Regrets Of Parents Who Raised Jerks
Reddit user hurricanehershel asked: 'Parents who tried their best to raise their kids to be good humans but they turned out to be jerks, what do you wish you did differently?'
It seems reasonable enough to assume that most parents would do their best to raise children who would grow up to be kind, contributing adults.
But not every kid will turn out to be the sweetest person, and hindsight can only help so much.
Redditor hurricanehershel asked:
"Parents who tried their best to raise their kids to be good humans but they turned out to be jerks, what do you wish you did differently?"
Dynamic Issues
"I'm speaking as a teacher... but I've seen wildly different siblings. I think parents need to get a handle on that dynamic. A lot of perfectionist older siblings and younger ones who can't achieve at that level and act out instead to find how they can earn attention."
- big_nothing_burger
Individual People
"People need to stop treating kids as carbon copies of their older siblings. And I say this as the eldest child who differs greatly in personality and interests from my younger sibling."
"It’s not fair to anyone, least of all the kid who has to deal with being measured by someone else’s standard."
"Everyone is their own person, including the twins I’ve known had different personalities and interests if one cared to observe."
- UnknownCitizen77
Coparenting Troubles
"Be very careful WHO you have kids with. If I could do it all over again, I would have chosen better. They ended up with one responsible parent who was completely overwhelmed trying to do the job of two people."
- heatherLovesbrandon
Get On Their Level
"I have a son who just turned five, and I can see all the hallmarks of ADHD (which I have, and most people in my family have)."
"He behaves so much like my younger sister did when she was young, and I found myself going through the cycle of bad behavior to punishment to worse behavior to worse punishment, just like my parents did with my sister."
"Recently I’ve been trying to connect with the person who I was when I was younger, when I wasn’t 'in charge,' and my sister would calm down for me and listen to me."
"It’s helping so much. I still need my kid to stop throwing s**t (makes my blood absolutely boil), but we are making progress."
"Kids are f**king exhausting and I hope I don’t end up accidentally raising an a**hole."
- embrielle
Resentful Parents
"In my opinion, the one defining characteristic of bad parents is being resentful of their own children. Resentful that they took some of their freedom, resentful of their youth, resentful of their opportunities, resentful of their intelligence, resentful of their beauty, resentful of their possessions, resentful of their education, resentful of their accomplishments, resentful of their happiness, etc."
"I think this is FAR more common than most people realize. These parents may consciously 'provide' for their kids while they unconsciously sabotage them. The kids pick up on this and end up aspiring to their parents’ unspoken expectations."
"Good parents want their kids to exceed their own achievements and, most importantly, to be happy. Good parents are empathetic to their children. They’re happy when their kids are happy. They’re sad when their kids are sad."
"Resentful parents don’t really want their kids to be happy unless they credit the parents for their happiness. No achievement belongs to the kids, but every failure does."
- scsuhockey
Going No Contact
"I wish I knew that some grandparents shouldn’t be allowed to have a relationship with a vulnerable, easily manipulated child. I wish I knew it was okay to cut people out of your life."
- comeupforairyouweirdo
Good Models and Boundaries
"I worked with youth for a while in a poorer rural part of America and in my anecdotal experience, there are two types of kids that can turn into bad humans."
"One, they've just had tough lives and no good role models. If you get to know them, you realize they are just normal kids that have never been given the tools, opportunity, or encouragement to act any differently. If no one figures out how to intervene, it becomes a pattern of life for them that spirals out of control."
"Two, kids that never suffer the consequences of their actions. They tend to have really 'nice' caregivers who have a knack for getting their kids out of trouble. When I say they don't suffer consequences, I mean literally. Their parents do their homework, their parents lie for them, their parents don't ever tell them 'no.' Their caregivers also don't supervise them but whenever anything happens, they are easily manipulated by their child and take whatever their child says as gospel truth without question."
"And although the parents don't supervise their children, they seem all too willing to give them everything their child asks for (within the confines of their economic class). The caregivers are somehow both emotionally neglectful but also always there to help their child out of a jam. In a way that feels like they want to be manipulated by their child."
"Kids in the first category will do something bad and you go, 'How could they be so stupid?'"
"When kids in the second category do something bad, your reaction is, 'It's only a matter of time before they kill someone.'"
"I knew a lot of young adults that got in trouble with the law, but it was only people from category two that got tried for murder and manslaughter."
- JamesVogner
Practice What You Preach
"Generally speaking, If you try to teach your kid something and ARE NOT the example, you might as well not have wasted your time."
