Women Who Dated Someone They Thought 'I Can Fix Him' Explain What Happened
"Reddit user rest_in_war asked: 'Women who said "I can fix him", what happened?'"
"I can fix them."
That is one of life's most dangerous sentences.
Love is going to turn out how it turns out.
We can help a significant other.
We can support them.
We can even guide them through the journey.
But fixing someone is not an option.
You can only fix oneself.
Plus, why would you want to fix someone?
Shouldn't we be interested in one another as we are?
Fixing someone implies that they're broken in a way you don't approve of.
That's not a great way to nurture love.
Redditor rest_in_war wanted to hear from the ladies out there about the guys they tried to change, so they asked:
"Women who said 'I can fix him,' what happened?"
If they need fixing, send them to a mechanic. (Therapist)
But don't wait around for the bill.
Moving On
Seth Meyers Lol GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers Giphy"With his newfound self-esteem, he left me for someone better."
CertainProgram8782
Over & Over
"Well, I failed at fixing him but learned a lot about myself in the process. I have no hate for him- if anything I hope every day he does the work to fix himself because I saw the potential and I did care for him once. I hate to think that he’ll just continue life repeating the same patterns over and over."
"I can say for myself, yes there was some damage done for sure! But I’ve never been the type to linger in my hurt. So, I learned a lot about myself, good and bad, and I’ve chosen to let the hurt go that he caused me and work on me. It’s been rocky here and there if I’m being honest- but if I could put that much effort and time into trying to fix someone else, why would I not do the same for myself?!?"
oreosaregarbage
Worse by the Day
"I didn't and he got crazier. No idea what has happened to him now and I don't care."
Comfortable-Ear-9186
Utterly Broken
"Well, my grandma said 'I can fix him,' ended up pregnant and alone. My mother never had a relationship with her biological dad (luckily my grandma met my grandad who then raised my mom). My mom said 'I can fix him,' and ended up alone with a baby. Was a single mom for 15 years. Luckily she's now married to my stepdad who's a great man."
"I said 'I can fix him' and tried my best and wasted 4 years of my youth. LUCKILY I didn't have kids with him, but he wanted to. I came out the other side utterly broken and it took quite a few years to repair myself. My self-confidence is still nonexistent, even though I've been married to a great man for 15 years."
"So, one word of advice; don't."
NamillaDK
Poison Spreads
"Ended up broken too."
ramonapap1
"Reminds me of that tweet that goes something like, 'I convinced my therapist to confront her husband about not liking her tweets. She may not be able to fix me, but at least I can make us both worse.'"
RilohKeen
A plan like this can only lead to self-harm.
We deserve more.
For the Better
Valentines Day Love GIF by Boomerang Official Giphy"I was the one who was fixed. My husband helped me work through my trauma and got me into therapy after we got married. I learned to take accountability for my actions and became much more honest with him. when we got together, I was absolutely aimless, but now I have a genuine plan for my future and I'm so excited to work hard with him in creating a comfortable and happy life together.
"I have always wanted to change for the better and wanted more for my life but he was certainly the push I needed to get there. He's been such a fantastic influence on me and I can never thank him enough for being my rock; I can only hope to repay him for everything he's done for me."
jwannnnn
Clean it Up
"I actually did 'fix him' while we were together- cleaned up (haircuts and regular shaving, clothes that actually fit, etc) and got him a job. The week after I helped him get his own apartment he cheated on me. He almost immediately reverted to how he was before, last I saw he was back to baggy pants and homeless man hair/facial hair. Lost his job and apartment and the girl left him... lol."
Interesting_Worth570
Closed Off
"Well, I am completely emotionally unavailable, and I no longer wish to give people my heart like that again."
NocturnalNess
"I know how you feel because I’ve been in that boat before. Please, when the right person comes along, do not be afraid to open up again. Those scars will ruin future relationships if you don’t let them heal. And all that’s obviously to say is let yourself be ready and don’t rush it. It gets better."
Merkaba_987
Back to my country...
