Teachers Divulge The Most Amusing Family Secrets They Accidentally Learned From Their Students
Parents... one of the first life lessons you should be teaching your children is the art of discretion. Children have loose lips. That's why inappropriate four letter words could come flying out of their mouths at any given moment. Family secrets should be explained as such. I know when I was a kid I was a treasure trove of stories. I knew all about the family and neighborhood news because adults assumed I wasn't listening. The surprise was on them. Especially when all the news is aired to educators.
Redditor u/reasonable_doubt1776 couldn't wait to hear from the educators out there who've discovered some "surprising" facts about their pupils by asking... Teachers of Reddit, what amusing family secrets did you accidentally learn from your overly talkative students?Children are highly observant. And once they commit to memory something they've seen or heard, all bets are off. I would constantly call out people without knowing. Once, I heard my babysitter tell a friend she hated their other friend because said friend was a skank and she never wanted to see her again. So imagine my surprise a few days later when said friend shows up to hangout. I was confused. So I asked... "Isn't she the skank you never want to see again?" I believe the people sharing on this thread understand the awkwardness of it all.
In the middle of a library summer reading program, I picked a little girl, probably about 4-5 years old, to come up and be my volunteer for a magic trick, which then you explained the science of after it was done. I asked what her name was, she said it into the mic, zero shyness in front of approximately 200 kids and adults. I asked if she had ever heard of the "trick" we were going to do and she said, "Nope!
My favorite dinosaur is a triceratops! And I like your shoes! My dad is back there HI DAD but my mom couldn't come tonight because she got a shot in her butt and can't sit on the hard chairs this place has." Dad (and all the other adults in the audience) were dying.
Grandpa Died
8th grader, excitedly: Mrs. Rosiedokidoki, guess what I found out? My grandpa was a nazi!
Me: do you know what a nazi is?
8th grader: no!!
Me: maybe you should go talk to your mom about that.
She came in the next day and went, "yeah my mom told me I can't tell people about my grandpa anymore."
On the Swings
I had a child once playing on the tire swing. He was a veeeeeeeeerrry serious kid and he looked me dead in the eye and said how much he liked the swing at daycare and how when he grew up he wanted to have a swing just like his mummy and daddy did in their bedroom... Looking his parents in the eye that day telling them he had a good day and keeping silent was difficult.
Teachers hear the craziest things. Someone needs to compile a comedy list of "overhearings" from educators and publish it as a coffee table book. The profits could single handedly fund schools in underprivileged areas for decades. It must make teachers like part of the family, at least for the day.
Congratulations!
If someone in your family is pregnant, and you've told your child, I already know.
That's Quite a Tree
GiphyWorked at an afterschool program run by the YMCA. Once had a 4th grader explain to me in detail how her sister was also her cousin.
edit: they had the same dad and their moms were sisters, so half siblings through dad and 1st cousins through moms. having a 9 year old run you through that is quite a trip.
Show & Tell
My daughter's kindergarten teacher told me about how one child entertained them at Show and Tell with a complete report on the new alarm system in their house including the code and where the keypad was located behind the curtains!
Save the Water
Kudos going out to all the teachers for glossing over the home stuff they learn!
My sister wrote in her daily journal in grade 1 that our parents had a shower together the night before. Teacher wrote "What a great way to save water!"
I remember when I was about twelve and had just figured out sex on my own, I was at a friend's house and she mentioned offhandedly that her parents bath together. I was like, "that's a thing people do? When their kids are around to know?"
My parents have always been very private, and I thought that was how everyone was.
How many times do you think teachers take and use what they hear? like if it's not a horror story but a funny tagline... you know they use good comedy in real life or the class the following year. They probably owe some royalties for certain witty wisdoms that endeared them to others. The best writers steal, so do teachers. I can feel it.
I'm the DJ
Here's a cute and lighthearted one—I had a girl stay for some help after school one day. At the time I was teaching geometry (10th grade) in a mostly Hispanic school. She told me about growing up in Peru until about the age of 10 or so (I can't remember the exact age she told me). She was telling me that she worked with her uncle sometimes on the weekend. I asked what kind of work—many of our kids worked construction with their families.
"He's a clown... I'm his DJ." That really gave me a smile.
