This will be a perfectly average article about perfectly average things.
There will be C-level effort given here.
This will be like the "normal" episode of Spongebob.
Reddit user WinstonChurchillin asked:
"What is neither terrible nor great, but perfectly average?"
I've never written an ode to beige before, and I'm not about to start now ... which is fine because C-level effort, people.
Starting with this moment of clarity.
The Taste Of Mediocrity
coke pouring GIFGiphy"A canned coke slightly colder than room temperature."
- ImDedNgl
"I didn't know how to answer this question but as soon as I saw your answer... it all just... made sense."
- _forum_mod
"Oh my god I can taste it on my tongue as I read this. The taste of mediocrity."
- momoman46
"When you put it in the freezer so it'll get colder faster and you check back like 15 minutes later and it feels cold to the touch; but when you drink it, it's not that cold, but you're like, screw it and drink it anyway."
- MyStationIsAbandoned
A Dinner Downgrade
"Just had a cooking class in high school and we made a potato and leek soup."
"The first words me and my friend used to describe it were 'ok' and 'alright.' "
"It was really the most average thing I've tasted; not that it was bland just that it was neither good nor terrible."
- RavensArePrettyCool
"This is my favorite 'meh, that sounds alright' dinner to make."
"It’s both easy and hard to make right. It’s simple, and yet I have to go out of my way to get leeks from one specific grocer, which makes it hard."
"It’s an ordeal and so very average all at once. Strange."
- deadheadcycle
"Potato and leek soup is just a downgrade from leek soup."
- Alexthegreatbelgian
Ohio
ohio columbus GIFGiphy"The Midwest. Especially Ohio."
- SpyTheLie
"Just moved to Ohio last year. It’s fine."
- Mindbender444
"Came here looking for Ohio. Fitting I should find it in an average response."
- Jayphlat
"Ohio sucks"
"- a Michigander 😂"
- NyaNyx
Historical Math
"If Ivan the Terrible had a baby boy and Alexander the Great had a baby girl and by some miracle, those two babies met throughout history and f***ed, the resulting baby would be the most perfectly average baby ever birthed."
- 0ldPainless
"I like the way your brain works."
- SnooDingos2721
"Average Joe incarnate."
- mynameisnad
They're Not Awful
"A baloney and American cheese sandwich on white bread with Mayo."
"No one would order one in a restaurant, and no one is ever excited to have one, but they’re not awful. A perfectly average sandwich."
- No_Pen_4702
"There's as many terrible sandwiches out there that are much worse than this as there are good sandwiches that are better. This one fits very well."
"My wife loves these sandwiches, mind you, as do several others I know."
- RhettSarlin
Nothing Exciting
"Staying at a Holiday Inn."
"Quality is consistent, but nothing exciting is going on."
"It’s not so nice that you’ll get a hotel bar and restaurant, but it’s not so crappy that you can watch The Neighbor Show with all the crazy folks also staying there."
- felinelawspecialist
The Corolla Choir
Robots What GIF by ToyotaGiphy"A tan 2002 Toyota Corolla."
"That was my last car before the current one. While I had it, I would sometimes think about how this is just 'a car.' "
"There's new cars and old cars. Cool cars and sh*tty cars. Cars that are fun to drive and cars that are scary to drive."
"But a 2002 Corolla... That's none of those things. It's just a car."
- aguycalledkyle
"The Toyota Corolla. Every single one of them."
- Blindog68
"Wife and I's first car together was a Corolla coupe. It had the cool disappearing headlights, which made it slightly nicer than average."
- DesertTripper
1 Snack
"Home brand garlic bread where they skimp on sesame seeds atop the loaf and the butter is slightly too stingy."
"The ultimate in 6.1/10 snacking."
- TheRysingTyde
Better late than never
Season 10 Bbq GIF by The SimpsonsGiphy"Showing up late to a barbecue, and while there's still plenty of food left, it's not exactly warm anymore, but it's not so cold that you don't want it."
-Etterra
"But the beers are still in a cooler filled with water that used to be ice. Not perfectly chilled, but I'll have one!"
-BleuDePrusse
"Yeah but the beer tastes like it was brewed in the 60s."
-Etterra
"Late enough so that everyone is there, but not too late so that anyone hasn’t left"
-spacesheep_000
Little goes a long way
"Accidentally putting a little less toothpaste on the brush than you normally do."
-rcdr_90
"Oddly specific and perfect."
-CringeVader
"I actually nodded and smiled a little when I read this comment, like 'Oh yeah that's it'. And then I laughed at myself"
-iairhh
"The dinosaur said it should be pea sized I stuck with it since."
-Such-List680
Take a seat
French Bulldog Love GIF by The BarkPostGiphy"Public benches"
-maren_voyage
"Nailed it. They are never great, but they’re almost always pretty okay."