- forex__1911
"'The best field anthropologist in the world is a kid watching the grownups.'"
- BobMacActual
Giving Up Control
"Ugh. We talked to our son about everything under the sun. We had an open forum. We talked extensively about money management, sexuality, dating, how to treat other people, drug use, alcoholism, and its consequences."
"He and I also watched a ton of documentaries together on all of the above topics. I have a thing for shows like 'Underground Inc,' 'Drugs Inc,' 'Broken,' and mini-series like 'Dopesick.'"
"Once he turned 18, he began to do literally everything we advised against. It's been a hard few years. After losing his girlfriend, losing his job, and spending some time in jail, I think he's starting to listen."
"He's been doing a very good job lately. We love him and we support him despite how hard it's been. I feel bad even typing this..."
"It's really tough to look back and legitimately say what could have been done differently. What I can say to upcoming parents is:"
"Don't give up on your kid."
"Do the best you can."
"You can't control everything."
- YamahaRyoko
The Confidence of a King
"I have one child, the youngest, who I'm starting to worry about. He's tall, athletic, attractive, and very charismatic. I feel like it's a constant battle between teaching him respect and humility and the worship he gets at school."
"At his age, he's not prepared to deal with all these peers who want his attention, tell him how great he is, and the girls lining up to talk to him."
"Yeah, don't we all wish we had this problem as teens? Anyway, it's a struggle. He's gotten cocky and thinks life will just keep on treating him like a king."
"And maybe it will, he's got the type of personality that makes people want him around. But he needs to treat others with the same respect he expects for himself. Confidence is good but it needs to be combined with kindness."
"Our other children are very level-headed and what we feel are good people. I hope we get to properly teach this to our youngest and that he takes it to heart and chooses to be a good person."
- KelvinGauss
Letting Them Fail
"We wanted our kids to be happy so I think we coddled and spoiled them. They aren’t ready to function independently in the adult world."
"In retrospect, I think learning some hard lessons growing up helps prepare them and is less damaging than learning those lessons as adults."
"Edit: to clarify, they aren’t jerks, just not ready to be adults."
- albygolfer
Keep Teaching Them
"The only thing you can really do is teach them. They will become who they will become eventually."
"Also, when I say 'teach them,' I don’t just mean to preach things. Lead by example. Do you want to teach them to be kind and generous? Then do those things YOURSELVES. If they watch you serve others in need and get joy from that or love those around you, they may grow up wanting that joy themselves."
"You want them to be responsible with alcohol? SHOW them how to be responsible."
"Do you want them to learn from their mistakes? Then when you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize. Show them no one should be too prideful to admit they were wrong and do better the next time."
"If you preach kindness and such, but your actions show otherwise, it will come off as hypocritical. Kids know when you are sincere."
- -You-know-it-
Equal Treatment
"My mom once told me that she wishes she treated my brother the way she treated me. I was the oldest and her first so she pushed me and gave me high benchmarks, but she realized too late that because she was the youngest and her baby she forgave him too easily and let him do anything he wanted."
"That by the time she realized that he was an entitled jerk, it was too late (his mid-20s). 'It’s my fault he’s a narcissist. I gave him everything he wanted and made him believe he deserved it because he was my precious little boy.'"
- SeattleTrashPanda
Good Humans Raise Good Humans
"The idea of 'tried their best' is so subjective. Every circumstance is so different. You get the full spectrum of what 'trying' is defined as."
"Some parents say how hard they work and how good of a parent they were, but then you find out they were abusive thinking that it was good parenting. Or vice versa. Parents who say they failed and their kids are all good kids."
"The bottom line, with so many factors and external variables, it's hard to know what the true formula is. My only advice is to try and be a good human and your kids will most likely follow suit."
- Forward_While_4411
While all of these parents wished they had known or done something sooner, at least these are actions they can continue to improve on during their relationship with their children or adult children.
And hopefully parents reading these insights can avoid making the same mistakes.
You don't have to be acquainted with someone to know enough about the kind of person they are.
Observing their attitude around people or what clothes they wear can easily give away a stranger's temperament that identifies them as either superficial or genuine.
Of course, being judgmental based on one's appearance is not an unfair assessment. However, you know deep down inside, we all have the predisposition to do exactly that.
Redditor Expwar was curious to hear about how a certain demographic gets around and asked:
"What vehicle is only driven by a**holes?"
Car accessories really are a dead giveaway about the person behind the wheel.
Lewd Graphic
"Any truck with a sticker of Calvin peeing on the logo of the other model truck."
– DocWednesday
Marvel Madness
"Any vehicle with a Punisher sticker."
