Woman Feels Smothered, Isn't Sure How To Tell Partner She Needs Some Alone Time
I think, fundamentally, there are two types of people.
Some folks are perfectly satisfied to have their romantic partner as their only social outlet. They don't need other friends, they don't need hobbies, they don't need alone time, they're perfectly content to live with the "us against the world" mindset.
Other people need to maintain a social life outside of their partner. They need to continue those friendships, outlets, and time to themselves to recharge. To those people, the idea of being someone's whole world isn't a heart-warming one; it's a high-pressure suffocating situation.
I'm not here to say one type is right or wrong, but relationships can get pretty complicated when one partner is one way, the other is the opposite. Communication is key, but this can be a really hurtful topic of conversation that's difficult to navigate when one partner just doesn't get the others needs or why they would even have them.
One Reddit user is sitting squarely in the middle of this problem. She adores her partner, but he never gives her any breathing room and tries to make her feel guilty when she takes some time to herself. He even texts her constantly while she's at work and gets hurt when she can't respond right away. In an effort to get some time to herself, she called in sick to work so she could just be home alone. She realized she's hit her breaking point and reached out for some advice.
I called in sick to work today so I could have some time alone from my partner. My partner is always around. Some people will say I'm lucky that he wants to be around me all of the time, but it's feeling so smothering.
We've been together for 10 years. He has no friends he hangs out with, and the only time he'll do his hobby (fishing) is when I'm busy doing something else. If I suggest he should go fishing, he asks why I'm trying to get rid of him. If I want to hang out with my friend (which we only do once a week), instead of saying "that sounds fun, I hope you have a good time!" he'll say "well what am I going to do? You've been at work all day, I haven't seen you, I'm going to miss you". He makes me feel guilty for leaving him alone.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed. How do you tell your partner of 10 years that he's smothering me and I need guilt-free alone time? I have told him before, but he gets a little mopey and wonders why I need "me time". It's just not really a concept he understands, and it's hard to explain.
It hasn't always been like this, but we've moved cities a few times and his friend pool has dwindled down to nothing, and he doesn't know how to make new friends. His co-dependence has just been getting worse and worse and I'm just starting to hit the end of my mental strings.
Here are some of the responses she got. Some have been edited for clarity. What advice would you have given?
Let Him Mope
GiphyOne secret to getting people to accept something you want and they don't is that you need to be able to handle the moping. Just let him mope. Don't cave in. Keep repeating the message on different occasions. Go hang out with your friend. Go out for a walk. (You probably can't force him out of the house, so for now you need to leave to get some alone time.) After a while it'll sink in that moping doesn't accomplish anything.
It's like when I was little and would whine to my mother that I was bored. Her response: "I see." Of course I thought that was massively irritating as a kid, but I did learn how to entertain myself. :-)
Now this isn't to say that you can't help your partner, too. Maybe you two could go check out a hobby together, so it's not so scary for him the first time? Just do this on a separate occasion, NOT when you were just planning to go out alone.
- bssndcky
Co-Dependent Shut-In
GiphyThe things you want for yourself (time to yourself, a life, friends, hobbies, work being a time you aren't available to just socialize) these are all super reasonable things. But since your SO is pouty and difficult about it you feel like you need to compromise or give up these completely reasonable healthy things.
You need to be able to just accept that it is okay for you to do these things and if your SO can't see that, it is on him. He is the one making himself miserable here. It isn't your job to be a co-dependent shut-in who has no friends or hobbies and texts with him all day when you should be working to spare his feelings. Instead, you should live a normal adult life and it's his job to learn how to handle that.
Stop feeling bad or guilty or like you need to comprise on having a normal life. Don't feed into his pity party or moping or annoyance. It works a lot less well to be a pouty moper if no one pays any attention to that. Whether it's an intentional manipulation or just a more unconscious learned behavior, you've taught your boyfriend that if he is pouty, mopey, annoyed, etc that you make his feelings into your problem and you compromise yourself and give him the attention he is seeking.
Suggest Some Self Reflection
GiphyHe needs to do some self-reflection. I did a lot of introspecting this year and I reached a few conclusions. I've always been really clingy and had a great need for attention.