In the Kitchen
We were talking about calling 911, but what a real emergency is. This is tricky with 10 year olds because you want to use real emergency examples but not freak them out. One kid... "so if your mom gives birth in the kitchen, that's an emergency"
Sure enough mom picks him up with his baby brother who was born last week in their kitchen.
Nunna Yo!
None Of Your Business No GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy4th grade. A student on Zoom the other day asked why another student had been gone a few weeks, and we all heard his mom in the back yell, "Boy, that is nunna yo damn business!" before he muted. I almost burst laughing but I held my composure.
High Tea Lady
One of my students once said "Mummy wants to know if you want to come round for tea because daddy is away at work."
The mother couldn't look at me for weeks on the playground, cause I think she heard her daughter ask me.
Well, what's wrong with a bit of tea? She probably just wants another grown up around to talk to.
Puff Up
I did a placement once and students had to talk about what they would do with a million dollars. One kid gets up in front of the class and goes "My mum said if she had a million dollars, she would buy lots and lots and lots and lots of weed."
Lord the world is a mess for the youth isn't it? If kids had even half a clue about what they're saying... they'd be too mortified to leave the house.
11th grade blues...
An 11th grader was talking about how he moved back with his grandparent's when his mom dies. He mentioned that his mom also attended this school and so did his dad, but he never met him. He only new his dad's first name. So he says the name in my "get to know other students first day ice breaker." A freshman girl asked a few pointed questions, pulls out her phone and calls their dad. Dad is there within 15 min.
Turns out the dead mom's family moved mom out of the city to hide the pregnancy and the dad only knew the child's first name. Dad spent years trying unsuccessfully to track his kid down. The dad settled down becomes an EMT, gets married, has 3 daughters, the oldest daughter was the freshman. There was a GD family reunion in my ice breaker on the first day of school.
Edit:Thanks for the awards everyone. Some points: the boys mom and dad were high school students when she became pregnant. I don't think that was clear. Mom moved from (downtown major northern city) to Alabama or Louisiana to be with her (grand)fathers, the boy got the (grand)fathers name (not sure if it was the moms father or grandfather). The dad would not have had the money or resources to trace the mom's movement, this would be in the pager/cassette days not cell phones and Facebook.
"Kid Beer"
While I taught 4th grade, I had a kid tell me that his dad works on car rims at night. Another one told my friend, the bilingual teacher, that she came back from visiting family in Mexico over the weekend by going through the river. Edited to add, another one! I taught the son of a 2nd grade teacher.
He came in one weekend talking about drinking lots of "kid beer" over the weekend at his dad's house. His mom stopped by later and I mentioned the story, she shook her head and said, "It's apple juice, I keep telling his dad to stop calling it kid beer!" Thanks for the awards! These are my very first ones!
Now that is Drama
Okay, so not a teacher but in grade 9 there was a girl who got completely plastered in the girls bathroom. And my 14 year old self had one too many slushies at lunch so I ran into her there. This girl's makeup was a complete mess and since I was at the peak of social anxiety problems I just tried to slip away.
As usual I was too late and this girl clung to my arm and fell apart sobbing to me about how her boyfriend had gotten her mother pregnant. I ended up missing the rest of the day to sit in the corner of the bathroom with this girl I had never met before in my life, and we never talked again. But man, I feel bad for that disfunction family.
Mrs. A
hemorrhoids GIFGiphyUsed to teach prekindergarten. I had one kid who would tell me every month when her mom was on her period. "Mrs. A, my mom is bleeding from her butt again." 😅 At least, I hope that is what was going on or that poor lady had some severe hemorrhoids lmao.
If I was a teacher I bug my classrooms. Then I'd go home and wrote everything down, change some names and wrote a novel, heck a series of novels. I'd be a millionaire. In fact...
Dad's Anatomy Issues
Several years ago, I did a brief stint teaching junior high (I now teach high school). In that time, I learned a lot of information from students that, I am sure, parents would prefer I had not learned.
The one that stands out the most to me was the boy who accidentally let it slip to the entire class that dad has a small penis.
The bell hadn't rung to start class yet, so I was letting the kids (seventh grade) be a little crazy and get some of their pent-up energy out before we began class.
I hear one boy say to another "shut up, you'll always have a tiny penis."
The kid, in a moment of suicide by words, just said "I've seen my dad naked. He's tiny. You're probably right."