"I was the one who was fixed."
"I met an exchange student when I was 19, and dropped out of college (was failing anyway) to follow her to her country. After about a year there, I was so head over heels in love I was sure I’d marry her. There was no way I was going to be a good husband with no job prospects, not knowing her language, etc."
"I went back to my country to get a menial job in a factory, get myself back into school, study her language, make something of myself. Whereas I was failing out of college when I left, I ended up getting a 4.0 when I went back."
"She flew to see me a few times and the last time broke up with me. I was devastated. But the fire had already been lit and I feel I’ve been quite successful in life over the last 25 years, and I am so thankful for her influence."
ThicccNhatHanh
Getting Wild
Lets Go Reaction GIF by Mason Ramsey Giphy"He left me because the grass was greener. I built him up so much that he was sure he could do better and go out to 'sow his wild oats.' 10 years later and he's close to 40 still living at home and hasn't had a girlfriend since."
happyele
What have we learned?
We can only fix ourselves.
And it's ok that love doesn't always conquer all.
Even in our progressive society, there are still far too many people with antiquated, mostly ludicrous, opinions of what it is to be a woman.
These are primarily from men in powerful positions.
However, some women also tend to look down on those who believe they are giving their gender a bad name.
This ignorant behavior is most commonly known as "toxic femininity".
"What are examples of toxic femininity?"
Caring About Your Image More Than Other People
"Girls who only support other girls when it’s convenient for their image."- flowerchild_3
Worry About Your Own Children, Not Other Moms
"Moms bullying other moms."- LollipopDreamscape
Men Are Parents Too...
"Dad of a 5 year old girl here."
"When my daughter was a couple of months old my wife discovered a nearby play group and was planning on taking her there for a session."
"I decided to take her myself as it landed on one of my days off and I wanted to spend some real time with my little girl and my wife deserved a break."
"The play group is taking place in a large community hall and there's quite a few people there with kids ranging from newborns to around 4 or 5."
"However I quickly noticed that out of about 30ish parents I'm the only man there and everyone stares at me."
"I think nothing of it and proceed to the soft play section for the babies to play with my daughter."
"Not 10 minutes pass however and I notice mums and even nans pretending not to stare at me and talk under their breath."
"At first I thought I was being paranoid because I was nervous being the only dude there but then I noticed it was several groups doing it.'
'I then overheard one of the mums in the baby section with us say to her friend/sister/who cares that I must be dodgy or on the offenders register."
'Yes."
"THAT register.'
"All because I happened to be the only dad there.'
"I picked my daughter up, told the women where she could stuff her opinions and promptly left."
'I told my wife what had happened and then she went back by herself and had a somewhat heated exchange with the organisers."
"Sometimes I think I married a dragon because she returned with a face so red with rage you'd think she just breathed fire."
"Play group mums can be sexist as hell."- LostMercenary99
Never Pass Judgement Without Knowing The Details
"Mothers shaming C-Section moms saying they didn’t give birth because the child was surgically removed."- Sufficient-Voice-210
"My wife could not produce enough milk for our children."
"When our first was born she tried and tried."
"I woke up in the middle of the night to her crying."
"She felt like she was a horrible mom to even bring up formula."
"There is so much pressure on moms, and it is incredibly stupid."
"Our kids are very well adjusted and were on formula the entire time.'
"I tell anyone who is expecting their first that the only 'right' way is the 'right way for that child'.”
"Damn everyone else’s opinions; do what is best for your family; not the mommy bloggers."
"My oldest is 10 years old and my wife is at peace with it; she worked through her guilt, which I totally agree she should not have any guilt: she is an excellent mother."
"The statistics on breastfed vs. bottle fed have other correlations which I don’t want to take the time to defend, anyone can read the studies, but adding other factors like home life and atomic households, the delta between the two are not as big as the breastfeeding fanatics point out."
"Lastly, anecdotally and take this as a a claim from a dad.'
"My kids are healthy and hyper-intelligent."
