If you ask a waiter, any waiter, to tell you their favorite or most harrowing story about serving tables you better be prepared to spare a few days and a case of your finest bourbon.
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Waiters are the witnesses to the best and absolute worst of humanity. And what people tend to ignore is that waiters are live people.
It's like seeing live theatre and not a movie. You can talk back to the screen; in theatre, the actors CAN HEAR YOU!
Waiters aren't ghosts, and what tales they have to share.
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Redditor Romantic_Amoeba asked waiters of Reddit to share their most horrendous tales, and the responses were... unbelievable.
Guess you're out of the will.
I was delivering food to a large table that looked like they were on a family reunion vacation when I overheard a grandpa asking one of the younger (12 or 13?) grandchildren if he they had fun that day. The kid responded with "F- you grandpa I can't wait until you die.". I almost dropped all the plates in shock. Alternate_Ending74
Always check with Ancestry.com first.
In a Witherspoons and there was a slight lull in the Friday night noise and a buddy and I overheard a girl say "Well technically he isn't my brother so I shagged him" to which her friend replied "But you have the same Dad". ElPapaDiablo
Sometimes it's just bloat.
I overheard a customer talking about someone "coming and being so much fun". I assumed she was pregnant because she seemed to be showing a bit. I decided mid way through the dinner to congratulate her on being pregnant. To my horror she said "I am not pregnant". I felt horrible. I told my manager who comped their meals and I hid in the back for the rest of their dinner. Push comes to shove she refused to let the manager comp her meal and left me a $20 tip with a note that said "I was kidding I'm due in July." xjman349
Oh somethings always merit a scene.
Had a guy confess to banging his SO's sister when I brought their drinks to them. It was an anniversary. I guess he thought it would be the least likely place for her to cause a scene. She caused a scene. captaincous
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Choose your words wisely!
I was bussing this table and I can hear these two guys speaking in Vietnamese to each other. One asks the other what they think about me. The guy responds and said I'm cute but I have a flat chest. Also in my defense we had to wear these oversized unisex shirts that was not flattering. But anyways, I just keep doing what I'm doing and continue on. When they came to the register to pay one asked me what nationality I was and I smiled and said I'm Vietnamese . They looked shocked; then asked me if I spoke it, which I responded I did. Then he asked me in Vietnamese if I'm understanding him right now and I responded back in viet that yes I do. They didn't say anything else and left. Stanced2JZ
#boybye.
We had a couple who would come in regularly and always asked to be seated in my coworker's section. They were probably in their 60s and were always really affectionate and cute with each other. My coworker would joke around with them all the time.
One day the man came in with a different woman than usual, and my coworker jokingly told him "ooooh, you're in trouble. I'm going to tell your wife you were here with another woman."
Woman said "Excuse me? I am his wife. Who the hell has he been coming here with?" Dead awkward silence while she death-glares at her extremely uncomfortable-looking husband. My coworker just turned around and walked away.
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Don't give up.
Older couple at Bob Evans.
"I just wish I could die already."
"I know dear." nn30
Careful what you're swallowing.
When I was a waiter, people often pretended that I wasn't there. The stories they told were crazy and personal. One woman at a table of 6 lunching ladies told the story of how her husband was recently prescribed viagra. "He took it like a vitamin - 1 pill every morning. He kept having erections at work and didn't understand why." ninja_at_law
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That never happens at Little Ceaser's!
I used to be a manager at a Pizza Hut. Big extended redneck family comes in, with parents and kids. Standard visit, and they stood up to leave when 2 of the guys started yelling at each other. Their wives/gfs got in on it and turned it up a notch by getting in a vicious slapfight. Best part? Both of the women were holding babies at the time. turnburn720
Someone call Maury.
Two top at a pretty restaurant on the lake. Married couple obviously on the rocks... the guy quite obviously wanted to stay together and she was having none of it. Hushed arguing at the table the entire meal. As I am dropping the check he asks, "what about the baby?" She replies "you don't have to worry about that.. it's not yours!" And storms off. Poor guy was weeping when I returned with the credit card slips. ColPhorbin
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Somethings are better left unsaid.
My girlfriend waits tables. One time a creepy man said to her "when I have sex with my wife, I think of you instead."
The wife sitting at the table didn't seem bothered by this fact.
I also bought my girlfriend pepper spray and a tazer soon after. coach_whackbat
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Always have an alibi.
I worked at a restaurant where you pay at the table and if you wanted a receipt, the server would go print it out and bring it back to you. I was waiting on a woman who every other server refused to deal with because she was such a hassle (she came in all the time). Complained about everything, basically made up her own menu items, etc. At the end of the meal when she was paying I asked if she needed a receipt, she said yes because she wanted proof she was here at this time in case she was accused of murder that night. Probably not the weirdest but the first one that comes to mind. kkaaalll
Nothing to see here people.
