People Who Only Became A Parent Because Their Partner Wanted Kids Share Their Experiences
Kids are not the ideal option for everyone. Some people are ideally suited to having kids: they want the experience of taking care of and raising another little person with their partner.
But some people are not suited to have kids together. In fact, some people sort of end up playing secondary parent role because they just can't get themselves fully around taking care of a child.
Redditor GymLadyThrowaway asked:
"Parents who didn't want kids but agreed to have them for your partner, do you regret becoming a parent?"
Here were some of those stories.
A Sad Story
"I am the result of someone who shouldn't have had a child for their partner. My mother had me because my father wanted a daughter after already having a son. Which he got."
"However, my mother blamed me for a lot of things she was unhappy about because of it. She said she never got fat until she had me. That I was a brat who acted just like my father."
"(They split when I was 12) She was only nice to me during their divorce when she used me to do things to get back at my dad. She was a cold person to me in general."
"Not only was it clear she didn't love me, she didn't even like me. However, the sun has always risen and set right out my brother's rear end if you ask her."
"As weird as this sounds, I'm almost grateful for it. She taught me what not to do with my own kids. And I know I'm a better parent than she was for it."-Fun_Recording_4935
Now I Love My Bb
"No, I don't. I didn't have one for my partner per se, but got pregnant surprisingly after he was told he was sterile after chemotherapy."
"I had never wanted kids but he had always wanted more (he had a child from a previous relationship) and was thrilled that I was pregnant. The worst part was that he died from cancer before our child was born, so he never got to meet her."
"But I don't regret being a parent, even though I hadn't thought it was in the cards for me. I've definitely grown as a person as a result and cherish having that part of my late partner still here, doing great things and being a great person".
"She's a terrific part of life and I wouldn't change a thing. But I definitely don't want any more children. I'm definitely a 1 child-parent.
"That being said, I can understand people who do have regrets. Being a parent is neither easy nor is everyone capable of it for various reasons."-ComposerBeautiful875
My Daddy!
"My ex revealed after we had our daughter that even though he said he was on board with being a parent before we started trying to get pregnant, he was actually still massively hesitant at the time. Learning that kind of pissed me off."
"But I couldn't stay mad because he told me that while explaining how deeply he loved being a dad and how much that surprised him. He and our kid are two peas in a pod."
"She's two, and she talks about him non-stop. Everything is 'My daddy!' this and 'My daddy'" that. We're not together anymore, but I don't even mind that my daughter seems to prefer him over me because I never had a good relationship with my dad. I love how invested he is in her."
"That being said, I do know people who regret being parents, so I don't recommend doing what my ex did. If you don't want kids enthusiastically, don't potentially ruin your own life and a child's. It really hurts being the child of someone who doesn't know how to love you."-pendulousfunbags
Children can really turn your life around, for better or for worse.
The Opposite Of What You Thought
"Wow. Great question. I DID NOT want kids. After 12 years of marriage, my wife informed me that was always the plan. I quit research, had the first (daughter) and she had the second (son)."
"She was unable to change her lifestyle for said kids. The kids and I suffered emotional, narcissistic abuse for years. They are my best friends, REALLY kind, smart adults."
"I see ex maybe twice a year. You really never know how things will turn out. I do not regret having kids."-string1969
Love And Like Are Not The Same
"Not exactly the thing you're asking for, but...My husband thought he wanted kids. But he quickly realized he doesn't enjoy parenting."
"He's insanely proud of his kids. He also likes doing activities with them on the weekend, but it's the activities he enjoys more than the company. He doesn't enjoy being a dad, and that will never change."
"Me, I enjoy my kids' company. I like talking to them, helping them through things. I stop and appreciate who they are (right now) because they're going to be totally different in a year, and I will regret missing little things once they're grown up. I love the little shit they do."
"He couldn't care less. They annoy him, mostly. But I don't think he regrets them. He loves his kids, but he doesn't like being around them all that much."-GingerMau
Once Again, Worth The Bull
"Ex got pregnant, claimed she was on the pill. Definitely didn't want kids but that changed when my son was born. 13 months later she was pregnant again, and again said she was on the pill."
"Wasn't sure about another kid with her but it happened anyway. And both my sons have turned out to be pretty good kids and now terrific adults. I even got custody when their mom and I divorced."
"This year for my 60th birthday, they took me on a Route 66 road trip. And a month ago, my younger son had a daughter so now I'm a grandpa. I wouldn't have it any other way. I was absolutely miserable most of my marriage but I'd do it again to have my kids."-scottwax
Angry Babies Make History
"If you had asked me this question during the first year, I would have said 'Yes.' Our daughter was (and is still)...something else. Angriest baby I've ever seen."
"It was like she was getting back at us for taking her out of the cozy uterus. Screamed constantly even when completely taken care of (and with no digestive issues)."
"She'd get upset if we cuddled her, she barely smiled or laughed, wouldn't breastfeed, didn't like toys - all the things that are supposed to stir up the bonding chemicals in your brain weren't available to us."
"Meanwhile, we couldn't list a single thing she liked. Weren't even sure we were on that list. We really had a tough time bonding, as a result. We both spent moments wondering if we'd made a mistake becoming parents."
"She just turned 4. She's still the most stubborn, strong-willed human I've ever met - bar none. She can be a massive pain in the @ss."
"She also has a beautiful, vibrant imagination and a deep capacity for kindness. She's eloquent and can make conversation with anyone, kid or adult."
"She loves music, baking, drawing, doing silly voices, telling stories, building things, and now...hugging. She's f**king amazing and one of my favorite people in the world."
