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Getting disowned by your family can either be absolutely devastating or a massive relief. Either way, usually it's to get rid of toxicity within a family structure, whether on purpose or an unintentional result of the situation.
Here are a few stories about being disowned by family members, from the side of the person who was disowned. Heads up, these might get a little ugly.
<p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/theconquer0r12/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">U/theconquer0r12</a> asked: <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lu0smq/serious_those_of_you_who_have_been_disowned_what/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf" target="_blank">[Serious] Those of you who have been disowned, what was your side of the story?</a><br></p><p><br></p>
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<p>First up, here are the ones about family members who definitely dodged a bullet. These are stories of people who were honestly probably better off without them anyway.</p>
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Now THAT’S a toxic family.
<p>I don't consider myself disowned, but I have been cut off from seeing my younger siblings. I've pretty much disowned certain family members myself.</p><p>My mother(50) has been abusing her position of EPOA for my Alzheimers addled Grandmother(80) via extortion, and unlike everybody else, I choose to hold her accountable for her actions, because her selfish actions lead to my nana nearly needing her feet amputated from having lack of medical care and attention.</p><p>I told everyone what she was doing and nothing happened. No one wants to prosecute her because apparently legal fees are more important than getting my grandmother justice.</p><p>So, essentially, I was 'disowned' for exposing her extortion.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Mumsacunt/" target="_blank">Mumsac*nt</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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At least there was a happy ending.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwMDY3NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NjQ0ODQ1NX0.50384xr_KZ6kXnpm2NPzxtQUNKoxaiuvdeefciyQ3bU/img.gif?width=980" id="6a14b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="1841f01792526bfa9519bd02ba86da10" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="360" />bart simpson whatever GIFGiphy<p>Mom saw that I'd worn some of her clothes while she was in another province for work. I came home to her screaming that I'd sold thousands of dollars of her clothing to my high school friends (we were so poor we had to steal food; nobody bought any clothes, nobody stole them either lol).</p><p>She then said she was going to destroy everything I owned, and in a panic I hid in my room and put the dresser against the door. She started throwing herself against it, and I was terrified to realize she was gonna get in. My lava lamp fell, I caught it, and threw it when she forced the door open. She screamed, I jumped out a window and ran barefoot to a friends house.</p><p>She called the police accusing me trying to murder her, I turned myself in and told the police that I did assault her and would accept any charges. They released me to my friends house and told my mom that they'd charge her with child abandonment if she kept pushing.</p><p>Her ex best friend drove four days to get me. She signed over the ownership papers and I've had an amazing dad ever since.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Individual-Youth958/" target="_blank">Individual-Youth958</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Talk about mommy issues.
<p>My mom decided when I was 13-14 that she didn't want to have kids anymore. Her and my dad divorced. So my dad moved out of the family house and my mom was newly single.</p><p>So she gets my sister out first by asking my sister to go away to stay with our dad for the weekend. When my sister came back, my mom had packed all her items in boxes and said, "find somewhere else to live." Sister was maybe 15. Her reasoning is she didn't like the crowd my sister was running with.</p><p>With me, I stuck around longer. I took more abuse and neglect. My mom didn't cook, or clean, or have food in the house. And despite getting child support, if I asked for shoes, or anything, "ask your father, don't ask me."</p><p>Despite not having food or money, she wouldn't give me the alarm code to the house, or a key. I could only come home if she was home. One day she agreed to drive my friends and I to the movies. Well she and I got into a small argument about something in the morning (I don't remember what) and I left and arrived home in the afternoon. She was home but wouldn't let me in. I was a 13-14 year old kid (before cell phones were that commonplace). Ringing the bell, peering in the windows. She wouldn't let me in. Finally, I found an open window and climbed through and she coldly looked at me and said, "you know, I could have you arrested for breaking into the house if I wanted to."</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>I went to live with my dad shortly thereafter. She moved away to live with a guy she met from the internet. Sponsored him to come into the country with his 12 year old son. By the time I was 16, she was married and moved the guy in, and bought his son new video games, travel allowance, his own apartment when he was a teenager, and wouldn't even buy me shoes.</p><p>Well, she gave this guy access to her bank account and he took all her money. Her entire life savings. All her money in the world. She lost her house and became homeless, my sister took her in at the time.</p><p>My mom eventually got back on her feet a little bit, got a job. I tried to repair the relationship and be nice. Never for long.</p>
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<p>Finally she had some kind of mental breakdown a few years ago when I was in my early 30's. And called my office demanding I help her. Something happened at work where her mental health went sideways and she started behaving very erratically. For some reason when she called my colleague speaking nonsensically and rambling about me, my colleague decided to give her my number (!!) to take it up with me myself. My colleague said she felt bad after.</p><p>So I tried to help my mom, and spent all this time talking to her boss, her union rep, her neighbors, her doctor, trying to help her. And she just kept going crazy and being abusive, not willing to accept my help.</p><p>I washed my hands of her.</p><p>So she disowned me when she got a better family and then I tried to help her but she tried to take me down with her.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/lazarus870/" target="_blank">Lazarus870</a></p>
<p>Unfortunately, most of these situations come out of something completely traumatic. Here are a few of the most heart-wrenching stories.</p>
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This mother is a monster.
