Curious to hear of unfair legal outcomes, Redditor thecptnswagg asked:
"Lawyers of Reddit, what’s the worst way you’ve seen a person screw over someone else in court whether it be criminal, civil, or divorce proceedings?"
Going Nowhere Fast
"Not my case, but my dad's. He was the equivalent of a Public Defender decades ago. There was this guy that would get caught for being drunk in public, public lewdness, etc. EVERY weekend. He seemed to draw the same judges and was pretty well known to everyone in the courthouse as an absolute lost cause. One of the 'regular' judges had him appear in his court again. The judge is ready to give him a prison sentence because he was driving a car this time, but the guy starts crying that he finally got a job out of town and was trying to turn his life around. Judge tells him as long as he never makes a mistake "in my town again" he would just drop the charges."
"Well sure as hell the guy shows up the following Monday. Same judge. Driving drunk AGAIN. My dad now has his case. The judge tells him he gave him his final chance, to which the guy sobs and replies 'I was leaving town, your Honor. But my friends decided to throw me a going-away party.' The judge was not amused. My dad had to do everything he could to not laugh."
– ZAWolfie
Stolen Trucks
"Represented a guy that stole three trucks from his work. Only two were recovered before trial. He showed up to a motion hearing in the third one."
– Wacocaine
"Work Friends"
"A witness for the plaintiff in a civil suit, who was a co-worker of the plaintiff testified very strongly against the company and in favor of the plaintiff. I questioned her about bias toward the plaintiff, if they knew eachother well, were friends, etc. She said, no just friendly co-workers, 'work friends' at best. I pinned her to it."
"When I got a chance to cross-examine the plaintiff, she had no choice but to burn her witnesses credibility, because no only were they very close friends, but they had become sisters in law just a few years before. (no, they did not have the same last name or anything, but I had done my homework)."
"I still don't get why people want to fight small bias, by destroying their credibility, but ... it happens more than you'd think."
– andthenhesaidrectum
When relationships go awry, just hope you don't wind up in court because of it.
Crazy Ex
"I took my Ex to court because she had used my social security number to sign up for cable. I found out about it when she stopped paying for the service. She screwed herself over by just being herself. We show up to court, I turn in the contract from the cable company ,showing my social security number, and her own name signed on the contract. She didn't even try to forge my signiture, she signed her own name in and tried to deny that she had any part of it. The judge tore her apart and it was nice."
– Hardly_at_Work
Null And Void Marriage
"I had a client who was trying to get away from an abusive ex and filed for a restraining order. He shows up to the final hearing and is making a big fuss about a truck that they bought during their marriage. He said it was just his, and she had no rights to it because their marriage was void."
"I asked him on cross examination what he meant by that, and he said that he had already been married in another state when he married my client. He said that my client had no idea, but that it means their marriage is invalid and the truck was all his."
"Not only is that legally inaccurate, the transcript of the hearing was promptly turned over to the police, who were actively investigating him for bigamy."
"Oh, and the judge gave my client the truck along with a two year no-contact order."
– Quaffle47
Some clients just jeopardized their chances of winning a case.
Self-Destructive Defendant
"Am lawyer, saw someone screw himself."
"I work as a public servant in a criminal law judge's office, and since I have a law degree I don't normally do administrative work, though I get to be with the judge in some of the hearings."
"Last month we had a huge drug trafficking case (I'm talking about 20 or more people involved, months of investigation, undercover agents, videos, audio, the whole ordeal). Hearing lasted three days."
"Anyway when it was time for one of the defendants to be on the stand so the prosecutor could read the charges he was accusing him of (He was pleading not guilty, as he very loudly stated from the majority of the hearing, up until my boss -the judge- told him to shut up or he would be admonished, to which he replied 'what are you gonna do, arrest me?' which, to be honest, was actually a bit funny), the prosecutor, as part of the facts of his case, told him that 'he was being accused of selling, trafficking and carrying x amount of x drugs, with the base of his operation being his house, where he lived with his partner' (Mind you, said partner wasn't even in the hearing, she wasn't arrested or anything as there was nothing tying her to the case) he said 'wait up, I was the one selling the drugs, she didn't do anything.'"