"You get to know this entirely new person. And who they are, what they show you about themselves as they get older and can express it in more complex ways, overwhelms every sh*tty moment."
"And eventually, as you understand more and more about them, you start to have less and less of those. Most beautiful experience I've ever had that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I wouldn't do a thing differently if given the choice."-LiterateNoob
But if you lean into the experience of raising a child, you might just find something more deep and lovely than you'd bargained for.
The Saddest State Of Affairs
"Not me, but I know a woman who had a child because her partner (at the time) was pro-life and against abortion. She made herself seem like she was religious etc which was a lie."
"Anyways, it seems like she regrets having that child because she just doesn't give a sh*t. Doesn't take care of her, just let's her play on her cell phone."
"Feeds her nothing but garbage food. Doesn't stay on top of her health, no dr appts or dental appts. The girl has really bad hygiene, matted hair, and has missed so much school she's failing every single class. The daughter notices that her mother doesn't love her."-noorofmyeye24
Legends Only
"My Mrs talked me into it. I never wanted any kids, especially with the state of the world now. Fast forward 3 years and I have a 2-year-old daughter and a newborn daughter."
"They are my world and I love them with all my being. I absolutely don't regret it one bit. My family makes me smile every time I think of them."
"Trick is to set them up for life with knowledge, humility and a decent financial head start. It worries me that it will be hard for them when they're older so I'm currently working my a** off to ensure they have a real good head start in the world. They're awesome. Little legends."-monkeyboyshredshred
A Nudge Or Simply Chance
"Nope. I was always hesitant about having kids. I didn't exactly grow up with positive male role models in my life so I wasn't about to tie myself to a c*nt for the rest of my life by having their child."
"I met my current partner and he expressed his desire to have kids and I told him I was on the fence about it. Eventually I felt I could trust his intentions enough to have a kid with him and so far, so good."
"I love being a parent though, my son is my world and it's incredible watching him grow up."-GreenieBeeNZ
Each and every decision to have a child is personal, and some people may choose, ultimately, never to have or raise a child. That decision is valid.
However, sometimes people need the thing they are the most afraid of. Sometimes, the thing that causes you dread just in thinking about it will become your ultimate life teacher. Having a kid definitely qualifies in that space.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Everyone's parenting styles are different, typically because every child is different. Consulting a thousand different parenting books by a hundred different authors will tell you a million different ways to handle a child. However, there are some rules you see in action and just go, "Huh?"
Reddit user, u/MuthaDaddy1, wanted to hear about the most out-there parents when they asked:
What are some ridiculous parenting rules you've seen people use on their kids?
Man Wakes Up To An Adorable Cat Snuggling Him Following His Surgery—But There's A Hilarious Problem
New Zealand MP Andrew Falloon just shared a photo of his father, who recently underwent surgery and is currently still recovering, on Twitter.
In the photo, his father was asleep on the couch with a furry feline friend, in the most adorable position possible: holding hands!
Falloon's mother had left the house a few minutes prior and had evidently left the door ajar. This allowed the cat to slip inside and cozy up to the recovering man on the couch.
The only problem with this kitty wellness check? The Falloons don't have a cat.
Twitter users were quick to point out that they seem to have inherited one, whether they were looking to or not.
Cats definitely have a mind of their own.
@andrewfalloon That's lovely. Kitty saw someone who needed a cuddle.— 🕯 Hadda Gutfull (@🕯 Hadda Gutfull) 1555223245
@andrewfalloon Cats are quite capable of making their own friends. Ours went and introduced himself to the neighbou… https://t.co/f0gO4CDfW6— Anura Samara (@Anura Samara) 1555223527
Some couldn't get enough of the adorable pose.
Surgery recoveries would be much more pleasant for many people if this was the case:
@andrewfalloon "You have the right to be comforted by a cat. If you do not have a cat, one will be provided for you… https://t.co/3B4iWMMMlU— Metta Bhavana "the individual in question" #jabbed (@Metta Bhavana "the individual in question" #jabbed) 1555234261
"Rescue Human"
@andrewfalloon @MorpheusBeing Nice. Cat went out and got a rescue human. 😂— Thechachi (@Thechachi) 1555228417
Apparently strays finding their way in to a warm human to sleep on is a surprisingly common thing.
@andrewfalloon Yeah, found this guy in my bed yesterday. We also do not have a cat. https://t.co/oKgte5EZjA— Ahmad Childress (@Ahmad Childress) 1555275460
@kittensnotkids @Thechachi1 @andrewfalloon @MorpheusBeing #notmycat appeared when I was going out of my mind waitin… https://t.co/k30Qfg1O8H— Jay (-)(*)astectomy Network (@Jay (-)(*)astectomy Network) 1555276999
Falloon told Mashable:
"I'm just happy Dad's on the mend, and if the photo made a few people smile that's nice too."
He said the biggest change that will come about from the popularity of the photo has less to do with cats and more to do with technology.
He said that his father isn't usually much of a cat person, and told Mashable:
"Now I need to explain to Dad what Twitter is
Whether you're a cat person or not, I think most people would agree that the situations and places they manage to get themselves into boggle the mind.
Contrary to our beliefs when we were kids, our parents are not perfect. They are just trying their best, just like the rest of us.
So sometimes they make mistakes. And they are aware of the mistakes that they make. Most often, they wish they could take those mistakes back.
The best they can do, though, is learn. Just like the rest of us.
u/jonseh asked:
Parents of reddit, what was your worst parenting mistake?
Here were some of the answers.