'I Couldn't Remember My Own Name.' Pregnant Women Share Their Most Hilariously Dumb Pregnancy Brain Moments
1. I walked into the house and thought, I should check the answering machine. I then stood in the kitchen trying to remember where the answering machine was until I realized I havent had an answering machine in over 12 years.
Cierra Shelton, Facebook
2. I couldnt get the microwave to work I kept pushing the start button but it wouldnt turn on. When I started crying my husband walked over, closed the microwave door, and hit start. It worked.
Brittany Wade Ratliff, Facebook
3. I was running the register at work and tried to swipe a $20 bill through the credit card machine. I then stood there looking at it like Why isnt this working?
Ariel Simon, Facebook
4. I packed my hubbies lunch in the morning, then at lunchtime got a photo from him of his sandwich with nothing in it! Just two pieces of bread.
5. I filled my car with gas and drove off. Moments later I was down the road when a police car pulled me over. I still had the cash in my hand. The officer was nice enough to take it back to the gas station for me.
Kari Davis Roberts, Facebook
6. I tried to unlock the front door of my apartment with my car keys unlock button. I also dialed a phone number into the microwave.
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7. I tried to text my cat and tell him I missed him. I started crying when Crookshanks wasnt in my contact list.
Lynsey Van Nevel, Facebook
8. I asked my sister how much a $50 gift card would cost to buy.
9. I never told anyone in my family I did it. I cut a piece of cheddar off a block, then put the cheese in the drawer Id gotten the knife from, the knife in the cheese drawer in the fridge, and my plate of cheese and crackers in the sink. I walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch, totally forgetting why Id even gotten up.
Erin Hicks, Facebook
10. I left the TV remote in the freezertwice. Lost it for days at each time.
11. I was filling out pre-admittance forms for the hospital and completely forgot how old I was. I couldnt remember the year I was born or anything. Fortunately, my doctors office happened to call and I asked the nurse my age.
12. I went to the toilet, tried to flush it by flicking the light switch on and off, then complained when it wouldnt flush. I was there for a good five minutes.
13. I completely forgot the word nose and proceeded to say (Continued)
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He has a spot on that thing between his eyes.
14. I couldnt remember the word hand. Called it an arm foot for hours.
15. I was trying to cook eggs in the pan but nothing was happening. I finally realized the stove wasnt on. Id been watching raw eggs for 10 minutes.
16. By the time I gave birth there were easily seven unopened jars of peanut butter in the pantry because I could never remember if we had any or not when I was grocery shopping. After the seventh jar I actually cried when I got home and found them all. I was convinced I was losing my mind.
17. I used hand soap instead of dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher.
18. I was attempting to take my prenatal vitamins, but instead of pouring out the vitamins, I poured my water bottle on my hand. Then I cried for 10 minutes.
Eva Dunlop, Facebook
19. I had a 9-month-old son the second time I was pregnant. One day, my friend came over and asked where my son was. Frantic, I searched all downstairs for him, threw cushions around, toys and everything else but (Continued)
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couldnt find him. I broke down crying at having lost my son until my friend went upstairs and found him asleep in the cot. Apparently Id put him down for a nap, but didnt remember.
Shama-Jade Balcarres, Facebook
20. I put my jeans on this morning and they just felt weird. They weren't covering my butt right or staying up. I couldn't figure out why. After about 45 minutes I looked down and realized I had been wearing my jeans backwards all morning.
21. I don't think my husband really understood until last night just how scatterbrained it can make a woman. Exhibit A:
I was in the kitchen and meant to bring him a soda when I went back into the living room.
A few minutes later, he gets up to get a soda, so I remind him I just brought him one.
Turns out I actually brought him a pack of ramen noodle seasoning...
22. We were in England for a baby moon trip around thanksgiving and being from Florida we were quite bundled up for our journey. We had walked into a pub for some dinner and this place was PACKED! I had taken off my gloves, hat and scarf and had unzipped my jacket but was still wearing it since we didn't have a table yet. When we finally got to a table and I took my jacket off I didn't notice that my sweater and shirt had balled up to the top of my belly. I was now standing in the middle of a super crowded restaurant with my entire belly hanging out and only barely covered by the stretchy top of my maternity pants. I didn't realize until two women had given me a look of pity and I was so embarrassed. If I wasn't so hungry I probably would have made DH take me somewhere else to eat.