"His lawyer (a state-assigned public lawyer) facepalmed so hard it's actually recorded in the audio of the hearing."
"He still pleaded not guilty."
– mildepan
Show Me The Money
"Not someone else, but my client screwed them-self."
"I’m doing landlord tenant stuff and my client was facing eviction over non-payment, but the client was withholding rent payments because of habitability issues in the apartment, no heat, high lead levels, vermin. This is gonna be an easy win for me."
"Told my client continually to make sure they don’t spend the money, keep it but don’t spend it. Because if you show the judge you still have the money it looks real good for you in terms of making the judge believe that you’re withholding for good reasons."
"We get up in front of the judge, landlord doesn’t have an attorney so I’m dancing inside, there’s no way I can lose."
"I make my arguments and the landlord makes his."
"Judge asks my client if they still have the money."
"Client goes 'nah I blew that sh*t at the casino last week.'”
– anon
TMI
"Not court, but Live PD traffic stop I was watching and the guy told the officer 'I have caffeine pills in my back pocket' gets them out puts them on the hood, everyone’s chill... dude then comes clean and says it’s Molly and the officers look at each other and go 'do we even have a test kit for that?' other officer says 'no' dudes face just shows he should have kept his mouth shut."
– BAMyouhavetheclap
Volunteering Information
"Sitting waiting for my client and the judge is giving a mass colloquy for an alternative program on a DUI. Basically probation."
"Question - Has anyone consumed alcohol or taken drugs in the last 24 hours?"
"Obvious answer aside, one dude proudly raises his hand - 'I smoked some dope last night...'"
"He did not get probation."
– MrPGH
You Get A Code
"Kind of a self-screw but the MPAA entered DVD Jon's code for breaking DVD copy protection as part of their lawsuit into their evidence which then became public record. The code that breaks DVD copy protection was now available to the entire world, defeating the entire purpose of their lawsuit."
– tensigh
While taking someone to court is already a gut punch, the craziest outcomes based on the majority of the responses in this thread was when a client jeopardized the outcome of their own case.
The final verdict is, guilty of brain cell depletion.
But in the land of not make-believe–where real-life people are litigious without hesitation–what would happen if these evildoers had a proper day in court?
That is something Redditor Lukegamer2 explored by asking strangers online:
"Lawyers of Reddit, what Disney or Pixar villain would you have the easiest time defending?"
Were these villains guilty of just being unpopular?
Ratatouille's Hot-Tempered Sous Chef
"Chef Skinner."
"I'd almost feel guilty charging money defending this case."
– ksozay
Secondary Pirates Antagonist
"I think Cutler Beckett never technically broke the law since he had the governor writing loopholes for him when hunting down the pirates in Pirates 2 and 3 so Cutler Beckett. I wouldn't even need to do anything."
– User Deleted
Brat Story
"Sid. No one is going to charge a kid destroying toys with a crime."
– theassassintherapist
"Sid was genuinely horrified to learn that toys were alive. The boy legitimately did nothing wrong."
– Slant_Juicy
Placement On The Food Chain
"Kaa, Finding Nemo's barracuda, the Lion King's Hyenas, and similar 'villains.' They're just trying to eat. Sorry nature put the protagonist on the menu."
– ccReptilelord
These characters were definitely wicked, but would the judge grant leniency for their indiscretions?
The Master Of Deceit
"Jafar. Separate from the law of Agrabah being super interesting to learn about, his actions tend to be more deceitful than outright illegal, except where he became sultan, and therefore may have had immunity. Magic seems to be not super common, so there may not be any laws regarding coercion by magic. Separate from assaulting Aladdin, who he never actually managed to hit outside the Cave of Wonders, I’m not sure there are a lot of outright laws he broke."
– begoniann
The Super Jealous Uncle
"Scar, the only evidence was a coerced confession while a deadly weapon was held to his throat."
– Anonymous4mysake
The Case For Gaston
"In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston ate four dozen eggs daily when he was a child. That’s fourty-eight eggs a day. As an adult he adds another dozen, tallying up to sixty eggs a day. This is nothing short of genocide."