Thank God the bell rang and I was able to move the kids onto their actual lessons.
Road to Hell
A bit different but nonetheless hilarious. My step brother was in kindergarten & his teacher overheard him say to about 5 other kids, "I've been to hell & back & let me tell you, it's freakin scary!" The teacher had to discipline him but then right after stepped out of the room & proceeded to laugh her butt off.
Quit the Smoke
mothers day smoking GIFGiphyIt was my own child actually. My husband had just quit smoking and my daughter was in kindergarten had proceeded to go and tell everybody that her father had quit doing drugs. Tobacco=drugs. I had quite a number of coworkers and parents come asking me if everything was okay at home.
Children are always going to surprise you. That is the only fact you can count on when you go into education. I remember several times in school my teachers shushing me when I wasn't appropriate, but with a smirk. I once announced my mother's age to the class and that was when my teacher, Mrs. Klein, informed me that gentlemen never discuss a ladies age. But I know she found it amusing and she used it as wisdom. Good on Mrs. Klein.
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- People Divulge The Family Secrets Their Parents Only Shared With Them Once They Were Old Enough - George Takei ›
- People Confess The Craziest Secrets They Know About Their Friends - George Takei ›
- People Confess Which Things They Know About Their Parents That They Shouldn't Actually Know - George Takei ›
- People Divulge Which Things They'll Never Tell Their Parents - George Takei ›
- People Confess The Darkest Secrets They've Learned About Their Family - George Takei ›
- High School Teachers Confess The One Thing They Wish All Their Students Knew - George Takei ›
Common 'Sexy' Things That Are A Turn-Off For Some Folks
"Reddit user aloe_veracity asked: 'What common 'sexy' thing is a turn-off for you personally?'"
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
That has always been one of my favorite life sayings.
Whether it's true or not is all subjective.
Maybe it's a truth.
Maybe it's a lie unfortunate people sell themselves.
And at some point in life, we're ALL unfortunate, here and there, now and again.
What is sexy to some is a stomach-turner to others.
Who hasn't been out with friends hunting for love interests and then been left shooketh by certain people's choices?
Redditor aloe_veracity wanted to discuss simple turn-ons and turn-offs, so they asked:
"What common 'sexy' thing is a turn-off for you personally?"
I do not get and will never understand skinny jeans.
Whoever thinks they are sexy is blind.
Use your words...
baby talking GIFGiphy"Baby talk, is that supposed to be sexy? Because it kinda makes me wanna take them to daycare."
kaeyasimp420
"I baby talk with my partner, but it’s less of a sexy thing and more of a cute n’ cuddly thing when we’re embracing each other."
H2OhYeahh
Off Color
"In Ireland, fake tan is very popular among women of all ages. But any guy I have talked to about this topic hates it, it's okay when done right but 99.9 percent of the time it is orange and patchy and looks like baby diarrhea smeared all over your body."
"Any woman I have discussed this with insists it looks amazing and that the boys love it, but I and any guy I have talked to about it are turned off majorly by the sight and even smell of it."
john_lemon7812
"My sister just shamed me for going somewhere without a fake tan. Don’t mind being pale in Ireland anymore though. Just too much effort to smell like fake tan, and have fake tan on my bed, and clothes. All just to look orange ha."
Kaza-beo
Just Howl
"Ripping off clothes during sex. Just take them off, no need to be a werewolf."
SuvenPan
"Did this twice. The first time I knew ahead of time that it was on the table, so I wore an old shirt that probably should have been thrown out by that point anyway. The second time, though, was totally on impulse and popped the buttons off of a really nice button-down blouse I’d worn for a job interview that day. At the time, it was hot af but once the hormones wore off and I couldn’t find all the buttons to sew them back on, I was miffed about it."
mokutou
Be Normal
"Aside from all the physical turn-offs, I am turned off by someone who's acting sexy, it's too ridiculous to me. Just act normal."
_Norman_Bates
"Ugh my husband used to do this, admittedly he can be incredibly socially awkward sometimes which cracks me up and is a reason why I love him, but man do I hate it when he tries to be sexy, squinting his eyes and slightly while raising his eyebrows, biting his lips and all. Gives me the ick so bad."
urscndmom
Unsexy
Not Listening Season 5 GIF by FriendsGiphy"Dated a girl who was really into anime once, she did the hentai cries to be sexy and it was just the most unsexy thing I've ever experienced."
