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Women Explain Which Mistakes Dads Make Raising Daughters

Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked: 'Daughters of reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?'

man with girl on his shoulders

Brittani Burns on Unsplash

"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine

A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.

But there's always room for improvement, right?

And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?


Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked:

"Daughters of Reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?"

Affection

"My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that."

"It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past."

"But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on."

"We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since."

"So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking!"

"I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become."

"For a while, I didn't wanna hug my dad either. Puberty was rough for me, and the adults in my life kept acting like it was just a phase."

"And I guess it was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the most emotionally complicated and lonely period of my life. The feelings weren't less real."

"My dad and I struggled a lot. He didn't know how to express himself at all, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know either."

"I also grew up with two autistic brothers who needed a lot of care and attention. I love them so much, but it resulted in me always looking out for them and never learning (until just a few years ago) to properly give space to my own inner turmoil."

"My brothers were never physically affectionate either. But once I got out of the heaviest puberty years, I did want that affection from my dad. For a while, male physical attention was a very complicated topic for me."

"A Christian upbringing also played a role in that cause as a young girl growing into a woman, it had a lot to say about how I should behave around men."

"Something important to add is that my dad's rough childhood not only made it hard to show love but also receive it. His journey started with the realization that he had no idea how to react to getting compliments."

"I think that's a thing that a lot of men (from his generation especially, but also younger ones) will recognize. Know that we are all deserving of love and kindness, especially from our loved ones, but even more so from ourselves!"

"My dad couldn't ever have grown this much without learning to really understand what that means. And diving into the withholding of love from his parents heavily impacted how he dealt with that himself."

"I'm so glad my dad and I could both grow and work through our issues. Even if he couldn't show or say it, I never really doubted his love for me."

"But I know he would encourage you all to learn how to show and receive appreciation! That man is my example for people never being too old to learn."

"I'm sending love and strength to all of you who struggle with this in one way or another."

"And to the fathers who feel like their young kids don't want their affection, just know that this will most likely change again over time. They might act like they don't wanna hear it, but keep letting them know you're there for them."

~ yuffieisathief

Showing Up

"The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me."

"He always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either."

~ katie__kat

Communication

"Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know, and never teaching it. Not before and not even after getting angry.

"Doing something you know upsets the kid on purpose."

"Slamming doors and stuff in the house because you're angry."

"Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping."

~ yoyuayu

"I'll never forget the time my dad saw me put something metal in the microwave. I don't know how old I was, but I know I needed to push a chair to the counter to even reach the microwave."

"He SCREAMED at me for several minutes about how STUPID I was and how he couldn't believe I would do something SO INCREDIBLY DUMB and was I trying to start a fire??"

"I had no idea you weren't supposed to put metal in a microwave."

"I did learn a few things that day- don't put metal in the microwave and don't do anything wrong in front of Daddy. Oh, but you won't know if was wrong or not until too late..."

~ DrScarecrow

"Didn’t have to look very far to find the description of my dad—especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house."

"People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day."

~ ouija__bored

"My dad had such a short temper. He didn't necessarily hit me, but I got spanked til I was 9 years old and then my mom told him I was too old for that."

"But whenever he was angry (and that was a lot of the time) he'd scream and sometimes slam things."

"My husband slammed his hand onto the table a couple times during fights near the beginning, but realized he was wrong for acting like that, especially seeing how I'd immediately shut down. He's gotten much better."

~ Educational_Cat_5902

Being Your Child's Bully

"Singing in a falsetto voice and poking until your autistic kid is screaming at you to stop isn’t 'fun' or teaching them to be less sensitive, it’s why they don’t ever want to hang out with you."

~ Redqueenhypo

"Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings."

"I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loooooved to mock my crying or squeaky 'upset' voice back at me."

"It made me so f*cking hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively MOCKED when I tried to communicate."

"Now as an adult I don't bother trying to share anything with them."

"Another classic was when I was disappointed and said, 'aww, man' he'd scrunch up his face, raise his voice three octaves, and 'AwW mAn!!' back at me."

"So now I wasn't just sad and disappointed, but sad, disappointed, and humiliated!"

"Imagine choosing to be your child's first bully... 😞"

~ Not_a_werecat

Just a Girl

"Or from my experience—not even bothering to teach anything because Dad assumes his daughter wouldn't be interested because she's a girl."