I was neglected most of my life and praised for not being a troublemaker. So I never made trouble or went looking for the attention I needed from my mom. Worth noting is the few times I did act out, I would get beat down and it would enforce the idea that I was the problem and I would double down on just raising myself
And I realized that emotionally I never grew past being a toddler. I had this realization when I hit a lot of growth this year, I was joking about finally entering my teenaged rebellion in my mid/late twenties when suddenly I realized it was basically exactly what was happening.
I've grown a lot and I'm getting better at being self sufficient, but it's a long road and I'll always be behind the curve, I think. I'm alright with that, and my husband is alright with that. We have a good dynamic. He understands that I need attention and I understand that I need it, so if I feel like I'm not getting enough of it I can channel and process those feelings and work through them. Over time I condition myself to be more independent.
Just a few thoughts.
- valicat
Desktops And Cell Phones
GiphyI once read this analogy in this sub: extroverts are like desktop computers, they're always available to interact with other people, their source of energy for interaction never runs out. Introverts are like cell phones, they're happy to interact, but eventually their battery runs out and they need a brief period to recharge before they're ready again.
Perhaps you can use it to try to explain to your SO that it's not that you don't enjoy your time with him, it's just that's the way you're wired and it's a personality trait you cannot change by sheer will (not that you'd have to even if you could.)
He Gets It, He Would Just Rather...
GiphyIt's not that he doesn't understand. Honestly, he doesn't have to feel the same way to understand. He gets it. He would just rather service his own discomfort over yours. He puts his want ahead of your need. Not cool.
It's not your job to stop him from moping. Set the expectation. I love you, I need alone time because I like it. Not because I dislike you. Millions of people have this same need. You have to respect it in order to respect me.
Schedule the times. Don't give in to guilt. He understands. He just prefers to guilt you instead of managing this alone. And he needs to.
"Listen Babe..."
GiphyI would essentially say,
"Listen babe. You know I love you, and I love spending time with you. I don't know if you understand, but I would really love it if you could respect my wishes for when I would like some alone time. Sometimes, after working all day, i just need some time doing my own thing and being my own person. It doesn't mean I love you any less, it just means that sometimes I need to recharge my batteries. I really think this is important because without this individual time to recharge, I get really worn down a lot quicker; which means when you and I DO spend time together I will be a lot less attentive... and neither of us want that! I can't pour from an empty cup babe! I need this time alone to recharge and refill. I would appreciate it so much if you could try to understand and if you could respect my wishes when it comes to this. I think it may even make us a stronger unit if we both strengthen ourselves individually so we can be extra strong when we are together."
I had a really hard time with this too. I had no friends, was alone all day... it was hard because I felt really deprived of human interaction and I would get said and feel left out when my BF would get home from work and almost immediately go to do something with friends or go fishing or something. It hurt my feelings because I was like, "does he not care that I literally don't see anyone all day? He's my only interaction with people I get all day and he just leaves me alone?"
Then he sat me down and had that same talk with me basically. What really made it click for me was when he told me it's really important to him that we both can be our own person without the other one there. He told me that he would think it was really cool if I picked up a hobby and devoted a lot of time to it or something like that. and he also said that he believed it would really strengthen our bond (distance makes the heart grow fonder) and make the time we do spend together even more special and that really made it click for me :)
Used To Be The Clingy Partner
GiphyI used to be the clingy partner towards the beginning of my relationship with my husband. For me, it came from an extremely low self esteem. I needed him around to feel whole. I didn't engage in hobbies or friendships because I didn't bother ever starting it because I was lazy and subconsciously didn't think I was worth it. The reason I say all of this is because about 3 years ago I became interested in self help, yoga, meditation and affirmations. All of which slowly helped me gain my self esteem. I'm almost a different person now--I actually thoroughly enjoy my own company. We spend a lot of time apart doing our own things and I love it. And when we we're together again we enjoy each other's company more than we ever have. Just my experience.
- owslem1
Introverts Need To Recharge
GiphySounds like you might both be introverts. I could be wrong, but I'm writing this as an introvert myself. I need time to energize after social interactions. After I get home from work for instance I usually just want to be left alone. I don't have to do that, but after a day or two of constant socializing I just shut down and retreat.. So I get ahead of that and give myself plenty of alone time throughout the week.
It sounds like your partner is recharging while you're gone and does not run into the same problem you do, as you have no time to recharge and be by yourself. If you're really an introvert (and maybe even if you aren't?) such alone recharging time is vital! If I didn't get mine, I'd be so cranky all the time.. I feel so much better after getting that regular alone time.