Party of 5 or 6, its a group of friends having dinner. In walks a clown. Clown starts randomly walking around the restaurant doing balloon animals for kids and shit like that. I have no idea what the fuck is going on, we didn't hire this guy. He walks over to the table of 5 or 6 and selects a man from the table to perform a magic trick for. He did the trick, a small flash of smoke and fire happens and then magically there is an engagement ring on a rope. The man takes the ring and the woman gets on her knees and asks the man to marry her. The man says no, tells her to get up and they continue dinner. This table now has the attention of the entire restaurant (like 300-400 people on our busiest night). Everybody just turned away and started awkwardly eating like nothing happened. did_it_right
When nature calls... you answer.
I heard a little girl say "excuse me," as soon as I got to the table. I thought she was going to ask a question so I said "yes ma'am?" and she said "Oh nothing I just farted." bigwilly311
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This ain't pretty woman.
Worked at an airport and I was cleaning the tables while I overheard a man and his high class prostitute he had flown In, talk about terms and conditions as well as ordinary things. Apparently It was the first time he'd done It and he was nervous his wife would somehow find out. They discussed do's and don'ts and well you get the Idea. But In all honesty the bloke seemed like a shy guy, didn't look bad, and the hooker was exemplary In the way she treated him. And the money she earned was more than my monthly salary. [deleted]
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You be you.
I love this!
"I'm gay!"
"No crap, you getting the sampler or what" Xyranthis
Making it rain.
Heard a group of 3 women talking about how each of their 4th/5th/ whatever many marriages are going and how they treat marrying for money as their career.
One of them paid with their newest husband's black AMEX card. MistaFANG
Always get a second and THIRD opinion.
I was taking a private party of hospital execs who were talking about the false DNR problem they were having. Paperwork somehow got switched and people who had signed DNRs were revived while healthy patients were allowed to code and die. hikerfag
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Once more for old times sake.
Bartender here and while I have heard just about everything my favorite has to be when these two adorable 80ish year old men walked in one night. They spent two hours at the bar planing out what I thought was a simple camping trip. As the night went on I figured out they were planing one last acid trip in the woods for old times sake. Still to this day they are the coolest people I have ever served and that includes eric andre. Chodysmallz
H/T : Reddit, Romantic_Amoeba
Redditor imboredaa wanted to discuss all the ways so many of us get lost watching things on the internet, so they asked:
"What are some of the craziest/strangest rabbit holes you’ve ever been down?"
I constantly get lost on talent show audition rabbit holes.
And I am proud!
Restored
Serial Killer Chainsaw GIF by Rise RecordsGiphy"YouTube videos of old chainsaw restorations. No idea why, but I guess that’s why it’s a rabbit hole. I don’t even own a chainsaw or have a need for one."
aretelio
'rooms/shared'
"I really enjoy going on a city’s Craigslist, then to 'rooms/shared' (or whatever it is for finding a room mate) and then typing words like 'warning' or 'beware' in the search to see what kind of horror show nightmare room mate scenarios people have decided to write about... it's usually some juicy headline like 'warning!!!'"
"Do NOT rent from this woman!!!! She is a PSYCHO!!….'"
"And after reading it, it’s always a guess to decide who is the actual crazy person, the landlord or tenant. Could be a bitter ex, tenant, or a scam, or whatever. But it’s an easy way to dive quick into some weird corners of the internet that are filled with drama."
After the Ice
"I spent a bunch of time about 12 years or so ago reading about all the details of the Titanic, how it sunk, what happened as it was sinking, who died, who survived. I got into the life stories of the people who died, and what became of the people who survived. And then I very nearly bought a piece of carpet from the Titanic."
SweetCosmicPope
Expeditions
"Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition"
"Dumb, then numb, a** thought he could fly a balloon to the North Pole. They had cyanide capsules and all, in case they crashed and were about to freeze to death. Or get eaten by a polar bear during a three month night. He and his assistants somehow managed to do both."
"Plot twist: Andree, the worst captain of all time, noticed the balloon was leaking the night before they were about to leave, pumped it up a bit, and said 'f**k it that'll do.' It did not do."
Needydadthrowaway
Thanks John
"An Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Started with 1 and ended up with a 20+ collection."
originalsanitizer
"Uncle John's Bathroom Readers are so addictive."
evanman69
Toilet time can be knowledge time.
Living Sky High
City In The Sky Vfx GIF by PBSGiphy"Turning old planes into houses! About 10 years ago I found a company that would do it for you. The wings were decks and the plane was mounted to a pedestal that allowed it to be rotate with the sun!"
BeeEyeAm
Doggerland
"Mega tsunamis. Thousand foot walls of water moving at hundreds of mph? It happens more than you would think. The Azore-Gibraltar fault will cause one one day. There evidence they happened a few times in the Pacific. It doesn't take a meteor to happen, it could be an underwater landslide (Doggerland), or a large section of a volcanic island shearing off and falling into the ocean (Oahu). Doggerland is another rabbit hole that is worth googling."
KD_Burner_Account133
Hitting the Keys
"Mechanical keyboards. I wanted to buy one, so I started researching and watching videos of reviews. I went deeper and deeper, seeing special cables, obscure companies, the tons of switches, etc etc."