– Tagpub1
Altimate Jerk
"Nissan Altima with expired paper plates."
– i_like_cheese_fries
Dongles In Motion
"Anything that truck nuts have been installed on."
– Fjc562
A vehicle's condition says a lot about its owner like what a front lawn says about the homeowner.
Worn Aesthetic
"With a faded gold paint job and sh**ty, bubbled window tint. Alternately going 95 in the right lane, or 45 in the passing lane."
– carl-swagan
Misguided Priorities
"Failing engine, $500 paint job, and $10,000 rims..."
– Krepitis
These might be the worst of the bunch.
The Rest
"Every vehicle that I’m not driving. You’re all a**holes."
– DoctorSneak
The Speed Spectrum
"Everyone faster than me is a maniac and everyone slower than me is a moron."
"Edit: oh my GOD I've gotten a dozen notifications that really want to make sure George Carlin gets credit. You guys can stop replying with that now."
– Altruistic-Pop6696 ·
Amateur Little Drivers
"These red and yellow cars from Little Tikes. They're all bad drivers. Pretty sure they don't even have their licence."
– Face-latte
How They Roll
"Around here (South Alabama), the same guys who you would label as 'A**holes' are the guys who drive trucks with the front suspension lifted to the sky and the rear suspension is dropped to the street, and they slap on rims that look like a regular rim was put through a paper shredder, then stretch paper-thin tires on them, not to mention they either cut their exhausts down or put exhausts on that have no catalytic converters, and as such, they're louder than a machine gun."
"They're really a**holes."
– FrostyFox45
Intensity
"Whoever has unnecessarily super bright lights at night. I wonder where I can apply for my blindness allowance."
– TheYellowSprout
To me, it doesn't matter what car you have. Just be a good driver and respect the road and others who share it with you.
Tailgaters or drivers who cut in front of me without signaling are all jerks regardless of whether they're driving a Tesla or an old station wagon.
There's definitely jobs out there that take a special kind of person to be able to do. There's actually some research that suggests personality actually plays a role in what job you have.
Ronald E. Riggio Ph.D. wrote:
"Extraverts tend to hold jobs that involve communicating with others, such as sales or customer service."
"Introverts, on the other hand, may trend toward jobs interacting with computers or technology."
Riggio continues:
"Similarly, individuals high in conscientiousness may gravitate toward jobs involving numbers or paying attention to detail, and they may be better at those jobs as well."
But what if your job means you're more likely to be an a**hole? Like this study that showed high rates of bullying in the nursing field. Or that narcissists are better at jobs in that rely heavily on self promotion.
Redditor 29t03jwies asked:
"What job or activity do you normally associate with jerks?"
Let's see what other jobs might have the worst personalities.
YouTube Families.
"Those family YouTube channels, that have like fifty different channels for each family member including the dogs and then the one for the full family. They only shout when they talk and do a bunch of sh*tty 'challenges.'"
"I feel in real life they are total aholes to everyone in their neighborhood."
"Yes and basically exploit their kids for views."
If YouTube wont do anything about it, at least someone else will.
"I work for a union in the film industry and we're trying to organize these 'shows' so they are just like regular movies/tv shows and the parents can't exploit the child. In the same way a TV SHOW is regulated in how it treats child performers (hours of work/overtime/school/tutoring/ rate of pay). And most importantly that they get residuals- like royalties-in the future as the show is watched over time and a bunch of their money gets saved for them in trust until they are adults."
"The research we've been doing is wild. These kids are treated sooo badly. They work all the time, miss school, don't make any money off their own performances/likeness. Totally exploited."
- heyfrend
Paparazzi.
"Paparazzi."
- Madori21
"'I'm a free time celebrity photographer.'"
"'Oh, you photograph celebrities in your free time?'"
"'No, I photograph celebrities in their free time.'"
"There's this video of Kristen Bell being relentlessly followed by tens of paparazzi and them harassing her to the point that she breaks down and cries. It's so disgusting and they're all such garbage human beings, I cannot fathom how any of it is even remotely legal."
- RwF619
"I really loved Daniel Radcliffe's way of dealing with them when he was on the West End... dressed the same exact black clothes every day."
- h2man
"My favourite is Tobey Maguire driving out of his driveway surrounded by paparazzi. I honestly don't blame celebrities for lashing out at paparazzi."
Ministers on the television.
"Televangelists."
- mikenyle
"Is that still a thing?"
"Oh sweet child it's gotten soooo much worse."
"That f*cker that was telling his congregation not to get vaxxed because his healing spirit will protect them."
