Regrets Of Parents Who Raised Jerks
Reddit user hurricanehershel asked: 'Parents who tried their best to raise their kids to be good humans but they turned out to be jerks, what do you wish you did differently?'
It seems reasonable enough to assume that most parents would do their best to raise children who would grow up to be kind, contributing adults.
But not every kid will turn out to be the sweetest person, and hindsight can only help so much.
Redditor hurricanehershel asked:
"Parents who tried their best to raise their kids to be good humans but they turned out to be jerks, what do you wish you did differently?"
Dynamic Issues
"I'm speaking as a teacher... but I've seen wildly different siblings. I think parents need to get a handle on that dynamic. A lot of perfectionist older siblings and younger ones who can't achieve at that level and act out instead to find how they can earn attention."
- big_nothing_burger
Individual People
"People need to stop treating kids as carbon copies of their older siblings. And I say this as the eldest child who differs greatly in personality and interests from my younger sibling."
"It’s not fair to anyone, least of all the kid who has to deal with being measured by someone else’s standard."
"Everyone is their own person, including the twins I’ve known had different personalities and interests if one cared to observe."
- UnknownCitizen77
Coparenting Troubles
"Be very careful WHO you have kids with. If I could do it all over again, I would have chosen better. They ended up with one responsible parent who was completely overwhelmed trying to do the job of two people."
- heatherLovesbrandon
Get On Their Level
"I have a son who just turned five, and I can see all the hallmarks of ADHD (which I have, and most people in my family have)."
"He behaves so much like my younger sister did when she was young, and I found myself going through the cycle of bad behavior to punishment to worse behavior to worse punishment, just like my parents did with my sister."
"Recently I’ve been trying to connect with the person who I was when I was younger, when I wasn’t 'in charge,' and my sister would calm down for me and listen to me."
"It’s helping so much. I still need my kid to stop throwing s**t (makes my blood absolutely boil), but we are making progress."
"Kids are f**king exhausting and I hope I don’t end up accidentally raising an a**hole."
- embrielle
Resentful Parents
"In my opinion, the one defining characteristic of bad parents is being resentful of their own children. Resentful that they took some of their freedom, resentful of their youth, resentful of their opportunities, resentful of their intelligence, resentful of their beauty, resentful of their possessions, resentful of their education, resentful of their accomplishments, resentful of their happiness, etc."
"I think this is FAR more common than most people realize. These parents may consciously 'provide' for their kids while they unconsciously sabotage them. The kids pick up on this and end up aspiring to their parents’ unspoken expectations."
"Good parents want their kids to exceed their own achievements and, most importantly, to be happy. Good parents are empathetic to their children. They’re happy when their kids are happy. They’re sad when their kids are sad."
"Resentful parents don’t really want their kids to be happy unless they credit the parents for their happiness. No achievement belongs to the kids, but every failure does."
- scsuhockey
Going No Contact
"I wish I knew that some grandparents shouldn’t be allowed to have a relationship with a vulnerable, easily manipulated child. I wish I knew it was okay to cut people out of your life."
- comeupforairyouweirdo
Good Models and Boundaries
"I worked with youth for a while in a poorer rural part of America and in my anecdotal experience, there are two types of kids that can turn into bad humans."
"One, they've just had tough lives and no good role models. If you get to know them, you realize they are just normal kids that have never been given the tools, opportunity, or encouragement to act any differently. If no one figures out how to intervene, it becomes a pattern of life for them that spirals out of control."
"Two, kids that never suffer the consequences of their actions. They tend to have really 'nice' caregivers who have a knack for getting their kids out of trouble. When I say they don't suffer consequences, I mean literally. Their parents do their homework, their parents lie for them, their parents don't ever tell them 'no.' Their caregivers also don't supervise them but whenever anything happens, they are easily manipulated by their child and take whatever their child says as gospel truth without question."
"And although the parents don't supervise their children, they seem all too willing to give them everything their child asks for (within the confines of their economic class). The caregivers are somehow both emotionally neglectful but also always there to help their child out of a jam. In a way that feels like they want to be manipulated by their child."
"Kids in the first category will do something bad and you go, 'How could they be so stupid?'"
"When kids in the second category do something bad, your reaction is, 'It's only a matter of time before they kill someone.'"
"I knew a lot of young adults that got in trouble with the law, but it was only people from category two that got tried for murder and manslaughter."