23. I forgot my Uncle's name as well as my aunts and cousin. That whole off shoot, I just could not for the life of me remember any of their names. I mean, they had been a part of my family for my whole life, I was super embarrassed. This happened with my first pregnancy.
24. I buttered a teabag. Yep.
Anonymous.
25. On several occasions I forgot to put my boob away after breastfeeding. One time was in church.
Anonymous.
26. Today I went to Wally World for a few baby related things I've been wanting for weeks (mostly craft related things, but other odds and ends too). When I got there I couldn't remember what I was there for! I waddled up and down nearly every aisle trying to remember, but I could not. I came home empty handed and remembered everything shortly after. I'm going to have to write a very detailed list before going again.
27. I poured Orange Juice into my cereal and poured milk into my cup.
I think the worst incident was arriving at the supermarket to buy a few things. After I got home, I realized that (Continued)
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I had forgotten what I'd gone there for and bought a whole bunch of things I hadn't intended to. So I had to go back.
28. I've burnt myself twice pulling stuff out of the oven. Just because you have and oven mitt on one hand doesn't mean the hand w/out the mitt is safe from burns. Hopefully I remember that next time.
29. I was looking for my phone in the dark, using the flashlight on my phone.
30. A week or two ago I was at working sipping on some raspberry leaf tea. I took a sip and immediately opened my mouth. While my tea was pouring out of my mouth all over my shirt all I could think was why?? Why did I just do that?
31. I was in a hurry one day, and weeks away from delivery I left the house to take my son to school and run a few errands. It wasnt until the cashier at the market said, did you know you have a towel on your head that I realized I hadnt done my hair after a shower. I had gone to 2 other places like that before someone said something! I got in the car and cried.
Anonymous
32. Walked out of the house with everything including baby and baby accessories everything except pants.
33. I went through a car wash but didn't realize until after that (Continued)
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didn't realize until after that I had about 200 dollars worth of groceries in the back of the truck.
Anonymous
34. I bawled like a baby BC I couldnt find matching socks. The sob fest lasted so long that I was late for work. My husband tried to let me wear his socks and then I cried even harder bc they werent MY socks. He reminds me of that every time I mention another baby.
Anonymous
35. Searched and searched for my glasses and was so upset because I just got them (I used to wear contacts all the time). Upset and crying, I called my husband. He comes home looks at me and says I see you found your glasses. I burst into tears crying because I hadnt found them; they were on my face all day.
Anonymous
36. I cried at Smiths when they didnt have any ripe avocados and actually told the produce worker I hope you are happy, you pathetic punk. I hate you. He then found me in the check out and handed me 2 ripe avocados and said my wife is pregnant too, its ok.
Anonymous
37. I tossed my dog a dryer sheet before walking out of the house instead of a dog biscuit. Fail.
Anonymous
38. Grocery shopping.got my daughter out of the cart and all buckled in the car and drove off with the groceries and my purse sitting in the cart. Had to drive back when I could not find my purse. Grocery store management was looking at video to see if I was kidnapped! Talk about embarrassed.
Anonymous
39. During a checkup, I couldnt keep my composure when my doctor, of Indian descent, told me to focus. His heavy accent made it sound like he was saying fers. He said it repeatedly, and more furiously, the more I giggled. The more he said it, the harder I laughed. We had to reschedule the appointment.
Anonymous
Are we being lazy or is it self-care?
That is what you should ask yourself first, before you judge.
Life is an arduous journey and a constant energy suck.
It was inevitable we'd find shortcuts to get by.
It's all about survival.
Redditor Batman_In_Peacetime wanted to hear about the times we just didn't care enough to try harder. They asked:
"What is a lazy thing you began doing when you realised you can live with it?"
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Be it on a blind date, at a party where you don't know anyone, or sitting next to someone on an airplane, starting a conversation with a total stranger is difficult.
As much as we'd all like to be friendly, far too often we find ourselves at a loss for words.
It doesn't help that we generally have no idea of what these people's various interests are, making it anyone's guess how they'll respond.
But some have this problem solved, finding a go-to topic which is always guaranteed to get a response, no matter who you're talking to.
Redditor Blugged_Bunny was curious to hear what people thought was the best way to begin a conversation with strangers, leading them to ask:
"What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?"
Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Why beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Can you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
The sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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Quality comes with price. That's a fact you can't escape. If you hire someone to fix your home, and want them to do the best job, you're going to have to pay above average prices. That's fine. Pay the people what they're worth for the great job they did. However, we live in a world where everyone is looking for their payout, even if what they've given you is less than ideal.
Don't overpay for any of these.
Reddit user, DrLizardLover, wanted to know what we're paying too much for when they asked:
"What is just stupidly overpriced?"
If you didn't know any better, you would think making office and school supplies was a lot like mining for diamonds in the center of the Earth.
Though, we also know diamonds are a rip-off so maybe that's not the argument we should be making.
Another Collegiate Payment
"College books"
Spooly_Boy
"Especially when they say you have to buy the newest copy every year"
disantiyesnt
Good Thing We're Going Paperless
"Printer cartridges."
DataPlenty
"Apparently it's because in order to make printers affordable to everyone, you must lower their prices. The cartridges are the upsell and is where the profit comes from."
AltaSavoia
We Carry Them Around On Our Phones
"TI-84"
"I could get an old cell phone from a dumpster that’s 10x as powerful. Why the f-ck they still charging $80 or more for these things?"
edgeblackbelt
If living in 2022 has taught us anything, it's that convenience has a price.
And it's high.
$50 For Twizzlers
"Foods and drinks at movie theaters or sporting events"
Icy-Company7718
"I can answer for the theaters. They don't actually get much, if any, of the ticket sales. A lot of their operating budget comes from the snack bar."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Fees On Hidden Fees For Hidden Fees
"Concert tickets"
"(AKA Ticketmaster)"
Catilily_3141
"I thought I was on the school box office site when I was on one made to look like it. I bought two reasonably priced ncaa basketball tickets and when I went to check out it went up to $70 with fees. Found the school website and checked out for $26 total."
blackcatmystery
Costs A Lot To Be A Woman
"One bra is like…40 dollars"
Noliel_Laicaster
"except i have big honkers so i'm forced to pay upwards of $80 for a bra because the only place I can get them in my size is Lane Bryant or Torrid"
kelsiewest11
"Just women's clothes in general. If I'm paying $40 for a pair of dress slacks, they damn well better have pockets. I have to have black slacks for my delivery job and ended up buying 3 pair of men's pants for $20 each, just to have the pockets."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
What can hurt the most is the idea companies and people will charge you for things you need to have. It's almost as if they know you're willing to pay the price...
Awful.
History Has Funny Way Of Changing Perspectives
"Lobster. Was literally considered food for the peasants at one point in history. They used lobsters as bait on ships"
magoted
The Most Expensive Day Of Your Life
"Anything tied to a wedding"
nickp123456
"Friend of mine needed a generator for a wedding. He booked it as a "corporate event" to get cheaper hire."
"When the company arrived to setup and saw it was a wedding they demanded extra money, because it was a wedding. Same location, same generator, same rental period."
salmonlikethephish
Sipping The Last Bits Of Money Out Of The Dead
"Funerals"
Longjumping-Oil4497
"I definitely think that add-ons for funerals are sold like biggie sizing your happy meal. And the concept of memorializing a person for eternity has been sold as bare necessity. But I do know that the pomp and circumstance a lot of people need to lay somebody to rest, costs money."
"I want to see people honored in their death, but spending $5,000 on a pine box does not make sense to me"
444unsure
People Need Help? Charge Them.
"Mental health services. Blessings upon blessings to the mental health professionals who offer sliding scales."
AphelionEntity
America Gonna 'Murica
"Getting an IUD put in or taken out without insurance costs 1300. Takes 5 minutes to put in and it’s a piece of plastic."
m_hahn_solo
"Wow thats so much. I'm in Canada so having it inserted, removed, and follow up appointments are free. But I had to pay for the IUD. The first time I used the insurance from college so only paid $30. The second time I graduated and didn't have insurance so I went to planned parenthood where its cheaper and paid 230. The third time I had insurance from work and it was free. Honestly all birth control should be free."
Forever-25
Keep an eye on your wallet, since you know most of the world is keeping theirs firmly on it.
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Not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Our own experiences and values add up to make us who we are. Without them, we'd all be the same amorphous blob of consciousness covering the planet in bland beliefs. You hold something in high regard, and that might mean someone else disagrees with you.
Hold your ground, and be ready to die on that hill, kind of like these people.
