You do what you can to help someone.
That's the job of many therapists, hoping to held lead their patient down the path of self-help and rehabilitation. No matter what difficulties arise, you stay the course, helping them find the answers and providing possible solutions they need.
Sometimes, however, that path gets cut short when the therapist realizes their patient is beyond help. What can you do when there's literally nothing to do?
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
"Therapists of Reddit, What was the moment you realized your client couldn't be helped?"
Maybe there's a bit of self-realization, the moment you notice your therapist has decided to no longer see you.
"My therapist had to let me go because my insurance decided my mental health wasn't worth paying for and I couldn't afford her rate. I miss her sometimes she was my first therapist and I enjoyed talking with her."
"When I was 12 I saw a therapist with my Mother in the room. This 70 year old therapist started the session with basic questions. One question was, “what is a similarity between and peach and a pear?” My response, “they both start with P. He said he had never heard that answer and that nearly everyone says they’re both fruit. Then he ended the session and dropped me"
Obviously, Go To One Who Works For You Within Your Budget
"My last therapist decided that if I can't come in twice a week, due to financial reasons, that she stopped letting me schedule appointments."
Always Be Aware When You're Not Getting What You Need
"For the most part, I've had the opposite as a client. Where the therapist sessions become mundane and unhelpful but the therapist doesn't let go - the client (me in this case) ends the relationship. It makes sense. It's that whole it's easier to keep an existing customer than recruit new ones. Sometimes the relationship just isn't working but I've never had the therapist recognise that they're not helping me. Whether it's genuine ignorance on their part or not is of course my own speculation but that point about customer acquisition does stick with me."
You can't help someone unless they want to help themselves. Any self-help professional will tell you that, and live by that, as evidenced by some of these dropped cases where it was apparent no desire for improvement was to be found.
It's Not The Kids Fault
"When the child is younger than 8-9 yrs old and the parents want me to only work with the kid to change the kid’s behavior. Ain’t gonna happen. You change the environment and parenting and THEN you see changes in the kid’s behavior."
"Edit: point of clarification. I AM NOT saying it is the parents’ fault or that they are the cause. I AM saying that to work with kids who are young, you need to change the parenting and environment."
"Examples: Autism and ADHD, not caused by the parents, but effective therapy requires changes to the environment, increases in prompts, forewarning, cues, help with regulating emotional and sensory responses. After the brain matures some, kids can better take perspective and think socially with help, a little later they can better plan ahead for contingencies, though the frontal lobes won’t fully mature until a much later point In development than that which I was referring."
Perfect Example, Right There
"One month in with this couple, a wife had just spent 5 minutes explaining the impact of her husband's language on her, and how devalued, disregarded, and unimportant she felt in the relationship. His response to her was to, verbatim, use the exact language she had just described to respond to her. She collapsed into sobs, and he sat back, sighed, rolled his eyes, and gestured vaguely to her, as if I would agree that she's the problem. I told him exactly the opposite. He stormed out. She went to the lawyer I recommended and cleaned him out. Full custody too. It was truly a happy ending."
Their Heart Isn't In To It
"The moment I realize they don't want to be helped. It is usually with the cases that are bullied into therapy by loved ones. Of course, most of them at least become curious of the process and start being a part of it, but there are the few that just won't stop resisting no matter how many sessions."
So Far Gone They Can Never Come Back
"I am a therapist for sex offenders. One particular client was a drug user, but thus far it did not seem to interfere with the therapy (it was in no way related to his criminal acts). Until one day he showed up for his appointment completely high on hard drugs, he had already been awake for 48+ hours. Turned out his drug abuse was way way way worse then he'd make it seem. He also severely damaged his penis while high (he told us) . We immediately referred him to a rehab and never heard from him since."
"I usually can tell in the first two-three sessions. Mostly narcissistic individuals who are brought to treatment by their SO or a relative desperately hoping for change. It never works."
Help They're Unable To Provide
"I'm a therapist for individuals with severe and persistent mental illness, as part of a team that does a lot of mobile and intensive services. As a result I've worked with a lot of people for years that I've realized I can't really help much with my skill set."
"Most commonly this is folks who are elderly and start experiencing a lot of cognitive decline. I eventually really don't do much beyond giving them some socialization and more case management to get them appropriate services. Therapeutically I'm not doing much to help them. Eventually they go to a nursing home with a dementia unit and I never see them again."
"The other scenario is when someone is actively invested against therapy (e.g. court mandated, when legal guardians are forcing therapy, or when payee services refuse to contact their clients except through us, county forces clients on us). In those cases I try to build common ground, develop as much rapport as possible, meet them where they're at, and be as radically open as I can. Unfortunately in some cases there's just so much grievances between us to be able to help them, which doesn't help when it's mandatory and insurance won't allow a switch (yay managed care . . . ). It's not so much that they can't be helped - it's just I or my team can't help them because of all these environmental factors interfering."
