Disney and Pixar villains wreak havoc on our favorite protagonists and justice ends up being served by severe punishment–ultimately resulting in their demise.
But in the land of not make-believe–where real-life people are litigious without hesitation–what would happen if these evildoers had a proper day in court?
That is something Redditor Lukegamer2 explored by asking strangers online:
"Lawyers of Reddit, what Disney or Pixar villain would you have the easiest time defending?"
Were these villains guilty of just being unpopular?
Ratatouille's Hot-Tempered Sous Chef
"I'd almost feel guilty charging money defending this case."
Secondary Pirates Antagonist
"I think Cutler Beckett never technically broke the law since he had the governor writing loopholes for him when hunting down the pirates in Pirates 2 and 3 so Cutler Beckett. I wouldn't even need to do anything."
– User Deleted
"Sid. No one is going to charge a kid destroying toys with a crime."
"Sid was genuinely horrified to learn that toys were alive. The boy legitimately did nothing wrong."
Placement On The Food Chain
"Kaa, Finding Nemo's barracuda, the Lion King's Hyenas, and similar 'villains.' They're just trying to eat. Sorry nature put the protagonist on the menu."
These characters were definitely wicked, but would the judge grant leniency for their indiscretions?
The Master Of Deceit
"Jafar. Separate from the law of Agrabah being super interesting to learn about, his actions tend to be more deceitful than outright illegal, except where he became sultan, and therefore may have had immunity. Magic seems to be not super common, so there may not be any laws regarding coercion by magic. Separate from assaulting Aladdin, who he never actually managed to hit outside the Cave of Wonders, I’m not sure there are a lot of outright laws he broke."
The Super Jealous Uncle
"Scar, the only evidence was a coerced confession while a deadly weapon was held to his throat."
The Case For Gaston
"In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston ate four dozen eggs daily when he was a child. That’s fourty-eight eggs a day. As an adult he adds another dozen, tallying up to sixty eggs a day. This is nothing short of genocide."
"My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. Helpless at the claws of the chickens, the people of France were preparing to abandon their country, when a lone child stepped forward. 'I’ll eat the eggs,' a young Gaston bellowed, 'And I will save our homeland.' And so it was, Gaston ate and ate until he was roughly the size of a barge. How the cholesterol didn’t kill him can only be attributed to his inhuman fortitude. This is where the story turns tragic."
"What Gaston hadn’t accounted for was developing an addiction to the eggs. As he aged, he ate more and more, and with the chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially. There’s a scene during Gaston’s song where he motions to a wall full of his hunting trophies. But why are they there? Does he own the bar? No, he sold them for egg money. The fact he never brings up his egg addiction or his prior heroism can be attributed to another one of Gaston’s defining character traits: his struggle to be emotionally open, and his modesty. It’s not easy being the man who saved France."
"I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. He didn’t have time for an education; he sacrificed his upbringing for his countrymen. He can’t even hold a book correctly. What Gaston wants to say, what he’s struggling to articulate, is 'Belle, I’m dying. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered.' Belle cruelly mocks him, which goes to make you wonder who the real beast is."
"When Gaston sees the Beast in the mirror, two thoughts run through his head. First, he sees his countrymen in danger once more, and despite being riddled with egg-tumors, wants to lead the masses to one last charge of glory since fighting for France is all he knows. Second, he realizes Beast’s head is about a month’s worth of egg-money. So he sieges the castle, and in one of Disney’s most tragic moments, plummets to his death."
"Another reason Gaston wants to marry Belle is because, as mentioned above, all he knows how to do is to fight for France and its people. Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he’s not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. One look at that war machine and Gaston hatched a plan; marry Belle, and get close enough to Maurice to talk him down. Mind you, he did love Belle, and wanted to be the father of her children, but the danger presented by Maurice forced his plan into action immediately. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). All in all, the failure was one of articulation."
"Gaston is the protagonist of Beauty and the Beast."
It's all about the accomplices here.