Reddit user, realduckbutter, wanted to know what you will never let go of when they asked:
"What’s the smallest hill you’re willing to die on?"
What is it about this hill that makes it worthwhile to fight over? Is it something ingrained in your core or something that you can never let go?
This Is Good, Great, And Dandy
"Oxford commas are GOOD and should be EMPLOYED LIBERALLY."
CopsaLau
"I agree with this, I agree with this, and I agree with this."
ajt9104_
Squats All Day
"Nice butts are better than big butts."
Crockpot_gator_Snot
"Shape > Size"
"on that note, 99.9% of of people don’t give a damn about color imperfections or stretch marks. It’s completely irrelevant. The shape is what makes a nice butt."
"Edit: I admit that my statistic it totally made up. I made to say that MOST people don’t care."
bouchandre
Doesn't Hold Up
"KFC gravy isn't as good as it used to be."
AshySlashy902
"KFC isn't as good as it used to be. The biscuits are so hit or miss now."
SuperstitiousPigeon5
Me Am No Good With Words And Things
"It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, you care a little!"
thedoginapound
"That’s what I’m saying!!! People make no sense sometimes"
Rebelsinblacktattoo
The workplace is somewhere you (possibly) go to every day. If there's something about it you like or don't like, don't let it go.
Proper Bathroom Ambience
"Bathrooms at the work place should all be required to play music to help drown out the sounds being made"
zerorush8
"THANK YOU. I’ve thought this for years. Just some simple elevator music. Anything."
"I’d rather hear 10 hours of Yiruma’s River Flows In You than 10 seconds of whatever is flowing out of the poor guy next to me."
jaylward
Better Be Some Money That Comes With That Title
"Don’t give me a “promotion” unless it comes with a pay raise. The only reason I would want a promotion is because I get paid more, not so I can flex my title on ppl"
traws06
"Flex that title into a raise somewhere else"
meanie_ants
So Grateful
"All companies regardless of what industry they're in do their best work and are the most consumer friendly when they're in second or third place in their industry. The 'leader' is almost never the best option."
Nayko214
"The best service and the most exciting food is at two star Michelin restaurants because they’re playing offense not defense."
gastro_gnome
"Cashiers should be allowed to sit down during their shifts, ex. Aldi. There should be no reason why they need to keep standing in place for an entire shift"
kdotismydad
"This is so f-cking American. I've never in my European life seen a cashier standing up."
PercussiveRussel
Whatever it is about these hills we're all supposedly dying, you cannot deny the fact it's super fascinating to see bodies dropping on them.
Do Any Of Us Know What We're Eating?
"When people say “it has chemicals in it”. Your mom is chemicals. Everything is chemicals."
nosmase2
"The whole "don't put it in your body if you can't pronounce it" nonsense is infuriating. An apple has things in it most people couldn't pronounce if you wrote out the chemical composition. And does my having taken organic chem and biochem classes mean I can eat things others can't?"
"Don't even get me started on the anti-GMO crap."
dude_logman
Diamond Eyeglasses? Diamond Cups? Why Stop There?
"Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds. Chemically. It’s purely marketing that makes you pay more for mined diamonds."
ScoobyTrue
"I believe you may be wrong. They are purer than mined diamonds."
"I'm looking forward to windshields made out of diamond."
ScottColvin
*tap, *tap, *tap
"Mobile gaming is better when it's simple games like Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja"
ofsquire
"Yeah I thought I wanted big impressive games on my phone but then I realized there’s no point. I’m never going to play on my phone over a console"
realduckbutter
Holding Up The Line With Your Niceness
"Pay-it-forward drive-through chains are pointless. They aren’t really helping anyone, they’re just making everything awkward."
lassie86
"Im a starbucks barista and like its a nice thing dont get me wrong, but the way our systems work things get confusing and orders or items get lost so people end up getting free but wrong orders :( it also puts the customer on the spot to make a decision to continue or not and i hate that it's so awkward. I always just say hey your order has been paid for have a great day!"
imasokas2percentmilk
It Hurts So Good
"If Q-Tips were not meant to go deep in your ear canal, then God would not have put the g-spot in there"
Virtual-Stranger
Meet lots of people, develop a set of values, then enact those values upon yourself as you engage with the world. Be the person you want to be.
Tell us how you won't let anything go in the comments below.
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