<p>I was told by my mother that my general existence causes more problems than it solves, and I had two weeks to either leave or kill myself. She didn't care which I chose to do, but if I killed myself I needed to make it look like an accident or she couldn't collect on my life insurance. She decided this needed to happen because I'm disabled.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/alchemicals/" target="_blank">Alchemicals</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Screw that mess, indeed.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwMDY4MC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxOTA2MjU0MX0.n131ClXLEFf7zJlsU81cnGvFDmY3hpXFsPud2V1_XxE/img.gif?width=980" id="e1c11" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5e6939807d6cc78a7e46681e1b29188a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" />Sad Murdoch Mysteries GIF by Ovation TVGiphy<p>My dad. It was mostly my decision because we used to do hard drugs when I was a kid. Growing up I thought it was normal until friends found out and told me they were worried about me. I first overdosed when I was 14 from drugs he gave me and let me just say it was all downhill from there. </p><p>I'm 13 years sober now but I kicked him out of my life around the same time. My dad still says horrible things about me and his whole family believes him... so I cut them all out. It's definitely for the better as I have created my own family with supportive friends. Screw that mess.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/jessvszombies/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jessvszombies</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>I was disowned but probably by my own choice.</p><p>Father died when I was 18. I gave up college to look after him drive him to hospital every other day for tests. He went to hypno sessions I would sit for hours waiting for him. I did it all. My brother was never to be seen he was away living his life. Mother was a heavy drinker. I still lived at home my brother didn't. I was left to put up with drunk abuse from my mum losing her husband of 30yrs.</p><p>I looked the double of my dad so for some reason she took it out on me. Or this is what people told me. Changed locks on me after coming home from work all the time and I was stuck. Claimed I was stealing from her. Telling everyone lies about me it was horrible. Nightly abuse shouting at me accusing me of nonsense while drunk. I tried to help but she didn't want to know. Used to call police on me claiming all sorts. They would turn up see my mum being drunk and me in my room chilling and tell her off.</p><p>Was very toxic. My brother wasn't interested he was 4 years older than me and just didn't care. Never visited me or my mum. I begged for help and he was just a coward.</p>
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<p>One day a friend had a room come up for rent so I packed stuff and just left. She was shocked and surprised. But was the best thing. I used to try keep in touch but just got abuse. Drunken phone calls and threats.</p><p>I was 21 at this point and was expecting a child with my partner so decided I had had enough. I cut all ties.</p><p>Cue my brother realising my mum had lots of money from my dads retirement and life insurance. Becomes my mums best friend. She buys him everything. Effectively making a deal with the devil. And is scared to talk to me incase she finds out.</p><p>Long story short years later turns out my mum had throat cancer he just didn't tell me about until she choked and died suddenly one day. And I get left a voicemail telling me as much. Attended the funeral through gritted teeth.</p>
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<p>And then found out I was nowhere on the will. And my brother got the lot. A substantial amount. And I never heard from him again to this day it's been 5 years since my mum died and he just vanished.</p><p>I was told I could fight it but that wasn't me. I was never about the money unlike my brother.</p><p>And I live hoping he comes knocking one day and needs a kidney so I can tell him to go away kindly.</p><p>Family and money is a horrible situation. And I live daily thinking I did something wrong and I can't put my finger on what it was to be treated this way and it haunts me and has left me with many issues.</p><p>The wrong family member died first my dad was a gentleman and looking back put up with horrible abuse from my mum. I was like my dad and my brother was like my mum.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Boothshaq/" target="_blank">Boothshaq</a></p>
<p>Sometimes being disowned is over beliefs, or something someone can’t control. Usually these people end up better off at the end, to be honest.</p>
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Very culty.
<p>I was a Jehovah's Witness, and I started asking the wrong questions.</p><p>There is now several hundred people that watched me grow up, the only social circle I was allowed to have, that must pretend I don't exist if they ever see me.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/excusetheblood/" target="_blank">Excusetheblood</a><br></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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WTF to all of this.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTcwMDY5Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODE2NzY4N30.jnPPGZOY8r2ocnAZwVQS3RG2rWB-8IJ4l2FsHKAraWQ/img.gif?width=980" id="668cd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="dea203429b9f16653755bcfac9e60e41" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="280" />britney spears GIFGiphy<p>Where do I start?</p><p>My mother and I have never gotten along. As a child she has been overly critical of me (Asian parent). Even when I was small I remember her telling my Dad "If she can't even cut in a straight line what can she even do?!". I was 5 when she said that. When she realized that I was not going to grow up like she did or have the interests she wanted me to have she grew more critical of me. She laid of a bit when my little sister came around and she favored her more. I always felt like I was never enough in her eyes. She only was affectionate during family get togethers, vacations or sometimes in public.</p><p>When I came out of the closet, she didn't believe me. She always said lightheartedly that she would love me no matter what but when push came to shove my bi-ness was just a phase. We then went to church for the next few months afterwards (I was catholic). When I hit depression in my teens each time she picked me up from therapy she always kept asking "When am I going to be ok" or hinting how much my sessions are while on anti-depressants. She then cheated on my dad when I was around 18. When I had my son, she came to be supportive after the birth but ended up critisizing how dirty my place was, my parenting and subtly hinted at calling CPS. Post partum hit hard and a failed suicide attempt ensued.</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>What broke the camels back was I was visiting family and her mother's partner kept on making me uncomfortable. Kept trying to don my child with a certain political hat and took video of her saying political stuff I was not ok with. Kept saying I was uncomfortable but was told "You need to take the stick out of your @ss" or "You need to learn to take a joke." The behavior still continued. Then a big confrontation happened and she denied everything of my childhood. My mother said she can't control her partner, he does what he wants despite us telling her its not ok. She then stated and begged for me to get help. I mentally broke. I'm in therapy now but right now I don't know if I can take it if something like this happens again. I am just thankful for my support system now.</p><p>I'm probably missing some stuff but at this moment i'm thankful for who I have in my life and that I'm alive.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/KittyThinksThings55/" target="_blank">KittyThinksThings55</a></p>
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Good riddance.