"I've dealt with a lot of serious cases (significant psychosis and/or personality disorders, etc.) and I don't think I've ever met anyone that I've felt was truly beyond any sort of help from anybody. Just a lot of cases of I'm not the right person in the right environment."
Then there's these, sad tales of therapists who realized their patient was far beyond their help, and perhaps far beyond anyone's help.
Not Understanding The Treatment
"my client told me that despite the promise from her psychiatrist that trying an anti-anxiety prescription might help ease the symptoms of her complex PTSD, it would only be treating a symptom and not the cause of the anxiety. I wish she had been able to understand that in order to move forward she would’ve needed to get out of her “fight or flight” mode, which was why finding the right anti-anxiety prescription was a good start."
"edit for clarity: the anxiety was fueled by her fear of an abusive ex"
Putting Them In The Right Place With The Wrong Head Space
"I’ve been a youth mental health therapist for 7 years, and I’ve not had that issue yet in mental health work. And honestly I don’t think I ever will"
"But previously I did family therapy and general social work, and had a client that had a drug problem, he was homeless and I did everything in my power to help him get work and shelter. He would always quit after 2-3 days citing that he couldn’t get along with the boss. And he would consistently lie about health problems or call me in the middle of the night to try to get money, or for me to sign off financial aid to him (I already got him monthly financial support prior - it was just going to more drugs)"
"Finally I managed to get him a place in a halfway house - the workers were kind, the other guys living there seemed really easygoing. It came with immediate employment and a place to stay for a year, and he’d be coming out with enough money to get by for awhile."
"He quit after a month…"
"It’s been years since then, and from what I know, he’s still in the system"
No, It's Not That Kind Of Relationship
"He kept hitting on me. I had brought it up for reflection in context of his functioning and history. Lots of attempts to deepen insight and hold a boundary. At some point the boundary needed to get bigger . So I ended our therapeutic relationship.
Worldwide Pandemic Can Do That To People
"They had an advanced extreme case of antisocial personality disorder, too agitated, too aggressive, with substance abuse. After months in therapy at a hospital, there was no progress whatsoever and nothing to be done, their family didn’t want them, neither did the police, nor the hospital and after setting their bed on fire and harming the other patients, i was just too scared to work with them so i closed the file and spoke to the doctor to find another solution. Sadly covid happened and they had to lay off a huge majority of the staff in the hospital, since i was still new, i was let go. I still don’t know what happened with the patient."
"When she committed suicide."
"It might sound harsh, but she was one of my very first patients as a doctor. Had several sessions with her together with colleagues. She was a very nice person."
"She will be forever stuck in my mind."
A very sobering read.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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I tend to avoid public bathrooms if I can help it. They are terrible places. Few are clean and I admit I am a bit of a clean freak. My beautiful bottom will not grace a dirty toilet seat, no thank you. I have standards.
I'm being only sort of serious. I've been in a pinch before. But have you ever seen a gas station bathroom that was utterly destroyed by the patron (or patrons) before you? It's a horrible sight. 0/10: Do not recommend.
Naturally, some crazy things happen in your local public restroom. We heard some stories after Redditor RuffNBoy asked the online community,
"What is the wackiest thing you've seen in a public restroom?"
"At the theater I work at..."
"At the theater I work at I was cleaning the mens restroom and in one of the stalls was an open condom wrapper, a tiny empty bottle of the nacho cheddar seasoning we sell, and the seasoning scattered near the corner on the floor. Bethesda wishes they had environmental storytelling like that."
Do I really want to know what went on there? I honestly don't think so.
"I used to be..."
"I used to be a hotel maid. Cleaning one room I found two things in the bathroom garbage can: a used condom and a whole pickle."
"I was taking a dump..."
"I was taking a dump at a movie theater and a little kid climbed under the stall and grabbed my foot. I screamed and kicked that kid so hard right in the face just out of sheer instinct. He cried. His dad said, "That's what you get Gavin."
Gavin is at it again and this time he faced some consequences.
"I walked in..."
"I walked in and my eyes were immediately assaulted by a fully naked man running a stick of deodorant up and down his crack."
Wow... what a terrible day to be able to read.
"Not only did this bathroom..."
"Gas station bathroom in the middle of nowhere. Not only did this bathroom have a bathtub (?) but there was a fully dressed and made up mannequin in the tub. Very jarring."
This sounds surreal... and honestly rather creepy.
"I once stopped..."
"I once stopped at a gas station on a road trip and the bathroom was full of dolls…. Staring with their little painted eyes…."
Their creepy and unsettling eyes!
"Two people were having sex in the handicapped stall. I was seven."
So something tells me you learned about the birds and the bees rather early.
"A clogged urinal..."