"Worse—actively making sh*tty jokes about women not liking those things."

~ Cinnapuns

"Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad 'doesn't have anything in common with a girl'."

"This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life."

~ Dangerous_Contact737

Puberty Isn't a Disease

"My dad basically bailed on parenting once I hit puberty."

"Like, you think I’m enjoying this? It would have been great to have another supportive adult around."

~ captain_flasch

"Same! What’s up with that?"

"I remember having a good relationship with my dad as a child but he emotionally cut me off and stopped hanging out with me when the boobs came in."

"I would be lying if I said that I’m past it and it doesn’t f*ck with my head still."

~ Pandapartyatmidnight

Know Nothing

"Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives."

"Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions—like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is—and the dads have no idea are not at all funny.

"I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me—even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years."

~ Lazylioness17

"One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday."

"Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked in the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school."

"Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t."

~ TetonsTeaTin

"When I was in 4th grade, we did a Christmas recital where all the classes sung songs. My mom couldn’t make it because she had work so she sent my dad with the camcorder."

"He recorded the wrong kid. Very awkward watching the tape that night."

~ myturtlebitme

The original poster shared their reason for asking his question.

"Wanted to add that I'm a dad of a teen and that motivated me to ask this. The replies are just heartbreaking."

"I'm reading every single reply and I really hope all the dads and parents and basically everyone is learning something."

~ Bluemonday82

"Dad of an almost 4 year old daughter with two older brothers…. I’m scouring this post like there is cash on it somewhere."

~ Feeling_Advantage108

"I’m doing the same thing, stepdad that adores both my boy and girl. Couldn’t have kids myself. Searching for gold on this thread."

~ Numbthumbz

And the daughters appreciated it.

"This is healing my younger self—knowing that there are fathers trying to do right by their young girls.

"I'm 25 now and I think if he just would have asked me how I was doing (and meant it) it would have changed me a lot."

~ Loniceraa

"Same. My father was cartoonishly selfish, strict, controlling and mostly only saw me as a pretty, obedient mirror born to reflect his glory. What I thought, felt, liked, or wanted mattered very little and we seldom had what I would call 'real' conversations."

"Reading the posts of all the good fathers in this thread has been wonderful."

"I'm so happy there are tons of little girls out there with fathers who want to know them and see them for who they really are, who want to teach them things and bond with them."

"My father never wanted to get to know the real me, which is a shame because I'm a f*cking delight."

~ insolentpopinjay

As the OP stated, hopefully everyone has used this opportunity to learn something.

Is there anything you would add?

Indigenous Americans Share Their Tribe's Best Ghost Stories And Legends

Reddit user A_KULT_KILLAH asked: 'Native Americans of Reddit, what are your or your tribes ghost stories, legends, or supernatural occurrences?'

Sasquatch
Jon Sailer on Unsplash

People the world over develop their own specific folklore, heavily influenced by the natural world around them and their own culture.

The North American continent was no different.

Reddit user A_KULT_KILLAH wanted to know about the myths and legends of the Indigenous peoples of North America.

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Every now and again, when talking to a friend or family member, a rather shocking piece of information might casually slip out.

Information one imagines they wanted to keep secret for as long as they possibly could.

In some cases, it's something embarrassing, that everyone will be able to laugh about with the passage of time.

In other cases, however, it's information that stuns us silent.

Learning something we wish we hadn't.

Redditor DarthAbhinav11 was curious to hear the most disturbing information people have ever been casually told or overheard, leading them to ask:

"What is the most disturbing thing you've heard said casually?"

An Acquired Taste

"I work in a deli and some lady asked me to cut her ham extremely thin to the point of seeing through it."

"I heard her justify it as 'so you can get rid of the ham taste'."

"I still think about this one."- Alternative_Net8931

Utterly Horrid

"When I was walking to my front door."

"My neighbor had their window open and was scolding their 3 year old adopted child."

"She was howling crying."

"'Do you want mommy to send you back?'"- BoredBSEE

It Arrives Sooner Than You Think...

At Macy's, two teen girls: 'Women over 30 have the ugliest elbows'."

"'OMG. I know'."

"'Very disturbing'."

"'I always ask my mom to wear long sleeves when we go out to eat'."- CapitalPhilosophy513

Never Too Late

"I when younger I worked at a pool and had to lifeguard senior aerobics classes."

