1. I walked into the house and thought, I should check the answering machine. I then stood in the kitchen trying to remember where the answering machine was until I realized I havent had an answering machine in over 12 years.
Cierra Shelton, Facebook
2. I couldnt get the microwave to work I kept pushing the start button but it wouldnt turn on. When I started crying my husband walked over, closed the microwave door, and hit start. It worked.
Brittany Wade Ratliff, Facebook
3. I was running the register at work and tried to swipe a $20 bill through the credit card machine. I then stood there looking at it like Why isnt this working?
Ariel Simon, Facebook
4. I packed my hubbies lunch in the morning, then at lunchtime got a photo from him of his sandwich with nothing in it! Just two pieces of bread.
5. I filled my car with gas and drove off. Moments later I was down the road when a police car pulled me over. I still had the cash in my hand. The officer was nice enough to take it back to the gas station for me.
Kari Davis Roberts, Facebook
6. I tried to unlock the front door of my apartment with my car keys unlock button. I also dialed a phone number into the microwave.
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7. I tried to text my cat and tell him I missed him. I started crying when Crookshanks wasnt in my contact list.
Lynsey Van Nevel, Facebook
8. I asked my sister how much a $50 gift card would cost to buy.
9. I never told anyone in my family I did it. I cut a piece of cheddar off a block, then put the cheese in the drawer Id gotten the knife from, the knife in the cheese drawer in the fridge, and my plate of cheese and crackers in the sink. I walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch, totally forgetting why Id even gotten up.
Erin Hicks, Facebook
10. I left the TV remote in the freezertwice. Lost it for days at each time.
11. I was filling out pre-admittance forms for the hospital and completely forgot how old I was. I couldnt remember the year I was born or anything. Fortunately, my doctors office happened to call and I asked the nurse my age.
12. I went to the toilet, tried to flush it by flicking the light switch on and off, then complained when it wouldnt flush. I was there for a good five minutes.
13. I completely forgot the word nose and proceeded to say (Continued)
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He has a spot on that thing between his eyes.
14. I couldnt remember the word hand. Called it an arm foot for hours.
15. I was trying to cook eggs in the pan but nothing was happening. I finally realized the stove wasnt on. Id been watching raw eggs for 10 minutes.
16. By the time I gave birth there were easily seven unopened jars of peanut butter in the pantry because I could never remember if we had any or not when I was grocery shopping. After the seventh jar I actually cried when I got home and found them all. I was convinced I was losing my mind.
17. I used hand soap instead of dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher.
18. I was attempting to take my prenatal vitamins, but instead of pouring out the vitamins, I poured my water bottle on my hand. Then I cried for 10 minutes.
Eva Dunlop, Facebook
19. I had a 9-month-old son the second time I was pregnant. One day, my friend came over and asked where my son was. Frantic, I searched all downstairs for him, threw cushions around, toys and everything else but (Continued)
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couldnt find him. I broke down crying at having lost my son until my friend went upstairs and found him asleep in the cot. Apparently Id put him down for a nap, but didnt remember.
Shama-Jade Balcarres, Facebook
20. I put my jeans on this morning and they just felt weird. They weren't covering my butt right or staying up. I couldn't figure out why. After about 45 minutes I looked down and realized I had been wearing my jeans backwards all morning.
21. I don't think my husband really understood until last night just how scatterbrained it can make a woman. Exhibit A:
I was in the kitchen and meant to bring him a soda when I went back into the living room.
A few minutes later, he gets up to get a soda, so I remind him I just brought him one.
Turns out I actually brought him a pack of ramen noodle seasoning...
22. We were in England for a baby moon trip around thanksgiving and being from Florida we were quite bundled up for our journey. We had walked into a pub for some dinner and this place was PACKED! I had taken off my gloves, hat and scarf and had unzipped my jacket but was still wearing it since we didn't have a table yet. When we finally got to a table and I took my jacket off I didn't notice that my sweater and shirt had balled up to the top of my belly. I was now standing in the middle of a super crowded restaurant with my entire belly hanging out and only barely covered by the stretchy top of my maternity pants. I didn't realize until two women had given me a look of pity and I was so embarrassed. If I wasn't so hungry I probably would have made DH take me somewhere else to eat.