"My oldest has been consistently tested through school as top 2% composite intelligence, and she is thriving in advanced classes."
"I say this because there are people who say that IQ is impacted by breastfeeding."
"It just isn’t true, my children thrive, they are healthy and they know they are loved."- Lokitusaborg
If You Can't Take The Heat...
"Being verbally abusive and then playing victim the second the other person argues back or raises their voice."- No-Bumblebee4615
A "Real Woman" Would Probably Never Say This...
"Pulling the 'if you're a real man' card whenever they need something."- Reddit
Not Everyone Is Meant To Be A Parent
"Mothers telling women without kids that their life is meaningless and they can’t understand true love."- DontShowMomMemes
No Man Is Worth The Trouble
"Women who throw other women under the bus for a man, or the attention of a man etc."- KekeSmall
Happily Ever After Has Many Different Meanings
"That single women should be sad."- hallelujasuzanne
Being Self-Serving Ultimately Serves No One
"Women that only want traditional values when it benefits them."- SnooCakes653
Just because someone, no matter their gender, lives their life differently than you do doesn't mean they are deserving of your judgment.
Especially if they are happy with the life they are living, and aren't bringing harm to anyone else.
Anyone believing others aren't fitting their expectations of what it is to be a "real woman" or a "real man" might want to stop and re-examine their standards.
We all need to love ourselves.
And is very important to put ourselves and our happiness first.
Self-love is a vital part of the human existence.
But some people really need to examine the behavior that they deem as "self-care."
Self-care doesn't belittle others.
And it acknowledges the line between confidence and arrogance.
Redditor redhead_in_red wanted to hear about the ways in which choosing "Me First" can actually be a detriment.
So they asked:
"What's some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?"
The telling it like it is crew always gets me.
There is truth and the way you say it.
Nope
Go Away Art GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"If they can't handle my worst, they don't deserve my best,' funny how those people are always at their 'worst.'"
Team-Hero
"I consider anyone who ever says this to be radioactive, so I stay miles away. I remember being on dating sites and some women using that in their info. Automatic nope... lol."
Beaudaci0us
Stay Positive
"Advice to Surround yourself only with positive people, if you're willing to cut people from the your life when they are a bit down, that's a recipe for people hiding the negatives in their life from friends, only discussing the positive and having mostly superficial friendships, for fear of you being cut out of their lives."
"Not saying you need to keep people in your life who are treating you badly, but we all go through times when we are up and times when we are down, friends give you thier time through both."
cognitivebetterment
Trust
“'Always trust your feelings.'”
"This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change."
youkick
"I always took this as 'trust your gut,' meaning 'trust your instinct.' We describe it as a feeling but it's actually thought, memory, and sensation/feeling - not an emotion. And this definitely gets lost in our collective game of telephone."
"It's meant for things pertaining to general survival decisions, mostly. Like, a gut 'feeling' to not cross the street yet. It's a bunch of things we pick up on but can't quite put our finger on, and it is better to act without thinking on each thing and memory specifically."
Conditional
"That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill."
"Unconditional support does NOT mean they go along with whatever you want. It means they care about you and support you, even when you make bad decisions. And sometimes, supporting you means telling you how it is."
GildedLily16
Rubbish
You Lie Harry Potter GIF by SkyGiphy"The sort of 'positivity' that relies on dragging other people down."
"I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it's really sad."
"It doesn't solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!"
ClydeB3
Keeping everyone afloat is part of the positive.
Brutal
Giphy"It's not really advice, but it's popular for people to label themselves as 'brutally honest.'"
"Honesty is good, but beware of people who are more interested in the brutality than the honesty."
SteezyPeez
True Dat.
"'Live your truth.' There is a fine line between between authenticity and being an a**hole."
Kurgan1536
"I've yet to meet a person who uses 'I'm speaking my truth' who didn't clearly mean "I don't care how incorrect or hurtful what I'm about to say is; if you don't accept it you're disrespecting me."