"My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. Helpless at the claws of the chickens, the people of France were preparing to abandon their country, when a lone child stepped forward. 'I’ll eat the eggs,' a young Gaston bellowed, 'And I will save our homeland.' And so it was, Gaston ate and ate until he was roughly the size of a barge. How the cholesterol didn’t kill him can only be attributed to his inhuman fortitude. This is where the story turns tragic."
"What Gaston hadn’t accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. As he aged, he ate more and more, and with the chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially. There’s a scene during Gaston’s song where he motions to a wall full of his hunting trophies. But why are they there? Does he own the bar? No, he sold them for egg money. The fact he never brings up his egg addiction or his prior heroism can be attributed to another one of Gaston’s defining character traits: his struggle to be emotionally open, and his modesty. It’s not easy being the man who saved France."
"I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. He didn’t have time for an education; he sacrificed his upbringing for his countrymen. He can’t even hold a book correctly. What Gaston wants to say, what he’s struggling to articulate, is 'Belle, I’m dying. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered.' Belle cruelly mocks him, which goes to make you wonder who the real beast is."
"When Gaston sees the Beast in the mirror, two thoughts run through his head. First, he sees his countrymen in danger once more, and despite being riddled with egg-tumors, wants to lead the masses to one last charge of glory since fighting for France is all he knows. Second, he realizes Beast’s head is about a month’s worth of egg-money. So he sieges the castle, and in one of Disney’s most tragic moments, plummets to his death."
"Another reason Gaston wants to marry Belle is because, as mentioned above, all he knows how to do is to fight for France and its people. Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he’s not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. One look at that war machine and Gaston hatched a plan; marry Belle, and get close enough to Maurice to talk him down. Mind you, he did love Belle, and wanted to be the father of her children, but the danger presented by Maurice forced his plan into action immediately. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). All in all, the failure was one of articulation."
"Gaston is the protagonist of Beauty and the Beast."
– The_Gutgrinder
It's all about the accomplices here.
Reduced Sentence For Mr. Snoops
"Mr Snoops, from The Rescuers. Definitely guilty of being an accomplice to the kidnapping of a child, but I could get a reduced sentence based on the fact he wanted to end the scheme earlier and cut their losses on other precious gems that Penny had recovered. He also looked out for Penny's safety and prevented her from dying before Medusa came to the scene to force her to recover the Devil's Eye on pain of death."
– res30stupid
Court Comedy
"Yzma if only because that means Kronk would have to testify under oath. And you know he would be a blast to watch in court."
– inksmudgedhands
Time For The Hunt
"What about Clayton from Tarzan? I think at the time it wasn't illegal to catch wild animals in foreign (colonialized) countries. Morally reprehensive, but not illegal."
– raxeira-etterath
Oh, Deer
"Similarly, the hunter from Bambi. Assuming it was deer season, he did nothing illegal."
– Rhania506
Can't Touch Him
"Hades Dudes a god what's a.judge gonna a do."
– Sea_Mechanic5745
It Does Beg The Question
"Do human laws punish non-humans?"
– Pharah_is_my_waIfu
The Answer Is...
"Yes."
"There's actually a couple famous stories of animals - mostly elephants - being put on trial for murdering their abusive handlers. There's also how old laws considered the act of bestiality, with the animal being considered a 'Guilty Party' and executed alongside the human who committed the act. I also think there's a case where a human was exonerated for the crime because he was raped by a bear (he didn't survive, BTW)."
"Also, this has come up in at least one episode of Murder, She Wrote where a dog was going to be put down and disinherited for killing his master after being made the heir to his will, when it appeared the dog had intentionally closed the remote-controlled gates to the estate and killed his owner."– res30stupid
We don't know how lawyers would actually approach the case if they represented these characters.
But one thing is certain. It would make for a great spin-off of Law & Order–Fairytale Crimes.
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Redditor BrunoDeFarnese wanted to hear about all the stories that still haunt lawyers. They asked:
"Reddit lawyers, what is the scariest thing a client has confessed/said to you?"
I've always wondered about this. It happens in movies. But does it happen in real life?
