Teachers Remember Standout Students Who Have Stayed In Their Memories
Teachers have sometimes hundreds of students each year. It's remarkable that they remember any, right? The special ones, the standouts, are the ones that stay in their memories the most though. Here are some stories from teachers who recall being touched by the efforts of their particular students thanks to Redditor mteart, who asked: "Teachers of Reddit, who is one stand-out student that you'll remember for a very long time?"
"You don't see much empathy from 6 year olds."
I teach 1st. I have a student with high anxiety if I'm not there. I had a funeral for my grandpa, so I front loaded him with something like "My grandpa went to heaven so I wont be here tomorrow. So and so will be the sub." He said okay, walked away, then came back a few minutes later and hugged me and said "I'm sorry about your grandpa."
You don't see much empathy from 6 year olds. I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.
"I think we're all teachers."
My first year working in education, there was one kid that was super creative; he could turn anything into a game. He made a game with dominoes one time that I couldn't for the life of me beat, and I was seriously trying.
He later confided in me that his ex-stepfather had hit his mom and been to jail several times. It broke my heart because he and his siblings were the sweetest kids. He said to me once, "I think we're all teachers" and that quote still rings true, 7 years later.
"Everyone just assumed she was mute..."
Not while I was a teacher, but while I was an aide there was a girl in the class who didn't talk. Everyone just assumed she was mute and would make fun of her for not talking. Even the teacher kinda brushed her off as "oh so and so just doesn't speak so don't worry about it." I don't know what that little kid went through or why she wouldn't talk to her classmates but she could definitely talk and hated everyone in that class for being mean to her. I think about her all the time and often wonder how she's doing since she'd be entering high school pretty soon.
"From day one, he had been my favorite student."Giphy
I teach 8th grade. Last year, we lost one of our students in an accident right before fall break. From day one, he had been my favorite student. He was unbelievably kind and intelligent. Literally every single student had only positive things to say about him. I know that's typically how it goes when someone passes, but it wasn't like that with him. He was just one of those people you couldn't help but love. He was someone who would go out of his way to help those around him, and he brought out the best in his peers, a born leader.
Then we lost him.
I floundered for the rest of the year; I never felt like I completely regained my footing. I'm thankful for the time I had with him in my class, but I'm terrified of having to go through that again.
"I had one super sassy student..."
I had one super sassy student who would always grimace when asked a question and give minimal effort in anything related to class. One day our school had a Halloween party and I was helping with a magic show when she ran up to me with her friend and said "this is my favorite teacher" to her friend. She was smiling so much and so happy, and from that day on she was a brilliant kid showing her true potential. Always high five everyone in your class and make em blossom fellow teachers.
"It was absolutely brilliant."
I run a creative writing club for kids. One boy I met doing a creative writing workshop at his primary school, he was reluctant to participate in my activity because it was getting in the way of his writing career - he was working on a novel. He asked me if I'd read the first few chapters, so I did and I was blown away, convinced he'd just hand-copied an Agatha Christie novel.
A couple of years later, he joined my after school program, for kids who want to be writers, and then last year he emailed me to say he'd finished his first novel. (Not the same novel from primary school, he gave up on that one). He asked me to read it, and it was absolutely brilliant. It's a cozy murder mystery, set on an alien planet, with heaps of dry (British style) humour. I read it in between reading two Terry Pratchett books, and his book stood up in terms of entertainment and humour value. Meanwhile, I was looking for a book to be published through my start up independent book label. So, now he's being published at the ripe old age of 15.
"We kept things very vague."
Taught high school theatre and discovered a notebook that was being passed around mentioning a lot of high school drinking. So, one night instead of rehearsal, we staged an "intervention" with the cast of the show. We kept things very vague. Let the kids know we cared about them and talked to them frankly about some of our own experiences with addiction and depression. At the end of it, one student -- someone who was not even mentioned in the notebook and I would have never suspected ANY of the things we talked about applied to him -- pulled me aside and said, "I don't know how you guys figured it out, but yeah, I've been cutting. And I really appreciate you not calling me out in there." He got help soon thereafter, and is living a healthy life to this day.
