The usual suspects like the Bose speakers from your home theater system or expensive family heirlooms could be likely targets.
But there must be something you place much value on that you know the thieves aren't likely to pilfer.
Curious to hear from strangers on the internet about what those might be, Redditor woomy-jpg asked:
"Someone breaks into your house, what are they definitely NOT stealing?"
If it's part of the home, it's probably staying that way.
Custom Built Fixtures
"My game table. My friend built-in in the room and we realized it won't fit through any doors."
– kw5112
Used For Getting In
"Probably wouldn't bother stealing my spare house keys, they clearly already have a better way in."
Doorknob, Duh
"my F'KING DOORKNOB."
"They cant get your fingerprints if theres nothing left to get fingerprints from."
alice in wonderland doorknob GIFGiphyPets or things having to do with furry companions are better left at home.
Four-Legged Guard
"my dog. He's 95 lbs and draws blood on strangers coming into the house. Also my couch. I love it but it's been destroyed by the cat."
Skittish Kitty
"My cat would be kind of difficult to steal since she is very afraid of strangers and no one would need that useless furball anyway."
No, Thanks
"Cat litter boxes (although it would be nice if they at least cleaned them.)"
"Protip if you package cat litter and leave it on your porch, it's very likely a porch pirate will steal it without thinking."
– Daiguey
The following are specific honorable mentions.
smash laid to rest GIF by ShudderGiphyThe Stiff
"My old deer head from when they, I don't know who first learned taxidermy."
https://imgur.com/gallery/zaaAAXD
"Look at the mouth."
My prized possessions are my framed photographs.
They are glimpses of all facets of my life, including family, career, and travels around the world.
Other than printing costs and the frames that are both standalone and hung on walls, my pictures hold no value other than being sentimental.
I have a pretty good feeling those won't be going anywhere.
But sometimes, that's not always a good thing if your house guest is a slob.
Growing up, there was always a house rule everyone respected.
Everyone would take their shoes off and wear provided slippers before walking onto the carpet. It was just common courtesy in our culture.
So when I was in college, and I had friends over one night – and well – lets' just say it didn't go well. More on that later.
Curious to hear from strangers about their rude house guests, Redditor xxHEYxx asked:
"What's the most disrespectful thing a guest ever did in your home?"
Some of the things these house guests did were so wretched, they were neither seen nor heard from again.
Stealing Milk Was The Least Of The Problems
"Had my girlfriend, and another now exfriend come over to my house.. My grandmother on my mom's side lived with us at the time. She had advanced alzheimers, and could only communicate with basic phrases. She was so bad, she would pat people on their backs and say 'good, good, good.' She also walked around with a zip lock bag of Q-tips that she would hand out as gifts.. Anyways, on this evening, said friend decided it would be funny to pants her in front of me and my girlfriend... He was promptly punched in the face and told to leave before he got hurt. I was shocked and enraged by the disrespect he showed my family, and my ill grandmother. Been 20 years and still have nothing to do with him. This guy was also the friend that would open our fridge and actually drink directly from our milk..."
– cliffy80
Permanently Banned
"A friend of a friend crashed a party at our house. He proceeded to tell everyone that he was a drug dealer and he could get them the best product. He hit on all of the married women who had not brought their husbands, punched the friend who brought him and drove home, drunk and high. He is the only person I have banned from my house."
– Cowhaus
"Damn Cockroach"
"My sister use to stop over, drink my beer, steal my wife's clothes, make a mess, then leave. We changed the locks so she'd steal my parents key to get in so we stopped giving them one and somehow she'd still get in, like a damn cockroach. We have since moved far out of her visiting range."
Crack Reveal
"I invited a friend to 'predrink' at my parents house (in our 20s so my parents were fine with it). Showed up completely obliterated, while my parents were there and dropped a small baggie of cocaine in front of them. He then proceeded to ask where the washroom was."
"Needless to say that was a pretty tame night for me, as my parents sent him packing. I had no idea about his coke habit, just for the record."
The Klepto In The Family
"A family member stole some of my mother's jewelry including some that was left to her by my great grandmother who passed recently at that time. A few years before that we also had another family member steal some pain medication my mom had as well. Let's just say we don't really interact with my family that much anymore."
These people could not keep their DNA to themselves.
Skid Marks
"Dude came over, apparently sh*t his pants and threw his heavily skid marked underwear in with my dirty laundry pile. I found my dog chewing on his underwear the next morning."
Contaminated Cake
"The couple sat down at a table with a cake (which hadnt been served it) took each a fork and started to eat it, not cutting the cake into a piece for themselves, but going back and forth with forks to mouths and to cake, smacking and slurping. Nobody else wanted any cake."
People Share Which Social Norms Absolutely Baffle Them | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Snot Very Nice
"Blew his nose on a tissue and then just threw it on the floor. Worst thing is, he expected me to pick it up for him."