Unbearable
Sad Season 9 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"I once had a client’s mental state deteriorate over time. They went from relatively normal to complaining of ghosts in their home and their house being bugged in a matter of months. It was equal parts scary and very sad to watch it happen."
ghostdogtheconquerer
The Worst
"Their murders."
berklythrowaway
"Admission of guilt to your lawyer makes it harder to defend a client, at least where I practice, that takes any defenses off the table where you argue they didn't do it. So now you not only have the trauma of knowing these details, they've also made your job way harder."
Disruptorpistol
Criminal Law
"Had a client who was charged with assault with a deadly weapon against his wife. He had a few past charges that were similar. Fairly typical domestic violence situation. He claimed it was blown out of proportion, yada yada. I got a pretty good plea deal for him and advised him to take it."
"He told me he wanted to go to trial. I told him that when his wife testifies against him, he’d lose pretty fast. He looked me in the eye and told me that his wife would not be attending the trial. I knew better than to ask questions. Sure enough, his wife did not attend the trial. Case dismissed for lack of witness."
"A win for the good guys? I hope he just made up with her and she chose not to appear, but I’ve always wondered if he did something to make sure of it. He sounded pretty confident when he told me she wouldn’t be there. I got out of criminal law in a hurry after that."
LooieKablooie
Grandpa
"I work in patent law, so we don't really get 'scary' per se. Grandfather came in with several inventions... actually the entire family came which was weird. He was very proud of his inventions, and explicitly stated that they needed the money the inventions would make and the money would go to the whole family to support them. His family getting an inheritance basically rested on these inventions."
"The inventions were extremely simple concepts that had been around for probably 30+ years. I politely got all of the information. I then put together a report, and it was honestly scary. How do you write something that shatters this elderly mans (and his families) dreams?"
lordnecro
The Robot
Steve Little Lawyer GIF by The GrinderGiphy"His wife was an alien robot and so was the President, and he was going to kill them and all other robots. Straight to the psych ward for paranoid schizophrenia."
It_Could_Be_True
Details
Sad Science Fiction GIF by Paramount+Giphy"They killed someone when detailing the case to me."
Huuntergamer45
Intertwined...
“'I am a Mexican cartel member' —US Immigration Attorney."
Odd_Author_76
"In LATAM, organized crime and everyday life intertwine quite often, it is quite common to bump into people with some degree of involvement or who had dealings with them in the past, I live in an upper middle class neighborhood and all of the businesses around my house had yo get an 'ok' to operate."
Much_Committee_9355
Hidden
"My husband was the lawyer not me, but one guy had been hiding in the attic of his small apartment building and when my husband went to talk to him he was so out of it on meth and paranoid that he accused my husband of working for the county whatever that means."
Chutneyonegaishimasu
Panama papers...
"I do corporate structure and wealth management so I don’t get much action, but I’ve had clients admitting over the phone casually to every white collar crime known to man, insider trading, money laundering, tax evasion schemes I would get once a week. I’m pretty ok if what you are doing is fu**ing over either some big corporate or the government."
"But probably the scariest stuff, was during the Panama papers, while I was still an intern, I got a call from my boss off hours and to get to the office ASAP, I just went to the office had no idea what was going on and started shredding clients papers who might or might not have something to do on tax heavens."
Much_Committee_9355
To the Grave
serious joe pesci GIFGiphy"I had to surrender my law license last week b/c of an early dementia diagnosis. Although I no longer carry a bar card, the secrets disclosed by clients, over the last 30 years, will die with me."
PraylikeTomAmes
Asking for a friend...
"I was always told you never lie to your lawyer or doctor. If I killed someone would a lawyer want to know the truth to better prepare for a case or do I keep my mouth shut? If I do admit to a heinous crime can the lawyer just refuse to defend me and then testify against me. Asking for a friend."
crusttysack
calibrated...
"I feel like my meter is calibrated differently, I feel like what is scary to some people doesn't phase me and I can't even think of really scary things. Except the time I worked with some mentally ill defendants and when visiting, he pulled a pen inkwell that he had sharpened out of his ass and threatened to harm himself in front of me."