"Her drive was impressive."
I teach where there was a school shooting. My student was shot and almost died. She survived because a specialist happened to be in town. When I visited with her in the hospital a couple days after, she asked how she could finish the class. Her drive was impressive.
"I'll always carry him with me."
I started in my first classroom this past July. It is a full special education elementary classroom. I had a very strong connection with one of the students. He had Cerebral Palsy and was nonverbal, but you always knew what he needed and how he was feeling. He was sweet and enjoyed life. His home life wasn't the greatest, but he loved being at school with his friends and teachers.
He passed away in September. I'll never forget that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when the staff in my classroom got called down to the principal's office and we were told. It was one of the worst things I've ever experienced. I'll always carry him with me.
"I think I will always remember him."Giphy
One of my former students just ran into a burning house the other day to save a family with no thought to his own safety.
So, he is on my mind right now. It is hard to really pin down because there have been so many. I had one kid who is going to college and getting into politics, and he should.
He took on a superintendent... and won, for the good of all his peers. Pretty awesome. Not in the news, but pretty awesome. I think I will always remember him.
"Just a wonderful PERSON."
The first one who died tragically young after graduation. He reminded me of my oldest son, and was the most genuine and kind young man.
He wasn't an especially good student. Just a wonderful PERSON
"He recognized me from her yearbook pictures
A student once asked me what his sister was like when she was in high school. We had been in the same year throughout high school and then went to the same college for a bit, so I knew her pretty well, even though we weren't exactly friends. Great girl, everyone loved her, she had this way of making you smile no matter how sad you felt. So I'm like "Well, what is she up to these days? She must've recognized my name if you know we went to school together."
Well, turns out she committed suicide a few months after our last semester together. Her brother was 9 at the time, and was now in my class 7 years later. He recognized me from her yearbook pictures, and just wanted to learn more about his sister from someone who got to see a different side of her.
"Yeah, I will never forget that kid..."
I had a student who really struggled with depression. One day we were doing an activity in class and he asked me if I had seen Dead Poet's Society. I said, "Yes! I love that movie." He then said, "I was watching it with my grandma and the main teacher reminded me of you"
Yeah, I will never forget that kid or how he made my father tear up when I told him the story and he watched the movie for the first time ever.
"Great sense of humor that I really enjoyed."
I had a student with autism who was a carbon copy of Napoleon Dynamite. Great sense of dry humor that I really enjoyed. He's still around town and works at a convenience store. Whenever I go in there to buy beer, he'll casually walk by me, wag a finger and, in cartoon fashion, whisper "moderation."
"Tested him for allergies. And guess what?"
I had a kid named Michael, and he had a severe peanut allergy. His mother was very clear with us, he needed to eat his lunch and snack alone in the nurses office (this was before most schools were nut free zones). She also insisted he have his own school bus to school. So every morning one of the special buses would pick him up on his own and at would collect him. The kid was socially awkward, because he was isolated from everyone else. Well, somehow the school got wind his mother was a bit off, and they, without her permission. Tested him for allergies. And guess what? The kid was allergic to literally nothing. He had spent his entire childhood separated from his classmates simply because his mother made up and allergy. And this, and her parenting, made him an odd child. He'd be about 30 now and I wish I know what happened to him.
"Not that great of a student..."
Not that great of a student, but an amazing person. If you've ever taught middle schoolers, you know you don't expect them to have the wisdom, patience, and kindness of a grandfather. I learned later in the year, that said child had an older sibling who was severely developmentally disabled. I suspect that may have had something to do with his prematurely wise personality.
"I had this student who was the smartest kid I've ever met."
I had this student who was the smartest kid I've ever met. She was the sweetest, kindest, and genuine person I've ever met. You could have dropped her in a college classroom and she would have gotten straight A's. I have her article from my grad classes to read and I think she got them more than I did sometimes. She was an overachiever and smart as a whip.
Unfortunately she had a pretty severe eating disorder and before my semester of student teaching was up she was sent to inpatient. The poor thing finished her research paper two months early because she didn't want to disappoint anyone.