GemoDorgon
This anime craziness is taking over.
To each their own.
Clothes On
dance party GIFGiphy"Male strippers. Just not for me and if I ever got a lap dance, I would probably just end up laughing lol."
semisweetdreams87
So Arrogant
"When confidence turns into arrogance."
DeerZealousideal7423
"Agreed. There's a difference between giving off the impression you know how to handle anything thrown your way and thinking that any communication with you is me thinking I'm hot crap and you think I'm unworthy of your attention."
patrickwithtraffic
"I struggle with this, but not because I am arrogant lol. I looked down on my abilities so much that I faked arrogance to be funny. My friends get the joke and we laugh, but I forget the joke doesn't land when the person has just met me."
jedadkins
I Still Cringe
"Oh, God. I KNOW this isn’t common outside of like, the 11th grade, which makes it worse. I have a 6’7 ex who would wiggle his eyebrows and do that tongue flicker thing. Something about something that off-putting being done by a towering beast of a man just made it 1000x worse. I still cringe."
No-Photo8763
"My ex used to do this lick/slurp noise and kinda hang his tongue tip out when he talked about hot people. It legit made me gag more than once. That particular gesture has stuck with me more viscerally than anything else he did."
LeSilverKitsune
Flavored
Tv Show Hulu GIF by The BearGiphy"Girls calling me 'Daddy,' it's gross and incestuous. I prefer to be called Chef, it's professional and implies we going to flavor town."
BicycleMinimum4629
Grow Long
"These stupid short beards which are way too symmetric and that everyone gets from the barber. Like someone drew it with a marker."
Kampfzwerg0
Again, sexiness is all subjective.
Our tastes are clearly all over the map.
Enjoy.
Traveling for most people is a wonderful adventure, full of new experiences, sights, and memories.
But even for the best travelers, there are bound to be some flop destinations along the way.
Redditor ITSSAMMYG asked:
"What was your worst ever holiday destination?"
Canberra
"Canberra. Not a bad holiday overall, there just wasn't much to do. It's such a weird place."
- Capital-Rhubarb
"If you're a nerd like me, then you never get tired of visiting Canberra. All the national institutions, museums, galleries, libraries, courts, parliaments new and old, decent food and beer, and beautiful walks around the lake. Not a touristy place at all for most people, but I love it."
- pistola
"Absolutely agree. Canberra should theoretically be a great city… but it’s just a bit... off?"
- aimztw
Las Vegas
"Las Vegas. The Douchebag Capital of America. When all our kids were in summer camps, my wife wanted to go on a lark. I've been to multiple conventions here, so it's old hat to me."
"The weather was actually unusually mild for late June, so no complaints there. But, having been to LV on both business and pleasure now, every visit follows the same pattern."
"Day One: Oh, cool. Neon! Wayne Newton! Weird architecture! Naked excess!"
"Day Two: Okay. Yeah, seen that and done that. And no, I don't want to deal with a gauntlet of guys handing me t*tty flyers as I walk down the street. F**k, I just want to have a drink in peace without somebody's rowdy bachelor party going on two tables over."
"And I really am bothered watching that 80-something woman feed quarters into a slot machine for fourteen consecutive hours. She was there this morning, she was there when I went back to my room, and now she's there at 10 tonight. Like she's grown a taproot or something. That woman's the real Las Vegas, not what you see in the ads. This place is like a really f**king hot Gatlinburg with slot machines."
"Day Three: Get me out of this place. Red Rocks. The Hoover Dam. Any place but this soul-sucking, tacky-a**ed, gimcrack s**thole. Short of Gary, Indiana, or a Calcutta slum, this has to be the most depressing place on the planet."
- AnybodySeeMyKeys
"The perfect way to do Vegas is to fly in early on a Saturday, do all the pool stuff, or golf, or see some of the sights. Have a nice lunch, and maybe play some games. Eat a really nice dinner, gamble and drink all night, and fly out before noon the next day. One night, in and out."
- SeeYouOn16
Gatlinburg
"Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge, Tennessee."
"I went a few times in the 90s and it was great. Nice hiking, beautiful views, and a secluded cabin. Just nice and relaxing."
