People With Mental Disorders Explain Which Things They Wish People Better Understood About Them
I have depression. It's not overwhelming, and it's not something that I use to define myself, but it's there, and there are times when it hits me, and it's debilitating.
Not everyone understands why I have depression.
They think that because I have a good life with wonderful friends, a great family, a good job, a nice place to live, and no huge problems I have nothing to be sad about. They don't understand that depression isn't just sadness and that having a good or bad life has little bearing on whether you suffer from depression or not.
Depression isn't the only mental disorder that isn't widely understood. Even the way people with mental disorders feel in general aren't widely understood.
Thanks to one Redditor's great question, Redditors with mental disorders shared what they wish people understood about them.
It all started when Redditor demalejo asked:
"People with mental disorders, what would you like people to understand better about your condition?"
Fatigue
"It's tiring. I'm tired all the time. The amount of effort I have to put into being a functional adult is exhausting. Everything is difficult. Nothing is easy or simple. I'm just so so so tired."
– legoclover
"Yo. Right there with you. Living is exhausting. The weight of it just seems heavier and heavier each day. State of the world is NOT helping."
– Redheaded_Loser
Don't Worry, Be Happy
"Extreme existential anxiety. People say, "Well, you can't change anything, anyway, so why worry?" ...THAT'S WHY I'M WORRIED! IF I COULD CHANGE IT THEN I WOULD JUST DO THAT!"
"I'm much better now, but good Lord."
– newyne
"This. Having debilitating anxiety is so f**king tiring. Every time I stop to think about it, I’m just hit with this wave of “wow imagine what I could do if 70% of my energy wasn’t going towards overthinking, panicking, and stressing.”"
– reefered_beans
Take "Quirk" Out Of Your Vocabulary
"OCD isn't a quirk and you wanting your counters nice and neat isn't a symptom. Constant thoughts that I can't stop and cause a lot of distress are the problem. My house is a dang mess and I really don't care. But needing to say goodnight to my pets in a certain order because they might die if I don't is an issue. Also having distressing and disturbing thoughts that pop up randomly such as sexual, violent, or grotesque thoughts that are not my thoughts and don't align with my beliefs or values. It's not quirky. The only thing relatively quirky is when I twitch or shake my head to erase the thought like an etch a sketch"
– polkaspot36
Not Always As Bad As It Sounds
"My official (along with half a dozen other diags) is "Bipolar II, mixed, with psychotic behavior" which made me super uncomfortable at first because, you know... connotation everyone has with the term psychotic. It took me some time to accept that particular part."
"Sometimes they get really bad, but 90% of the time my hallucinations and delusions are pretty mild to the point it took me ages to figure out that's what was going on. Mostly visual and auditory, occasionally other things. For visual, I see things move that don't or aren't there, especially shadows. For the auditory it's usually more muffled like if someone was having a conversation in the other room or left a TV or radio on. TV on in the same room I'm in helps drown out the noises and gives enough of a visual distraction to help.The delusions I can usually recognize on some level that's what they are, but going through them is awful because I can't logic my way out of them and convince myself that's all they are. This awful cycle of "this seems farfetched, it's probably a delusion... but what if it's not? But it doesn't make sense and here's why.... but what if it actually makes PERFECT sense?? Here's everything that backs up this being absolutely 100% real and here's everything that proves what you're saying to disprove it is wrong." Just have to ride them out."
"Medication, nearly two decades of therapy, and a whole massive toolbox of coping mechanisms and I'm okay more often than not. Though it has gotten bad enough in the past to have a rough crisis plan. Figure it's better to plan for a worst case scenario and give trusted people an idea of "this means it's getting bad" and steps I'd like them to take if I can't recognize I'm at that point."
"Another thing I wish people understood about bipolar is it's not really an instant switch in mood but longer term episodes of extreme highs and lows. And that the highs and lows look different than what most people imagine, too, particularly the high/manic episodes. I think depressive episodes are pretty obvious to most people nowadays. But manic is not just lots of energy and feel-good happytimes. It can be incredibly destructive and even dangerous."
– CalamitousCass
Look It Up
"The difference between “psychosis” and “psychopath.” I see and hear things that aren’t there. I don’t have daydreams about putting you in a microwave. Learn the difference."
