If you've ever worked with kids you know that their honesty and lack of filter can sometimes make them cringeworthy - and pretty hilarious.
If you haven't (or you don't have a thick skin) then you might not be able to appreciate just how funny kids can actually be. For those who can, this article should be a blast.
Reddit user moosepajamas asked:
Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a student say?
The answers could sometimes be insulting, sometimes silly, and sometimes downright baffling - just like kids themselves!
September 31
One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted. Later, I looked it up. I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th.
He looked at me kind of confused and said "ohhhh." Then his face brightened and he said, "Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!"
Jesus
I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said: "Man, I need to practice."
Without missing a beat the kid next to him says "My mom says I need Jesus."
Shown Up By A 5th Grader
Was tutoring after-school a couple years ago. A kid asked "What time is it?"
I joked "Time for you to get a watch."
He responded "Time for you to get a new joke" without a moment's hesitation.
I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.
Jogathon
I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.
Student: "So I pay you and you make me run?"
Me: "Yeah, that's actually how it goes."
Student: "This is simple. I don't pay you, you don't make me run."
Me: "uhhhh...."
- estrogyn
Rosa
Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked what happened.
To which he replied: "I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!"
The Moon
I teach sophomores. One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned, and obviously wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted out, "Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It's supposed to be out at night, something is wrong!"
Physically
Teacher to student: "Were you in class yesterday?"
Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: "Physically... ?"
It wasn't so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those "it's funny because it's too true" things... we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically... but being there? That was another question...
- Allisade
The Ladies
First grade. 6 yr. old lil dude about 3 ft. tall and 80 lbs. walks in late from recess.
Me - "Why are you late?"
Kid - grabs his hunk of belly with both hands like a ball of cream cheese and says "The ladies love this!"
Sits down like nothing happen with no smile.
Synchronized
GiphyHe asked me "If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?"
I lost it in class.
It's A Miracle
I teach high school, and one of my sophomores referred to merry-go-rounds as "miracle rounds". He legit thought that's what they were called 😂😂 I corrected him and he refused to believe me lol.
The Pizza Guy
I was sharing information about math in art to my students (they're about 13 years old) and mentioned Leonardo da Vinci. A student said: "The pizza guy?"
I was confused, but later she said, "See! The pizza party!"
We were looking at The Last Supper.
- catpflug
Astronomy
"I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn't even brought up horoscopes yet and we're 6 weeks in."
Budget Cuts
I teach band. One day I'm working with the high school jazz band and we're going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.
One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we're going to work on, sees that it's blank, looks up and says "Wow, budget cuts must've hit us hard, huh?"
Life Choices
GiphyMath prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked "does everyone understand my choices?" One of my favorite students ever piped up and said "Are we talking about your proof or how you've chosen to live your life?"
Before
GiphyWore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a super hero day. A student said I looked like Captain America - before the super soldier injections.
"What’s the most amazing thing about the universe?"
Our Brains Are Like The Milky Way
"A single human brain has as many neurons as there are stars in the Milky Way galaxy."
"Around 100 billion."
"Source: a neuroscientist filled with useless facts about the brain."- Afferent_Input
Where Our Deep Uncertainty Comes From
"This is one I thought about recently."
"I believe that Carl Sagan said that we, sentient entities, are a way for the cosmos to know itself."
"With this in mind, when we think about the end of our universe, whether it be through a big shrink, big cooling, or what have you, we get apprehensive."
"We probably will never see this end, many of us will be dead."
"Yet, we still get a cold fear in our hearts."
"We are also a way for the cosmos to fear it's demise."- TheClassyEngineer
A Little Perspective
"If you were on a planet 65 million light years away from Earth and had a really good telescope, you could see the dinosaurs."- Swimmergent
lisa simpson space GIFGiphyWhat Got Us Where We Are
"That every single random event since the dawn of creation."
"The birth and death of stars, planets and galaxies, the very genesis of life has led to you being here right now to ask this question."- Jesus_marley
There's Another World Out There...
"Imagine being transported to a parallel universe that was almost identical to our own."
"Somewhere out in the vastness of that universe, there is a tiny planet."
"This much is true in both universes."
"On this planet, there is a beach, and on that beach, there is a small stone."
"Once again, both universes are alike in this regard."
"Beneath that stone, however, there are several million grains of sand, and while they are all are in precisely the same location in each universe, one of them, a tiny speck of particularly clear quartz, hewn from a larger whole millions of years before, has a single atom that is positioned a fraction of a femtometer differently than its twin in the mirror dimension."
"You may think that such an insignificant difference would label these two universes as being functionally identical, and you would be right."
"In fact, they are so similar that the multiverse has long since combined them into one reality."
"That single atom in that tiny speck of sand on that lonesome beach on a distant planet merely occupies two spaces at once, seeming to an outside observer to vibrate back and forth at a predictable rate."
"That every atom in existence seems to do the same is probably a coincidence."- RamsesThePigeon
Loop Space GIF by xponentialdesignGiphySpeaks For Itself
"That it exists."- phillipsd001
The Age Old Question...
"It must be true that either it didn't exist, then it did."
"Or it has always existed."- realFraaErasmas
What Makes Our Brain Work...
"That somehow all the particles accumulated in a specific way and in specific quantities to give you conscious thought."- Sphyrwa
Stars Glow GIF by Erica AndersonGiphyThe Inevitable End...
That whatever our problems are, big or small, it won’t matter in 1,000,000 years (worst being a nuclear war or something). - Reddit
There are countless things about the universe no one will ever know.
But mysterious and, sometimes, unsettling as it may be, there's something oddly wonderful about the unending exploration and study to learn what is out there.
And all the discoveries we have yet to make.
"What fictional character's death still hits you hard no matter how many times you watch it?"
Dear, Noble Artax
"I have to say the death of Artax, the boy's horse, in 'The Neverending Story'."
"Watching him sink into that swamp was pretty awful."- powderkegpitbull
Bubba of Forest Gump
"'Bubba was my best good friend'."
"'And even I know that ain't something you can find just around the corner'."
"'Bubba was going to be a shrimping boat captain, but instead, he died right there by that river in Vietnam'."- FlyingVI
Stoick The Vast
"Stoick the Vast, chief of Berk, Hiccup's father, from 'How to Train Your Dragon'."- Waldo_007
how to train your dragon animation GIF by Universal KidsGiphyThe Iron Giant
"The Iron Giant."- roo719
Noble Canine Companion
"Fry’s dog from Futurama."
"Another testimony to the fact that animators can be true storytellers, who don’t always need words to get their point across."
"The changing of seasons as the dog sits and waits in front of the pizza shop."
"Waits and waits for Fry, who never returns."
"No dialogue."
"Just the absence of the dog, eventually."
"Ugh."
"Gut wrenching."- iwokwuplikwthis
Animated GIFGiphySweet Ofelia
"The little girl from Pan's Labyrinth."
"In fact I just started crying even thinking about it"- choppcy088
Beloved Dr. Greene
"Mark Greene on ER."
"20 years later and I've never watched that episode without bawling like a baby."- LadyGreyIcedTea
A Hero's Death
"Wally West in 'Young Justice'."
"It’s been about a decade and I’m still mad about it."- Remarkable-Duck-2306
Video Game Laughing GIF by DCGiphyA Heartbreaking Escape
"When Brooks hangs himself in 'The Shawshank Redemption'."- Horror-School-6713
As the saying goes, those we love never truly leave us.
In the case of fictional characters in film and television, however, they are literally preserved for eternity.
Paving the way for new generations to be devastated and traumatized by their deaths.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/