I wish I could have done more for her as I had a similar experience in my high school years but I was only two years older than my students and had to really keep my distance so they wouldn't see me as their friend. She's in college now and seems to be doing well and I hope she stays well because she's gonna do great things.
"She has been so coddled by her parents..."
The girl who brought her support dog in every day, but used it for everything but support during times of anxiety episodes. She has been so coddled by her parents that she hasn't come to school since October. They were approached by the English teacher, who informed them that he holds after-school work make-ups on Fridays. They answered "We'll have to go ask her, and see if she feels like it."
This student was allowed to leave the room over literally anything that "bothered" her. When confronted by any teacher, she would say that she "doesn't have to," and that's "not in my IEP."
"Weirdest kid I ever taught."
I nicknamed him Legolas. At the most random times he would get out of his chair and pretend to shoot a bow and arrow at all the bad guys in the room. He would do parkour moves off the wall. His little episodes lasted for like 15 seconds then he would sit back down and act like nothing happened the rest of class. Weirdest kid I ever taught.
"Or the kid..."
The one who said his goal was to build a nuclear device in his garage. It was for the middle school boy shock value, but the kids is a genius, so probably could have. He's now studying engineering (or physics?) at Cornell.
Or the kid who used to eat things off the floor as a middle schooler and had never learned how to use a knife to cut food.
Or the kid who used to hiss like a cat until he trusted teachers, at which point he'd start purring. This was an improvement from when he used to bark.
Also, the kid who basically lived in my classroom all day (we ate lunch together and he helped out with some of my wild freshmen) and then was going to be pulled from my class roster because he was failing. Turned out he was failing because he was being so badly neglected that he was a LITTLE more concerned with where he's be sleeping that night and my classroom was the only safe space he had. That was a fun fight with the guidance department and ended up having an impact on the end of year evaluation. Apparently him failing took me into "partially effective" as a teacher. F**k you, Deborah, for telling me it was my fault I focused on getting this kid to feel safe somewhere.
The internet is so fascinating.
Thanks to YouTube and TikTok, so many hours can be spent lost in the world of video.
You pick a simple topic or name to check, and then it's tomorrow... and you've binged every army family reunion story.
And so much time to waste, depending on your keystroke choices.
Redditor imboredaa wanted to discuss all the ways so many of us get lost watching things on the internet, so they asked:
"What are some of the craziest/strangest rabbit holes you’ve ever been down?"
I constantly get lost on talent show audition rabbit holes.
And I am proud!
RestoredSerial Killer Chainsaw GIF by Rise RecordsGiphy
"YouTube videos of old chainsaw restorations. No idea why, but I guess that’s why it’s a rabbit hole. I don’t even own a chainsaw or have a need for one."
"I really enjoy going on a city’s Craigslist, then to 'rooms/shared' (or whatever it is for finding a room mate) and then typing words like 'warning' or 'beware' in the search to see what kind of horror show nightmare room mate scenarios people have decided to write about... it's usually some juicy headline like 'warning!!!'"
"Do NOT rent from this woman!!!! She is a PSYCHO!!….'"
"And after reading it, it’s always a guess to decide who is the actual crazy person, the landlord or tenant. Could be a bitter ex, tenant, or a scam, or whatever. But it’s an easy way to dive quick into some weird corners of the internet that are filled with drama."
After the Ice
"I spent a bunch of time about 12 years or so ago reading about all the details of the Titanic, how it sunk, what happened as it was sinking, who died, who survived. I got into the life stories of the people who died, and what became of the people who survived. And then I very nearly bought a piece of carpet from the Titanic."
"Andrée's Arctic balloon expedition"
"Dumb, then numb, a** thought he could fly a balloon to the North Pole. They had cyanide capsules and all, in case they crashed and were about to freeze to death. Or get eaten by a polar bear during a three month night. He and his assistants somehow managed to do both."
"Plot twist: Andree, the worst captain of all time, noticed the balloon was leaking the night before they were about to leave, pumped it up a bit, and said 'f**k it that'll do.' It did not do."