"I stopped when a Youtuber I watched made a video asking her viewers and discord users to stop bullying and harassing her for using some kind of switches or keycaps. I bought my keyboard and never went back to that crazy fandom."
NirvanaForce
In the Sky
"I worked in administration at an aviation academy for a few years and decided I’d start listening to aviation podcasts since I didn’t know much about it. I came across a plane crash podcast that talks about crashes in history and how it improved the safety of flying."
"I was fascinated by it, and found myself gradually needing to know more and listening to more of the same type of podcasts, watching videos, and listening to black box recordings. It was eerie but interesting at the time. Now, I regret it tremendously because since then I’ve developed horrible anxiety when flying."
contagiousphrase
The Big Questions
steve harvey lol GIF by TV Land ClassicGiphy"Spent a lot of time in the 'quantum consciousness' rabbit hole. I had just deconstructed from religion and wanted answers about life, death, and reality. It was long before I made peace with not knowing. I spent around a year obsessed with quantum experiments, psychedelics, and the general philosophy of consciousness."
excusetheblood
Lives (and chores) can be put on serious hold when you find a juicy enough topic to research!
Well, what rabbit holes have you gotten lost in? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Who_Did_You_Expect1 wanted to hear about the things from our memories that still haunt our nightmares, so they asked:
"What's the most f--ked up thing you saw that still haunts you to this day?"
Living through peril is unimaginable. I've been luckier than most.
Tragic
Sad Best Friends GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy"I watched cancer kill my baby brother. He was in grade school when I was in college. 25 years, and I still see it in my dreams."
TheDigitalRanger
Ay Dios mio, Dios mio!
"When I was about 8, my sister and I were walking with my mom to a bus stop to see my grandma in Mexico city. There was a lady on a bike crossing the intersection that we had just crossed ourselves but she didn't stop in time to the next one and didn't look both ways, she didn't have time to stop her bike. All I remember is the lady making the beginning of a scream as a white old muscle car ran over her (bike and all) at a high speed."
" remember the sound it made as it broke everywhere. My mother took her sweater off as she screamed and covered both my sister's and my head from looking, but it was too late. I remember looking at my sister with tears in her eyes, and I was too shocked to react or comprehend what I had just seen happened. A lot of people immediately surrounded the place, and the driver came out of his car and held his head with his hands after seeing the lady on the pavement."
"I didn't look at the lady anymore. I remember hearing people screaming in shock. My mother told my dad later as she cried. I remember hearing her wake up screaming for weeks after this saying: ay Dios mio, Dios mio! Still makes my heart race when I think about it."
amahied
I Quit
"I was a news photographer for a while in the 90’s. I got called out to an accident. A high school girl ran into the back of a semi. As I was shooting, I noticed her wallet was on the ground. It had a plastic picture holder and the wind was flipping back and forth. I saw her prom pictures and shots of her with her family."
"I quit being a news photographer shortly after. I never forgot that day, and it still haunts me."
No_Confusion4720
Images
"I saw the aftermath rather than the actual event. A woman was walking home from the grocery store late at night. She crossed the road without using the crosswalks and got hit by an SUV. The two images cemented in my mind are of her, embedded in the windshield, and the driver of the car standing a little ways down the street vomiting. I've never seen someone look so utterly broken as the way the driver looked. I can't imagine what he was going through."
GrowlyBear2
Everyday
Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy"When I was 16 I was in a car wreck with my best friend since 3rd grade. I pulled him from the car with a broken shoulder while he was bloody, lifeless, limp. He died within the hour, not long after the ambulance got us. It’s been 18 years and I still think about it every single day."
oil_can_guster
I couldn't imagine living with that.
I also couldn't move...
"Coming to after getting hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian. Was face down, all I could see was blood soaked road and thought 'f**k, that doesn't look good.' I also couldn't move. The last thing I remember seeing before that was the grill of the vehicle. I still get jumpy when I catch a vehicles grill out of the corner of my eye and I'm not expecting it to be there."
"I'd seen a lot of accidents prior to that, but something about it being my own blood hit different."
"And yes, I had the right of way and was crossing in the proper place, at the proper time. Driver plain a** wasn't paying attention. It was daylight to boot, so no reason they couldn't see me."
Sweet_Force1478
Bad Dreams
"I was volunteering with my k9 working with NYC emergency services and chief Patell during 911 WTC attacks. We were in the middle of where the twin towers used to stand The thick gray dust, horrible smell of burnt things and dead people was all around but when the dogs started to find bodies and body parts it really freaked me out and I will forever live with this reality that seems like a bad dream."
DjCanicus
Missing
Confused Wile E Coyote GIF by Looney TunesGiphy"A family of four that had burned in a plane crash. I used to do a woodland search and rescue, and we saw a lot of wild crap, but I still have dreams about what I saw when we went to look for a missing plane."
JalenTargaryen
Goodness life is dark sometimes.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