- JamesVogner
Practice What You Preach
"Generally speaking, If you try to teach your kid something and ARE NOT the example, you might as well not have wasted your time."
- forex__1911
"'The best field anthropologist in the world is a kid watching the grownups.'"
- BobMacActual
Giving Up Control
"Ugh. We talked to our son about everything under the sun. We had an open forum. We talked extensively about money management, sexuality, dating, how to treat other people, drug use, alcoholism, and its consequences."
"He and I also watched a ton of documentaries together on all of the above topics. I have a thing for shows like 'Underground Inc,' 'Drugs Inc,' 'Broken,' and mini-series like 'Dopesick.'"
"Once he turned 18, he began to do literally everything we advised against. It's been a hard few years. After losing his girlfriend, losing his job, and spending some time in jail, I think he's starting to listen."
"He's been doing a very good job lately. We love him and we support him despite how hard it's been. I feel bad even typing this..."
"It's really tough to look back and legitimately say what could have been done differently. What I can say to upcoming parents is:"
"Don't give up on your kid."
"Do the best you can."
"You can't control everything."
- YamahaRyoko
The Confidence of a King
"I have one child, the youngest, who I'm starting to worry about. He's tall, athletic, attractive, and very charismatic. I feel like it's a constant battle between teaching him respect and humility and the worship he gets at school."
"At his age, he's not prepared to deal with all these peers who want his attention, tell him how great he is, and the girls lining up to talk to him."
"Yeah, don't we all wish we had this problem as teens? Anyway, it's a struggle. He's gotten cocky and thinks life will just keep on treating him like a king."
"And maybe it will, he's got the type of personality that makes people want him around. But he needs to treat others with the same respect he expects for himself. Confidence is good but it needs to be combined with kindness."
"Our other children are very level-headed and what we feel are good people. I hope we get to properly teach this to our youngest and that he takes it to heart and chooses to be a good person."
- KelvinGauss
Letting Them Fail
"We wanted our kids to be happy so I think we coddled and spoiled them. They aren’t ready to function independently in the adult world."
"In retrospect, I think learning some hard lessons growing up helps prepare them and is less damaging than learning those lessons as adults."
"Edit: to clarify, they aren’t jerks, just not ready to be adults."
- albygolfer
Keep Teaching Them
"The only thing you can really do is teach them. They will become who they will become eventually."
"Also, when I say 'teach them,' I don’t just mean to preach things. Lead by example. Do you want to teach them to be kind and generous? Then do those things YOURSELVES. If they watch you serve others in need and get joy from that or love those around you, they may grow up wanting that joy themselves."
"You want them to be responsible with alcohol? SHOW them how to be responsible."
"Do you want them to learn from their mistakes? Then when you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize. Show them no one should be too prideful to admit they were wrong and do better the next time."
"If you preach kindness and such, but your actions show otherwise, it will come off as hypocritical. Kids know when you are sincere."
- -You-know-it-
Equal Treatment
"My mom once told me that she wishes she treated my brother the way she treated me. I was the oldest and her first so she pushed me and gave me high benchmarks, but she realized too late that because she was the youngest and her baby she forgave him too easily and let him do anything he wanted."
"That by the time she realized that he was an entitled jerk, it was too late (his mid-20s). 'It’s my fault he’s a narcissist. I gave him everything he wanted and made him believe he deserved it because he was my precious little boy.'"
- SeattleTrashPanda
Good Humans Raise Good Humans
"The idea of 'tried their best' is so subjective. Every circumstance is so different. You get the full spectrum of what 'trying' is defined as."
"Some parents say how hard they work and how good of a parent they were, but then you find out they were abusive thinking that it was good parenting. Or vice versa. Parents who say they failed and their kids are all good kids."
"The bottom line, with so many factors and external variables, it's hard to know what the true formula is. My only advice is to try and be a good human and your kids will most likely follow suit."
- Forward_While_4411
While all of these parents wished they had known or done something sooner, at least these are actions they can continue to improve on during their relationship with their children or adult children.
And hopefully parents reading these insights can avoid making the same mistakes.
Let's face it, when emotions are running high and something important is at stake, we're bound to make mistakes and either say or do the wrong thing.
This might even be especially true of parents.
But even if our angriest and most vulnerable moments, there are things we should never, ever say to a child.
Redditor son_of_x asked:
"What are things parents should never say to their children?"