"An Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. Started with 1 and ended up with a 20+ collection."
"Uncle John's Bathroom Readers are so addictive."
Toilet time can be knowledge time.
Living Sky HighCity In The Sky Vfx GIF by PBSGiphy
"Turning old planes into houses! About 10 years ago I found a company that would do it for you. The wings were decks and the plane was mounted to a pedestal that allowed it to be rotate with the sun!"
"Mega tsunamis. Thousand foot walls of water moving at hundreds of mph? It happens more than you would think. The Azore-Gibraltar fault will cause one one day. There evidence they happened a few times in the Pacific. It doesn't take a meteor to happen, it could be an underwater landslide (Doggerland), or a large section of a volcanic island shearing off and falling into the ocean (Oahu). Doggerland is another rabbit hole that is worth googling."
Hitting the Keys
"Mechanical keyboards. I wanted to buy one, so I started researching and watching videos of reviews. I went deeper and deeper, seeing special cables, obscure companies, the tons of switches, etc etc."
"I stopped when a Youtuber I watched made a video asking her viewers and discord users to stop bullying and harassing her for using some kind of switches or keycaps. I bought my keyboard and never went back to that crazy fandom."
In the Sky
"I worked in administration at an aviation academy for a few years and decided I’d start listening to aviation podcasts since I didn’t know much about it. I came across a plane crash podcast that talks about crashes in history and how it improved the safety of flying."
"I was fascinated by it, and found myself gradually needing to know more and listening to more of the same type of podcasts, watching videos, and listening to black box recordings. It was eerie but interesting at the time. Now, I regret it tremendously because since then I’ve developed horrible anxiety when flying."
The Big Questionssteve harvey lol GIF by TV Land ClassicGiphy
"Spent a lot of time in the 'quantum consciousness' rabbit hole. I had just deconstructed from religion and wanted answers about life, death, and reality. It was long before I made peace with not knowing. I spent around a year obsessed with quantum experiments, psychedelics, and the general philosophy of consciousness."
Lives (and chores) can be put on serious hold when you find a juicy enough topic to research!
Well, what rabbit holes have you gotten lost in? Let us know in the comments below.
People Describe The Most F**ked Up Thing They've Ever Seen That Still Haunts Them
CW: Graphic imagery and accidents.
No one leaves this life without scars.
We witness so many awful things on a daily basis.
How could we not be followed by it all?
Messed up things are just part of the deal of living I guess.
One minute you're walking along on a bright sunny day, then boom, you're a witness to a murder.
Or some such craziness.
That's why I stay home a lot.
Redditor Who_Did_You_Expect1 wanted to hear about the things from our memories that still haunt our nightmares, so they asked:
"What's the most f--ked up thing you saw that still haunts you to this day?"
Living through peril is unimaginable. I've been luckier than most.
TragicSad Best Friends GIF by Lisa VertudachesGiphy
"I watched cancer kill my baby brother. He was in grade school when I was in college. 25 years, and I still see it in my dreams."
Ay Dios mio, Dios mio!
"When I was about 8, my sister and I were walking with my mom to a bus stop to see my grandma in Mexico city. There was a lady on a bike crossing the intersection that we had just crossed ourselves but she didn't stop in time to the next one and didn't look both ways, she didn't have time to stop her bike. All I remember is the lady making the beginning of a scream as a white old muscle car ran over her (bike and all) at a high speed."
" remember the sound it made as it broke everywhere. My mother took her sweater off as she screamed and covered both my sister's and my head from looking, but it was too late. I remember looking at my sister with tears in her eyes, and I was too shocked to react or comprehend what I had just seen happened. A lot of people immediately surrounded the place, and the driver came out of his car and held his head with his hands after seeing the lady on the pavement."
"I didn't look at the lady anymore. I remember hearing people screaming in shock. My mother told my dad later as she cried. I remember hearing her wake up screaming for weeks after this saying: ay Dios mio, Dios mio! Still makes my heart race when I think about it."