"I was behind glass and safe, but having to talk him down was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. He probably couldn't have seriously injured himself, but the moment was very scary."
jonesie1988
Period GIF by ALLBLKRIP
"I had a client who’s employee got drunk, went home and beat his wife to death R.I.P. it was in the paper!"
Thewhitewhale22
Criminal
"Other than a few cases, I didn't mind my criminal clients. I felt bad for the majority of them. They weren't bad people, they were people who were horrible childhoods, didn't finish high school, some kind of addiction problem, etc. They literally did not have the knowledge or ability to make good decisions. And a couple of bad people thrown in there.But Family Law? No thank you."
unabashedlyabashed
Secrets
"I became a lawyer b/c of Brendan Sullivan at Williams & Connelly. I was fortunate enough to also be a law professor (evidence and the law of testamentary privilege). Sullivan once said in an interview that he wanted his epitaph to read 'here lie the secrets'. I want nothing less and if I were to tell secrets, it would rob me of my professional pride and dignity."
PraylikeTomAmes
Godspeed, Esquire...
"My former boss, a lawyer of more than 40 years, passed in 2015. I know some of the secrets with which he was burdened but I know there were much, much worse things he carried alone. When he got sick in 2013 and knew dementia would eventually come for him, he would often joke and say, 'Now, when I lose my mind, don’t think you’re going to get any secrets out of me.'"
"Although those of us around him didn’t feel so confident, he’d made up his mind. And he didn’t. He told us he was still married to his long-departed first wife. He had fabulous visits with his mother, who had passed on more than 30 years prior. He lived a lot in his college days."
"Not once, however, did he utter a single clients name. Not the most eccentric family law client nor the most dangerous criminal client. Not a single one was mentioned. I sense you to have made up your mind. I’m sorry for your diagnosis but know you’re obviously a hell of a lawyer. Godspeed, Esquire."
Shiftn4ward
Season 2 Lawyer GIF by MartinGiphyThe 22...
"Its a catch-22. The real answer is it depends. There are several possible ways to defend such a case. First is to make a strong case that it wasn't you. Second, is to impeach the prosecutions case, and undermine the certainty that it was you such that you get let off on reasonable doubt."
"Third, is some type of justification or mitigation defense: You did it, but it was legally justified, or you did it, but here is why you should get the lesser charge. Knowing the truth will help your lawyer formulate trial strategy, and better advise you during plea negotiation."
"However, when you admit doing it, it becomes hard/impossible to ethically present evidence exonerating you, that your attorney knows to be false. It is generally a bad idea to try to commit fraud on the court, your attorney cannot knowingly help you, but if your situation is desperate enough, it may actually be your best bet, but you can't ask your attorney about it!"
monty845
It's a good thing I'm not a lawyer. I'd be taking out AD space online with these stories.
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"Lawyers of Reddit, what is the most f'ked up case that you have fought or seen?"
The court room is now open. Brace yourselves
Some people should never be parents.
Unfit Mother
"A woman was alone with her baby after her husband got deployed. This was not long after the baby was born. Then the baby passed away, and the body had some strange bruising. The mother insisted the baby crawled out of her sight and fell down the stairs. The case ultimately got reassigned from our office, and the mother was pissed. She told the primary lawyer on the case that she had indeed killed the baby. She basically bragged about it, and she had zero remorse at all. Seeing the infant's autopsy photos was absolutely horrific."
Cruel Punishment
"Dependency case where a single father dipped his toddler in boiling water because he was crying about some silly toddler thing. Kid was severely burned over his whole body. They were trying to re-unify them."
Unwanted
"Worse I've heard was a divorce case where both parties fought to NOT have the kids stay with them. It's so depressive to think about the children in that case."
– maximef1
Punishing A Teen
"IANAL, I work for one."
"We represented a family who tried to ruin a teenage boy's life. They fabricated police reports, falsely claimed he stole expensive electronics from them, and took their claims to the very uninterested school the boy attended. When cops tried to investigate, the family evaded the investigator and lied to him."
"Why do all this? The family's son was crushing on a girl they were hosting in their home. She chose to date the boy in question over the son. All three kids were classmates."