Exposure Therapy
"Don’t make your kids do the things you’re afraid to face."
"When I was a kid, my mom dumped all that s**t on me. Rent was late? I had to face the landlord. She’d try to convince me it was a fun game, like see how fast you can run to his door, drop a check in the mail slot, and run back to the car."
"Even at ten years old, I knew it wasn’t a d**n game. All she was doing was transferring her anxiety directly to me."
"Be honest with your kid about the s**tty situations you might be in, but don’t make them carry the weight in your place."
- Ineedyoursway
They're to Blame
"NEVER tell a child that the divorce is their fault."
- ashabranch
"I remember back when I was like 10, my mom didn’t take me to school one morning because she was upset that the clothes in my dresser weren’t folded."
"My dad had to take me to school instead. And on the way there, he yelled, 'You’re tearing this family apart!’"
"I’m like... Bro, if unfolded clothes in a dresser are what tears this family apart, then you all have other sh*t to be concerned about."
- _mike_hunt
Life: Ruined
"'Having you ruined my life,' is the worst I ever heard."
- Tough_Stretch
No Accountability
"'I don't remember that, that never happened!' when a kid brings up a past trauma."
- dafrstofus
"My MIL (Mother-in-Law) [96] is the healthiest human I know with the caveat that she has the usual ailments that affect old arteries, etc. She has three sons, my Dear Husband (70), a slightly older, quasi-celebrity brother, and a younger brother. They work like animals. They can’t help it, although they should try."
"Every single time my husband brings up a childhood memory, my MIL rebuffs it by saying the incident he’s recalling never happened. No one’s allowed to have a memory but her."
"It drives my husband (and me) up a wall. We live fairly close to her, but he struggles so much with spending time with her because of this."
"She just tells him, 'That’s not true.' Instead of embracing what he and they remember, she shuts them down."
- l31l4j4d3
Controlling Diet
"My mom stuck me on this super restrictive diet when I was 11. The entire diet was the whole reason I struggled with eating disorders in my childhood."
"I brought it up in therapy at 17 and at first, she claimed it never happened. Then she remembered talking to doctors about my weight, then googling diets for children, and then putting me on a diet sounded like something she would've done... but it still didn't happen."
"Gotta love her. But, to be honest, I can't even say I love my mom."
"I was the neglected child as she had four other kids, and I'm the middle one. After some point, I stopped wanting my mom's approval for anything."
"I actually had my therapist ask me what a good mother-daughter relationship would look like to me if we were to ever get close, and I honestly couldn't answer."
"It's weird to think that the one thing I wanted my entire childhood, I don't want now. At least not with my biological mother."
"My boyfriend's mom, on the other hand, is amazing, and I love the mother-daughter-like relationship we have. I'm still in awe that I even found a family that loves me as if I were their biological kid."
- pumpkinthighs
Whose Opinion?
"Your opinion doesn’t matter."
"That one still haunts me and is the reason I never speak up."
- TapReasonable2678
Foster Care Warnings
"Threaten to send them to live in foster care if they don't do what the parent wants. My mother used to use that threat if she saw me picking my nose. I didn't realize how f**ked up that was until I was an adult."
- adeon
"I remember my mom doing this. That I need to just stay in my room and be quiet, or she'd send me away. F**ked me up, man. I was probably around six."
- Substantial_Part_952
Body-Shaming
"This is kind of a low bar as far as bad things my parents did goes (they also hit us for far dumber reasons than not eating our food)."
"When I was a kid, my parents were very controlling. Now, that meant, among other things, that they didn't let me go outside, for fear that neighbor kids would wander by and I'd hear things that went against my parents' ideologies. It also meant that they controlled exactly what and how much I ate. As in, if I didn't want to clean my plate, I was beaten."
"Well, I was also a fat kid, and given how much control I had over both my food intake and the exercise I could do (since I couldn't go outside), I didn't have much say in the matter."
"My parents gave me so much s**t about it over the years, though. Like, even if you were allowed to have some agency in your life, you shouldn't get that kind of s**t. It was pretty miserable."
"Anyway, when I went away to college, I was finally on my own, and I took charge of that. Everybody was warning me about the freshman 15, but I was looking at my intake. That's not great of course, but I lost a couple of pounds. Not even that much."
"And then I went back home for winter break, and my parents were all, 'Oh, you're too thin, you need to eat more,' and I was like, 'No, I'm good, thanks.' At one point, my dad said, 'Eat more or I'm kicking you out of my house.'"