– Sethrial
It's Not About Focus
"The ADHD brain is physically and chemically different than a "neurotypical" brain. The thing is, without neurodivergencies like ADHD, ASD, etc., advancements in science, technology, even economics and agriculture, would not have evolved to the level we currently have."
"I also want to add, it's BS the way people treat people with ADHD. As prolific as it is, and with all the research and growing understanding, they're still told "if you'd only focus", "you can hold still if you really try", and other crap. ADHD can be disabling and has an effect on every part of someone's life. Quit writing them off."
– MoJoHusband
Everybody Hurts
"That every time I am angry or upset, it’s not “just my [insert relevant mental illness here]”. Sometimes I have every right and reason to be furious or in tears, just like anyone else does, and brushing off my emotions as a symptom is hurtful and damaging."
– frau-fremdschamen
You Can't Help Me!
"That I don't fully understand it myself, but getting advice from a mentally healthy person who has no understanding of it is frustratingly useless."
– TheRichTurner
"Can't tell you how many times peaple were just like "it's common sense you will get it. You just need to keep trying" meanwhile 12 year old me is fantasizing about putting my pencil though the teachers neck because all of the black squiggles on the page don't make sense unless I have a colored filter over them. That she won't let me use because it's "distracting.""
– Hickawa
I Need A Little Time
"Certain folks in my family get so frustrated when I have to call off something because I’m having a bad day mentally. I don’t want to miss Fun Thing either, but I have had this my entire life and I know when I can push through it and when I absolutely cannot. I hate it as much as they do!"
– StargazerNataku
"Absolutely. If I don't show up to something every once in a while, it's for your protection as well as mine. Nobody wants to see me have a mental breakdown because I pushed myself too hard to do something that day."
"Sometimes, having mental health issues means I need to wait for it to pass. I need as little stimulus as possible to have control over myself in those times. This is me, dealing with it, so I can go back to being the person everyone likes."
– OfficeChairHero
There's No Magic Solution
"Taking medication is not some magical fix. I'm still sick."
– m0rgan_jamiie
"Exactly. Going to therapy and doing the work doesn’t mean that my mental health issues are going to magically disappear! I once had someone in my family ask me how long it will take for my anxiety, PTSD, depression etc to “go” away completely since I was on medication and in therapy. It was the most painful conversation I had to have without offending them. I will always have what I’ve been diagnosed with and I’m going to live with them forever, I just know how to manage it well on some days and can’t manage them on other days. Stop expecting me to wake up and be a new person just because I’m in therapy."
– OkTennis2366
Alone Time
"That having my routine broken causes a massive amount of stress and fear so I tend to respond poorly to tense situations because my brain can't connect with others."
"Great that they find stress relief with others, I find it with my video games and I can't take that with me so smoking is how I handle an overwhelming amount of it. Not a great method but it works for now."
– Brontolope11
It's More Than Sadness
"Being depressed is not "Oh, you're just sad.""
"No, it physically hurts on my worst days, and sometimes it's really hard to get out of bed because of it."
"It's also difficult to find something to do some days when mine is bad. I'll literally just sit there and stare at something for a while."
"My son will want to go outside, and I just don't want to because my depression makes it so that I don't feel like doing anything."
"Depression can physically be painful, and it's "not just in your head.""
– StrangerFeelings
It's Not Your Fault
"Parents: ADHD and other disorders are not a negative reflection on you as a parent. You don't have "the bad kid" who gets in trouble all the time. You have a kid with a health condition that makes their life harder that needs diagnosis and treatment. Nobody would think of their kid as an embarrassment for having asthma or poor eyesight or diabetes."
"Get your head out of the sand and your ego out of your kid's health."
– I_RATE_BIRDS
We're All Trying To Get Through
"I am trying so hard. So f**king hard. Please just be patient with me."
I think that might be the most important thing to understand!
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.
However, euthanasia, or what is known as "mercy killing," is illegal in all 50 states.
Curious to hear from strangers online about the controversial topic, Redditor ConcentrateNo1426 asked:
"What is your stance on human euthanasia?"