Drunk Bleeding
"Invited along her boyfriend of one week (without asking if it was alright first) who proceeded to get stupidly drunk and throw up all over the back deck. He cut his ankle open while thrashing about and started dripping blood everywhere. As I was trying to put a bandaid on him, the girlfriend had the audacity to tell me he doesn't like bandaids. I said 'Tough sh*t' and put it on him anyway and the rest of us angrily waited for his brother to come pick the two up."
A Fecal Message
"We had my in-laws' wedding in our back yard. A few hours into festivities, I found 'need more toilet paper' written on the bathroom wall with human feces."
Time For Trimming
"Cut their toenails in my living room. They were just visiting for a few hours."
– Userdeleted
When people destroy things – including relationships – after being welcomed into a person's home, they should never expect another invite ever again.
Drug Addiction
"A 'friend' asked to stay with me for a few days because she was having relationship problems. Turns out the relationship problems were all down to the fact she had a massive drug habit and her boyfriend was fed up of her spending all their money on it. The first night she invited 5 people who I didn't know round after I'd gone to bed and I had work the next day. Then she just disappeared for 3 days and went on a bender, I had her boyfriend calling me worried sick and nobody knew where she was. When she finally turned up she called me a sh**ty friend for not covering for her. She didn't even ask me to! Yeah we're not friends anymore."
– dd2487
No More Toys
"Had some friends in middle school come over and smash up all the Lego sets in my room then wondered why I didn't want them to come over again."
Ruined Carpet
"Neighbor's kid came in with dirt all over his feet and then wiped them on the carpet. Never did get the stain out."
– kwaters1
Yogurt Violator
"My son's friend ( middle school) opened all the yogurts in my refrigerator. Didn't eat then, just opened all the tinfoil lids."
So, back when I was in a college marching band, I tried to fit in as most freshmen did back then.
When our drum major couldn't find a place to have a house party, I happily offered my place – without consulting my parents.
It happened to coincide on the night my parents were out and I had the place to myself. So my buddies came over with cases of beer...and their muddy shoes.
I didn't have it in me to inconvenience them by asking to abide by the no shoes house policy.
Of course, my parents came home early and witnessed the travesty. The place was a mess, and I had to cover for the professional carpet cleaning later.
But you know what? I became the popular freshman in the band. At least for that month. Yeah, I do not miss my college years.
So, as a high school kid, whenever I forgot to inform friends of the house-entrance protocol, and they walked onto the carpet with their shoes on, my mom would freak out. Hey, if they're not used to doing that in their own homes, I don't blame them for their ignorance.
But there are just some guests whose behavior indicated they did know better.
Curious to hear bizarre anecdotes from strangers online, Redditor alksjs asked:
"What's the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?"
When alcohol and substances were brought into these homes, disaster struck.
Making A Splash
"Brought alcohol after we told them we don't drink/are a dry house.. ok, minor enough, didn't make a big deal about it... but when they spilled all their red wine on our couch and hid it under a blanket, only for the wife to tell us via text after they left.... that really sucked."
A Hot Mess
"Got a prostitute over. This was years ago when I lived in a share house. My room mate and a friend of his got drunk. My room mate eventually ended up going to bed and he told his friend to sleep on the couch rather than driving home."
"The next morning we woke up and discovered that he'd called up a prostitute. They had sex in the bathroom and left a godawful mess."
"It was a long time before he got invited over again."
– saugoof
Bathroom Paint Job
"My friend's new boyfriend - I'd never met him before - came over with her for dinner. There were 8 of us. He drank a lot. He went to the bathroom before dessert. About 5 minutes after he came back, he spoke to her and she said they needed to go as he wasn't feeling well. They left."
"When the next person went to the bathroom, they came back recoiling in horror. The new boyfriend had puked up his entire dinner - and a vast amount of red wine - all over the bathroom. Everywhere. Walls, floors, all over my full basket of spare toilet rolls."
I cleaned it up. When I next saw my friend, I mentioned it. We had a totally ordinary conversation about it. Later that day, she deleted me on FB and I never saw her again."
"Mystifying."
Makeshift Urinal
"I had a birthday party for my friend at my apartment at the time. Another friend's husband ended up getting drunk and peeing in my hallway. I was like, 'wtf?' 'Well, the bathroom was full and I couldn't make it to a bush in time.'"
"So, the next time he came over, I gifted him a small potted plant with a handmade 'mens room' sign. Told him that now he has his own porta potty."
Snot-Rag Fashion
"This one chick I used to be kinda friends with in middle school came over to my house. We were just sitting on my living room couch watching TV, when she just suddenly out of nowhere lifted the bottom of her shirt up and started blowing her nose into it. She did this like three or four times. I was like, c'mon now, we have tissues in the house and it didn't even occur to you to even ask for one? We're not anti-tissue extremists or anything. The image of that giant snot splotch all over the front of her shirt is seared into my retinas until the end of my days."
