Look, people are dummies.
Now the internet can't be held completely responsible. It's easy to be misunderstood in 280 characters or a missed typo in your Facebook post, but sometimes the evidence is so overwhelmingly obvious the person you've been talking to is a big, ol' dum-dum.
Most of the times this happens in retail.
Reddit user, u/bost724, wanted to know:
What was your "This person is on another level of stupid" moment?
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE
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I used to work with a girl who was sweet but so dumb. We were in a meeting once and somehow someone mentioned baked ham. My manager said "Ugh I hate ham. It looks like human flesh."
The girl I mentioned was sitting next to me and looked horrified and whispered "Does ham really come from people?"
When Your Motivational Math Is Off
My husband overheard this conversation by his two coworkers that sat next to him one day.
Woman #1 - I just feel like a complete loser. A total zero.
Woman #2 - Honey! I don't ever want you to feel like a zero. I want you to take that zero and I want you to times it by a million! Can you do that for me!!?
Woman #1 - yeah! I can do that. Thanks!
Took everything in my husband to keep a straight face.
I Guess If You've Only Ever Heard The Word...
Went to a Catholic high school. In our morality class, we had to give presentations on different controversial topics like abortion, etc. Our teacher told us about one group of students she had a few years prior whose topic they were assigned was "euthanasia." They ended up giving an entire presentation on "youth in Asia."
(They didn't do it as a joke either - they genuinely thought that was the topic).
One Deity To Rule Them All
I am Lebanese and I know Arabic. Some people ask if I believe in God or Allah. I always pause thinking of a way to respond seeing as they are the same.
Allah just means god in [Arabic.]
The Jumps You Would Have To Make To Get To That Question...
Went to a high school that had a lot of kids that grew up on farms. As a fundraiser the Future Farmers of America club was having a Rocky Mountain oyster bake. One girl asked what that was and we told her cow testicles.
She then proceeded to ask how did those cows get in the ocean though.
You Know That's What A Website Is For, Right?
I had a boss who asked me to print out our company website so she could read it.
Retail Truly Reveals The Worst Of Humanity
This was my first experience in retail where I learned what many customers would be like.
Seasons were changing, so we put a lot of shirts we had to get rid of in the front and made them 50% off. I was working the register when a woman came up to buy her things. I rang her up and could see a look on her face like something was wrong. That's when the following happened.
Lady: "Why is this so much."
Me: "Pardon me?"
Lady: "This should only be $10 not $20."
I thought that maybe her item was on sale, so I asked if she could point out the sign because I wasn't aware of it. It was a small store and we didn't have to walk anywhere.
Lady: "This sign here."
Me: "This sign says that all shirts are 50% off."
Lady: "Yes, so why is this full price."
Me: "This is a hat."
When The Advertising Is Almost TOO Good
I was friends with with a guy who believed those fake apple adverts like "Apple Wave - Microwave your phone for instant battery charge" I was so dumbfounded that he actually fell for it. When I saw him the week after and he had a new phone it all clicked for me
The Air Doesn't Travel DOWN, Stupid.
Rescued a coworker on the side of the road with a flat tire, waiting for the tow truck, I pointed out the nail at the top of their tire. They scoffed and looked at me like I was the stupidest person in the world and exclaimed
that's not true bc it's flat at the bottom
I just walked away and never brought it up again
C'mon, Cousin It, Think About It For One Second...
I had to explain to a girl why you couldnt grow your hair down in front of your face and just cut out eye holes. Even explaining it her she couldnt grasp it and brushed me off as being "too smart."
Wait For It...
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I worked at a pet store in college. This customer asked me which food would make his pit bull "swole." I suggested a high protein food with a good amount of exercise but advised that a lot of it was determined by the dog's genetics.
He asked me if we sold genetics.
If We Burn Down All The Rainforests...
We were in a class in middle school talking about rainforests and ways to prevent fires. One student said we should cut down the entire rainforest to stop fires from spreading and he 100% believed it was a good idea.
That, Uh, Ah, No...
I've heard several people asking: How many Alaskan dollars is a US dollar worth?
Let's Count All Our Body Parts, Shall We?
I worked at a restaurant and we had a dish that was just a whole grilled chicken, chopped into pieces. A woman who ordered for delivery called us, absolutely scathing, complaining that her order of one whole chicken only contained TWO chicken breasts. Had to explain to grown a-- woman that chicken only have two breasts.
Edit: To clarify, the rest of the chicken was also there. She was just expecting more than two chicken breasts. She stated this clearly to both me and my manager, who she insisted she speak to over this inconvenience.
Do You Need To Look Up What Cancelled Means?
Ex flatmate cancelled the gas and electricity contract because it was too expensive. Wondered why we had no more electricity nor gas.
She thought we paid 90€ a month to get a hotline 24/7 in case of problem.
They Must Be-Oh, They Weren't?
I got a concussion a while back. A friend of mine told me not to come close because it might be contagious.
They weren't kidding.
Ketchup. Catsup. Ketchup. Catsup.
I once worked in a midwestern grocery store deli and I was trying to explain to a woman that the name brand and generic brand of the macaroni salad that we carried were in fact identical. The woman yelled at me saying she could only have the generic brand because "one is made with mayo and the other is made with mayonnaise and I don't like mayo". When I tried to explain that mayo is an abbreviation of mayonnaise, she just said "I'm from the south, I know my food" and tutted away.
You Might Have Made A Stupid Move, But They Sound Just Plain DUMB
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I locked my purse with my keys and cell phone in my apartment. I went to the office to ask maintenance to let me in. The woman at the desk said she would call maintenance and asked for a phone number they could reach me at. I said there wasn't one because my cell phone was locked in my apartment. She insisted she needed a number. I said I could give her the number but that I wouldn't be able to answer if they called. She suggested I get my phone out of my apartment so that I could answer when they called. I rolled my eyes at her and said if I could get in my apartment to get my cell phone I wouldn't need maintenance to let me in. She never did understand me. But maintenance did show up ten minutes later.
Update - since a lot of people are asking... You don't need a key to lock the door to the apartment, just to unlock it. On the way out the door, I turned the lock on the back of the doorknob and then pulled the door shut, locking the door. I had put my keys in my purse because I was also carrying a laptop bag and a few other things. I thought I picked up my purse with the other bags but I hadn't.
Yes, I know I was stupid for locking myself out.
A Truly Stupid, Heinous Act
Just now, about 30 minutes ago I learned that people in my workplace (it's a ND Paper Mill in Maine,) -are taking extras of the face masks that are provided by the company. -They aren't wearing them or using them, or even taking them for their families, they're taking them and throwing them out, on the grounds that if they get rid of them faster, then they won't have to wear them for as long.
That's right, while first responders and healthcare workers are dying, sometimes because they can't get the appropriate supplies, these a--holes are just taking face masks and throwing them out. It even got to the point, where a few employees rushed the temperature taking room, stole as many whole boxes of masks that they could carry, (50 masks per box,) and made a point of dumping them in the trash, in front of the person taking temperatures that day.
Because obviously we would never be able to....I don't know, order more?
I'm really disgusted by this. Aside from the blatant waste of resources, the bull-headed, close-minded idiocy is just unnecessary.
These are the same people who complain when the person taking temperatures takes off their face mask when there's no-one seeking access to the mill. Literally heard one of these people say that it wasn't right that the temperature taking person wasn't keeping the mill people safe.
I just really want to stress that these actions don't represent ALL of the employees at the mill, quite a lot of them are willingly/gladly in compliance with the face mask policy, it's just a select group of really special idiots being disrespectful and childish.
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The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