"The boy got a hefty settlement from the family. This case was outside our typical areas of practice, but they came from a friend of the attorney."
These clients were innocent of their wild allegations.
Insult To Injury
"Represented a painter getting sued on a construction defect job. The painter was hired to paint building 2 and 3. He showed up for work, performed the work, and on his way home got into a terrible car accident leaving him paralyzed from the neck down."
"He was sued several years later for water intrusion defects related to buildings 7-9 (Which he didn't work on). Felt terrible for the guy."
– nicbus07
The No-Show
"Client insisted on suing an employee who failed to show up to work which caused a contract to be cancelled."
"The employee didn't show up to work because he died."
Prank Gone Wrong
"Case told to me by another lawyer on one of my cases: two guys decided to give a marijuana laced brownie to their co-worker without telling him it marijuana in it... right before he started his shift... as a crane operator. It went predictably badly, resulted in an accident and even their union agreed the guys should be fired."
These cases involved criminals who have done unspeakable acts of horror.
The Lying Inmate
"In a pro bono program, I was assigned to handle the request of an inmate to be released after serving 2/3rd of his sentence. When I read his file, I discovered that he was convicted for kidnapping a woman, tying her to the right front wheel of his jeep and torturing her to death with some sort of home made flamethrower. When I went to see the guy, he denied everything, and told me he was appealing the verdict (which legally was not possible anymore)."
"It was really weird sitting in a room with this guy, knowing what he was convicted of, and knowing that he'd been denying the conviction for almost 20 years."
"Needless to say, his request to be released early was denied."
"Edit: People have been asking questions about the sentence he got. He got life in prison, which makes you eligible for early release after ten years (first offence) or 14 years (recidive) in Belgium. The death penalty was abolished in 1996."
People Share Their Best 'Whoa, It Worked' Moments | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Mentally Unstable
"A sociopath in a psych ward making suicide pacts with vulnerable people and never following through. Charged with murder, determined he was too out of his mind to be accountable. Gonna be in an asylum for the next two decades unless something major changes within the case."
Animal Cruelty
"Not a lawyer, but used to work in a law firm. One attorney told me about a case he was trying where the defendant was up for animal abuse charges."
"What did he do? Well, he and his wife were going through a nasty divorce and he had moved out and started living with a friend. One weekend, he knew his wife and kids were away, so he got hammered and decided to go f'k up the house. This dude totally trashed it. But the worst part, he took his kids new kitten and placed it in the microwave & turned it on. He left it there for them to find."
"F'king disgusting psycho."
We could use a bit of levity.
The following will provide just that. Not all cases are gloom and doom.
Saving Mermaids
"I'm here to provide comedic relief!"
"My buddy is an attorney and was working on a case against some company that was dumping pollution in a large, local body of water that had a direct opening to the ocean."
"He gets a letter from an incredibly concerned local dude. He wrote this LONG LETTER begging my buddy's team to do all they can to win the case against the polluting company for the sake of the... mermaids that were living in that local body of water."
"He had seen them often guys. He had been trying to befriend them for quite a while now and was concerned for their well-being and for the possibility that they would move out to the ocean to find a cleaner home if the company kept dumping pollution into their area. I wish I could find that pic of part of the letter."
"In case you are as concerned as he was, fear not! My buddy's team won the case and that company is no longer dumping their waste in that body of water"
Wildly Determined
"My uncle lawyer helped a relative with a traffic ticket. Relative was conspiracy nut and wanted to take it to court to 'reveal the lies.' Uncle just paid the fine and told her she won."
Wayward Ice Cream Particle
"Not really f*cked up, but amusing: my dad won a case against Baskin Robins 30 years ago, because his client chipped her tooth on a pistachio shell while eating pistachio ice cream. No warning label. I don't remember the settlement amount, but it was hefty."
While most TV courtroom dramas are fiction, they can be inspired by actual events.
Certain episodes from programs like How To Get Away With Murder, The Good Wife, and all the Law & Order shows can pull from real-life news headlines and be overly dramatized for our entertainment.
However, it is very unfortunate that some of the most horrendous acts carried out by human beings in the real world are not a manifestation of a writer's imagination.