"A clogged urinal filled to the brim, with an anaconda sized turd spiral floating in it, in hypnotic circles. How a turd that size could be buoyant I have no idea."
This is quite the sentence. I don't think I needed it in my eyeballs, but it's too late now.
"I was in a Berlin dive bar..."
"Olives. I was in a Berlin dive bar with some friends. In the bathroom, there was a vending machine, stocked with tinned tapas. So I came back from the bathroom with a can of olives. When asked where I got them I just replied "bathroom.""
This is simultaneously hilarious and horrifying. I can only imagine the looks on your friends' faces...
Okay, so now you understand why I can't abide public restrooms. If you're smart, you'll run for the hills the next time you're in the proximity of one. Things can only go downhill from there. (Am I being serious? Maybe... maybe not.)
Have some stories of your own to share? Tell us more in the comments below!
One should never be fooled by a first impression.
Certain people might behave in a way that is less than indicative of what they are actually like, and might prove to be far more impressive, or much less friendly, once you get to know them a little better.
However, sometimes people will behave in a certain way which leaves one unable to avoid making assumptions about people.
Namely, their intelligence.
Redditor sparklingshanaya was curious to hear what behavioral traits the Reddit community took as a sign of possessing a considerable lack of intelligence, leading them to ask:
"What are some behaviors that scream unintelligence?"
An unwillingness to learn
"I feel like the classic example is being unable to change your opinion or idea when you are presented with new information."
"You don’t have to set everything you believe in stone."- Rusty_of_Shackleford
"I think a key thing that separates the intelligent from the less intelligent is curiosity and how far you actually go to learn."- TuxedoWolf07
When even they don't know what they're talking about.
"Maybe not unintelligence but ignorance."
"People getting angry when I ask them to explain what they just meant as I want to understand them and not misunderstand."- smokinstuff·
"Getting angry when someone ask them to explain their point."- SuvenPanWorking Julie Andrews GIFGiphy
It's never attractive to gloat
"Obsessively telling everybody how intelligent you are."- terribleUsername18
It's ok to admit defeat every now and then...
"Playing 'last word' in an argument you've lost."- LennonMcCartney65
"Being defensive when corrected instead of just accepting it."- Marthstewart123
"Claiming they are always right but not being able to argument why or have a serious debate about it."- GReatChinookDrop The Mic GIF by In Real LifeGiphy
Are you sure about that?
"Constantly saying 'facts' that are extremely false."
"Gets on my nerves."- Sharkifish
Read the instructions!!!
"I just started driving for UberXL."
"The amount of people who think they can fit 8 people with all their luggage into a midsize SUV is astonishing."
"You can see which car comes to pick you up and it says fits 5 people."
"If you have a piece of luggage each then it's more like 3 people."
"I had one group sit there and stare me down like they didn't understand."
"I swear some people just have a mental limit for figuring things out and they all find each other and never get anywhere."- predict_irrational
One should always reserve judgment, as one never knows for sure what lurks beneath the surface.
Even if more often and not, you are left with little to nothing which encourages you to see what's there.
One of my favorite horror films ever is Black Christmas (1974). It's the perfect slasher film. It's scary. It's uncompromising. It's sordid. It's eerie. It leaves you with a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. It features some great acting, too! There are some powerhouse talents in it, including Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, and Andrea Martin.
But did you know that the film has been remade? It's been remade twice, as a matter of fact. The first remake, which was released in 2006, was so ridiculous. Not even Martin, who showed up in a glorified cameo in the role of a sorority house mother, could save it.
It was remade again in 2019 — this one bore few similarities to the films that came before it. One wondered why this one even had the same name, but there you have it.
Suffice it to say that the original Black Christmas is untouchable. But it is not the only film out there that should never have been remade. Far from it.
People shared their thoughts with us after Redditor CrescendoX asked the online community,
"What movie is so perfect that if it would remade, it would be a crime against humanity?"
"Misery. I could totally see a remake of Misery that used the way social media creates parasocial relationships so prevalently."
But let's not. I mean, who could ever replace Kathy Bates? She won an Oscar for the role!
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
"Who Framed Roger Rabbit."
I've seen the animation they've done for some of these new "live action meets cartoons" things.. The work the art/animation team put into Who Framed Roger Rabbit is STILL to this day putting them to shame."
A good choice. It was a pretty groundbreaking film and it's still influencing filmmakers to this day. That cast!
"It would be impossible to remake that perfect movie. The cast, story, and practical effects are wonderful. A remake would be full of CGI and a BS script."
Don't you dare suggest this! Don't you dare give those horrible Hollywood execs any ideas!
"Spaceballs. I don't want any other version."
But think about the merchandising!
Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
"Jaws. I read somewhere that Spielberg won't let it be remade."
If someone did someday remake it, I would highly suggest they remove a lot of the unnecessary subplots that are in the book!