Many people had strong thoughts in favor of euthanasia, especially those who've watched their parents pass away.
A Mother's Final Words
"My mom died this way. She was suffering terribly from ALS. She was able to die being held by those who loved her. Right after we gave her the fatal dose she said to me 'This is what I wanted. I’ll miss you.' In the face of a fatal disease, I believe everyone should have the right to decide how they want their ending to look instead of being forced to suffer a painful death."
– katee_bo_batee
Death With Dignity
"Also here to say watching someone die from ALS will convince you that Death with Dignity should absolutely be legal. It was horrific watching someone go through it, and in the end being trapped in their useless body. There is no cure, and your only outlook is a slow, painful death."
– overconfidentquartz
She Was An Animal Lover
"My mother was a huge animal person. We had dogs, cats, horses, cows...all manner of beasties. And she lavished the best possible care on all of them, but when their quality of life dropped off at the end, when there was nothing left for them but a life filled with pain and sickness, she'd have them put down. She'd hold them in her arms, tell them they'd been the best (whatever), and say goodbye."
"That's how I was taught to deal with pets, and that's how I've always done it."
"When my mother got brain cancer (a GBM, which is effectively incurable), and after treatment options had been exhausted, I got to watch her starve to death on a morphine drip for close to a month. And all I could think during that period, is how enraged she would have been if someone had done that to an animal."
"So yea. Euthanasia, 100%. F'k this barbaric, 'Gotta wait for you to suffer to death' nonsense. What is the point?"
– notagoodboye
A Grandfather Gets To "Go Home"
"My grandfather was just put to rest today. He had an appointment. Monday at 11 o'clock. The nurse and doctor came to his home and helped him be comfortable and anxiety free, and then the doctor brought the cocktail and injected into his iv. The program deals with body removal and my grandmother arranged for a cremation."
"He lives--lived in Canada and did it through MAID He had terminal cancer and was suffering essentially lying in bed for weeks on drugs to abate the pain, not a way to live, he decided."
"He had to have his main doctor (oncologist) okay it and sign off and then met with another doctor who reviewed his case to verify that he was a candidate, and then was signed off for it by a psychologist who decided he was in his right mind to make this decision for himself."
"It's hard, but it was his decision and I support him. My grandmother got to handle things pragmatically and prepare and he gets to "go home" as he said. He just kept saying, 'I'm going home today!'"
– Hollywould9
A Final Act Of Love
"My mother 'committed' assisted suicide two weeks ago after battling colon cancer for 6 years."
"First and foremost, I recognize that this was the best course of action for her. She had exhausted all treatment options and was in a mind-boggling amount of pain. She couldn’t tolerate most forms of pain mitigation, so she was simply suffering. Once she decided to stop all treatment, this seemed like the natural and obvious choice for her, and it was one my sister and I respected."
"It is, however, important to note how deeply and truly traumatizing it was to watch my mom, I cannot escape the image of how her skin turned gray and how I watched her heart sputter and stop. Every time I close my eyes, I see her neck as I watched her pulse slow. I am well and truly struggling to deal with the process, and I think it needs to be said that it is a deeply disturbing part of the reality."
"That being said, it is a distinct luxury and privilege to know when, where, and how your loved one will pass. I got to talk to her about how she was feeling in the days leading up to it, and I got to hug and kiss her and say goodbye. A lot of people do not get to do that, and the absolute beauty of that is not lost on me. I am deeply grateful to have sat next to her and held her hand while she drifted to sleep."
"Despite the tragedy and trauma of it all, I genuinely see her 'euthanasia' as her final act of love. I support assisted suicide and believe, without hesitation, that it is the most humane and compassionate option we can offer to those who are suffering."
– plssendfood
How The Aunt Would Feel About Not Being Allowed To Die
"My dog is very sick right now, no hope of recovery. Tomorrow I'm taking her in to be euthanized. I'm a wreck. Three days ago I returned from a trip home to say goodbye to my dear aunt, she is on hospice, wearing a diaper and doesn't even know she is a part of the world anymore. She would not have wanted that, she would HATE that she hasn't been allowed to pass with dignity."
– mustainsally
People share their thoughts on why they feel euthanasia is a humane way to end a life.
