1. I walked into the house and thought, I should check the answering machine. I then stood in the kitchen trying to remember where the answering machine was until I realized I havent had an answering machine in over 12 years.
Cierra Shelton, Facebook
2. I couldnt get the microwave to work I kept pushing the start button but it wouldnt turn on. When I started crying my husband walked over, closed the microwave door, and hit start. It worked.
Brittany Wade Ratliff, Facebook
3. I was running the register at work and tried to swipe a $20 bill through the credit card machine. I then stood there looking at it like Why isnt this working?
Ariel Simon, Facebook
4. I packed my hubbies lunch in the morning, then at lunchtime got a photo from him of his sandwich with nothing in it! Just two pieces of bread.
5. I filled my car with gas and drove off. Moments later I was down the road when a police car pulled me over. I still had the cash in my hand. The officer was nice enough to take it back to the gas station for me.
Kari Davis Roberts, Facebook
6. I tried to unlock the front door of my apartment with my car keys unlock button. I also dialed a phone number into the microwave.
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7. I tried to text my cat and tell him I missed him. I started crying when Crookshanks wasnt in my contact list.
Lynsey Van Nevel, Facebook
8. I asked my sister how much a $50 gift card would cost to buy.
9. I never told anyone in my family I did it. I cut a piece of cheddar off a block, then put the cheese in the drawer Id gotten the knife from, the knife in the cheese drawer in the fridge, and my plate of cheese and crackers in the sink. I walked out of the kitchen and sat down on the couch, totally forgetting why Id even gotten up.
Erin Hicks, Facebook
10. I left the TV remote in the freezertwice. Lost it for days at each time.
11. I was filling out pre-admittance forms for the hospital and completely forgot how old I was. I couldnt remember the year I was born or anything. Fortunately, my doctors office happened to call and I asked the nurse my age.
12. I went to the toilet, tried to flush it by flicking the light switch on and off, then complained when it wouldnt flush. I was there for a good five minutes.
13. I completely forgot the word nose and proceeded to say (Continued)
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He has a spot on that thing between his eyes.
14. I couldnt remember the word hand. Called it an arm foot for hours.
15. I was trying to cook eggs in the pan but nothing was happening. I finally realized the stove wasnt on. Id been watching raw eggs for 10 minutes.
16. By the time I gave birth there were easily seven unopened jars of peanut butter in the pantry because I could never remember if we had any or not when I was grocery shopping. After the seventh jar I actually cried when I got home and found them all. I was convinced I was losing my mind.
17. I used hand soap instead of dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher.
18. I was attempting to take my prenatal vitamins, but instead of pouring out the vitamins, I poured my water bottle on my hand. Then I cried for 10 minutes.
Eva Dunlop, Facebook
19. I had a 9-month-old son the second time I was pregnant. One day, my friend came over and asked where my son was. Frantic, I searched all downstairs for him, threw cushions around, toys and everything else but (Continued)
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couldnt find him. I broke down crying at having lost my son until my friend went upstairs and found him asleep in the cot. Apparently Id put him down for a nap, but didnt remember.
Shama-Jade Balcarres, Facebook
20. I put my jeans on this morning and they just felt weird. They weren't covering my butt right or staying up. I couldn't figure out why. After about 45 minutes I looked down and realized I had been wearing my jeans backwards all morning.
21. I don't think my husband really understood until last night just how scatterbrained it can make a woman. Exhibit A:
I was in the kitchen and meant to bring him a soda when I went back into the living room.
A few minutes later, he gets up to get a soda, so I remind him I just brought him one.
Turns out I actually brought him a pack of ramen noodle seasoning...
22. We were in England for a baby moon trip around thanksgiving and being from Florida we were quite bundled up for our journey. We had walked into a pub for some dinner and this place was PACKED! I had taken off my gloves, hat and scarf and had unzipped my jacket but was still wearing it since we didn't have a table yet. When we finally got to a table and I took my jacket off I didn't notice that my sweater and shirt had balled up to the top of my belly. I was now standing in the middle of a super crowded restaurant with my entire belly hanging out and only barely covered by the stretchy top of my maternity pants. I didn't realize until two women had given me a look of pity and I was so embarrassed. If I wasn't so hungry I probably would have made DH take me somewhere else to eat.