"And so I gained that weight back over the break, and by the end, they were back to giving me s**t about it."
"So, I dunno. Maybe don't be such a d**k about your kid's weight. Certainly not with demands and expectations that oscillate between two extremes like they did."
- Aperture_T
Mind Games
"'Until you start paying bills, you have no rights, so you’re d**n right I’m coming into your room whenever I feel like it, and I can take anything I want from it, too, because it’s actually mine.'"
"'You’re too stupid and lazy to be able to make it in the real world. And if someone ever did hire you, they’d fire you as soon as they realized what a mistake they’d made.'"
"'You have no idea how much you cost me. I could do X, Y, or Z things if I didn’t always have to pay for your crap.'"
"'We’re free thinkers in this house,' but then rages when I express a thought/opinion that’s different than theirs."
"'You’re just a kid, what do you have to be depressed about?' or 'You have nothing to be depressed about.'"
"After I told a doctor how I was actually feeling, they said, 'You can’t be that stressed, you’re just a kid! Are you trying to make me look like a bad parent?!'"
"Yes, I’m in therapy now."
- Ki-Larah
Useless
"Don't tell kids they're useless. The variant I used to get from Dad was posed as a question, 'Are you good for ANYTHING?!'"
" I mean, how was eight-year-old me supposed to answer that?"
"High school valedictorian, graduated from one of the US services academies, have a good, steady career, and live 2000 miles from where I grew up (wonder why?). But I was more into reading than outdoor sports, hunting, or working in our garden all summer, so not 'manly' enough for him at the time."
"It took until my mid-50s before we became close, and he passed away two months ago. Lots of wasted time."
- JEFFinSoCal
Intentional Provocation
"My dad antagonizing me purposely and then saying, 'dOn'T bE sO sEnSiTiVe,' when I get upset about the s**t he says."
- LianOLis
An Important Reminder
"Moms, stop criticizing your body in front of your daughters!!"
- buceethevampslayer
"Seriously! My mother would say that she hated her body and that we looked 'so alike' in the same breath, it was very damaging."
- 97ratsinatrenchcoat
Comparison Culture
"Comparing them to others, talking about their weight, focusing on the negatives or their wrongdoings, constantly dismissing them, unwilling to hear their opinions because of the 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality."
"There's so much."
- The_gentle_one
Confusing Lessons
"Always punishing and complaining about what you shouldn't do, but never saying or rewarding what you should."
- RoDeltaR
The Perfect Rebuttal
"'I brought you into this world. I can take you out of it,' was my mom's favorite."
- belle254
"What I wish I would have said back: 'No, you can't. You'd be arrested, and the world would view you as a monster and a psychopath.'"
- Narren_C
While parenting carries with it a lot of demands, there are certain things that absolutely should not be done, including statements that should never be uttered.
It's clear the damaging impact they have when they are used. Avoid them at all cost.
We'd love it if all families could be these perfect images of unconditional love, but sometimes that isn't the case.
In fact, sometimes it feels like parents cannot wait for their kids to grow up enough to move out of the house.
Redditor zeg685 asked:
"What do you think of the parents that kick their kids out as soon as they have turned 18 years old?"
Not the Norm Everywhere
"They're not Italian, that's for sure."
"Here in Italy, when the 'child' is finally ready to leave the house at the age of 35, the family gets together to bid them a tearful goodbye... before they move one kilometer away from their parent's house."
- arsenal7777
The Ones Without Visitors
"I wonder how many parents realize their relationship with their kids is somewhat quid pro quo."
"It feels a bit sociopathic of me to say, but take care of your kids and invest in their futures and lives. Rewarding in itself, yes, but ultimately, one day, you're gonna be old and unable to wipe your own a**, and if your kid hates you, he's not going to do it."
"H**l, I love my parents, but I still am not looking forward to those times."
- Blitzus
The Math Isn't Mathin'
"I still find it hard to understand why they kick them out at 18. They're barely out of school and most of them are not even prepared for the world."
"Do they magically mature and gain every skill needed to survive at 18? The animosity towards their own kids is just so appalling."
- nawangpalden
The Least They Could Do
"Even if you are that ready to get rid of them, why aren’t you letting them know that you are kicking them out so they better prepare to get their stuff In order before then? Why wait until the day they turn 18 to surprise them so they have absolutely no plans to move out? At the very least, give them a good heads-up and let them know you are serious. That is the least you could do."