"Or that other a**hole that told his congregation that god told him to get another 40 million dollar Learjet."
- Aevum1
"Regarding the jet, are you referring to Kenneth Copeland, that preaches in [Ft. Worth (Tarrant county)] (he was the Covid-19 viral video older preacher talking about how he was gonna kill it with heat and some devil karate chopping sh*t, idk. He was all over the place in that sermon, lol)."
"Anyway, supposedly, he claims…it's because demons (us) are on commercial airlines, and he can not be bothered to sit amongst us demons on a metal tube."
"Whatever you do - please watch the attached link. It's from April 2020. It's a remix of his sermon about COVID-19. He said he was going to 'unleash a heat wave straight outta Hell!' to kill the virus, also blowing the 'breath of God' helps, too."
"Kenneth Copeland's 'Wind of God!'"
- Redditor
Spam calls.
"Call scammers."
"Oh man I love getting those calls and waste their time by imitating an old man barely understanding and make them repeat 5-6 times. Then I fake the interest/fear after almost 20-30ish minutes (depending of what the call is about). Then just laugh at them and hang up."
"I used to answer the calls in Spanish. Now, I almost exclusively get calls in Spanish, which I answer in English."
- bagehis
Real estate agents.
"Estate agents are 10 rats in a trench coat. Prove me wrong."
"My Dad worked in construction all his life. He's a senior quantity surveyor these days. I once asked him when I was younger, 'Dad, what would I need to be an estate agent?'"
"He replied, 'some hair gel.'"
"'Your bank won't give you a mortgage on that property, but for £1000 we can help set you up with a mortgage at another bank.'"
"Just a straight up lie."
Online influencers.
"Influencers. An accumulation of narcissists. Nothing more."
"I think what's even more sad probably are people who think they're influencers but are not. I remember reading here some fella talkin about his wife who would not get a job because she was an influencer. She had probably [only] made 40 or 400 dollars, one of those."
"Ooh, yeah. A friend from high school was a fake influencer. As her friendships began to deteriorate because she became so insincere, her 'Instagram' friendships flourished. She had 4,000 IG followers though, and then she started making real cringey cooking videos. At that point we had our nicest friend intervene and be honest with her. The world doesn't need a 10 minute tutorial of a person making a 30 second protein shake….. it's powder, water and ice."
"You'd be surprised at how big the 'micro-influencer' market is, and how it's both great and awful for those involved."
"Many stories I've heard were from young athletes or attractive women, almost always underage, being targeted with free gifts. Legally, not great, but if someone was at practice and someone decided to drop off a crate of unreleased clothes or sportswear, that sh*t is naturally going on IG. They're tracked by likes/interactions and when they're 'of age' they're offered deals of varying quality."
"The kicker? These companies rarely pay their influencers, and most of the stuff they give out was likely to never make it to retail anyway due to it not being mass-produced, or slight errors in manufacturing. They give out stuff that was likely to be landfilled, and let people pretend to be influencers while paying them f*ck all - unless they have legitimate use."
"Source: Was a software engineer that worked on software for influencer marketing, and heard some horror stories."
- EnderMB
Now, no one career is a monolith of jerks, narcissists or a**holes, but some jobs certainly attract a specific personality.
Whether it's influencers, real estate agents, or paparazzi, they might not be innately cut out for those jobs. It might be something else that makes them motivated to becomes a**holes.
Maybe it's just for the money.
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People Break Down Which Professions They Believe Are Filled With A-Holes
Some people can sense the kind of jobs do based on their temperament.
Extroverts at a party can steal the show at a cocktail party, and one might conclude they are actors as well.
Maybe they are, but they might also be into sales.
These examples of job-linked personalities are stereotypes, of course.
But while we're on the subject, there is another cliché that is the topic of this Reddit thread.
Here is one in which Redditor Sauced_Penguin asked:
"What's a job that you just associate with jerks?"
The world of sales apparently can get pretty aggressive.
Stealing Customers
"Any job where you can steal customers from your colleague. Salespeople can be one."
– pk1950
"Put. That. Coffee. Down. Coffee is for closers"
– drawkbox
Long-Term Marketers
"MLM's on Facebook. Girl I haven't talked to since high school: 'hey girl!! Long time no talk! Guess how I've been losing weight?! You should try this product too!'"
"Like… ya. Ok thanks"
– murphy_girl
"You're Hired!"