23. I forgot my Uncle's name as well as my aunts and cousin. That whole off shoot, I just could not for the life of me remember any of their names. I mean, they had been a part of my family for my whole life, I was super embarrassed. This happened with my first pregnancy.
24. I buttered a teabag. Yep.
Anonymous.
25. On several occasions I forgot to put my boob away after breastfeeding. One time was in church.
Anonymous.
26. Today I went to Wally World for a few baby related things I've been wanting for weeks (mostly craft related things, but other odds and ends too). When I got there I couldn't remember what I was there for! I waddled up and down nearly every aisle trying to remember, but I could not. I came home empty handed and remembered everything shortly after. I'm going to have to write a very detailed list before going again.
27. I poured Orange Juice into my cereal and poured milk into my cup.
I think the worst incident was arriving at the supermarket to buy a few things. After I got home, I realized that (Continued)
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I had forgotten what I'd gone there for and bought a whole bunch of things I hadn't intended to. So I had to go back.
28. I've burnt myself twice pulling stuff out of the oven. Just because you have and oven mitt on one hand doesn't mean the hand w/out the mitt is safe from burns. Hopefully I remember that next time.
29. I was looking for my phone in the dark, using the flashlight on my phone.
30. A week or two ago I was at working sipping on some raspberry leaf tea. I took a sip and immediately opened my mouth. While my tea was pouring out of my mouth all over my shirt all I could think was why?? Why did I just do that?
31. I was in a hurry one day, and weeks away from delivery I left the house to take my son to school and run a few errands. It wasnt until the cashier at the market said, did you know you have a towel on your head that I realized I hadnt done my hair after a shower. I had gone to 2 other places like that before someone said something! I got in the car and cried.
Anonymous
32. Walked out of the house with everything including baby and baby accessories everything except pants.
33. I went through a car wash but didn't realize until after that (Continued)
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didn't realize until after that I had about 200 dollars worth of groceries in the back of the truck.
Anonymous
34. I bawled like a baby BC I couldnt find matching socks. The sob fest lasted so long that I was late for work. My husband tried to let me wear his socks and then I cried even harder bc they werent MY socks. He reminds me of that every time I mention another baby.
Anonymous
35. Searched and searched for my glasses and was so upset because I just got them (I used to wear contacts all the time). Upset and crying, I called my husband. He comes home looks at me and says I see you found your glasses. I burst into tears crying because I hadnt found them; they were on my face all day.
Anonymous
36. I cried at Smiths when they didnt have any ripe avocados and actually told the produce worker I hope you are happy, you pathetic punk. I hate you. He then found me in the check out and handed me 2 ripe avocados and said my wife is pregnant too, its ok.
Anonymous
37. I tossed my dog a dryer sheet before walking out of the house instead of a dog biscuit. Fail.
Anonymous
38. Grocery shopping.got my daughter out of the cart and all buckled in the car and drove off with the groceries and my purse sitting in the cart. Had to drive back when I could not find my purse. Grocery store management was looking at video to see if I was kidnapped! Talk about embarrassed.
Anonymous
39. During a checkup, I couldnt keep my composure when my doctor, of Indian descent, told me to focus. His heavy accent made it sound like he was saying fers. He said it repeatedly, and more furiously, the more I giggled. The more he said it, the harder I laughed. We had to reschedule the appointment.
Anonymous
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
GiphyThe video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
Partner Preference
Giphy"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
Herding Cats
Giphy"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
Wretched Existence
Giphy"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
One Hour
Giphy"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" Exercise
Giphy"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
Vicious Predators
Giphy"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic Princess
Giphy"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
Shoe-nanigans
Giphy"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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