Reduced Sentence For Mr. Snoops
"Mr Snoops, from The Rescuers. Definitely guilty of being an accomplice to the kidnapping of a child, but I could get a reduced sentence based on the fact he wanted to end the scheme earlier and cut their losses on other precious gems that Penny had recovered. He also looked out for Penny's safety and prevented her from dying before Medusa came to the scene to force her to recover the Devil's Eye on pain of death."
"Yzma if only because that means Kronk would have to testify under oath. And you know he would be a blast to watch in court."
Time For The Hunt
"What about Clayton from Tarzan? I think at the time it wasn't illegal to catch wild animals in foreign (colonialized) countries. Morally reprehensive, but not illegal."
"Similarly, the hunter from Bambi. Assuming it was deer season, he did nothing illegal."
Can't Touch Him
"Hades Dudes a god what's a.judge gonna a do."
It Does Beg The Question
"Do human laws punish non-humans?"
The Answer Is...
"There's actually a couple famous stories of animals - mostly elephants - being put on trial for murdering their abusive handlers. There's also how old laws considered the act of bestiality, with the animal being considered a 'Guilty Party' and executed alongside the human who committed the act. I also think there's a case where a human was exonerated for the crime because he was raped by a bear (he didn't survive, BTW).""Also, this has come up in at least one episode of Murder, She Wrote where a dog was going to be put down and disinherited for killing his master after being made the heir to his will, when it appeared the dog had intentionally closed the remote-controlled gates to the estate and killed his owner."
We don't know how lawyers would actually approach the case if they represented these characters.
But one thing is certain. It would make for a great spin-off of Law & Order–Fairytale Crimes.
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Life is full of mysteries. And while we seem to be cognizant of many of life's miracles, it's obvious there is still much to discover within the vastness of our existence.
Much of the world's known facts are fascinating–some even inspiring.
But there are some facts that are just downright ominous and unsettling to an extent where ignorance is bliss.
Curious to explore what these might be, Redditor Vacancier1807 asked:
"What are some VERY creepy facts?"
These medical anomalies are very unsettling.
The Right Match
"If you get a blood transfusion and get the wrong type of blood (A, B, O, AB) one of the symptoms is 'a sense of impending doom.'"
Don't Underestimate Beauty
"There's a tiny little jellyfish which can induce the same sensation of impending doom... Along with some serious pain and likely hospitalization. It's only tiny as well, about the size of a fingernail, although the tentacles are much longer, maybe about a meter long."
"It's called the Irukandji jellyfish."
"There is a genetic disease called fibrodisplaysia ossificans progresiva. When tissue is damaged, it is replaced with bone."
"Growths form underneath their skin and their joints lock solid. So over time, those affected slowly become encased in a prison of bone just beneath their own skin."
"They usually have to choose between sitting or standing up for the rest of their life. By the end of their life they have to drink every meal through a straw and can barely move"
Invincible Micro Killers
"Bacteria and viruses can be frozen for millions of years and still be viably infectious, and having never encountered humanity before, could have no end of catastrophic results should they be uncovered and manage to infect a person or animal."
"Not to worry though, it’s not like millions of ancient pathogens are currently trapped in permafrost which is now melting bit by bit each and every day..."
The unpredictable things people do are confounding.
Monster Among Us
"The Colombian serial killer Pedro Alonso Lopez, who is known as the Monster of the Andes, murdered over 300 girls from Ecuador, Peru and Colombia. However, after he was caught and imprisoned for 18 years, he was put in a psychiatric hospital. There he was reviewed, declared to be sane and was set free, in spite of his blatant avowal that he fully intends to kill again. Since he was released in 1998, nobody knows where he is or what he’s doing. ( He is supposed to be 71 years old at present).He is known for being the most prolific killer ever."
"Over 90% of Serial Killers choose their victims through sexual desire. In fact, many serial killers have been caught because they returned to the body of their victims to pleasure themselves."
"Rosemary Kennedy was JFK’s sister. She suffered from oxygen deprivation at birth and that unfortunately stunted her mental growth. She had a pretty decent childhood, but as she grew older she began to act out. Afraid that her behavior would risk his political career, her father, Joseph, agreed to have her lobotomized. Her mother, Rose, was against it and forbade him from doing it. So he did it behind her back when she went on a trip."