"3rd Party Recruiters. False charm, constant lies, ghosting people, spamming, terrible attention spans and an inability to simply read a darn resume to see what people actually do rather than just 1 keyword. 'Hey are you an Engineer or Artist? We have a role for you!' OK buddy, way to narrow things down…"
Insurance Agents
"Whoever calls the shots at the insurance company."
– finney1013
Driven
"Worked in car sales for 2 years. Couldn’t get out of it fast enough. I felt like a sleaze ball, and I was the most honest salesman on the lot by a country mile."
– bigpancakeguy
Some people viewed those who represent artists in the entertainment industry as a big turnoff.
Putting On A Show
"I work in entertainment. Talent agents and managers top the list, then some talent themselves."
The Band Manager
"Sh*t howdy that's true. I worked in the music industry until a little bit before [the virus] and some of the most baffling behavior I've ever seen comes from talent/ managers. I once was running a show where it was more or less a metal music showcase for NAMM years ago. There were some pretty big names on the list like Yngwie malmsteen, and a few other medium names in metal plus a bunch of smaller bands. Well it was supposed to be a showcase. 17 bands, 15 minute sets, supposed to be over before 10pm, started at 5 pm. No biggie I've had gigs like that before, but not with all this management there. Because it was a NAMM show there are a ton of sponsors and other bands, like on different stages as well. Long story short I get a few managers that try to fight for more time because their bands need it more. My spidey sense is tingling because a couple of the bands don't even talk to me they just send their manager to check in. Weird. Cut to the first band that plays over the set, just like 10 minutes over. Whatever.
"Well everyone noticed that and decided nothing mattered. The first few bands go 5 or 10 over which was manageable but not ideal. As soon as we get to the first 'big' act they just keep playing. 5...10...20 minutes over the set time. I go up to their manager and say if they don't get off now I'm turning off the stage and they'll look stupid ( no lights, backing tracks, keys or stage monitors at that point its really hard to keep playing) manager goes up in between songs and comes back to my booth and says 'they only have 2 more songs' and shrugs. I called security back to my booth, then shut down the stage and let them slowly realize they can't hear themselves and that they're all sliding out of sync. I get ran up on by the band and their manager after the show telling me how unprofessional I am and that they play over time all the time and nobody cares (which is bs). I just point at my 17 band list and told them to leave. Nobody else played over their time and that band got banned from playing NAMM events in the future so really super not worth it for them. I have so many more stories that's just the first that came to mind."
– WelcomeToTheFish
The Strangest 'Wrong Number' Stories | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Before we all had caller ID, wrong numbers phone calls were commonplace. But now that almost everyone screens their calls, it's wrong number texts that have ...Paparazzi
"The video where Tobey Maguire is trying to pull out of a parking garage but they're blocking him in pretty much sums it up"
– DankieKang
Reps For The Stars
"I used to do event catering (big concerts) and almost everyone was cool, even the artists, except Alan Jackson who seemed to go out of his way to be an ahole. But once in a while someone who worked for an artist was just flat out sh**ty. I get that in a way that's their job so the 'star' doesn't have to, but it was so unnecessary. By far the worst example of this I ever witnessed was a tour manager for Dolly Parton. Now Dolly herself was very gracious (and short, like I knew she was short, but not THAT short) but her employee was horrid. Also cool: Bonnie Raitt, Steve Miller and Robin Williams. And none of their 'people' were jerks."
– Pinkbeamoflight
The following people are in professions that look after your physical and mental health but can leave little to be desired in the personality department.
Fitness Trainers
"Personal trainers at a lifetime. Had this one incident where this trainer kept blatantly laughing at me whenever I I did my next set of deadlifts and it honestly disheartened me so much. I already had some hesitancy of getting on the stage area because it was so out in the open. Don't miss that particular place."
– JmyKane
They Can Go Either Way
"Every surgeon I've ever met was either one of the kindest, noblest, most intelligent people on the planet or a damn sociopath."
"Surgeon here, for everyone saying 'yeah I wouldn't mind having an overconfident sociopath work on me' trust me...you do."
"The cocky surgeons are the ones who take the biggest risks and feel the least amount of empathy when considering the potential consequences. Not to mention they crush the morale of their support team which can often psych them out at critical moments. My talent comes from years hard work, not unearned arrogance, and more importantly I am comfortable enough with my own fallibility to double/triple check instead of just rolling the dice. Not controlling your ego is what gets people hurt and makes for a miserable work environment for everyone else around you. It's a shame that surgeons are associated with being jerks and it's an even bigger shame that most of them deserve it."
– RunsWithApes
God Complex
"Worked for/with surgeons for 4 years. I confirm this. Also age doesn't mean anything. God complex is really a thing in that field."
