"I want that on my skin."
Uh....really? You sure about that?
u/PharmSystem asked:
Tattoo artists of Reddit, what was the weirdest / most disturbing tattoo a customer wanted?
Here were some of those answers.
A Parade Of Yikes
HIV+ on the shaft of their penis, apparently they felt it would qualify as informed consent and avoid bringing it up in conversation... but alas women do not see w eyes inside their vaginas.
The Mistakes We Make When Young
I have a friend that tattooed on herself the word "spite" onto her leg when she was 14 but anytime she wears socks it looks like it says "spit".
We Love Having Names Of Serial Killers On Our Necks
Several years ago I tattooed the words "Jeffrey Dahmer" in sh*tty scratchy writing on a girls neck for her 18th birthday. She had been coming into the shop a lot with her friends as they got tattooed and talking about it. She had the letters drawn up exactly as she wanted them and everything. The answer was always the same. "No f*cking way". When she finally turned 18 she came in with a few friends and asked again. I told her politely to f*ck off with her shenanigans. A few minutes later her friend told her he could just tattoo it with the "gun" he got off eBay at home. I made the hard choice to do the tattoo to insure that it wouldn't get infected or be all scarred up if she ever decided to have it removed.
It's been circulating around the internet for several years. I still feel sh*tty about it, and hope she got it removed. https://cheezburger.com/6524093696
What Is It With People And Their Privates
Not a tattoo artist but the guy I went to for many years once told me that he had a customer come in, 20 years old and completely sober and very serious, wanting him to tattoo birds flying out of her vagina up to her lower stomach. He told her he wasn't willing to tattoo genitalia to get out of it and she said okay, I'll just take an infinity sign on the back of my neck instead. He saved her from a lot of awkward questions and a lot of regret later in life
Me Hoy Minoy
I got a tattoo of Doodlebob on my *ss.
To those unaware, Doodlebob is the character from the episode of Spongebob where Spongebob finds a pencil and draws a copy of himself.
The copy becomes alive and ends up being evil.
While I was getting it I asked the tattoo artist "so what's the dumbest tattoo you've ever given someone?"
His reply, "Honestly? Probably this one."
I've had it for a few years and have no regrets. Doodlebob will live on underneath my boxers for years to come.
Me Hoy Minoy.
Peacockoalaing
I was apprenticing with my dad at his tattoo parlour and on this particular day I had nothing to do so I was just cleaning and answering calls, a fifty-something year old man came in wearing denim shorts and thongs (sandals) with a wifebeater on and the most magnificent mullet, he asked about finishing a tattoo he had gotten in Thailand, i asked him to show me and when he did I couldn't even comprehend what was happening with it... It was a full back piece of a koala with one foot on the ground and the other on a fallen bottle of VB, holding a tattered Australian flag up in one hand and shooting an AK-47 into the distance with the Aother, the koala also had the southern cross tattood on it chest. I referred him to another artist and after they spoke he left, I haven't seen him since. All in all a very weird encounter with the most bogan Aussie you could think of.
Eyebrow Mutilation
At my shop last year we had an older lady come in and ask us to tattoo her eyebrows (not an uncommon request, even though we don't do cosmetic tattooing) but rather than regular brows she wanted them to look like greyhound dogs running off her face...she was deadly serious too...needless to say we refused 🙈
Do We Need To Highlight This
Not an artist but the guy I went to told me about someone who repeatedly came into the shop and only ever wanted sort of natural marks on his body circled. Nipples were circled, freckles were circled, moles were circled. So the guy just had loads of circles of various sizes on his body. One day he shaved off his beard, found a spot or mole on his chin and came in that day to have it circled. IIRC the artist eventually turned him away and refused to circle anymore.
Certainly Too Much Crazy
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My tattoo artist once shared this story of this girl who wanted a rose tattooed around her anus. He refused, naturally, and she whined for a bit before asking him to instead tattoo "Sweet Little Thing" across her lower back (tramp-stamp style). He again refused and kicked her out of the shop. In his words, he wasn't "going to deal with that level of crazy for that long."
This Is Real
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When I worked as a tattoo artist, a guy wanted us to tattoo his name on his infant baby, because as he put it, "she's trying to say that's not my son!" We threatened to call the Gardaí because what the actual hell! We wouldn't tattoo anyone under the age of 18, even with parental consent, and we certainly wouldn't tattoo a baby!
I had to laugh when I saw the episode of Archer where he and the baby get tattoos, it was a grim reminder.
Are Dreams The Best Inspiration?
Not a tattoo artist but my artist told me about a friend of his who blacked out his nipples and a guy who had a dream in which he had lego figures as thumbs so he got them tattooed.
Poor Life Choices
Went on a date with an artist. Asked her this question. Her answer is a favorite story of mine to tell now.
"A girl came in on her 18th birthday. She was dressed super rich and talked like the most dense basic white girl you've ever seen. We asked her what she wanted done and she says, 'I want a tattoo on my butthole.'
'...what do you want there...?'
'I want words around my butthole.'
'...okay what do you want it to say?'
'I want it to say 'Dom's Butt Slut.'"
And she got a butthole tattoo that day. It wasn't done by the woman I was dating, but by someone se at that shop.
Hor
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We had a guy who came in to the shop monthly to get the word "Hor" tattooed on him. Always in different sizes and fonts/script - eventually we caved and asked what it was about (we assumed he just had a girlfriend/partner) turns out he'd misheard the name "Thor" and claimed to be a Norse Pagan. We tried to tell him about the correct spelling even showing him in books and online. He wasn't having it. A saw him a month or so ago, with "Hor" tattooed on his forehead.
Unsightly Whoops
Not an artist, but back in HS someone showed me their wrist tattoo they got at a party. The tattoo artist was tripping on acid at the time and so was the client. The guy wanted a mushroom. Instead, he got the outline of what looks like a penis. It's huge, too.
MumdaddadmuM
Not an artist and definitely not the weirdest, but I knew a girl who got the words Mum and Dad tattooed on her arm, which yknow, is relatively normal. Except she wrote it out herself, and it had no grammar or spaces so it came out as Mumdad, in big badly drawn cursive letters, along her forearm. So dumb.
Literally What
Not a tattoo artist but I know someone in my neighborhood that has his own name tattooed on his right arm. He says it for the occasions of drunkness when the police asks for his name and he can't talk.
But I think his left arm is better. It has the quote "The lion is the king of the jungle, but the wolf does not work in the circus" and next to the quote he has the face of a lion.
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.