"To clarify since some replies are bringing up specific people. I don't know much about celebrities. I was mostly thinking of a former coworker who would use the phrase constantly when being blatantly wrong but still expecting to be accommodated for her preferred reality."
SumsuchUser
Say NO... to YOU!
“'Ignore the haters.'”
"Sometimes the 'haters' are people who love you and want to warn you of potential pitfalls (such as MLMs, cults, abusive relationships, etc.)"
"Update: A few people are saying that the definition of haters is, essentially, only people who are hating for the wrong reasons. I agree that’s what this advice intends to communicate. Basically, don’t pay any attention to people who project consistent irrational negativity your way."
"My concern is that this phrase is so easily misapplied as a 'self love' mantra which ultimately serves to keep some vulnerable people from listening to the valid and well-intentioned concerns of loved ones. It can be used by a manipulative person to keep victims/vulnerable followers in line."
"I like 'haters gonna hate' better because it implies there is a pattern. Like, 'oh that person is always hating so of course they’re hating now.' But if your sister is usually supportive, and definitely not a hater by nature, and is suddenly very concerned that your relationship is abusive... listen up!"
"I think it comes down to the idea that you have (arguably) more to lose by disregarding a well-intentioned friend than by paying attention to an ill-intentioned one. I appreciated the feedback and did not find any of you to be haters. :) "
REDDT
“girl boss”
"I have a friend who is very sucked into the 'girl boss' subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing 'self care' in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self care."
"Self care and self love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn’t working and is making you miserable, even if it’s what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up."
wonkyboys
A Constant
Season 7 Work GIF by ShamelessGiphy“'Cut off anyone that doesn’t bring you peace.'"
"Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn’t count if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them."
tinymom7674
Well I hope some truths sink in.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.
The term "fan" is believed to be derived from "fanatic" or "fanatical.
Meaning "a person filled with excessive and single-minded zeal".
Indeed, some fans simply can't hide their excitement for their favorite franchises, sports teams, recording artists, or political figures, no matter how hard they try.
Resulting in the birth of such monikers as "Trekkies", "Beliebers", or "Cumberb*tches."
And while these passionate, some might say obsessive, fan bases often find compatriots at conventions, premieres and meet-ups, those unfamiliar with the apples of their respective eyes might be confused by their level of fandom, if not down right annoyed.
"What is the most annoying fan base?"
Crime Enthusiasts
"This will probably get buried, but back in 2012-2015 I was in the Creepypasta Fandom."
"The people in that Fandom were psychotic, it was crazy."- ElenoaL
"Serial killer fans."- xcxaxsxpxexr
Bring On The Clap-Backs...
"The fanbase of Rupauls Drag Race is pretty notorious for sending death threats to the hard working talented people they’re supposed to be a fan of."- rubenblom
Rupauls Drag Race Reaction GIFGiphyAll Of Them. Literally, ALL OF THEM!
"Any fan base if you go deep enough."
"Just go to one of those subs for a small Netflix show you’ve binged in a day."- qwerty12qwerty
"Evil Is Out There"... It's The Fans!
"Coming from a genuine fan of the show, I think that the Supernatural fanbase needs to pipe the f*ck down."- AaryanKearns
My Favorite Group Is Better Than Yours!!!
"Kpop fans who take things a bit too far."
"I had friends who'd have fights over who is 'worthy' to be called the wife of one of the kpop idols, no they weren't joking."- Caprisal
K Pop Reaction GIFGiphyHence The State Of American Politics...
"Politicians' fan base."- NikinhoRobo
You Know They've Gone Too Far When They Name Themselves...
"I'm put off by any fanbase that has a collective name."
"'The B-Hive' and so forth."
"In almost every case it feels really forced."
"Football (soccer) Twitter is full of d*ckheads too.'
'The further away from the team's home ground they live, the worse they get.'
Euro 2016 England GIF by SporzaGiphyTechno Wars
"Playstation VS Xbox ."
'iPhone vs Android."
