"I want that on my skin."
Uh....really? You sure about that?
Here were some of those answers.
A Parade Of Yikes
HIV+ on the shaft of their penis, apparently they felt it would qualify as informed consent and avoid bringing it up in conversation... but alas women do not see w eyes inside their vaginas.
The Mistakes We Make When Young
I have a friend that tattooed on herself the word "spite" onto her leg when she was 14 but anytime she wears socks it looks like it says "spit".
We Love Having Names Of Serial Killers On Our Necks
Several years ago I tattooed the words "Jeffrey Dahmer" in sh*tty scratchy writing on a girls neck for her 18th birthday. She had been coming into the shop a lot with her friends as they got tattooed and talking about it. She had the letters drawn up exactly as she wanted them and everything. The answer was always the same. "No f*cking way". When she finally turned 18 she came in with a few friends and asked again. I told her politely to f*ck off with her shenanigans. A few minutes later her friend told her he could just tattoo it with the "gun" he got off eBay at home. I made the hard choice to do the tattoo to insure that it wouldn't get infected or be all scarred up if she ever decided to have it removed.
It's been circulating around the internet for several years. I still feel sh*tty about it, and hope she got it removed. http://cheezburger.com/6524093696
What Is It With People And Their Privates
Not a tattoo artist but the guy I went to for many years once told me that he had a customer come in, 20 years old and completely sober and very serious, wanting him to tattoo birds flying out of her vagina up to her lower stomach. He told her he wasn't willing to tattoo genitalia to get out of it and she said okay, I'll just take an infinity sign on the back of my neck instead. He saved her from a lot of awkward questions and a lot of regret later in life
Me Hoy Minoy
I got a tattoo of Doodlebob on my *ss.
To those unaware, Doodlebob is the character from the episode of Spongebob where Spongebob finds a pencil and draws a copy of himself.
The copy becomes alive and ends up being evil.
While I was getting it I asked the tattoo artist "so what's the dumbest tattoo you've ever given someone?"
His reply, "Honestly? Probably this one."
I've had it for a few years and have no regrets. Doodlebob will live on underneath my boxers for years to come.
Me Hoy Minoy.
I was apprenticing with my dad at his tattoo parlour and on this particular day I had nothing to do so I was just cleaning and answering calls, a fifty-something year old man came in wearing denim shorts and thongs (sandals) with a wifebeater on and the most magnificent mullet, he asked about finishing a tattoo he had gotten in Thailand, i asked him to show me and when he did I couldn't even comprehend what was happening with it... It was a full back piece of a koala with one foot on the ground and the other on a fallen bottle of VB, holding a tattered Australian flag up in one hand and shooting an AK-47 into the distance with the Aother, the koala also had the southern cross tattood on it chest. I referred him to another artist and after they spoke he left, I haven't seen him since. All in all a very weird encounter with the most bogan Aussie you could think of.
At my shop last year we had an older lady come in and ask us to tattoo her eyebrows (not an uncommon request, even though we don't do cosmetic tattooing) but rather than regular brows she wanted them to look like greyhound dogs running off her face...she was deadly serious too...needless to say we refused 🙈
Do We Need To Highlight This
Not an artist but the guy I went to told me about someone who repeatedly came into the shop and only ever wanted sort of natural marks on his body circled. Nipples were circled, freckles were circled, moles were circled. So the guy just had loads of circles of various sizes on his body. One day he shaved off his beard, found a spot or mole on his chin and came in that day to have it circled. IIRC the artist eventually turned him away and refused to circle anymore.
Certainly Too Much CrazyGiphy
My tattoo artist once shared this story of this girl who wanted a rose tattooed around her anus. He refused, naturally, and she whined for a bit before asking him to instead tattoo "Sweet Little Thing" across her lower back (tramp-stamp style). He again refused and kicked her out of the shop. In his words, he wasn't "going to deal with that level of crazy for that long."
This Is RealGiphy
When I worked as a tattoo artist, a guy wanted us to tattoo his name on his infant baby, because as he put it, "she's trying to say that's not my son!" We threatened to call the Gardaí because what the actual hell! We wouldn't tattoo anyone under the age of 18, even with parental consent, and we certainly wouldn't tattoo a baby!
I had to laugh when I saw the episode of Archer where he and the baby get tattoos, it was a grim reminder.
Are Dreams The Best Inspiration?
Not a tattoo artist but my artist told me about a friend of his who blacked out his nipples and a guy who had a dream in which he had lego figures as thumbs so he got them tattooed.
Poor Life Choices
Went on a date with an artist. Asked her this question. Her answer is a favorite story of mine to tell now.
"A girl came in on her 18th birthday. She was dressed super rich and talked like the most dense basic white girl you've ever seen. We asked her what she wanted done and she says, 'I want a tattoo on my butthole.'
'...what do you want there...?'
'I want words around my butthole.'
'...okay what do you want it to say?'
'I want it to say 'Dom's Butt Slut.'"
And she got a butthole tattoo that day. It wasn't done by the woman I was dating, but by someone se at that shop.
We had a guy who came in to the shop monthly to get the word "Hor" tattooed on him. Always in different sizes and fonts/script - eventually we caved and asked what it was about (we assumed he just had a girlfriend/partner) turns out he'd misheard the name "Thor" and claimed to be a Norse Pagan. We tried to tell him about the correct spelling even showing him in books and online. He wasn't having it. A saw him a month or so ago, with "Hor" tattooed on his forehead.
Not an artist, but back in HS someone showed me their wrist tattoo they got at a party. The tattoo artist was tripping on acid at the time and so was the client. The guy wanted a mushroom. Instead, he got the outline of what looks like a penis. It's huge, too.
Not an artist and definitely not the weirdest, but I knew a girl who got the words Mum and Dad tattooed on her arm, which yknow, is relatively normal. Except she wrote it out herself, and it had no grammar or spaces so it came out as Mumdad, in big badly drawn cursive letters, along her forearm. So dumb.
Not a tattoo artist but I know someone in my neighborhood that has his own name tattooed on his right arm. He says it for the occasions of drunkness when the police asks for his name and he can't talk.
But I think his left arm is better. It has the quote "The lion is the king of the jungle, but the wolf does not work in the circus" and next to the quote he has the face of a lion.