– paulethanol
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A friend of mine was once told when getting his real estate license that being a realtor was the second most loathed profession behind attorneys.
True story, 20 years later, he is still a realtor but loathes the profession.
However, the money is good enough for him to endure high levels of stress and anxiety.
And contrary to the stereotype that brokers and real estate agents are heartless jerks, my friend is the exception and is constantly praised by clients who are genuinely surprised by his efficiency and warm demeanor.
While stereotypes exist for a reason, they are not always accurate.
Image by Mote Oo Education from Pixabay |
There really are some outrageously entitled people out in the world. It feels like everyone is obsessed with living the life of a Kardashian, and that obsession, is rotting a lot of humanity.
I use to wait tables in a high end restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, very close to the fashion district. Can you imagine the the type of spoiled nonsense I've witnessed? I've seen behavior that would shock Miranda Priestly herself.
When I see people acting in such ways I'm always curious about how in the world these people became this way. Like, who raised you? Did no one ever slap you around? I'll volunteer.
And what do your parents think about their parenting skills? Because I have a few thoughts.
Redditoru/pleasantvalleyroadwanted parents out there to fess up about the "humans" they've unleashed on the world, by asking:
Parents of reddit, when did you realize you had spoiled your child(ren) to the point that they would need serious help to not grow up an entitled jerk? And did you make changes to how you parent from that point forward?
Rule number one in life...
"You are entitled to nothing!"
Money does not make you better and this isn't your world that the rest of us are merely guests in. Just some mantras to begin with.
$$$
kim kardashian school GIFGiphy"Stopped giving money so they had to get a job to have the things they wanted. Helped a lot."
Breaking the Cycle
"Having been abused and neglected as a child, I vowed not to make the same mistake with my own kid. I made a bunch of different ones instead! I didn't discipline here enough, because the only kind of discipline I knew was physical abuse and I refused to do that. In trying to do better I went in the opposite direction, and by the time she was about four years old she was a spoiled, tyrannical brat."
"My husband had worked long hours and wasn't home a lot, and she usually behaved well for him so he was largely ignorant of what was going on. He eventually got permission to work from home a couple days a week and that's when he realized how bad things were. He gently took me aside and pointed out that a four year old should not be screaming at their parents after having been asked to perform a simple task."
"I got therapy to help work through my own issues, and together my husband and I came up with a strategy that allowed me to discipline our daughter without physical punishment. (It took a few tries before we found a strategy that worked.) Then covid happened and now my husband works from home four days a week, which has helped immensely. Our daughter is still spoiled, but her behavior has improved a lot over the last few years to the point that she's usually pleasant to be around, lol. She and I are both a work in progress, but so far the whole family is doing better."
Wonder Woman
"I started a relationship with a wonderful woman who puts everyone else first. She has a heart of gold and is the sweetest person I have met. However, this desire to make everyone happy is not how you parent children. She has a moderately autistic child who is 15 and another child who is 13. She created an environment where they rely on her for everything. The 13 yo can't even make himself toast."
"The 15 yo did whatever he wanted because she was more concerned about him being happy than being independent. So far, I've gotten the child with autism to wear underwear, stop peeing anywhere he wants, stop abusing his mom, to begin feeding himself finger foods, and in general, to listen if we ask him to do something. I need to work on the youngest one to start making himself food and to eat something other than just frozen chicken strips and french fries."
The Oldest
"My husband had this realization a couple of weeks ago about his oldest. He was shocked when we were at the store and I said no to our toddler, he said ok and didn't whine, I praised him for listening and at that moment my husband was like Holy crap, I think he's more confident and independent than his teen sister, I done effed up with her, haven't I? I just shrugged."
"I told him it's not too late, he just need to keep working on it and not feel guilty about the past. Most people didn't expect a 20 some year old guy to step up and take care of a kid by himself, now that he's older he knows better and going forward can work on building a more positive relationship with his oldest kid which I believe will be helpful to her and might even encourage the confidence and independence she'll need one day. But I'm no expert our kid is very young and most days behaves like all toddlers do 😅."
The Son
Fathers Day Dad GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"I realised that, because my daughter was so difficult (I have since found out she has ADHD and Autism, like me her Mum), I was letting my Son away with so much more than I would her."
"It was my fiancé that pointed out to me that I was letting him walk all over me for an easy life so I could focus on my youngest and we have made huge changes in the way we discipline him and as a result he is back to the delightful young man he was in the earlier days. I owe a lot to my fiancé actually!"
Rule number 2...