"Most participants where 65+."

“'Where’s so and so'.”

“'Oh he won’t be here, his wife was put into hospice'.”

“'Well I feel bad for him, but we do need some more single men around here'."

"'He’s not bad looking, has a retirement too'.”- CuriousOne9320

Round And Round It Goes...

"'If the Earth is spinning, then why my front door is always facing east?'"- SuvenPan

"Something I once heard a passing stranger say for which I have no context: 'He wears a scarf around his neck so you can't see where he's decaying'."

"I've been curious for years and it annoys me that I'll never know."- xyanon36

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

"An ex after I ended things 'I don’t understand, if I want to be in a relationship with you but you don’t want to be in a relationship with me why do you get to win?'"- TinyFurryHorseBeak

Not His Decision To Make

"Was at an end of season event for my kid's baseball team when he was little."

"The coaches brought Italian ice for everyone."

"Mom has just served her kids and husband and comes back with her own."

"As she's sitting down to eat, I hear her husband loud whisper behind her something like 'absolutely not'."

"'You don't need any more calories'."

"I just watched her face fall."

"I can't imagine what their marriage must look like behind closed doors and what life must be like for her."

"Heartbreaking."

"Note that this woman was already probably a size 2 at most so this was not a scenario where there were serious weight-related health problems."

"This guy was just a jerk and this really wasn't the first time that season, but his reminders that they aren't living up to his standards were usually aimed at his kids on the field."

"I try to assume the best of people but that guy sucked."- littleirishpixie

The Truth Hurts

"I was in an accident once and was hospitalized."

"The accident left me severely disfigured."

"I was out of my mind on pain meds when I arrived at the hospital and told my family to call my girlfriend and let her know what happened and where I was."

"My mom called my girlfriend and my sister not knowing the particulars of my life called my ex."

"Neither knew the other had called and both ended up showing up."

"They arrived within an hour of one another while I was asleep."

"Since someone was there with me it gave my family a chance to go home and take a break."

"So I woke up to my ex and my girlfriend talking to one another."

"Obviously my girlfriend was mad my ex was there and things got heated between the two."

"My ex being level headed suggested they step into the hall since I was half awake and in no condition to deal with the drama."

"As they're arguing in the hall voices are being raised until finally a nurse comes to reign the situation in."

"The nurse breaking them up made my girlfriend leave."

"As she was leaving she yelled 'you can have his a**'."

"'It's not like I wanna be with some burnt up scarred dude anyway'."

"'He's f*cked'."

"At this point I was still bed ridden and hadn't seen a mirror."

"I was aware my body was f*cked but had no idea what I actually looked like."

"Hearing that was such a gut punch and it really messed with my head at the time."- Burnvictim49percent

Where To Even Begin?

"I am a tutor."

"I heard some of my students say ;What's the point in learning history? We should live in the present'."

"We are German."- GentlemanPirate13

Most of the time, when a friend or family member warns us or apologizes for sharing "too much information" or "TMI", what we've heard isn't that shocking in the grand scheme of things.

Indeed, as evidenced by the sad and shocking stories above, when people really share TMI, they often have no idea they're doing so.


A hand adds a yellow post it to a wall of yellow post its
Photo by Kelly Sikkema

There are rules in life where people are expected to just know how to operate without being told.

For instance, if someone falls down... help them.

When you like a sweater in a store... get money to buy it.

Just leaving with it won't go over well.

And there are more rules, or guidelines to adhere to...

Redditor christygl7 wanted to hear about what is expected in people's homes without words, so they asked:

"What's an unwritten rule in your household?"

If you have to pee... lift the seat cover.

The people in Port Authority always miss that one.

Routine

Cleaning Chores GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy

"Either my wife or I can do any chore when noticed. We thank each other for routine chores as we appreciate each other."

cwsjr2323

"That’s how my fiancée and I handle chores. Whoever’s around when the core needs to be done does the chore, typically. I find she does more regular cleaning of the whole apartment while I do more dishes and cooking."

radtech91

Trashed

"Replacing the trash bag IS PART OF taking out the trash."