Talk to him about this! Tell him you need your alone time too! He gets his, and you need yours! Your partner needs friends and hobbies, his lifestyle doesn't sound very healthy, and it's draining your social energy away.
- warpus
Dude Is Lonely
GiphyI sifted through the comments looking for the reason why this was happening- the trigger- and factoring in all the moving, this totally makes sense. If this is not the person they were 10 or even 3 years ago then in my mind this is just a bump in the road and not an unchangeable personality flaw or mismatch between you both.
Dude is lonely. Plain and simple. And he's not lonely from your relationship, he's lonely from lack of meaningful platonic intimacy with friends and he's projecting that onto you. He's trying to fill a different need with the substance of your relationship so inevitably that well runs dry. If he struggles with expressing his emotions he may be aware and be embarrassed to say so, or he may not be aware at all.
When my husband had some frustrations around loneliness and lack of friendships when we moved to a new state I tried to address the need for an outlet that wasn't me. So I invited a couple female and male coworkers out to a movie with me and my husband so he can meet new people, I started hanging out with a girl who I thought was great and suspected her boyfriend and my husband would hit it off and scheduled a couples date, and I helped him find a new job (at a young startup!) because he was surrounded by much older, boring colleagues who he couldn't connect with. I also made plans for him to fly back home to see his best friend and family, and I planned a surprise trip for a friend of his to come stay with us for a week.
It sounds like a lot of work and it might be a little overwhelming to essentially plan friend dates for your partner but if he feels lost and lonely and admittedly making friends later in life IS harder, then for his mental wellness and definitely your own, it may take a little magic on your part to nudge him in the right direction.
If after trying some things to get him going on being his own person, and having a conversation with him about your needs there's still no change then I would really consider couples cognitive behavioral therapy because woooo is that a life saver. I say that because if he can't find his own way I think you will continue to grow frustrated and resent him, and he will continue to feel lonely and on top of that, rejected by the one person he does have, which will make him withdraw. As you both pull away from each other over time that creates distance that is really difficult to rebuild.
Best of luck to you both! I hope your heart gets the space it needs to grow for itself and grow fonder for him, and his gets the friendship it needs to grow independent.
"...Like A Bear Trap..."
GiphyNothing makes my vagina clamp shut like a bear trap faster than neediness. If he sulks and pouts every time you close the bathroom door without inviting him in, this might be a fundamental incompatibility issue. I honestly don't know how you've lived through 10 years of this, but it sounds like you're hitting your limit and now it's literally affecting your work, so it's time to deal with it directly.
I suggest that you sit down with him, not at a time when you've butted heads over this issue, but when you're both calm and rational, and talk about it. Tell him what you need, and how it makes you feel when he lays guilt on your shoulders. When he says "why don't you want to be with me", tell him point blank that you're worried about him, that this level of co-dependence is not healthy, and that it's damaging your relationship and you need to do something about it before it's too late. If he's not willing to listen to you or consider your feelings as well as his own, then you've got a real problem here.
H/T: Reddit
It's a wonderful feeling when you think you've met "the one."
Someone who is so perfect in absolutely every way that you can't help but think that they must be too good to be true.
Only to make the unpleasant discovery that they are, indeed, too good to be true.
As they neglected to tell you one important piece of information: they're seeing something else.
A discovery that is naturally met with rage, sadness, and confusion.
As well as the occasional unexpected, unusual development down the line.
"Guys that sleep with other guy's girlfriends, do you feel bad afterwards? Why or why not?"
Lose A Significant Other, Make A Friend!
"Hooked up with a girl at a party once."
"We hit it off and arranged to go on an actual date the next week."
"About an hour later someone told me her BF had just showed up."
"I gave the dude a beer, explained that I had no idea she wasn't single and that I'm sorry."
"He gave me a massive hug and thanked me for being upfront."
"We both told her to f*ck off and spent the rest of the night drinking and singing karaoke together."
"Top bloke."
"I didn't feel bad; I was lied to, he was betrayed, she was a *unt, nothing more to it really."- 5Volt
Pulled The Plug
"I did it twice not knowing they had bfs."
"Yes, I felt bad afterwards and I totally cut contact when I found out."- born_again_tim
Cartoons Button GIF by NickelodeonGiphyBuh-Bye!
"When I was in college a married woman tried to hide her marriage… to a deployed Marine."
"As soon as I found out, I bounced."