"Those people."- L33HDX
There's nothing wrong being a fan of someone or something, no matter how fanatical you get.
Though it would be in everyone's best interest to learn how to temper those feelings around others, as not everyone will share your passionate feelings.
Just ask any Yankees fan who's dared to wear their team's cap in Boston...
Everyone has wild stories from their workplace.
But the stories that tend to instantly grab people's attention are those about instances which led people to quit.
Be it low pay, unsafe working conditions, or abusive bosses or managers, hearing what finally led someone to leave a job is always fascinating.
But how about moments where not one person, but multiple people, if not the entire staff, all banded together and left?
Far-fetched as it may seem, there have indeed been occasions where an entire workforce was so over their conditions, that they all gave their notice in unison.
Redditor RealSlicy was curious to hear some of these stories, resulting in their taking to Reddit to ask:
"What happened at work that made everyone quit at once?"
Unsafe conditions
"I worked at a bread manufacturing plant."
"This happened in the bagging area."
"A worker tripped and somehow the way he landed his hand slipped underneath the machine guard and into a chain."
"Cut off his arm just below the elbow."
"The supervisor insisted we just wipe off the machine with a towel and continue running the rest of the already baked product."
"Twelve out of sixteen including myself quit."
"I found out later the manager fired that supervisor that day."- Bignona
Horrible Bosses
"Three of us, the engineers, quit the same week and without any discussion between ourselves."
"Man in charge was an insufferable, insulting tw*t."
"This led to the head office losing faith and the whole subsidiary being sold off."- PicardTangoAlpha
"I worked at a dispensary for a few months, the owner was a really bitter older lady in her 60s."
"The owner was extremely sexist and hated all of the male employees, that included me."
"She would constantly dog on me and all of my male coworkers."
"We had to wear aprons, I had to keep my hair in pony tail, and she would constantly call us dirty bums and losers, etc."
"When she would get in fights with her husband or just have a bad day she would come in the shop and start yelling at everyone."
" I was the manager and after I quit she lost it completely, and tried to not pay anyone."
"Everyone quit that day and her business went under, best feeling I’ve ever had."- Sl33PYH3AD_
Placing Blame on the Wrong People
"Company did a survey of employee happiness."
"It had super limited answers."
"We filled it out and tried to explain that, internally, our team was doing well and we were happy but just about everyone had problems with two other employees outside the team who were bullies in important positions."
"The company asked us instead what 'we' could do better so the bullies don't bully."
"Over half the team quit within a month which is unheard of at that company and our team was/is a corner stone of the entire business."- Butterbubblebutt
Bribery
"Manager kept pitching Amway to us on breaks and then cut hours of those that didn't sign up under him."
"We worked in retail at the mall."- rayrayrayray
Total lack of sympathy
"Worked in a call centre offering free public transport brochures to people living in a city."
"The place was poorly managed, it was contracted out by the local government and only cared about numbers."
"Early during one shift a spate of bombings on public transport killed a load of people around the city."
"After a few calls of getting abuse from people aghast we were trying to get their details to send them bus/train timetables etc, we collectively stopped making calls."
"We assumed management would pause the project for that week at least, maybe longer, out of respect for what had happened.
"Our manager put her foot down and told us we must continue calling that morning, and as we were only on temporary contracts anyone who refused may face being replaced, then she stormed off."
"The entire team quit on the spot, we just got up and left without speaking to her again."
"We called up the work agency to let them know and they did not blame us."
"We were all replaced but the local government office heard what had happened and pulled the plug on the contract with that call centre within a month."- Husper
No or late payment.
"Not my work, but close friends."
"Restaurant owner wasn't paying his staff and checks kept bouncing."
"So one night, they all said 'f*ck this', closed up shop together and left."
"Owner got ran out of town after Social Media and reg media took over."
"He closed down both of his places, the second also had a staff walk out the week prior to the first and sold the buildings."
Since people keep asking, this was in MD."
"And the 'second place' was his second restaurant, Indian place, that had kitchen staff walk out a week prior, but the walk out didn't close the restaurant."