-ProbablyaDrugDealer
"Except for the ones with anti-homeless aspects in their design. Those ones are mildly evil."
-UlteriorCulture
"Big facts. Not a single bench I've ever sat on has been comfortable, but they still let me sit for a bit."
-LawMurphy
Wrong flavor
"A piece of chocolate but it’s not in your favorite flavor. For me it’s one of those orange filled ones."
-NoHoliday7040
"the pain i feel whenever i bite into a chocolate, and it's raspberry flavor is too much to bear"
-Caesthoffe
"The orange ones are the best"
-Ruta008
Meh-tatoe chips
chips GIFGiphy"The no name chips from the drugstore."
-sonia72quebec
"Edible, but nothing to write home about."
-ilike7hournaps
"
Perfect date
Miss Congeniality April 25Th GIFGiphy"April 25th. It's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket."
-ExtinctFauna
"Its the perfect date!"
-GreenOnionCrusader
"Get outta here Mrs. Rhode Island lol"
-LessMidRange
Above average
"Saltine crackers"
-TyroneSuave
"Ok don’t judge me but my mom would make our birthday cakes by hand and her leftover buttercream icing on saltines is my low key redneck poor kid comfort treat"
-[Reddit]
"By themselves? Yes. In soup? above average."
-jdinklagemargoone
"Nope, they're great. Fresh butter on a saltine is incredible."
-DrInsomnia
Mall 'Za
Stranger Things Indiana GIF by netflixlatGiphy"Mall pizza. It's never great pizza. Never terrible pizza. Just pizza."
-lorinabaninabanana
"Just a little za."
-dovahkiinot
"Mediocre pizza to me is worse than bad pizza. Truly bad pizza at least makes you feel something - anger about having paid for it, disgust over having to eat it, etc."
"But mediocre pizza just makes you sit there, chewing dough and tasting nothing, while you contemplate your mortality and how your life led you to this moment."
-ThriftAllDay
Chill dog
"A hot dog with no toppings"
-NocturnalBatBrain
"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"
-[Reddit]
"On the other hand, a hotdog with the perfect toppings can be a real treat and imo one of the best fast food options!"
-Boomshockalocka007
"Perfectly average"
-ProbablyaDrugDealer
Cover band swag
"A short sleeve shirt over a long sleeve shirt"
-_Mceaky
"If you wore this in 2006, it meant you liked music."
-_reeses_pieces_
"Disagree, this is the most comfortable top configuration. And it looks sweet in a cover band."
-NoItsNotLiterally
This
mood GIFGiphy"This very thread."
"It's amusing, but not laugh-out-loud funny. Lots of thoughtful nodding in agreement, but no urgent need to screenshot or share it."
"A pleasant diversion."
- ISpyStrangers
Well ... that's it. That's the whole average article about average things.
Okay bye.
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Redditor xanzznax wanted to hear from all the guys who have been unceremoniously turned away because of height, so they asked:
"What is the best response to 'I don't date short guys?'"
I just like to be the shorter one. Sorry.
But... I'm the small spoon.
Nibbles
Jim Carrey Conan GIF by Team CocoGiphy"Bite her knees."
sudomatrix
"Couldn't reach, went for the ankle instead."
Weaselot_III
No Hard Feelings
"When on Tinder I wrote my height because I know women have preferences (and some dudes will ridicule the tall woman, short man relationship)."
"When I matched with taller women who also wrote their heights, I would always ask if they where ready for this kind of long distance relationship. They always responded with a laugh, and if they didn't want to date, no hard feelings, they don't owe me anything."
Dudelison
LOL
"Adding in a non self-deprecating joke is helpful because it implies you know your height & that some women have preferences but you're still confident and you haven't made it your identity. It shows you have a sense of humor which is very attractive."
"Some shorter people have an insecurity complex and this is what gets in their way of dating compared to the actual height, and when they're like this they're typically unaware that it's their personality that's doing them in but blame it on the numbers."
Liberty53000
Is what it is...
"If a woman says I don’t date short guys it’s understandable, a man might feel a bit insecure. I’m not short but I’m skinny and I’ve had many women say things about my size and I’m still a bit insecure about it. I don’t let that insecurity become a problem anymore. I’m of the mindset that I can’t control how I feel, but I can control how I react to my feelings."
jwright24153
GIF by VPROIf we could all just "Poof" away in difficult situations.
Warning
Football Yes GIF by State FarmGiphy""Hang a 'you must be this tall to ride' sign around her neck."
Umbrella_merc
Anyways
“Okay.'"
Prfsnlclckclackr
"Exactly, if that's their preference, move on."
"Ironically, I've never been 'rejected' in this way by a woman I asked out. Only women I haven't asked out. I have had women tell me they only date tall men or they couldn't date me because I'm short, but it was seemingly random. Like, I hadn't asked them out or shown interest. It's actually kind of hilarious."