Parents, don't be afraid to parent. Don't try to heal your wounds by allowing a new generation to just do whatever comes into their minds. Raise decent humans, not make-up versions of you.
Tapped Out
sad scream queens GIFGiphy"My daughter was throwing a fit that her bottle of water was not the brand she wanted so someone asked her why she didn't just drink tap water. Her response was, "what's tap water?" She's 10."
The Limit
"Would have to be when my daughter was 15. I set up credit card account for her, set the limit to $500 and told her the card was only for emergencies, such as if she was out somewhere and needed an Uber home. Got the bill the first month, the card had been run to it's limit, $125 at a beauty salon, $200 at various clothing stores and multiple fast food runs."
"So I sit her down and say "Didn't I tell you this card was for emergencies?" She looked me in the eye and calmly said, "Yes, and that's all I used it for." I reply, "And getting your hair done and a sale at Hot Topic are emergencies?!?" She replies, "Yes for someone my age, they are." Needless to say her credit card was quickly revoked."
- Dervrak
Oh Mama...
"Not one of those parents. But my mom never learned. She has spoiled my younger sister since she was a toddler. Sister is now in her mid 40's, and is still an entitled b*tch. To make things even better; my mother has been the child care provider (free childcare) for all three of my sister's kids from the time each was born. So now. Not only are my nieces and nephew being raised by a narcissistic mom. But by their grandmother, that made their mom that way in the first place."
"The last Christmas we went to their house, which was years ago now since it was THAT BAD. All three kids were in various stages of meltdowns because they didn't get what they wanted. And that was the year the kids got brand new iPhones. The oldest was 9. The middle was 7. And the youngest was 5. It's funny listening to our mom be confused about how they are all spoiled brats."
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Potty
"I wouldn't say I spoiled her myself, I traveled a lot and just wasn't there for my daughter as much as I should've been. My ex wife, my mom, my MiL all spoiled the hell out of my daughter. I came to the realization after my divorce. I had my daughter for the weekend. She was 4.5 at this point. Not potty trained yet because god forbid she did something that was different."
"I remember sitting on the floor, trying to get her to use the potty and she's just yelling at me that she wants her diapers back. When she went back to her mother's house I get a phone call from my ex, yelling at me for trying to make her use the potty when she wasn't ready."
"My daughter was 4.5 years old! At that point I knew. Did some research, called a behavior specialist and started to get her on the right track. I love her and she's a pretty amazing child. She's still spoiled as hell. I can only do so much with the time I have with her."
Product Placement
Billy Porter Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy"She bullied kids for not having Gucci, supreme, other designer brands, and the latest apple products."
Bad Cousins
"I am so thankful that I grew up watching my auntie mess up so much with my cousins. They were so vile because she allowed them to be. She would ask them what they wanted for breakfast lunch or dinner and they would each choose something different from each other, then when she had cooked it and served them they decided they wanted something else, this would go on and on until about 4 meals had been dumped."
"My kids help me choose the weekly meals but there is no faffing, they eat or they don't but if they don't finish at least the vedge and 1 other thing then they don't get anything else or pudding. My cousins used to scream that they wanted stuff from every shop we went in, full on paddy in the middle of the store until she gave in. The first time my oldest tried this I calmly dragged him round the shop screaming whilst I put everything in the basket back then picked him up and walked home without getting anything my other two boys learnt off their brother's mistake. My cousins would run riot anytime we were out of the house running into roads, my auntie screaming like a banshee."
"My boys were on reins from the start, then once they proved they could hold hands without darting the reins were taken off then eventually they could walk next to me without holding hands, we used the traffic lights game so they could run ahead and the moment I said stop they calmly waited until I caught up. Everything I did when they were small has made them absolutely amazing kids/teenagers now. I have had people commenting on how well behaved and how helpful and polite my babies are and I must admit I do look at them every now and then amazed at how I could be so blessed to have 3 absolutely amazing beautiful boys that I absolutely adore."
"Before anyone says that I don't know what it's like with a child with a disability (the normal response I get when I blame the parents for bad behaviour) my middle boy is autistic and dyspraxic with a mental delay and health problems, my youngest is also autistic but undiagnosed because he doesn't need extra help like my middle boy does. They are now 14, 13 and 11 and we have a fantastic relationship, all 3 are happy and healthy to me that's a win as a parent."
Screams
"Not a parent but a sibling. I'm the oldest of 3. My youngest sibling is 4 and he will walk around demanding everything from both of his parents. His dad will give him whatever he wants and our mom will either ignore my brother or yell at him. The middle kid, my sister who is 13 btw, will throw a screaming fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants."
