Tattoo lovers differ in just about every way possible. Some love realism, some are here for silly colors and cartoons. To some people every bit of ink has to have a meaning, and for others "because I felt like it" is totally fine by them. One thing most of us have in common is seeing at least one piece of art that made us wonder "who thought that was a good idea?"
Imagine how much worse that must be for the people in charge of creating those "masterpieces." Well, you kind of don't have to anymore.
Reddit user Oreoboii69 asked:
Tattoo artists of Reddit, what request made you go "I don't think that's a very good idea"
At first it was just the artists who chimed in, but it didn't take long for more people to speak up with their stories, and pretty soon the whole thing was a magical dumpster fire of bad ideas, misspellings, and at least one totally wrong name. Brace. It's about to get awful.
Teenage Boyfriends
I asked this to my buddy's tattoo guy and he told me this:
Two young girls come in with their mom, 16 and 14. They want to get their boyfriends' names tattooed on their back, like tramp stamp area. Big letters. Said each one would be $3-400. Mom approves.
He's tattooing the first girl, 16. Decides he will try to strike a conversation. "So, how long have you been dating your boyfriend?" ... 2 months.
Okay.. finishes first girl, next girl up. Thinks to himself.. should not ask, but gotta know... "So, how long have you been dating your boyfriend?" ... 5 weeks!
He asked the mom if she was sure prior and her words were, "They got good grades and this is what they wanted."
He also mentioned that if he wasn't so in the need of the cash he would have declined, but had bills to pay.
Buttception
GiphyI remember this one pretty clearly because the guy was such an idiot. Guy had an overly big head and was wearing some sort of generic band t-shirt. He kept ogling the sexy tat samples and giggling - like the Betty Page stuff that nobody really gets. He had a friend with him that was obviously a moron too; friend had this horrible under-bite and blonde Elvis hair. He wanted a tattoo of a butt with a tattoo of a butt on it.. and he wanted it right on his butt.
I didn't want to have to handle the fool's unwashed butt, so I gave him a quote for like double the normal price - but he paid it anyway.
Always "Remeber"
Was dating a girl, and her friend brought home a do it yourself tattoo kit. Yeah. Immediately everyone starts saying what they want tattooed on them while I'm backing up into the corner like some kind of scene from a horror movie. Thus ensued two hours of painfully hilarious, sh!tty tattooing. All kinds of random lines. A bad drawn rectangle. But the one that takes the cake, this guy got "Always Remember" tattooed on his bicep. Except, the amateur artist missed an "M", so instead his tattoo read "Always Remeber"
Three people looked at it and said yeah it looks great, it's awesome.
The instant I looked at it, I died. I laughed, So. F*cking. Hard. I couldn't take it. Assh*le move on my part, but what do you expect when you get a tattoo from a bunch of amateurs?!
Practice
I used to work with a bloke who liked to practice tattooing himself. It started with the lower legs and after about a month of owning his own tattoo gear, his legs ere covered in shitty line drawings of diamonds, dollar signs, card suits, bank notes, etc.
But then the big day came where he showed up sporting a phrase something like:
"If you had the World in your hands, would you hold onto it, or just let it slip away"
(sort of like the Eminem lyric but not quite the same)
That wouldn't have been so bad - if he hadn't done it on his f*cking neck, using the mirror and filled it with almost as many spelling mistakes as there were words.
Columbine
We had a crazy client come in one time asking for the portraits of Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the kids responsible for the Columbine massacre, on her calves.
We refused, but later she came back in with a boyfriend she had for less than a month and he got a "Property of _______" tattoo right above his junk.
"Fail Music Speaks"
GiphyMy very good friend, just after school, joined a mildly successful band. While pretty oiled up from a gig and 3 days of non stop drinking and drugs meets an old friend who expresses his admiration of the impressively quality koi sleeve my friend had done and said that he is about to become a tattoo artist himself and if my friend would ever like to, he could be his first customer, for free of course.