- tigress666
When Karma Comes Around
"A girl from my class came home after our grad night party to find two garbage bags with her stuff in them. They didn't even tie it so when it rained that night it filled up the bags with water and destroyed her laptop, pictures, and clothing."
"Her parents showed up at her house last year on Independence Day because their house burned down from a firework mishap. I'm told the husband just asked them to leave. Oh, and I should add they didn't have insurance on the home so they were pretty much screwed."
- SupremeCultist
Money Management
"Once we were working full-time, if we were still at home, my Dad would charge a nominal rent to get us used to managing our money. He would just put it into an account and give it back upon moving out."
"Although if we did move back home, he'd no longer charge since we had experience and could save on our own."
- metalbassist33
From Generation to Generation
"I can’t imagine having to deal with some of the parents in this thread. My Dad lost a place to live at his parents’ house for the summer his last year of college and luckily my Mom’s parents let him stay in their basement. From what my parents told me my Dad was devastated by this."
"My parents’ rule was we would have a place to stay without paying rent as long as we were in school or after we graduated while we were getting our first job. I really appreciated their support and not needing to worry about housing during the summers while I was in college. Will be doing the same with my three kids."
- Dougeefargo
What Relationship Were They Expecting?
"I got kicked out of my mom's house at 15 because my mom was a headcase, and my OCD went off the scale because of the mental abuse. Dad didn't want to take me in and told me so, but my stepmom forced his hand. The day I graduated HS, my stuff was on the lawn with the locks changed."
"Then I had to live with years of angry messages on the answering machine, 'How come you never call?!?! Why do you hate our family?!?!'"
"I even got accused last week by a family member that I made the whole thing up when she was trying to tell me that I'm a bad person for ignoring my mom. The level of the narcissism of some people is unbelievable."
- ChiAnndego
You Can Stay If...
"I grew up with my mom constantly telling me that her retirement plan was for me to get rich and for her to move in with me."
"When I was well into adulthood and that was obviously not going to happen (and we were not getting along at all), I finally got it through her head that I was absolutely never going to be able to afford to support financially, and we'd kill each other if we lived together."
"Not long after that, she stopped talking to me. It was good to see that she only saw me as a potential pile of money and nothing else."
- sybrwookie
Sometimes White Lies Are Okay!
"My boyfriend got kicked out at 18, and his parents literally said to his face, 'Since you were an accident and we didn't mean to have you, we need you out of the house now so we can actually relax like we used to before you were born.'"
"Anyway, I think extremely badly of them."
- troll--boy
Law-Abiding or Whatever
"Kicking out your kid as soon as you're legally allowed to do so tells me you wanted them out of the house even earlier and the only reason you didn't do it is because you didn't want to be arrested."
- Frankie__
No Home, No Funeral
"My brother was out before 18 and I was out at 18, and my dad didn't even have a funeral."
"That should tell you about all you need to know about parents who kick their kids out as soon as possible."
- Ponk_Bonk
What More Could They Want
"I graduated fifth in my class academically, placed in states in sports my junior and senior year, and held a part-time job on weekends. Sometimes I’d get home at midnight after a tournament and then work my job at 5 AM the next day."
"I was kicked out less than two weeks after turning 18, started college two months later after couch surfing, and now my parents and I rarely talk. They still can’t figure out why they don’t see their grandkids often."
"I mean, not being conceited, but what the f**k else was I suppose to be doing not to get kicked out?"
- FrankAdamGabe
Break the Cycle
"I cut all ties after they kicked me out. They both died young. My life was rough for a while but it all turned out okay."
"And now I’m the adult, and my oldest is 20. He’s still at home rent-free while he pursues his career and education. I’ll do the same for the other four."
"We bought a new house when my oldest was 19 and we specifically made sure he had a room where he could feel comfortable to stay here and have his own space."
- Any_Monitor5224
Send the Right Message
"Dad kicked me out at 16, and I haven’t spoken to him in like two and a half years. My mom and I text once every other month at the most. And I moved across the country the day I turned 18 and never looked back."
"If you are a parent and you want a relationship with your kids, they need to know they are safe with you and that they have a place in your home. Kicking them out won't teach them that."