"I was a news photographer for a while in the 90’s. I got called out to an accident. A high school girl ran into the back of a semi. As I was shooting, I noticed her wallet was on the ground. It had a plastic picture holder and the wind was flipping back and forth. I saw her prom pictures and shots of her with her family."
"I quit being a news photographer shortly after. I never forgot that day, and it still haunts me."
"I saw the aftermath rather than the actual event. A woman was walking home from the grocery store late at night. She crossed the road without using the crosswalks and got hit by an SUV. The two images cemented in my mind are of her, embedded in the windshield, and the driver of the car standing a little ways down the street vomiting. I've never seen someone look so utterly broken as the way the driver looked. I can't imagine what he was going through."
EverydaySad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy
"When I was 16 I was in a car wreck with my best friend since 3rd grade. I pulled him from the car with a broken shoulder while he was bloody, lifeless, limp. He died within the hour, not long after the ambulance got us. It’s been 18 years and I still think about it every single day."
I couldn't imagine living with that.
I also couldn't move...
"Coming to after getting hit by a vehicle as a pedestrian. Was face down, all I could see was blood soaked road and thought 'f**k, that doesn't look good.' I also couldn't move. The last thing I remember seeing before that was the grill of the vehicle. I still get jumpy when I catch a vehicles grill out of the corner of my eye and I'm not expecting it to be there."
"I'd seen a lot of accidents prior to that, but something about it being my own blood hit different."
"And yes, I had the right of way and was crossing in the proper place, at the proper time. Driver plain a** wasn't paying attention. It was daylight to boot, so no reason they couldn't see me."
"I was volunteering with my k9 working with NYC emergency services and chief Patell during 911 WTC attacks. We were in the middle of where the twin towers used to stand The thick gray dust, horrible smell of burnt things and dead people was all around but when the dogs started to find bodies and body parts it really freaked me out and I will forever live with this reality that seems like a bad dream."
MissingConfused Wile E Coyote GIF by Looney TunesGiphy
"A family of four that had burned in a plane crash. I used to do a woodland search and rescue, and we saw a lot of wild crap, but I still have dreams about what I saw when we went to look for a missing plane."
Goodness life is dark sometimes.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
People Break Down Obvious Signs To Tell If You Have Sexual Tension With Someone
Let's just be honest: the dating scene can be rough, especially when you're not sure if that person likes you back or not.
Some people, however, are very comfortable with their dating histories and believe there's a certain "cheat code" to confirming if someone is interested.
But for those of us who have always been bad at flirting and consider ourselves "oblivious" to other people's advances and compliments, maybe there could be some hope for us after all with these tips.
Redditor Independent_Slide932 asked:
"What are signs that there's sexual tension between you and someone?"
Their Undivided Attention
"It's serious eye contact for me, like when they would rather admire you than look anywhere else. It just makes it so obvious."
"For me, it's not just the eye contact itself, but when the eye contact is made, the two of you are in your own little world. There’s communication happening in that eye contact that you aren’t having with other people."
The Thrill of the 'Chase'
"To answer the actual question OP asked, it’s finding reasons for eye contact."
"It’s 'accidentally' making physical contact. It’s always ending up sitting next to each other in a group."
"It’s a tingly tight feeling in your guts."
"It’s a beautiful pain to experience. It’s almost more fun than actually 'getting' the other person."
Literal Physical Attraction
"Angling. Always feeling like your center of gravity is shifting towards them."
Interested or Not?
"There's a regular who comes into my work who makes serious serious 'seductive' eye contact with me and has a smile that looks flirty."
"But he's also hot as f**k. He's just incredibly attractive. So like, just because it's making me turn to jelly doesn't mean it's anything other than just being friendly and having a regular smile to him."
It is, Indeed, ...Tense
"It's that awkward, 'I want to f**k this person, and I'm pretty sure this person wants to f**k me, but I'm not sure enough about it to actually make a move.'"
"That's sexual tension."
"It can manifest in a lot of ways. Usually, sexual tension develops when two people are attracted to somewhat attracted to each other. The funny part is, sometimes they aren't even fully conscious of it, or want to acknowledge it."