<p>My biological father is an abusive alcoholic, but also super Christian? And super redneck conservative. He gave up his rights when I was 4, which my mom always told me was for the best. After I found out I was pregnant, he added me on social media and saw where I had shared some posts with pro-choice views. I guess it bothered him because he blocked me lol</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Emotional-Fruit/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Emotional-Fruit</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_14" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Overall, getting disowned sucks, but in the long haul, it can be for the best. People leave our lives for a reason, and it's usually because they're really freakin' toxic. So if you're going through this, know that it will get better, and you will grow stronger from it.</p><p>Surround yourself with the people who love you. Family doesn't have to be blood related</p>
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People Divulge The Exact Moment They Realized Their Workplace Was Toxic
January 12 | 2021
Leaving a stable job is a weighty choice. Good salary, benefits, friendships with co-workers, and room for upward growth are all factors that may entice someone to stay put.
<p>But sometimes those positive elements can cloud a person's vision.</p><p>In fact, there may be a slew of factors that make the job absolutely miserable, and they're all being silenced by a person's focus on the positives. </p><p>But then, in a single instant, the cons outshine the pros: a manager does something stupid or unfair, "legal" begins to seem like an optional concept to the higher ups, or somebody in the office is just plain inappropriate. </p><p>Suddenly, there is clarity. The only drawback? Realizing that maybe the person should've listened to their gut a little sooner. </p><p>Expwar asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"When was the moment you realized your workplace was toxic?"</a><br></p>
<p>Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter <a href="https://mailchi.mp/knowable/knowable-newsletter-in-content" target="_blank">here</a>. </p>
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A Constellation of Toxic Variables
<p>"I had a job where my girlfriend's Mother was my boss, so I guess the moment I realized my workplace was toxic was when my girlfriend cheated on me and then my girlfriend's Mom hired the guy she cheated on me with."</p><p>"In hindsight, probably more than just the workplace was toxic."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7pjez?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">the-cschnepf</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Mafia Ethics
<p>"When someone was called into the manager's office, then returned to box up their desk and leave. When I asked the manager if she was okay, I was told, 'We don't talk about people after they leave.'"</p><p>"If someone quit or was fired, they were just never mentioned again. It was creepy AF."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7mltv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">solar-shock</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Power Hunger
<p>"They fired a new father the day before Christmas eve because he missed a month of work due to his wife getting very sick after giving birth, he didn't try to get medical leave or anything because he was worried about his wife and taking care of his newborn."</p><p>"Second one was when I sat in on a leadership meeting, I worked at the time as almost a bridge between two sides of the company and all the leaders did was gossip about their employees and talk about who they wished they could get rid of, and who annoyed them."</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><br>"One of them was a new leader and they were friends with these people a month ago."</p><p>"The meeting was about how to improve morale on the floor and the end result was a competition for a 25 gift card to the company store that is nothing but company apparel that no one wants anyway... it didn't work."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7p9g5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Earthwick</a></p>
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Look at Your Shoes, Look at Your Shoes
<p>"When our boss got into a screaming match with one of the managers (his daughter) in the middle of the office."</p><p>"I'd just started there 3 weeks ago and it was absolutely mind boggling to watch. I looked around at my coworkers and everyone was just looking away, doing their best to stay quiet and not look at either of them."</p><p>"Person at the desk next to mine saw my shocked face and whispered 'they do this a lot. Just ignore it.'"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7yvje?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">thrown12212020</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Incentives All Out of Whack
<p>"One of my job's metrics for how our performance is graded by is 'on time departure.' We get so many points if we're within -10, -5, 0, 5 or 10 min from scheduled."</p><p>"People try to cheat by tampering with the clocks and that's a punishable offense."</p><p>"I was good at leaving early or on time most of the times. Got a call one day to warn me that I was under investigation because I had the most points in the company."</p><p>"They assumed that I was cheating, that's when I knew I had to go. I wasn't going to start being late to avoid repercussions."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7wysz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">wearsAtrenchcoat</a></p>Skipping Town
<p>"We reached a point where we regularly had to wait to cash our paychecks. We basically were told we had to get orders completed and paid for, in order for the account to have enough money to pay us."</p><p>"During this time, the boss went on a vacation which was <em>just great</em> for morale."</p><p>"My manager had to take a day off, effectively putting me in charge for the day. I texted my manager, 'What should I do if the IRS shows up? lol.' 2 hours later an IRS agent did stop in looking for my boss."</p><p>"I found a new job not long after."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi80dp5?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ghost-0427</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Left Out in the Wild
<p>"I once got asked if a wanted a different position, away from coding, into project management. I said, okay, if you help me set it up and give some guidance."</p><p>"The next week I got a project, through a binder being placed on my desk and the words, this is your project, good luck. Before I could react, they were out the door."</p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><br>"I had a hard time getting projects started, worked on common sense and some help from coworkers taking pity on me. I made a checklist for software deployments, for instance, but when I told in a rare department meeting that I made such a checklist, I was told sternly not to waste time on stuff I couldn't charge customers with."</p><p>"After the confusing meeting, several coworkers asked me for a copy of the useful list... It still took me some 2 years of working 60+ hours a week, to make my way out the door. (And got a 65% raise starting the next job.)"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7to1m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">gozba</a></p>
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"Hurtful For This Man to Hear..."