"I went again in 2018 and you couldn’t pay me enough to ever go anywhere near there again. Traffic is a nightmare, tourist trap, s**tty food, crowded hiking trails, the views are littered with McMansion-style 'cabins.'"
"And our 'secluded cabin with mountain views' we went down in a valley with 10 other cabins. Our Mountain View was out of one window on the top floor if you looked up at the right angle. Worst vacation ever, I couldn’t wait to leave."
- PhobiaToyBox
Marmaris
"Marmaris, Turkey."
"Just constant harassment from locals who assume you're rich and my Black mate would be called Eddie Murphy or Micheal Jordan (which he thought was kinda funny as he's a short a**)."
"Such a dirty overcrowded s**t hole."
- Hankstinkbuckle
Liechtenstein
"Liechtenstein. It wasn't bad, just not very interesting."
"Also, both my friends and I got horrific food poisoning in a café before heading to the airport to fly home. We all had the s**ts, and I even ended up vomiting into the X-ray tray when going through security, causing me to miss my flight. Not my finest holiday."
- TheWouldBeMerchant
Dominican Republic
"I went to a destination wedding at a resort in the Dominican Republic. I paid full price for a room that wasn’t as nice as advertised (jungle view is actually a vista of more damn buildings) and they wouldn’t stop pestering us to attend timeshare sales meetings."
"It wasn’t safe to venture off the resort. Never going back."
- BlueLarkSpur_1929
"In Dominican Republic, my friend's parents paid for a guided tour, and at the end of the trip, the guide took all of their money and valuables."
"He was meant to have been really funny and charismatic, they thought he was joking at first."
- TheRealSlabsby
Jordan
"My Jordan experience was sexist."
"I have to say everywhere I've been to has been great, but, speaking for my ex-wife, I'd have to say Jordan."
"She surprised me for my 30th Birthday with a trip to Jordan. She also wanted to prove that the scene in Indian Jones (the third one, I think?) in Petra is real."
"The hotel staff was very condescending to my wife, looking at me to 'take over' and handle it. Kept asking me questions while she was standing right in front of them. At one point, she went down to get money off the credit card and they refused her. I took HER, not my, credit card and they gave me money without batting an eye."
"Tour guides were very unresponsive to her questions, and conversation, and engaged me as a tour guide would."
"We decided to head out a day early, not much to do after ruins and Petra. She called the airlines, and they refused to change the tickets, informing her there was no room. She went into Karen mode to no avail. Frustrated, she hung up the phone after probably 30 minutes."
"Something told me I should call them. I called right after her, and they were more than happy to put us on an earlier flight."
"We got... extra security... when we left. We were used to random questions, passport checks. That comes with traveling the world."
"First, an armed guard did the passport checks, asking us all sorts of questions about WHY caps on purpose, we went here, and WHY we went there. Very aggressive. Consulted with another armed guard and let us go. Then, while sitting down, a uniformed military person say down next to us and started questioning us."
"I would definitely go again, but I would advise my significant other about the experience."
- ReticenceDriftShadow
Albania
"Albania 2022. It was full of trash, scammers, and s**t quality everything. All the cities are so worn down and everything is concrete grey. No beautiful old towns like Croatia, Spain, and Italy."
"Every beach we visited was full of jetski jerks, waterbikes, and garbage. All the restaurants/bars/beach clubs were competing to play the loudest music. The only thing tolerable to enjoy was some scenic nature when driving far away from everything, but still, you would walk around in garbage if you stepped out of the car."
"And that rental car was moldy and s**t to drive. We had booked a newer model car, but that was stuck on a truck in France (sure thing) but we would get a 100 euro refund and get a very nice car instead. It looked like a bear had attacked the car. We're still waiting for that refund. Hate it!"
- ColdFeedPotatoe
Branson, Missouri
"Branson, Missouri. I will never go again until I'm a senior citizen."
- el_monstrueo
"I’ve said that for years. It’s only fun if you’re under 12 or over 70."
"I had a great time at Silver Dollar City a couple of times as a kid. Then I went in my mid-20s and thought I would die of boredom."
"Now, in my 40s, I’d enjoy more of the rural-type things near there, like fishing, boating, kayaking, hiking, etc. But you would not get me anywhere near that awful Branson main drag."