Did we really need that affair?
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
"The Silence of the Lambs. Remakes should only be attempted when you are sure that it can outclass the original but Silence of the Lambs cannot be outclassed."
Two Oscar-winning performances. It doesn't get any better than Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster. The film is a masterclass — the Criterion edition is especially beautiful.
Stand by Me (1986)
"Stand by Me. It would be an insult to River Phoenix and many others to remake that."
This film is so highly regarded that a remake just seems foolish. Why even bother attempting one? Go and read the novella instead.
Back to the Future (1985)
"Back to the Future. Please please please PLEASE don't ruin it with a remake."
As long as Robert Zemeckis doesn't kick the bucket we're safe!
Uncle Buck (1989)
"Uncle Buck. Don't you dare touch it."
Without John Candy that would be like trying to remake the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in a Denny's with only ketchup and mustard. Just a tragic, ill-conceived imitation.
My Cousin Vinny (1992)
"My Cousin Vinny. Joe Pesci's performance is perfect."
Hey, don't forget Marisa Tomei! She stole the show. And she won an Oscar for the role!
The list of movies that should not be touched is endless and you no doubt have your opinions.
Which movies should be left the hell alone? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Sex talk is still considered a taboo subject in many households. And I don't mean going into detail about your bedroom conquests at the dinner table.
Overprotective parents tend to be evasive about discussing the birds and the bees with their kids because they feel it's not up to them to have that conversation.
Remember Carrie White's religious mom who refused to talk about intimacy with her 16-year-old?
We all know how that turned out in the classic Stephen King novel.
Anyway, parents turning down an opportunity to have the uncomfortable convo or having their kids miss out on sex education can lead a child to potentially develop damaging misunderstandings about their body and puberty.
The effects of which were explored when Redditor sparklingshanaya asked:
"What’s a sexual misconception you had for way too long?"
It helps to have an earlier understanding about your body when you're younger.
"As a girl, I had no real idea of where/what the vagina was until I was like 11 or 12. My mom didn't give me a real sex talk, just a puberty/body book that said 'the vagina is between the woman's legs' and just had a full frontal diagram (legs closed) of a woman with an arrow pointing to her pelvic region. I also didn't know a period lasted longer than a day until I got mine at 14, and then wondered why it was still going on the next day."
"When my mom realized how abysmal my sex education was, her solution was to rent a video from the library about it and make me watch it on the big family TV in the living room at like 3pm. Granted— it was a very educational video but I won't ever forget one of the educators (a 50 year old woman) talking about how to give a satisfactory blow job."
"Ok so I grew up in a VERY conservative household. Was not allowed to take sex ed in middle school and they helicoptered in high school. Any internet access they had access to view so I never watched porn/looked at pics. Absolutely nothing. So for a long time I thought penises were shaped like a smaller pringles can. I thought it was just like...a straight up cylinder. Moved out at 17 and googled some things and man I had men's anatomy SO wrong."
Wrong End Of The Stick
"Friend of mine has a similar background and I just about lost my mind when she said the balls are the END of the penis. Like she had seen those doodles and had it upside down so they just dangle off the end of the shaft lmaooo."
Let's get verbal about getting oral.
Satisfy A Woman
"Learn to go down on a woman, like become a master at it. Do this."
Excuse For Supper
"I second this. Been married for 20 years and it's something I'm happy to do."
"Get involved, people."
"Edit: thanks for the medals and upvotes, people! Be assured that I'll be celebrating tonight."
"Friend of a friend thought it meant kissing. And they were like 19. So glad they found out through a conversation and not through a dude asking for it, or her talking about it. That would've been extremely confusing for everyone."
"My friend back in middle school thought a blowjob meant to literally blow on it. I still tease her about it to this day."
"Man, I thought I was gonna get so many blow jobs. That’s just not true."
As young adolescents, these Redditors got these terminologies mixed up.
"When I was around middle school age I thought that oral sex meant talking dirty :’)"
"I used to sext with my girlfriend in high school. When we broke up, she just went crazy and told everyone in our grade that I was great at 'oral sex' (she meant sexting💀) School hasn’t been the same since then."
Learning By Example
"I was kind of sheltered growing up, and like most sheltered kids, I learned a lot about sex through porn. I kept seeing 'blowjob' videos, and (i had no idea what a blowjob) assumed it was some kind of sex blooper. Like, something got messed up and the director said 'Oh darn, you blew it! Let’s take it from the top.'”
I had sex education in sixth grade after my parents gave the school permission for me to attend the special assembly centering on the topic.
But I remember how vague the instructor was. By the time I eventually had my first nocturnal emission, I remember being terrified, yet simultaneously elated. It was very confusing, and I didn't know what happened.
I remember reflecting back to sixth grade and thinking the school must've skipped that part in sex ed.