<p>"A couple of female coworkers went to the HR manager to file a complaint about sexism in the workplace, related to the same guy."</p><p>"They got told by the HR manager and their boss that the company wasn't gonna do anything about it, because it would be very hurtful for this man to hear that his behaviour was wrong..."</p><p>"Later when some anonymous survey showed that employees were really not as happy as they(company) were claiming on social media, and people even felt discriminated against in the workplace..."</p><p>"...they brushed it under the carpet saying people were just too stressed when they filled in the survey, like that is not a problem on its own."</p><p>"Many more of these kinds of things, but that's defo when I realised I had to get out."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7woii?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">uselessacount4ever</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Terminally Mixed Messages
<p>"In college I had a part time job at a big retailer selling appliances. They would generally have a promo of either 0% financing or free delivery, one or the other but not both."</p><p>"That being said, there was a workaround where we could still give people both, and multiple members of our management team told us that if that was the only way to get the sale to do it."</p><p>"2 months later they fired half the department for doing what we were told to do. I quit right after that."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7vy12?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Marijuanavich</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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NOT Your Fixer
<p>"When a boss told me to go to the port to bribe the officials there to release several containers of materials for the hotel we were building."</p><p>"I did not (and neither did that chickensh**)."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/kr5li2/when_was_the_moment_you_realized_your_workplace/gi7ph9j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">BillionTonsHyperbole</a></p>
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A niche community often arises organically. At it's best, a web of bonds in real life or on the internet establishes a safe space for people that share a common interest or life-defining characteristic.
<p>But such a community, based so directly on a the presence of an essential detail held by all members, inherently includes a boundary. The space is only a space if it has an edge that defines it. </p><p>Often, that's no problem. The members of a community celebrate that contained spirit while allowing the boundary to be permeable to new members and well-meaning people who respect the space. </p><p>Some communities, however, are not so permeable. Their boundary line is stark, guarded aggressively, and makes non-members keenly aware of their place outside the group. </p><p>And most surprisingly, these gatekept, even toxic communities often exist to provide support for a very wholesome and vulnerable cause. </p><p>Filmologic asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">"What's the most surprisingly toxic community?"</a></p>
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A Good Thing Gone Too Far
<p>"As a Personal Trainer and someone who basically lives in the gym, it would have to be the Fitness Community."</p><p>"While it is incredibly important to include fitness as part of your life, I see far too many people in my gym take it to illogical extremes."</p><p>"From drug use, to using the gym as a means to avoid their families, spending up 5 hours or more in here, there's lots of unhealthy behavior that goes on in here."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6xz24f?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">KJR506</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Cliques of Oral History
<p>"I was most surprised by the toxicity of an online community devoted to the history and memories of my home town. I thought it was going to be about people's reminiscences, interesting tidbits of information and old photos, but it turned out to be a lot of sniping and politics."</p><p>"There was a core group, kind of like the cool kids and they would have get togethers and inside jokes and they treated everyone else like they thought they were losers."</p><p>"It was very high school - actually worse."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6y0k7y?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Paddlingmyboat</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Arbitrary Designations of Legitimacy
<p>"It breaks my heart to say this: the disability community. The amount of gate-keeping is ridiculous and insane."</p><p>"Example: I take pills for a condition that is psychiatric in nature, but has physical side affects if I'm not medicated (drowsiness, hand trembles, shaky leg, compulsive picking). I've repeatedly been told that it's not a 'real disability' because I have it under control, or worse yet, it's 'in my head.'"</p><p>"Not cool, man."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yuw3i?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">skynolongerblue</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Wheel Hierarchies
<p>"Bicycling. My ex has a bmx repair business, mostly for kids, and the amount of hate he receives from road cyclists is unfathomable. Not just online, but on trails and in bike lanes too."</p><p>"How little scope do you have when you're willing to run someone into traffic because you don't like their style of bike? Then try to high-five your friend about it?"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yamef?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Laynebutnotlayne</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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When Hate Gets Hold of It
<p>"The RuPaul's Drag Race fandom."</p><p>"What started as a bi***y distraction for gay men has turned into a phenomenon for sanctimonious straight teenagers who are either hysterical sycophants or obnoxious racists."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6y9hbi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DoneDidThisGirl</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Sexism in the Gaming Community
<p>"Gamers! Some man feel threatened by woman and they begin doing anything to kick hem out of the community."</p><p>"I've seen some exposing the girls personal life like photos, affairs, jobs in order to make them feel embarrassed enough to leave the games."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6ydk4m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">soloamotu</a></p>Snooty Sellers
<p>"Poshmark. I'm a full-time seller on poshmark and mercari, and my God do some other sellers have a god complex."</p><p>"Poshmark allows buyers to offer on items and a lot of sellers take every offer (low ball or a reasonable offer) as a personal insult and will either blast the potential buyer or just straight up block them."</p><p>"Some sellers have a 'no response' self policy, where if someone asks a question they refuse to answer because they see it as a waste of their precious time..."</p><p>"...now I understand some buyers ask too many questions with no intention of buying but that's just how customer service is baby, sometimes you gotta answer stupid questions!"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6xxvwb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ladies_and_jellyfish</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Inaccessible Storytelling