The Woman Who Had No Peaceful Alternative
"When I was a little girl I used to go to a very old church with mostly older folks. There was an older woman (prob in her sixties) who I really adored for some reason. She was sweet, I sat beside her and probably chatted her ears off in that annoying way children do. One Sunday she didn't show and she didn't show for the rest of the Sundays after that. She went home after a service, wrote a note for everyone and apologized before she killed herself. Because she was suffering the late stages of cancer and it was so painful that this God fearing woman who never missed a service felt that the only option was to kill herself. Think of how differently that would have went for her surviving family who found her and the rest of us if euthanasia was positively received. She could have said goodbye on better terms. I don't think she would have been so desperate."
– Rumdiculous
He Called Himself A Coward
"My dad took his own life last year, around the same age as the woman from your church. He’d been struggling with dementia that he’d kept hidden from the rest of the fam."
"As I work through all the trauma and the grief, the main thing I’m left with is the knowledge that he died feeling like a coward, desperate and alone with a gun in his hand. He deserved better than that. We all do."
"Edit: Since several people have commented on this - he said in a note he felt like a coward. It’s part of the reason I feel so strongly that he deserved to die with medical assistance, surrounded by family and knowing how loved he was."
– ghost_hoax
A Strong Belief
"If a person is unable to have any quality of life I believe they should be free to have a choice to stop living."
– piperfae_
Suffering through life is no way to live, especially if a person is experiencing ongoing pain and taking medicine to prolong their life without a cure for their illness.
But for those struggling with depression or other forms of mental illness, a permanent solution to a presumptive temporary problem should not be the answer.
There is help.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Family is meant to love you, protect you and make you feel like you matter.
At least that is what good parents do.
It's so sad when you see people who have been traumatized throughout life by the people they were meant to be their champions.
Being a kid can be heartbreaking.
Redditor Melon-Kolly wanted to discuss all the obvious traits that can be detected when one hasn't been blessed with parents that cared enough. So they asked:
"What are some common signs that someone grew up with sh*tty parents?"
I'm blessed to have a great parent. So my heart goes out to everyone on this list.
Numb
"Emotional numbness especially in the face of bad things. Once you've seen enough crap certain things just don't faze you anymore."
GargantuanCake
"Not in terms of parental neglect but spousal neglect. I lived with my (soon to be ex) husband on the other side of the world for family."
"I had emergency gallbladder removal surgery unexpectedly and then my mom died of stage 4 cancer 8 days later. It was Covid times so I couldn’t travel home of course. I never cried. I didn’t want his fake support. We FaceTimed in for the funeral/burial and I didn’t shed a tear. I was completely devastated but couldn’t cry because I knew it was pointless."
Efficient-Thought-35
And you are?
"Having no desire to see them."
probablyjimmylam
"Mom dropped me off at 14 across the USA with no money or place to live. Then didn’t talk to me for 6 years. Wonders why I won’t speak with her after she threatened to shoot me for getting 2 extra pieces of firewood then she told me I could have."
Applebottomseed
Broken
"They lie. Lies specifically for avoiding conflict. Actually, I change my answer to Avoiding Conflict. It's avoidance until an explosion. It's all they know. Some personal reference, I used to lie so frequently it was easier than remembering the truth. I would get mad at characters on TV for being so bad at coming up with a plausible denial. One day I decided I was broken and now I won't lie."
"I tell the truth all the time and it's so calming. My spouse (also shite parents) will lie about anything money related (thanks in-laws!) but he's so bad at it and never covers his tracks. Like, come on. At least have some childhood trauma that makes you good at it. For real, he just says everything was on sale, I've gotten used to just ignoring anything he says about money."
ChurchillsHat
Gaslighter
"You remember being severely neglected yet you were told 'you are spoiled.'"
hoooliet
"My dad still calls me a spoiled brat. I'm 51. Since I moved out at 18, I have made my own life, a good life, all by myself. Because there was NO help from him. None. No guidance, no support or encouragement, and certainly no financial help. So I'm spoiled bc he fed me and gave me a house to live in until I was an adult, I guess?"
Lirgl
Steps
"Why is nobody mentioning the silent foot steps? When you grow up with parents that will yell at you for existing you develop the ability to hide your presence as much as possible and always try to keep your noise and visibility to a minimum."
