All work and no play can make any job unbearable.
While working in a grooming salon, we were technically not allowed to be affectionate with the canine clients that came in. The rules never stopped my coworkers and I from cuddling and kissing all of the cute pups though!
Reddit users were honest about times they were less than professional, and had some great answers for u/ineedanswersss15's question... "What's the most unprofessional thing you've done at work?"
20. A wholesome game
"I used to work the night (6.30 till 9.30pm) shift at an adult school while I was at uni. It was mostly just so people could learn basic French, Spanish, art etc. Me and the other guy working there had very little to do other than ensure classes ran smoothly, teachers received and returned registers and the like.
When we got bored of the internet, and it was before smartphones were everywhere, so we started developing increasingly elaborate treasure hunts for the next days staff to uncover. We started building in dead ends where obvious,but wrong, solutions would take you down 3 more clues to be told you'd messed up.
Before I left I got told by my manager that me and my colleague were to be written up for it at the area managers request (they'd turned up mid-hunt one day) but my manager enjoyed them too much so had held off.
We made one last huge hunt on my last night that took them the whole next day to crack."
19. This superhero wannabe
"I worked at Walmart and it was the most boring experience of my life. One day, they let me be the greeter. You know the guy who greets people who come in. Anyways, the janitor leaves his broom. So I pick it up and start swinging it around pretending I'm Robin. People are just watching me do kicks and fighting the air and then my manager comes and loses her mind on me. That surprisingly was not the day I was fired."
18. This employee did a lot in two years
"Pretty much the entirety of my 2 year stint on 3rd shift at a convenience store.
- Played homerun derby in-store with a plunger and a tinfoil ball
- Played floor hockey with a pair of brooms and another tinfoil ball
- Had a wrestling match in-store
- Played "Creamer Basketball", which was more of a free-throw contest
- Constantly gave away free food and drinks
- Numerous pranks on the store manager
Despite all of that, I was the store manager's favorite employee."
17. Close this venue down!
Giphy
"this happened a year ago in the restaurant i was working for.
our boss asked us to cook a good $200 worth of meat and brown sauce in a big pot. When our boss tried to take the pot out of the oven the whole thing fell on the ground (cooked meat and brown sauce everywgere). he then asked us to put water on the meat to "clean it". we kept the meat but made new brown sauce.
the meat was then used for a wedding"
15. Sorry, Steve
"Stabbed a customer by accident one time.
Went to hand him a cheap snap off razor blade, poked him in the hand, drew blood. Er, sorry about that Steve."
14. Some last day heroics
"Tackled a thief who stole a couple bottles of vodka. They landed on the ground with the bottles in their shirt and had both smash all over, covering them in vodka. No injuries luckily! It was also my last day there and I was sick of theft, and took my frustration out while I had the chance."
13. Better than getting angry in front of your boss
"There have been times when I walked into the walk in cooler, pretending to get something or that I was going to get a sip of my drink but really I went in there so I could silently cuss out the boss or give her the finger without her seeing it."
12. I think this worldwide coffee chain can afford a spoon or two
"I work at a coffeehouse of a worldwide chain and sometimes when I'm done doing the dishes and notice there is one last spoon left but I already started the dishwasher, I just throw it away :T I'm not allowed to wash it from hand and I'm not gonna run another whole machine just for one spoon!"
11. IT had a "Hissi" fit
"I worked as tech support, we had a lot of downtime between emails and let's just say I was the reason neopets.com got blocked by our IT department"
10. This on the clock Tolkien fan
"When I worked at Walmart like 15 years ago I managed to read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on the clock. I was kind of proud of that."
9. I think the pigeon won that battle
"Worked in a burrito store for summer uni funds. Pigeons try steal food leftovers outside, ended up being attacked by one and in panicked response unceremoniously grabbed it and threw it into a nearby table. Customers seemed more confused and amused than anything."
8. A great job for football fans
"I did a short stint over christmas break at a Macys. If you could somehow wind up in the security room during a football game they would have the game on the radio and the camera in the menswear department zoomed in on the TV there that was showing the game. Was a good time."
7. The smooching nurse
Giphy
"When I worked at a long term care facility in nursing school I used to kiss my residents goodnight and tell them that I loved them, and meant it. As a nurse in a more acute hospital setting I would never kiss a patient good night, but long term care is a different world."
6. This person wouldn't let food be wasted
"In high school I was a busboy at Outback Steakhouse. Lunch was around 12:00, school was released at 2:30, track practice was over by 5, work at 6:00-10:30 ish.
As you can imagine I was starving every time I worked. Cleaning up after people who had left food on the table would be torture. Sometimes it would be too much for me and I'd eat someone else's to go box or something.
I remember one night an entire macaroni and cheese was left in the bowl and it looked so good. So I snuck it into the bathroom, as not to be seen, and devoured the entire bowl. I didn't get caught, luckily. It was too real."
5. That's just nasty
"I took a dump in the toilets, I didn't flush because I wanted my colleagues to smell my poop and blame each other."
4. Stand up to bullies, even when they're customers
"I worked my second real day at a retail job when I was in my early 20s, was at the cash register one day. Dealt with an irate customer who decided to throw coins at the counter so I had to pick them up off the floor. I asked her to stop, she continued and called me a name at which point I threw all of their merchandise on the ground from the counter, walked out. Never came back, even to pick up what little money I had earned of a paycheck. Just left the awful customer, the counter and the store to handle itself."
3. They need to install bathrooms ASAP
"I had to piss in a sink because we don't have bathrooms in my building and the nearest one that does is 100 yards away... I work in a clean room so it takes a lot of time to get in and out of my suit properly and by the time I was out I couldn't hold it so I went to the sink in the changing room. I have kidney issues so it always seems like the urgency goes from 0 to 100 real quick.
The building is older than most modern building codes so its grandfathered in and doesn't have to have a toilet. It has been humiliating even though I'm usually the only one around."
2. Cool contest though
"I (very briefly and with as dry a tongue as I could get) licked one of the rare books from the 1500s or 1600s I was digitizing so I could compete with my boyfriend for that Who's licked the oldest thing game."
1. I'll imagine workers doing this whenever I watch political events
Giphy
"My boss is a high profile politician. Sometimes when I have to be at events (think bodyguards everywhere, news cameras etc) I'm just standing there on my phone playing Japanese dating simulations.
He doesn't pay me enough to care."
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
Want to "know" more?
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.