"I never condone cheating."- ItsbeenBroughton
Two People Were Duped
"I actually have a story about this."
"So I hooked up with a girl who had a long term boyfriend at the time."
"I didn't know and we had few encounters over a two month period."
"One day I was curious and decided to look at her socials and that's when I found out about him."
"I never bothered to look because I was being ignorant and it was first time being in a fwb situation so I was excited and wanted to keep it secret."
"As I scrolled down her socials all I saw were pics of them on expensive dates and trips and I just felt so bad for the guy."
"I felt like I had become the thing I hated the most."
"So that same night I decided to DM him about the situation and send him the texts between me and her to show him proof."
"He then called me and sounded really hurt holding back tears and all I could do was just say sorry over and over."
"But he thanked me and told me he would be leaving her."
"I then blocked her number and thought it was over with but later on that week the girl showed up at my place of work and damaged my car."
"Although I was angry at the moment I chose not to press charges as advised by the police (not USA) because the damage was minimal."
"But yea that's my story."
"On a positive note he found a new girl who looks way better and they equally appreciate each other outwardly on their socials so yes it was a happy ending."- rankyy
Beyonce Lemonade GIFGiphyEven The Idea Is Hard Enough
"I lost a mate this way."
"We were really close friends and he was going through a rough time with his then girlfriend."
"She decided to get back at him by writing some bullsh*t in her journal about her and I hooking up and then conveniently left it out so he would see it."
"It was 100% untrue."
"Friend confronted me on it and I told him it was untrue but he didn’t believe me."
"We stopped talking after that."
"He eventually reached out to me about 6 months later after she admitted to him that she had made it all up."
"The damage was done and we never were the same again."- tizod
This Opens Many Questions...
"I had a brief friends with benefits arrangement with a girl who had a boyfriend."
"I didn't know the guy, and I was young and impetuous at the time."
"After time went on, I started to feel bad about it."
"It all came to a head when she told me she wanted to leave him to be with me and I said no."
"She asked why not."
"I said I couldn't trust her as a girlfriend."
"She asked why."
"I said, you've literally spent the last 2 months cheating on your boyfriend."
"With me."
"Why else do you think?"- Idontdanceforfun
Fox Accuse GIF by New GirlGiphyAn Agreement Or Just Her Policy?
"I hooked up with a lady at my gym, she didn't say sh*t about being married, she came to my place the two times we hooked up."
"I saw her again at the gym with a dude, when he went off to go do something I went over and said hi, she said don't talk to her here with her husband around, she will call me later."
"She called me later and told me her husband worked out of town a ton, when in town she was with him, when he's out she's free to do as she pleases."
"We did not meet up again."- SomeRandomUser00
Thankfully, They Grew Up...
"I did it knowingly during High School."
"I was dating and she was too, but we both had issues in our relationships and we didn't know how to figure them out."
"Clinging to our toxic relationships we found solace in each other and enjoyed spending time together."
"We ended up fooling around and after we had sex, we both stopped."
"We stayed friends for a while and both continued dating, but eventually both of us were single."
"I regret it, he doesn't know about it, I told my gf and she accepted my apology, even though we did break up about a year later."
"I'm not proud of myself and I still hate myself for it."- Slippy_666
Nipped In The Bud...
"A buddy’s wife tried to get with me once."
"I told her she had 90 seconds to call her husband (my best friend from High school), put the call on speaker, and explain to the two of us why she was a complete POS…or I’d call him myself."
"They divorced the next month."- Pennameus_The_Mighty
Season 2 No GIF by MartinGiphySome Secrets Aren't Worth Keeping
"If i know she cheated with me on her dude I let the dude know.""
"i hate that kind of people."- DaEpicBob
It's hard to place blame on those who unknowingly got together with partnered individuals.
Those who knew what they were doing, on the other hand, should have expected there to be consequences of some sort or another.
Do you have any similar experiences, let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down The Exact Moment They Realized Their Best Friend Was A Complete A-Hole
Sometimes we're so blind to the faults of others.
Learning the hard truth about a best friend is never easy.
Especially if that particular truth is the fact that they were never a good friend or good person, to begin with.
But we see people how we see them.
And one day, we see beyond what we want.
You sort of feel bamboozled.
But when someone tells you who they are, whether with their words or their actions, believe them.
Redditor RealTourelle11 wanted to hear how friendships fell apart, so they asked:
"What made you realize your best friend was actually a complete a**hole?"