UndiagnosedReptard

"Similar to this, in my house, the rule is if the toilet paper ended on your turn (or there’s barely enough for the next person) then it is your job to procure the next roll and put it in the bathroom. It is NOT acceptable to let it run out for the next person."

wavesnfreckles

"We have extra stored in every bathroom. I make sure of it. However, if it runs low/out on the roll, my wife will 100% of the time take the new roll and set it on top of the empty tube on the spindle, refusing to replace it. I actually called her over and shamed her into changing it in front of me the other night (not in an abusive way - we were both laughing about it)."

on_the_nightshift

Finder's Keepers

"If you find money in the laundry while you are doing the laundry, it's yours."

Rich1926

"Yep. My boyfriend learned that lesson the hard way when we first started living together. He had a bad habit of just crumpling up bills in a big wad in his pocket, usually just ones, but sometimes he accidentally leaves a twenty in there. I tipped myself the twenty. It took him a couple of days of trying to figure out where it went before I took pity on him and told him."

"He now both turns out his pockets and washes his own clothes. I still find the occasional single dollar in the dryer."

Head_Razzmatazz7174

Dropped something?

"If food is dropped on the floor it becomes the property of the dog. The dog knew this rule before we did."

Altruistic-Bit-9766

"That was one of the hardest things after our family dog died. Dropped something? Who cares! Riley will get it. But then he didn’t."

"Also, I don’t live at home anymore but coming home to him barking and crying out of excitement and greeting me always made my day and I looked forward to it every time I opened the door and could hear him wiggling in excitement on the side hahaha. It’s a little less exciting coming home now."

ohno807

Obligations...

Water Stay GIF by Kinda FunnyGiphy

"If the water you take from the Brita pitcher leaves what’s left below a certain line, you are obligated to refill the pitcher on penalty of death."

halcyon3608

If you stay in my home and don't refill the Brita pitcher...

I'm setting your hair on fire at 3 AM!!!

Flushed

Go Away Pink GIF by HacklockGiphy

"Check the toilet after you flush."

NANNYNEGLEY

"This. My brother-in-law never does this. It's annoying and disgusting! You don't want to clean up after yourself because you think it's gross? How do you think it makes me feel to clean up after you?"

purplestarsinthesky

WAKE UP!

"Wake someone up if their alarm goes off. It's a pretty weird one but setting up alarms is a conscious and deliberate decision for all of us and you want to wake up when it goes off, so we just help each other out."

DonMartiniMacaroni

"I'll do this a few times, but my roommate needs to learn not to hit snooze because he's taught his body that alarms don't need to be woken up to. I don't wake him up anymore. He started waking up to them."

stumblinbear

"I’ll wake them up because it annoys me when people snooze especially if I’m next to them in the bed and I don’t have to get up."

chill90ies

No Exceptions!

"Shoes off at the door. No exceptions."

Next-Dark-4975"

"Shoes-on people must not be using the same public bathrooms that I do. 100% of them have a lake of dirty urine in front of the urinal. They must also be amazing at finding two urine-free spots that are shoe-sized on the shores of said lake. It’s fine if they want to bring that into their homes. It’s not allowed in mine, though."

Bmadray

Table Manners

"No tech at the table."

"Even with a teenage daughter this has proved eerily easy; we all love food though!!"

"Also murder is out of the question, it is non-negotiable. If any of us kills another then they are outlawed in the true sense."

"Other than this, we are pretty cool."

Dante2005

Woof

Well Done Applause GIF by MOODMANGiphy

"Let the dog out to go potty before you use the restroom. (Seriously, the dog is asking to go out and you think she can wait while you take a 30-minute poop first? Not cool.)"

InfiniteBackspace

Always let the dogs go first.

If you wait, you won't like the surprise they leave!

person using laptop computer to make a credit card purchase
rupixen.com on Unsplash

Sometimes we look at a product and think "who would buy that, and why?"

For me the "Flowbee" home haircutting tool comes to mind. If you're unfamiliar, it's a shaver you attached to your vacuum cleaner so you hair was pulled past cutting blades.

It was sold on late night infomercials in the 1990s.

Who wouldn't want to style their hair like this?

Flowbee infomercial GIFGiphy

As fabulous as that looks, results did vary with most veering toward "yikes!" yet by 2000 the company reported 2 million were sold.

And *surprise* you can still buy one—for about $150.

It seems no matter how bad a product is, someone will buy it.

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