FetishAnalyst
"How fast and which car pulled in. The way the door slams or the keys are placed. How they exhaled. The pace of their footsteps. All clues to how small and out of the way is needed in order to survive."
Shyfiver
That's a lot of rough. I can't imagine the struggle.
Simplicity...
"They don't understand simple gestures of kindness. Took my husband a long time to understand that my parents liked giving little gifts to people and doing things for them, that they weren't trying to insult him or us or make us feel incompetent, they were just showing affection."
"Edit: Some people are focusing on the gift part of this, while I was trying to emphasize the kindness. Like, my dad (or brothers) offering to help or keep company when he mentioned he had to fix the deck or paint the shed or go to the junk yard for a car part."
"To him the offer was insulting and suspicious. To them it was just what you do to make someone's life easier. But in his family that notion didn't exist so he couldn't figure out why it was happening except he didn't think it could be a good reason."
coffeecakesupernova
I'm Sorry
"They are always trying to figure out what they did wrong and what they’re supposed to be doing and how, while editing their own thoughts and feeling vaguely bad."
Shopping_Acrobatic
"I always felt like every little mistake was my fault and I should apologize for being such a bad person. I wasn't a bad person, I was just a child being a child."
Playful-Base-6082
Anxious Issues
"Paranoia, the inability to trust others and obsessively overthinking every conversation they have. Also— speaking from a personal perspective— people that grew up with toxic parents continue to question their sanity and reality here & there from the continuous gaslighting."
colleenk69
Forgotten
"Not being able to remember the majority of their childhood. I’m talking about huge gaps of time you just cannot recall. I get it. Repressing the memories is just the mind trying it’s best to protect itself."
AJmermaid
All the Pain...
"The ability to love but not believing for a second that anyone could love you back. That you simply aren’t worthy of it. Storing up a lot of mental and emotional pain because you feel that nobody cares enough to listen. Lacking self confidence in all areas of life, even ones you seemingly excel in by other's opinions."
"The complete inability to see yourself as worthy of anything at all. Getting defensive when asked to explain why you did something or why you chose to say what you said. Shutting people out or not pursuing a real connection with anyone because you feel that you are more of a burden to them than anything positive you could possibly offer to them."
"Not speaking up for yourself and instead choosing to fade into the background through fear that you will cause embarrassment. Damaging any potential romantic relationships because you can’t believe their intentions towards you are genuine, simply because you don’t feel you deserve any of it. The list goes on, but my heart hurts."
lindsaydemo
Damage
"I don't ever want to marry and even if I do, I'm not going to have kids. I don't want to imagine someone else especially my children going through something like I did. What if I can't provide emotionally or financially like my parents and they end up like me? I can't take that guilt into my grave."
"I spent my whole childhood on the brink of suicide and even now when things are a bit better, my body is used to that anxiety so badly that I often let loose even without registering it in my head that I'm letting loose. I have nightmares on random things every f**king night and I get up at least 2 to 3 times every night because I can't sleep because of the nightmares and racing heartbeat."
"Even when my life is going good I can't enjoy a good night's sleep because of how f**ked my body is due to all that lifetime anxiety. I've spent a lot of time fixing myself. Even my childhood hobbies included reading self help books on how to perform self therapy and I spent a majority of my life trying to undo what I now think can't be undone."
"I can just accept it and try to minimize the damage and not get into a relationship so I give some other person the emotional pain because of my inability to fix myself."
Snipsnapboi
Help
"They're a desperate people-pleaser. Someone who'll leap to the aid of anyone, who'll give up anything they have so that someone else doesn't miss out, who will go well out of their way to be of assistance, and who abhors needing ANY help themselves."
GeebusNZ
Attachments
"They don't form attachments to others. They grew up in an environment where such attachments were a negative and or resulted in negative outcomes."
bozimthecalm
"Narcissistic parents are the worst. You can’t beat them so you stop playing the game 20 years goes by with you wondering why you are alone. Then a therapist points out to you they have been shaping your relationships the whole time by shutting down your ability to value them."
Unwilling
"They're completely unwilling to open up and share anything because in their experience it will always be used against them."