I've realized far too many times too late, that some people need to go.
Not all friends are friends.
EXCUSE ME?!
real housewives fight GIF by RealityTVGIFsGiphy"When she told me she was cheating on her husband, and then I found out she was cheating with MY husband."
7grendel
$40 worth of snacks...
"I was poor and in college, I had the flu really really bad one week and asked my friend (he lived in a dorm across the hall) to go to the convenience store in the dorm lobby and get me something to drink and he could get whatever for himself too. He got me my soda and himself $40 worth of snacks."
"Didn’t notice at the time and I ordered us a pizza, he knew it was all I was going to have to eat for the next few days, and he snuck into my room and ate the leftovers while I was passed out on cold medicine."
"I didn’t even really know how to respond. Like I was already buying him snacks and feeding him… he had a meal plan on campus (I didn’t)… why act like that?"
EmperorMrKitty
Thief
"When I trusted and believed he was like a brother only to have him steal thousands of dollars from me. The money didn’t even matter but the treason hurt for years."
thejourney_89
"Happened to me too. A girl who was like a sister to me stole $80K from my business (her husband did, with her knowledge) and then turned her back on me while I was going through chemo. To be fair, I did tell her the worst thing would be if I lost a huge amount of money like that and that I’d rather have cancer again so I did give her the method to hurt me the worst. So there’s that."
Miqotegirl
Blocked
"Over time we lost contact, then she only reached out when she needed money. I let this go on too long until I found out I was pregnant with my first, and told her then I wouldn't send any money after that. She still asked, my daughter is now over 1.5 yo, and she had never even met her. I ended up blocking her and telling her not to bother trying to reach out anymore."
Beneficial_Affect522
Conversation Over...
Talking Blah Blah Blah GIF by Wiz KhalifaGiphy"I started to realize that they only ever talk about themselves. They rarely ask me a question, but then cut me off while I’m answering to make it about them."
onemoretwat
Why can't people realize they need to shut up?
Probably because they don't care.
And Me?
Bye Bye Goodbye GIF by Mickey MouseGiphy"Realizing I am always there for them but it is never reciprocated or even acknowledged or even feigned interested in any thing I am doing in life."
Auniqueusername1983
Favors
"Best friend since elementary. In high school When I told her I no longer wanted to be friends because she was mean to others all the time, including me- she said that I had to be friends with her cuz she was my friend In elementary and middle school even tho everyone told her not to be, and that everyone talked behind my back about how gross and weird I was and she stayed my friend anyhow. She worded it like she was doing me a huge favor by being my friend and that I somehow owed her for that charity."
caffeinebee
In the end...
"Probably when my gf at the time admitted to sleeping with him and my three other guy friends while we were together. Not in an embarrassed way either, she was throwing it in my face to hurt me."
"I hoped against my own instincts that it wasn't true but I asked him and knew instantly from the look in his eyes that it was. Basically lost my whole friend group overnight, but... ended up finding much better friends in the long run. It all works out."
sleepingfox307
The Single Life
"All we ever talked about was her - how she hated being single, who she dated, how jealous she was of other people with partners. She skipped my dad's funeral. She ignored my housewarming party. She'd ignore me for weeks at a time, then suddenly call me up crying because she got dumped."
"I drove her to surgeries and sat waiting to drive her home. Watched her kids. Sat through a hundred weepy nights."
"Then she found a relationship. I have seen her 1x in the past 9 months (because I invited her to get together) and haven't heard from her in 3. I guess she must be happy now, doesn't need me to be a shoulder to lean on. She wasn't ever interested in being a friend to me. I was just someone to cheer her up when she was feeling down."
knastywoman
Loser
Shaking Head Reaction GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy"When he got his girlfriend pregnant he got 6 weeks of paternity leave. He lived with me and she had her own place. For months after the child was born he sat home taking advantage of his paid vacation playing 10 hours of video games a day while she struggled with the child."
GuyMansworth
Some people just need to go from our lives.
It's healthy.
Do you have any experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Confess Why They Think Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex Is A Good Or Bad Idea
Why is sex such a dramatic aspect of life?
It carries such weight in our lives.
For some, there's a big debate about waiting for marriage.
Other want to know if they're compatible (both emotionally and sexually) before tying the knot.
Whether it's for religious or other reasons, this topic can put a strain on many adult relationships.