"After the operation, Rosemary’s already low IQ was lowered even further, to the point she could no longer walk or communicate. Her family had her locked up in an institution and basically disowned her. They never visited and never publicly acknowledged her anymore. Rosemary died at the age of 86. Her mother never forgave her husband for what he had done."
Preference For Flesh
"Remember that bath salts cannibal guy from a couple years back?"
"He wasn't high on bath salts when he did that. That was just media speculation and bullsh*t. They only found pot in his system during the autopsy."
"We still have no idea why he flipped out."
Consider this perspective.
What Separates Us From The Animals
"Humans eyes dont reflect light at night like animals do. I like to say this fact to my wife at a camp fire."
"Your eyes have a separate immune system from the rest of your body. If they get damaged in such a way that it affects anything other than your eyes, your regular immune system can attack the damage and will not recognise them, meaning your own body can permanently blind you."
"What's worse, your body cannot tell the difference between either eye. If one of them gets infected or damaged, your immune system can attack your healthy eye and take away your sight entirely."
I know for a fact that the creepiest thing in existence is the Island of the Dolls located in the channels of Xochimilco, Mexico.
It's an island where people have unceremonisouly hung dolls from the tree on the island.
No one really knows who and when it started. Legend has it the island's former occupant believed the dolls warded off spirits–including that of a girl who drowned in the waters near the island.
I won't be making a stop there on a river cruise anytime soon. Creepy.
People are often impressed by those who are multilingual–mainly because they can't imagine having the ability to communicate with others in different languages themselves.
Equally respected individuals are those who can play multiple musical instruments. Sure, playing the piano alone is impressive. But if a pianist can also play the bass and drums–essentially being their own one-person band–that is also a major wow factor.
So if you had the option to have the capacity for one or the other, which would it be?
That is the query Redditor MrJoelDude posed online, asking:
"Would you rather be the best at speaking every language or be the best at playing every instrument? Why?"
Things kicked off with wisecracks.
"does either skill require upkeep of any kind?"
"will these skills diminish if I don't keep them sharp?"
As In "Be Flat"
"No they will Bb."
"Pack it up folks the comment section has been won."
The Hits Keep Coming
"He's A natural."
"I C what you did there."
But, seriously, folks.
Here's what music lovers had to say.
An Introvert Responds
"Ooh, that's tough. Speaking every language would be so amazing, because you could communicate with literally anyone. You could talk to anyone on the whole planet, and I bet you could also get a fantastic, well-paid job with that skill."
"But I don't like people all that much. I'd find it much more personally satisfying to be able to be able to play any instrument. How amazing it would be, to be able to express myself with any instrument that exists. You could also be a musician and that would be way better for me than being an interpreter. So I'd have to go with that."
"As a professional translator with musical aspirations, this is one of the hardest questions for me. Obviously, the languages would make me the most useful person in the office and I'd be set for life, but being able to play every instrument has been a dream of mine since I was a kid and it would allow me to make all the music I've always wanted to but didn't know anyone with the right skills and interests."
"Instrument. I am scared of social interaction."
What Legends Are Made Of
"Also great to learn if you're highly social and want fans the world over. I don't think people realize the significance of this premise. You'd be the very best in the world at every musical instrument. Better than Hendrix, Page, Clapton, SRV, Chuck Berry, David Gilmour, Van Halen, Prince, Mark Knopfler etc. at the guitar."
"Better than Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy, Thelonious Monk, Kieth Jarrett, Duke, Art Tatum, and every 9 year old prodigy ever at piano. Better than Miles at the trumpet and Coltrane at the sax. Better than Gene Krupa, Stewart Copeland, John Bonham, Danny Carey, Neil Peart, Buddy Rich, etc. at the drums. Better than Les Claypool, Jaco Pastorius, Mingus, Bootsy Collins, Wooten, Cliff Burton, Geddy Lee at the bass. All at the same time."
"You could easily make it as a studio or live session musician but if that musical ability came with a bit of songwriting/compositional talent/luck than you could release some of the greatest music ever. Nobody who has a legitimate discography of some of the greatest music ever remains a nobody for long—especially in the age of the internet."