Oddant1
"For me, i have the opposite problem. No boundaries about what to share. I can never tell how close i am with someone and i am comfortable basically telling anyone anything. But I think it comes off as weird and a turn off to people, like a red flag. I just want to connect emotionally with people so desperately it is like i will do it with anyone who will converse with me."
idle_isomorph
Future Issues
"People who try way too hard to please, and are terrified to put themselves first. This is the saddest trait because it’s the easiest for fresh predators to take advantage of when the parents are out of the picture. If only terrible parents knew or cared that they were grooming their kids for future abuse."
ToilAndTummyTrouble
"happy"
"Empathy but not in a healthy/normal sense. growing up in an abusive household, I learned to be extremely hyper aware of everyone's emotions so i could act accordingly so things wouldn't escalate. i remember always asking my ex boyfriend if his mom seemed to be in a sour mood when we went out together and he'd always say she looked 'happy' but she would have an episode later that day. it keeps me safe in a way but it impacts my mental health severely. it's a common thing i notice in others too."
isaiahlanthony
"Yeah, but they do love you, though."
"I can always tell when someone didn't, though. When I've eluded to having difficulties with my parents it's unbelievable how many times I've been responded to with 'Yeah, but they do love you, though.' Not all parents love their children. Not all parents are good people. Your experience is not universal. It was ways heartbreaking to get this response, because I knew that, even if they didn't say it, they were blaming me for the issues."
electric_red
I Like You
"Does feeling uncomfortable when receiving a compliment count? I feel like whenever someone gives me a compliment I go out of my way to convince them why I’m not actually deserving of a compliment. That or I will try to return to them an even bigger compliment that out-shadows the compliment they gave to me."
Bad at Sharing
"They don't share things about themselves. Anything you say can and will be used against you isn't just applicable when you're getting arrested. Funnily enough, that great memory was never around if you brought up something they did wrong."
OriginalJokeGoesHere
Shoutout
"They're uncertain, as a rule, of every last go**amn thing they think, do, want, say, feel. Sh**ty parents do such harm to what could've been healthy hearts and minds. Good parents teach how to establish and maintain boundaries by modeling healthy behaviors. Kids need love and direction. When they don't get it, they suffer for life. Shoutout to all the good parents. Y'all're societies superheroes and you're rare and special. 💜"
youretheweird1
Every "parent" on this list should be sent therapy bills.
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Living with depression is incredibly difficult.
It's made all the more difficult when people share unsolicited advice.
This isn't to say that others don't mean well–they often do–but they may sometimes lack the foresight or tact required for conversations about mental illness.
It's a lot easier to play armchair psychologist than actually learn a thing or two about what life is like for depression sufferers.
That's why a lot of people prefer to live with the disease silently; they'd rather not hear other people's callous remarks and prefer to be spared their judgment.
We heard about bad advice in action after Redditor nekrozis666 asked the online community:
"People who suffer from depression, what was the worse advice you've gotten?"
"Just stop..."
"Just stop thinking negatively. Just be happy. Just get some exercise. Just eat healthier. I am so sick of the 'just do this' advice. Like yeah, those things MIGHT help, but all of them are impossible when I'm struggling to even change my clothes, take a shower, cook actual meals, or clean my house everyday."
MissAnthropy612
Oh, if only it were that easy!
How the hell can you get anything done when it's a hassle to even get out of bed in the mornings?
"It's kind of the thing..."
"'Do things you like.'"
"It's kind of the thing....you can do them but you don't like doing them anymore. You're emotionally flat and exhausted and frankly it's even worse to go through the motions of a thing you used to love."
Kay_Elle
Losing pleasure in things you enjoy is so frustrating.
You can't just "do things you like" when none of it brings you any joy and feels more like an imposition.
"Thanks..."
"'Think about people who have it worse.' Thanks, now I'm depressed and feeling guilty about it."
ipakoopapi
Your feelings are always valid no matter how many idiots you're surrounded by.
"Ditch your meds..."
"Ditch your meds and do acid a few times, it'll fix everything."
Bagospearen
Psychedelics can be massively helpful in the right setting at the right time, but a bad trip can equally be so traumatizing it leaves you recovering for months.