First and foremost, we do know we have to do what's best for us.
Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
No Touching
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
rlev97
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
Whatwhyohhh
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
ThrowRA--scootscooti
All Aspects
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
reidjanie
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
frecklie
Things Change
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Sithlord_unknownhost
Stay Calm
Relaxing Chill Out GIF by Talk StoopGiphy"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
1107rwf
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
PostRdMalone
Roulette
tv land casino GIF by Lopez on TV LandGiphy"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
Zerotan
Don’t judge...
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Icanicoke
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
Hiding_In_The_Back
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
nivsei15
More than talk...
Heart GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
Deaf_Witch
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
DescipleOfCorn
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
We've all known someone who tends to say mean things or generally be kind of a jerk.
And whether we want to admit to it or not, it can be fun to see that jerk taken down a few notches with a solid insult.
Ready for roasting, Redditor depressed_jellybear asked:
"What's the best insult you've ever heard?"
Not Your Mom
"When I was in high school, one of my classmates gave our teacher a typical 'your mom' response to a question without realizing the teacher’s mother had just died."
"Without missing a beat, the teacher said, 'Leave my mother out of this. I don’t make fun of your parents, and look what they produced.”
- HopeDeferred
Adoption Jokes Not Welcome
"I was playing 'Pavlov' (a virtual reality game) with a group of people, one of which was this very annoying kid who kept saying something like, 'You're bad because you're adopted,' and stuff like that."
"He did that to one dude, and the guy replies something like, 'I'd return the insult, but that'd imply someone wanted you.'"
"Had the whole lobby erupting. I don't know if it's taken from somewhere or what."
- ClaireBear13492
Underestimated by the Teacher
"Teacher of mine once said to a classmate who kept making the most asinine contributions to the conversation:"
"'You make it really difficult to underestimate you.'"
"The guy had no idea what it meant, he thought it was a compliment."
- robbycakes
Jeez, Dad.
"16-year-old me trying to convince my dad to take my friends and I to see 'American Pie':"
"Dad: So what is it about?"
"Me: A group of high school friends trying to lose their virginity."
"Dad: I can stay home and see that."
- Theromented1
Based on Real Life
"I once asked my cousin if he watched the tv show 'Desperate Housewives,' and he said, 'No, I’m married to one."
- InourbwotamI
The Joke Will Go On
"I remember when 'Titanic' came out. My grandma, my mom, and I were getting ready to see it."
"My grandpa said, 'Don’t know what the fuss is about. I can tell you what happens, the boat sinks. The end.'"
"Lol (laughing out loud). Maybe it was his delivery, but it cracked me up."
- a7xbarbie
So, Anyway...
"The best one I've heard was, ''I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.'"
- scottcree486
Seems Pretty Complicated
"I overheard someone tell someone else, They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes."
- thepiecesaremoving
An Insult for an Insult
“You’re not the dumbest person I’ve ever met, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
- Trick-Reveal-463
"And I have the best response for that: 'Well then, I will pray for your health.'"
- Maria_506
New Take on the Clown Car
"I saw a bunch of quite pretentious people getting out of a limo at a club and pretending they’re more than they are to get in ahead of the line."
"The bouncer quipped, 'I can always tell clowns, all arriving in the same car.'"
- preferablyoutside
Signs of Aging
"Some bouncers are brilliantly witty, I assume it comes with working in a job where you have to deal with drunk a**holes all the time."
"A few years ago, I got IDed to enter a bar. I'd recently started buzzing my hair due to hair loss, yet my photo driving license had me with a thick full head of hair from several years before."
"The bouncer looked at the card, then me, and then said, 'Haven't you forgotten something?'"
"I was confused. He then showed his colleague, who nodded and said, 'Yeah mate, you've definitely forgotten something.'"
"Then he pointed to his head."
- Squeaky_Lobster
Good Luck Getting a Job
"You've got a face for radio, and a voice for writing."
- mike_e_mcgee
Girl Quips
"From 'Golden Girls':"
"Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms."
"Sofia: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?"
- LissaMasterofCoin
Randomness Wins
"Context aside, someone once told me I look like I go to the park to punch birds."
- TheRoamingWeeb
While it can feel terrible to need to be around negative people sometimes, there's hope knowing that there are some things we can say that are funny and that will relatively put them in their place.
Now if only some of us could think of the comeback at the moment when it's useful...