<p>"Dungeons and Dragons."</p><p>"You would think that nerds bonding together over something as wonderfully silly as pretending to be Dwarves and Elves wouldn't breed toxicity, but many of them are not only snobby but extremely elitist about how they prefer to run the games."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6ybnhv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ASDirect</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Ironic Intolerance
<p>"The kink communities in some cities."</p><p>"They say they're all about acceptance and everything rosy but can be a toxic cesspool of cliques and power-hungry narcissists."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6xv6n1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">JonSnowsdirtyd***</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
"Local"
<p>"Surfers. There are cases where someone gets beat the sh** out of/their car wrecked simply for surfing a spot whilst not being a 'local.'" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yukj4?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">FormerGoat1</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Was looking for this one. Everyone thinks it's all laid back and chill but in the water surfers are aggressive, selfish, and hostile to beginners."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"At certain crowded spots (i.e. spots in Santa Cruz) I'll count my session as a win if I go the entire time without some old guy or 'local' getting mad at me for some dumb sh**." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6zhqjp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Franklin-D-Bluth</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Aggressive Rascals
<p>Most kid game that have chat features. Club penguin, Roblox, wizards 101, etc."</p><p>"Usually if younger children are involved heavily in a games community I usually see a ton of racism and just plain hatred."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yspnb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">RTwistedReadsYT</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Head on a Swivel Out There
<p>"kpop. idk if it's a no-brainer to y'all now but when I joined I had no idea. the amount of cancel culture, bullying, gas-lighting, sh** talking... it made me so uncomfortable."</p><p>"I did not want to be associated with people who send death threats to others who don't like kpop or harass their idols. it makes me so angry and sad that the community is what it is..." </p><p>"....because I still enjoy some bands and songs. and I also feel bad that the people with actual healthy love for the genre and bands are ashamed to like what they like because of the shitty ass people."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6ys14m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">NoodleBooOwO</a></p>Allegations of Overstepping
<p>"PETA. They claim to be the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals but they tried to get Pokemon banned which is a fictional video game about collecting monsters (has nothing to do with animals). They also want to turn the whole world vegan."</p><p>"If they actually stuck to their core values of protecting animals they might actually be taken more seriously."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yqkyp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">judas_crypt</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Hiking Wrong
<p>"Literally, Outdoors."</p><p>"Ever try to go on a quick run or a nice hike with an outdoorsy friend or relative? Or possibly even date?"</p><p>"Don't have the right shoes or expensive gear. Don't have the right drinks because water isn't enough anymore. Don't use the right running technique (whatever that means, I learned to run when I was 3 and never looked back)."</p><p>"And don't even TRY to find a nice serene place in nature that isn't gatekept by someone who thinks they own the land. It's outrageous."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6zcwih?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Crowroth</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Becoming the Enemy
<p>"Atheists (and I am one.)"</p><p>"If a major problem with organized religion is that it's very tribal (which it is), organized atheism has turned itself into just another tribe. One more version of 'us' against a different kind of 'them'. That's not an improvement."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g707df0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Hysterical_Realist</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Prevention of Vulnerability
<p>"Men to other men. Honestly it's sad how many men try and make others feel like sh**." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6xxj0r?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lethal_bizzle94</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Not surprising" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6yhx79?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Thoughtitwouldlast</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"I think there's a fine line between ball busting and actual hatred. Also guys don't hold grudges much at all" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g70ocmt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Wes_Bugg</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Only Advice for the Tight Coils
<p>"Curly hair community. Gate-keeping is real. If you have loose, wavy curls or a mixed baby and you're trying to get some curly girl help online.... beware."</p><p>"They're coming for you."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g70ra0h?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bigmamaindahouse</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_14" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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DRAMA
<p>"Community theater toxicity caught me off guard when I got into it in my town. Lots of ego, casting drama, and super right wing people with shi**y views."</p><p>"That last one is the one that got me the most. Maybe it's just a Florida thing but you'd figure that people into doing musicals wouldn't be the 'all lives matter,' 'I disagree with gay marriage' types regardless."</p><p>"Not everyone thankfully, my closest friends also came from doing it"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/j19pcp/whats_the_most_surprisingly_toxic_community/g6y92hb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">IniMiney</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_15" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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When the children of toxic parents grow into capable adults, parental control gives way to a new friction. The kid, fully grown, presents a sudden equal force, one with opinions and words and a mouth.