They're a catalyst for introspection and change, not a cure on their own.
"My dad told me..."
"My dad told me to have kids, which makes me wonder about him."
illmade
Perhaps it simply means he became a happier man after having you—but this is an excellent example of advice that should not be "one size fits all."
"Why, that's brilliant."
"'You should try to be more positive!'"
"Why, that's brilliant. I had never considered the idea that I could just be more positive and poof, everything would be better. But this advice did get me to realize that I am responsible for my own wellbeing. I can ask for help but ultimately, it's on me to work on my issues."
iamalext
Good to hear that this advice served as a catalyst to that realization—as bad as that advice was.
"Gee, thanks!"
"'At least you're not in a 3rd world country.' Gee, thanks! Can I go take my antidepressants now?"
ok_ad748s_alt
It really says a lot about someone when they bring up less developed countries to make their careless points.
"I was told..."
"I was told to pray the depression away by my therapist."
Significant_Venison
Sounds like you need a new therapist.
Immediately.
"The worst advice..."
"The worst advice was: If you have time for depression, you have nothing to do. Get more work, clean your house; in our youth we worked 6 days a week and helped our parents on weekends."
SignalAds610
While there are certainly people out there who do well on comparatively full schedules, this doesn't hold true for a lot of people out there—and still does nothing to address the root cause of depression.
"My dad told me..."
"My dad told me if I prayed, God would take it away along with my lupus and other crippling health issues."
htkpe
Yeah, dad... it doesn't work that way.
But nice try, though?
Not.
As you can see, none of these pieces of advice actually help anyone.
Think before you speak—especially if you're not a trained professional.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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People Who Suffer From Mental Illness Share What's Been Most Difficult About Their Struggle
*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm
Mental illness still carries a great deal of public stigma.
Ignorance leads to a lack of empathy for those whose daily lives are impacted by disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar, clinical depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder and autism.
Education and empathy are key.
Redditor Seagoated asked:
"What is the most difficult part of suffering from mental illness?"
Guilt
"The feeling of being a burden to others." ~ 029384756
"This sometimes extends to even feeling like a burden to your therapist as well." ~ Reddit
"That one thing will haunt you."
"It’s always there, where on good days your first thought is that at least I’m not a bother today." ~ PeyroniesCat
"Stuck in this constant cycle of not having the drive to get things done (so you don’t) and then having to play catch up on everything. This can be anything from school work, job, house work, keeping up with family and friends."
"I am always apologizing for my little disappearing acts and eventually there are just no more excuses or jokes you can use to get out of it. I have lost tons of friends because I just ghost everyone…it’s easier to burn that bridge quickly instead of continually apologizing for doing the same thing.
"Additionally, I always think I’m going to kill myself so there is no need to go into work, I’ll just be dead soon…but then I don’t kill myself and still need to work so that’s a big oopsy f'king daisy."
"It all sucks." ~ sippydippylippy
Destroyed Plans
"The wasted potential."
"On my good days I get so much done."
"It's hard not to think about how much I could have accomplished if I always felt like I do on my good days." ~ majorbedhed
"I know what you mean."
"I often feel like I’m not living the life I should be. There’s so much wasted potential because I can’t get my sh*t together long enough to do something about it."
"Like, I like my job and I’m good at it… but at this point I’m just grateful that someone’s willing to employ me and put up with my bullsh*t."
"I’ve got a dual undergrad and a masters degree. I should have done things with that.
"The opportunities were there—I was literally receiving job offers from government departments & private companies, in my country and overseas, while I was doing my masters."
"But then the wheels fell off my life, and I was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar, and all those doors slammed shut."
"And to be honest, they were already really f'king wobbly through those 7 years of uni, I just hadn’t slowed down enough to notice, and no one who knew me saw me enough to realise something was majorly wrong." ~ FormalMango
"God I feel this so much."
"I went to a good college on a full scholarship in a pre-law program that would have me get my JD after 5 years. I was supposed to study abroad and intern at the UN."
"I was going to prove everyone back home wrong, show them that I am a force to be reckoned with. I’d sue the pants off my school for the constant abuse and discrimination I went through. I’d be successful."