"And my mom retaliates by screaming back at her, grounding her for a certain amount of time, and then just forgets about it. Meaning my sister just continues to do whatever she wants. When I go to tell my mom that my sister is still grounded she will just get frustrated with me and ignore me."
"Neither my mom or my brothers did do anything to try and change how either of my siblings act. They think I'm the spoiled one bc I've got severe mental problems and have no motivation for anything, so when I sleep in late bc I can't get up they yell at me for being lazy. My mom yelled at me the other day for asking to go to therapy once a week instead of every other week."
Siblings
"I'm not a parent, but rather the oldest sibling. I have to do a lot of the stuff around the house because my mother is a single mother who works nights and sleeps during the day and my 2 siblings don't help at all and they make big messes and my sister, which is the youngest and has microcephaly, gets pretty much whatever she wants and gives me an attitude and my brother is a snob, but he's getting better."
"My mom and dad are split and they cannot come to terms with anything but I tell my mom it's probably best for them to go live with him because his wife is more strict and they would get on track, plus there they have more siblings that aren't as "mean" as me."
"baby"
excited bad seed GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphy"My first was an only child for over a decade. Whatever he wanted he got"
"I had no problem with this since he was my only "baby." I did not realize the damage until I got pregnant again and he had a hard time accepting the new reality of his life. He fought hard to go against it. It took lots of patience, love and therapy for him to understand having a sibling could be great as he is loved as much as his new sibling. Today he is the most loving, caring big brother ever."
The 9 Year Old
"When I realized I was an 'enabler' to my 9 yr old son. He was always difficult and would refuse to go to school, clean up, shower or do anything I would ask of him. All he did was ask me for toys and I would give in, using it as a bribe for him to go to school or start listening etc."
"This went on his whole life. It was getting worse till I realized that my buying him toys was just a patch on a deeper issue, which was him suffering from anxiety and depression. I just hated seeing him so sad or angry, and loved his happy face when he got a new toy."
"A year ago I took him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with anxiety and depression. He's been on meds ever since, and has barely asked for toys, is happy, goes to school and is a pleasure to be around. I swear to God, if I didn't get him diagnosed and carried on as his enabler, I don't know where he would be as a teen or adult."
The Younger One
"Not my kid, but my youngest brother my parents never spoiled me and my older brother because they weren't very financially stable until they had their third kid and me and the oldest spent majority of our childhood at our grandparents while our parents worked."
"After my mam had the third she stopped working because my dad owned his own business and we became really well off (british middle class) and then they had the fourth kid my youngest brother who is 4 now and my mam spends all her time with him and #3 they only noticed how spoiled he was about Christmas last year."
"He gets everything he wants and kicks off whenever he gets punished even if its so much as "you cant play on your xbox for the rest of the day" and now they need to take him to camhs (kids mental health service in the uk) because although he's only four he's become so destructive and stuck up already and its an actual issue."
Motor Issues
"I got a new car at the end of last year when my daughter was almost 15. I kept my old one (2011 Buick Enclave) for several months thinking it would probably make a good first car for her. When I mentioned it to her, she literally said "Nope, I'm not going to drive that thing" in the most embarrassingly entitled way. So I sold it."
"And now rather than a free old car, she's going to have to buy her very own old car (and pay for the insurance). Thankfully she has a job and some time to save her pennies, but she's learning the hard way that my offer was pretty generous and her snotty attitude was all it took for me to rescind it."
NO!
snl spraying GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"With the pandemia, and having to be at home all the time, we bought a lot of things to our 4 year old (books, a trampoline, some toys). One day he got super upset because he wanted something and we said no. We decided we'll give him gifts only on his birthday, children's day and Christmas."
- Lis_9
Nasty Little Fool
"Not a parent (not that old) but a family friend's kid. The little fool is like 9 and is generally more of an a**hole than I am at 17 and am very pissed. He regularly talks crap to people who are more than twice as old, physically harms other kids his age (not seriously but come on) and acts very spoiled the drop of a hat. And his parents complain "idk how he got so spoiled," duh dummy its kinda your fault."
- Maanavdv
#nevergonnastopme
Cute GIFGiphy"I bought mine what ever toy she wanted, let her pretty much own the back yard, pampered her with her with treats. She's also a dog sooooo... yeah going to continue spoiling her. #nevergonnastopme."
See there, a whole lot of people need a good role model to set them straight. Again, I happily volunteer. I'm not saying parenting is easy, but a ton of you can certainly do better. For the world's sake.
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