StopThinkingJustPick
Cool Beans
"Short guy here, I'm 5'4, I used to get rejected by taller girls a lot, my favorite way to deal with it was just to say thanks for being honest. For some reason they would later introduce me to their friends who were maybe my height or something. A lot of them said that when you handle it like an adult its very attractive, and while they might not like short dudes, they def have a few friends who do."
buttdocs
Move On...
"Because disliking short guys, tall girls, skinny guys, fat girls etc... is at the end of the day a matter of personal preferences. No matter how much you cry, scream and sh*t yourself about how unfair it is, it won't make you attractive to that person. Just move on with your life and find someone who'll love you for who you are."
Makalockheart
Leave it...
Amy Schumer No GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I dated a guy who was like 5'6" or something (I'm 5"4'). It super wasn't a problem for me in and of itself. What was a problem was that HE kept BRINGING IT UPPPP!!!"
halej69848
Rock It!
"All you short guys out there, I always found it EXTREMELY attractive. There are plenty of women who do. So rock the shortness, someone out there is admiring the cut of your gib!"
Hobbsy1978
Be calm in who you are.
Do you have any similar experiences? We'd love to hear about them in the comments.
Redditor Glaurung1536 wanted to discuss the people we all work with, so they asked:
"Which profession attracts the worst kinds of people?"
Some jobs are the worst. So maybe it's not always the people.
Bad Influence
Schitts Creek Comedy GIF by CBCGiphy"Ok so not really a profession but… there is a certain subset of musicians who are also wannabe influencers… particular people who are very on twitter. so back-stabby and clout hungry."
curoku
The Worst
"I’m a casino dealer. People losing money brings out the worst qualities in them. Especially when I deal high limit games. Plus the pit boss/supervisors won’t throw a person out who is literally spending thousands. Doesn’t matter what they do or say. The casino doesn’t want to lose those kinds of patrons."
"They’re catered to. They can be so awful to the dealers. The job has made me look at humanity in a completely different light lol."
"Pro relationship tip: Bring a date to the casino and see how they treat the dealer if they’re losing. You’ll see what kind of person they really are. I have about 10 years of experience in the industry."
kaioina
Crazy Eyes
"Stockbrokers. I have some friends who are stockbrokers. I love them, but man, they are some bullsh*t artists. And not like, 'Oh, they're a good salesman, and could sell you anything,' No, it's like they make sh*t up as they go along and try to sound confident in what they say."
LawnGuyLand94
"I have met a couple people who were successful, lifelong stockbrokers. To be a successful, lifelong stockbroker, you actually have to like what you do. They all had crazy eyes. Each and every one."
RoofClinger
Drive On
Giphy"Tow truck drivers. At least 80% of all the tow truck drivers I've met have been felons, and about 98% have been shady d**kheads."
Blue8Delta
Tow truck drivers are definitely gruff.
Bounced
argentina deal with it GIFGiphy"Bouncers. I swear those people are always looking to create trouble so they can exercise their right to kick a**."
hatredwithpassion
"Former bouncer in my youth, and I can 100% confirm that most of the drama we were in was caused by the two biggest guys that just wanted to f**k with people and brag about it while we were having our after-shift drinks."
nifaryus
Lifeless Humans
"Paparazzi."
SuvenPan
"Absolutely lifeless humans. Audio-visual bottom feeders with a camera, searching for scraps and the next payment. Not only does their profession provide something that is arguably valueless, but the means to produce it is abominable. Predatory mannequins that need removal."
ByTheCreed
Sell. Sell. Sell.
"Pyramid scheme. Property agents."
polymathicus
"I have had a few friends that have become realtors later in life. The ones that stayed with it, it totally changed who they are. After a few years they are hardly recognizable as the same people. Vein, shallow, and 100% of the time they are in character and trying to sell."
StrayMoggie
Big Impacts
"I thought I wanted to be an architect… but then I met a bunch of architects. And architecture students. And architecture professors. And they were pretty much all A-holes. It was weird. I mean… how could it be so consistent? But there ya have it."
oferchrissake
"I used to teach in a program that often fed students into the world of architecture."
"Every semester I would orchestrate one charette where I would bring in architects to critique student work. No matter how much coaching I did (to both visiting architects and students) students would feel crushed by the feedback. There were almost always tears."
"I often hear back from students that it was the most impactful part of our work together."
Str8intothestorm
Hands Up
Super Troopers Police GIFGiphy"Law enforcement - double-edged sword, because it attracts the best and the worst."
"The best in people who want to help, protect, and do good. The WORST in people who want to exact authority over people. Power-hungry a**holes who are insecure and have short fuses and low tolerance for defiance. If you can't handle someone defying you without losing your sh*t, you shouldn't be a cop."
bluepillblues69
So many jobs full of questionable people.
Did we miss any? Let us know in the comments.