- Wicked_Twist
It should be a bittersweet moment for parents when their children are old enough to move out and start lives of their own that are not created by their parents, but that shouldn't be the goal.
It seems like some parents cannot wait for the day when their kids will move out, forced or otherwise, and we cannot help but wonder what their motivations were in having children in the first place.
It's hard to imagine for someone who didn't live it, but not everyone grew up with a kind and loving childhood home.
So much so, Redditors were able to fill a whole Reddit thread with examples of bad parenting, some of which are startling.
Redditor FiForYourAttention asked:
"What screams 'I'm a bad parent'?"
Confidentiality Who?
"I don't know if this really screams it, but I absolutely hate when adults tell other adults their children’s shameful secrets for no reason. Even strangers! It tells me those children probably don’t feel like they can trust their parents."
- 50637
Trust Issues
"I had a pretty horrible thing happen to me during my senior year of high school. I called my mom sobbing, and the next day I found out she told her two best friends and multiple teacher friends of hers. I also found out she and my older sister were laughing about it with each other."
"I never tell her anything anymore. At least anything important."
- Training-Ad171
What Kid?
"Zero interest in the kid. Doesn’t care what they do or what happens to them as long as they don’t inconvenience them."
- JustinChristoph
Lack of Accountability
"Never saying sorry to the kid when the parents make a mistake."
- SuvenPan
Break into Teams
"Triangulation. After the divorce, one of our parents immediately weaponized our relationship against the other. I’m 32 and still unweaving all of the details in my brain."
- BugzFromZpace
Breaking Decibels
"My mother used to get up in my face and yell at me for trivial things. She would also spit on me while yelling."
"Yelling at a kid is traumatic for the kid. Don’t do it. There are better ways to communicate than yelling."
- rainbowblack79
Physically Abusive
"I volunteer at and have had student placements at a children’s hospital and we’ve had patients with serious brain injuries due to abuse (shaking, attempted drowning, etc.). So yeah I’d say those parents are pretty bad."
- Tapestry-of-Life
Desiring Fear
"Your own children being afraid of you, no child should be afraid of the person that looks after them nearly 24/7."
"I really don't think it clicks till adolescence either when you look back and realize that you really were terrified of your father 24/7 as a child."
"Or it's weird when you realize that not all children hate their fathers."
- LimitlessTVShows
The Blame Game
"Blaming your own mistakes and regrets on your kids."
"Or living vicariously through your children because of your own mistakes and regrets."
- LilKaySigs
Broken Record
"Saying the same things over and over again like, 'You're such a disappointment' and 'I wish I had a daughter instead' and 'You ruined my and you're mother's sex life.' This is stuff I heard for years."
- FERRARI308GTSI
Disregarding Mental Health
"Saying 'You're too young to be depressed' and ignoring red flags from mental illnesses."
- EclecticMermaid
Invalidation Tactics
"Invalidating your child's feelings, struggles, and/or mental illness in favor of 'you don't know what struggling really is' or some form of 'back in my day' or 'you kids are so weak.'"
"You have just robbed your child of support, told them their feelings do not matter and informed them that you are not a safe person to confide in."
- Acetamnophen
Punishing Adult Children
"Punishing adult children when they don't do everything you say by silent treatment or nasty texts... and days later acting like nothing happened and saying , 'You never let go of things.'"
- kabive2044
Never Going Home Again
"Your kids never visiting once they move out or go to college."
- ashton_yaste123
Hindsight 0/20
"Ironically, never thinking you're a bad parent."
- RandomHeretic
These examples will bring back dark memories for some.
Hopefully there will be another Reddit post where people describe what positive parenting looks like.
Parenting is the exact opposite of easy.
I'd like to believe all parents do their best.
Some? Maybe not.
When we all look back, there will be mistakes and consequences.
I suppose that's life.
That's why we have therapists.
Redditor AlexDescendsIntoHell asked all the parents out there would fess up to a few things.
"What is a seemingly harmless parenting mistake that will majorly f**k up a child later in life?"
I don't know where to begin with my parent's mistakes.
Thankfully I'll never procreate.
Lies
Lying Simon Rex GIF by Simon Rex / Dirt NastyGiphy"Telling them that the family members who are mean to them or neglect them, love them."
everybodylovesmemore
Relationships...
"Anytime a child is playing with a child of the opposite gender, and they respond 'Oh who’s your boy/girlfriend?'"
