We all need to love ourselves.
And is very important to put ourselves and our happiness first.
Self-love is a vital part of the human existence.
But some people really need to examine the behavior that they deem as "self-care."
Self-care doesn't belittle others.
And it acknowledges the line between confidence and arrogance.
Redditor redhead_in_red wanted to hear about the ways in which choosing "Me First" can actually be a detriment.
So they asked:
"What's some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?"
The telling it like it is crew always gets me.
There is truth and the way you say it.
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"If they can't handle my worst, they don't deserve my best,' funny how those people are always at their 'worst.'"
"I consider anyone who ever says this to be radioactive, so I stay miles away. I remember being on dating sites and some women using that in their info. Automatic nope... lol."
"Advice to Surround yourself only with positive people, if you're willing to cut people from the your life when they are a bit down, that's a recipe for people hiding the negatives in their life from friends, only discussing the positive and having mostly superficial friendships, for fear of you being cut out of their lives."
"Not saying you need to keep people in your life who are treating you badly, but we all go through times when we are up and times when we are down, friends give you thier time through both."
“'Always trust your feelings.'”
"This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change."
"I always took this as 'trust your gut,' meaning 'trust your instinct.' We describe it as a feeling but it's actually thought, memory, and sensation/feeling - not an emotion. And this definitely gets lost in our collective game of telephone."
"It's meant for things pertaining to general survival decisions, mostly. Like, a gut 'feeling' to not cross the street yet. It's a bunch of things we pick up on but can't quite put our finger on, and it is better to act without thinking on each thing and memory specifically."
"That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill."
"Unconditional support does NOT mean they go along with whatever you want. It means they care about you and support you, even when you make bad decisions. And sometimes, supporting you means telling you how it is."
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"The sort of 'positivity' that relies on dragging other people down."
"I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it's really sad."
"It doesn't solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!"
Keeping everyone afloat is part of the positive.
"It's not really advice, but it's popular for people to label themselves as 'brutally honest.'"
"Honesty is good, but beware of people who are more interested in the brutality than the honesty."
"'Live your truth.' There is a fine line between between authenticity and being an a**hole."
"I've yet to meet a person who uses 'I'm speaking my truth' who didn't clearly mean "I don't care how incorrect or hurtful what I'm about to say is; if you don't accept it you're disrespecting me."
"To clarify since some replies are bringing up specific people. I don't know much about celebrities. I was mostly thinking of a former coworker who would use the phrase constantly when being blatantly wrong but still expecting to be accommodated for her preferred reality."
Say NO... to YOU!
“'Ignore the haters.'”
"Sometimes the 'haters' are people who love you and want to warn you of potential pitfalls (such as MLMs, cults, abusive relationships, etc.)"
"Update: A few people are saying that the definition of haters is, essentially, only people who are hating for the wrong reasons. I agree that’s what this advice intends to communicate. Basically, don’t pay any attention to people who project consistent irrational negativity your way."
"My concern is that this phrase is so easily misapplied as a 'self love' mantra which ultimately serves to keep some vulnerable people from listening to the valid and well-intentioned concerns of loved ones. It can be used by a manipulative person to keep victims/vulnerable followers in line."
"I like 'haters gonna hate' better because it implies there is a pattern. Like, 'oh that person is always hating so of course they’re hating now.' But if your sister is usually supportive, and definitely not a hater by nature, and is suddenly very concerned that your relationship is abusive... listen up!"
"I think it comes down to the idea that you have (arguably) more to lose by disregarding a well-intentioned friend than by paying attention to an ill-intentioned one. I appreciated the feedback and did not find any of you to be haters. :) "
"I have a friend who is very sucked into the 'girl boss' subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing 'self care' in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self care."
"Self care and self love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn’t working and is making you miserable, even if it’s what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up."
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“'Cut off anyone that doesn’t bring you peace.'"
"Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn’t count if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them."
Well I hope some truths sink in.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.