- mmm_unprocessed_fish
Venice, Italy
"Venice in mid-June eight or nine years ago. The city itself is impressive and the architecture is marvelous, but it was terribly crowded, full of tourists and street scammers/ suspicious ambulant vendors, also everything was at least twice as expensive as other lovely but more low profile places we saw in Italy."
- Latham_Scandelieus
Southern Illinois
"I went to Southern Illinois at Christmas time. First time I'd been there. Flat, desolate, brown, and f**king cold. It's like being on a s**t version of the moon where everything f**king sucks. Awful."
"I went there in spring once though, it was lovely."
- Doctor_WhiskyMan
Delhi
"Delhi. Unfortunately stayed in the worst part and almost lost my leg the first night we were there."
"I was in a tuk-tuk crash and had I not been a tourist and looking around, I wouldn’t have seen it a moment before it happened and my leg would have been crushed between the tuk-tuk and the road barrier. The whole side of it crumpled in and needed lifting back onto the road. Very frightening."
- ItsYaBoyTC
Jamaica
"Jamaica. Upon leaving the resort it was immediately obvious that the place was unsafe for tourists. The resort itself was adequate and we didn't mind staying within the bubble, someone with plans to explore the island was sure to be disappointed or dead or both."
- cutelyaware
"My wife and I went to pick Ocho Rios for our honeymoon. Our room was a 'jungle view,' meaning it was in the part of the property across the road from the main hotel and restaurants. They had golf carts that you called to bring you back and forth. We were warned not to cross on our own, as once we left the gate, we were subject to police harassment or getting assaulted by local criminals."
- pedantic_dullard
Sihanoukville
"Sihanoukville, Cambodia. We left after one night despite having booked for longer. Empty, abandoned concrete skyscraper shells and loads of Chinese who are Triads. Horrible experience."
- Davelydelicious
While traveling is an important and enriching experience for a person to learn more about someone else's culture and beliefs, it's clear that there are some experiences that will be had that are better off not being repeated.
While we can all dream that there is the perfect person out there for everyone, we can also agree that each person is not perfect for everyone else. There are absolutely dealbreakers that would apply to one person and not someone else.
But most of us can agree that there are certain things that you absolutely do not say on a first date.
Redditor TacticalBabushka asked:
"What is the worst thing to say on a first date?"
No Fat-Shaming Allowed
"Once I went on a date with a guy, and afterward I messaged something like, 'So what did you think?'"
"And he answered, 'You carry your weight well.'"
"I was surprised, because it’s a subject that had never come up before at any point, and this was back before filters existed, so he knew exactly how I looked before we met, it wasn’t due to any surprises."
"He also wasn’t into 'overweight women,' per his own admission, so this wasn’t said with enthusiasm."
- HyperboleEverAfter
Sweet Ulterior Motives
"My husband actually said to me on our first date, 'I’m really glad you’re not skinny.'"
"I think he meant it as a compliment. 12 years later, I realize it’s because he assumed (correctly) I could cook."
"He likes to eat."
"I am 5’7 and at the time we met, I weighed 190ish. I’m pretty solid built, and yeah, I have some meat on me, but it’s not sloppy. I’ve always worn a size 12/14 and I’m busty."
"He weighed 260 at 5’9 and was into bodybuilding, his chest measured 52 inches (no man boobs). He also worked in a steel mill at the time and probably needed to consume 5k calories a day just to maintain. We are not small people, lol (laughing out loud)."
"And yes, I can cook very well. Good food is very important to him. We currently weigh 160 (me) and 250."
- Argercy
"He likes to eat so much he put his own foot in his mouth!"
- Constant-Sandwich-88
Too Much Too Fast
"I love you."
- Bmilvis
"So, this reminds me of something that happened to me (TL;DR: the man was already making plans for marriage and the rest of our lives not even five minutes after meeting each other):"
"A Tinder date said, 'I saw in your profile that you’re in environmental science as well as soil science. How about we take some time to negotiate where we should move in the future when we are married based on where you want to study.'"
"I chuckled at him and thought he was just being cheeky and flirty, but then he got this very confused and serious expression and said, 'Why are you laughing? You don’t see yourself marrying me?'"
"And it was after we JUST said hi to each other, bruh!"
- Astro_Baddie
The Ex Talk
"Anything about your ex that was unprompted."