<p>That confrontation, where a child finally speaks up after dealing with a toxic parent for so many months or years, can produce a variety of results.</p>
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<p>Successfully reforming a parent's approach over the course of an argument is nearly impossible. But it has been known to happen, and a Reddit thread gives some evidence.</p><p>Generally, though, things go POORLY.</p><p>A flaw or criticism, even when presented lovingly, is hard to hear about. And that difficulty ramps up when the person delivering the criticism is your own flesh and blood, the very person you raised.</p><p>So, most confrontations take the form of a whole constellation of emotions. Anger, denial, blame, and irrelevant counter-criticisms are all common approaches.</p><p>i- wanna-see-it-all asked, <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">"People who have confronted their parents about their toxic behavior, how did it go?"</a></p>
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Never Too Old to Gaslight
<p>"Either 'that didn't happen, you're making it up' or 'that didn't happen that way, you're remembering it wrong.' I'm still relearning to trust my own memory because I spent thirty years being constantly gaslighted."</p><p>"Now I just go to therapy and keep conversations with my parents nice and light and surface-y. Saves a lot of trouble."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtv23z?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">seriouslaser</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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One and Done
<p>"My father had, over the years, developed an 'I call, you come to where I am' set of mind. I was at my parent's house for the weekend from college. I was a senior, and was close to graduating. I had worked hard. My parents weren't able to contribute to higher education."</p><p>"I was in the house talking with my mother, and I hear him whistling for me to come to him. I continued my conversation with my mother." </p><p>"He whistled again. My mother advised me to go see what he wanted. I told her it wasn't going to hurt him to wait or come in here if he really wants me, and we continued our previous conversation."</p><p>"He came stomping into the house, and demanding to know if I heard him. I told him I did. He asked why didn't I come then. I asked him if he expected me to come to him like a dog whenever whistled."</p><p>"From the look on his face, I don't think it had ever crossed his mind that he was treating me that way. It was something he never did again."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtwfeh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">spamgolem</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_3" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Trickle Down Theory of Trauma
<p>"My brother and I sat down with our dad with our grandfather as a mediator to explain the effects of his verbal and emotional abuse through the years. I cried the whole time as I explained that I had almost killed myself earlier that week by driving off a bridge because I couldn't take it."</p><p>"His response? 'Well, my father beat me. So really, you're getting the better end of it. It could be soooo much worse. This is just how it goes. You guys are going to do the same thing to your kids too, and they might be the ones to break the cycle, but there's nothing you can do about it.' "</p><p>"My brother and I said f*** that and immediately jumped into counseling and dismissed him as a father figure and sought new men we could trust."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru0j37?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">otterchan</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Grasping at Straws
<p>"Just as unsatisfying as you'd expect."</p><p>"Cried. Played the victim. Made excuses. The apologized. A week later pretended nothing happened & went off on me for not forgetting everything when she apologized."</p><p>"She's very mentally ill."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru1m92?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">kendiesel937</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_5" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Varying Degrees of Success
<p>"My mother wasn't really toxic but emotionally distant. When I had a heart to heart with her, she hugged me and we cried together. Our relationship has greatly improved."</p><p>"My dad is super toxic. When I tried to have a serious talk with him about the damage he's done he was adamant that he did nothing wrong. He even laughed when I told him that I was suicidal in the past because of him."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtt1hs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">SomeVelvetSundown</a></p>“The Fear Killer of My Life”
<p>"Bio Father: scared the holy sh** out of me most of my life. The day I called him on his abusive, drug addicted, alcohol dependent ways and was able to look him dead in the eye with a 'F***. You' was the most liberating, fear killer of my life."</p><p>"Mom, she's struggled with her own mental illnesses most of her life. Those eventually got projected on to me. Morality doesn't come from stone half-a**ed religious belief. Self-medication isn't a healthy coping mechanism. I stood my ground, explained how she was being a goddamned a**hole, and ever since we've been on great terms."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fruc3n3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">TheRevSev</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Layers of Toxic
<p>"It's never gone well. Alcoholism is terrifying to confront." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtxeio?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">CantHandleFacts</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"It is. They almost always get violent." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frv7jxz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">dontniceguyatme</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_7" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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An Established Theme
<p>"They'd rather gaslight their own child than own up to anything." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru07tr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">RoadFlowerVIP</a></p><p>"I just did. I was screamed at, I'm pretty sure gaslighted? Said I was being dramatic and stupid, immature. Lazy (severely depressed) and snippy (extreme anxiety and ptsd because of said parents) It hasn't been a good day." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtymey?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">youraverageslytherin</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
The Brick Wall Kind of Confrontation
<p>"Got angry, swore at me, cursed my existence, the usual toxic parent stuff." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtszaw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">GarunixReborn</a><span></span></p><p>"Well, I haven't talked to my dad in over 3 years, so I'd say it went alright." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtypn6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">puffmonkey92</a></p><p>"Well, I haven't spoken to my mother in damn near 10 years." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtygpp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Satanicbuttmechanic</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_8" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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The Twilight Zone of Arguments
<p>"Horribly. I've tried multiple times and it only results in circulate conversations where it's all turned around on me and I'm left feeling like I'm crazy."</p><p>"We'll go from me saying I feel x when you do x and then I'm being told I'm lying about example x because I told a lie 18 years ago."</p><p>"The topic changes a thousand times, we wind up yelling at each other, and then my parent will suddenly pretend to understand after all, I'll hear all about how loved I am, then after I leave I realize there was no apology and no resolution to what happened at all."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frtya6w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">69schrutebucks</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p><strong><em>If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).</em></strong></p><p><em>To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at </em><a href="https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/" target="_blank">https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/</a></p>
That's One Way to Take It