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Science is science. Fact is fact. Truth is truth and simple is simple. These are things we must now attest to in 2021. Can we please all get onboard with wha...Please Don't Make Yourself At Home
Some guests act like they own the place. They need to be shown the door, by force, if necessary.
Sleep Requirement
"Rearranged all the furniture in the guest bedroom so that she could sleep facing north."
The Brown Stains
"My weird neighbour friend once came over for dinner when we were at least 11. I don't know why or how but when I prepared to go to bed that night I discovered poop on the wall at the top-bunk mattress (slept bottom). We also found it smeared on the wall of behind our TV."
"When we asked his mother she just handled it as if it was a totally normal thing to do."
– MoinGuy2
Laundry Time
"My roommate in college had been dating a guy a few years older for several months. She asked if I minded if he spent the weekend and that they'd only be home in the evenings since they had planned to be out and about experiencing the city. I said sure. Guy shows up and he's conversational and nice enough, except instead of an overnight bag, he brings at least 10 huge filled to the brim laundry bags of dirty clothes. He immediately sets up shop in our laundry room and goes to town. Literally does laundry all day and night.
My roommate is visibly upset at this point because dude doesn't want to go hang out as planned. He just wants to watch movies and do laundry. She apologizes and says they'll be out all the next day. No big deal. She wakes me up the next morning and is hysterical. The guy is gone and has taken all of our cleaning supplies and snacks with him. She never heard from again. It was super creepy and bizarre. She prob didn't even know this guys real name and never found out what his end game was. Unless his end game was simply use of a full size washer and dryer."
Unsolicited Makeover
"While we were at work, a couple that were houseguests for a few days rearranged our furniture and artwork."
"They wanted to surprise us when we returned home with their 'excellent taste in decorating.' They sure did!"
The Airborne Pervy Boy
"My cousin use to come over my house alot when I was a teenager. We're 7 months apart so we were pretty close growing up. When we 14/15 years old, he came over once with my aunties friends weird/ annoying son that he was forced to hang out with from time to time. It was 10am and I still had my pj's on, I tell my cousin I'll get dressed real quick and we'll go down the bike tracks soon. I go to my bedroom to change, when I'm in my underwear the weird/annoying boy walks straight in my room like he lived there and looked me up and down with a smile. I went mental, screamed at him and called him a creep. My cousin bolts upstairs after hearing me scream, grabbed the boy by the scruff of his clothes, drags him out of my bedroom and threw him down the stairs, he wasn't seriously hurt but definitely terrified at this point and runs out of the house."
Weird Wanderer
"I had a friend over once and he just wandered around the house, no sitting, no greeting my mom, no nothing, he just walked around the house aimlessly, this was a year ago but it still confuses me to this day."
Missing The Target
"It was my cousin. He came in, took a sh*t in my bedroom (at the middle of the floor), and left. Im still wondering what came through his mind that day."
No Complaints
"Last summer, my parents went on vacation so I was left alone to care for the house and our cat. One of my friends would come over a lot because I always made good food and she wanted to try it. One time when she came over, we ended up having coffee late at night, so she decided to clean my kitchen and bathroom at 12AM. Cleaned the sink, toilet, stove... I didn't ask her to. It was weird. But I didn't mind it."
Pure Insanity
"Pissed in the fridge all over turkey left overs then b!tched the toilet wouldn't flush. His gf at the time then proceeded to beat the sh*t out of him for 'doing it again' with her prosthetic leg."
"Plot twist...I was the guest in their home."
– Syst0us
This Is Your Brain On Drugs
"My homeless, heroin addict, ex brother in law asked if he could do some laundry at my place and I agreed that would be ok as long as he understood this is my home and he's not welcome to hang around. (I have a teenage son I'd rather not expose to heroin, thank you.) One day he texted that he needed to pick up his laundry and I said no problem.""
"He never showed up, so I went to bed around midnight. Turns out after I went to bed, he let himself and his insane girlfriend in and they made themselves at home. Watching TV, taking a shower, eating snacks."
"I woke up to the sounds of a domestic taking place in my living room and a woman screaming for help."
"After dealing with all that and getting them removed from my property, I went to my bathroom where I found the entire bathroom covered in purple hair dye. It was on the floors, sink, the toilet, the mirror, the rugs. Every where!"
"Who comes into a house uninvited after midnight and dyes their hair?!"
"Don't do heroin kids."
Jam Session
"This guy turned my pots and pans into drums and started freestyle singing while all the girls were hitting chairs and harmonising. I never wanted people to leave my place so quickly before."
As I mentioned earlier, having a clean home starts with taking off your shoes after entering.
Growing up with this regimen made me appreciate cleanliness, but it also made me a certifiable germophobe.
So you can imagine how much I cringed when I read about the number of Redditors who've had guests who made their homes an open bathroom space – where excrement, vomit and urine splattered everywhere like in a Jackson Pollock painting.
The takeway? Be mindful of your alcohol intake, who you invite, and say no to drugs. Now, there's the door.