- Jugnaut_
"Oh yes. I went on a first date where my date started talking about his exes for some reason. Then it continued to how he was still friends with most of them. And the finale was, 'I may not be a good boyfriend, but I'm a great ex.'"
"The appetizers weren't even served yet... I really didn't know what to do with that information. We didn't meet again (for that and other reasons)."
- double_plankton
"I met up with a girl on Tinder in the middle of quarantine and just blabbered on about my last couple of girlfriends for like an hour in her car and then left. It felt so good to talk to someone in person that wasn’t my parents."
"Then she texted me as soon I I drove off like, 'Maybe next time you meet up with someone, you should let them speak and not talk about all of your ex-girlfriends, dude.'"
"It was pretty f**king embarrassing honestly, lol (laughing out loud)."
- parkrat92
"Bro was looking for a therapy session."
- The_Next_Legend
A Way to Be Introduced
"I saw your sister when I was going through all your Facebook pics. She's hot. Is she seeing anyone?"
- I_Lick_Bananas
Inappropriate Promises
"From a girl to me: 'I am so fertile, you can get me pregnant just by looking at me.' She was in her mid 20's, with three kids, all from different fathers."
"I did not go back for a second date."
- Tallguy67ca
Weird Comparisons
"'You remind me of my mom.'"
- Icy_Alfalfa_6896
"This happened to me… I eventually met her and realized i don’t want to ever become them."
- ZealousIdeal_Face572
"Or 'you remind me of my ex.'"
- notthepapa
Acing the Test
"You have passed the preliminaries and are definitely in the running. Good job."
- Shiny_Whisper_321
Sad Trombone
"Not me, but my wife and I were having lunch near a college campus. We ordered and found a spot. There were two college kids sitting behind me. There weren't a lot of patrons so it wasn't as loud as it could be."
"With that being said, from the conversation they were having, we gathered it was a first date."
"Our food arrived and we started eating, and midway through, I looked at my wife and told her I was glad we were past all that awkwardness of figuring each other out."
"Another five minutes hadn't even passed, and I heard the guy telling his date that, 'At night I have to play really sad music because I can only go to sleep if I cry...'"
"When I tell you my wife and I stopped mid-chew and wide-eyed stared at each other... I started to turn around to save him from digging deeper, but my wife grabbed my arm and shook her head no."
"Then my wife said she (the date) had this. What she saw that I didn't, was the young man's date was in the process of grabbing her purse and leaving."
"He sat there for about five minutes after that and left. I looked at my wife and said, 'He's probably going to sleep early tonight.'"
- MastrShak3
All the Red Flags
"I’ve heard a lot of crazy and bad stuff on first dates."
"One told me her boyfriend was in jail and she will be with him when he gets out and she doesn’t want him to know that she’s dating other people. But that wasn’t the worst."
"Neither was the date that had six beers while we talked for a few hours and said it helped her anxiety (an alcoholic red flag)."
"The worst was someone that spent almost an entire hour telling me how unhappy she was with her life. I mean her family made her unhappy, her job made her unhappy, her body made her unhappy, her baggage made her unhappy and even her car made her unhappy. She was looking for someone that would sign up to help her make it all better."
"I told her good luck and thank you for the time. It was the best learning experience I had on a first date."
- palm_desert_tangelos
When No is a Complete Sentence
"In my twenties, early twenties, I walked in, sat down at the table, and the girl simply said, 'No.'"
"I got up, walked back out, and drove home. I say that sucked quite a bit, you know."
- randomdaysnow
Awkward or Fun?
"'You have the same name as my dog.'"
- BlueCanary434
"I’m laughing now, but if a guy ever told me that, I’d be confused and then would bond with his dog so hard. The stories that I could tell that would sound weird as if I were talking about myself would be amazing."
- New-Seesaw9255
Educational Matters
"'You know the earth's flat, right?'"
- WillKillz
The Second-Hand Embarrassment
"One time on a date, the girl wanted to pick me up. Weird but sure. So we saw a movie and then we grabbed coffee, and she was just driving me around."
"She mentioned work was so boring that day that she wanted to pull her hair out."
"Like an id**t, out of my mouth come the words, 'Don’t do that. Nobody likes a bald girl.'"