"Then I went through a major trauma, which gave me PTSD and serious depression, made my OCD worse, and a little brain damage (as a treat…)"
"Now I’m here. I work at a pet store."
"I’m slowly working on getting off of SSI. My life is fine, but every time I see my college friends post online, it’s another reminder of how sh*tty my life is." ~ Chihuahua_enthusiast
"Yeah this. I have ADHD and it's pretty much destroyed all the potential I had in life."
"There's so many things that I would have loved to do, or so many opportunities and passions I could have pursued but missed out because my stupid f'king brain won't cooperate and constantly loses all interest in everything."
"And even when something good does happen to me I can't even enjoy it fully because my brain's dopamine response doesn't work properly. It sucks, but I just tell myself that we'll all be dead relatively soon so nothing we do in life really matters in the end... that's the only way I know how to cope with it."
"I just have to continously find short lived, unfulfilling sh*t to keep my brain occupied until I die so I don't fall into a deep depression. Reddit, video games, exercise, sex, porn, internet browsing, etc..."
"Easy dopamine releases that keep me sane while simultaneously controlling my life and preventing me from being happy. I've done my best to stay away from alcohol because I know I'd drink myself to death, its too easy."
"I can't stand when people call this disorder a superpower. It's not, it fucking sucks and my life would be far easier without it." ~ 14thCluelessbird
No Understanding
"The inability to explain it to some people in a way they’ll understand." ~ QTYokoTaro
"It would be such a relief to just go 'look, here it is' like with a flesh wound. They would immediately grasp what is wrong and would be able to sympathise."
"But you look normal, sometimes happy even and have nothing to show to people." ~ golodiac
"In my experience, there's not only a lack of empathy, but outright mocking and contempt at times. A big reason why I keep my mental health issues to myself." ~ tacotruckrevolution
“There’s nothing more isolating than mental illness.” ~ Seagoated
"With OCD, it’s people not understanding how debilitating it can be and that it’s not just 'liking things near and tidy'—and people are so blasé about it too." ~ holly__sophia
"Thank you! I remember there was this trend of people saying 'OMG! I'm so OCD!' when they just like things neat. Me and my Mother have had to deal with that for ages."
"While it can include being overly neat, it's so, SO much more than just that." ~ Squiddy_102
"I have OCD, but the average person would never believe it because I live in a hoarder's hellhole. It runs in my family, and we often joke about 'the good kind' and 'the bad kind'."
"I understand that there is no 'good kind' of OCD, but I wish I had my cousin's version where everything is always spick-and-span and highly organized. Instead, I got 'the bad kind'."
"I don't clean, I just say 'I want to kill myself' out loud, compulsively, 3,000 times a day, and struggle with 'unevenness' like 'one hand knocked the wall, better knock it with the other hand. Nope, that didn't feel the same, better knock them both again'."
"And again. And again. That's not all of it, but you get the idea." ~ TheLaramieReject
Loneliness
"Always wanting to be alone and hating the loneliness." ~ Immediate_Ad4627
"The loneliness I feel around people hits harder than the loneliness I feel in solitude." ~ GookNukem45
"Yep. For me, I see how other people are having fun, are with friends, basically doing anything except being lonely and I want it but there´s a sheet of glass between me and them that won´t break no matter what so even if I engage it still feels like I´m on the outside looking in."
"Also so much worse when someone makes an effort to include me cause it just highlights how unnatural my inclusion is." ~ Good-mood-curiosity
"It's better to be alone than to be around people that make you feel lonely." ~ amadeus2490
Help Is Available
"If you ever need help, then please know that there are many qualified people who would like to help you."
https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres
https://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you [United Kingdom]
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/ [Australia]
"There are crisis services worldwide that are trained to provide support. They are designed to give temporary relief from feelings that are overwhelming you and while they are unlikely to fix any underlying problems, can help you get through a tough hour/night/week."
"Chat services are usually available on these sites. In the US, calling 211 or going to their website is a free referral source."
"They have providers who will see you regardless of your ability to pay. Just as you would see a doctor when you are sick, you deserve to take care of your mental health." ~ AskRedditModerators
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
A little empathy could go a long way.
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