"That is where the tension lies. There is a reason why both are not participating in healthily acknowledging attraction for each other. It can look like tense awkwardness, constant fighting, overt flirtatiousness without any progression, and even consciously ignoring/avoiding the other person."
"It's a shared gaze that at once leaves you both relaxed and on edge. It's like being old friends with a stranger."
"It's like an inside joke that isn't funny, it's sexy. I mean, it could be funny or sexy, but you see what I mean, it's a common understanding."
"It's like, 'You've got a secret, and I know it, and I've got a secret, and you know it, and the secret is the same thing, and we both know it, and it's so f**king delicious that we both know that without discussing it. The secret is nothing and everything, it's the knowing and sharing and the edging that is wonderful."
"It is something that is involuntary, but also once you've experienced it (enough), you can put yourself in that mode, make eye contact with a sexy stranger, and they may respond positively. It won't be as good as spontaneous mutual attraction, but you can put the signals out, 'Hey, I dig you, are you interested?'"
"Some people that you have that intense mutual attraction for aren't the right one(s) for you, except that they are the right ones to practice making that connection with. The person who is perfect for you might be someone who grows into the right emotional responses... and that's true of you, for them, as well."
"And lastly, you can choose to ignore both the mutual and asserted versions; the right relationship choices are both an emotional and intellectual decision, don't rely on one exclusively."
A List of Obvious Signals
"Reading signals is tough, I’m glad I don’t have to date these days."
"But some legit signals I’ve learned, in no particular order:"
"Prolonged or suggestive eye contact."
"Body positioning mirrors yours or stands closer than typical in your culture."
"Playing with hair when you interact."
"Light unconscious brushing up against or touching."
"If seated, leaning forward towards you frequently and/or touching you hand in a friendly way."
"Flushed or light blushing when they interact with you but not others."
"Excessive awkwardness that isn’t the case with them around other people. Especially if they straight up start babbling like a loon."
"Awkward silences you could cut with a knife but they still keep seeking you out."
When Someone Gets It Wrong
"It’s hard to explain. Basically, it’s a nervous, delicious breathless feeling when they are close to you. You both go out of your way to stand just a little bit closer to each other."
"The sad thing is, some people think they 'feel' this with someone just because the other person is being friendly and misread signals. I once had a guy insist that we had sexual tension simply because I twisted my hair."
"He told me that twisting my hair was a 'mating signal.'"
"I told him that I had been twisting my hair has been a nervous habit of mine since I was a toddler, but of course, he wanted to believe I was interested and insisted that I must secretly want him."
Obvious to Other People First
"When other people pick up on it."
Responding to Looks
"When they suddenly look and hold eye contact and then look away. (Low)"
"When they look and notice you're looking then they run their hand through their hair. (Medium)"
"When they notice you looking and suddenly gently bite their lip looking away. (High)"
"When they notice you’re looking and do something to draw attention to their body either stretch and reveal skin or adjust an intimate part of their clothing. (Extreme)"
"Each of the above will make you get butterflies as you know that she knows AND that she knows that you know."
Trying to Keep the Conversation Going
"When there's a lull in the conversation, and eye contact is maintained while you both are trying to figure out what to say next."
Looking But Not Looking
"Catching glances, by either party. The kind where they’re looking at you and don’t think you’ll look up or at them. Then suddenly the ceiling is really interesting to them when you make eye contact."
The Classic Note Trick
"When they hand you a piece of paper that says:"
"'Do you think that there is sexual tension between us?'"
"'[ ] Yes or [ ] No'"
While we'd all love for the dating scene and general flirting to be straight-forward, simple, and stress-free, this thread serves as a reminder that it comes easily for some while being a puzzle for others.
At the end of the day, if you're interested in someone, the easiest thing to do, though it's terrifying, might be to ask them.
Anyone with any amount of dating experience knows at least a few things that they love in a relationship and a few things they find unsavory.
Just like discovering our boundaries and what qualifies as a relationship deal breaker, most of us generally have a few rules that we tend to live by in every relationship, whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional.
Curious to learn some rules to live by, Redditor aytmamatov_musa asked:
"What relationship rule have you memorized forever?"