"She went quiet for a second and then said, 'I guess this is a good time to tell you that I have cancer and this is a wig.'"
"I still crawl inside myself with I think about that."
- KarateKid1984
We've all made mistakes in our lives and likely have said some things we didn't mean or that we wish we could have phrased better. But when we're trying to make a good first impression on a first date, there's a special sting to those mistakes that we make.
People fighting with their own insecurities will go to great lengths to overcome them.
Unfortunately, some of those tactics come at a cost, especially if the endeavor to attain a desired status is a vanity project rather than an improvement of a person's well-being.
Curious to hear from strangers online who pursued a superficial achievement, Redditor Beneficial_Form8563 asked:
"What is the stupidest thing you have ever done to try to be cool?"
These people were more concerned about keeping up with appearances.
Showing Off Your Seat
"Wore my pants backwards during the 90s when kriss kross was popular, so glad we didn't have social media back then."
– Rocjames77
Undesired Contrast
"Tanning booths."
"Had a lady friend that was into those. I only did it like 5 times. I was so dark, the grey hair on my chest were literally glowing."
– mrxexon
Hot Gangsta
"In junior high I wore a hoodie all year because I thought it would make me look gangsta. This included those balmy 90+ degree Texas days."
– Old_Army90
Causing A Spectacle
"In 1st grade, I was very jealous of people with glasses. I wore an old pair of my mom's sunglasses and said they were prescription. So I was, what, 6ish, wearing GIANT 1970s woman's sunglasses and couldn't see sh*t."
"My teacher saw right through it, of course (something I couldn't do). She didnt call me out, just humored me, to a point."
"I kept taking them off to read the chalkboard and she told me to put them back on. She called my mom and explained the situation. Mom picked me up from school and all I remember is denying it, and then my mom expressed her disappointment that I'd lie to her and to a teacher."
"So I told kids I switched to contacts (which were barely a thing then, especially for kids)."
– ahhh_ennui
These Redditors didn't think about consequences.
Amateur Acrobat
"When I was 8 my sister had her friends over, all teenagers, and trying to be cool I jumped on the trampoline in front of them and told them I’d do a backflip. I’d never done a backflip so I landed on my neck, bounced off the trampoline and broke my wrist."
– Artemis64z
Painful Experiment
"Tried to strike a Zippo lighter on my 'stubble'. I was about fifteen; it was fluffy hair. Ripped a zit out of my face. Looked like I’d been shot. Still have an odd clump of scar tissue in my cheek."
– goodassjournalist
The Chugger
"Went to a party and chugged 6 Mike's Hard Lemonades and then threw up for several hours. Nobody else at the party was even a little drunk."
– AdamBombKelley
These people missed the mark when they were seeking to be cool.
The Rebel
"Got pulled over for playing my car stereo too loud. Took the ticket, turned it back up. Took another ticket, turned it back up. Took a third ticket, turned it back up. Spent the night in jail."
– anon
Hair Don't
"had my mullet cut off but left a rat tail, then had it braided."
– TrailerParkPrepper
Wet Disguise
"Spilled my drink to hide that I pissed my pants. Was too cool to say I needed a bathroom."
"EDIT: Before one more of you tell me that was actually smart, it was not: The problem was that it was November, we were outside drinking and smoking to hide from our parents. So when I did the quick thinking how to hide my wet pants I forgot that pee is warm.. and it was a cold night. So my pants were kind of.. steamy lol. I was 22 and a bit drunk 🤷♀️"
– SnicketyLemon875
Targeting The Teacher
"Not stupid just mean and regret it. Some of the popular kids were being my friend, or just pretending to be I don't know. I stole one of the nice teachers candy bars out of her cupboard. I didn't get caught, so I saw her take out the empty box, and look around the room disappointed. Felt like garbage."
– HooterEnthusiast
I was always the class clown in elementary school, and I loved making my classmates laugh.
One time, I tried pretending like I was walking into a closed-door classroom while intentionally not looking where I was going.
To make it look like my face slammed into the door, I planned to kick the door before my face actually hit it to simulate impact.
I misjudged the distance and my mouth slammed into the door.
My adult teeth that had just grown in didn't fall out, but they did get knocked out of alignment and my gums gushed blood.
Well, at least I still got the laughs I was seeking...at a painful cost.
What was your dumbest move to appear cool?