<p>"He moved to a bunker up north and keeps trying to convince me that we're living in the end times." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fruev2h?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">waitforaberrymuffin</a><span></span></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Oh, glad it's nothing too crazy then." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frxm94j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">i-wanna-see-it-all</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Toxicity In Multiple Directions
<p>"My mom. She went to rehab got kicked out after a few days for harassing other patients, came home harassed me and then took off. Have blocked her out of my life since."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru0684?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">[deleted]</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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A Disproportionate Response
<p>"Not great. When my dad picked a fight with me over the fact that I moved out (wtf) I told him the reason I moved out of the house was because of his toxic behavior."</p><p>"Dad flipped his sh**, said I was an ungrateful selfish spoiled brat with a personality disorder and that I was brain controlling my mother and sister. He was <em>literally</em> screaming and frothing at the mouth. It was terrifying."</p><p>"All because an 18 year old with a full time job decided to move out. Yeesh."</p><p>"On the plus side, Mom started to realize just how awful he was. They've since divorced and now none of us talk to him aside from occasional holiday cards. It's a huge improvement!"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fruife2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Moldy_slug</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Finally Some Good News
<p>"It went better than expected. My mom had a moment of self-realization and had never realized the effect she had on me. She apologized and has since changed her behavior."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru8kyl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Cheyenne5555</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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When the Eight Year Old is More Mature
<p>"My dad was throwing a fit because I called his behaviour nonsense. He didn't let go and was sulking all day. I got tired of his BS and said sorry. I was 8." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru14u1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Gmax100</a></p><p style="margin-left: 40px;">"My dad is just like that; entitled, always takes anger out on whoever the Hell it is closest to him, always plays the victim, etc. We mostly get along well, and always bond over video games, movies, etc., but I'm thankful him & my mother broke up when I was born; there's no way I could handle living with him." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/fru9w70?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">EloquentScumbag69</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_14" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Utterly Deflating
<p>"They thought I was joking." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frucb6s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">bbthatguy</a><span></span></p><p>"I was honest with them as a teenager. They just laughed at me." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frual2v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">blizzaga1988</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Same." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frusyv6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">sydude_365</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_15" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Brutal Honesty
<p>"When I was trying to find a job as a teen, I was chubby. And very unhappy about it."</p><p>"My dad used to ask me what jobs I applied to, how much it paid, etc. And then one day he told me, 'When you hand in your application, tell them it may not look like you work hard, but you really do.' "</p><p>"I was so crushed, that my dad had such a low opinion of me. I tried to tell him how that made me feel, but he just laughed it off. That was a long time ago and we're still not close. For that comment and many other reasons."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frudc53?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">whocares023</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_16" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Hard Work After the Confrontation
<p>"Back when I was around 12 or 13 my mom uses to be in a horrible mood and scream at us for little to no reason. This mostly was caused by stress. I would sometimes wake up with anxiety attacks and nightmares of her."</p><p>"Sometimes she got physical about it but usually it was just the "u are a disappointment" etc. At some point I just got so tired of it that I just snapped. We got into a big fight, didn't talk for a few weeks."</p><p>"After my father realized what was going on he decided to contact a therapist. We now (22 currently) are fine and have decent relation."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gqnr4c/serious_people_who_have_confronted_their_parents/frufn8w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">UnclesPoopsock</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_17" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "<img alt="🤐" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/W-yTcmAjhJjSzL3OTSYBvFglsAmkZmImVe_IjNZmamokJnLZbz3qBuyaHruz8VRMyzjfqz28RsQF_GC8VSxTZD7onkLY-yaaR7VjpGxigPy-n0OIvc4PtMdoGalukukqhbPTz9zF">" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.</p>
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Photographed and edited by Janos Csongor Kerekes / Getty Images
They say the first step in fixing a problem is admitting that you have one - but for a lot of people that's pretty much impossible when the "problem" is themselves. Self reflection and recognizing toxic traits is hard. Like, really hard.
<p>Having said that, it's also one of the most useful things you can do as you grow. Can't evolve as a person if you're too busy convinced you have no flaws, ya know? </p><p>Reddit user srg6 asked: </p><h1><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/" target="_blank">What's a toxic trait you have?</a></h1><img alt="" src="https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/img/renderTimingPixel.png"><p>Quite a few brave and honest people spoke up, and here is what they had to say about their own toxicity. </p>
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No Motivation
<p>I don't have the motivation to finish things. I'm always excited to start something, but then lose interest.</p><p>It's affected a few friendships where I lost the motivation to stay in touch with people, not because we grew apart, but because I naturally became detached.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y7gng?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">JDlovesElliott</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_36" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Negativity
<p>I tend to talk more about things that I hate or that annoy me than things I love or make me happy. Very damaging to forming new relationships. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y7ak7?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">sugarcuberyan</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_2" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>Same. To help fix this, my therapist told me to start a Gratitude Journal, to help me gain a more positive mindset.</p><p>You get some paper, or your diary, etc., and write at least one thing you're grateful for. It can be anything, and you do this every day. You can even write down events that made you happy/some other positive emotion. It's really helped me with the way I think and the way I talk. I hope this helps you too! </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3z9c6v?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">AislingQuinn</a></p>
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Racism
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjAyNzQzMi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NjIxMzU3OH0.Zf-fwNSeVxA8X36v-LW3teqabLYuM-CxGpLCwbo4QBY/img.gif?width=980" id="8046f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5f3428e7e8f5d442d9f29d8facf8e9a3" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Giphy<p>Because of the environment I was raised in, I am quite bigoted and racist - but I'm working on it now that I have moved away from home. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y1mvz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">cambnz</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_4" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>I used to be this way. Then, in an effort to change, I took a racial minorities class in college. Excepting myself and one other student, the other 100 or so students and the professor all belonged to minorities. It was eye-opening to have the tables turned.</p><p>Most of them did not like white people- as evidenced by class discussions. A lot of it was justified. But it was scary being on the other end of things. While I learned a lot, I dreaded going to that class because it felt like everyone hated me and my race. Really put everything in perspective.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3yco56?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">floorwantshugs</a></p>