23. I forgot my Uncle's name as well as my aunts and cousin. That whole off shoot, I just could not for the life of me remember any of their names. I mean, they had been a part of my family for my whole life, I was super embarrassed. This happened with my first pregnancy.
24. I buttered a teabag. Yep.
Anonymous.
25. On several occasions I forgot to put my boob away after breastfeeding. One time was in church.
Anonymous.
26. Today I went to Wally World for a few baby related things I've been wanting for weeks (mostly craft related things, but other odds and ends too). When I got there I couldn't remember what I was there for! I waddled up and down nearly every aisle trying to remember, but I could not. I came home empty handed and remembered everything shortly after. I'm going to have to write a very detailed list before going again.
27. I poured Orange Juice into my cereal and poured milk into my cup.
I think the worst incident was arriving at the supermarket to buy a few things. After I got home, I realized that (Continued)
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I had forgotten what I'd gone there for and bought a whole bunch of things I hadn't intended to. So I had to go back.
28. I've burnt myself twice pulling stuff out of the oven. Just because you have and oven mitt on one hand doesn't mean the hand w/out the mitt is safe from burns. Hopefully I remember that next time.
29. I was looking for my phone in the dark, using the flashlight on my phone.
30. A week or two ago I was at working sipping on some raspberry leaf tea. I took a sip and immediately opened my mouth. While my tea was pouring out of my mouth all over my shirt all I could think was why?? Why did I just do that?
31. I was in a hurry one day, and weeks away from delivery I left the house to take my son to school and run a few errands. It wasnt until the cashier at the market said, did you know you have a towel on your head that I realized I hadnt done my hair after a shower. I had gone to 2 other places like that before someone said something! I got in the car and cried.
Anonymous
32. Walked out of the house with everything including baby and baby accessories everything except pants.
33. I went through a car wash but didn't realize until after that (Continued)
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didn't realize until after that I had about 200 dollars worth of groceries in the back of the truck.
Anonymous
34. I bawled like a baby BC I couldnt find matching socks. The sob fest lasted so long that I was late for work. My husband tried to let me wear his socks and then I cried even harder bc they werent MY socks. He reminds me of that every time I mention another baby.
Anonymous
35. Searched and searched for my glasses and was so upset because I just got them (I used to wear contacts all the time). Upset and crying, I called my husband. He comes home looks at me and says I see you found your glasses. I burst into tears crying because I hadnt found them; they were on my face all day.
Anonymous
36. I cried at Smiths when they didnt have any ripe avocados and actually told the produce worker I hope you are happy, you pathetic punk. I hate you. He then found me in the check out and handed me 2 ripe avocados and said my wife is pregnant too, its ok.
Anonymous
37. I tossed my dog a dryer sheet before walking out of the house instead of a dog biscuit. Fail.
Anonymous
38. Grocery shopping.got my daughter out of the cart and all buckled in the car and drove off with the groceries and my purse sitting in the cart. Had to drive back when I could not find my purse. Grocery store management was looking at video to see if I was kidnapped! Talk about embarrassed.
Anonymous
39. During a checkup, I couldnt keep my composure when my doctor, of Indian descent, told me to focus. His heavy accent made it sound like he was saying fers. He said it repeatedly, and more furiously, the more I giggled. The more he said it, the harder I laughed. We had to reschedule the appointment.
Anonymous
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
Donald Duck Sleeping GIFGiphy"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
Pippi Longstocking Chaos GIF by ZDFGiphy"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
Tired Fight Club GIFGiphy"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
andrew huang pots GIF by SoundflyGiphy"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Cloud Storm GIF by Weather UndergroundGiphyWhy beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
For Me GIF by Liz HuettGiphy"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Pluto Flyby GIFCan you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
No Idea Reaction GIF by BounceGiphyThe sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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