Actions Speak Louder than Words
"I can't remember the exact wording, but something to the effect of: Pay more attention to how invested your partner is in the relationship, not how much they say they are."
Know Who Holds the Power
"I remember when I first realized that the person who has the most control in a relationship (especially ending it) is the person that cares about the relationship the least."
"When I thought of all the relationships that I had been in (not just sexual) and how one person decided sometimes months ahead of time that the relationship was over, I remember how oblivious the other person was when it ended."
"By the way, this can also be applied to employment relationships as well."
Don't Fight for Someone's Attention
"If someone does not want to hear you, there is no way you can phrase anything to make them listen."
"This applies to all types of relationships, but I learned it from trying so hard to have a healthy relationship with my mother. Then when I left at 25, she responded by filing a missing person's report, hiring a PI (Personal Investigator), harassing my friends, and hacking my email and bank accounts to monitor my activity."
"This also ties into: abusers see you taking away their ability to abuse you, as an egregious theft of their rightful property."
Be a United Front
"Problems aren’t You vs Me. They’re Us vs The Problem."
No Codependent Relationships Here
"You cannot help someone who does not want to be helped."
Be Honest About Your Feelings
"Listen to how you describe your partner to friends, or how you think at the moment how you're describing your partner to them. That will tell you a lot about how you feel about them."
"If you're nervous about introducing them, listen to why. If you're apologizing for their actions, pausing to reframe positive ways to speak about them, or ignoring the red flags, then listen to that instinct. If you're constantly talking about the problems or hiding them, pay attention to why."
"I remember being in one relationship and having those feelings of, 'Should I introduce her to the family, when I talk to others about her, I'm exhausted from some argument, etc.'"
"I remember another relationship, thinking, 'Oh, I would love her to meet the family, she'd get along with everyone's kids, my friends would love her, I just had this great moment with her, and I wanted to tell people about it, I enjoy talking about her.'"
"When you experience that difference (and you have the wisdom and experience to know you're not being deluded by things like abuse or newness or getting caught up in a big fire that's going to burn out fast), it tells you so much."
Be Mindful of Reciprocation
"Something a friend of mine once told me was, 'Always ask yourself if this relationship isn't taking more from you than it is giving you.'"
"It saved me a lot of heartbreak."
"If they don’t respect your boundaries while dating, they won’t respect them in marriage."
Cheaters Gonna Cheat
"My best mate got with a woman who cheated on her then-boyfriend to be with him. Then my mate and she stayed together for four years, but she ended up cheating on him with another guy that she is now dating."
"I warned him in the beginning and advised him not to get into a relationship with her to start with. If she can do it with one guy, she can do it with another."
"His argument was that her then-boyfriend was not good enough for her which was why she is cheating on him. But what he failed to realize was that no one is the best in the world, and if she decides that he isn’t good enough for her in the future, then she will cheat on him too. And that is exactly what happened."
Acknowledge Red Flags
"Red flags look like normal flags when wearing rose-colored glasses."
Common Interests Aren't Everything
"Having a lot in common doesn’t equal a good relationship. It’s just a decent starting foundation."
Don't Go to Bedroom Angry - Or Do?
"I wouldn't say forever, yet, but since becoming a wife, I have learned that it's okay to sleep off a fight. Don't have to 'resolve' everything right then and there. Give each other space to let steam off and talk in the morning."
Be Loved for Who You Are
"Do not change your personality if you don't want to... I didn't realize until the breakup, that my ex did not like me, just the idea of what I could be..."
Know the Difference
"When an argument comes out of nowhere, ask 'Are you yelling at me, or to me?'"
"It's helped with a lot of arguments. Sometimes we just need a backboard to scream at, and nine out of ten times, that backboard is your significant other."
"A lot of arguments get bad just because they don't know you are releasing anger, which is healthy in the right way."
Some of these seem pretty simple, but they can make a huge impact in a relationship, if not also to the trajectory and health of a person's life. By understanding our own worth and how it's valued by others, we gave give ourselves a much happier ever after than we might have otherwise settled for.