked "are you in any way interested in me", and her response was a shocked "no", to which I said "That's fine, I'd still like to be just friends".
She was shocked at my directness and caught off guard. But the fact of my directness interested her intensely. She and I are now together.
Please, humanity needs more direct talk and less posturing and pretense.
Booty Call
A friend had a small romance going on with a mutual friend. They'd had two dates. First one went well, and at the end she said that the only reason she wasn't inviting him back to hers was because she had a strict rule about not doing that after the first date. He didn't click that 'back to hers' = sex, and just assumed her house was messy. Second date went real well, but ended short when she found her brother was in hospital. At first he thought it was a ruse to end the date, but then she asked if he could drive her to the hospital.
So jump forward a few days and I'm out with him at a club. She messages him at about 11.30 asking what he's up to. He says out with mates, but it's a bit boring, he might head home. She says she has a nice bottle of rum but no Coke to mix it with - would he mind picking her up a bottle and bringing it over. At this point we are all giving him the pat on the back, and telling him to go get it. He is sure that she just wants a bottle of coke, and cbf going all the way out there to just turn around and come back.
She then offered to come grab him, and he asked why she didn't just grab herself a coke if she was happy to drive anyway. At this point, we are hanging bulk shit on him as he insists he doesn't think that it's a booty call. She's just hit him up at 11.30pm on a Saturday night after two dates because she wants a bottle of coke.
She ended up literally saying "what do I need to do to get you to come over and fuck me right now", at which point we were all basically on the floor laughing, and he ran to get a cab so quick I swear there was an outline of dust where we was like in a cartoon.
While waiting for him to arrive, she was messaging us to make sure we knew he was dumb as fuck and wanted to make sure we'd hung sh*t on him appropriately. We had.
(Font) Size Matters
Guy here.
We were 16(me) and 17(her) respectively. Kids, sure, but it's still a story. I had feelings for her until a few months before when I decided to give up. Kid me wasn't a persistent one.
We had a class together. She literally scribbled "I love you by the way" with like size 72 font in the notebook we've been chatting in for the whole lecture, in font 12. I guess she got a bit impatient. And it somehow missed me.
Six. Took me six freaking months to get it. I felt moronic for a year...
So, Lex, if you read this, I'm still sorry I was an idiot.
- KosViik
He was telling me about a meeting that was happening in a bar in our town every Friday, and I said I was interested and asked if he had Facebook. He said "Yes but I don't really use it."
He said he was beating himself up for this stupid answer all the way back home and I still love to tease him about it! We've been together for over a year now :)
- merme91
What Did I Smoke?
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I was friends with this girl living in a different city during college. I once went to her and we talked the whole evening until the point that I had to go to catch the last train. She convinced me to stay and we both slept in her bed. She started cuddling and I asked her what she was doing. She said "nothing."
I subsequently asked her if she was trying to sleep with me. She said "no, that's why i'm laying next to you naked". I didn't pick up on the sarcasm and went "ok cool sleep well" and I turned around and went to sleep!
To this day I don't know what I smoked to miss that.
Never Have I Ever
One time, as a teenager, a girl made out with me at a party. I assumed it was a sympathy makeout session, since we had been playing "never have I ever. "
The next day she and I were hanging out with a group of friends when two random guys began talking to her and another girl in our group. At some point one of the guys asked if she had a boyfriend. She looked away from the guys, stared me directly in the eyes and said "no, I don't have a boyfriend."
At the time, my only thought was that was kind of weird
It took the rest of the summer for me to realize she was actually interested in me and wanted a more serious relationship.
We've been together for 11 years and married for 6... Just kidding - we never got together, because she was visiting for the summer and I didn't think long distance would work well. I saw her one time about two years later. She had started smoking and I had lost interest.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.