"Obviously one could make an argument that songwriting ability matters far more than raw musicianship and that person would probably point to artists like The Beatles and Kurt Cobain who were far from the greatest musicians of their respective ages—or any age—but still managed to write timeless, classic, hit music, but raw musicianship can still go a long way in allowing one to manifest one's creativity."
The art of language spoke to these Redditors.
Hear Me Roar
"Speak every language. I’ve always wanted to speak T-Rex."
"Language. If it's every language, it means I could speak dead languages and translate some of the oldest texts in the world. That would be super cool."
"I am a world traveling professional musician. I can play a handful of instruments but I can only speak one language. To have access to a foreign language while abroad in say ,India where there many. Would be a super power. To sing to people in there own tounges everywhere I go would be a treasure to myself and my audience. The absolute hardest and most dangerous part about traveling the world is not knowing the language."
Would Be Outta This World
"Every language because I would dress like C-3PO and mess with people."
Because I love to travel, I would prefer the ability to speak multiple languages.
But either way, the ability to speak different languages or play different instruments are great options.
Since communication has the powerful potential to bring people from different backgrounds together–whether through the universal appeal of music or through common language–it could greatly benefit much of humanity.
If you’re anything like me, you spent your childhood dreaming about getting your Hogwarts letter, thinking about what you wanted to learn, and ignoring your real class schedule in favor of making an O.W.L. schedule.
Chances are, you never thought about the negative side of the wizarding school. Magic, however, is dangerous, especially when it can be used by youngsters.
The fact that the teenagers in the Harry Potter books didn’t abuse magic in any way is nothing short of a miracle.
We know how teenagers are. They’re adventurous, emotional, creative, and a little crazy. With access to magic, all of that would be amplified. There’s no way teenagers wouldn’t find ways to abuse magic at Hogwarts.
Curious to know how exactly magic would be abused, Redditor Animeking1108 asked:
“How would teenagers realistically misuse magic at Hogwarts?”
Watch What You Drink
"Those things are literal roofies if you're so inclined to use them that way. If the books were in any way realistic Viktor Krum would have had his pumpkin juice roofied on an hourly basis."
"The flip side would also be super common: "out of love" potions. Especially if love potions were banned or punished severely. If you can't make your crush love you, the next best thing is making them forget about their crush."
"I'm shocked I scrolled as far as I did to find this response; it was my first thought. Teenagers think they've found the love of their life and will just die if their love is unrequited."
"Source: Was a teenager once upon a time..."
"Eye Of Rabbit, Harp String Hum..."
"Turning water into rum."
"I’ll keep my eyebrows, thanks."
The Obvious Answer
"Every year there's a different boy who ends up in the infirmary after using engorgio on his d*ck and fainting from the rush of blood."
"More like every week..."
"The female equivalent is using that spell on their breasts…only for their sheer weight to break their spine."
Bibbity, Bobbity, Be Careful!
"After reading these, I think there would be a big market on putting a parental lock on certain spells on wands bought for kids."
"The wand system they have is basically giving every preteen a very complicated gun, and hope they don't learn how to pull most of its triggers."
"You saw that when James Potter suspended Snapes in the air for no reason. Bullying would be 100 times worse."
"God it would be so much worse. In primary school the strong bully the weak overwhelmingly. But then things gets flipped on their head in Hogwarts. Physical strength is no longer an advantage, all that matters is magical ability. So many of these weak or small kids who have been bullied for their whole lives get a taste of actual power and want revenge. So they repeat the cycle, particularly against those they think would have bullied them without magic. And they are merciless channeling years of pent-up aggression against anyone who doesn’t pose a real magical threat."
Spells Going Awry
"avada kedavra rampages would be more common."
"Imagine the number of accidental deaths because you Wingardium Levio-SAH your classmates."
What They Require
"The room of requirements would probably be a sex room."
"Or a place to grow magically enchanted weed plants"
"Who said it isn't?"
"“It’s also known as the come and go room”"
Accio Anything I Want
"Using spells to steal things"
"As far a I can remember, we don't know the limitations of Accio. Does the thing you summon have to be yours? Harry summoned the trophy in Goblet of Fire in the cemetery. What about distance? Harry summons his broom from the castle while being in the quidditch stadium."