So, band friend decides to get his calve tattoo'd just before a major music festival, he decides that "When words fail, music speaks" was the quote around an old school microphone.
The session starts off rocky and just gets worse, this guy has never tattoo'd a human before and here is doing a piece bigger than my whole hand spanned out.
Halfway through my friends says thanks, but they must stop now this is going badly, he is bleeding, the lines aren't straight and the guy is clearly out of his depth.
What did the tattoo look like for the festival and about 10 months after until he got cash together to fix it?
It was an outline of a microphone that looked just a child had drawn a penis while having never seen a penis before with the lovely quote of:
"fail music speaks"
Almost 10 years later we still manage to fit that quote into just about every group conversation we have.
That's Not My Name
I know a guy who was desperately trying to impress a woman and get her to date him. I was there when he turned up and showed her his very first tattoo. Of her name...
Which she laughed at hysterically before she told him that it wasn't her name, it was a nickname because her actual name was unusual and people always got it wrong.
So he's walking around with a random name on him and she's even less likely to ever date an idiot like him.
The Nether-Swastika
When someone talks about bad tattoos I always remember what happened to my mom, who works at a hospital. Once, they had to operate on a girl who was about 18 years old. Basically they do these surgeries on veins and arteries. Usually they use catheters inserted into the groin so obviously they see the patients private parts.
Well the girl had a tattoo down there and - I sh*t you not - she had a damn swastika tattooed on her crotch. The doctors were speechless. The girl claimed that she "doesn't know what it means."
I have so many question.
- aaakyn
At Least We Know It Was A Wanted Pic
Her boyfriend's d*ck pic. I hope they're doing ok...
Pot Of Gold
Went to get a burrito and the 19 yo dude had a f*cking rainbow coming out of one ear and it ended at the pot of gold next to his mouth. Guess who's making burritos forever?
"I've Not Actually Seen It"
I did see a dude getting a huge thigh piece of Mad Max Fury Road the week the film came out. It was like an old school movie poster with the characters faces around a car, and looked sick.
Mentioned to the guy that he must really love the film. His response: "I've not actually seen it yet."
The artist looked up, mid ink, horrified when he heard that.
- SGDave
Satan v. Jesus
Not me, but I have a friend who was a longtime owner of a tattoo parlor. I was asking him this very question. He said he once declined a guy who wanted to get a tattoo of Satan bashing in Jesus's skull with a crucifix.
Dot
My uncle's buddy wanted the "worlds smallest tattoo" to be in the Guinness book of world records. The tattoo artist (also a friend of my uncles) was hesitant and thought it was a joke and an insult, so he took the tattoo gun and gave him a "dot" on his back and told him to get out.
"Got Boost?"
My girlfriend's little brother has the worst tattoo. He is 15 and went to Serbia with his friend to visit their family. He writes home to his mother asking if he could get a tattoo. Mom says no.
He then comes back with a large tattoo of an engine part with the text "got boost?"
He's pretty happy about it and I don't think he is going to regret it any time soon, but I did have a pretty hard time not laughing at it. He's 15, he doesn't even drive, and I'm pretty sure that's not the correct engine part.
She Objects!
GiphyA guy came in with his girlfriend, wanting a tattoo of her name. Over her objections.
Stank
I was sitting in the room with my friend when a guy walked into the shop and asked to get "my rap name tattooed on my neck." It was his first tattoo and he got a little bit frustrated when the artist refused.
His rap name was Stank.
- apl_soz
Truth Or Dare
A drunk lady asked me to tattoo a penis on her head while her boyfriend kept saying "It's truth or dare bro do it." I requested sobering up first. She said she would kill herself if she didn't get a big black c*ck on her head.
Redditor Jeffery_DahmerTV wanted to discuss the ideas that sound too crazy that they have to be true, so they asked:
"What is the most believable conspiracy Theory?"