"He closed it and sold it after his first restaurant was shuttered."
"Good riddance." - Reddit
Other priorities
"One of my first jobs was as a dishwasher at a local steakhouse which was always really busy as it overlooked the waterfalls of the the local river."
"My 3rd or 4th day working the whole kitchen staff just didn't show up."
"Except for me."
"Boss grabbed me and taught me how to cook as we went."
"Not only had I never cooked before, this was a Friday night and I was missing a concert, so I was kind of angry about that."
"Probably not the culinary experience some of the customers expected that night, but I tried my best."
"Then, after we closed I had to stick around for another 4 hours to wash dishes.'
"Turns out everybody went to the concert."
"This was almost 40 years ago.'
"Still mad."- MadonnaBinLaden
Wrongful Demotion
"I had a manager at a thrift store that I won’t name."
"She was the type of woman that genuinely cared about her employees."
"She gave us a break if we were having a rough time, or if it was serious she sent us home, and she NEVER questioned if you needed to call out."
"Even if you just said you were having a depressive episode it was ALWAYS 'I understand I’ll try to find someone to cover, and if not one person down won’t end the world'."
"Anyways this thrift store sent their higher ups in from corporate one day and I guess they didn’t like how the store was being run."
"We genuinely always got our work done as a store, we just lived in a crummy area and the customers would wreck the store a lot."
"Anyways they ended up demoting the manager and putting in this brown nose woman who was the type to write you up when you were 2 minutes late from your break."
"About 35 people worked at that location and I’m not joking about 20 quit in the span of 3-5 days."
"They had to consider closing the location because they were so short staffed."- PriorAgreeable8103
Fed Up With Beurocracy
"Late 90s Pizza Hut."
"The manager got fired for putting too much topping on pizzas."
"Corporate had just adopted this ultra-strict regime of making the cooks weigh every topping on every pizza, which took forever and slowed everyone down during busy times."
"He didn't enforce the rules and so they canned him."
"Most of the cooks quit with him in solidarity."
"He was a cool guy who got me my job there."- ToBlayyyve·
Willful Ignorance
"Vaccine mandates was the straw that broke the camels back, but just mask mandates caused a 1/3 to bounce."- basically_anyone
Selling Out
"We got sold to franchise owners."
"They had no respect for what they were doing."
"Wanted us to sell moldy food."
"When one of us put in their notice, the owners literally called her and said 'you need to turn in your keys tonight'."
"It would be a shame if something happened to the store.”
"UMM, WHAT?"
"After about two months, all of us had either gone back to a corporate store or left the company altogether."- ugfuglio69420
Another Casualty Of The Pandemic
"Covid, new managers, short staff."- Wesmom2021
Knew Their Self-Worth
"This is my brother’s story."
"Several years ago he worked as a team lead for a company that was toxic AF."
"Overworked the staff and cut corners on the products."
"Not long after he started there he was already job hunting but not finding anything so he was sticking it out."
"One day they reduced the department by 2/3."
"My brother and the ones kept on staff watched their former coworkers clean out their desks smiling because they were out of hell, with severance."
"Those left behind were going to be stuck with about four peoples’ worth of work to each team member."
"My brother typed up a resignation letter to hand in at the next instance of abuse."
"He didn’t have to wait long."
"The next day the manager and VP called him into a meeting and cussed him out and yelled at him for not being a true leader and told him he better get his worthless team in line."
"Did this in earshot of said team btw."
“'You’re absolutely right', my brother said. 'I’m going to be the leader my team needs starting now'.”
"He pulled his resignation out of his back pocket, threw it on the table, and walked out."
"His remaining teammates all got up and walked out with him and left the manager and VP with no engineers at all in the company."
"As you can imagine the company didn’t last long after that."- AgentCarmichael20
Sometimes, when at a loss of how to handle things, the best thing to do is just get up and leave.
Though, one does hope those that chose to skip work for a concert weren't planning on going back to work the next day.