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Empathy Issues
<p>I have a really difficult time reacting emotionally to somebody who is sad/upset/crying. I have no issue laughing when somebody else is, or mad when somebody else is. But I cannot relate on an emotional level when I see sadness. That part of my brain never fires.</p><p>-<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y77yp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank"> legitmuffins</a></p>Overly Aggressive
<p>I'm overly aggressive at everyone. I don't mean it and it's something I've been working on for awhile.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y12p2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">StrongPainter</a></p><p><br></p><p>Try reading <em>The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck</em></p><p>I'm not aggressive towards people but bottled up a lot of anger and while I still do this, this book has helped me a lot. This is the second post today regarding toxic behaviors that I have seen on here and realizing that I am toxic as well.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3ys41r?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Chainz4Dayz</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_6" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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<p>The art of not giving a f*ck is something I have yet to acquire! The last time I overdid it and ended up not giving a f*ck about anything, then I had to adjust to giving at least a little f*ck about stuff that's important and then I circled back into giving way too many f*cks. It's about the right amount of not giving a f*ck. (My brain is GREAT!)</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3ynmga?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">doed</a></p>
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Wrong
<p>I can't admit I'm wrong. Sometimes I genuinely don't think I'm wrong. Sometimes I do. But sometimes I think people are too sensitive. Or they say something rude and expect me not to be rude back. Toxic, I know.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y10fg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">plumbott</a></p><p>I think this toxicity is a little deeper than just feeling you're right. It seems to me your ego might be a bit bloated, where regardless of whether or not you're right takes a back seat to how you perceive the "worthiness" of the person you're talking with of being right or not; your territory.</p><p>You may have a lot to work on. I hope you're young.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y84ng?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">lankypiano</a></p><div data-conversation-spotlight style="min-height:90px"></div>
<p>Sometimes in heated arguments, I can get clearly proven wrong yet still somehow "feel" (emotionally) that I'm right and consequently can't fully/genuinely admit that I'm wrong. That stupid irrational sense of "being right" always passes after a night's sleep or 12 hours (whichever happens first), but it can take a while.</p><p>I'm getting better, and I'm working on it, but yeah, that's where I'm at.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3yfbgr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">probablyhrenrai</a></p>
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Unhealthy Insecurity
<p>A 4 year relationship with my ex that ended in her cheating killed any and all trust I had in anyone. I've gotten much better over time, but even today when my wife or I have to travel for work, that feeling is always in the back of my head and it can get unhealthy sometimes.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y3div?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">dirtybirds233</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_9" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Prcrastination
<p>Procrastination. </p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y5f8t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Limp_Distribution</a></p><p>I have this, as well as being forgetful. Meaning I just put things off indefinitely. I am completely blissful. Those around me, not so much.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y9mlr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Djin045</a></p>Daddy Issues
<p>Seeking male approval and feeling anxious if I don't. I need the approval of male authority figures due to my absent father and it bothers me to the point that if I think a male authority figure doesn't like me, I obsess over it. Also, I can't develop feelings for men because I'm afraid of rejection so I convince myself any guy that likes me actually doesn't. Daddy issues suck.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y4tvh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">WhyY_196</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_10" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Being A Hater
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjAyNzQyOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNjkzMDYwNn0.M114YCpl8Lb7P-9DHX5YVqiwp6pcluYCWg3Z90b9gpg/img.gif?width=980" id="134e2" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e855ef05fb36cad25addbb256422b7ed" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Giphy<p>I think it's from some deeply embedded insecurity, but when I see a girl that's more attractive than me I automatically dislike her. Also, when I'm planning on doing/making something and I see somebody else do/make it really well, I get super salty. Both of these I'm able to talk myself down in my head and make myself start thinking clearly again, but It's embarrassing that my brain makes these jumps to begin with.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y9aj6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">ooglecat</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_11" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Pathological
<p>I'm a pathological liar. It isn't nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm really proud of how far I've come with it, but to this day like, if I'm telling a story or talking to you I'll do little exaggerations for no reason. </p><p>For example like if I got 3 hours of sleep last night and I'm complaining about it to you, I'll say 2 hours just to make it sound better, and you know who cares if it's 2 or 3 the story is the same. It's like a tick I can't get rid of and I feel awful whenever I do it.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3yi2bu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">agarwaen_11</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_12" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Parental Pessimism
<p>As much as I despise my parents, I realize I am growing up and becoming more like them. The one trait I get from them is pessimism. All they think about any decision is what can go wrong and I catch myself doing the same thing, despite working hard on not being like that. </p><p>It's okay to prepare for the worst, but that shouldn't hold you back in every decision you make. You shouldn't expect the worst outcome every time.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3yaerv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">AfghanHokie</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_13" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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Amazingly Apathetic
<p>Apathy.</p><p>If I like you, you're my bro and I'm here to help!</p><p>If I don't, I wouldn't give a crap if you were staring down the barrel of starvation with kids and pets involved, I wouldn't want to lift a finger to help you.</p><p>Not a lot of grey area...</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3y7uvb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">Mr_Mori</a></p><p>I'm very apathetic. I honestly couldn't care less about anyone's day, but I feign interest in them very skillfully so that they take interest in me in return.</p><p>- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/dismux/whats_a_toxic_trait_you_have/f3yao5k?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x" target="_blank">yungscooter30</a></p><div class="ad-tag" data-ad-name="In_Content_Responsive_14" style="min-height:280px"></div>
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