In this day and age of alternative facts, it all seems like lies and truth.
Enlighten me.
Infection
Sick Computer Virus GIF by Achievement HunterGiphy"That computer viruses are made by antivirus companies to test their antivirus software."
astarisaslave
"Parents bought a new computer recently, the McAfee stuff was in there pretty deep to remove. The staff bogged it down, way faster afterward."
lt12765
War
"We are being goaded into waging culture wars that don't matter to keep us from waging class wars."
virgilreality
"Is this a conspiracy theory though? It would be if you assume it was engineered from the start, but this would also make it very unbelievable. But that existing conflicts had been fueled and taken advantage of by people in the position to for millennia is well evident I'd say."
Leseleff
Double Down
"Mattress Firm is a front for laundering money. There is no other reason for there to be so many. No one is ever even in there."
Free_Bingo
"Double down on this one! I have a Mattress Firm next to my job and I have never seen anyone in there ever. It’s been six years!"
cbcmama781
"I’m not convinced of this. Our local Mattress Firm is clearly baking $1k+ into their margins and then aggressively selling credit-based financing. Selling two or three a month probably covers everything."
Agloe_Dreams
Weather Issues
Climate Change Earth GIFGiphy"Those climate protestors that glue themselves to the road are hired by oil giants to make climate activists look stupid."
milanvlaman
"I feel this way about a lot of 'extremist' groups on both sides, that there are plants from the other side doing really stupid stuff just to discredit the idea."
Herr_Poopypants
The climate is changing. We have to come together. How is that a conspiracy?
That's All
Meryl Streep Pursed Lips GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy"That the fashion industry purposefully doesn’t put pockets in women’s clothing so they have to carry purses."
diceunodixon
Financial Clean Up
"That the only reason that the US government doesn’t do anything with student debt loans is because then people would stop signing up for the army."
Brotastic29
"That and healthcare.
"When you join up you get healthcare fully covered for you and your family, and you can get a full college education.
If the government started providing either of those for civilians, no one would need to join the military anymore."
redF5veStandingBy
"I think so too. I know and agree with what that dude was saying but when I see or hear people use 'Army' as a way to generalize the military, it usually means that what they said is something they’re just repeating what they heard."
chefboiortiz
The Commission
"There's definitely more to JFK's assassination than the Warren commission made it out to be. Whether or not LHO was the sole killer, I find it fishy that the CIA was so desperate to hide information from the public."
Bitter-Record-3831
"There is a very well-done documentary that concludes it was an accidental discharge from a Secret Service agent in one of the cars ahead of him."
Babstana
"CIA probably considered the assassination a declaration of war against Russia. They’re probably covering up that they were about to start WW3 over it."
tangcameo
Dairy Pounds
"The Great cheese conspiracy. Each year the US government buys more and more milk to make more and more cheese. The US government is sitting on something like 2 billion pounds of cheese. Just to artificially inflate milk prices."
worfhill
"Not even a conspiracy, just an example of the government controlling the economy in favor of dairy farmers."
Glass_Pies
"I watched a documentary about this. It's actually true."
PreferredSex_Yes
They're Listening
government agent GIF by South Park Giphy"That the CIA posts questions like this on Reddit to measure their past and current work, brainstorm for future projects."
ZRX1200R
Ominous
"I have a conspiracy theory about conspiracy theories. I believe the governments and 'leaders' of the world are actually rather incompetent, so much so, that they require the illusion of them being an ominous all-powerful all-seeing entity in order to remain in power."
"And to accomplish this they allow conspiracy theories like the Illuminati and etc to spread around to add a bit of urban myth to how 'powerful' they are."
"It's probably all a bunch of garbage Europe can barely communicate within itself you expect there to be some secret global order??? Oh, stop it haha."
SparkNoJoyThrw01
Sifting through what could and could not be true, could take forever.
Life is full of mystery.