"That s**t completely stopped me from even speaking to girls until damn near high school."
GoldenBruhtado
"I just saw this happen in front of my eyes not too long ago. My aunt started teasing my 12 year old cousin because she found out that a girl he was friends with had a little crush on him."
"Welp, that friendship ended right then and there. My cousin was obviously super embarrassed (of course my aunt made the big announcement in front of a bunch of people). I was so mad at my aunt. Like, what the f**k did she expect?"
Listen
"Being over protective as a parent. Or just not listening to your children."
Eveleyn
"To tag onto that... never treating your children as adults."
"My girlfriend is 23 and despite being entirely independent of her family, her mom treats her like a child still."
"As in too-immature to make her own decisions, inferior to her/not equal (she was recently told to 'learn her place'), invalid in feelings, emotions, etc..."
"This invalidates her self worth, her opinions, her views and stances, etc... It’s wildly damaging, and extremely toxic. She can’t hold an adult conversation with her adult daughter, and it’s extremely frustrating."
BeingMrSmite
But why?
"Discouraging them from asking questions. Yes it can be annoying to keep hearing 'but why daddy/mummy?' But I've met far too many adults who admit they stopped asking questions because as a kid their parents would shut them up or be like 'there he/she goes asking questions again.' Inquisitive minds need that fostered."
rccrisp
"Your child isn't responsible for your happiness—you are. If your build your entire sense of self-worth around your child 1) there's a good chance your child will grow up to resent the pressure 2) you're setting an example for them to be codependent in their own relationships."
cornofears
Being your own person is so important and so ignored.
Back Off
Stop It GIFGiphy"Not stopping when your child says 'stop.' Whether it's teasing, or tickling, or wresting. Kids who have parents that don't respect their boundaries always seem to end up being the biggest d*cks and bullies because they've learned they don't have to respect other people's feelings."
OfficeChairHero
Absentees
"Never showing up for events. I remember my parents didn’t come to most of my chorus concerts. It really sucked to see my classmate's families cheer them on while my parents were absent. I brought home one of my chorus program papers to show my parents and I found it in the trash the next day... I was sad because I wanted to keep it but seeing it in the trash, I didn’t want it anymore."
"I love my parents and I don’t blame them for not showing up. they are small business owners and it was hard for them to find people who could work for them whenever I had concerts or anything. it still hurt though... :( also the replies to this are very sad, i’m sorry that a lot of you guys went through similar experiences."
"Also my mom is a clean freak, she’ll discard or move any stray papers laying around. she probably didn’t think much of it, she might not have even realized what it was (she can’t read english that well it’s her third language). after i told her she apologized to me, so it’s okay."
"I thought I should add that my little sister and grandma would come to them but my relationship with my grandma isn’t great... it’s just not the same as having your parents there if that makes sense."
mousely
Be Better
"Creating an environment where you tell your kid their feelings aren’t valid just because they aren’t the same as yours or your kid processes their emotions differently than you."
"Angrily telling your kid they are too sensitive/dramatic/theatrical/hormonal/etc is just going to mess your kid up and encourage them to bottle emotions up to avoid upsetting you, and is going to lead to major communication issues."
"Also, constantly pushing an intelligent or self motivated child to work harder and harder and do 'better.' You’re setting your kid up to be a perfectionist, which can be incredibly damaging to his or her mental health in the long run."
dreamer4659
here kitty kitty....
"When I was four my parents adopted a kitten. Of course I had never seen anything quite so delightful before and I could barely keep my hands off the little fur ball."
"So about two or three days passed, I get up in the morning and walk out and ask 'Where is the kitten?' And my parents told me that he died - implying that my roughhousing had killed it. I was terrified to touch an animal for several years." thereafter."
"In fact they had simply given the kitten back to the people they got it from."
thomoz
Learning Curves
Cleaning Chores GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Not having them do chores."
"My parents pushed me to be academic - so doted on me hand and foot as a kid to make more room for study. When you’re too young and stupid to know any better you think it’s a blessing."
"When I moved out to Uni I didn’t really know how to clean, when to clean, what to clean with, how to wash clothes, how to get them dry etc. The only thing I could do is cook and binge drink."
"That’s no way to bring up a kid, and its a steep learning curve doing all that stuff for the first time in your early 20s. It sounds like a super lame answer, but make sure every kid does their fair share of chores."
Sounds like parents are clearly on learning curves as well.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.