The International Statute of Secrecy
"Muggle Born students would get expelled because they posted videos of themselves performing magic on social media."
"wifi connection to their brain."
That Would Be Useful
"I personally need a steady supply of something to make my hangover disappear"
Since I’m an adult, I would never abuse magic that way. Hogwarts letter, where art thou?
Humans are the dumbest species.
It's a scientific fact!!
Ok, maybe not THE dumbest, but we're up there.
How many times have you stood there, jaw on the floor, in a conversation or listening to a conversation and you thought...
Do you hear you?
It's a scary world out there when you hear what other believe to be true.
Redditor SzyMeX335 wanted to hear about the shockingly stupid things people take as truth.
"What is the dumbest thing people actually thought is real?"
I have lost the thread when it comes to humans. We're dumb. The end.
That's MattRidley Scott Nyff 2015 GIF by Film at Lincoln CenterGiphy
"When we went to see the Martian in theaters, at the end some woman behind us told her friend, “I can’t believe I missed this. When did this happen?'"
"I was told a great story by a friend who attended a town meeting addressing the locals 5G mast concerns. In attendance was a representative from the network company."
"A selection of people were permitted to take the mic and rant for hours about how they'd all been getting headaches, feeling more low than usual, flowers had been wilting, their dog wasn't himself, all manner of things blamed on 5G."
"Several hours later after everyone had their say and the crowd of hundreds had been whipped into a fever the company representative had his turn to speak and simply said 'thank you everyone for your comments but we haven't turned it on yet.'"
Bombing the Air
"'The rain follows the plow.' In the 1800s American West this was everywhere. The idea was that agriculture would bring rain and make farming super easy. Supposedly, when grasslands were turned into cultivated fields, the soil would release moisture into the air. Then human activity like factories or trains would make vibrations that formed rain clouds. Eventually the idea expanded to straight-up bombing the air with dynamite on kites."
"A lot of people fall for the scams around a company selling you a device you plug into an outlet in your home and it 'reduces your electricity bill.' You'd honestly be surprised how many people have paid money for these and even swear by them even though it's 100% snake oil and incredibly dumb to think it would do anything."
Fry 'Emiphone GIFGiphy
"That fake ad for apple phones getting the capability to charge via microwaving. Buncha people put their iPhones in their microwaves and fried 'em."
Microwaving IPhones? At those prices?! Oh Lord.
Calm Downmess reverse GIF by Jordan FisherGiphy
"Ripping the tag off of the mattress. I accidentally ripped one while moving, the movers said i'd go to jail, so I hid in my room. I was about 5."
"Those wrist bands that 'give you energy.'"
"I wanted to see what the scam was once in a mall where they were selling these. They first yank on your arm throwing you off balance easily."
"Then they put on the bracelet and yank on your arm again and you are magically steady as a rock. The impression is strong until you realize all that happened was that you were not caught off guard and were able to anticipate the force that was about to be applied and unconsciously braced for the yank."
"Posts that start with 'Science says/Psychology says... etc.' without the actual research study links."
"Even with a link, half misunderstand the article or make wildly exaggerated claims (no, curing something in mice doesn't mean it will be possible to do the same with humans, it's not even that likely the research will apply to humans, but we can't do that research to humans so we use mice)."
"That and research articles whose results cannot be replicated."
"That dumba** video people keep posting of a delivery woman dropping off a package, then reading a tear off pad of paper (that's coincidentally big enough for the security camera to read) that asks her to open the package she just delivered and dress up in the Mickey Mouse costume to surprise their son (who is going to be home any minute) for his birthday when he gets off the bus. Delivery drivers are peeing in Gatorade bottles. Like hell they're going to take the time to do all that."
Seriously?Judge Judy Reaction GIF by Agent M Loves GifsGiphy
"Beanie babies as an investment strategy."
"That picture of a divorced couple splitting up their beanie baby collection in the courtroom cracks me up."
I don't have the words. Oh, I do... "I give up."